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Bad, But True. .
Mrs. Benham—Some men are in ad* ▼ance of their age. Benham —Women are way behind theirs, judging by their account of the number of years they have lived. In a Newspaper Office. "We got that obituary badly twisted.” “How so?" “Instead of saying that Jones left a wife and two sons, we said that he left two wives and one son.” “All right; we’ll correct it, if he kicks about it.” She Could Spare Him. “We are getting up contributions for the Home for Inebriate Workingmen,” explained the committee as Mrs. O’Flarity opened the door to them. Mrs. O'Flarity smiled broadly. “Come back on the inside of half an hour,” said she, “and yea can git Mr. O’Flarity.” In Old Kentucky. “I hear Colonel Bourbon's left arm w*as cut off in the railway accident." “Yes, suh, a most unfawtunate oc- i currence, but fawtunately his drinking arm was entirely uninjured." —Life. I Rather. Injurious. Surgeon General Rixey was talking in Washington about his recent state ment concerning the harm that cig arettes do sailors. “Let them defend the cigarette as they please.” he said; "whenever I hear these defences I think of the sick horse and the turpentine. "Tom met Bill on the road one day. “ 'Bill, I want a word with you,’ he said. “Be quick, then,” said Bill; I'm in a hurry.” “ 'What did you give your sick horse the other day?’ “ 'A pint of turpentine.’ "Tom hurried home, and poured a pint of turpentine down the throat of his own ailing nag, which at once grew worse and in an hour was dead. "Then Tom, disgusted with Bill's veterinary ability, sought him out. “ ’Why. Bill,’ he said, ’I gave my horse a pint of turpentine, and it killed him.’ “ ‘So it did mine,” said Bill. Awful Effects. Acrid Ike —Dey say dat stead}* drippin' o' water’ll wear away a stone. Dreamy Pete—Jes, t’lnk, den. wot’d happen t’ a man’s stomach by pourin' glassfuls inter it.—February Bohemian. On Carnegie. Andrew Carnegie, at a dinner that was recently given In his honor in New York, told an amusing story at his own expense. "I was traveling on an English rail road last year," he said, “and had chosen a seat in a non-smok ing carriage. At a wayside station a man boarded the train and sat down in my compartment, and lighted a vile clay pipe. “ ‘This is not a smoking carriage,’ said I. “ 'All right, governor,’ said the man. ‘l'll Just finish this pipe here.' "He finished it, then refilled it again. “ ‘See here,’ I said. ‘I told you this wasn’t a smoking carriage. If you per sist with that pipe I shall report you at the next station to the guard.’ “I handed him my card. He looked at it, pocketed it, but lighted his pipe nevertheless. At the next station, how ever, he changed to another compart ment. “Calling a guard. I told him what had occurred and demanded that the smok er's name and address be taken. " ‘Yes, sir,' said the guard, and hur ried away. In a little while he re turned. He seemed rather av/ed. He bent over me and said apologetically: “ ‘Do you know, sir, if I were you I would not prosecute that gent. He has just given me his card. Here it is. He is Mr. Andrew Carnegie.” The Savage Age. H. G. Fiske, president of the Na tional Humane Alliance, said recently 1n New York, in an address upon hu manity; "Hattianity abolishes that cruelty, of ten thoughtless, which keeps current speeches, such as one I overheard a boy of ten make to a boy of eight. “ ‘Say, Jimmy,’ so ran this speech, •give us a suck o’ that there orange o’ yourn, an’ I’ll let ye drown one o’ our kittens.’ ” $5.00 in Gold, Free. Send us the names of your friends who want a piano, and if we secure an order as a result we will give you $5 in geld for your trouble. Send all the details you can and write plainly. The Knight-Campbell Music Co., 1625-31 California St., Denver. Colo. He Wouldn't Set. A Washington photographer, now fa mous, told the other day how, in his youth, he was practicing his art in Cleveland when Mark Twain visited the town to lecture. Impressed with the humorist’s splen did features, the photographer, at the lecture’s end, sent up a note asking Mr. Clemens for a sitting. The reply that came back was char acteristic. It said: “A sitting! Is thy servant a hen that he should do this thing?” Denver Directory J. H. WILSON STOCK. SAOOLES Afck your c1»-iil>r for them. Take no oth»r. CTnVF HEPAIRS of f v#rr known make O I U I L „f slave. furnm-e or ranr* A. Fallen. 1831 U»wnc*. Dntfver.* Thona 785. BROWN PALACE HOT EL Kurupran Plan. 81.50 and Upward. AGENTS WANTED To secure Homeaeekrr* for the Gulf Coast of Texas. Flow In* Artesian Wells —3 Crops a Year—Hl* Commission. THK tfIMBAM. • AGKXCY CO.. 009 17th Nt.. Iknver. C’olw. & E. BURLINGAME & CO., ASSAY OFFICE L^BORA^ORY Established in Colorsdo.lB66. Sample* by mail or express will receive prompt and careful attention Gold &, Silver Bullloi ’TSSt-ISSSMISS?" Concentration Tests— 100 1736-1738 Ijmivirr Nt., Denver, Colo. The M.J.O’FALLON SUPPLY CO. WHOLESALE Plumbing: and Steam Goods Boilers and radiators for heat Inc residences aim ,'umir uuliulngs. General steam and wa ter works supplies; pipe and flttinirs. valves and packlnsr- Brass pipe, sewer pipe, cement. Itarden hose, fire hose. etc. Inquire for our special pipe cutting tools. Write for ireneral Information. OFFICE. K.IB WYNKOOP ST., DENVER. l’(ll.()ltAI)Q. Plants ym roses ” n i- i. n s. vine s. SHRUBS, FRUIT AND [ ORN AM KNTAI. TREES I.OW PRICE. Free Cataloa A treats Wanted. • t A, ‘ COLORADO NEWS The contract for furnishing the Den ver auditorium will call for providing ten thousand chairs. The walls of the new Odd Fellows hall at Coal Creek have been com pleted and the building will be finished in March. William Hildebrand, who built the cog railway up Bike's Peak, and who was one of the foremost civil engineers In the country, died in New York City February 21st. The Lamar National bank of Lamar has been authorized 10 begin business with $50,000 capital. M. Strain is pres ident, B. T. McClave. vice president, and L. F. Adams, cashier. The annual meeting of the Grand Valley Cantaloupe Association was held at Grand Junction February 21st. B. C. Oyder was elected president and A. J. Chesley secretary-treasurer. The application of J. N. A key, Janies M. Allen. 1.. C. Schmidt, R. S. Dickey and J. A. Challgren to organize the Farmers’ National Bank of Windsor, with $25,000 capital has been approved by the comptroller of the currency. Senator Guggenheim is making an efTort to liuve the salaries of laborers at the Leadvllle fish hatchery raised in the sundry civil approjiriatlon bill from SOOO to $720 per annum and the cook nt the hatchery from S4BO to $720. The Colorado Game and Fish Protec tive Association has extended the Beaver Land '& Irrigation Company a vote of thanks because the company has announced it will take measures to protect the trout in Beaver creek. Fremont county. The Florence & Cripple Creek rail road is using every available freight car on its line between Florence and Cripple Creek, its business having in creased to such an extent in the last thirty days that the present rolling stock is inadequate. More than thirty Japanese laborers were shipped into Florence on the 18th inst. to work on the Rio Grande rail road. Every section man on the di vision was laid tiff, but all foremen were retained. The Japanese will work between Salida and Pueblo. Colorado patents granted: J. W. Campbell, Colorado Springs, fire es cape; E. E. Clark. Colorado Springs, calculator; C. S. Proctor. Denver, elec tro-pneumatic drill; M. Sporleder, Colo rado City, setting, mechanism for watches; W. G. Swart, Denver, roaster. At Glitiwood Springs on the 14th 14th inst. John Hopkins was found guilty In the District Court of violating the game laws and was fined $75 and costs, the total being nearly S2OO. He was charged with having the carcasses of six deer in his possession, but was found guilty of having only three. For the reason that the bridge de signed in the state engineer’s office would be heavier and more expensive than necessary, the county commis sioners of Garfield county have de cided to reject all bids which have been submitted for the construction of the bridge over the Grand river at Silt and advertise for new bids on a lighter structure. The contracts for the state printing for the coming year have been awarded to the Kistler Stationery Company and the Hoeckel Blank Book Company, both of Denver. The bid of the Kistler Company was the lowest of three for the stationery and circular printing, and there were five competitors for the blank book contract, the Hoeckel com pany presenting the lowest bid. An echo of the Adobe wreck on the Rio Grande railroad, March IC, 1906, was heard at Denver a few days ago when Eliza Blatz and her daughter filed two suits, asking SIO,OOO damages from the road. One suit Is brought in the name of Mrs. Blatz and Theresa Blatz and asks $5,000. The other by Mrs. Blatz alone. Charles B. Blatz, the husband and father, was killed in the wreck. The ranch home of Justin Pomeroy, the largest In the Pinedale district, was recently burned to the ground as the result of the carelessness of a sixteen year-old bov employed at the place. The boy lighted a roaring fire in a stove, paid no further attention to it, and in a short time the fire was com niunlcat »d to the building, which was destroyed, together with Its contents. The less is estimated at about $25,000. M. b. Robinson, former superin tendent of the United Oil Company, has given the Florence high school a valuable collection of rare minerals, which he has gathered In Colorado during the last seventeen years. Palae ozoic and cenozolc fossils and the mesozolc cretaceous rocks of Colorado are represented in the collection, which has great scientific value and a money value of several hundred dol lars. John T. Burns of Denver, who served for five years ns secretary of the Colo rado State Commercial Association, has gone to Wyoming to take charge of the publicity work of that state as manager of the Cheyenne Industrial Club, and as assistant secretary of the Trans-Mis s url Dry Farming Congress, which is to lie made one of the leading econom ical movements of the entire West and which is to meet next winter in Chey enne. The Fremont County Fair Associa tion will hold its annual fair at Canon City September 9th. 10th nnd 11th, which will be during the week preced ing the state fair at Pueblo. Owing to lhe fruit failure in the Arkansas val ley, no fair was held last fall. The Outlook now is encouraging for a splen did crop this year and the directors are confident that the forthcoming ex hibition will be better than any of Its predecessors. On March Ist the colonist period be gins and low rates to the West will be put into effect on the railroads in ac cordance with the annual custom. The colonist period lasts from March Ist to April 80th. and during that time the Denver & Rio Grande railway will handle sixty-two west bound tourist cars a week at the inside, and quite frequently more. These cars are des tined for Los Angeles. San Francisco and Portland, but will undoubtedly bring a large nuniber of settlers into Colorado. The Standard Fire Brick Company of Pueblo lias a contract for 500 cars of brick to be used in constructing coke evens in Old Mexico. The con tract was secured over a number of large eastern concerns and is one of the largest ever taken by the company. The City Council of Fort Collins has appropriated S4OO to the fund being raised by the O. A. R. of the city to provide for entertaining delegates and visitors to the Colorado-Wyoming De partment encampment of the Grand Army May 19th, 20th and 21st. Elabor ate preparations are making for the event and a large number of veterans are expected to attend. KILLED AT THE ALTAR. Anarchist Murders Catholic Priest During Mass. Denver.—During the most solemn moment of Holy Mass at St. Eliza beth's Catholic church, Guarauaccra Guinseppe (or Guiseppe Guarnaccio), alias Angelo Gabriele, spat the conse crated wafer from his mouth with an oath. and. without arising from his knees at the communion rail, shot and killed Father Francis Leo Heinrichs while the priest was still bowed in benediction over him. The assassina tion occurred at 6:30 o’clock Sunday morning. Father Leo sank upon the conr "Uinlnn rail and tiled with the sub lime Latin words of the service of the i.oi d s supper on his lips. The communion rail was lined with communicants, and the church was partly filled with worshipers awaiting their turn to partake of the sacra ment. With a cry the murderer sprang up' and started down the side aisle of the church. Knocking women to right and left, flourishing the gun before him, he made for the main entrance of the church. Cries of "For God's sake, hold him!" came from the panic stricken people. Policeman Daniel Cronin, who was sitting not ten feet hack from the altar, sprang after the man. Hurdling two benches he was upon the murderer when the latter caught his feet in the malting and fell. He was up again in an instant hut Cronin, pressing his revolver close to tlie stomach of the assassin, wrenched the weapon from the Ital ian's hands. Ami back near the altar, where he had fallen. Father Leo lay dead, not n spot of blood besmirching the robe of white which he wore. Guariincclo was hurried to the city fall. Foreboding rumors of mob vio lence reached the ears of the police and not ten minutes after the Italian had been jailed, the low rumble of voices and the tramping of hundreds of feet could be heard coming up Larimer street. For a time it was be lieved that the crowd was simply one bent on curiosity and no demonstra tion was made until nbout 10 o’clock, when shouts went up for a lender. Chief of Police Delaney rushed at once to the Jail, hurried the murderer into other clothes, told him to don a slouch hat. and. taking him through the rear door of the jail, hurried him into his nutomobile and away to the county jail. Shouts began to arise for the blood of the assassin and it was about 1 o’clock when the crowd real ized that Gunrnaccio had been taken to the county jail. The mob then hur ried thither. When the mob started for the county Juil Guarnaccio was again placed in an automobile and whirled away to Littleton, where n train for Colorado Springs was caught. Guarnaccio was in custody of Detec tives DeLue and Sanders and Sheriff Nlsbet. The motive for the crime is doubt ful. It is said that Guarnaccio is either simply a mad assassin, or one cool and collected who held a grudge against Father Leo ever since the lat ter was preaching in Paterson, New Jersey. a year ago. Father Leo came to Denver from Paterson. New Jersey, last September, and Guarnaccio came from the same place on December 15th last. The Italian was born in Milan. Italv. hot bed of anarchism, and is a confessed anarchist and socialist. It is reported that In the city Jail, when an interpreter was secured, the declared that he had started out in the morning with the intention of killing four priests in Denver. He said he was an anarchist and had been teaching anarchistic doctrines for fifteen years. Only his arrest prevented him from killing three more priests, whose names he refused to divulge. Guar naccio stated that he did not know Father Leo and had never seen him before, but that the doctrines of an archy taught him that all priests were enemies of the common people and should be killed. He boasted of having done a good deed, and said: “My work is done. Let the law take Its course.” Course in Forestry. Fort Collins. —President Ayleswortl: of the Agricultural College has made the following announcement: “A short course in forestry will be held at the Colorado Agricultural col lege, commencing Monday, March 16, 1908, and continuing four weeks. The course will be under the direction or F. W. Morrell of the United State?, forestry service, who will be assisted by members of the faculty of the agri cultural college and experts from thu forestry service. The course is open to all interested in tin* many phases of this important subject and a special invitation is extended to city officials, farmers, lumbermen, high school stu dents and students of colleges and uni versities. Among the subjects which will receive attention are forest man agement range and forest laws, study of timber, its measurement, uses and preservation: the entomology of for ests, a study of insects and diseases, government field work, forest adminis tration, protection and transportation, forest types, ptinclples underlying the life history of trees, forest physiog raphy, hydrography nnd many other topics of interest, such as packing, lumberin'.*, etc., as applied to Colorado forestry.” Ranch Fued Causes Bloodshed. Denver. —A Republican special from Fort Collins Saturday says: The fear ful condition of John McLean, shot tliroug- the right arm, lower right jaw, tongue And upper left jaw. with his teeth afl • knocked out and his face practically torn off by a bullet fired by Tom Metcalf, Is the result of a neighborhood feud in the region eight miles southeast of Fort Collins on the Weld and Larimer county line. McLean objected to having an Irri gation ditch run across his land, and after the courts gave the Metcalfs the right to run It there, made throats against them. Yesterday he carried out his threats by opening fire on them and their workmen and was probably fatally wounded by young Metcalf, who claims he shot to save his father's life. Denver Auditorium Seats. Denver. —At a meeting of the audi torium furnishing committee contracts were awarded for seating the build ing. The balcony chairs will be fur nished by tlie American Seating Com pany of Chicago and the gallery chairs by the prnver Dry Goods Company. Temporary seats. 2.000 in number, for delegates and alternates were con tracted for with Paulson & Co. of Den ver, the remainder of the lower floor to be seated by Fell & Co. of Fell. Ind. The total number of chairs will i limit 15.000 and they must be in place ' y June sth. The Winning Smile. "Say. Mag." said Mame, "I don't see how you got so stuck on him. He ain’t good-looking nor nothin'.” “i know he ain’t,” replied the love lorn Maggie, ’’but didn’t yer never no tice w'at a lot o’ gold he's got In his teeth?” How’s This? We offer One Hundred Holler* Itewarl for an* emxr of Catarrh that cannot bo cured by Hall** Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. J. j We. the undersigned, hate known K. j. ciieuejr for the I eat 15 year", and believe btra perfectly hon orable tn all bualneaa transaction- nnd tinauctally able to carry out any obligations made i.y hi. firm. Waloino. Kihnan A M,kvin. Wholesale Druggl -t., Toledo. O nail’s Catarrh Cure la taken Internally, acting directly up >n the blo<al and mucout Mirfaoe* of the •yntetu. Tc tlmonlala sent free. I‘rlie '.5 cents por bottle. Sold by all Drugglata. Take UaU'a Family I’lUa for constipation. Sees America a Heaven. Prof. W. B. Elkin of the I'niversity of Missouri believes that America will be a veritable heaven on earth within 100 years, and he goes on to tell why in an article which he has written for the American Journal of Sociology. , Among other things which will be a feature of the millennium lie pictures is a reformed press. Newspapers, he says, will be printed and edited by the colleges. Running No Risk. "What?” asks the maiden aunt. “Going to marry that Mr Nowwun? Why, you hardly know the man, Imo gene. In the few days you have been acquainted with him you cannot pos sibly have learned anything of his fam ily of, antecedents or habits or per sonal circumstances.” “That is true. Aunt Keturah. But you have always told me that no wom an who knows anything about a man will marry him."—Success Magazine. The Making of a Journalist. Henry H. Ashton, a Virginia City capitalist, has in his library, richly bound in crushed Levant, those early volumes of the Virginia City Enter prise to which Mark Twain contrib uted. The faded pages contain innumer able specimens of the famous writer’s quaint humor. Mr. Ashton often points out the first paragraph that Mark Twain wrote on his arrival in Virginia City. The paragraph runs: "A thunderstorm made Heranger a poet, a mother’s kiss made Benjamin West a painter and a salary of sls a week mukes us a journalist.” HOW DO THEY GET IN? Physiological Problem That Nora Could Not Solve. A Philadelphia physician tells cf an amusing conversation between two Irish girls In domestic service who, while on the board walk nt Atlantic City one day not long ago. were ex changing views as to their various physical ailments. "It’s a sthrange thing, ain't it. Norah,” asked one of the girls, “how manny new koinds of diseases people get these days. Only this mor-rnin’ I were readin' an advertisement of a new midiclne. It said it were wonder rful for a sluggish liver." “Gwan!” exclaimed the other girl, scornfully. ’Liver trouble ant no new dlsase. Me own grandfather was havin’ liver trouble whin I were not more'n tin years old." “Maybe,” was the laconic response. "But," added Norah, "what I want to know Is: how do thlm slugs get insldo the liver, anyhow?”—lllustrated Sun day Magazine. SHE WAS BUSY, TOO! She—And. did my Durkums do a lot of work-work at the office last night? He—A—er—yes, dear; in fact, dar ling, I was so much occupied that I have never known time go as quickly as it did last night. She—Yes, dear, didn't It! (And Dickums wasn’t out late again!) BRAIN POWER Increased by Proper Feeding. A lady writer who not only has done good literary work, but reared a family, found In Grape-Nuts the Ideal food for brain work and to develop healthy children. She writes: ”1 am an enthusiastic proclaimor of Grape-Nuts as a regular diet. I for merly had no appetite in the morning and for 8 years while nursing my four children, had insufficient nourishment for them. “Unable to eat breakfast I felt faint later, anfl'would go to the pantry and eat cold chops, sausage, cookies, dough nuts or anything 1 happened to find. Being a writer, at times my head t>At heavy and my brain asleep. "When I read of Grape-Nuts I began eating it every morning, also gave it to the children. Including, my 10 months old baby, who soon grew as fat as a litle pig, good natured and contented. "Within a week I had plenty of breast milk, and felt stronger within two weeks. I wrote evenings and feeling the need of sustained brain power, began eating a small saucer of Grape-Nuts with milk instead of my usual indigestible hot pudding, pie, or cake for dessert at night. "Grape-Nuts did wonders for me and I learned to like it. I did not mind my housework or mother’s cares, for I felt strong and full of ‘go.’ I grew plump, nerves strong, and when I wrote my brain was active and clear; indeed, the dull head pain never re turned.” "There’s a Reason.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read, "The Road to Wellvllle,” In pkgs. POLICE JUDGE WILLS. Will Gladly Answer the Questions of any Inquirer. It Is a generous offer that Police Judge J. H. Wills, of Cloverport, Ky., makes to sufferers from backache, kid- ney and bladder ills. Judge Wills knows the value of Doan's Kidney Pills and will answer the ques tions of any sufferer who writes to him. The judge says: "I take pleasure in recommending Doan's Kidney Pills to persons suffer ing from kidney disorders, backache, etc. It is the best remedy I have ever known and I will gladly answer any questions about it." Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y. HER CHOICE OF DEMISE. Pathetic Thought of Little Girl Who Had Lost Playmate. Mary had for neighbor a small play mate, a much-loved and attractive boy. The little lad rushed across the street one day, throwing back a glance at his mother. At that instant a trolley car swept around the corner and the re sulting tragedy threw the town into mourning. Each family wept ns though its own son had been lost. Mary was utterly disconsolate and, little ns she hud previously known of death, realized in a childish way the added horror of this one. In her con vulsive grief, and while her father and mother sat with sobs in their throats and tears overflowing, Mary straight ened up and sobbed: “Mother, when .1 die I hope it will be of a disease and not of a damage!” ECZEMA FOR 55 YEARS. Suffered Torments from Birth—ln Frightful Condition—Got No Help Until Cuticura Cured Him. “I had an itching, tormenting ecze ma ever since I came into the world, and I am now a man 55 years old. I tried all kinds of medicines I heard of, but found no relief. I was truly in a frightful condition. At last I broke out all over with red and white boils, which kept growing until they were as big as walnuts, causing great pain and misery, but I kept from scratching as well as I could. I was so run down that I could hardly do my work. I used Cuticura Soap, Oint ment, Resolvent, and Pills for about eight months, and I can truthfully say I am cured. Hale Dordwell, Tipton, la., Aug. 17. 1907.” “I cheerfully endorse the above tes timonial. It is the truth. I know Mr. Rordwell and know the condition he was in. Nelson R. Burnett, Tipton, la.” GREATNESS. The man who has greatness thrust upon him is always sure that he could have achieved it if that had been nec essary. John Muir's Simplicity. Once, in a talk with E. H. Harrlman, John Muir, author and ranchman, said that he was richer than Mr. Harriman. “I know what you mean,” said Mr. Harriman, "but I won't admit it. Don't you think wealth is a good thing for a man?” “Not great wealth—no. Your rich man renounces too much. I would rather lie down at night by an old spring I know up in the Sierras than to own the Waldorf-Astoria —that is, if I had to live in it.” —Bookman. Macaroni Wheat. Snlzer’a strain of Macaroni or Kubanka whont is absolutely pure and is from seed obtained from the Department of Agri culture. Our strain is Dakota grown which laughs at droughts ami elements ami positively inocks black rust that ter rililc scorch and would be ashamed of itself if it did not return trom 40 to 80 bu. of the finest wheat the sun shines on per acre in good 111., la., Mich.. Wis., Ohio, Penn.. Mo.. Neb.. Kan., and other lands, and 40 to 00 bu. per acre in arid lands. No rust, no insects, no failure. JUST HEM) 10c AND THIS NOTICE to t..e John A. Salzer Seed Co., La ( rosse, Wis., and thev will send you the most original seed faiok published, to gether with free samples of farm needs such as Macaroni Wheat, Billion Dollar (Jrass, Victoria Rape, Sainfoin, the dry soil luxuriator. Broinus Inerinis, the des ert grassificr, Emperor William Oats, more original than the Emperor himself, etc., etc., etc. And if you send 14c they will mail in addition a package of farm seed never lie fore seen by vou. John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. K. & W. To refuse to yield to others when reason or a special cause require It is a mark of pride and stiffness. — Thomas a Kemplq.^ “Brown's Bronchial Troches" at helpful to singers, teachers and cltrgymen for clearing the voice. Con tain nothing harmful. Of course men are not vain, but Just tell a man of 50 that he doesn't look a day over 30 and watch the effect. •>»>»»»»»»»»»»))& I RHEUMATISM rfQjL. V is most painful. i J )JJ $ iSTJACQBS o»Ljjj|y > Gives £ Removes the twinges. X / USE IT, THEN YOU’LL KNOW $ £ / 20e.— ALL DRUGGISTS—OOc. Ul O >? j TERRIBLE. Minister—I'm afraid you men will do anything for money. Meandering Mike—Yus; some fel lows will even work for 1L A St. Patrick Rooster. “My friend,” said the irato custom er to his poultryman in Washington market, "I didn't like that last chick en at all. Why, it had no lungs!” “Oh. that's all right; It was a St. Patrick rooster.” "A St. Patrick rooster? What has that got to do with the case?” "Lord, man, don’t you know that a St. Patrick rooster never crows? Therefore what does he want with lungs? Anything else wrong with him?” “Well, er—er —no. Otherwise he was a fine animal.” “Good. Hut next time I'll throw in an extra pair of lungs."—New York Press. Modus Vivendi. The handsome but impecunious young chap who bad married the rich and elderly widow began to hint that It was time to give him the control of her funds and the management of her estate. "Launcelot," she said, "I shall allow* you a sufficient income for the supply of your wants, but I expect to keep my business affairs in my own hands. This is not a consolidation. This is a limited partnership.” Meat of the Cocoanut. “Your honor," said the lawyer, “I ask the dismissal of my client on the ground that the warrant falls to state that he hit Bill Jones with malicious intent.” “This court," replied the country justice, “ain’t a graduate of none of your technical schools. I don't care what he hit Bill with. The pint is, did he hit him? Proceed.” WHAT CAUSES HEADACHE. From October to May, Colilm nr«- the moat fre quent enuaeof lleatliii-lie. I.AXATIVK IIKII.MU QUININE remove* i-auae. K.W.Groreon box£>u The more money a girl has to burn the easier It will be for her to find a leap-year match. PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS. PAT.O OINTMKNT I. giiarantr»<l to cur* any r»« of In-hlng. Hllnd. HlreUlng or Protruding l*llea In 6to Uduy* or money refunded. 60c. It is not easy to sting a bear with a straw. —Danish. For In fajita and Children., Kind You Have § HBSlMllffl Always Bought \ ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT I M > AWfetable Preparation for As- | _ . M p| | Bears the v. Id Signature i," Promotes Digestion,Cheerful- M Jf IP fi nessandßest.Containsneither nf /ft /Y 1> Opium .Morphine nor Mineral “ £ If* Si Wot Narcotic. (ku Iti JW- • aI/ \ S \ VJT ■ I } ft Jft 1 In Ut. s ‘*rL ] VI mi ■ Jtf w-a-r-.-'-w ' kk T p II a a : Aperfed Remedy forConstipa /AT Aft lIS H MU lion. Sour Stomach,Diarrhoea, I a Ifr —— tie Worms,Convulsions.Feverish- I IkT mm A lijS ness and Loss OF SLEEP - EljP I] WOP Facsimile Signalureof Thirty Years isiffiWiMdniPTnmg under the Uff | wIEIIW Exact Copy of Wrapper. tm< cs-TAua couhut aiwTOiicmr. MEN, BOYS. WOMEN, MISSC* AND CHILDREN. \ ff W. L Doug!am ntakma and mmi/m wow U /Bv. 8 WBL mon’a 92.60, 93.00 and 93. KOnhomm *** __ thmn any othan manufacturea In the \ lpHLwfck' m■ W9W'< xV J BGf marld, bmemuma they hold thalr "C® TOlKw ahapm. fit batfar.waar lonoor. and \\WMZ3 r am or onaatmr watua than any othar ac-A xfij ahooa fnthm mrorld to-day. JP* W. L. Douglas $4 and $5 Gilt Edge Sheet Cannot Be Equalled At Any Price nr •> A ITT lOW. W. I. Dongla* nam* »nd price l« lumped on bottom. Tribe Wo Knhatlliifo. 8.,M bj the test oho* dr-al-ra evrrywhere. bOoea tnnUed from igijon to mnr tmrt of world. IIU»- (anted Catalog Ire* to any addrcaa. W. 1- I»OfLU.AI», llruchiuu, Kuo. WOMAN’S BACKACHE The back is the mainspring of woman’s organism. It quickly calls attention to trouble by aching. Ifc tells, with other symptoms, such as nervousness, headache, pains in the loins, weight in the lower part of the body, that a woman’s feminine organism needs iminediutont tent ion. In such cases iho one sure remedy which speedily removes the cause, and restores the feminine organism to a healthy, normal condition is LYDIA E.PINKH AM'S VEGETABLE COMPOUND Mrs. Will Young, of fi Columbia lbM'kiand, Ale., says: “ I wan triMibb'fl for a 10/ig.tirm* with drrndful baukttcliea and a pain ia my side, and was miserable in every way. I doctor**! until 1 wax discouraged niitl thought I would never get well. I read what Lydia L. I'inUhaui'a Vegetable ('oinpoiiud bail done for othera nnd decided to try it; after taking threo bottles I can truly say that I never felt so well iu my life." Mrs, August us Lyon,of East Earl, l*a., writes to Airs. Piukhitm: “ I bad very severe backaches, and prchMUg-dowu pains. I could not eiuep, nnd had no appetite. Lydia 10. i'iu.kr ham’s Vegetable Compound cured me and mnd* me feci like a new woman." FACTS FOIt SICK WOMCff. For thirty years Lydia E. lunk ham’s Vegetable Comixmnd, mado from roots and herbs, has been the standard remedy for female ills, and has positively cured thousands of women who have lieen t rouided with displacements, infiainmat ion, uleertw tion, fibroid tumors, irregu lari ties, neriodic |Niins, backache, that iioar* Ing-flowii tcoling, flatulency, indices. tioi),dizzincHs.<»r nervous prostration. If loUrtriMi In u*j)|try, Writ*.for oor iHjofcla* 20 Years with Poultry Illu*tr»i4*t IwuulMj «*r r«a»'"l UlhSMtola 14*aa f«r th« <<l ■ -.iilll y ».l»«-r rn»X! MUX H. LU MX, oiaaXa, FFM rs SEEDs For fi rah- I ability^Tsrry'sSeeds I yJBFa »re iau class by them " S..d 0 M.FunXCa^Oniwr.Mica. orrn THtrs v \ppl|llTourk-'l ■■ . OLLU ear new Catmloene. it's TtULK. J. J. M. hum 4 is. Mas w»». Rut W. N. U., DENVER, NO. 9, 1908.