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The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, December 29, 1909, Image 1

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86063147/1909-12-29/ed-1/seq-1/

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Copyrighted ISjO9. by C. H. Relth.
For January.
John, John, the piper’s son.
Stole a pig, and away he run,
But where he had the time before
Been hotly followed through thi*
And down the street with cries of
And in the windup come to grief.
He was amazed this time to hear
Them say, “There goes a financier.”
At which the Sheriff by the way
Applauded where another day
He had put after him, and men
Who had with exclamations then
Dashed after him, an angry crowd.
Made way for him, and smiled and
With all the homage rendered pelf.
Till John just had to pinch iiimsel:
He reached the calaboose at !ast.
And when the jailer’s daughter cast
A dozen roses in his path
And asked him for his photograph
And all the thieves began to shou;
Appeals to him to get tarn out.
Suspicion had become so strong
That John knew there was some
thing wrong.
And so there was, as they wit
Explained to him: The pig wn
Two-bits a pound, and stealing it
Was not mere thieving, but a bit
Of high finance, for which there i
No Penalty. The pig was his.
And not the butcher’s, like tin
When pork was selling at a dime.
January gets its name from Janu
Blfrons, a famous Roman explore!
Two-faced Janus, as he is known
claimed to huve reached the Nortl
Pole as early as 23 B. C., but h<
could not Copenhagen with the wi»
dom of that learned city, and the.
put the den mark on him.
March was at that time the be
ginning of the year. This woutl
was named for the great war got.
of the Romans, but Kurna said tha.
inasmuch as liars were first at tin
pole and everywhere else they migh
as well be first in the calendar
too, and January was made tin
first month. Subsequently Caesa.
increased the number of days ii
It from 29 to 31. He was to re
tire from the imperatorship tin
last of the month, and wanted t«.
squeze five pay days into It.
The water wagon will resume
With Carrie Nation chauffing
And megaphones announcing room
For anybody loafing.
The happy group will tool along
With prohibition potter
And now and then hit up a song
Of loyalty to water.
The wary publican, about to b(
reduced to squalor, will set a glas.
and bottle out and blow upon hit
caller. The which display and du
cut sound will set old ballads ring
ing, and on the second time aroum
not many will be singing.
At whi h the publican will send
A wireless Tom and Jerry
With earthenware hit end to end
And whistle on a cherry.
And when the car comes rounc
Someone, the truth confiding
To Carrie gently, will explain
That no one else is riding.
The wolf will wear a groove
around the poor man’s habitation,
and even prunes will go to twice
their present valuation. The thrif
ty populace will sift the ashes for
Its fuel, and the plutocrat will weai
a piece of bacon for a jewel.
The wind will smite the house
with its refrigerated drizzle, and
Boreas will work around the win
dows with a chisel. The plumber
will run in and out at 50 cents a
minute, and the moving will
come around with seven bailiffs in
It is a cheerful time of year,
there is no doubt about it, and
Winter’s such a a hit with us we
could not do without it. The shaggy
calf backed in the stack with straw
around his plumbing would bawi
his heart out if he thought the gen
tle Spring were coming.
He’d hate to see the grass grow
green and hear the birdies warble,
or greet the passing tumblebug back
pedaling his marble. He wouldn't
give a whoop outdoors to gambol
On the clover and dance the raz-pa
tas until exhaustion bowls him
over .
He loves the way his ribs stick
out and rattle In the blizzard, and
dotes upon the piece of ice he’s us
ing for a gizzard. The tempest and
The Lamar Register
.he paucity of sustenance delight
lim, and he dearly loves to won
ler where the Artie next will bite
nim .
The sign of the zodiac for Jan
lary will be Halley’s comet, which
■s now bearing down upon us at
the rate of about 1200 miles a min
te. The comingofthis comet ha..
>een awaited with a great deal of
satisfaction by people who believe
hat Providence cares for its own.
It is a very strange and terrifying
light, and upon former occasions it
las frightened the wicked out of.
cheir boots. Halleylulliah, which is
.lie first repentant exclamation of
i sinner, originated in this way, and
:here is tremendous curiosity to see
f people like Mr. Rockefeller, Mr.
.dorgan and Hellandam Cannon will
iay halleylullah when they see It.
rlalley’s comet was last visible in
1835, which was known as the
/ear of repentance. All the trusts
/oluiitarily busted themselves that
/ear, people who had been grasp
ing gave great sums of money back,
and everybody was enthusiast!,
about the golden rule.
The con\et is a kind of star with
i nebulous beard. It Is going to
>e a great factor in our lives for
x while. It has no regular orbit,
out is a kind of providential pollce
*nan-at-large. Wherever there is ar.
nt. Ii nation upon the part of a few
inhabitants of a planet to make th'
•est of the inhabitants get off,
he comet bobs up and makes a deni
mstration such as we shall see hen
or a few months. This generally
puts the fear that ought to be In
jverybody’s heart there or there
abouts. In May, which ends the
.’lseal year of the Standard Oil Co.
:he United States Steel Corporation
and some others, the comet will ap
uroach as close as 5,000,000 miles.
Then February will return
Upon Its merry round.
And the groundhog will emerge to
What’s doing underground .
H .W. Williams’ Funeral.
“’ll. W. Williams, who died at the
uome of his daughter, Mrs. L. V.
Hill, in this city, December 16, was
buried at Fillmore Saturday. A
short service was held here after
wnich tue body was conveyed to Fill
more, wuere services were held at
J o’clock P. M., Rev. Creasy of this
city officiating.
Deceased was born in Orange, N.
J., 1837, and was therefore 72
years, 10 months and II days old
when he died. He had been a suf
ferer from Bright’s disease and
aeart trouble for some mouths, aud
nis death was not unexpected. His
wife died three years ago last March
<n Fillmore, since which time he had
lived with his children. The follow
ing children are left to mourn the
toss of a kind aud loving father:
Mrs. L. V. Hill of Hillsboro, Mrs.
Carrie Scribner, John aud Horace
%V’illiams, all of Lamar, Colo., Miss
Jessie Williams of St. Louis, aud
Easton Williams of Fillmore .
“Web” Williams was a mein—
jei oi the Presbyterian church and
a genuine Cnristian gentleman. Foi
many years he lived at Fillmore
wiicre he conducted a harness shop,
and where he was highly respect
ed for his sterling integrity and
nis admirable qualities as a man
and a citizen. He was a quiet, un
obtrusive man, but enjoyed the
confidence and esteem of all who
anew him.
Mr. Williams was a member of
the Woodman fraternal order and
carried SI,OOO life insurance.—Mont
gomery News, Hillsboro, Illinois, De<
16. 1909.
Notes From Lamar Register of
December 28, 1889.
Mr. Zimmerman has a number of
teams at work on the Midland
canal. (Dec. 28, 1909, a meeting
is being held to see if the Mid
land can be revived.)
Fred J. Myers & Co., of Coving
ton, Ky., was awarded the contract
to construct a Jail for Prowers couu
ty. Price $2900.
Pete Lynch* is having a new
room fitted up north of W. O. Lee’s
grocery aud will move to the south
Christmas was a bright warm day.
Fires were not necessary and doors
o. residences were open.
Mort Strain got more in his stock
ing than any bachelor in town, and
it wasn’t ail due to the size of the
sock either.
J. O. Stream made hlz bow as a
contributor to the local press .
Miss Minnie Cochrane and Mr.
I. C. Downing were united in mar
riage at the home of the bride’s
.’at tier, Mr. J. M. Cochrane near
John A. Williams filed a contest
at the land office for Bfi of 8-21-46.
omszaL irßarapJLPiaK os'* pjso’-vee js cotrxmr
We a S Lot of ave Holiday Goods and Toys
Fine China, Cut Glass, Books, Etc., to Close Out this week at .
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■■E3lMmBlßa2lElSBiaßHß9BlllllllBllllllBlJE£VllHUlll H K]|||MllllH|||||||||| | l|fi all B l 2
Braggists Stationers Jewelers W nr “fl is< * Sitelioeers Jewelers
Mercantile Company
. A
_ _ t
WISH THEIR friends and patrons
a Happy and Prosperous New
Year, and also express their apprecia
tion of the liberal patronage during the
year now drawing to a close.
8 Pages

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