The Delta independent. [volume], October 20, 1905, Image 2

About The Delta independent. [volume] (Delta, Colo.) 1886-19??

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VMM Ouster; tr U Writer. ■
Writ* TODAY, statins which peal* B
tftoa Inter—ta pea. to |
INTERNATIONAL I
Correspondence Schools I
C Bo* 7*9. SCBAIfTOH, Tk. r I
or m r>* ocr local uwmnrrtkrvrut I
JOHN H. CHALMER,
BOX 57,
Grasd Junction.
OEOTC. WILSON
t Manufacture rs
and duler* in
Satts
Urn
GOOiS
Eepairing neatly done. DELTA, COLO
Always Staunch
And True
The Denver Republican has al
ways avoided the fallacies and
knaveries of yellow journalism,
and its steadily increasing Circula
tion proves conclusively that its
frolicv of telling the plain Truth
without exaggeration or misrepre
sentation, standing fast for the
Right, is heartily approved with
growing force by the intelligent
Public to which it appeals.
To read it is a liberal Education,
and the citizen who goes without
I does a positive harm to himself.
*o his family, and to the commu
nity.
In no other way can the invest
ment of cents per day
—for that is all The Republican
costs any subscriber—bring such
rich results in that Knowledge
winch is both Power and Pleasure.
Information, instruction and en
tertainment fill its columns atid it
♦eaves a good taste in the mouth
of the reader.
It stands for Law and Order in
the State—for Peace, Prosperity
and Happiness in the Home.
If you are not already enrolled
among its splendid list of Patrons
send on your subscription and give
•t a fair trial at 75 cents per month
for Daily and Sunday.
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GOOD ANTIDOTE FOR EPIDEMIC.
Public Amusements Take Men’s Mind
From Perils.
“In this yellow fever scare,** raid a
New Orleans man, “our people could
n't do better than to take a pattern
from the Emperor of Chlnu."
“The Emperor of China?"
“Yes. For that man. when an
epidemic appears in any providence of
his kingdom, makes all the theatres
of the province free, and requires the
inhabitants under pain of death, to
go to some place of amusement at
least once a day.
“Furthermore, he gives free exhibit
ions of fireworks every evening, and at
these exhibitions attendance Is com
pulsory.
“What is the result? From early
morning till late at night the people,
streaming in and out of the free
shows, or blinking and grasping under
the fireworks’ splendor, have minds
occupied and tranquil don’t worry over
the epidemic that is scourging them —
and hence keep almost inmune.
“Oor people, in the face of a great
contagion, ought to be made to keep
continuously amused, like the Chinese.
Then through weakness brought on
fcy worry they wouldn’t lay them
selves open to the disease, and
through fear they wouldn’t fall to
fighting and rioting over questions of
quarantine.’’
PROVED TRUTH OF OLD ADAGE.
Thirteen at Table Certainly Proved
Unlucky for Some.
“Ever sat down thirteen to table?”
inquired the man with the salmon-pink
tie.
“Once,” said the man with the
white mustache.
“Well, you never observed any bad
luck follow it, did you?”
“I’ll bet he did,” growled the man
who believes in these things.
“Well.” said the white mustache, “it t
was a trifle unlucky for most of ’em.”
“Any of 'em die?” asked the man
who believed.
“Not enough grub to go round?”
sneerjed the salmon-pink tie.
“There were no victuals,” said the
white mustache softly. “It took place
in a lawyer’s office; it was a meeting
of creditors; there were twelve be
sides myself sat down to table.”
There was a long pause, and then
the salmon-pink tie spoke again.
“In what vuy did the meeting prove
unlucky, may I ask?”
“Poor creatures,” sighed the white
mustache, “they never got a penny out
of me. I was the bankrupt.”—London
Answers.
Breaking it Gently.
In a certain Danish province noted
for its superior breed of cattle, the
country people are not only very thrif
ty, but exceedingly fond of their cows,
aa may be gathered from the following,
characteristic story which has recent
ly been told:
Farmer Jan was walking sadly
down the road one day, when the
village pastor met him.
“Why so sad, Farmer Jan?” said
the pastor.
“Ah! I have a very sad errand, pas
tor.” replied Jan.
“What is it?”
“Farmer Hehrik’s cow is dead in
my pasture, and I am cn my way to
tell him.”
“A hard task. Jan.”
“Indeed it is pastor, but I shall
break it to him gently.”
“How will you do that?”
“I shall tell him first that it Is his
mother that is dead, and then, having j
opened the way for the telling of sad- l
der news. I shall say to him that it is
not his mother, but the cow!”
P'ans to Get Rich
are often frustrated by sudden break
down, due to dyspepsia or constipation.
Brace up and take Dr. King’s New
Life Pills. They take out the materi
als which are clogging your energies,
and give you a new start. Cure head
ache and dizziness too. At any drug
store: 25c, guaranteed.
Central tile Assurance Society
of the United States,
Dea Mines Iowa
Every policy secured by a
deposit of approved securities
with the state of Iowa. See
our New Incontestable, Non-
Forfeitable Cash Surrender
Value I'olicies.
N H. Castle,
District Manager.
GOOD AND HUMOROUS EXCUSE.
Debtor Really Deserved Qrant of Ex
tension of Time.
A prominent business house In Bal
timore placed a bill in the hands of a
collector, who. in response to a re
quest for settlement, received the fol
lowing in reply:
“My Dear Sir: Absence from the
city prevented my writing In answer
to yours of recent date.
“It will be utterly Impossible for me
to settle the claim you mention a>
present, for the very simple but good
reason—l haven't got it.
“I lost every penny I had In the
world, and considerable 1 had In the
future, in a theatrical venture last
September. Up to the present time 1
have not recovered from the shock.
“I think if you lay this fact before
your clients they will not advise you
to proceed harshly against me. From
their past experience with my modes
of procedure in days gone by I do not
think they can recall any suspicious
mannerisms which could lead them to
suppose I am a debt dodger.
“I have simply been Initiated into
the Lodge of Sorrow, Hard Luck Chap
ter. Fool Division No. 69.
"My picture, hanging crape-laden on
the walls of the Hall of Fame, bears
the legend, 'Sucker No. 35876493.’
“My motto is briefly: *1 would if I
could; but I haven't, so I can't.'
“Fortune may smile, however; up to
the present writing It has given me the
laugh. I have hopes.
“Directly I am in a position even re*
motely suggesting opulence. 1 assure
you your balance will receive my very
prompt attention."—Montreal Herald.
SHOCK TOO MUCH FOR BRUIN.
Hugging B«ar Evidently Did Net
Knew the Summer Girl.
The greet performing Russian bear
had escaped from the captivity under
which he had chafed for so many
months; but he was finding that liber
ty had its drawbacks. For many
weary hours he had prowled, but noth
ing in the shape of food had he seen.
Suddenly he gave a growl of delight,
for. sitting on a stile.he espied a tooth
some little lady, who was evidently
awaiting the coming of a young man.
Bruin did not stop to ponder upon
his good-fortune; he Eeized her in a
mighty hug. For a while she said
nothing; but as he exerted more of his
tremendous strength she murmured:
"I don’t think you are quite so
strong as you were, Gerald.”
Then once more melancholy settled
upon Bruin. He had done his best;
but the young ladles of this country
were beyond him.
With a roar of despair he retraced
his steps to the menagerie, and gave
himself up without a struggle.—Lon
don Answers.
Both Had Forethought.
tfom his first European
trip, which he called a “tower," the
late unique Tekas congressman
known in Washington as “Howdy
Martin,” told of a French butcher who
was apparently on his deathbed. He
gave his wife minute directions about
conducting the business and conclud
ed his farewell address with the earn
est warning:
“As soon as deportment will allow,
and society will approve, after I im
dead acd buried, you must marry
’Gene, my shop boy. He is an hones
! fellow, ar din the butcher business suc
cess cannot be continued without a
man to constantly look after its de
tails. So. you must marry ’Gene; and
he will make a good husband for you
Eloise.”
“Yes, my love, and he is also hard
-1 some. W© have already been talkin':
it over; so you need not worry about
us.”—Los Angeles Times.
Sheriff Holt’s Afterthought.
The late Ralph T. Holt of Keene.
N. H.. who served many terms as sher
iff of the county, had a habit of u§ing
the words “By the way” before ad
dressing a person or commencing a
conversation.
One morning in the sixties, in open
ing a session of the court, the sheriff
arose from his seat and in his usual,
dignified manner proceeded according
to the custom by repeating the follow
ing. “Hear. ye. Hear, ye. All ye
who have anything to do with the
court of common pleas, come forward
and you ahull be heard according to
law.”
At this point he sat down and re
mained seated for nearly a minute
then suddenly springing to his fee'
and looking fixedly at the judge, h
exclaimed: “By tho way, Qod save
the state.’’
Joke on Booker T. Washington.
While In a hotel a few daj u age
Booker T. Washington was pass -.ny
through a hallway when a female boa.
adorned with curl papers appeared 1;.
a door. “Say,” exclaimed the lad.
shrilly, “why don’t you bring me thu
ice water? I’ve been ringing half an
hour.” The distinguished negro took
It as a joke t hat he wan mistaken foi
a porter. “Certainly, madam," he re
sponded gravely. “I will get it for yoti
at once. I did not hear you ring.” He
went for a pitcher of water, handed it
In at the door and then told the story
to the proprietor. On learning of her
mistake the lady sent Mr. Washington
a note of apology.
Tally One for the Woman.
Him —“What a happy world this
would be if men were kept in their
proper places and tfomen were kept
In theirs.”
Her—“ Yes. I suppose so; but It
would be rough on the women.’’
Him —“Why do you think so?”
Her—" Because they would all be
guarding the jails."
LITERALLY AS SHE WAS TOLD.
Cook Lady Only Obeyed Orders of the
Mistreat.
"Speaking of the Yital question of
the hour, the servant,” said Mrs.
Young Matron. “I engaged a cook lady
last week who came well recommend
ed. After she had been with me sev
eral days I said to her, ‘I will stir up
a fruit cake, but 1 want you to attend
to the baking of it. Bake the cake,'
amid I impressively, 'one hour by the
dock!' pointing to one of those cheap
affaire, made of metal of some kiud,
that hung on the kitchen wall.
*' *Bure, mum,’ Nora replied.
"I went upstairs, took my sewing
and soon the hum of the sewing ma
chine broke the stillness. After a
while my nostrils were assailed by a
most peculiar odor. I sniffed the at
mosphere. trying to determine what
the amell might be, for sometimes
trash w*as thrown into the furnace
along with the coal. It smelled neith
er like burning rags, paper nor rub
ber. 1 threw down my sewing and
hastened to the kitchen.
“ ‘What h» burning, Nora?' I ex
d aimed.
" ‘Faith, mum, it must be the clock,'
the replied.
‘“The clock! What do you mean?*
"Nara opened the ov.?n door, disclos
ing the cake and what was left of the
clock 'side by each.’ 1 grabbed the
coal scuttle and hurriedly raked into
It the smelly mass.
" ‘What on earth, Nora.’ I demanded
‘made you put the clock In the oven!
Are you crazy?'
‘“Crazy, is it? she made answer
In tones that a tragedy queen might
have envied, 'and I just a-followln'
your orders. Didn't you tell me your
self, Nora, bake the cake one hour
by the clock?'Llpplncott’s Maga
sine.
MUCH TALENT, LITTLE GENIUS.
Justin McCarthy’s Idea of the English
Literary World.
Justin McCarthy, whose own activi
ties as a writer have extended over
more than half a century, does not
agree with the despondent note often
heard in the discussion of English lit
erature. “It is true,” he says, “that
we have not the old glauts with us.
We have much line talent, but not.
perhaps, much real genius. It is the
quiet sea after the billows. What I
mean is that in literary history you
have times of great mluds and then
again times of merely gifted minds.
The present time Is one of high aver
age talent rather than one of genius.
The average quality of English litera
ture has never, perhaps, been higher,
nnd then people are reading more.
When the next flight of great geniuses
comes along there will be a public
pitch as even Thackeray or Dickons
did not have.”
» ifHallnda and tha Cardinal.
One of the after-dinner stories float
ing about the Hamptons, a| ropos of
Cardinal Gibbons’ visit, relates to a
colored girl who once had a place in
the cardinal’s household In Baltimore.
" c he came to me.” said the woman
e ho told the story, “with a most flat
tering letter of recommendation. I
held her off until I got into communi
cation with another member of the
rectory service. 'Malindy was a line
girl, all right,’ was the response I
heard, ‘and we couldn’t find much
fault with her. But. you see. we had
to let her go, for, do what we would,
we couldn’t keep her. whim sin- want
e-* to rig herself up in extra style,
f ”on wearing the cardinal s red silk
stockings.’ ” —New York Sun.
“Yankee Doodle” Still a Favorite.
Sir Edward Elgar, reputed to he the
most famous living musical composer
of England, delivers some sharp re
marks concerning the anthems of the
rations. National anthems, as a rule,
he says, are rubbish and rot, and he
notes no exceptions to the rule. He
says the rhyme, the sentiment und in
some instances the music are vile, and
if .the music happens to be passable it
as been borrowed from somewhere.
WVII keep on singing "America.’
“'"he Star-Spangled Banner,” “Yankee
Hoodie" and even "Hail, Columbia''
though Sir Edward classes them with
the anthems of other nations.—Port
land Oregonian.
Expounding Ibsen • Plays.
Count Tolstoi’s sense of humor still
continues to exist. One day he was
discussing Ibsen with a friend. Said
the latter: "I have seen a great many
of li,sen’s plays, but I eannot say that
1 understand them. Do you?” Tolstoi
smiled and replied: “Ibsen doesn’t
understand them himself. He Just
writes them and sits down and waits.
After a while his expounders and ex
plainers come and tell him precisely
what he meant.”
Never Are.
Druggist—" That ’fifty pounds’ of ice
you left me yesterday was a fraud. I
put it on the drug store scales and ll
weighed twenty-one pounds live
scruples and a (1 ram.”
Iceman —"G'wan! There ain’t no
scruples in ice weight.’’
Druggist—“So I found out.”—Cleve
land Leader
Porter's Good-by to “Mark Twain.”
Gen. Porter tells this story of his
farewell to “Mark Twain” onto when
“Mark” was going away: *T sajd good
by ’Mark'; may God be with you al
ways.” He drawlngly replied: *1 hope
—em—ho will, but I hope, too, that he
may find some leisure moments to
take care of you.”
Chinese Rallwaye.
China has ten-railways In operation,
with a total mlleige of 2,235. or about
•ae-tenth that of Great Britain.
Faith Nat Necessary.
You may be just as skeptical and
pessimistic as you pleas*? Kodol will
digest what you eat whether you eat
whether you eat or not. You can put
your food in a bowl, pour a little Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure on it and it will digesi
it the same as it will in your stomach.
It can’t help but cure indigestion and
Dyspepsia. It is curing hundreds and
thousands—some had faith and some
didn't. Kodol will cure you if medi
cine can cure you, whether you hrve
faith in it or not. Mrs. J. P. Bailey,
Waugh, Va., says: “I am 81 years
old. Several years I suffered extreme
ly with indigestion and dyspepsia. Mj
grandson, A. Bailey, Jr., a merchant
at Allwood, Va., sent me a bottle of
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. The world
ought to know of the supreme benefits
an aged sufferer has received from this
great medicine. It entirely cured me
and I can eat all food. ” Sold by W. G.
Cook.
Trade With Japan.
Japan’s purchases from the Unit*
States In the fiscal year Just dost
amounted to $51,724,726, an increa*
of $27,000,000 over 1904; her sales t<
the United States aggregated $52,113
372. nn increase of $5,600,000. In thi
three years 1903. 1904 and 1905, thi
United States bought $142,000.00<
worth of goods from Japan and puli
the bill with $97,000,000 worth o
American goods and $45,000,000 o:
American gold
Mott Cultured of Romanoffs.
Grand Duke Constantine of Russ!
is said to be the most cultured Komai
off now living. He has translated i
great deal of Shakespeare into h<s ns
tive tongue and in amateur theatrical?
has appeared as Hamlet. Ills sever
children are all being brought up tl.or
otighly to understand English litera
ture.
A JsdkisM laqslry.
A well known traveling man who vis
its the drug trade says he has often
heard druggists inquire of customers
who . asked for a cough medicine,
whether it was wanted for a child or
for an adult, and if for a child they al
most invariably recommend Chamber
lain’s Cough Remedy. The reason for
this is that they know there is no dan
ger from it and that it always cures.
There is not the least danger in giving
it, and for coughs, colds and croup it is
unsurpassed. For sale by People’s
Pharmacy.
And H, Old.
They had not gone far from shore j
when the canoe upset and the young
man and the merry maiden found
themselves standing neck deep in i
water.
“Just what 1 was hoping for,” sal:l ;
the young man. contentedly.
"Hoping for?” queried she, lurilg
mantly.
"Yes.” replied he. ”1 heard you !
were at this summer resort an I I
came way down here on the sole hop? j
of falling In with you " —Houston •
Post.
Steamers for Lake Titicaca.
A second steamer Is about to be
j placed upon l.ake Titicaca, which Is
12.000 feet above sea level in the
Andes of Peru. The flr<t
which was built In England, was s< nt
> out peaceineal. and Is now
constructed upon the shores of the
lake.
Rumors and Roomers.
| ”1 just heard of a fellow who took a
; room up nt that big hotel.” said the
first summer man. ”and when he got a
| chance stole a lot of money from tho
| other inmates.”
'•Yes?” said Jokeley; “another cose
! of a bad roomer gaining currency.”
I For SicK Livers 1
R A M
\ QUICKLY CORES ALL LIVeVcOMPL AINTb! M
m A GUARANTEED CURB for all diseases produced by
M TORPID LIVER and IMPURE BLOOD. One bottle pur- M
chased today may save you a sick spell tomorrow.
% CUBED OP CHILLS AND PEVEB AFTER W
■ ALL THEM -MEDICINES FAILED U
■ Mrs.' W. A. Whltewell, Emory, Tex.. ■
■ write*: “My child had chills end fever M
m for four years. We tried ail kinds of M
IS medicines, and finally an acquaintance of m
K mine recommended Merbine. We used W
■ . three bottles, and the child is now com- ■
■ rdetety cured. You have my permission
B to publish this testimonial, as I cheer- B
■ fully recommend HerMna to all mothers B
■ having children afflicted as mine.’’ ■
UIOE BOTTLE, Me BET TUB OENUIHE
MLURD SNOW LINIMENT 00.
■ ST. LOUIS, y. S. A. W
American Beauty
CORSETS
“Dainty •• thn R »*•"
woman
f looks Lcr best
in an Ameri
can Beauty
Corret Tkyr
\ Ev.ry pair
\ b.-.« our liberal
guarantee.
Money re
iundul after
four wee La
trial if Coraet
ii> ro* aatiatac-
Kalamazoo Corset Co.,
Dele Mshtfs
Kalamazoo, • Mich.
Far Safe aad Racoaa*~ted ov
The Golden Rule Store
♦ ♦
l Frank Garrison ♦
* Gun and Bicycle ♦
* Repairing. J
* ♦
•> Cast Iron Brazing and ♦
> ♦
o Rubber Stamps made to ♦
o to order. Also do all ♦
+ ♦
o kinds of novelty work, o
♦ ♦
nr a trail la My llaeO
♦ *
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KUKZ & M’UKKW,
Proprietor* of the
BETA MARKET.
me Cheapest Market in the City
IIKAIKUH IN
. FRESH
I A.«*»
| SALT
1 MEATS
and ICE.
Goods del ire red free to alt par'i nf the t’ltjr
Clin* iia a Kiel IIKI.TA. t <>l.o.
LOOK
he pays the freight
4 FULL QUARTS or
a Dii star Witty
■1 53. 20
EXPRESS PREPAID
■< > f , |)oiilil«' H»ar Wliinkfy i« a tiin> Fun*.
''/ rv 7*Ywir OKI Wlil«kf>. Imnil miwle In
——our Kentucky tilMlllery, I'ure. nml
——J !*w*»t. Kvi*i\ wln»kov liousr h<lls
tliißgrtvlo for df.. r 4> ntid a trillion.
\ll ginnln nlilp|n<«l In .|ilnlll Ima« w ith
no nitirka lo indicate content».
If yon don't Mini it all right *liip it Imck at onr
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Kcinit tiy I* O nion* > order, fxiirmt m hunk
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RON I I OAK CONBUMCM'WH itSALC
uuim. luuh, and mail order House.
Corner loth and Blake 8U . Denver. Colo.