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Another Good Ulan Gone Wrong.
Editor Mirror Another Richmond in the held; another candidate for journalistic fame has made his debut. It is evident that he is no nov ice, and has had some professional training, as he appears in a double role —a sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde business. His opening piece is of the melodramatic order, and is entitled, “The Proper Way to lie form.” Dramatis persona*, the Hero, and Cruel Turnkey—Hero speaks his little piece in a true and pathetic manner and states how in his opinion a genuine reform may be ef fected. He doesn’t wish it to appear in type. Oh, no! perish the thought; don’t blazon it to the world, but somehow or oth er along comes the übiquitous reporter and “scoops” the whole business. Cruel Turn key coniines himself exclusively to the bus iness for which he is paid, viz.: snapping of locks. Curtain —Intermission. The next thing on the program is a roaring farce entitled, “Born at Stillwater.” The characters in the after piece are, the Hero. Officious Po liceman, an “Oldest Inhabitant,” and a “Deserted Waif” born with whiskers. The versatility of the hero is here shown in a remarkable manner by the marvelous facil ity with which he makes his transition from the sublime to the ridiculous. Hear him— he say: “Have just finished reading Tiie Mikkok containing usual grist of penitent, epistles ami promises of future reforma tion.” It seems to him that it comes a lit tle late this reform —“when 1 get out,” etc. “Why,” he says. “I reformed when the policeman arrested me.” How very prema ture. He didn’t have the slightest idea what he was arrested for; but he reformed “just the same —a great big wholesome re form with whiskers.” How very sarcastic! Now Shakespeare (beg pardon Mr. Donnel ly,) Bacon lias Richard the Third born with teeth, but here is an “infant phenom enon” ushered into existence with a full grown beard. He again tells us that he re formed, and wants it on record, not in type, not tor the world; he can’t see what good it will do to have it appear in type—put it in the prison archives or anywhere else, so that it goes on record —but iw type?—never! But in spite of his earnest protests the “ir repressible reporter” gets in his work and the consequence is “another scoop.” Now, the freedom of the press is all well enough, but when it deliberately invades the domains of privacy, in defiance of re monstrance, there is, in my humble opinion, good ground for libel. He appears to have a vague dread of the waste-basket, and in timates that some of his previous produc tions have gone that way; verses on the spring probably, or an ode to the “beauti ful.” He sees no use of waiting until we get out to reform. Of course not. Now’s the day, and now’s the hour. He tells the boys they can nose around the galleries and pick up an “old reform or two.” They may be second-handed, but they are better than none at all, even if they have no hair on them. He says he has also “gone dry” like the rest of us. The “Old Inhabitant” now comes on for a brief spell and gives him a few pointers. “Old Inhabitant” informs him that there are men here who have re formed four times. (Exit Old Inhabitant.) Hero is astonished and exclaims: “Look at that! What a chance!” A brilliant idea now occurs to him and lie winds up as fol lows: “If 1 live to ‘sniff’ God’s free air again I’m going to box up a nice fat reform and label it ‘Prison Reform; born in Still water, and left a waif at the door.’ ” (Tab leau —Grand Finale; music, “Dead March from Saul.” Cruel parent to thus basely desert his own offspring who, although it may have been prematurely born, has been with him through all his trotibles and has grown fat and thrived. Don’t box it up and leave it on our front porch, foolish fellow! Take the monstrosity with you; “there’s millions in it,” as Mullberry Sellers no doubt would inform you. Why, Sackett A: Wiggins, or any other enterprising show men would go their “pile” on it. Now, our friend’s object in appearing in the after-piece seems to have been, to place reform in as ridiculous a light as possible. He has come and surveyed the field, and fails to find a genuine case of reformation. He is somewhat hasty in arriving at such a conclusion. Let him wait until he has be come “acclimated” and who can tell but what he himself may become a victim to a genu ine case of the disease. He has not got the first symptoms as yet, although in his pre lude or opening piece he has shown that he knows the “modus operandi” of its being acquired. Both time and space preclude the possi blity of my pursuing the subject any fur ther, so 1 will conclude by urging such of our brethern who have determined to “square” themselves to stick to it, regard less of the gibes, or sneers with which they may be confronted either in or out of pris on* Tammany. Kind looks, kind words, kind acts, and warm hand-shakes—these are secondary means of grace when men are in trouble, and are fighting their unseen battles.—Dr. John Hail. In yielding to one temptation, the way is open to so many. Nothing will serve us day by day but a humble trust in Him who is able to keep us from falling, and earnest striving to watch as well as pray.—Short Arrow. W.P.SAWYER HARDWARE, TINWARE, Stoves and Furnaces. SPECIALTY OK Fine Tools. 319 S. main Sl.,Stillwater, minn. HUEMEIER & DRAVER, DEALERS IN Groceries, Crockery AND PROVISIONS. Goods Delivered Free of Charge. 305 CHESTNUT ST., STILLWATER, MINN. HEADQUARTERS FOR OYSTERS! AT N. PAT WELL’S. BAZiAAB, NEW CLOAKS Children, Misses & Ladies And if you have anything in the CLOAK LINE to buy this Fall, you can’t afford to buy anywhere else, as our prices put all others in the shade. Respectfully, A. G. SCHGTTMER & CO., 223 South main St., Stillwater, minn., —DEALER IN— Drugs,Medicines & Chemicals PHtENIX Livery, Hack 190 Boulevard D, AND BOARDING STABLES, 213 & 215 Chestnut St., Stillwater, Minn. Double or single rigs, with or without drivers, at any hour, day or night. As good turnouts as can be found in the Northwest. LADIES’ We Have a Lot of FOR STILLWATER, MINN FRRD. SGOTT, M. E. CAPRON, —PROPRIETOR OF THE— £. L. HOSPES4(O., DEALER IN Heavy and Shelf HARDWARE, Mechanics’ Tools, Paints, Oils, Glass, Varnishes, Etc. STILLWATER, MINN. DON'T BUY OR ORDER SUIT OR OYERCOATI For the next Season, before Examining Our New Stock, the Largest and Best In the City, at LOWEST PRICES. A FULL LINE OF Hats, Caps —AND— Gentlemens’ Furnishing GOODS. Give us a call and see for yourselves. CONHAIM, Cireen Front One-Price Clothing House, 237 S. Main St., Stillwater, Minn. City Book Store. Blank Boohs —AND— OFFICE SUPPLIES Of All Kinds. Fine Correspondence STATIONERY A SPECIALTY. The Largest and Best Stock of WALL PAPER in the City. All Goods at the Very Lowest Prices. 8.. A. PHINHEY, Stillwater, minn. THON BROS., MERCHANT TAILORS, 237 N. Second Street, STILLWATER, - - MINNESOTA. J, O. HOLEN, E. W. DURANT, S. PHOENIX, J. 0. HOLEN & CO., WHOLESALE & RETAIL GROCERS, Grand Opera House Block, STILLWATER, MINN. WM. KENNEMAN STOVES, Tinware and Hardware, No. 202, N. Main St. STILLWATER, NEW YORK Dry Goods Emporium, 309 & 311 main St. (GRAND OPERA HOUSE ELOCK) STILLWATER, MINN? The Leading Store In The City. DRY GOODS & MILLINERY Carpets and Wall Paper, In Endless Variety, And At Lowest Prices, Our Stock of Ladies and Childiens Gar ments for the Winter Season of 1887 & 1888 will be the larg est ever shown in this City. We Solicit A Call of Inspec tion. RESPECTFULLY, Louis Albenberg & CO. Stillwater, Minn. NEW YORK CLOTHING EMPORIUM, (OPPOSITE GRAND OPERA HOUSE,) Stillwater, Largest Stock of MENS’, BOYS’ CHILDREN’S CLCTNING HATS, CAPS Furnishing Goods It. J. WHEELER, A. T. JENKS, OF ALL DESCRIPTION, Our Prices are the Lowest in the City All Goods Warranted as repre sented. Give us a call, and examine our immeuce Respectfully, —DEALER IN— Cor. Commercial. 310 main Street. AND In the City. AND IN ENDLESS VARIETY Stock. Louis Albenberg A Co. MINN. Minn.