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' M'KINLEY'S KINP5ESS.
JOKE ON THE BROKER. Horseplay BREVITIES OF FUN. A Tribute to Hu Late tniel troin seo- Honepuy ot oiKa.n:i aemDen ox a The first thine i Ue man leanii il "ulon w , , , , to dodge in interrogation point- In an article in the Cent in j on Brokers of the Milwaukee chamber Chicago Daily News. Some, leisei.ui i i.araciiTisiu's oi ui cuuuueiixaic iuciiiur:i pitn-ium Present .Me Kinky," Hon. John D. 1 jokers in .the city, says the Sentinel. Lor. Mamma '"What's the matter, Wil- j lie? Didn't you have a good time i i a, sccrttaty ol the navy, u,.s ot i ne pranw tnty piay on tne innocent ; . . Wi,ir- vawi s late chief uufailing kindliness, and gullible ones, the "gags they xn-i ....... Ymi ; p,mnsrh ia He was cor.-..:, rate toward every- vent and the horse play that is carried f atr ..y. buJt l ikW t iQ9 1 ia Record. odv maL all with whom he came in intact or had political or private re lation h:.j''ier and more at ctse. As e dri-w t'.ip n'n the irut or !or.g ! She country re-ad. he ntvir failed to 3fCfgni;.i a sn!u;aiion, inn if it wire anly the wistful face of soniir child or Ute kindly inn-rest of the wavside latere r. Ti.tri was co schoollicv or to ' 1 1 1 1 . i i ! ;ii'y fort utii- to lie laliiru t chamVr that from his hand the was wearing iu the 9 Ttiiit. ,1 did i- t flowi r w! Ljxl i f his C'Hit. How li. any tinits I have seen him break from an important task to re eive a call in in a vi.-itii g del. cation f tt;n-h-.rs or exeiiisiur.isis. and that, too, without the slightest impatience r expression of irritation, whie-h al most M.y other man would have ut- of them went to the 'phone of the ex tend in ivr.ftrrir.g the same favor. 1 change in plain view of 200 members It was in :hi spirit that he went : and cslle-d up Mr. Karger. Near by Hi"lg the ioph. of the south, iid iin'Tt thr.n anv otlur man relieves the tense strain ot tne brok-; irs lives and drives dull care away. The other day the joke was on, Juiiu- Kargir of Karger' Brothers. Saturday evening Mr. Karger went to the tin ater and after the performance stood on the strut coriur for sume time waiting for a car. None came' for ten minutes, owing to trouble on the line, aiid he start id to walk home. At Twelfth street and Grand avenue one overtook him and he got aboard. In one of the afternoon papersMon-' day was a violent attack on the street1 car company signed by Mr. Karger." He told at length of the trials and trib ulations he experienced Saturday. Just as soon as the brokers saw the open letter they knew he was their "fruit." So Tuesday afternoon one and ; Mr. Karger could have been seen at lias i bis 'phone. lph A Connector Teacher "Now, Ij told you yesterday t hat a 'conjunc tion' is something that connects. Johnnie, you may give me an exam ple of a conjunction." Johnnie "A couplin' pin, ma'am." Ohio State Journal. Ownership. "I'm nobody's fool. I'd have you know. Miss Xorthside," said young Mr. Fitzgoober. "In deed!"' replied MissNorthside;"that's odd! Everybody savs you belon? to i cj Miss Spiffing." Pittsburg Chronicle-1 Telegraph. A Difficulty Obviated. Mr. T. To taler "My dear, I do not think it is very appropriate for you to wear that wine-colored silk to the W. C. T. IT. convention." Mrs. T. Totaler "Oh, but it is watered silk, you know." Baltimore American. The manager of a factory employ ing girls gives each one who arrives on time to the minute a stick of chew- i once since the civil war to restore1 abong them the fraternal spirit. He acted in tit's no doubt fre ma wisepol-' try. but he fdsu acted in the genuine spirit "f hi- giiurous nature. . , In the long railroad journeys which 1 I nu'.'ie with him over the country his laich-s'rir.g was always out. If his . fellow courtryihi ij cuu'..l i:ot con.ein, he went out to them, fearless. frank, confiding. "Who would attack lue'r' , he would say. "1 l avi n't nr. e re my in ', the world." He had a fine scr.se of humor, ne ' remembered incidents and narrated them with effect. Twice a week, on cabinet days, it was a delightful thing; io go into the cabinet room at 11 t'clock in the forenoon. The pres ident would be standing near the win do, looking f.-v.-h, with a white waistcoat and a rose in his buttonhole. Afe w people left over from t lie morn ing callers would be lingering for a word, each getting a pleasant one. In due time the cabinet would be left with the president. He would take iis seat at the table, but before set tling down to business was more than likely to entertain us for 10 or 15 min Jes with some story of the war, or ome anecdote about public men, or ionie experience of his old campaign ing davs. "Is this Mr. cose broker. "Yes. it is," replied the aggrieved one.' "I am John L. Bcggs," said the broker. "I saw your open letter in the paper and I want io know about that atfair. I tell you. between man and man. the street car company can't 1, FLATS IN PARIS. Karger?" said the jo- ?xmi- e Ja' it costs him very little and that he finds the girls talk less while chewing gum and that it improves their teeth. Indianapolis News. Pure Accident. Flanagan "Iliv ins! man, phwat's thematther wid yer face?" Hanagan "Faith, 'twas an accident. Th' ould woman throwed let a promine nt man likeyou sutler in- a plate at me." Flanagan "An d'ye convenience. I would like to know all call that an accident?" Hanagan the facts." "Av coorse! Didn't she hit phwat In the meantime 200 or 300 brokers she aimed at?" Philadelphia Press, listened and "laughed inwardly." ' "My dear," said the meek Mr. New- At the other end of the line Mr. liwed, "I don't like to complain, but Karger said some very plain truths to this omelet you made" "What's the supposed Mr. Beggs. He told him the matter with it?" she inquired, of the shortcomings of the line. "It "Well er it's rather hard to cut it, was ten minutes I had to wait on Sat- and " "Gracious! I was afraid that urday night," said he. "I had been to man would send nie tough eggs. Yl the theater and I" J stop dealing with him." Glasgow "I cannot tell you how sorry we Evening Times. are, was the reply. "I am sure that Tie Modern Luxuries Just Beginning to t . Be Installed. .- In the ctw flats being erected all rer Paris, says the London Mail, one Botes the tribute to luxury in the well nrstalled bathrooms, the electric light ing, steam heating and other modern improvements which ten years ago -ven the rich French people 'dis nsed w ith. t The average "flat" in those days as not even provided with gas; for jtlT heat there were open fireplaces, me times tilled in bv the stifling sal- amandcr. while the bathroom did not icren exist, even in so small a fashion a. a place to put a tub. English peo ple resident in I'aris were driven to the expedi.nt of placing their "tubs" ax their wardrobes, or the "black clos et" "cabinet noir which is usual ly found in old and new apartments, why or for what purpose no one 'blows, and forced into taking their :morning tub by lamplight, if not in the total darkness of the "cabinet ?noir." To-day all this is changed. 'In the new flats one is no longer wbliged to pant up four or five flights t stairs the charming people seem o prefer the top floors comfortable levators convey one, if not rapidly at least safely, to one's destination. The tats are well heated, admirably light ed with electricity, and the bath rooms in as well appointed as one could de lire. Luxury has even invaded the ""itchens. The walls are varnished th enamel paint, the floors well 'Jed. the whole better lighted and ired, and a gas cooking stove, small nt convenient, universally found, as tell as thi modern range. Foreign Colonies in Washington. The oflicial residence of an ambaS' wdor or minister accredited to Wash ington is foreign territory, technical St, 7 rented: but actually, if owned I; its government. Our laws have Bo hold upon diplomats or their at wiics iiriiiucu nere. llieir abodes enjoy immunity from our legal proc ctsc.-. Seven foreign countries own their i missies or legations in Wash ington. The land upon'whieh they it ; l.iVi.r !". Xeiiipt from taxation. iii'diis ti ...i.,, .ti.urnal. when the directors of the company hear of the sad affair an investigation will be made. In the meantime we shall esteem it a great favor if you will accept from the street car company free transportation for the remainder of the year. Of course there must be no more letters to the paper? written. Please call or send for the transporta tion to-day." The suwiosed Mr. Beffsrs rancr off r- cz - r- i and Mr. Kargerstalked from his office to the floor of the chamber like a pouter pigeon, and the fierce yell of joy and delight that gree ted him still rings in his ears. He w as enlightened forthwith. Mr. Karger is still doing the inev itable "honors" which follow such ex periences. WANTED OZONE. Brought a Quart bottle and a Nickel for the Same. A woman rushed into a Harlem drugstore the other day. In one hand she carried an empty epiart bottle and in the other she tightly grasped a five cent piece. "Let me have five cents' worth of ozone at once," she said to the drug gist. What did you say. madam?" the druggist asked. "Some ozone." "Why, madam, there's ozone in vour bottle now." "Sir, I do not want to be insulted," replied the young w oman, indignant ly. "I know what the dector told me to get, and if you don't keep it let me know. Have you eot any ozone or not?" "Well',' said the druggist very de liberately, "'ozone is an element in the air we breathe, and unless the air in your bottle has become contam inated it has about as high a percent age of it as any I have in the store. I would suggest that possibly your physician meant that yon should get some benzoin." "Oh. yes," hastily replied the wom an, tnat s it. 1 knew it was some thing like ozone." She took the five cents' worth of benzoin, which was almost lost sight of of on account of the ozone which still remaine d in the quart bottle. N. Y. Times. Blenheim Palace. TWO EFFECTS OF CROWDS. "i L WW H ii. . . v! ;v.r ..v,... "'- t I! ... - - -'-i L in o ..... -L Jewel Stoves and Ranges Keep thi Continent Gomfcriabla fnmoDj for lrilny-flryer. Tim million In ue mi Tuff in point ot fiiictf ivy. lunbtiiir ftixl ftiiru- tn any MuYfor rauttf mnlt 'il evilly Hi'Tt tltul 'lriitill. rally ruttiati 11m ImU urul fie 1 13 uurr fclwoluie ron tiol. It mw imwf evfry tliy f v porfrt t n-ni-httrtlGii. I leM coal r.Tf mott Itwit. Sold ty Lttiing dealer Y2iyirbr. WINKLER V COMPAQ furnitue! 0 B I. Gillen, Lexington, Mo. or The International Cyclopaedia. REVISED EDITION. 16 Volumes. q;.oocj Titles. 25.000 Cross References. 150 Double Pae Plates, 150 Double Page Maps From Latest Surveys. DOOD. MEAD & COMPANY. Publishers. NEW YORK I SUBSCRIPTION, I CHCAQ0 Moving Life of a Big City Both Exhil aratei and Depresses. "What I like about New York," remarked a westerner, to a New York Times writer, "is its tremendous en ergy. The crowds and hustle have upon me the exhilarating effect of a stimulant. As I move along among the masses on the sidewalks, and look upon the perpetual stream of vehicles of all descriptions in the streets, I am! conscious of a buoyancy of spirit and an increased physical energy. "1 feel like going all the time, my mind is brighter and clearer, and, in fact, my whole being seems toned up. New York and its crowds are more beneficial to me than any resort I have ever struck. After a two weeks' stay here, I return home feeling like an other man." "Well, that is strange," said the .person to whom this statement was made. "Do you know, New York has upon me just exactly the opposite effect. Tome, what Imishtt surplusage of life here is depressing". I am by no means fond of solitude. I have lived in a moderate sized city all my life, and it bores me to stay in the country for any great length of time, but when I come to New York and am caught in the tides of humanity, see the overcrowded tenements, and have my ears assaulted with the perpetual din of the streets, I become positively melancholy. "I. feel what an insignificant atom I am, after all no more than a drop of water in a great river and the feeling oppresses me. It seems so like there was nobody here who cared what became of anybody. The only reliet l hncl from the feeling is in the theaters. I go to a show every night while I am here, and, of course, I en joy that immensely. But as soon as I have made the rounds of the shows 1 I am ready to return home, where I know most everybody and there are many who care." Australia's Sheep King. Heating Stoves, Steele Ranges, Cook Stoves, Cheapest and Best at Tel. 105 Lexington, Mo. I. G. IIS, Bookse er and Mom, 1105 MQin SI. LEXINGTON. MO. HEADQUARTEkR IOR School Books, and Supplies, Picture Mouldings, Artists Supplies and Needed in Every Home .... Nothing is productive of more happinens ia the tamily than a good Sewing Machine and THE SINGER is the best machine on earth It is always in order and can be (It-prneled on to oo every kind ot work. It voh are interested write or cnd word to L. W. BR ELS FORD, Local Agent. Lexington Mo. CITRON & TAUBMAN, LRXINOTON, MO. BSTRACYS OF TITLE, IKAL ESTATE INSURANCE, HUN BY TO LOAN Have tbe on I) complete tet uf Abalratt If hoi i rd of Till to the Lmi1 (if Lalavnlta OFFICE in UMKll BUILDING rafiiof, I'laciLg Scroll ffailinkonnn. Stair Banisters, NWep; Walnut Coffins, &c. Metallic and Wooden p.-., - Always on hand. They respectfully ask ti,e ,,.. ne artu:li ol thuir inanu),. , " .i..,i . ,. luomntiu ui scu as cne an .... can be bought. Winkler Furniture INSURANCE rs rarm property insured cupied by tenant or kisks written m rny to t i r 'it county, win co"i and i personal inspection, and rate upon application INSUPE ANYTHING. Wrh all on him at .exington. offi; II. W. s REAL ESTAT1 ior sale in Lexington. Fi lor sale. Houses to rer,:j you have any real estii ell place it in his hanc-j cost it no sale, urn:' Lexington. II. IV. HI! TAP ISflff Abstracter, Loan -AND- Insurance Agei arm aod City Property formH MONEY TO LOAN. vVlll loan money on Improved''11 at 6 and 6i percent luttmt Office front room over Tev: store, Lexiwrton, M. B!i nhe im iiiuce was built by the British nation for the great duke of Marlborough, at a eo.-t of 1500,1)00, in tin: elavs of Queen Anne. In the grounds' are a triumphal areli and a column I'M feet hili. with a statue of Marlborough on the top. The magnificent park siirrouinlin the palace comprises 2.700 mif. nod lias a circuit of 12 miles. m.un n 1 li Me A. M rauui. Tl... . l l.:.. . t t . a ne; mr-i ji Miig oi Australia 18 .Samuel Jlctaugliey, an Irishman, who went to Australia in 18.1(i with practically i, ithing. He diel not aic ceed well at first, but started agaiu with a finall flock, and from year to year ha.- added to his holdings until now he has more sheep than any oth er oneman in the world. He has more acre of land than shecp.and his) possession, are in the best parts of , m ,lPWa,'(1' Australia. One of his furnis on the , ,IH (JooJ 0,,,,!r Club o( Lfxincton Darling Downs i :t(; .,iU, lonnand : L," V"' . TL' T .Tl" ,"r.lh'.1 vmj'iuiu ui mijr iiuifiu IU1UI WIMJ HIIUII Ik; caught a ii el turned over to tliN vuh lr Htuoling a homo or miilo belonging to any member ot thin club. 10-1'Jtt A OSCAT NEWSPAPER. The Sunday edition of the St. Louia Republic is a m.irvHl of-moelern news pappr entcrpriae. The orejaiiization of its nt-W8 servico is world-w ide, complete in every department: in fact, superior to that of any other newspaper. The marine suction is illustrated in daintily tinted colors and splendid half tone pictures. This section contains more Inh class literary matter than any of the monthly nunjazines. The fashions illustrated in natural colors are especially VHhmble to the ladies.. The colored comic section is a genuine laugh-maker. The funny car toons are by the best artists. The iliuuuMoua stories aro hiih chess, liv authors of national reputation. Shfft music, a high-class, popular aonir. is furnished free every Sunday lr The ltepuulic. The price of the Sunday Hepublic t mail one year is $2.00. For sale by all news dealers. 10 miles wide. Altogether he owns more than l.Ofio.nco i.m-i . nml lcac ttboUt 1,000,01,1) . ; . Law latc HxcursiMl all Summer via THE BURLINGTON ROU t...i.. .i. .imnumn)f'll,f JllIIIlK lire iiimii's . ., . .. II I...VH III Wi million nouie win j oiii-u inu'uur uvi' im I'll J """"" v" ulS 1 lie limn-, j ever been made. i - . .... iinitiiillD. HieSO IttlBB, UCi"-"" , , i j varied that the public buM f uearest ticket agent lru do us the favor to write criptive matter, etc, Cheap Summer Tours WeM Colorado, Utah ami lili,cR ' ' Homeseekers' excursions t weeks to the whole ' wes- ..... Vurf-VHl Cheap Excursions round trip rates to r aitinn th Seji-Sliore ada. Mlcbigan Lakes. t I ....ti.rti If'KOll Mack;'-;' lesoiti: B':c W Not a MsiHeiitiinr Vote. A pertuot liiuitet Tlil In tb unan Imnun verdict of tho penpl who une Dr. Cdldwetl'a Byruo l'eniln. Rfl., ..H nn lr.e. rail trips east, via !.... I.,. ..1 .trill' Cheap Excurs ons - 1K) i to St. 1'aul. MiiineaP 0l Superior resorts; tl.ecoel'81 country. Ask for the lbirlii.gt',9 curHlon mte circulars. ,iu California BciirHi r; fiou ducte.1 every Wi-dm'-J B Louis, every Thurselay City nnd 8t. Joseph. . j , Write ut Mr rt Kp. ter describing the pi'l ( J1 It. H.CllOZlKIt, I" ",.,lis,n.' T. 1. A Sil Mttlll W. "'" ,.,11 KHIIIMlnC'ltf, Mo. iiowAHi) KM.y3i. Oonoriil MtumKer.!! Hold by Leroy Parmer. U-2ml