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The times and democrat. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, December 20, 1883, Image 1

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Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86063756/1883-12-20/ed-1/seq-1/

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XL SiisHB.
Edztoss and PBOPsnrross.
Six months.?.,.
First insertion, per square..%L \*
Subsequent ins??*"?!., 5C
Notices of meetings, obituaries and trib
utes of respect, same rates per square as or
dinary advertisements.
Special contracts made with large adver
tisers, with liberal deductions on above
Special notices in local column, fifteen
cents per Una.
SomaMraee I am tempted t? inurmur
That life fa flitting away,
.With only a round of trif es
FfjHng each busy day;
Dusting nooks and corners,
Mating the house look fair,
And patiently taking: upon me
The burden ?f a woman's e&re.
Comforting childish sorrows,
And charming the chfldish heart
With the pimple song and story,
5Wd with a mother's art;
Setting the dear home table,
And clearinsr the meal away,
And going on little errands
In th* twilight of the day.
One day is just like mother 1 - .
Sawing and piecing wall
little jackets and trowsers
So neatly that none can tell
Where are the seams and joinings?
Ah! tho seamy side of life
Ia kept out of sight by the magic
Of many a mother and wife!
ml am ready to murmur
; life is flitting away,
With the self-same round of duties
FflUng each busy da-y,
It comer, to my spirit sweetly,
With the grace of a thought divir~:
"Yotx aro living, to?intr for love's saka
And the loving should never repina"
Itr/as was an extraordinary engage
ment?in fact, incomprehensible. Just
imagine, Belle Remesa (her name was
Isabel,- but Izzie has not a pretty sound),
the charming hazel-eyed, golden-haired
fairy, was engaged to be married to Doc
tor Bander.
- But this fact alone was neither incom
prehensible nor extraordinary, for he was
as wealthy as she; he was as handsome
and learned a man as she was a pre6ty
and refined woman; no, the rare feature
in. the case was, that the relatives of
both high contracting parties were not
' only satisfied, but eminently pleased with
the match.
Imagine, fair reader?and unfair one,
too?what would you think if your
mother-in-law were openly, in your pres
ence and out of it, to express her un
qualified approval of the brilliant match
her child had made. What; if your sis
ter-in-law should agree with their
";Well, that was the astonishing fea
ture m Belle's and the Doctor's engage
They loved each other devotedly, of
course, but because there was no opposi
"?mon to the match they lost a great deal
oi^^miserable joys, or joy ous miseries,
of courtship. They felt as if they had
been married for years, because their
good-bye kisses were not stolen, but given
and received, as a matter of course, in
presence of all.
" The wedding was to take place Christ
mas eve, and grand preparations were
being made, for it was to oe the affair of
the season.
?One evening in October, the doctor,
after pulling his bride's younger sister's
ears to his heart's content, suggested a
late, oystor supper, &nd- f or-so mo reason
which ho would find difficult to explain,
sarried home an oyster shell from the
On the following morning he found it
in his pocket, and while resting from his
professional work, amused himself by
thoroughly scrubbing it. "But few of us
know now beautiful an oyster shell is,"
said he.
I "As beautiful as Belle?" asked his
friend and former classmate, Doctor
Collins, who, while lying on Bander's
operating chair read the latest medical
"No," said doctor Bander, while he
continued to admire the shell.
"Nor as eloquent?" again said his
friend, in a teasing tone.
"Which?" asked Dr. Bander, ambigu
Collins continued his reading, as Bander
mechanically polished the shell. Sud
denly an idea presented itself to him
which seemed amusing, for he smiled as
he glued a ribbon to the back of the
ehell, and upon its face he painted the
word "Snooper."" He ornamented its
edge with a narrow rim of gold and thee
hung it on the wall of his office, among
the paintings and articles of bric-a-brac,
most of which he had collected on his
When he had finished his little orna
ment, his friend arose, looked at it, and
"Regy, what is a snooper?"
Dr. Bander, without changing a feature,
or manifesting the least annoyance in his
tone, answered:
"An apparatus designed to make
blamed fools ask questions."
For some reason both laughed, yet
neither would have been able to explain
their amusement, except, perhaps, by the
autithesis it presented to the usual ser
ious character of their employment.
The "snooper" was soon forgotten in
the discussion of a new operation which
a surgical celebrity was- just then intro
ducing, when Miss Belle entered with a
message from her mother, asking whether
Regy would have time to dine with her
that evening.
The doctor kissed his bride, whereupon
his friend, with a larcical gravity, felt
his pulse, and in a breath said:
Repetitur pro re nata, five dollars is
my fee." and affecting a pompout stride,
took his hat and overcoat and went
While Dr. Bander proceeded to write,
Miss Belle "set things aright," which as
a bride, was a pleasure to both, and
which, as a wife she might consider quite
a task and he an insufferable bore. Such
is the way with a majority of profes
sional men?they seem to enjoy disorder
in the workshop of their brains, and
their wives take particular pleasure in
depriving them of that enjoyment.
The elegant little dust-broom which
Belle had given her future husband was
whisking off the particles which had
settled upon his books and ornaments as
ehe talked to him.
Suddenly she stopped, touched the
oyster-shell upon the wall, and read the
word " Snooper."
M Reg}-, what is a snooper ! she in
"A'snooper,' dear," he answered,
" is aa apparatus designed to make fools
ask questions."
She did not laugh, but quietly laying
down the duster, before he could under
stand her actions, she had left his office,
and'a moment later he heard the street
door open.
"Belle, dear," he exclaimed, but his
voice was full of misgiving. The door
closed, and Dr. Bander understood that
something had disturbed the pleasant
engagement. His efforts to continue
writing proved futile. Belle's silent exit
spoke volumes to him. Ho could not
convince himself that the matter would
blow over as soon as he might wish.
The entrance of patients, for awhile
gave his thoughts other direction, but his
office hours were hardly over when he de
termined to call on his bride and either
laugh away the affair, or if he should fail
in this?much as he disliked the idea, he
would apologize.
He was adjusting his gloves when his
eye fell upon the "snooper," and?women
would say?manlike he tore it from the
wall, and opening a window he threw it
out, and was sorry that it did lot break
en the pavement below.
Col M tflc
f 'Slowly lie entered Mb cab, and waa
about to order the coachman to drive to
Remesa's house, when a messenger handed
him a package. He opened it and found
all his presents to his bride, even to her
engagement ring.
He did not observe the messenger pick
up something from the street, and smile
as he carried off the "snooper" with him;
but returned to his room and gathered
the pretty little ornaments bis bride had
given Mm, made a pack of them and sent
them to her without a word.
The two apparently most gay people
at all the balls and parties during: the
entire winter were Miss Remesa and Dr.
Bander, yet they avoided each other as
skilfully as they did the questions of
their relatives and friends. Soon all
ceased to speak of the engagement, and
by spring it was only rememcered that at
one time they had been promised to each
other. *
Again Christmas approached, and Dr.
Bander had not eaten an oyster in that
He worked harder than ever at pro
fessional matters, and was appointed sur
. geon to the City hospital.
A fair was to be given for the benefit
ofjthe institution, and, of course, he must
Bander went and was victimized at
grab-bags, raffles, votes for the prettiest
lady, the most popular physician at the
"museum of living curiosities," wMch
contained a mouse in a cage, a canary
wMch drew water, and similar marvels.
The fine art gallery consisted of "Bony
part crossing the nnd"?a skeleton of a
cMcken mounted on orange-peelings,
and "Egyptian Darkness"?a sort of a
sentry box, wMck kept the be
holder peering in and seeing nothing.
As his purse grew light, thoughts of
going home presented themselves to him,
when he noticed a large n imber of peo
ple in one corner of the hall, who seemed
to struggle toward the center and leave
it with a small package, which each one
opened when alone and laughed over its
He approached the crowd without be
ing able to elicit the cause of the commo
tion, was pressed to a pagoda, within
wMch stood Belle, who, with perhaps
ever so slight a tremor in her voice, said :
"Good evening, Doctor Bander! How
many will you take? Only twenty-five
cents each."
- He handed her a doll er, and she quickly
returned him four little jeweler's boxes,
upon wMch was printed: "To be opened
when alone." The surging crowd pushed
him 6ff, and as soon as he was free he
opened one of the boxes and drew forth
a circular, which read as follows:
Directions: Hang the snooper by its ribbon
in a conspicuous place in your office or par
lor, and all who see it will ask: "What is a
snooperf Then yon must auftwer: "A
snooper is an apparatus to make fools ask
questions." This inevitablv produces the best
of feeling among all concerned.
Note: If your snooper should break, you
will have lost the sum invested.
P. S. No discount to the trade.
P. P. S.?Call again.
Beneath this circular upon "some fine
cotton rested the oyster-shell, polished,
cleaned and painted as the one he had
hung in Ms office on the last day that
Belle had been there. The hot blood
rushed to Ms face, and the first impulse
was to throw the boxes upon the floor
and leave the hall; yet a moment's con
sideration convinced Mm that he could
take advantage of this opportunity to
speak to Belle.
He attached the shell to Ms button
hole, like a boquet or decoration, and
returned to the pagoda.
"Miss Remesa, is it allowable to wear
a snooper in this manner?"
She betrayed not the slighest emotion
aa she took a tiny golden shell from her
bosom, upon which the letters R and B
were entwined and deftly fastened it to
Ms scarf, said: "No, Regy."
Some say that he grasped her hand and
pressed it to his lips before he would
release it, but that cannot be proven.
An hour later they entered the sitting
room of the Remesa mansion. Belle's
parents started as if frightened when
they saw them. After some moments'
conversation, Mr. Ramesa said: "Now,
Reginald, will you kindly tell us
the cause of your incomprehensible
separation from Belle?"
The doctor answered, much in the
manner of a schoolboy confessing a
peccadillo: "A snooper." Mrs. Remesa
turned to Belle and said: "Perhaps you
will explain what divorced you for a
whole year previous to your marriage?"
Belle blushed, looked at the doctor,
at her parents, and as she cast a glance
at the floor seemed to find an answer
there, for she quickly said: "A snooper,"
and seemed glad that she had given ex
pression to her pentup thoughts.
"A snooper 1?why, what under heaven
is a snooper?" both asked. Before they
could answer, in rushed Belle's yonnger
brother, and, boy-like, roared "just think I
ma and pa, Belle's made a fortune for
the hospital, selling oyster shells and
calling them?" he saw the doctor.
"Why, hello?Reg?what in the world
brought you back?"
The doctor smiled now as he said; "A
The young brother-in-law grasped his
hand and yelled, hurrah for the
Mr. Remesa arose, and with all the
dignity of a well-reputed wealthy mer
chant said:
"Have you all gone mad? Charles,
will you have the kindness to inform' me
immediately what a snooper is?"
Imagine the consternation Charles'
answer produced:
"According to directions a 'snooper
is an apparatus designed to make fools
ask questions.'"
The old gentleman glared at his son,
then at the rest of the family. Silently
he left the room. He went to the club,
and at the verv entrance met another of
"the old boys."
"Howdy, Remessa?look at this shell.
You're a connoisseur in bivalves?what
do you think of this?"
The old gentleman saw the fatal word
" snooper" painted upon an oyster shell,
and was about to say something severe
to his interrogator, when Doctor Codine
approached with a polite salutation.
"Doctor, I am "lad to see you," said
Mr. Remesa, " and I should like to talk
to you for a few moments." Visions of
a consultation Irom the ric h Mr. Remesa
crosted the doctor's mind as they went
to the smoking-room. These visions,
were, however, rapidly dispelled, and
the old gentleman and the young doctor,
after an nour's conversation, parted, both
apparently in high glee.
It was near midnight when Dr. Ban
der returned to Ms office, and there
found Codine, who greeted Mm with:
"Bander, do you know what you
are ?"
"A very ordinarymortal in your eyes,
I presume."
"No, you are a snooper," and for some
reason they embraced, not like Spaniards,
but really hugged each other. Codine
found his breath first, and said:
"Bander, when is it to be ?"
"Christmas. And you will be my
best man. Belle told me to ask you."
And Christmas it was. It seems that
somehow tho cause of the separation had
become public, for the majority of the
presents were elegant imitations in gold
and Oliver of the snooper.
>ver Jan 1, '83
I Reader, make a snooper and show ft
to your sister-in-law. When she asks
the question, answer according to direc
tions, and then it wonld be well to re
member that you hare an urgent appoint
ment some miles off.
But after all, is there such a word as
Convince yourself by looking; on page
one thousand two hundred and fifty-one
of "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, and
if you don't find it I'm sorry for you, and
for "Webster also.?F. 0. Valentine, in
Swintorta Story Teller.
11 "What's them things, mister?" asked
a man of a Fulton market fruit dealer,
pointing to a peculiar looking fruit about
two inches in diameter, of a terra-cotta
color, closely resembling an apple in
shape and having a needle-like point at
one end and something like an acorn cup
at the other. There was a malicious
twinkle in tha dealer's eye as he said:
"Why, these are the celebrated Ten
nessee persimmons! Haven't you ever
tasted them? Try one."
It was not mellow, but it looked tempt
ing, and the man's teeth met beyond a
piece the size of a silver dollar. The
one piece satisfied him, evidently, for
all the astringent qualities of
a green persimmon began to
take immediate effect upon his tongue,
his teeth and his lips. His mouth was
i growing smaller by degrees, he could
not !dugh with grace, he could not be
angry, he could not articulate ; yet all
the time he had the mortification of see
ing the dealer and his neighbors well
nigh convulsed with laughter. "With a
smothered oath he went away.
" These pereimmona," said the dealer,
" came from a fanner near Nashville,
Tennessee, who makes a specialty of
growing them. He finds it a profitable
usincss and has brought the heretofore
almost worthless fruit to a high state of
perfection. These specimens are green,
of course, and were sent to me for com
parison with the Japaneso persimmon.
I find them larger, but cannot judge of
their flavor till they are ripe, which they
are not till bitten by the frost. Frost
mellows them and removes all their
astringency, makes them as sweet as
sugar and of a delicious flavor.
"The persimmon, indigenous to the
South, grows upon small trees seldom ex
ceeding fifty feet in height, and in a wild
state the fruit is small and unattractive,
though extremely sweet after frost.
Children are fond of the persimmon, but
they are most popular with the 'possum,
who walks forth nightly to regale himself
and become a victim of the boys and dogs
who know just where to fiud him. A
persimmon tree is a 'possum's Delmonico.
Some peoole have experimented with per
simmons in various ways, and I have
known them to be dried and pressed, in
which condition they eat as well a3 the
dates of Arabia. The farmer from whom
these came has realized as much as $10 a
bushel for his cultivated variety, and, I
understand, he has developed a goodly
portion of his land to a persimmon or
chard with the intention of showing the
American people just what can be done
with a product which grows in every old
field in the Southern and Central States,
and has heretofore, been looked uppa as.v
little less than a nuisance.?iroTo York
Petrified Pumpkins.
The California papers *-r? telling n
story about petrified pumpkins in Men
docino county. The report is that a
farmer, some years ago, had a lot of
Sumpkins washed away by a freshet
own a ravjne, and for a number of
years the pumpkins were observed where
the water had lodged them, but no one
had ever thought they had turned to
stone, until the other day a man at
tempted to pick one of them up, when
he discovered that it was very heavy and
had turned to stone. About fifty more
were in the same condition. The story
may be true, but it offers no special in
ducement for agriculturists to raise pav
ing stones on pumpkin vines. Some pump
kins are of no special good, except to
sling at cats, but as the supply is too
small to be used with advantage, they
will not be used. If California will find
a process for making pies cut of her
petrified pumpkins, the boarding-house
keepers of the country will rise up and
call her blessed.?Boston Globe.
? Fact and Fiction.
A Cincinnati editor, sat down and
wrote: " For some time professed hu
morous writers fo- the newspapers have
endeavored to b- ip an agreeable and
proStable reputai.o.i for themselves at
the e?.pense of the good name of Ameri
can boys. Each little eccentricity and
frailty has been enlarged upon, each bad
trait has been exaggerated and all the
good ones ignored, and no occasion has
been spared to attack the reputation of
our boys for the sake of constructing a
remarkable story or turning a joke to at
tract the attention of newspaper readers.
This sort of sensationalism is not only to
be deeply deplored, but to be severely
censured, and so far as opportunity offers
to be sharply chastised, for we cannot
afford to permit our boy3 to be vilified."
And just then his dog came in with his
tail shaved and the rest of him tarred
and feathered, and he didn't v finish the
editorial, but wrote another on the need
of more reform schools and more vigilant
police.?JJoston Post.
The New Mormon Temple.
The main walls of the new temple of
the Mormons in Salt Lake have been
completed. The first stone was laid
twenty-eight years ago. The material is
granite, like Maine granite, full of shi
ning mica flecks, and is hauled from the
mountains back of Salt Lake with oxen
on enormous wagons, with wheels twelve
feet high. Tae walls are exceedingly
thick?ten feet?and the height eighty
five feet. The cost to date, paid by tith
ings, has been $4.500,000, and six more
years of work will be required to com
plete the structure. It has come to stay,
whether Mormonism has or not, and it
has been predicted that some day the
State of Utah, redeemed and purged of
polygamy, will own it and use it for a
Letting Him Down.
"Oh, Clara," he said, '-how I have
longed for this happy hour, when we two
should sup together alone! Haven't you
also longed, Clara?"
"Yes, very much."
"And why, darling, have you longed ?
Do you really think so much?"
"Oh, yes, Henry, I do think everything
"You do ?"
"Everything in the world of these?"
"These happy, blissful moments ?"
"No, these oysters. They are the first
I've had a chance to bite into for a year.'
The total number of newspapers and
magazines published in the United States
and Canada is 13,186, showing an in
crease over last year of 1,028. Total in
the United States, 12,179; Canadas,
1,007. Published as follows: Dailies,
1,227; tri-weeklies, 71; semi-weeklies,
151; weeklies, 9,955.
Archibald Forbes, the press correspond
ent, has been through seven wars and
taken part in 150 battles, but yet is not
satisfied. We see by the papers he is
going to get married.?PniiadeZphia
By the Sea>
"What are the wild waves saying,
"Let ns spray."
"Oh, pray, don't 1 That's too old."
"What do you think they're saying,
"You won't be angry if I tell you?"
"Why, certainly not, darling."
"I think they're wailing because their
white cap3 are not trimmed with fur just
like the cloak I expect to get for my
Christmas, dear."
Charlie walks home with his far-seeing
little wife and wonders why he ever mar
ried.?New York Journal.
Quite a. Different Man?
Materfamilias?"Who was that man
you were walking with this atternoon,
Edith?"That was Alfred Eastlake,
one of the most charming young gentle
men I ever met."
" And who is he, pray?"
" He is studying law."
" The law is overcrowded, and it may
be ten years before he can earn his
living. Besides, I don't like his looks.
He has ? red nose all full of carbuncles,
his clothes don't fit him, his linen is not
white by a good deal, and, in foot, I don't
believe he can walk straight half the
time. Please don't associate?"
"Ohl it is not Mr. Eastlake you are
describing. You must have seen me
with Lord Topnoddy, who came up just
as Mr. Eastlake left."
"Lord Topnoddy! Well, I declare;
a real live lord, and I never knew it.
Don't fail to ask him to call the very
first chance you get. I hope he isn't
married yet."?Philadelphia Call.
Children's Chatter.
Mother (to a five-year-old, who has sat
very still for five minutes)? "What are
you thinking of, Georgia?" Georgia?
"Oh! 'bout old times, I dess."
A wee one in this place who was be
ing trotted on her grandmother's knee
suddenly discovering the wrinkles on the
good dame's face, exclaimed: "Oh !
?gamma ! I see a lot o' 'ittle tucks on oo
An old gentleman, who had a wooden
leg terminating in a knob, called to see
a lady. The lady's little son, after look
ing at the wooden leg several minutes,
said to the old gentleman: "Monsieur,
have you put your cane in the leg of
your pantaloons?"?Philadelphia Call.
Little Eddie Bonner and Sammy Rose
yesterday saw a worm crawling on the
sidewalk in front ot the latter's home.
Sammy was going to mash it with a
stone, when Eddie said: "Don't mash
it, Sammy! If you do Dod might mash
you; fur I heard mother say we ain't more
than worms to Dod."?Kentucky Journal.
"Papa," said a Marathon boy, "do
goats give milk?" "Yes, Tommy."
"And a goat is a butter, isn't it?" "Yes,
my eon." "Well, then, isn't goat's milk
butter milk?"?Independent.
Brother Gardner on Transmigration.
"I understan'," began Brother Gard
-Nnerra<I'understan, dat sartinv pussoiis in
dis club am all broke up ober de^+heory
of transmigrashun. It has bin reported
to mc dat Samuel Shin am shakin' in his
butes fur fear dat he will be turned into
a dog and have to foller a brick wagon.
I lam dat Elder Toots am almos' sick
abed bekase he expects to be transformed
into an old white boss an' be used on a
delivery wagin, airly an' late. It am said
dat Whalebone Howker had u fit when
his wife ate two hull pics an' went to
bed an' dreamed dat it had died an' bin
transformed into a hyena. Eben Judge
Cadaver turns pale at de ideah of his
ever becomin' a giraffe an' havin' to hold
his bead too high to eber see- a lost cent
on dc sidewalk.
"Gem'Ien, dar' may be sunthin' in de
theory, bat I see no occasion fur worry.
If Samuel Shin am turned into a dog let
him conduct hisself in an honorable, gen
tlemanly manner an' he will not lack fur
; friends nor bones. None of you will
remember dat you once libed on airth as
meu an' were members of de Lime-Kiln
! club. If Slapjack Jackson am turned
into a coon it will come perfectly nateral
to have him take to a tree when he hears
a dog bark. If Sunset Parker leaves his
present shape to become an ox de yoke
will come perfeckly nateral to him, an'
he will submit to be pounded an' cussed
widout a thought of usin' his horns or
I hoofs. Dar' am no occashun to feel bad
in de daytime nor lose any sleep at night,
let us now purceed."
Wasn't a Liar.
"What is your name?" asked the United
States attorney of an old "squatter," who
I had been summoned before the court as
a witness.
"Which name, 'Squire?"
"Your right name, of course."
"I ain't got none."
"What, you don't mean to say that you
haven't got a name."
"Oh, no sir."
"This summons says that you name is
Ananias Peters. Is that so?"
"Reckin it is."
"Thought you didn't have a right
"I ain't."
"Look here, sir. Don't trifle with this
court. Your prevarication will not be
tolerated here. Why. did you say that
Ananias Peters was not your right name."
"'Case it wan't right to name a boy
Ananias, therefore it ain't a right name.
The Bible. I believe, sorter called Ana
nias a liar."
"Which," interposed the judge, "makes
it peculiarly applicable to your case."
"Look a-he re, jedge, I don't want to
progic with you, 'case you've got the
upper hand of me, but I don't want you
to hit me with the Bible. A man's in a
bad enough fix when yer fling the law at
him. but when yer iling the law an' the
gospel both, he ain't got no show.''
"Where uo you live?" asked the attor
"At home."'
"But where's your home?"
"In the neighborhood o' w)iar I live."
The judge turned away to conceal a
smile, and the attorney, giving the
"squatter" a look of extreme severity,
said: "Do you know where you are, sir?"
"Yes, sir: I'm here."
"You won't be here much longer, un
less you answer my questions."
"I'm answerin* your questions, 'squire.
Go on with your rat killinV
"Where were you when Mr. Jasen, the
defendant, cut timber from government
"When did he do the cuttin'?"
"That's what I want to find out. I
think it was sometime in October."
"Wal, some times in October I was in
one place an' sometimes in another."
"Did you ever see him cutting govern
ment timber?"
"I believe I did."
"Durin' the war when be was in the
"None of your foolishness now. Didn't
you come along the road one day in Oc
tober and talk to the defendant while he
was chopping down a tree?"
"No, sir."
"Remember that you arc under oath.
So you didn't sec him while he was chop
ping down a tree?" .
"Didn't say that, 'squire, for I dfd sec
him choppin' the tree."
"Did you stop and talk to himj"
"Yes, sir.". ;v i
"Thought you said yon didn't stop
and talk to him?" j
"Didn't say it.?3?
"You did."
"Didn't say it."
"What did vou say?"
"Said I didn't, talk to him while he
was choppin', furchen I come up an'
spoke, he quit choppin'. Ef thar's any
tliing else you wanter know, fire away." ,
?Arkantaw Traveler.
A confectioner Says that thirty per
cent, of the candy sold is white earth.
Somebody who has been counting says
that the article '.the/' is used about 16,
000 times in every'Copy of the London
A forest of treea ,.was recently found
under a bed of clay and twenty-three
feet of soil on Connecticut avenue, Wash
Roast elephant is a sacred dish in Ton
quin and Annam, as-are also bird's nest
pies, made of esculent swallows with a
plate of insects.
The imperial standard of England was
first hoisted on the tower of London and
on Bedford tower, Dublin, and also dis
played by the foot-g~"?irds on the union
of the kingdoms, January 1, 1801.
Commodore Bmnbridge and 315 of his
men were captured, by the Tripolitans in
1803, and remained Prisoners for about
nineteen months. His vessel struck on a
rock near the shore,, and his capture was
attended with no dishonor.
When Xanthus in Lycia was besieged
by the Romans under Brutus, 42 B. C,
the men set fire to the city, killed their
wives and children a^d then themselves.
The conqueror, wishing to spare them,
promised rewards to any soldier who
would bring him a living Xanthean, but
only 150 were saved.
Certain Swiss living in the Canton of
St. Gallen recently attempted to trans
form 160 francs, whiih they buried be
neath a headstone, into five millions by
the simple process of saying spells over
it and passing eight days without cloth
ing, repeating magic formula} all the
time. When the authorities discovered
them they were in a . Btato of great ex
citement, but full of faith.
Small note-paper was first sold by a ;
Brighton (England); stationer, who, j
wishing to arrange his stock in
pyramids, cut some cards very small
to point the pyramids. Ladies
mistook these cards for paper, and
asked for some of that small paper so
often that at last he iwas obliged to cut
some of the desired; size, and then, as
there was no space toiwrite the address,
he invented the envelope.
Among the Omaha Indians, a child
who had lost its father or mother is con
sidered an orphan, lfa particular place
is gone, and it passes into the "gens."
If it is the father who dies, the mother
loses all maternal rights. Each child,
unless of very tender age, will be separa
ted from the mother} and will go into
the family of some one of the father's
relatives. It may thereafter be claimgd..
as his own child by the male head-efthe
family to which i bfa^fcji?jrVnnp.fl, This. _
sep^atatTif?-oiTr'w^ her children
is permanent. She usually marries again,
and in that event is not burdened with
her offspring by previous husbands.
Romance of a Peer.
Lord Congleton, who died recently, 1
says London Life, was a man of marked
eccentricity of manner, but his blunt
speech and brusqueness of bearing cov
ered a warm and kindly heart. He was
an ardent supporter of the sect known as
"Plymouth Brethren," and it was his
devotion to this peculiar form of worship
that involved him in rather a strange
match. While traveling in Persia with
a friend he succeeded in converting an
Armenian lady, Madame Lazar, a widow
of an Armenian merchant, to a belief in
this peculiar form of worship. Convert
ing her was, comparatively, a simple
business; but then arose the question.
What is to be done next ? Propriety for
bade that these two guileless gentlemen
should travel about accompanied by a
handsome widow; while, were she left
behind, her heathen relations would
make short work of her, or her Christi
anity. For the sake of hersoul she must
not be left, so one of them must marry
her! It was agreed that, after the man
ner of the Scriptures, lots should be cast
to decide who was to become the happy
Benedict. The lot fell to Lord Congle
ton. who at once crrried out the contract,
and lived very happy with the lady until
her death.
White House Wear and Tear.
Many people wonder why it costs so
much to keep the excutive mansion in
good order, says a Washington letter.
Colonel Rockwell says the "wear and
tear" of the furniture exceeds that of any
hotel in the country. The "dear public,"
to the average of 500 a day, insist upon
seeing the White House. They must tread
upon the carpets and rest themselves in
the tempting chairs. They must exam
ine, with their eyes and fingers, all the
upholstery and drapery. When it ib re
membered that this is repeated every day
in the year it will cease to be a matter of
wonder that the wear is so rapid. Of
course, the people of this country would
live and die just.as happy if they were
excluded from the White House, but what
a tempest of indignation such a high
handed mcasnre would provoke! Those
things were paid for by the people and
the people are going to see them. All
that can be done is to let the people
wear 'em out, and then they can pay for
A Spicy llcporter.
"You must throw a little spice into
your writing," said the city editor to a
new reporter. "Facts are all very well
and make an admirable foundation, but |
there must be some elaboration. A bare i
bonnet without trimmings would be an j
unsightly affair."
"Why, I have thrown spice into tliisar- I
tide." the reporter replied.
"Where is the spice?"
"I say spice, because I have handled j
the subject gingerly."
"My collegiate friend," said the city
editor, "you are too smart to be a re- |
porter. Go on away and lecture for |
seventy-five dollars per night. Advertise
yourself with colored pictures and call
yourself a great paragrnpher. The pub- I
He is hungry for you."
"You seem to be interested in mv wel- |
"I am, for I believe that the public |
would kill you the first night."?Arlcan- ;
taw Traveler.
"I can't live without her," he said to j
his legal adviser, "and I am sure that
away down in her heart she has a little I
feeling for me. I am going to test her." I
He pulled out a pistol and said: "I am
going to her with this and say, 'Here, j
shoot me down; I don't care to live any
more.''1 "You had better not," said the j
cautious legal man; "she might pull the '
trigger.1' "I don't care for that," said j
the heartbroken husband; "I don't care
forthat; I have filled the weapon with
blank cartridges."?Figaro.
No dude is complete without a watch
chain. It doesn't matter about the
watch. He can't toll when it rains with- .
out looking at a watch, and he probably '<
knows enough to go in.?Breakfast Table. ?
OER 20, 1883.
Peter Cwoner's Sympathy With
Mrs. Susan N. Carter, the head of the
Woman's Art school of the Cooper Insti
tute, contributes an anecdotal paper to
the Century, in which she says of Mr.
Cooper's aims: " 'All I want,' he said,
*is, that these poor women shall earn de
cent and respectable livings, and espec
ially that they shall be kept from mar
rying bad husbands.'
"This subject of unhappy marriages
?eemed to be a very prominent one in
Mr. Cooper's mind. That women were
often imposed upon, were ill-used and
broken down, he had a lively conviction ;
and all his chivalry and sense of fatherly
protection were enlisted to Bave them, so
far as he could, from these ordinary mis
fortunes. "WWhj the world is now occu
pied with th Stion of what -women
can be taugnt, vueir higher education,'
and many kindred subjects, Mr.
Cooper's ccute genius discov
ered, as by intuition, many
years ago, the relation of women of the
middle class of society, to industries, and
the family. He saw that many of them
could not marry, and he realized what
must be the forlorn position of a number
of elderly daughters of a poor man. He
had noted the dangerous liklihood of
giddy, ignorant young girls marrying
anybody for a home, even if the men they
married were dissipated or inefficient:
and he had the tenderest pity for poor
widows or deserted wives. He talked
many times, and at great length, on
these subjects, and all circumstances and
any sort of incident brought up this de
sire of his heart, to help women to be
happy, independent, and virtuous.
"One of the lost times he was at the
school, and while a celebrated Now York
clergyman was giving a course of Lenten
lectures to women, Mr. Cooper, his face
all animated with his feelings about it,
said: 'Dr.- is of the wealthy class,
and' he has been used to deal with
wealthy women. The world does not
look like the same place to him that it
does to me. If he could be in my place
for a month, and read the letters I get
from poor and suffering women, he would
think that it would be beat to have them
taught anything which they could learn
to enable them to lessen all this trouble."
Good By, Kosy Checks.
" Just take a look at that lady coming
out of the drug store," said a well-known
physician to a Cleveland Herald reporter,
at the same time attracting his attention
to a beautiful girl of twenty-one, or
thereabouts, as plump and rosy-cheeked
as oiily a proper mode of living could
make her. She was. the very picture of
health, her proportions were symmetri
cal from head to foot, and from a glance
the reporter judged that she weighed 150
pounds. She.carried a small package in
her hand, and as she disappeared from
view the ? physician, continuing, said :'
" That girl is as pretty and Jiauasbme as
any in town, herjiajFents"are among the
wealthie8t,,-alt~^er wishes are fulfilled,
ahejyants for nothing, still she is as
miserable and unhappy as the poorest
woman in town." _ ,
. ".Spme.loye affair, of course, said the
reporter. """
"Far from it," replied the M. D.
" She is engaged and about to become
the wife of the man of her choice; but
the fact of her being a slave to fashion
renders her unhappy."
"If it is as you say, she must surely
have money enough to move along with
the world of fashion."
"You don't mean to say," said the
doctor, "that you haven't heard of the
latest lank and lean craze now existing
among fashionable ladies? No? "Well,
then, I'll tell jou. A great number of
the fair sex, nowadays, those who are as
finely proportioned as the young lady I
have just pointed out to you, and with
the flush of health upon their cheeks,
consider themselves out of fashion, for
to be fashionable nowadays one must
wear a "lean and hungry look," look
pale and interesting. Those approach
ing a reasonable degree of avoirdupois
or the possessors of rosy cheeks, are
looked upon as being vulgar, and not
entitled to the honor and distinction of
moving in the fashionable world. But
to return to the young lady who has just
left this drug store. You must have no
ticed the package she earned in her
hand; that is nothing more or less
than a vile compound of drugs, put up
for the purpose of reducing a person's
weight, at the same time undermining the
health of the brainless idiots
foolish enough to take it.
That lady called at my office
last week and blandly asked me what
course she should pursue, and what
means she should employ to reduce her
weight and remove the color of roses
from her cheeks. I had a series of con
versations with her, vainly endeavor:ng
to dissuade her from the foolish course
Bhe was about to pursue, but it was of
no avail; she left my office highly indig
nant,' and said she would never consult
me again. I then called on the young
lady's father, who tried to talk seriously
to his daughter, but I have since ascer
tained that she visited other physicians,
who gave herthe necessary prescriptions.
I know of some ladies in the city, mar
ried and single, who don't stop at any
thing. Eating arsenic is an old failure
among the fair sex, but it has lately been
revived at a fearful rate, for to gain their
eng is it not only necessary to be thin
but pale. How long such a craze generally
lasts there is no telling. I tell you, sir,
it is wonderful to contemplate the suf
ferings some women are willing to
undergo for the sake of being fashion
able. I know that you are inclined to
doubt my assertions, hut some day, when
you have the time to spare take a walk
among drug stores and physician's offi
ces, and you will find that I have told
you the truth without the least bit of
Fashion ZVotc*.
Black hare is the popular fur of the
Velvet flowers are worn on Parisian
"London smoke" is a fashionable color
for cloth ulsters.
Valenciennes is the fashionable lace
for young ladies.
Slender lace pins are still the favorite
form for brooches.
The Newmarket coat is the fashiona
ble traveling wrap.
Tailor-made cloth dresses are the height
of style for the street.
The leading sleeve is the coat-shape
fulled in on the shoulder.
Pigeon gray and pheasant brown are
leading shades this season.
Basques, as a rule, arc short and arc
pointed both back and front.
"White and ecru leather vests are worn
under velvet and plush jackets.
A clever Paris correspondent calls vel
veteen "the velvet of the street."
It is again fashionable to wear a fancy
pin in the bonnet bow under the chin.
All sorts of fanciful figured pieces and
heads in steel, gilt, silver and other met
als ornament both hats and bonnets.
Clover-leaf bracelets, with a diamond
or two on each leaf to simulate dew
drops, are among the newest designs in
A very pretty gold lace-pin is in a de
sign of a horse-shoe, with a spider's web
woven over it, and a diamond spider in
the center.
Three French twists to the back of the
hair and a loosely curled bang is one of
the latest and prettiest coiffures for a
young lady.
Daggers and swords are fashionable
stuck through the back hair. They
should be of silver or gold. Some have
tiny bells attached.
Lace pins of guitars, violins, banjo3
and other musical instruments are unique
and fashionable. They are perfect copies
of the instruments, having strings and
There is a rage for Indian brass work,
not only in vases and perfume jars and
lamps, but in hammered plates, entirely
covering the woodwork of bedsteads and
making them look as if composed of
solid metal.
A bonnet worn at the New York acad
emy of music was of soft cream white
plush, bordered with a row of tiny silver
and gold leaves, and fastened under the
chin with duchesse lace strings, held by
a diamond and emerald beetle.
Redfern, the London tailor, who
makes the swell cloth dresses, is using
dark cloth and vicugna for walking cos
tumes and trimming them either with
gold braid or astrachan. The skirts are
kilted and the tunics ornamented.
Many of the imported opera cloaks
worn in New York are of Persian or pea
cock velvet. The former shows all
colors in a soft, heavy pile, and the lat
ter the feathers of the peacock in the
natural tints, one placed on the other
in a fantastic design.
Some of the imported wool costumes
are embroidered in a chain-stitched vine
pattern of filoselle or undivided wood,
and the flowers or grapes of this vine are
formed by bunches of tiny oilk or wool
pompons and tassels, which are fastened
on in the desired form, making an ex
ceedingly pretty and effective decoration.
"White silk stockings embroidered with
white are worn either with white satin
slippers or "boots, as the bride may prefer.
Gant de Suede gloves, long enough to
meet the elbow sleeve and wrinkle at the
wrist, are in style. The conventional
orange blossoms have yielded to the
greater claims of white lilacs, daisies,
snowdrops and roses.
A canoe, partly imbedded under the
river Arun, has been found in the parish
of Pulborough, Sussex, England. It is
fifteen feet long by four foot broad, and
had been cut out of a single massive oak
tree in the stone age.
The dryest flour contains frojjufirX to
seven per cent, of water, and-the average
percentage would be-Hfrbm seventeen to
eighteen, as franr^eleven to twelve per
cent, can be driven out by heat of about
9% degrees Fahrenheit.
The speed at which explosions can
travel has been looked into by M. Berthe -
lot. He took for the gases carbonic
oxide and oxygen, and these he exploded
in a tube sixteen inches long and one
third inch in diameter, by means of elec
tricity. The rate observed was the un
expectedly high one of 2.500 metres a
?econd. -
A Frenchman who has patented a ma
chine for the use of concentrated solar
rays as a general motive power has set up
three of his machines in Algeria for the
French government. He is carrying on
experiments at the island of Porquerolles,
near Hyeres, where he is threshing Indian
corn and raising water by the action* of
the sun's rays. Sir Charles D?ke has also
lent him part of his land at Cape Brun,
near Toulon, for his experiments; and he
proposes to utilize the sun in boring the
holes for blasting, for tree-planting in
the hard rocks, as well as in pumping
water from the winter wells into the sum
mer cisterns.
Frofessor Colladon, of Geneva, has
ascertained that when lightning strikes a
tree it leaves very few marks of its pas
sage on the upper part and middle of the
trunk, but as it descends to the neigh
borhood of the heavier branches it tears
open the bark and in many . lances
shivers the tree. He ascribes this pecul
iarity to the fact that the upper portion of
the tree are more highly charged with
sugar?a good ek trie conductor?than
the lower parts. An exception to the
rule seems to be found in oaks, which
are often seen with tops quite blasted
and the passage of the lightning lower
down marked by a gouge-like furrow.
Diamonds for Drills.
"Diamonds arc comparatively cheap
nowadays," a rock dnll manufacturer
j said, " and the diamond set bits used in
the diamond drills do not cost as much
as they did."
" Are genuine diamonds used in these
drills, or are they called diamond drills
because the steel has an extremely hard
temper ?" the reporter asked.
"Diamonds are used in the drills.
I They are chiefly one and two carat stones.
I At present they cost about $20 a carat.
I They are in the rough. The diamond
I set bit is hollow. It is a steel thimble,
I having three rows of diamonds embedded
i in it, so that the edges of those in one
j row project from its face, while the
j edges of those in the other two rows pro
I ject from the outer and inner periphery
respectively. The diamonds of the first
mentioned row cut the path of the drill
in its forward progress, while those on
the outer and inner periphery of the tool
enlarge the cavity."
"How are the diamonds set in the
bit ?"
"The bit is of soft steel, in which holes
! are drilled. After the diamonds arc
fitted the metal is hammered against
them so that they remain firm."
" Do the diamonds wear out V
"Their edges which come in contact
with the rock get -a little smooth, and
then they are taken out and reset, so that
a fresh edge is presented."
" Have all thc_ hollow drills three rows
of diamonds?"
"No. Some have only one row, but
these arc not very large. The diamonds
stand out from the steel setting, so that
the steel does not come in contact with
the rock."
I 4' How are the diamond drills worked ?"
J "By a rapid rotation, varying any
! where from 400 to 1,000 revolutions'a
j minute.- There are different machines
j used for different kinds of drilling."
"Where do you get the diamonds for
the bits?" the reporter asked.
"They come principally from Brazil.
Some come from Siberia and some from
the south of Africa; the latter, however,
arc more glassy and not so tough as the
Brazilian diamonds, and are much more
likely to crush under pressure.?New
York Sun.
I "My observation," says an old batchc
I lor, "leads me to the certain knowledge
i that up to twenty-five years of age a
woman looks for her prospective husband
with an expression of fear and tender
ness, and from then until thirty with an
expectant and anxious look; but after
that a relentless, cruel determination
haunts her eyes that bodes hardship and
revenge upon him should the truant at
last be found."
There are 120 newspapers in the United
States of which the publishtrs, editors
and chief contributors are negroes The
oldest of them is said to be the Elevator,
of San Francisco, which has already at
tained its eighteenth year.
NO. 43.
Holiday Scenes and Incidents in an
Italian City.
And now the blessed Chri?tmas-eve
has come. A hush settles upon the city
with the twilight. The toiling fathers
and mothers stroll, with the children in
their arms, along the passages between
the gay booths, and laugh and shout and
chaffer with the bronzed peasant, whose
faces stand out in relief behind the flar
ing brass lamps. The bridges lie white
and calm in the dusk, with shadows
gathered in the water under the arches.
Along the canals the reflections of the
house fronts lie black against the dusk of
the mirrored sky. Here and there the
street light falls on an angel gazing down
with outstretched hands and widespread
wings. A holy peace is on the beautiful
stone face, and the mouths are parted
with mute hosannas.
Along the lagoon groups are strolling
toward the piazza, for their is service in
St. Mark's. There are sailor lads dressed
afresh for the festa night; peasant sol
diers who are thinking of the little homes
among the Southern olive hills; young
girls with faces shining with holy
thoughts. In the upper sky lingers the
pale twilight green that the old Vene
tians dwelt upon so lovingly. The tower
of San Giorgio rises, a stately shaft,
againatthe darkening sky, with, the gold
en angel standing in relief against the
clear space the early moon has left in its
wake. At the angel's feet glows the
great, bright steadfast evening star.
The lagoon is red with the reflected
after-glow. Great black shadows lie
athwart it from the hulks of the anchored
vessels. The net-work of masts and cor
dage that stands black against the ruddy
sky is reproduced in the pale water.
The domes of the city rise black
against the late twilight sky, and along
the water's edge gleam rows of golden
lights. Old convents that long echoed
with the Christmas merriment of monks
frown upon the joyful people, white and
ghostly m their age.
In the wine shops the gondoliers are
singing noisy Christmas ballads. In the
larger caffe officers in spurs and floating
cloaks are grouped about the little
tables, playing chess and drinking coffee.
Old men are knitting their biows over
the newspapers, forgetful of Christmas
eve. Young men are whispering to
gether and laughing over their stories,
unmindful of the old blind man who is
singing some quaint Christmas, carol at
the door to the sound of hisworn guitar.
Sometimes young girls'?fresh, pretty
things?stand with'their mothers in the
recking cjgaTsmoke, and wail Christmas
carols ~" to a plaintive violin accompani
ment, that makes them stop and listen un
I til tears come into their eyes at the
thought of Christmas hoped dead long
At the Molo the gondole crouch dark
against the riva, with stakes rising
among them, crowned now and then
with a little Gothic tabernacle that has a
lamp flickering before a coarse print of
the Virgin. The gondoliers lounge,
wrapped in their heavy cloaks, about the
landing. On the pedestals of the
columns, with the white-eyed lion glar
ing upon them, and St. Theodore gazing
scornfully upon their plebeian, shaped
-cower groupy of woman and children anS
old men. Some instinct of adcrariofhaa
driven theni out. under the open sky to
wait.for the mystical coming.
Through the dusk gleam the white re
clining figures on the arches of the Zecca.
She statutes stand dark against the sky
under the great black shaft of the Cam
panile. The moonlight glitters on the
arched window of the ducal palace and
under the dusk of the balcony curves,
forcing the white shafts to strong relief.
Across the piazza, forming a back
ground for the figures of the passers-by,
streams the light from the brilliant win
| dows under the Procuratic and the long,
bright street beyond the clock tower.
The giants that strike the bell stand out
among the chimneys, and below them,
against the black front; above the arch,
glow the golden numbers of the hour.
On the side of the church, where th?
mosaic virgin sits high in her niche, with
gold and gleaming marbles and quaint
carving and smiling monsters about her,
burn two flickering points of flame. Thej
j have shone there for centuries?the re
! public's peace-offering to a soul whose
: body was put to death between the fatal
columns. At the door of the basilica
weary mothers and children croud
among the porphyry columns and thi
grinning monsters.
At the prayer desks and on the palc
mosaicked floor kneel dark veiled figures,
like statues, against the chancel flame.
The people stand with faces raised tc
the throne above the altar glory, whert
the great pale Christ sits with His hands
j uplifted in blessing. The symbols of the
evangelists stand about Ilim?mighty
I monsters praising God for the man}
! ChrisLmas-eves they have known sinct
the old Greek workers called them intc
' life. A peace not of earth lies upor
I their grotesque features, and on the
faces of the worshipers standing wit!
hushed adoration about the shadow'}
: columns. There are old men whose gum
hang by the side of the brown Madonnc
in token of gratitude for their present
tion in the time of the revolution; young
girls with rapt faces; young men wirf
daik, brave eyes; mothers with theii
babes crying out for joy at the bright
ness. The glory of immortality hai
dawned upon their earth-laden hearts.?
Harper^t Magazine.
Christmas Rhymes.
Again, and yet again, Christmas "re
turns with the revolving year."' and, as ii
has been for so many centuries, will b<
again celebrat. 1 with the advent of frosl
and ice amid the depths of winter?ai
! least in the northern half of the world
I for in the southern hemisphere Christmas
? comes hand in hand with midsummer
and is welcomed, not by blazing logs
but with picnics under the cool shade o
trees, though even here the old associa
tiona hold their sway and roast beef anc
Christmas puddings appear upon th<
i board.
To the poets Christmas has alwayi
I been dear, and has been celebrated b]
them in some of the finest poetry in ou:
: language. One of the finest Christina
! carols ever written is that of Milton
1 which was written when he was ver
I young. It is descriptive of the firs
I Christmas day, when there was "an uni
I versal peace through sea and land."
>'or war nor battle's sound
Was hoard the world around;
The idle spear and shield were high up
; The booked chariot stood
? Unstained with battle blood;
The trumpet spake hot to the arme<
: And kimrs sat still with awful eye,
As if they surely knew their fovt a Lon
was nigh.
Leigh Hunt in a strain of most pleas
ant banter writes of C hristmas as the
Glorious time of great Too Much.
Too much tiro and too much noise,
Too much babblement of boys;
To) much eating, loo much drinkinsr,
Too much ev'rything but thinking;"
Solely bent to laugh and stuff,
Anil trample upon base Enough.
This is truly seasonable poetic licensi
?running over, as it were, of anima
spirits, which was characteristic of th<
man, even under the most severe depres
sion. For no one advocated more strong
ly than he did the restriction of enjoy
ment of what he here terms "bas<
Enough," and the distribution of th(
surplus of the great Too Much amongsl
those who unfortunately are innocent o]
all familiarity with Enough.
?t)f ?imf5 gift frnwral
L All changes in advertisements must
rHftch u3 on Friday.
2. In writiug to this office oil badness
r'iw ys give your name a?'i postofnce ad
3. Articles for pnb?caOn should Imj writ
ten in a clear, legible hand, and oa oaly on*
side of the page. . .
4. Business letters and communications
to be published should be written ou seporaU
sheets, and the object of each clearly in
dicated by necessary note when required.
As travelers on the mountain heights,
Where wintry winds forever blow,
Will pause beside the dizzy verge
To look on tropic vales below, ',__?
And feel again the balmy breeze,
Unconscious of benumbing cold,
And hear in fancy summer-songs,
That ripple through the :mnlight's gold;
So oft upon some ledge of Time
That overhangs the gorga of years,
I stand entranced with joy to see
How fair the vail of Youth appears.
With hearing deaf to surging winds,
With vision blind to hostile skies,
I only know 1 bask once more
Within that distant paradise.
It seemed so long, so long cigo,
Since from that climate, warm and swee?
I wandered into fading light,
Unmindful of my straying feet,
Till harsher airs assailed my face,
And emerald ways grew bare and brown,
Till shrouded in a world of mist,
And lost, at times, I sank me down,
I know I now breathe purer air
And tread the firmer ground of rock,
O'er many wild impulsive storms,
With blinding flash and!thunder-shock;
And yet upon these snowy belghti
My homesick heart so of ixm turns
To gaze upon that lovely -rale
On which the deathless sunlight burns.
?Julia H. Thayer, in the Continent
The biggest cabbage heads are not al
ways the best, but they have the largest
It is said the dude is the real connect
ing link, but he appears to leau to the
ape side.?Picayune.
Never judge a girl by her color. She
may not be as bad as she is painted.
When Fogg was asked regarding the
latest additions to the English langunge,
he said he would ask his wife. She al
ways had the last word.?Boston Tran
Franklin said to the effect thaW*1"*
who take wives -take,
friend of Ottts intimates that it is g?
ally th?-wife who takes hair.?PhiiadA,^
A young man in South Carolina, only
twenty years of ajre, has been engaged
nineteen times. It ib seldom that a youth
of his age has been the hero of so many
escapes.?San Francisco Alta.
A Maine woman offered her husband
at auction, but no ODe made a bid. The
crowd was so kind-hearted they couldn't
bear to have the poor fellow knocked
down any more.?Courier-Journal;
A young man of this city, violently^ in -
love with a pretty seamstress, being
asked what business he was in, sighed
and said: "lam developing a sewing.-*
machine attachment."?N. 7. Jown^r^
out os FrasT,^
"You are so cruel, my pretty maid.
M7 heart you have broken," I sadly sayed;
"Had butycurheart been soft as your head,
It neler had hat e been broken, sir,"' she said.
?Hawkeye. \
A scientist says that in the moon a .
hickory nut falling from a bough would
crash through a man, like a minie balk
That settles it. We shall never go to the
moon to gather hickory nuts.?Norristown
The Egyptians drank beer 2,000 years
before the Christian era. But because
they started it so early is no reason why
the American people should keep it up
until three o'clock in the morning. ?Bur
lington Hawkeye.
George Washington, in advertising a
large tract of land lying along the Ohio
river, said that a city would eventually
be built on it. Cincinnati now stands on
the land. Even as a land agent, Wash
ington wouldn't tell a lie.?Arkansaw
"Mary," said a mother to her daugh
ter, "has Henry proposed yet?" "No .
yet, ma, but I think he will before many
days." "What makes you think so?" ^
"Became he asked me if you expected/
to live \>lth me if I married, niid-4-Told
him no."?Hotel Mail.
Major Wasson, the defaulting paymas
ter, wept when they shaved off his beau
tiful blonde mustache in the Kansas pen
ite tiary. The Burlingloa Hawkeye
thinks it's no wonder, because there are
some barbers in Kansas who would make
an iron man cry if they shaved him.
One three-yrar-old ostrich will yield
$150 worth of feathers a year. (Consid
ering that an osttich will eat a week's
washing at one meal, if it gets a chance,
and swallow a few fence pickets for a
dessert, there doesn't seem to be much
profit in ostrich farming.?Norristown
"My son," said a Philadelphia father,
] "whenever you start to do a thing never
'! half do it." "Must I always do both
halves?" asked the hopeful son. "Yes,"
was the reply. And then the lad, who
had stealthily devoured half a pie,sneaked
back into the pantry and gobbled the
other half.
Sweet Mary Ann ha I a musical tongue;
By Jiy am! by night forever she songue.
And oft on her notes her many*" friends
But, one Jay, alas! she ruptured a longue,
Her music away to the winds was soon
And in joy her near neighbor ha 1 all tho
bells rongue.
? ?Boston Transcript.
We saw a young man with two heads
on his shoulder the other day. We
were on the point of trying to make
a strike with the dime museum manage
ment, to exhibit the show, when we
were made aware that it was hardly a
natural curiosity, and not at all a rare phe
nomenon?one head was that of his girl.
?Chicago Sun.
It's human nature, human nature;
thar.'s what it is. There arc men who would
placidly and sweetly sleep in a boiler
works, with hundreds of hammers thun
dering away around them, who would
start up in bed, wide awake, if they
heard a tinkle of a few cents as their
wives were going through their pants
pockets ?Fall litter Advance.
A Connecticut man has a third arm
growing out of his back Oh. of course,
if he has no wife to attend ito his back
when it aches or itches, the best way is
to have another arm. They are killing
off the women so rapidly in Connecticut
that men will be compelled to grow an
extra arm, or back up against the side of
a house to scratch.?Peck's Sun.
A Wonderful Old Man at 105. u
The grandfather of Dr. W:H. Peebles/
an eminent physician of Georgia, recent
ly made the following statement :-Tlis
grandfather on his wife's side, Micajah
Brooks, was only seventeen years old
when he was married to a girl of fifteen.
They lived happily together until his
wife died at the advanced age of 100
year*:. After her death at about the age
of 104 years, he was remarried to a Miss
Watfion, of Paulding county, she being
about forty years old at the time. Two
sons were born tc them, and in the year
1807 he died at ti e advanced age of 118
years. He was a VirgiVnn by birth but
was one of the earliest settlers of North
western Georgia. He was a great trader
with the Indians, and y.t one time owned
nearly the whole of Paulding and adja
cent counties, which he bought from
them. His second wife is still living,
which makes her at this time seventy
years old

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