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The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, July 06, 1905, Image 1

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THE BAMBERG HERALD.
Established 1891 BAMBERG, S. C., THURSDAY, JULY 6, 1905 One Dollar a Year
ri
Wrote Her Answer on His Cuff
"The average person has no idea of the
number of men who use their cuffs for
memorandum purposes," said the local
manager of a sububran laundry. "We witness
many amusing occurrences. On
Wednesday afternoon I received a telegram
from one of my regular patrons
from New York, instructing me not to
wash his laundry until he arrived at my
office. He stated that he was on his way
& here.
"About a half hour later he burst in and
demanded his soiled cuffs, which had been
collected that morning. I told him the
linen had been sent to the town where
our work is done and then he raved and
swore. Summoning a messenger boy, he
wired to the plant: "Don't wash So and
ova lonnrirv nntil he arrives." Then he
UV O 4WUMV*. j ?._W
dashed pell mell for the railroad station
before I had time to get a nexplanation.
"This was forthcoming on Thursday,
however, when he stopped in to see me.
It seemed that at a dance on Tuesday
night he had proposed to an old sweetheart,
who is a veritable 'cut up.' She is
a fine German scholar, and laughingly
said she would write her answer in that
~ tongue in a small verse on his cuff. He
had left hurriedly on Wednesday and not
until he reached New York did he realize
^ that the cuffs had been put with his soiled
linen. Then he got the cuffs and the
right answer."?Philadelphia Record.
Kathlene: "It's little ye love me, or ye
wud niver stay away from me as ye did
last evening, just because av a wee bit o'
rain."
Dudee Mike: "Sure, it wor a pourin'
down floods, mavoumeen, but it wor not
th' rain thet kep' me away from th' loight
av y'r hivenly eyes."
Itathlene: "An' wot wor it?"
Dudee Mike: "It wor th' lack av an
umbrella."
A SURPRISE PARTY.
A pleasant surprise party may be given
to your stomach and liver, by taking a
medicine which will relieve their pain
and discomfort, viz: ur. mngs new
life Pills. They are a most wonderful
remedy, affording sure relief and cure, for
headache, dizziness and constipation.
At all druggists in Bamberg; Felder and
Matthews, Denmark. Price 25c.
An Answering Silence.
Young ladies with a fondness for infantile
admirers should be warned by an
epfeode at a seaside resort last summer.
An engaging masculine of seven years
became on exceedingly good terms with
the belle of their particular hotel, a girl
H about 20 years his senior. One day the
charme^ asked the swain to go bathing
and after the bath, as they returned to
I " their bathhouses, the small man suggested
a race to see who could dress first. They
v,.- entered the bathhouses, which adjoined,
and in a short time a youthful treble called,
"Miss Ethel, oh, Miss Ethel, I've got my
7; stockings on."
A low contralto answered, "Yes, Rob?
hie, so have L"
7: . After a short pause the irrepressible
again called, "Miss Ethel, I've got my
shoes on."
Again came the answer, "Yes, dear, so
|i. have I."
Again a pause?then a triumphant voice
shrilly proclaimed, "Miss Ethel, I've got
my pants on."
The answering silence was oppressive.
?H. B. Spencer, in JulyLippincott's.
^
BENT HER DOUBLE.
"I knew no one, for four weeks, when
I was sick with typhoid and kidney trouble,"
writes Mrs. Annie Hunter, of Pittsburg,
Pa., "and when I got better, al
though I had one of the best doctors 1
couldget, I was bent double, and had to
rest my hands on my knees when I walked.
From this terrible affliction I was rescued
by Electric Bitters, which restored my
health and strength, and now I can walk
as straight as ever. They are simply
wonderful." Guaranteed to cure stomach,
liver and kidney disorders; at all drugS'sts
in Bamberg; Felder and Matthews,
enmark. Price 50c.
Dewey Wept Over Boy's Love of Mother.
The following story of Admiral Dewey,
v says the New York American, is told by
one of the sailors who returned to the
Raleigh. Just before the battle of Manilla,
when the order was given to strip for
action, the smallest powder boy on the
flagship dropped his coat overboard. He
asked permission to jump after it, but
was refused. He went to the side of the
ship, dropped overboard, recovered his
ooat and was promptly arrested for disobedience.
Admiral Dewey spoke kindly to the
youngster, who broke down and said that
the coat contained his mother's picture,
which he had just kissed, and he could
--> * Wqot- trw it lnut . Dewev's eves
UUb UVUA ?v wvw ?
filled with tears. He fairly embraced the
boy, and ordered him to be released, saying;
"Boys who love their mothers
enough to risk their lives for her picture
-cannot be kept in irons on this fleet."
Always Liberal to Churches.
Every church will be given a liberal
quantity of L. & M. paint. Call for it.
4 gallons Longman and Martinez L. & M.
paint mixed with 3 gallons linseed oil,
will paint a house. W. B. Barr, Charleston,
W. Va. writes, "Painted Frankenburg
block with L. & M. stands out as
though varnished." Wears and covers
like gold. Don't pay $1.50 a gallon for
linseed oil, which you do in ready-for-use
paint. Buy oil fresh from the barrel at
60 cents per gallon and mix it with L. &
M. paint. It makes paint cost about $1.20
per gallon. Sold by Bamberg Pharmacy.
Negro Fonnd Dead.
Branchville, June 28.?The body of a
negro, who had evidently been dead for
several months, was found in a swamp
about two miles from here this morning.
The body was almost entirely decomposed
and could not be identified, but the man
had evidently been murdered, as the body
when found was partly buried. As
soon as notified of the find, Acting Coroner
Dukes empaneled a jury to hold the
inquest, the verdict of the jury being that
a party unknown had come to his death
by means unknown to them.
He Didn't Smoke.
several 01 me vmagcis nws s&abwi
around the stove in the general store at
Selkirk yesterday afternoon when Coroner
Ray dropped in on his way back
from a call just below the village. The
coroner invited all hands to have a good
cigar and only one of those present failed
to respond.
"Don't you smoke?" queried the coroner.
"I reckon not," was the reply.
I "Well, have something else," said the
coroner.
| "Very well," said the tardy one, look|
ing around,"give me two loaves of bread.''
?Albany Journal.
Truth Will Out.
A young man was taking the civil
service examinations and was exasperated
at the irrelevance of some of the questions.
One question was, "How many British
troops were sent to this country during
[ the American Revolution?" The young
I man nibbled his pen for a moment in
| annoyance and then wrote the answer,
i "I don't know, but a darned sight more
than went back."?Lippincott's Magazine.
!!? Hfncv S. Hartzocr.
Arkansas papers of late date lift the lid
from the proceedings of the trustees of
the State University and show how Dr.
Henry S. Hartzog was traded out of the
Presidency of that institution. Governor
Jeff Davis of that State appears to be a
regular Western rule the roost politician,
with an eye very single to ?he height and
strength of his political fences.
No charges had been made against Dr.
Hartzog and none could be, for during
the three years of his administration he
had worked with might and main toward
the upbuilding of the University and had
"succeeded magnificently" as the Fayetteville
papers say. It had been his constant
purpose to lift the University out of
politics. The Governor and one trustee
were against Dr. Hartzog. Another trustree
was won over by promise of a judicial
appointment as successor to Judge Till|
man, the new President, another trustee
desired the office for himself, a third
| Wisnea tne election to tat; ueabuieiauip
of a man who would deposit the Univer[
sity funds in a bank in which he was ini
terested and another wished the election
of his sister, contrary to law, as a teacher
in the University. They won, but as the
commencement closed Dr. Hartzog rel
ceived in the words of the Arkansas paper
an ovation that was "a triumph such as
comes to few men in the course of a lifetime.
The applause that greeted him
was spontaneous, enthusiastic, deafening.
| It was hurricanelike in its intensity? the
tremendous cheering grew in volume and
intensity until the audience became almost
uncontrollable."
The affair has brought one embarrassment
to Dr. Hartzog?the difficulty of selecting
out of the numerous propositions
of far greater profit and opportunity show;
ered upon him. He is wanted from the
Mississippi to the Golden Gate.?Barnwell
People.
Breathes there a man with soul so dead,
| who never to himself has said, "I'll pay
before f go to bed, the debt I owe the
I printer!" There are some, we know full
well, who never such a tale can tell: but
, they, we fear will go to?well, the place
! where there is no winter, v
i
Knew His Eggs.
j A vegetarian had an amusing experience
the other morning while at break
fast. His family was out 01 town, ana ne
went to a restaurant and took a seat next
to a stranger.
The vegetarian took occasion to advertise
his creed by telling the stranger that
all meat was injurious and that the human
! diet should be strictly vegetarian.
; "But," replied the stranger, "I seldom
eat meat."
"You just ordered eggs," said the vegetarian.
"An egg is practically meat, because
it eventually becomes a bird."
"The kind of eggs I eat never-become
birds," answered the stranger, quietly.
"Good heavens!" cried the vegetarian,
"what kind of eggs do you eat?"
"Principally boiled eggs," said the stranger.
THE DIAMOND CURE.
The latest news from Paris, is, that they
have discovered a diamond cure for consumption.
If you fear consumption or
pneumonia, it will, however, be best for
you to take that great remedy mentioned
by "W. T. McGee, of Yanleer, Tenn. "I
had a cough for fourteen years. Nothing
helped me, until I took Dr. King's New
Discovery for consumption, coughs and
colds, which gave instant relief and
effected a permanent cure." Unequalled
quick cure for throat and lung troubles.
At all druggists in Bamberg; Felder &
Matthews, Denmark. Price 50c andf 1.00,
guaranteed. Trial bottle fr&e.
IN THE PALMETTO STATE.
INTERESTING OCCURRENCES OF VARIOUS
KINDS IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
State News Boiled Down for Quick Reading
Pungent Paragraphs About Men
and Happenings.
The total enrollment of teachers in the
State snmmer school at Clemson college
is over 500 and still they come.
Charlie Webster of Ridgeville, aged 13,
died suddenly on Saturday after eating
heartily of fresh honey just taken from
the hive.
Gen. Wm. Stokes, a prominent citizen
of Hampton county, died at his home at
Early Branch last Friday. He was 71
years old. Paralysis was the cause of
his death.
Stiles Moore in Oconee county was
convicted of a heinous crime, yet was
given only fourteen years in the penitentiary.
The victim was a young girl not
yet sixteen.
Enoch Lemon, colored, on his way
home in Clarendon county in a new
buggy on Saturday died suddenly just
after taking a big arink of cheap dispensary
liquor.
For the second time within a week
unescorted ladies, returning from
religious services, were attacked by a
negro on the streets of Rock Hill on
Thursday night.
The annual convention of the rural
letter carriers of the State was held in
Columbia last Monday. There were about
twenty delegates present. D. C. Hayden,
of Orangeburg, was elected president.
Heavy rains in Oconee county have
washed away many bridges and done
considerable damage. Southern railway
trains were run over the Seaboard tracks
from Greenville to Atlanta because of the
flood.
James Werts, colored, was convicted
on Saturday in Aiken of murdering an
old negro named Sam Pickley for his
money. The jury recommended him to
mercy and he was sent to the penitentiary
for life.
Col. Henry T. Thompson, of Columbia,
was last Saturday elected colonel of the
second regiment, defeating Col. D. 0.
Herbert, of Orangeburg, who was a candidate
for re-election. Col. Thompson is
an able military man, and his election is
a most fortunate thing for the second
regiment.
At a fourth of July barbecue on Tuesday
at Gaston, Lexington county, severs1
white men were drinking and got to
fighting. When the battle was over one
man was fatally stabbed, another shot
and will die, and another dangerously
shot in the hip. Whiskey and an old
grudge caused the trouble.
Senator Tillman made a speech at
Greenville on Tuesday on the cotton
question. He did not touch on politics
much, but said the dispensary was rotten
and unless the legislature took steps to
clean it up he was going to help vote it
out. He believes the dispensary can be
reorganized and made the best system for
nrKiolrATr
uauunug r\ xiiock.\jj
A young white man named Pope McCarty
was shot twice and dangerously
wounded last Saturday afternoon in
Saluda county by a negro named Jim
Bell. The negro was also shot twice and
seriously hurt. The white man and negro
were gambling and the white man refused
to settle up when the time came, so the
negro pulled his pistol and opened fire,
which was returned by McCarty. This
same white man was almost killed a few
years ago in a gambling row with negroes.
Shot by Stepfather.
Bbranchville, June 29.?Steve Wolfe,a
negro boy, was shot and almost instantly
killed by his step-father, Joe Easterlin, at
the latter's house, on the Fairey place,
near here, this morning. It appears that
bad blood has existed between the two
for some time, but it is not clear whether
the shooting was done in self-defence, or
was deliberate murder, though it is said,
the boy had a pistol in his hand when
shot.
Easterlin left soon after the shooting
and has not yet been captured. The coroner's
jury viewed the body and will
render a verdict later.
It Served Them Bight.
"Courtesy always pays," said Mme
Rejane, the French actress, to an interviewer.
"If we are courteous to people,
they like us and they try to help us. If
we are discourteous to them, they hate
and oppose us.
"Two women occupied a compartment
in a railway carrage with one man, a
strancrer. They were extremely rude to
this mail. In whispers that he could
overhear they criticized his costume,
his figures and his manner. He, to be revenged,
did a singular thing.
"The blackness of a tunnel enveloped
the car, and under cover of the darkness
the man kissed the back of his hand
loudly and repeatedly. Then, when the
train entered the light again, he looked
from one woman to the other with a
significant smile.
"They exchanged glances of suspicion.
"Was it you he kissed?"
"No, of course not. Was it you?"
"And neither lady would believe the
other's denial, and each, in her innocent
heart, was offended to think that the man
had chosen her companion instead of her1
r * - u:? man lrtAlrorl />nnl onrl
sell lO tk.iSS. JL ULt. Ui?u vvvi
complacent. When, finally, he rose to go
he said, lifting his hat with a jocular air:
"'Have no fear, ladies; I shall never tell
which of you it was."?Buffalo Enquirer.
An insurance agent says that the young
wife of an old man rejuvenates him, and
that he would consider a man of 70 who
married a girl of 20 a much better risk
than before. Here is a point to be considered
by those sweet young things with
a keen sense of business who pick out
eligible old men with one foot in the
grave.
$10,000 DINNER IN LONDON.
A Wonderful Entertainment Given at the Savoy
by an "American."
London, June 30.?A wonderful dinner
party, costing $10,000, was given at the
Savoy Hotel to-night to twenty-four
American guests by Mr. Kessler, a well
known New Yorker. An enormous gondola
was built in one of the Court yards
of the hotel in the centre of which the
guests sat down.
This gondola was surrounded by water
on which real swans and ducks were introduced
and scenes of Venice were
painted all around. There was a ceiling
of dark sapphire blue, through which
gleamed twinkling stars to light the table.
Rows of Venetian lanterns were arranged
on the gondola, which was painted
white and decorated with festoons of smilax
and pink roses. A pontoon bridge
was erected over the lake, across which
waiters brought the various dishes, while
a magnificent cake "was borne to the
guests on the back of Jumbo Senior, said
to be the smallest elephant in Europe.
The reception room was really perfectly
lovely. It opened on to the Court yard,
where the gondola was, and masses of
pink roses, carnations and sweet peas ]
were most artistically -and lavishly ar- .
ranged in it. It was one of the prettiest .
sights that has ever been seen, and reflects
much credit on the hotel for the skilful <
and beautiful way in which it was carried ,
out. ' i
His Worry.
"I say, Sambo," said a gentleman to-an (
improvident negro who had just lost a
job for the third or fourth time, "aren't
you worried over the question of wherewithal
to support you?"
"Lordy, Marse Henry," was the reply,
" I ain't worrin' about wherewithal; Fs
worrin' about de wherefore fur de herein."
Good Trinities.
T r, Qf T.ftrtia thoro ia a flavin or that flip npn
Aii ?wvr ? J r
pie of North Carolina believe in three
things; hell, calomel and Democracy?a
mighty good trinity, each in its place.
In a speech at Richmond this week in
a tribute to Robert E. Lee, the new president
of the University of Virginia, Dr. E.
A. Alderman, said amid great applause:
"I have said before, and I repeat it now,
that we of the South are the only people
in all the world who still read Sir Walter
Scott, fear God and vote the democratic
ticket."
Both are good trinities!
At the Court Ball.
Countess?Oh, your Royal Highness,
just look at the baroness! Isn't it shockingly
decollette for such a scrawny old
thing?
Prince?Yes, she's making a great show
of nothing.
If you want a higher grade buggy
than you can find elsewhere, call at G.
Frank Bamberg's.
BOUGHT COTTON FROM JURY BOX.
Murder Trial Juror a Winner on the Day's Transactions.
A juror sitting in a murder trial and opI
erating in the cotton market at the same I
time, getttng reports of purchases and
sales, with a bear panic in full blast, was
the role played in general sessions yesterday
by Barton S. Castles. At the end of
the day Castles found that he was a good
winner.
Mr. Castles is a juror in the trial of Emma
Nash, a negress, who is accused of murdering
her common law husband, Joshua
Whitehurst. After the jury had been
selected yesterday .Mr. Castles addressed
the court.
"I have a favor to ask of your honor,"
he said. "It is important to me that it
should be granted."
"I am ready to do anything I can for
you," said Judge Foster.
"Well, I am heavily interested in the
cotton market," said Castles. "I would
like to be allowed to receive quotations
during the day of how the market is going.
Maybe I would like to transact some
business, too."
"Oh, that's it," said the judge. "But do
you think that.your mind wouldn't be diverted
from what is goingjon here? You
know that this is a very serious case?a
murder trial."
"On the contrary," said Castles, "I think
that if I knew what was going on my
mind would not be diverted. I am less
apt to be worried then."
Judge Foster granted Castles' request.
During the day messengers rusned into
the court room with reports on the cotton
market, but in no way interrupting thq
trial. Mr. Castles frequently sent back
word to his brokers instructing them
what to do for him in the market.
"How did I make out?" he said at the
close of the day's session. "First rate.
I'm a pretty heavy winner. There wasn't
a slip up at any time."?New York Sun.
A Macon, Ga., throat specialist says
that woman is better qualified for talking
than man. Most of us have found that
out without the necessity of consulting a
specialist.
"Don't marry a man," said a New Jersey
preacher, addressing a class of young
women, "until you know about his past."
The chances are that the average young
! woman would not marry a man after
j learning about his past.
COUNTRY NEWS LETTERS.
SOME INTERESTING HAPPENINGS
IN YARIOUS SECTIONS.
News Items Gathered All Around
the Connty and Elsewhere.
Ehrhardt Etchings.
Ehrhardt, July 3.?Mr. F. M. Zeigler,
of Clear Pond section, was in town last
week on business. He says cotton crops
in bis section are very fair, but corn crops
are poor; says there are a quantity of
acres that will not make one "hoe cake"
to the acre in his section.
J. Wms. Carter was bitten by a snake
on the index finger of his left hand one
day last week. He was at work moving
some corn stalks in his lot and the snake
a. 1 TT _ J!J a. i.1 1
was iu mem. ne mu noi see me snase,
nor does he know its kind, but says it was
enough snake to make him very sick, and
if he had not gotten medical aid as soon
as he did, would have passed in his checks.
Says he don't need any more snakes in
his business, large or small.
Dr. A. G. Voigt, Dean of theMt. Pleasant
Lutheran Seminary, assisted Rfev. P.
E. Monroe in a meeting at Ehrhardt
Lutheran church Thursday, Friday, and
Saturday nights and Sunday morning and
afternoon services and was enjoyed by
all that attended. The congregation was
large enough for comfort at each sermon
and by the attention given the speaker
showed their appreciation of his handling
of the subject chosen for each sermon.
Capt. J. M. Dannelly and wife, J. D.
Dannelly and wife, and Mrs. John Frank
Chassereau have gone to the Isle of Palms
for their health.
Mr. Tom D. Jones intends visiting
Newberry this week.
Mr. J. D. Padgett, wife and son, have
gone on a visit relatives near Walterboro.
Several of our young men think of
spending the 4th in the city by the sea.
Jee. 1
Social News from Lakeland.
The following social items from the
T - i i a "ni _ mi ? ?
jjaseiana, ria., news, wiu De 01 interest
to Mrs. O'Hern's friends here:
The third meeting of the Needle, Brush
and Art Club was at Mrs. Elliston's, the
home secretary. A fall of rain prevented
some of the members' arrival but the more
the merrier did not hold in this case.
Discussion as to ways and means of Fair
exaltation were gone over, succeeded by
a piano recital by Mrs. O'Hern which was
thoroughly enjoyed, the music ranging
from grave to gay, from lively to severe.
At this juncture the guests adjourned to
the dining room where delicious punch
and cake was served. "The little summer
shower that liad lasted quite an hour"
most obligingly ceased to allow the guests
to return home.
Mrs. Neff delightfully entertained the
Ladies' Whist Club Thurday, June 15th,
at the home of Mrs. Armistead. The afternoon
was all one could ask, and every
one was in good spirits. The score cards
were hearts and diamonds, each heart had
to find its diamond and all were as merry
as a marriage bell. There were five tables
and twelve games were played, Mrs.
Ramsdel proudly wearing away the club
brooch.
Refreshments were served of ice cream
and cake, and as usual enjoyed to the
fullest extent.
A prize was given the one scoring the
highest, which was a china plate with a
scene from beautiful Lake Hollinswortli
which fell to the lot of Mrs. Ramsdel.
Second prize was a china plate with a
scene from Lake Mirror and was won by
a guest, Miss Robison, and "booby" fell
to Mrs. Stevens.
Guests were: Mesdames Bennett
O'Hem, and Mrs. Neff, of Jacksonville;
Misses Decker, Robison, Scott, Ramsdel.
Pointed Paragraphs.
It takes a lot of salve to turn a human
crank.
Death loves a shining mark, and cupid
loves a soft one. !
. Every married man is in favor of a
heavy tax on bachelors.
He who laughs last laughs best, because
he knows what tickles him.
An average man is generous to a fault
?if it doesn't belong to other men.
Ignorance -would be more blissful if it
1.1. A. f..i_
was ame iu reeugmse na unsaiumess.
People who attend to their own busi-,
iness have but little time fbr criticising
others.
There isn't much hope for a man who
will lie when the truth would do just as
well.
A man may be all his wife thinks he is,
but he is seldom what he thinks himself
to be.
When a woman plays whist she
measures out the cards as if she were
going to make a pudding.
There is much to be said on both sides
when a woman attempts to write a letter
on a single sheet of paper.
It is easier to pay women compliments
than it is to argue with them?also more
satisfactory to all parties concerned.
It sometimes happens that a man who
poses as a social lion before marriage
looks very much like a truck horse
afterward.?Chicago News.
A Greenville woman who was converted
in a religious revival meeting in
Asheville sent a merchant $1 that she had
owed him for 11 years. We wish some
people in this section could get this
brand of religion.
three Hearts beat as one.
Man With Two Hearts Sells Them for $15,000
and Will Wed.
Rome, June 28.?King Victor Emmanuel
and Queen Helena today received a
man named Giuseppe Demaggio, from
Barletta, who is said to have two hearts.
The Anatomical Museum of Madrid will
receive Demaggio's body after death,
having paid him $15,000 for it. He is
about to take a wife to share his good
fortune.
A Precocious Boy.
An instance of the application of a precocious
knowledge of the law by a child
occurred in a Parisian school last January.
In France education is obligatory,
but the law cannot compel children to remain
at school after the age of 13. This
law, needless to remark, is usually a dead
letter) but on the occasion in question, a
pupil suddenly got up in the middle of a
lesson, gathered up his books, placed them
neatly in his desk, took up his hat and
moved toward the door. "Where are you
going?" asked the teacher, with a certain
amount of acerbity. "Sir," replied the
boy, with irritating nonchalance, "I was
13 years of age 4 minutes ago, and you
have no longer any right to keep me at
school." :
-t ?
Swearing and Affirming.
Judge Shelby, of Alabama, according
to the Buffalo Commercial, was once talkiDg
about the difference between swearing
and affirming. "Whatever the difference
is," he said, "it is assuredly not what a
certain old colored man understood it to
be last week. This colored man entering
the witness box, said he thought he
thought he would just affirm. 'Erastus,' I
said, 'how is this? A month ago, when
you appeared before me, you consented
readily enough to swear. Why is it that
you will only affirm now?' 'Well, yo,
honoh,' said Erastus, 'de reason am dat I
specks I ain'tquite so sure about de facts
o' dis case as I wus o' de odder.' "
Watery Help *
A man telephoned to the Coates House,
Kansas City, asking the clerk, George
Mong, if D. M. Pond was employed there.
Mr. Mong turned to W. E. Gardner, the
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question. Gardner looked in the book to
see. "No," he replied, "no Pond here;
but we have Dick Rivers in the kitchen ?
and Charlie Waters in the engine room.
Will they do?"
Hence Those Tears.
A lady who complained to her milkman
of the quality of milk he sold her, says
Harper's Weekly, received the following
explanation:
"You see, mum, they don't get enough ^
grass feed this time o' year. Why, them
cows o' mine are just as sorry about it as
I am. I often see 'em cryin?regular
cryin', mum?because they feel as how their
milk don't do them credit. Don't
you believe it, mum?"
"Oh, yes, I believe it," responded his
customer, "but I wish in future you'd see
that they don't drop their tears into our.
can."
Sure He Was a Sinner.
Twenty-five or thirty years ago the Rev.
Charles G. Finney, former president of
Oberlin College, was carrying on a series .
of revival meetings in Boston. One day
a gentleman called to see him on business
and was admitted by Mr. Finney's daughter,
perhaps 5 years old.
"No," replied the demure maiden, "but
walk in, poor, dying sinner! Mother can
pray for you!"
An Optimistic Philosopher.
Peter Gibbs had never known wealth,
says the Youth's Companion, but on the
other hand, he had never felt the prick of
poverty. This, some people said, was be- *
cause he was constitutionally impervious
to pricks of any sort.
"Having a hard time to get along this
winter?" asked an interested neighbor,
who came upon Mr. Gibbs sunning him*
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"Why, no," said Peter, cheerfully, "I've .
the promise of some woodsawing down to
Mis' Rand's when I get round to it, and
my wife she's got a promise of some washing
when her rheumaticks are better, and
my boy's most fifteen, and we expect he'll
be teaching district school in two or three
years, and Aunt Mary has just written t'
say I can wait another year before paying
that six-fifty I've been under obligations
for since she was here a few years back.
Take it by and large, I'm feeling pretty
forehanded."
Getting a Loan.
George W. Perkins is credited with
this story, says the New York Times. A
certain banker with whom he is well
acquainted was sitting at his desk the
other day when a well known broker
came in on business. The broker was
carrying a little handbag, and he seemed
in a great hurry. "I want to borrow a
million," he exclaimed before he had
even taken a chair. The banker, though
a man of long experience with many men,
was a bit taken by surprise. "A million
dollar loan is not such a small matter,"
he replied, "sit down and we'll talk it
over. Let me take your bag." "Not on
your life," interrupted the broker: "I've
already got three million in there." And
he opened the bag tc convince the banker,
who made no further delay in granting
the loan.

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