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Daily evening bulletin. [volume] (Maysville [Ky.]) 1881-1882, February 09, 1882, Image 1

Image and text provided by University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86069124/1882-02-09/ed-1/seq-1/

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I Never Laughed so Much in my Life
The Comedy Success of the Season
The Great New York and Boston Success
ths immensely
Illustrated by the same Magnificent Comedy
Company that made such a tremendous hit
in New York Baltimore Cleveland Wash
ington Boston Montreal Detroit
Reserved Seats for Sale at
fice News Depot
i ii
The Forks
A silver fork by somo mistake was
placed on a kitchen table beside a steel
fork In vain it tried to edge away It
was helpless At length the steel fork
said Good morning cousin
41 Cousin indeed 1 indignantly an
swered the silver fork I wonder when
we became cousins Who was your
father I cant think what made that
stupid servant throw me down here in
such society
44 Well said the steel fork 4 perhaps
we are not cousins but wo have the
same name I heard the girl call you
Pork and that is what lam called
too We resemble one another in form
but there is a difference in color and
real quality
44 Who was your father or grand
father asked the silver fork copying
after some people I know of
44 My fathers name is Iron When ho
united in matrimony with Miss Carbon
they took the name of Steel
44 Why that is not proper for both to
change their names interrupted the
silver fork
44 Yes it is both proper and common
with us I dont think it is fair to mako
the lady change her name unless the
gentleman does as much 1 believe in
equal rights The Iron family is a very
large one and somo of us are found
every where among civilized people
44 Oh I dare say your family is a very
common one and you servo common
people Ours is not so large that every
body is handling us but we are found
with the rich and refined people In
deed we are prized so highly that all
manner of care is taken of us to protect
us from thieves Why you could lie on
this table year in and year out and no
one would steal you for you are worth
At this the steel fork became indig
nant and said
44 1 would like to know what the world
would do without us Look around this
room and see how many articles we help
to form stove kettles frying pans flat
irons and many other useful things too
numerous to mention Nor is the kitchen
the only room we are found in I cant
think of a room in this house that is
without some part of our family We
even enter certain medicines and give
strength to suffering humanity
44 Well certainly you ought to be use
ful if you cant be ornamental said the
silv4r fork proudly 44But condes
cendingly 44 perhaps you would like tq
know something about the Silver family
since you have been so good as to tell
me about yours I cant stop to tell you
the whole history for I expect any
minute to be taken to the sink for my
bath A part of our illustrious family
live under the ground and so anxious
are people to possess us that they dig
for a long time and deprive themselves
of almost everything knowing that when
they get us we mako up for all lost com
forts I have heard my father tell how
we were first discovered in South America
A man was chafing a deer up a steel
hill and in order to help himself up ho
caught hold of a bush that grow on the
slope as he did so the bush came out
and at the roots he saw something shin
ing it was silver Instead of taking it
ho went and told his neighbor who
hastened to the spot and took it all
44 How interesting Pray go on It
must have been a long time ago for no
man nowadays would tell his neighbors
before ho had looked out for number
one said the steel fork
44 1 cant tell you any mure for hero
comes my mistress she cant do without
me any longer She will put me in my
beautiful couch and hide me in a drawer
How much she thinks of me
The lady of the house came and say
ing 4I Here is the missing fork took it
zxzr7 but not to hide it in a clrpov
Tno steel lork Jienru tno Kiccnon Jgirj8
talking about a change that had taken
place in the family Their master had
failed in business and to meet the de
mands of his creditors was going to sell
his house and part of his furniture and
live on a smaller scale His wife gladly
denied herself all luxuries desiring tc
share his losses as she hud shared his
good fortune The silver ware was to be
sold at a second hand store
44 These steel forks were my dear
mothers I am sure they are good
enough for us They are useful and
that is all I want said the lady
44 How happy the world might be
thought the steel fork if there were
more people like her I She is 4 true at
steel9 Interior
The Old New Yorjc Journalists
There are not many of the old guards
of journalism left When I began life
in 1860 Bennett Greeley Raymond
Bryant Hallock were the chiefs in the
synagogue Dana Hurlbut Halpine
Wilson Hudson and the Swintons were
just behind them Connery was report
ing Beid was writing letters Young was
reporting Marble was assisting Godwin
Bundy was reporting and the great
army of active men now the brains and
virility of the press were studying their
A B Cs Where be they now Not ono
editor-in-chief then in power is alive to
day Every ono has departed The
column rules have been turned time and
again Eulogies have been preached
leaders have blazoned their virtues and
Btate funerals have carried what is face
tiously termed their 44 remains to their
ultimate destination Mr Bennett was
the only one who attained a good old
age The fact is that as no caudle can
last long with a wick at both ends so no
man who works day and night 3G5 days
and 365nights in every year can expect
to keep pace with the ordinary chap who
goes to bed at ten and gete up for work
at seven Yet who would exchange his
Bhort and active life with its fifty year
terminus for the existence led by many
men down to an eightieth or even a
ninetieth year Not I for odo I dont
believe in 44a short life and a merry
one necessarily but I do believe in
an active pushing driving steam-enginery
kind Qi a gait which keeps abreast
of the age and enables one to see and
know and be part and parcel of all there
is to appreciate When I began to
write twenty one years ago Hurlbut
and Swinton Wilson and Hudson looked
venerable and decrepit but they were
not Hudson was killed on a railroad by
a train that upset his carriage He was
a pensioner to the annual tune of 10000
on the JlcralcVs list He was considered
a great newspaper man but I imagine if
ho could be suddenly rehabilitated and
put back in Connerys chair he would bo
impotent and nerveless Where he spent
ten dollars in I860 the Herald spends a
hundred and fifty What would ho
think of electric bells ten thousand
words by cable the pneumatic tubo
which drops the telegraphic sheets on
the very desk of the night editor But
he is gone So is Wilson so far as jour
nalism is concerned Hurlbut I saw to
day The gay and graceful courtier is
merged in the gracious merchant for
that is all there is left of the old time
man about town whose wit was pro
verbial Swinton doesnt improve in
looks as he advances in years The as
sumed oddities of his middle life have
become confirmed peculiarities in his
old age and his girth physical is some
thing marvelous Each of these men had
a degree of talent but none of them ever
touched the plane on which stood their
chiefs Howard in Philadelphia

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