BRUCE CHAMP, Publisher.
THE WESTERN SCHOOLMA'AM.
Not bashful, nor yet overbold.
And only twenty-two;
With hair like threads of gleaming- gold,
With eyes of azure-blue;
With little hands, with pretty face,
Just tanned a healthful brown-She
istho daisy of the place.
The flower of all the town.
With Mndls' words, with friendship Trarm,
In aprons white and clean,
The children swarm about her form
Like bees about their queen.
By love she moves and sways their hearts;
They think her wondrous wise.
And all her gracious acts and arts
Seem perfect in their eyes.
No smiles to them seem half as sweet,
No frowns so hard to bear, . .
No looks of pity so complete,
As those her features wear;
No voice more dear than hers to hear,
In poetry or prose; -.
No praise more pleasant to the ear
Than that which she bestows.
The village-boys, when she goe3 by,
Can scarcely speak or stir ;
She is the object of each eye;
They fairly worship her.
Like some sweet fairy-sprite she seems,
A breath might blow away
The spirit of their midnight-dreams, -
Their idol ail the daj
She draws the.m to the village-church"
Far more than sermon strong.
With anxious eyes the choir they search;
They look at her and long.
And, when with splendid voice she sings,
They lose their heads in love;
Their feverish fancies float on wings
Beyond the clouds above. ,- .
The grave old fathers of the town ' '"
Gaze with admiring eyes, . t ;-. i
When like ah angel she comes down,
They cannot hide their sighs.
The buxom wives, with glances sour.
Soon lead them from the place;
For they are jealous of her power.
And envious of her face.
Her soul is like a sparkling brook
That babbles on its way
.Through sunnj' fields, through shady nook,
By banks with blossoms gay.
All day, at school, with patient grace
She rules the noisy crowd;
Then homeward walks with happy face,
And soul without a-cloud.
In simple hat of plaited straw,
In tasteful muslin gown,
Her handsome face and form I saw
While passing through the town.
I watched her. while she sweetly smiled,
When childrc were dismissed;
I wished I were once more, child,
A cherub to be kissed!
Eugene J. Hall, in Cliicago Tribune.
THREE LITTLE EMIGRANTS.
Near the little German village of
Neiderdorf lived a man whose name
was Herman Abt. His wife Ursula,
worked with her husband to till their
small strip of garden-land, and took
care of the cottage home and the children.
They were an industrious, happy
family, yet sometimes the father seemed
troubled; and when Ursula would ask
him why he sat so silent and sad by the
fireside, he would reply:
"It is about the children I am think-
But Ursula knew that the children
and potatoes, and now and then a bit of
meat; their clothes were warm and
clean, and their wooden-soled shoes
such as other peasant children wore.
Besides, they were rosy and merry and
stout. Ulrich was ten years old' Already
he could take the vegetables to
market in his dog-cart, and no boy
in the parish school was as bright as he.
What, then, could trouble the heart of
One frosty December night Ulrich
came from the village with a letter in
the pocket of his blouse. It was not often
that messages from the great,
bustling world came to the peaceful cottage,
and wife and children drew curiously
around the table while Hermann
broke the seal.
A "It is from Hans Schaffcr, who went
to seek his fortune in America," he
The letter was slowly read aloud. It
told of prosperity in the New World,
and promised help if -Hermann and
Ursula would come to Illinois to make a
home as he had done.
Ursula laughed at the thought.
"Ach, nein!" she exclaimed, "we
.shall'stay, in the Fatherland. Are we
not quite comfortable and happy now?"
Then she carried her two little girls
off to bed, and told them a story of a
naughty child whostuck her finger in an
unbaked Christmas cake and could not
pull it out again!
But the father did not sleep that night,
and all the next day he worked as if he
were dreaming. And so, indeed, he
was. He was dreaming of a land of
foreign speech and foreign customs,
where industry was bountifully rewarded;
where freedom was more of a
tact than a theory; where the bondage
of caste was broken; where his Ulrich,
who loved his books, might become
a great man; where Elsie and little
Gretchen might live a broader life than
their simple-hearted mother had ever
dreamed of. After two days the doting
father told his boy the dream.
"My child," he" said, for a long year
I have been trying to decide now it is
done. The mother and I must go to
America. As soon as we find work and
get a bit of a home and gold enough,
thou, shalt bring the little sisters to us
over the seas. Americans are friendly
to strangers, and the dear God will care
Ulrich was glad and confident. But
alas! for poor Ursula! The mother-heart
was well-nigh broken at the
thought of leaving her children, her
home and native land. Yet soon she,
too, began to be eager to verify the
promises of the New World, and between
smiles and tears the decisive
letter was written. Their simple preparations
were soon made. February
came, and brought the parting day.
Ulrich, Elsie and Gretchen were to remain
with their Aunt Katrina.
"It shall not be long, my children,"
said the father, with quivering lips, as
he lifted little Gretchen in his arms.
"No, no; it shall not be long," sobbed
poor Ursula, with tears pouring down
her cheeks.' "It shall be before the
for we will work da
and night, and save every groschen to
' ,. .
The months in the . New World went
swiftly by. "At first the language and
customs seemed very hard to underT
stand, but day by day, with unflagging
industry, the father and mother toiled
and studied. Hans Sehafer, true-to, his
Dromiso, had found work for his friends
with a gardener, . where Hermann's
strength' and skill . and Ursula's faithfulness
soon won the confidence and
regard of .their employer.
One d Mr., Martin-came upon the.
pleasant-faced German woman bendinjr
over a bed of lettuce, with one hand
busily pulling up the weeds, with the
other brushing the tears from her eyes.
She was talking softly to herself. He
stopped, and Ursula, looking up suddenly,
saw a kind but curious gaze fixed
She began to tell her story, half in
English, half in the mother-tongue, but
with an artless pathos more eloquent
"Hermann makes toys by night," 3he
added, "and I knit stockings and shawls
to sell to the Germans in Milwaukee.
But the children will not be here for the
Christmas festival! The money comes
too slowly, though Hermann drinks no
more a glass of beer, but puts the money
in the box for the children."
From that day money came faster
to the strangers. There were ready purchasers
for the German toys, and they
brought a larger price than in the home
markets. Soon they were settled in a
cozy little home with four rooms, and
by the middle of September, with Mr.
Martin's" help, the father sent the tickets
and the money for the children's long
If you could only have seen the glad
faces, if you could only have heard the
glad shouts when the package came!
You would know then surely that the
hearts of German children are just as
easier and loving as those of American
Aunt Katrina's home would be very
lonely without them, .she said. And how
could such little folksgo so far alone ?-But
there was a letter for the Captain
and money for warm clothing and tickets
to bring them all the way to
where the father and mother
were working and waiting for them.
"We are not afraid to trust Ulrich
with his sisters," wrote the father. The
boy grew nianly and strong in spirit as
with glowing eyes he read tLose words.
So Aunt Katrina gave the three children
into the care of the genial German
Captain. Then she put in dear little
Gretchen's hands a tiny Testament to
carryall the way. On the fig-leaf were
written the names and ages ox the children,
where they came from and where
they wished to go for Aunt Katrina
was a sensible woman and these words
"Jesus said, whosoever shall give to
one of these little ones a cup of cold water
only, he shall in no wise lose his reward."
And now came the long, long voyage
of sixteen days. Passengers and crew
were kind to the Captain's little friends.
Many a happy hour they passed on
deck, watching the waves and listening
to the songs of the sailors. Sometimes
the odd little group would be seen
nestled in the shelter of the cabin,
Gretchen fast asleep with her curl' head
against her brother's shoulder, and the
Testament tightly clasped in her hand.
When a storm came and the good ship
rolled heavily in the trough of the black
billows, Ulrich was fearless and cheerful.
He told the sisters fairy tales, and
watched by their box-like berth every
night till the biff, blue eves were fast
closed in sleep.
New York Citv looked like a new
world to these simple peasant children.
There were forests of masts, and great
ocean steamships and crowded steam
ferry-boats. A multitude of Americans
were waiting to welcome long-absent
friends. There was laughing and crying
and shouting and motioning.
"I see my papa! I see my papa!"
exclaimed little Elsie all at once, as the
ship drew slowly near the crowded pier.
"No, no, Elsie! I see that man, too,
but it is not our papa. Oh, I wish it
"But it is!"
No, it was the father of the little German
boy who had played with them
during the voyage, and who had come
with his mother from Berlin. It made
our little folks cry for joy and envy to
see him welcome his child. But Ulrich
quickly brushed away his tears.
"Do not cry, sisters," he said.
"After two days more we shall see him,
and the mother, too."
So they watched the passengers leave
the ship, watched the custom-house
officers inspecting the luggage, and by-and-by,
when the November twilight
was fading into night, and the great
city was all aglow with lights, came
their kind Captain.
"Come now, my children," he said,
cheerily. "To-night you shall stay
with me. To-morrow I shall start you
off for Germania."
Tightly holding each other's hands
they followed him down the half-deserted
pier to a carriage which was waiting
for him. A steward followed with
their box and the Captain's hand-bag,
and soon they were rolling through the
Sitting on those soft cushions the little
emigrants gazed about them in
wondering, awe-struck silence. Surely
they had sailed away into fairyland!
They were a prince and princesses riding
in a crimson chariot through streets
paved with precious stones to the door
of a splendid palace!
A colored servant put the children to
bed. Poor little Gretchen cried for
fright. She had never seen a negro before.
In the morning the Captain took
them to the Chicago express. They
kissed his hand gratefully when he bade
And still our wanderers were in fairyland.
A wonderful river, the like of
which they had never seen, flowed between
steep Avails, and there were
palaces and gardens, and trees whose
leaves were crimson and gold, and
across the water, great shaggy
mountains appeared, the nome ot goblins
Now, with all this care, their friend
the Captain had not provided these
children with food. The little girls
were very hungry when the . train
reached Albany, and Ulrich wanted to
leave the car to buy bread. But both
Elsie and Gretchen held him back with
"What is the matter, children?"
as.ked a pretty American lady in the
next seat. She spoke in very broken
German, but she understdod when Ulrich
.answered for his sisters that they
j were hungry. ., .
'Come with me, "-she said, and they
hastened from the car. She showed the
boy how to buy some sandwiches and
cakes, and had her silver cup filled
with, milk for Gretchen; then back they
hurried just ns the train was starting.
Ulrich and Elsie told her their
story, and Gretchen showed her book,
and seated by her new friend's side, ate
the first orange she had ever tasted.
The night was long and dreary to the
faithful brother. The kind lady was
gone. Hour after hour he watched his
sleeping sisters, determined not to close
his eyes. Two rough men behind them
snored and grumbled. Ulrich did not
like them. But as the morning light
began at last to steal through the windows
weariness overpowered him, and
he slept heavily.
Suddenly Gretchen's cries awakened
"Oh, Ulrich! Ulrich!"
One of those bad men had been trying
to steal the children's little bag of
money. The brave boy sprang to his
feet with flashing eyes. Just then the
German brakeman entered the par to
put out the lights. He heard the boy's
story and summoned the conductor, who
ordered the men out of the car. .
At' Cleveland Ulrich left his sisters to
buy breakfast. Scarcely had he reached
the lunch-room when the train backed
up and came into the station on quite a
different track. Elsie and Gretchen
were sadly frightened. They ran to
the platform of the car to jump off and
find Ulrich. But the brakeman came
again to their help and led them back
to their seats.
"I will find the brother," he said.
"We have yet fiftenn minutes. You
must stay here."
But Ulrich was not so easily found.
He had quickly bought, the food, and as
soon as he could get a cup of milk,
started back to his sisters. But the
train had disappeared. He ran wildly
up and down, spilling the milk, and
asking everywhere for Elsie and Gretchen.
At last, seeing a train just starting,
he climbed upon it, supppsing it,
must be the one he sought. Slowly
they moved out of the station.
Ulrich rushed from car to car, hugging
his parcel of food and calling:
"Wo ist Elsie? Wo sind die
"Where are you going, my boy?"
asked an old gentleman with a beautiful
white beard. He spoke in German
to the bewildered child.
I have lost my little sisters. We are
going to the parents in Germania."
"You are .on the wrong train!" exclaimed
the man. The bell was rung:
he train w as stopped. The boy leaped
off, his beautiful brown eyes shining
with gratitude and hope. "Hun along
the track. Tell evervbody 'Chicago
Train P Run!"
How he ran! J?he kind brakeman had
told the conductor about the missing
brother, and the train for Chicago was
waiting still, but puffing and snorting
as if impatient of deltty.
The boy dashed into the station,
breathlessly shouting, "Chicago train!"
"This way!" "Over there!" "Run!"
"You're too late!" cried the people. But
Ulrich saw only the steaming train, the
two little faces in an open window, saw
them begin to move away, leaped on
board at the last second, and away they
"I didn't lose the cakes, but the milk
is all spilled!"
Ulrich was the hero of the car. Several
passengers interested themselves is
the three little waifs, and Gretchen's
book was passed from hand to hand.
All that dav there was no lack of food
and care and entertainment.
The Captain had telegraphed to Hermann
Abt, and their lather's shining
face greeted the children when the train
There were joyful hearts in. one laborer's
cottage that dull 'November night.
A hundred questions, interrupted by
kisses; a hundred answers choked with
embraces; and when at last their tired
little ones slept hand-in-hand, the happy
father and mother sat and gazed on
their sweet faces, and, looking in each
other's eyes, thanked the dear God.
"They are here before the blessed
Christmas-time!" said Ursula. The
Parcels by Mail,
The parcel feature, which has recently
been added to the postal system in
Great Britan and Ireland, is an attempt
to perform in that country a service
which in this is done almost entirely by
the express system, the difference being
that the parcel arrangement does the
work a great deal cheaper. Any package
not longer than three feet six inches,
and of no more than seven pourvls
weight, if secured with cords, may be
sent by mail at a cost of six cents for
one pound, twelve cents for three pounds,
eighteen cents for five pounds, and
twenty-four cents for seve pounds. Payment
must be made in advance and by
stamps. The parcels, on arriving at
their destination in large towns, are
taken in vans and delivered at the door
of dwellings or business houses, just as
express packages are in this country.
Regular mail matter has the preference
over them in the delivery, but it is
thought when the system gets to working
smoothly the delivery will be almost
if not quite as prompt as with letters.
The system was very liberally patronized
the first day it went into operation,
showing its adaption to the wants of the
people. Samples of goods, presents,
jars of butter, conserves, eggs, groceries,
meat, vegetables and clothing were
among the articles sent. Boxes are being
made expressly for the business, and
there is every prospect that it will increase
till meat, eggs, provisions and
various articles of household supply will
be transmitted through the postal system
directly to consumers. We have a
somewhat similar system in this country,
but the limit weight of parcels is four
pounds, and the charges are nearly foui
times as great. St. Louis Republican
One day recently a number of Hdye
Park (N. Y.) young men went out on a
clam-bake expedition to Esopus Island.
Their boat was not secured properly,
and it floated away with the tide. In thf
afternoon it rained heavily, and the
party made tracks for their boat, to find
it goue. It was too far to swim home
They huddled together like a lot of disconsolate
fowls and remained on fchi
island all night. It rained several timej
betore morning, when they were takez
off by a passing boat. N, F. News.
The Frince of Montenegro has just ordered
that in future all titles shall be
abolished. The Montenegrins were always
a democratic race. But they have
three orders of knighthood and such
frequent changes of ministers and other
great functionaries that nearly every individual
is a ritter or a chevalier, and
fully half the male population are entitled
to the designation "excellency. " A Montenegrin
"excellency" is almost as
"cheap" as a Liberian "honorable,"
and is regarded with about as much respect
as was accorded to Haytian dukes
during the reign of Soulque, or
sippi major generals before the civil war.
Henceforth, however, even Veyevodes
must rest content with plain monsieur,
and brigadiers bear as best they can the
absence of the customary "excellency"
before their official grade. After all,
the little principality of Nicholas
will be nothing the worse, and, indeed,
all the better, for the reformation,
in so far that it will be saved something
in time and clerk hire. Titles, as rewards
for services rendered the State,
need not be here discussed, for, though
the kingdom of Norway has abolished
and the republic of France does not officially
recognize them, we have still to
learn that any Norseman declines the
badge of the Polar Star, while only recently
President Grevy, finding the
Legion of Honor insufficient for the purpose
of good government, has been
compelled to found a second grade of
chivalry in order to soothe the vanity of
the rural Republicans. Even those exponents
of human rights who are considered
too humble tor either baldron
would be offended were they not styled
"monsieur" and "madam," the
and "citoyenne" of earlier days
being now reserved by irreconcilables
for public occasions only.
"Monsieur" and "madam" are, we
imagine, never likely to be entirely
abandoned, for only two years ago the
French waiters and chambermaids issued
an edict that in future they should
be addressed not as "Pierre," or
or "garcon," or "Marie," but
as "monsieur" and "mademoiselle;"
and perhaps some day the laundress
will decline to wash a shirt unless she
is entitled "Mme. la Blanchisseuse,"
and that if the coachman is addressed
under any other title than "M. le
Cocher" he will feel himself under articles
to avenge the wrongs of his order.
Nor is this unreasonable. Time was
when "monsieur" was a title which in
France possessed something of the dignity
which it still possesses among the
Norman population of the channel
islands, and even in England the wife of
a knight or a baronet, who is by courtesy
"my lady," is in reality and legally
only "ma dame." But for the
last half-century at least monsieur has
ceased to be any more distinctive than
"esquirje" in "England, "senor" or
"don" in Spain, "signor" in Italy,
in Portugal, "herr" in Germany,
or, we might add, than "colonel" or
"judge" in the Western States of America.
Ift England, even within the memory
of men still living, the old distinctions
of "mister" and "esquire" were to
some degree preserved. A gentleman
entitled to "bear arms" an "armiger"
had alone the right to the latter designation,
though by courtesy it "was extended
to every land owner and justice
of the peace, and in New England the
latter functionary is to this day styled
an "esquire" or "squire," though the
Americans have dropped the redundant
"worship" still claimed by our municipal
magistrates. Then esquire was extended
to every professional man,
though legally it is in this country confined
to the sons of the younger sons of
dukes and marquesses and their eldest
sons, to the eldest sons of baronets and
knights, to all the untitled sons of noblemen,
to justices of the peace, officers
of the army and navy, barristers, and
doctors of law and medicine. It is not
the right of surgeons or attorneys, and,
curiously enough, does not necessarily
belong to landed proprietors. In some
old books the distinction is carefully
kept up in. the prefatory list of subscriber?,
the misters and esquires being
divided into separate categories. Even
in the body of the text the "armiger" is
always mentioned under his title; while
until recently it was not regarded as a
clumsy pleonasm to address a letter to
"His Worship the Honorable Algernon
Deuceace, Esq., J. P.," just as a foreigner
who prides himself on his knowledge
of English etiquette always insists
on appending "Esq." to every Briton's
name, no matter what may be its immediate
Mister, or master, has lost all its
original meaning. It no longer expresses
power or possession, and even
as a conventional superfluity has sunk
so low that it is almost entirely reserved
for familiar conversation or for referring
to a person in writing, almost every one
above the trade of a laborer or petty
tradesman regarding it as little better
than an insult to be addressed on the
back of a letter by the title of plain
"Mr." In Germany it is the same.
"Herr" is no longer "lord," and to be
acceptable must usually be qualified by
"well bora," or even "high well born."
In like manner "frau" and fraulein,"
"frue" and "froken," which in the
North were the titles of "people, of
quality," are now the ordinary designations
of those who fifty years ago would
have been content with his trade as a
"handle to his name," while his wife
and daughter would never have expect-Bd
any other designation except that by
which they were baptised, or at best
"madam" or "jomfrue." In Spain
"senor" or "senora" are of universal
application, and though in Portugal
"don" is strictly reserved for the royal
family, the Spaniard not stvled "don,"
Dr his wife "donna," would be justly
offended. So in the new world the profession
of republicanism does not present
every mongrel from Mexico to
Ponta Arenas, being addressed somewhat
tautologically as "senor don." In
Germany and Belgium nobility of a
aominal description is becoming so common
that titles, unless of a very unequivocal
description, are being gradually
abandoned. "We call everybody a
baron," the waiter explained to a departing
guest, "who tips us a pfennig;"
ind in Denmark it is almost equivalent
to a personal affront to ask any one
Ebove the rank of a country schoolmaster
if he is a "kammerraad" or
sourt councilor. Yet, by one of those
fatalisms, from which the fountain of
( honoris not exempt, the truculent title
of "Kriegsraad," or' wtar;. councilor, is
usually borne by the mildest of village
apothecaries. It is the same with our
"esquire" and "mister." Anybody can
bear arms, and, for the matter of that,
does so, without troubling the College
of Heralds; and except thatsomptimes,
in addressing a letter to one's tailor or
butcher, there may be a doubt whether
he should be called" bv the first or the
p.ptfond title all distinction between the"
two has been lost, and it is perfectly
certain that to neither attaches the
smallest tittle, ofhonor. Theypnly,
puzzle the intelligent foreigner. He
cannot understand -why "sir'" before a
Christian name is a title, while "Mr."
is not. It puzzles hkn to grasp why
"Sir Jones, Esq.," is wrong, why "dear
sir" is right, and "dear mister" vulgar.
Why not save ourselves useless trouble,
and strangers endless blunders, by
dropping both the designations, just as
in America the republicanism which
was so long tempered by "honorable"
and "colonel" is rapidly reconciling
itself to plain "Hannihal T. Smith,
without either the prefix of "mister" or
the affix of "esquire." London News.
Didn'fc Mean Him.
"Take a square look at me!" he commanded
as he halted in front of a
policeman on Michigan avenue yesterday.
The policeman looked him all over.
He was a pretty good chunk of a man,
carrying a florid face, a prominent nose,
and an air of general innocence.
"I don't see anything wrong about
you," said the officer.
"Do my clothes fit? Do I wobble
when I walk? Do I wipe my mouth on
my coat-tails? Does the sight ofme,
remind you of cabbage and other green
"Well, no. You look to me like an
honest good-natured fellow."
"Then," said the ' stranger as he
brought his fist down with a thump,
"there's going: to be bloodshed in the
town. I came in this morning with an
excursion. We had scarcely landed
When a man called out: '"Did you
bring along that keow?' 'Did you mean
that for me?' says I. He said be didn't,
and I passed onl"
"He might not."
"Then, as I was going up the street,
a chap in a door says he: "Ah! smell
the carrot crop!' 'Do you mean that
for me?' says I as I walks up to him.
He says he didn't and I passed on,"
"I presume he didn't."
"Well, I got up to Griswold street,
and I was looking for the Postoflice, and
a man calls out: 'I'll bet he brought
along raw onions and turnips for his
dinner!' 'Do you mean that for me?'
says I as I "walks up to him. He say.t
he didn't, and I passed on."
"He must have referred to some one
"Well, I walked through the Post-office
and started for the City Hall, and
was almost there when a young fellow
in the door of a barber shop calls out:
'There goes the biggest cabbage-head
of the season!" 'Do you mean that for
me?' says I as I walks up to him. He
says he didn't and I passed on."
"He could not have meant you."
"Well, as I was walking through the
City Hall a great big overgrown chap
sings out through his nose: 'Behold the
second crop ot dandelions! "Oh, my!'
'Do you mean that for me?' says I as I
walks up to him. He said he didn't,
and I jmssed on."
"Mebbe so, but you look a-here! I'm
going down to the ferry dock. The
first man or boy who calls out carrots,
pumpkins, onions, turnips, scare-crow,
green-horn, pig-weed or hucklebery
blossom to me won't have no chance to
lie about it. I'll turn on him and rend
him, and slay him and hammer him
stone blind! Mebbe nobody means
anything, and mabbe its simply their
way, but I've got my dander up, and if
you hear a roaring sound like a cyclone
you may know that I'm climbing for a
man who has called out 'summer
squash!' to me!" Detroit Free Press.
Explosive Roast Beef.
We were tying down along the Rappahannock
some time in the "fall of 1863,
when Andy said one day: "Look here,
Harry; let's have some roast beef once.
I'm tired of this everlasting frying and
frizzling, and my mouth waters for a
good roast. And I've just learned how
to do it, and I tell you it was a success!
You see, take your chunk of beef and
wrap it up in a cloth or newspaper, and
then get some clay and cover it thick, all
over with the clay, until it looks like a
big forty-pound cannon-ball; and then
you put it in among the red-hot coals,
and it bakes hard like a brick; and
when it's done, you simply crack the
shell off, and out come your roast, just
We at once set to work, and all went
well enough till Corporal Harter-came
along. While Andy was off looking for
more clay, and I was looking after more
paper, Harter fumbled around our beef,
saying he didn't believe we could roast
it that way.
"Just you wait, now," said Andy,
coming in with the clay; "we'll show
So we covered our beef thickly with
tough clay, and rolled the great ball
into the camp-fire, burying it among
the hot ashes and coals, and sat down
to watch it, while the rest of the boys
were boiling their coffee and frying their
steaks for dinner. The fire was a good
one, and there were about a dozen black
tin cups dangling on as many
their "several owners lounging
about in a circle, when, all of a sudden,
with a terrific bang! amid a shower of
sparks and ashes, the coffee-boilers were
scattered to right and left, and a dozen
quarts of coffee sent hissing and sizzling
into the fire and our poor roast
beef was a sorry-looking mess indeed
when we picked it out of the general
We always believed that Harter had
somehow smuggled a cartridge into
that beef of ours while our backs were
turned. Harry M. Kicffer, in St. Nicholas.
Dr. Holmes once said: "Our biains
are seventy year clocks. The anel of
life winds them up once for allf then
closes the case and gives the key into
the hand of the resurrection." That
maybe why a. man of eighty is apt to
iuw ' """ i uu. uuwn, remarKs an
cenenan. N. Y. Commercial Advertiser,
,0F GENERAL INTEREST.
A Mrs. Knapp, of Philadelphia, a.
-rammer visitor at ueai .tseacn, js. j
has. erected a life-saving station at that
point at her own expense.
A Massachusetts man who jyas sent
to"Sate'Prisonwfor'iifes' for kicking hi3
wife to death has had a stroke ,of paralysis
and lost the use of the leg with
The way in which the world'skips
for ever' man to be his own majesty or
everybody's lackey. These be times
that try men's souls for one extreme or
the other. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The three-year-old -daughter of
Gharles Brittain, a miner, of Lykens,
Pa., climbed up the side of a pig-pen and
put her head through an opening to look,
at the swine. Her feet slipped, and she
hung until she died of strangulation.
The Judge of a local court in
France has been suspended for two
years "for undignified behaviour in his
profession." The principal charge
against him seems to be that he was in
the habit of smoking a pipe in the corridors
of the court house. N. Y
A stampede of Texas steers in the
streets of New Orleans a few days ago
made lively work for the police. Several
men, two mules, and two horses were
badly gored. The number of steers was
estimated at about twenty, but, an account
says, they scattered over the city
so quicklyand doubled on their tracks
so often that there seemed to be
hundreds of the raging creatures at
large. N. O. Picayune.
The road agents who recently
robbed a coach in Montana ranged the
men in line with hands up and relieved
them of all their valuables. They then
passed a bottle of whisky and a box of
cigars, compelling each one to take a
drink and a smoke. One of the unfortunates
had never smoked a cisar in
his life, but under the persuasive and
urgent invitation of the gentlemanlv
robbers he lit his first cigar. Chicago
Mrs. Jane Farrinirton, a wealthy
widow of Westfield, Is'. Y., received a
call from a party of genteel burglars the
other night. They forced her to open
the safe, from which they took 500 in
cash and $3,000 in Government bonds.
When she beegged that some ancient
gold and silver pieces, which were
family relics, be returned, they gave
them to her with an apology for taking
them. They then courteously bade her
good night, expressing their regret that
their safety made it imperatively necessary
to leave her bound and also to gag
her. N. Y. Sun.
A specimen of the "monkey-faced
owl," a rare bird, was recently captured
by Captain Pitts, of Orlando, Fla., in
the Everglades. It is described as being
somewhat smaller than the hooting
owl. The plumage has the soft, furry
texture of the owl family, but a tingo
of orange enters into the color. The
head and face are those of a baboon,
the face being white, while the eyes are
much smaller than those of an owl of
the same size, coal-black, and somewhat
almond-shaped, opening and closing
with lids like those of an animal.
In fact they more nearly resemble the
eyes of an otter than a bird.
It is said that where a dollar's
worth of goods pass the Custom Houses
on the Niagara River, $1,000 worth are
smuggled, either one way or the other.
From Canada are smuggled butter,
spirituous liquors, and silks; in return
ov which the Americans smuggle iuio
Canada cheap jewelry, kerosene, and
innumerable products of Yankee ingenuity
cheaper here than there. The
smuggling is done at night in rowbc ts.
It is said that it would require at least
fifty night watchmen on ,the Niagara
River to prevent this traffic. Next to
the Niagara as a field for smuofirlers
comes the Detroit River. Detroit Pose,
Henry Packer, of Hartford, Conn.,
employed by the trainer of elephanta
with Barnum's show, was killed by the .
elephant Queen at Cincinnati. He had
not provoked the animal in any way,
but was at work, preparatory to , the
morning parade, when the monster suddenly
pinioned him with her great body
against the side of - the tableau car, and
remorselessly crushed the life out oi
him. The pressure was so violent that
the car was thrown over, and thus the
poor fellow was released. The trainer
says it is Only a proof of the sly, malicious
cunning of these beasts. He thinks
she saw an opportunity to do an injury
to Packer and embraced it. St. Louis
Lung, a Portland (Oregon) Chinaman,
abandoned the laundry business,
n which he had made some money, and
undertook to run a farm. He came
to town the other day looking a little
seedy. One of his okf patrons meeting
him, said: "Well, Lung, how did you
make it at farming?" Not muchea
good,'' replied Lung sadly, "I sow wheat
and bird he come catchee some. Byrne
by wheat grow up and plenty squirrel
come catch heap. Then leaping machine
come cut him and cost too much, and
when thasher man come, take all wheat
pay him, and his gang eat up my tlee
fat hog and cuss me "cause 1 not give
'em pie tlee time every day. I no likee
farm any more." Portland; Journal.
A Boy's Estimate of His Mother's Work.
"My mother gets me up, builds the
fire, and gets my breakfast, and sends
me off," said a bright youth. "Then
she gets my father up, and gets his
breakfast, and sends him off. Then she
gives the other children tiieir breakfast
and sends them to school; and then she
and "the baby have their breakfast."
"How old is the baby?" asked the reporter.
"O, she is 'most two. but she
can talk and walk as well ass anv of us."
"Are you well paid?" "I get $2 a
week, and father gets $2 a day." "How
much does your mother get?" With a
bewildered look the boy said: "Mother!
why, she don't work for anybody." "I
thought you said she worked for all of
3ou." "O yes, for us she does; but
there ain't no money into it."
Miss Minnie F. Hoyt, of Connecticut,,
enjoys the distinction of being the first
person appointed to a clerkship in the
Treasury Department under the opera
uon pi tne new civil service rules. W
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