Newspaper Page Text
FRIDAY, JANDARY 10, 1S19.
THE BOURBON - MEWS,, PAHIS- XEHtnCKY PROUD OF "LAST GOOD TALK" MV Little Jap Wreta His Record Hlfl"i no UMCa ooiuicr hwuiu Wish to Die. tamato Hykashl, familiarly known 5 Togo In the battalion, Joined up at ymcouver. He was a bright, attrac yT9 little Japanese -with, a beatific unite and some quaint Knowledge or English. 'Most honorable consclip goa n catch me, he told the recruit ing officer with a wide: disarming tulle. "He put 'married' opposite the ques tion, 'married or single,' on the-attes-titlon form,. and favored the officer with a pictorial view of his family a -rpty almond-oved girl and two doll jgje babies. He accepted the assurance that they would be looked after by the Canadian government with beams l delight. Then, squaring himself as If he were going to fight the whole German army, he strode away happi ly vrith a sergeant to the military de pot "Toso became a Lewis gunner, the best 'No. 1 In the unit He developed i passion for the weapon that amount ed almost to Idolatry, and during the training days astonished the instruc tors, not infrequently, by scoring pos lblM on intricate landscape targets. 'San feel peevishly wnen honorable Lewis ialk with a full mouth,' he used to boast, and then proceeded to spray "bullets at an amazing rate and with uncanny accuracy on indicated posi tionsthe make-believe of the machine-gun school. "The loss, in transit from Japan, of letters from the almond-eyed girl In spired conversations with 'honorable Lwi$' sad, crooning, little talks that none of the gun team understood. But they would not Intrude upon or Inter rapt hfm. "The Lewis gun posts, pushed well eat in the crater area of the neutral pound, had been put out of action, the $uns Octroyed, and the crews mangled by a hurricane barrage all except one. Toward evening, as the German Infan try advanced to complete the work of the high explosive and shrapnel, this one gun stuttered defiance and necked little trir "rA in d hYf in the on coming w.f$ ? fl ni-". It spas modic rnt-ra-ic ;" ' rM to the anx iously l!sfVa:r imi in -h front line that either thf gun or lh gunner had ' not entirely escaped the shrapnel hail. Then silence. v , "A bent, burdened figure emerged from a shell crater, 75 yards in ad vance of the oncoming Huns, and stag gered towards the Canadian lines. Twice he fell, but struggled gamely to his feet, pursued by scattered rlfie fire. It was Togo. A dozen volunteers lenped the parapet to his assistance; a hundred rifles held up the enemy. "They lowered him gently Into the trench, marveling at the vitality that had animated the terribly torn body. The gun he saved lay, smeared with blood, beside him. His shattered arm moved towards It, as his spirit hov ered on the brink of the shadow, a smile lighted up the drawn face. 'Him have last good talk. Hun no catch honorable Lewis,' he said and passed out." x HO LOMSER A JOKE Boys in1 Khaki Don't Like "Slam" at Mother-in-Law. Age-Old Standby of the Professional Humorist Has Been Killed by the War, and of Course There's a Reason. WITH THE COLORS HE LOVED Professional Cards. First Patents for Steamboats. By a number of curious coincidences the United States government Issued Its first patents for steamboats on Au gust 26. 1791. to Nathan Head. John Fitch, James RumseV and John Stev ens. Some time previous to the Issu ing of these patents Read Invented the necessary machinery to adapt Watts' steam engine to boat and land carriages. In 1789 he exhibited to a committee of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences a model of a steamboat ,wUh paddle wheels, which he designed to connect with a high- pressure engine. Read also invented a multitubular boiler and still another form of boiler on the same principle as Is used at the present day on our loco motives. The fire passed through small spiral tubes, and in this way consuming the smoke and several oth er forms with many apartments to which the water was to be gradually admitted as fast as it was evaporated. The boss is willing to devote ten minutes to hearing you tell how you sold the goods. But he can't spare ten seconds fo hear why you failed to sell them. Why Meat Prices Vary in Different Stores Yarlmci.frtofaer..."... - 9mteaw and ktHtet CaawWtg cow mmd hgtfw 7J KnK. stela ka boat CC PertafaNrealrB C76flf. Weitm raacitawi X8.0tdlS.f? These newspaper quotations represent live cattle prices in Chicago on December 30th, 1918. The list shows price ranges on nine general classified groups with a spread of $13.85 per cwt the lowest at $6.50 and the highest at $20.35. Why this variation in price? Because the meat from differ ent animals varies greatly in quality and weight Although the quotation! shown are in nine divisions, Swift &. Company grades cattle Into 34 general classes, and each class into a variety of .weights and qualities. As a result of these differences in cattle prices, (due to differences in weights and meat qualities), there is a range of 15 cents in Swift & Com pany's selling prices of beef car casses. These facts explain: 1 Why retail prices vary In different stores. .2 Why it would be difficult to regulate prices of cattle or beef. 3-Why it requires experts to judge cattle and to sen meat, ; so m to yield the profit of only a fraction of a cent a ' pound a profit too small to , affect prices. Swift & Company,U.S.A. . - tt i "H The story Is told from one of the huge auditoriums of the "Y" in a can tonment not far from one of the larg est cities. The crowd extended to the doors and rows and rows of big, husky, clear-eyed boys in olive drab sat crowd ed together on the benches. The next day would find them en route to Ber lin, but that did not matter to them. They were there to hear the big, burly man on the stage who ,was responsible for the shouts of laughter that blend ing together in one great roar almost lifted the roof. One of the funniest comedians had made the special trip to their camp just to give them this opportunity. There is nothing that the American boy loves more than a good joke. The celebrated comedian was enjoying him self as much as the boys as one after another of his stories "got across.4' He saved the best one to the last. With a twinkle In his keen eyes he sprang it, a brand new variation of the age-old mother-in-law story. He told it well, it was excruciatingly funny and it was new. But it fell flat. The big spontaneous burst of laughter was not forthcoming. But they more than made up for it when they began to clap as the jokester left the platform and when they gave him three cheers after the performance. But it worried the comedian and lat er he asked a lieutenant about it. The lieutenant lighted his cigarette before answering. "I don't suppose you fel lows outside this man's army have any reason for knowing this, but the old mother-in-law joke will never get over again. I couldn't laugh at one, no mat ter how funny it was, to save my neck. It wouldn't seem funny to me. You see when war was declared. I wanted In the worst way to enlist. Fellows with kids see It even before the single ones, but I felt that it wouldn't be right to do it then on account of Mary and the children. I couldn't keep up ray home on a soldier's pay. If I gave up my job. It didn't seem the square thing tos them then. "Well, my mother-in-law sent for me to come around oue ulght and see her nlone on my waj home from the office She told me th:u she knew just how 1 Celt about enlKlinje and that I wasn't to let Hip innni'y side of it stand in my light ir an Instant. 1 could do what I could, she said, and she would make up the rest. She hadn't n bov of her own to go and anyway Mary aud the children were to get all she had when she was gone, they might as well havo it now when they needed it most Its no use, the old mother-in-law jokt Is dead. There are hundreds of boy J right here In this one camp who feel exactly as I do about it." How an American in a Highland Regi ment Wau Enabled to Join v His Own People'. !!ri A ' I want to tell you about a fellow here, writes Sergt Lester S. Lowell of the headquarters company of. the Qne Hundred and Third field artillery, In a letter to his brother, Irom a hospital in southern France. He Is an Ameri can, but when the war got going he went to England and enlisted in Scottish regiment. They probably kneT he was an American but they winkea and signed him up for three years. So he put on kilts and went to war. He served three years and two .months. He was in the first gas attack (Ypres, 1915) and has also fought In Egypt and Turkey. His regiment was in London after his three years and two months were up. In the meantime America had entered the war and there were recruit ing offices' in London. This man ap plied to his regimental commander for a discharge, but It was refused. One day he was given a 24-hour leave of absence. He went to the American re cruiting office and said he wished to join the army. Mind you he was in full uniform, kilts and all, at the tline. He ,was shown in to a recruiting officer. He showed the officer papers to prove that he was born in Alabama. "All right," said 'the officer. "You're an American citizen, and you wanWo enlist?" "Yes, sir." "Ever had any previous military ex perience?" said the officer smiling. (No wonder he smiled. The fellow waa wearing three wound stripes at the time.) "No, sir," said the fellow. The officer sent him to a major with a note, saying: "Please hear this man' story and take whatever action you think best." The major read it, and then read the answers to the questions as they were written out on the paper. "'What's tliis 'no previous service?'" "No, sir." The major looked at the plaid of th6 kilt and laughed. He probably Knew the fellow's regiment was right in town at tne time. "Sure you're not enlisted?" "Yes, sir," says the fellow. "I never was a soldier in my life." The major laughed again and said: "All right, just stick to that and it will get you by. Sign here." The fellow signed. "Now," said the major, "I suppose jou want to leave London as soon as possible?" "Yes, sir." So they gave him a Yankee uniform aniTputVim in an outfit which was joing to Franco that sanie day. - WM, GRANINAN r Attorney-at-Law BOOMS 401-402 ITRST "RATI BANK BUILDING DR. WM. KENNEY Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat BOOMS 408-404 ITRST NATT, BANK BUILDING PHONE 136 KENTUCKY TEACTIOH 6 teejunal CO. INTERURBAN SCHEDULE BRIGHTER. EVENINGS . . in 2& jW . Lve. Paris For Lexington. 6:45 a. m. 7:15 a.m. 8:15 a. m. 9:45 a.m. 11:15 a. m. 12:45 p. m. 2:15 p.m. 3:45 p.m. 5:15 p.m. 6:50 p.m. 8:15 p.jm. Lye. Lexington For Paris. " 6:00-a.m. 7:20 a.m. 8:50 "a. m. 10:20 a. m. 11:50 a. pi. 1:20 p.m. 2:50 pm. 4:20. p.m. 6:0u p. ml 7:20 pm. 9:10 p.m. -11:00 p. m 10:05 p. m. Daily except Sunday. Packages handled on all tr&iaa reaching point of destination before 6 p. m. Baggage deliveries made on all trains. . ,m-inagaq3SilMIMI Nothing adds to the pleasures of a home, or makes life more worth living, than a well illumi nated house. "Use Oiectricity Tor Dating It's the only satisfactory way. use Sets Tor Beating ana Cooking It's the only sensible plan. Let Us Fix You Up For the Use o! Both Electricity ind Gas. BIG JANUARY Clearance Sale NOW ON ! Ladies' Suits, Coats and Dresses, values up to $25.00 and $27.50, go for Paris Gas & Electric Co. (Incorporated) ft $15:9$ Come in and let us fit you. HE Twin Bros. Department Store Main and 7th Paris, Ky. Sending Carrier Pigeons by Balloon To increase the usefulness of pig eons ia warfare wire cages, each Just large enough for one bird, are now in use, says Popular Mechanics Maga zine. The cages carry grain for the birds and pencils and paper for ma rooned dispatch writers. They are attached to small balloons that are used when wind conditions are favor able, and also to parachutes designed to be dropped from low-flying air planes. On the other hand, several of them may be strapped to a trained dog and conveyed by him to the de sired point. All of which Is for the purpose of establishing communication with detachments that become cut off from the main body of troops and, while resisting capture-, have no means of immediate escape without outside assistance. The wire cages are ar ranged so that the birds may be fed without being removed from them, and, furthermore, messages may be Inserted in the pellets , the pigeons carry without the latter being handled or ven touched. Versatile Packing House. It was packer experts who solved one of the most important problems iiuuuem to supyiymg our men wiui gas masks. It Is a packer product that is used to stanch the-ilow of blood from the wounds of our soldiers ; it Is a packer product which is used to sew up the wounds; the soap wltb which the soldiers clean up after their turn in the trenches is a packer prod uct; the glue which figures largely in the manufacture of airplanes comes from the packers; the aviators' sheep pelt coats are packer products; gly cerine for use in explosives, animal oils for lubricating purposes and leather for harness, puttees and the like come largely from packing houses. Christian Herald. Guide Posts at the Front One of the difficulties of the "walk h, wounded" at the front, it has been freiiiirntly noted, la ih.ir inability to determine the direction or location of the nearest first-aid station. To help solve this difhculty the American Red Cross is furnishing to the American army several thousand small ciotn slcns.-the distribution of wmen win follow the advance of .every American I attack. Red Cross men, stretcher bearers and runners will carry them, and they will be tacked on trees, post, the ground or any conspicuous object itt the wake of the advancing men, pointing the way to the first-aid dress, Ing stations. The markers are of white cloth, with a large red cross at one end and a red arrow at the other to indicate the direction. The American Red Cross lias, been told by army officers that these markers will save untold suffer ing and even the lives of some men, as the seriousness of any wound de pends largely - upon the promptness aith which it receives attention. v "" Land Girls' Winter Outfit. The land girls' winter outfit has been exercising the attention of the Lon don ladies' tailors. Throughout the summer months the ,girl who works on the land has presentpd a very smart appearance in her nuhii white tunic and knee breeches of khaki drill The coming colder weather, however, de mands something more substantial than drill, and the land suit of khaki corduroy is the latest vogue in agri cultural uniforms. Pockets, except as a decoration, have played a very minor part in feminine fash'lons for some years now, but the tailors report that the land girls Insist upon a full equip ment of big workmanlike jpockets In breeches and tunics. The women war workers are very particular about the cut of their uniforms and the outfits now bing turned out by the tailors, In perfection of workmanship and fin ;eh, compare very well with the most expensive creations of fashion. Greetings We desire to thank our patrons and the public in general very kindly for the very liberal patronage ac corded us during the year just closing, and to say that the Government has lifted the ban on installing tele phones and is anxious for us to serve all who desire our connection. For' terms or other information, drop in our office, write us a card or call the manager by telephone. Paris Home Telephone &. Telgraph Co. (Incorporated.) J. J. VEATCH. District Manager W. H. CANNON. Local Manager A MAN AND HIS WIFE J may both derive satisfaction by having their worn and goiled garments cleaned by us. The cost is nominal, while the pleas ure of wearing old clothes that have the appearance of new, hi conjunction with the knowledge that you are effecting a great ving, must surely satisfy you. A phone brings U3. - Detectaphone Barred. Conversations heard over a detecta phone were barred in the New York supreme court by Justice Goff until proof was Introduced that the Instru ment works accurately. It was used by Mrs. Bertha Bloomer to gather evi dence for her divorce action against Martin B. Bloomer, a lumber dealer. Counsel for Mrs. Bloomer protested that the detectaphone Is being used by the United States government in its secret service work. Justice Goff re plied : "Anyone might placeman instrument of this sort In a room and claim he had overheard conversations of some one ,he had not seen at the time." English "College Men" Ar Qiria. War and the industries made neces sary by war have had the effect of de pleting the student bodies of the Eng lish universities to, an extent that will be serious this year. At the Univer sity of Birmingham, one of the most modern and' progressive beats of learn ing In Great Britain, where scientific training is a specialty, all of the gradu ates who received the degree of bach elor of science this year were women. Two-thirds of the masters of science were Japanese and four-fifths of the bachelors of medicine were girls. LEVY, THE DRY CLEANER Cumberland Phone 40 Home Phonel69 2 in Bourbon Laundry; DAVIS & FUNK, Proprietors Telephone No. 4 A Repudiated 'Citizen. "We've 'bout decided to oust old Bill Bottletop out o' this community," re marked Broncho Bob. "What has he been doing?" ''Hasn't been doing anything. It's the way 'he talks. ' He says he doesn't mind these gasolineless days. What worries hjm Is these dodgast'saloonlesa days." "TfSJK,' v ' "S"W - 1BS3W && 0XJi W r--- X I West Fifh Street K satisfagtionJ OUR WATCHWORD!! With all the latest improve- jm m I S? ments in laundry appliances j and expert helpers we are g prepared 'to 3owork infe-l rior ?to none, "and solicit x your patronage. 1. I The Bourbon Laundrjrif : Paris, Kentucky - -. - .' .- m "3Zl" 7T j jg? ; r K g ;; f K gEE X 9E K X I '; " , 1- 1 i- VaSte,,M'r- r J' f " i ", - ' . &