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yi^^e. ^"^V?^ ?fc with his own eyes when returning from the Christ? t^;|iajf!liv|U*8.'tt^h?*'Blue Pig and says he'll never disbelieve In the poten EKVliJ? BY fTHE SHORT LEGS. f"6h, luean'hah! Just look a-here! Coulfln't he hang up the gient jJH&fof:Banta CiauE?" Co ui< Worn THE KIND MISSIONARY AND THE ESKIMOS. 1. Missionary (to little Eskimos) ?Now, children, I've got up a reg? ular civilized Christmas Hoc and? 3. Chorus? of Eskimos (with mouths f nil)? Clissmas heap all right!?New York Evening Journal. A GAME OF CHANCE HOT. A "liTMAS TUHKEY. A cHius lilts. Mr. Coohcy?Yum, yum! Mr. Cooper?Ah, huh! Mr. Cooncy?Birtiie-, c?tu off yo' pcrch! Mr. Coopor?Ah, there, my size! Come hither! We uns Is as ?n?rl ns r6cke; Old Christmas, jest come when you choose! Mammy's n-knittin or socks. An daddy's a-makln of shoes! The house sot another room bdllt For company?what comes by sur? prise: ?.!oIly's'a-quiltlh a quilt, An -Mary's a-bakln of pies. The hogs Is done kilt, an the mules Laid off fer the holiday lime; Flay I heater now in the schools, An see all you wont fer a dime. Thar's fun till a roller can't rest! The boys Is luirrahln all day; An then, when it's night, why? they jest Git a llddle an shuttle away! ?Frank L. Stanton. In Meniorlnin. Kthel (rummaging in grandma's drawer)?Oh, grandma, What a cu? rious key this Is! Grandma?Yes, my dear. That was your grandfather's latchkey. "And you keep It in memory of old days?" "No, my dear; old nights."?Tit Bits. i'iia fimmciis. Go '.way wl?l yoli celery, Yoli inters an yoh pie. Volt gravy an y?h drossln, 'rinse 1'se gutter pass Vin by. White ifolks ilcy kin rat 'oth ICf licy wants <lt> taste, But I conic yore foil turkey, An l'se got no room to waste. ?Washington Star. As lie Hcinciitfocrcil It. "How did ho escape?" Inquired tha detective. "Well," replied the turnkey with the damaged eye, "ho sort o' nick? named himself out." "What?" "He pried his coll door open with a Jimmy. Then he knocked me down with a billy." "yes?" "And then he sallied out."?Chi? cago Tribune. CniiipniRit Contrlttut Inn?. "I suppose the people of your state hnve much to be thankful for?" said the friend. "yes," said Senator Sorghum re? gretfully, "they hnve, to my per? sonal knowledge. And a great deal of It was my money before election."? Washington Star. Mr. Cooncy?Who says etat ain't heart hreakln luck? But I'll toller him up! Mr. Cooncy (still more surprised) ?WrW-w-whril does dis mean, sah? Mr. Cooper?Guess it means "heads I win, tails you lose!" ?New York Evening World. WHY TOMMY LIKES WINTER. 1. Tommy Is so plonsetl It's winter again, 'cos now lie can mnko slides for fat old gentlemen to sprawl about on. 2. Ho can got hold of a football ami smash other people's windows with It, which is grand fun?for him. 3. Then he can generally manage to catch a few colds these months and have to stop In bed and not go to school. The Christ mit* nnoka. The books, the books?the Christ? inas hooks. With nil their blue and sohlen looks, With necked edges, scalloped cov? ers, For sages sad anil sighing lovers, May every bright one be a winner. And give the writer Christmas din? ner! ? ?Atlanta Constitution, Optimism. "I shall never marry," said the . bachelor. "You always wore optimistic," re? turned the benedict.?Chicago Poat. 4. And?glorious thought?there's Christmas ahead, which is some? thing-to look forward to If you like ?eh, you fellowsf Dinplnyed Them. Miss Tottle Trlpllghtly, who'd noth? ing to wear. Got her salary raised by the pro prletalre; So she bought some more clothes, and I'm sorry to stnte The attendance diminished from that very date! ?Indianapolis Journal. Deferred Clnflglllcntlon. "Is your new play a comedy or a tragedy?" "I can't tell until I see how the audlcnco takes U<"?Chicago Rec? ord. THEY'LL HOLD MORE. The Niece (In the rear): "Well, I did Intend asking uncle to lend me hin stocking to hang up for Santa Claus, hut I think I'd better ask auntie to lend me hers." IT LOOKED LIKE IT. Scot tie: "Aw wldna bo surprised tae see a breeze sprlngin up the day." ?Ally Sloper. 4 "NONE BUT THE, BRAVE DESERVE THE FAIR,"