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THE ROANOKE TIMES. irVURY MORNING. EXCEPT LIOUDAY. ROANOKK TIM KS PUBLISHING CO., Publishers and Proprlotbrs. TIM BS BXJIIiDltfG, third avonuo and V ast street, southwest. TBLIJPllONK NUMttKR 134. Tin: Timvs will bo <lollvorcd In Itoanokc, Sri Jcm,yinton uv? r> morning Oy carriers tor cent* per month. TERMS, l?Y MAIL, vr-?>t?\^:c Prepaid.) Daily.nil-' tiioutn.$ .60 ** tlin.-o months.1.50 ** six months . .... ?.'f? ** one year.?J.Oii Alt pii|)or? sent onto* tho city must bo putil tor Invariably in advance. TIIK W HKK LV TIMES. Tiik Wkkxi.y Times, containing tbo news of the week in a more condensed torui, ono year, fl.ou In >? tvuiieo. Advertising rates mnilu kiiovrn on applica? tion. _ Items of news, communications, etc., should too addressed to tho Editor of Tita TiMKS. Remittances, by express, money-order, rcg letercd letter, cheque, or draft, should t?e ad drosscd and made payable to THK UOANOKE TIMKS* PUBLISHING CO. lloanoke. Vltirtaui, Entered nt the l'ostotltoo at Hoanoko as scc ond-clHss matter. BOAXGKE, VA., JANUARY 1J, 1891. NOTICE. THK TIMES will i>?t bo responsible for any bills contracted t>y employes unless orders uro given for tlio sumo by the gonemi manager. All Mihserlboi-M who fall to receive their pnpi'rs regularly every morning will con? fer ii favor by notifying immediately tho bun! ii-kH nlJIeo ?i THE TIMES, as no Allowance cull l>? made tor liapers missed, unt.-s. no! ice is given. Orders for the iliscotittnuntion of adver? tisements must Inviirlahly bo |[tven in writing. TH51 riMS.-Jcin bj t jund regularly on ?ale ut the following places: l oan ike?Getrgo Gravatt, Jr.; M. L. Srnltli'u, Dallis & Dennis*, Hotels Roau oko, Continental and Ponco Do Loon. t alom?Alfred s. Burdette & Co.'a. Pulaskl?Maple Shado Inn. Bluotle.lU--Bluofleld Inn. Pocahontaa?Pocaliontas Inn. Norfolk and Western and Ghennndoab Valley trains. Bristol, Tonn.?W. A. Ward, Front .street. Washington--Willards', The Metropoli? tan. The Times has the largest ? circulation of any paper print? ed in Southwest Virginia. Press room, mailing list and . subs:riptiou books open to the inspection of advertisers. THE POLICE CHARGES. The foolish wholesale chargos against tho police force mado through the columns of our evening oontomporaiy have fallen fiat. One of the anonymous correspondents failed to appear yester? day. The other stands before tho com? munity as a man who is sailing under false o dors and who is c ipablo of liter? ary theft. Tho World has instantly entered a disclaimer thai was making charges against the t I ? e. Hut it occupies tho unenviable position of the boy who fooled with the Queen Anno musket wide', hadn't been fired for forty years. Perhaps the World didn't know the ?rtlolos were loaded ; or, porhnpj it know they were loaded, but didn't know that they wore mere dangerous at tho .Inei ch Ihn? at the muzzle. The World ought to be sorry for the publications. If it does awake to a realizing sense of the fact that it has boon iin losrd up m by villiflers?one of whom, now proven to be a bogus char? acter, atltckcd no less a person than our honored mayor?it ought to make an apology to its own constituency. NO MOKE GUARANTIES. Tim Senate committee en foroign re? lations, headed by Senator Sherman, is perfectly willing that the United State's Should guarantee 3100,000,000 in hone 8 for the Nicaragua Canal Company. This goes back to the days of the Unii n Pacific railway. If there is any busi? ness of t iat sort, to bo done the IJovcn m oit ought to d g Lho canal itself, and o.vn it after it is dug. Tue M onroe dcotrino is a good enough platform for t ie American people to a/in 1 on and it will go through tbo lino menliea of the Clayton-Bulwor treaty llko & wbal" thron??: n herring net. Hut when it comes to a king tho United States to doth - limit oial god la hor act and let a priva 0 corporation go', tlio b 'nelit of it, tho American poo_ pie may be c Minted out. 'Mit. KILVER ENATORS. . I'or those f 'arsotne peop'o who imag? ine the country's finances will be ruim d by frco .silver, and who o.innot appre? ciate the logic of the situation, wo would call the roll of those Republican S.inators who broke party lines to dis? lodge the force bill and bring up tho financial bill and silver discussion. They are; K' nator Stanf >rd, if California, worth j59,000.000 or more, a business man of W( n lerful capacity. K nator .lones, of Nevada, a man of niany fortunes and great business ox pern no ?: one who is looked upon as the great living authority on the silver quest ion. S nator Stewart, of Nevada, a miner and millionaire who has had wide ex p ri i.c i as a banker. S n itoi" Teller, of Colorado, cx-cccre tary of the Interior: tw.oj honored wit': Olt'Ollons to tho Sen it a wealthy man who made hla wealth by his buslnes sagacity. Senator Waloott, of Colorado, young, brilliant and brainy. Ho had risen by hii own capacity to c mjinand an in ouiiio of 850.000 a year as a 1 iwyer. S mat >r Shoup, of Idaho; the 1 adlng morohant Of tho. Statu and it l ist ter? ritorial governor, SenatorWash burn, of Minnesota; at ono lime tho leading miller of the world; a man who has done utoro to build up the manufacturln ; lnt< r< s ts of tin' Northwest than any other. That is as found a set oi' business men as Senator Hoar can rally in all thoro.tof tho Republican sid?i of tho S . a .-. utTrir: ano Attrutnt bcopk. Mad (to-ritIn :>? cliool Blnnms : n tlnttlmore ? 1 iifor.^.vin; 1 nronts In Piedmont, P>.\i,timo:;k Md., da i. 10?[Special]? The facul y if th ? Wemau's Col lego is very much worked up over tho elope? ment < f one of the pupils with tho man of hor ch-dco. Tho lady i> Miss Katie Gilbert, and sh i lives in Piedmont, W. Va., with her sister. Shu has been studying a;, the college, but when not engaged in struggling with physics she was corresponding with her lover, Arthur See, who is also a native of Pied? mont. Tiu> college rules are v, ry strict, and a oarcful watch is plao o en tin- young ladies. Notwithstanding tho oaro taken, Miss (.Ulbert inauaged to sco her lovr whenever ho came down from tbo mountains to visit her. lln made his lust appearance en Thanksgiving Day, and an elopement was th u ilaantd. Miss Gilbert s pan nts. who are wi ll-t,. d people, sent their daughl >r regularly a iborul allowance. With this money s e provided herself with an outtlt, i .e. as c liuplctu as dosir, d. but stlftluU nt to answer all purposi s. site u lb cted pi? c - by pice ami placed them in tier little trunk under her bid. t n New Year's uvening all was in readiness. Instead of going home Miss (Ulbert met her lover at the station at. Piedmont and together they pree -eded to Oakland, up in tin mountains, whore a minister was found wb i married them. They then returned to Piedmont and sought parental forgiveness, but the Gilbert family are obdurate, and will notrtccivo tho elopers, b'or tbo time lieing they are boa I'd luff. The "or do is only about 10 years old, w hile Leo is about S3. An extra watch is now being main? tained nt the Woman's Colletre, which is controlled by tho Methodist l3pl.-oo pal Churob, and more rigid rules havo been adopted. SII.VKK IN CIKCULATION. An ?>rt Exploited Story Proven Still K?tner Tliiui tCrrr. The following table taken from the New York Journal of Kinano* shows clearly that the old and oft exploded story that "silver won't oirculato," is as fnlto a; ever. tt pp pppppp Ej a .B xsp o tt ti tt a ^ "I l-? H* 'CO O O O l?? ob I- f w i j ? -1 ? o ? o c. y . f" .i3 P P -? w *> ? -l o i3 cc i3 >? on -i P if p en p o y :, wgsjg en -I ? is -i -i ? <r. o pi o -o O IS ~ ?? c ." U ? O I* w> 01 13 O O O ? 0? r*0 JO r "/) I_? 1, o C> >-? C* r, O ?i -1 >? c. - ? tn o c/j a - CO-30?>COO*-t?-l?*0 I r'htiil ,! iibltnnt. Bbistol, Tenn., Jan. 10.?[Special]? Tho enterprising citizens of Bristol never were more jubilant than now. Tho veto has been counted and it has been announced that tho subscription to tho Danville and L ist Tennessoo was e m ied by bno thousand majority. Kvt rybody Is happy. A telegram sent hero last night lioiu Danvill ? states that work will begin on ibis end of the lino in a row (lays. Things are bumming. Don't leavo Uris L 1 OUfc The Knights of PyltliUV. The grand lodge of tho Knights of Pythias will convene in Roanoko in the approaching month of b'obruary. Tho Roanoko division, I1. R. K. of P., have sent invitations to divisions throughout tho Stale? to attend the grand lodge parade, which will take placo during the sessions of the lodge. Tho Rott' noke division started with fifty-eight chartermembers in full uniform. Tlio Mansie M urtlcr Case. The ofllcials are still reticent in the matter of the Massio murder, nor is it, the reticence of ignorance. Patient work is being done, yet while it thought they have the guilty parties under surveillance, the authorities arc not wedded to any particular theory, and work up each clew that presents itself as though it were the o"ly one obt iiinablc. A Lady in Texas U'rltess My ease is of long standing, has ha tiled many physicians; have, tried every remedy i could hoar of, bat llrad rield's h'omalo Itogulator is all that i lievidino. Write l oo llradllold Itogu? lator Co., Atlanta, Ibi., for furlbor par? ticular". Sold by alt druggists. B igln th j Njw Y^ar uy a ab 3 main 7 for i'itU T1.vh2.S. You want tho now.-:, and it .s to j only pa;>or in Roaaoko that prints It. THE "CtoArJT ALECK." cn? is Ueally mid Truly u Foarrul ami Wonderful Ail'ltr. A'eJ&t "\ HE Smart Aleck is a sublimated product of mod crn civilization, the precipitated vapors of fer inontcd p r o g ? rosa 1 i e i s 0 in a i p re a cnt n a (I Irrepres? sible, protean 1 n manifesta? tion, and sub* t lime in self-as? sertion, as sen? sitive as a soft crab, ami pervasive us a ringworm or a bad joke, lie knows exactly how he could have won the battle of Gettys? burg, und bow Napoleon could have granulated and pulverised Wellington at Waterloo. Nothing can make you short-winded quicker than the Smart A leek's contempt for the consensus of enlightened opinion on any given sub? ject, lie would sweeten hiscofree with talt if lie didn't have to drink it him? self. The Smart Aleck is very proud of his knowledge of all the arts of making a fortune, especially when his own life has ' been spent in n. varied and pict? uresque familiarity with a lack of money. His faith iu his own om? niscience is something sublime, anil equaled only by the lordly condescen? sion with which ho is always willing to dispense wisdom and information lie showers his knowledge about him as a tender-hearted philanthropist ueatters pennies on n street crowded with beg? gars. He will complain of the prevail? ing plethora of money, while currying a brick-hat in his uoat-tall pocket in order to make his coat-tails hang right in do? ing duty us a screen for a disabled pair of tronscrs lie will declaim against a proposed inflation of the unrrcney, while his last week's wash is still quar? antined at a Chinese laundry, lie is generally of the opinion that our climatic conditions would have been much better if the earth revolved around tho sun on a triangular, or rectangular, instead of the present crude and botched arrangement, j The Smart Aleck is, altogether, u fearful und wonderful affair, and prom? ises to be with us a long, loug time.? J. A. Maeon, in Puck. THE STAGE HERO'S BOOTS. They Are Faultlessly C'loan In Wet or Dry Weather. The stage hero always wears patent leather boots, and they arc always spot? lessly clean. Sometimes he is rich, and lives in n room with seven doors to it, and at other times ho is starving in a garret , but in either event he still wears brand-new patent leather boots. He might raise at least three and sixpence on those hoots, and when the baby is crying for food it occurs to us that it would be better if instead of praying to Heaven he too'.; off his boots and pawned them, but this docs not seem to occur to him. lie crosses the African desert in patent leather boots, does the stage hero. Ho takes a supply with him when he is wrecked on an uninhab? ited island. He arrives from long and trying journoys; his clothes arc ragged and lorn, but his boots are new and shiny, lie puts on patent leather boots to tramp through the Australian bush, to light in Egypt, to discover the North Tole. lie goes boating i'i patent lea thcr boots, he plays eriekot in them, he gees fishing and shooting in them. Some? times he is a gold digger, t-oinetimes a dock laborer, somidiraes a soldier, .sometimes a sailor, hut whatever he is he wears patent leather hoots.?James K. Jerome, hi Stage hand. HOW CIIOl.LT GOT LEFT. /mm/j it ? ? .>??;:?':-;<A Masher Will you kindly accept my umbrella? Young Lndy?Thanks.?Jury. Seeking Ills Lev: 1. *'Sa;;. old men. you should call on Miss llopkinson, sie' :, a b.dghtgirl?a brilliant one." "I know it---that's why I don't call." ? Life._ A Rnbstltato Kcn.v.itlan. "Did you ever slide down a toboggan eh ute?" "No: but I foil out of a balloon once." ?Puck. A l.zivr Potator. Gilhuoly?How tiro you coming on with your low-unit? Ilostottcr Mediums?I won it. '?How was that possible? You did r.ot have any ease nt all." "1 r.e?uagod it oasy enough. Yon see, I-know that tho judge was p.n honest man, so 1 made il proposition in writing to him that I would pay him S>OD if ho would decide in my tavur, and next day he did it." "That's singular. I would have sup PosnI thai lie would liavo decided against you." "S i bo wottW if I hail not tntccn tho precaution to sign my opponent's nemo to tho offer to bribe tho judgo."?Texas Sutings._ Not cm and (la?rles. Antiquarian?The custom of throw? ing the slipper iij'ter it bride comes down from very undent times. Long before tho Christian era. a defeated chief would take off Iiis shoes and hand them to the victor, to show that the loser of the shoes yielded up all author? ity over his subjects. Therefore when the family of a bride throw slip? pers after her they mean that they re? nounce all authority over her. Do you uudcrstaud? Small Auditor?Ycssir. They throw nwny the slippers they used to spunk her with!?:i. Y. Weekly. A Serious l.ac'c. Young Mr. Forundrctl (in Squash 1 Center)?Aw, my good man. do you evah have fox-hunts hcab? Native?Nope. "What is the mattah? No foxes?" "Plenty o' foxes." "No dogs?" "Plenty o' flogs." "No horses?" "Plenty o' horsea" "Then?aw-what is the mattah?*' "No fools."?N. Y. Weekly. A TtiSTnrONLlXi. Mr. Wredink (the old book-keeper)? j To-day marks my fortieth year of serv- j ice with you, sir. Mr. Hides?I was aware of it, Mr. | Wredink, and I have arranged a little surprise for you. Take this alarm j clock, with my best wishes for your ! continued promptness.?Puck. Lost tin Faith. Bessie?Mamma, Charley is a naughty boy! ho won't say his prayers. Mamma (reproachfully)?Pie, Char- j ley: if you r.o to bed without saying your prayer:-. God won't take care of | you during fee night, and something dreadful might happen to you. Charley?Oh, mamma, that doesn't make any difference, for you know I forgot to say my prayers bed. night, and He t;iok just OS good care of me es lie ever did.?Texas Sittings. Dnrlfl? tiio Moonlight SIctgh-Rlllo. Backward?They say if yon sit in the dark with your feet in n pail of ice water and shako some bells yon can have a very good imitation of a sleigh ride. Miss Are'i (with recollections of past sleigh-ride?.)?1 couldn't shake t he boils, though; I would need my bands for driving. She drives later on.?America. Behind u H".? ttis Rent. Editor (to poet)?What is your ad? dress? Poet?That, depends on you. Editor?How so? Poet?If you take this poem my no dress will remain 4S04 East Nine Hun? dred and b'orty-sccond strost; if you don't take it, I won't have any address. ? Life. I kens! etii's Scheme. Ikcnstcin (reading) - Silence ir, gold? en. Py chcominy cracious?f/oltten! Rozonhcimor (two week:; later)? Verc is Ikcnstcin? llafn'd ccon him for effcr so long. Schwartaenbaum?Two vcelts ago ho read that silence vaa golden, and offer since lie has peen trying to invent some seiie::::; for cggstraeting that gold.? Spirit, A Small Matter. Y?nng Lady (out yachting) --What is the matter, Captain Quarterdeck? Captain -The fact is, my dear young lady, we've broken our rudder. Young Lady?1 wouldn't worry nbout that. The rudder is mostly under water anyhow, you know, and it isn't likely people will notice it.?-N. Y. Weekly. It Rested with lllm. Miss Summit?1 bog your pardon, Mr. Dashaway, but your shoe ir. untied. Dnshaway (trying to make a joke o, it)?What would you do, tie it up, or make it even by untying the other? Miss Summit ?That depends upon whether you intend to stay hero all night or not. - dory. Wedded Ultss. Mrs. Mulvaney?-An' how do ycr hus? band an' yersf If get along together, Mrs. O'Brien? Hood, I hope. Mrs. O'Brien ? Oh, yis; very good, Mrs. Mulvaney. Here we've bin mar ried rG>"' on six months, :::?' I niii't to call in the police but twice.?Life. Curb-.!- tin All .a: ".'. Uncle? What i:i ercatlori an; you jumping about t'::t w:vj f >r? Niece (from .Boston) I m u colf-con Rtitntcd bpurd of h saltti engaged stamping out dlseaso. Uncle--Eh? Niece?My foot'n asleep.?N. Y Weekly. CURED OF DUDEISM. TJOS Youdr Railroad Alan Who Wuntod to llo ArUtoorutlo und Failed. A vmug railroad niun got into serious trouolc recently over hi-s signature. His name is not Jumcs Hlwyn Smith, but that name will do. "1 have been with the road a long time," ho said, "but until a few months ugo my signature cut no llgure in the operations of the rend, and in conse? quence I was cureless of it. 1 wrote it Bouiutblng like this: 0 "I Btill write it that way, although I tried hard to reform. It isn't n mutter of choice; I am obliged to make it look ?be a bottle of ink struck by light? ning. "It happened this way: About two months ago 1 was promoted and in? formed that I would have to put my fist on the cnil of passes where it rends: : not oood unless couNmisicNim uy : "You know the formula. You've traveled on passes yourself, although there is an inter-State commerce law. 1 thought I would put tho road right up with the aristocracy. I decided that the passes on that road should bo a work of art. I proposed to give the traveler something to feast his eyes upon, so 1 went to work upon my signature and managed to turn out. one like this: O ' "Perhaps it Is nr.t. pcrfast e.s it might be, but you'll admit thnt It is nn Improvement over the other, nnd I ex? pected to improve on it still more as I got more practice. "One day my boss threw a bunch of passes clown on my desk und fold me to sign them und be quick about it. I was up to my eye:; in work, oral without thinking I pnttboold hen-track signa? ture to them. "The next batch that came in found me more at leisure nnd I bethought mo of my new Spcncorian copper-plate fist and I put it on the pusses. Then I breathed easier; the reputation of the road war. redeemed. "A few days later a man came in nnd asked for my boss. II is face was Hushed, his hair was standing straight up, and I could see there was trouble abend for some one, but I hadn't the faintest idea for whom. lie went into the private office and a few minutes later 1 heard his voice?I think it could have been heard out on tho street. " 'Yes, sir!' he exclaimed. Tut oft? the train, sir, und, by thunder, 1 pro? pose to know what it means. A joke's n jo*;o, but when I'm accused of carry? ing u forged pass I propose to malte it interesting for some one!' " 'There must bo somo mistake,1 Paid my l>oss. " 'Mistakel' roared tho man. 'Mis* t..'.-.--: I should shy What 1 want to | know is how your road makes mistakes j that result in your biggest shippers be- I ing accused of forgery. 1*11 bo hanged if I'll ever ship another pound by your line.' ' ..ly hair began to raise a;. I hoard my boss ask to sec the pass and I wa t in a cold perspiration whei he ex? claimed: " 'It is a forgery! Whore did you get it?" " 'From you'.' roared the mnn. ""Never,' was the excited reply. 'Look at that signature? Klwyn Smith. The others are all right, but who is Bl wyn Smith? We haven't but one Smith in the oflieo and his name is .I im, and his writing i:; ns ucraggly as Johann Most's beard, Ho couldn't write like that if he practiced until the end of tiiuo.' "I left my desk and wns sneaking to ! the door when I was brought back by the cry: " 'Smith!' "I just barely crawled into the private o;"i?e. There is no need of going into painful details. The matter was ex? plained, the patron finally mollified, tho other posses called in. and as long as I hold my present position the counter signatures on passes will look like tho course of a nigger-chaser, us tho boys call it. on Fourth of duly."?Chicago Tribune. might iiavi: ism::; worts;:. II A.v; mm V:*> Pater (severely)?My .son, this is n disgraceful condition of affairs. This report says yon are the last boy in a class of twenty-two. Henry?It might have been worse, father. Pater?1 can't see how. Henry?Tin-re might have been more bovs in the class.--Jury. Why lie Was Invited. Mr. Softey?Your father's attitude toward me is changed. Miss Clara. When I came in he iold me to be sure and stay and dine with some friends he is entertaining. Miss Clara (surprised)?Is that so? Oh. I know (suddenly remembering some thing), lie's a little super, litious, and didn't want to have thirteen at tho table. ?Posion Herald. ? Too Oi:n?ulty. "What's the motto r with y t\r choir, anyhow? They weie awfully fiat this morning." "Some organic trouble. I thick. The organist was rattled." - f.lunScy'j Weekly. JANUARY, Tho groat bargain month at Heironimus & Brngh's, ! SO GcuimerceSi.,RoanQS8,Va.. (lonuino mar!; down and clearing up Balo of all wintor (roods. ! Special Remnant Sale Every Thursday and Friday of ouch week until all remnants aro cleared out. Do not fail to attend theso sales, as a great many bargains will he offered. Lais'aid GlWsGtts, Capos, etc.. all go at from one-half to two-*hirds tbo regular value. All winter dress goods go at like reductions. Dross robes at a big bargain. Our prices on blankets and omforts will be discounted 20 per c nt. Our stock of undcrwi ar is broken in many cases, and yon can buy odd shirts and drawers very eh eil p. Ten dozi n warranted all-wool men's white shirts and drawers, worth SI.25, at 8S con Is. And so all through our Rtt ck you will be able to pick up bargains. iHeiromnms&Bmgh. Nininger, Bandy & Co. Real estate agents, first Moor Times Building, Persons listing property wi th US can i bo certain that it will have careful at j tention. Correspondence sol lei ted. I Virginia Mineral, Timber, Farm anil City Property Agency. Principal Office, Roanoko, Virginia. The undersigned have opened an of? fice for the sale of mineral, ember and farm land, and city property on c imihis sion. They will develop mineral lands, analyze ores, give instructions for de? veloping on a reasonable charge, sell farm and timber lands. All mineral, farm and timber lands listed with them for sale will be extensively advertised through agencies in the Northern States anil Europe. A record of all ores, their analyses and location will bo kept in our office for inspection of buyers. MINERALS A SPECIALTY. All persons having i. ina.-al. farm or timber lands are requested **> I'st them with U3 for sale. The long < xourio'/ce of our senior, Mr. J. A. Dolby, i:. ralaing and sale of real estate warrant us in as? suring our patrons that their interests will be properly guarded in the sale of tie ir property, and all money coming into their hands will be promptly paid over. Owners may. if preferred, employ their special agent or ;i Mornoys. Persons, in sending descriptive list of property, are sp< dally oautiom d against giving overdrawn descriptions, as it lessens chances of sale. \Vo also adviso against giving options on mineral properties, they ofU n Interfere with sales and lead to litigation. We shall do a legitimate commission business. . Active, reliable atrents wanted in every county in Southwest Virginia; All city property listed with us wU" hnvo prompt attention, and sold to best advantage. We have booked for sale a list of im? proved and unimproved property, busi? ness and dwelling houses in different sections of the city. Persons wishing to buy or sell aro respectfully invited to call on us. Office, Room 3, Moomaw Ihiildingy Jo get-son street. Refer to First National Hank of Ron noki , Virginia. .1. A. DA Mi Y, St > N S A CO. nvl l-OmTttiiw ' j^OTICE. HUNTER ST. .10UN, M. Dj Cilice, Jefferson street, next to Halo Building, Office Hours: 9 to 12 m.? 2 to 4 p. in.?-7 to 0 p. m.