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The sea coast echo. [volume] (Bay Saint Louis, Miss.) 1892-current, April 08, 1916, Image 5

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Farmers' Educational
[T] and Co-Operative
Union of America
"" " ”
Matters Especial Moment to
L u the Progressive Agriculturist
The wrinkles produced by happiness
cause no worry.
Let your life be a white life instead
of a life of white lies.
The sun always casts its shadow be
hind us as we face it. So does trou
ble.
“I never thought of that,” has
caused more loss than all the chinch
bugs.
Life is short —a good reason for
making each day hold as much as pos
sible.
The man who does right won’t go
wrong. And he who goes right won t
do wrong.
Talk with your neighbors about
ways and means to better the ways
that are mean.
The man who howls loudest for
“justice” would undoubtedly be sur
prised if he got it.
Don’t mind a few disappointments.
Each disappointment may be a begin
ning of better tlyngs.
It is just as necessary to strength
en the thin spots in the soil as to re
pair weak places in the fence.
The only man who never has failed
Is the one who never tired. Remem
ber that when things look dark.
Instead of being jealous of the suc
cess of your neighbor, it would be bet
ter to try to learn something from
his methods.
Not the least of the evils of the
great war is the horde of “war” sto
ries that men who never saw a bat
tle front feel called upon to write.
The man who always has a sickle
for son John to help grind at noon
may not realize it, hut he’s helping
start another boy away from the farm.
WHAT PAYS ON A GOOD FARM
Essentials to Success Are Proper Di
versification and Good Yields
From Crops and Stock.
A study is being made by the Farm
Management of why one farm pays
and another fails. Essentials to suc
cess in farming are proper diversifi
cation of the farm business, good
yields from crops, also from live stock
and large size business or farm
Farms with poor crops generally
give low labor incomes, while farms
with good crops usually give high la
bor incomes
The most profitable ten farms in a
certain locality were compared with
the average of some sixty farms visit
ed, and in all respects mentioned,
were found to be better than the av
erage. In the matter of size, whether
considering total acreage, acreage in
crops, or acreage in potatoes, these
ten farms averaged 50 per cent larger
than the average of the locality. In re
turns from live stock, the ten farms
showed ten per cent more income from
each animal than the average. The
crops were better, especially potatoes,
the most important crop, which went
122 bushels to the acre against an av
erage yield of 90 bushels. The farm
business was so arranged on these ten
good farms that every man and every
horse w'as able to cover from ten to
twenty per cent more ground than the
average.
Asa result of these methods, the
ten farms mentioned showed an aver
age labor income of nearly $1,400,
while the average man in the locality
had a labor income of only $414. This
is all the more striking when one con
siders that a man’s labor income is not
merely what he makes above ex
penses. but is what is left as pay for
his year’s time over interest on his
investment, which in the case of the
larger farms of the ten men mentioned
would be a heavier charge than the
average.
GIVING HELP TO NEIGHBORS
Do Not Permit Yourself to Become En
grossed in Your Own Affairs and
Overlook Community.
Men who take little interest in the
neighborhood are likely to become
narrow and more selfish as they ad
vance in age. This is a handicap to
peace of mind when one associates
with his neighbors as one must
Do not permit yourself to become so
engrossed in your own business that
you cannot help your neighbors in
those things that benefit the com
munity. Life is too short for selfish
ness or self-conceit.
Family Co-Operation.
You co-operate in your own family.
You carve the duck and mother serves
the coffee and the pie. Sister dishes
the cranberries and brother pours the
water. Baby and little Jim are per
haps not big enough to render much
service, but they are included in the
co-operation just the same.
Blame Luck for Failure.
It is the tendency for small mer
chants. for farmers and for other in
dividuals to blame their ill-success
upon luck If half the time and
thought were devoted to one’s own
business in relation to the business of
the neighborhood, everybody would
be prosperous.
, A-- ~ .
Look Into Future.
Lock ahead By this we mean that
tn building, buying machinery or plant
ing rotation, think of the future and
the growth you will make. Surely you
will plan to grow lu all lines of farm
work. Why not?
Feed Your Own Horses.
Good teamsters do not like others
to feed their horses. They are wise
about that, too. See to it that your
horses are fed as they have been In
the habit of eating; that means do it
yourself.
HIGHER PRICES FOR COTTON
Southern Farmer Has Brighter Out
look Than for Several Years —
High Prices Assured.
The southern farmer, although he
has produced less cotton in 1915 than
for several years and much less than
last year, has a brighter and more
hopeful outlook than for many years.
Some jump at the conclusion that
this is solely because he has produced
less cotton, but this is by no means the
only reason. The bumper crop of last
year would have brought ten cents a
pound, but for the business panic,
forced marketing and false statements
reiterated by practically all the so
called cotton “authorities.” The small
er crop is responsible for a demand
for cotton in excess of the supply, but
the price can only be maintained by
the independence of the producer,
writes Tait Butler in the Progressive
Farmer.
When debts have to be paid in the
South cotton must be sold, and it is
only by lessening the debts, by pro
ducing food and feed supplies on the
farm, that independence can be main
tained.
The cotton farmers of the South are
going to get a good price for their cot
ton this year as much because of the
fact that they have diversified to a
large extent as because of the fact
that the crop is small. Had we been
as independent of the supply mer
chants and as free from debt last
year as we are this, it would have ad
ded at least two cents per pound to
the price of cotton.
With cotton selling at a profitable
price at this time, the South stands
on the brink of danger, probably
greater than ever before in her his
tory. Safety exists only in maintain
ing the progress towards feeding our
selves. which we have made in 1915. If
we fail to sow a large oat and wheat
crop this fall and seed the bare lands
with cover, pasture and soil-improv
ing crops, no power on earth will pre
vent a large cotton acreage next year.
The cotton acreage will be increased
next year, there is no doubt of that,
but by determining to produce all the
feedstuffs and other supplies we need
for 1916, the increase in the acreage
of cotton will not be so great We can
not only hold dow r n the increase in the
cotton acreage, but also lessen the bad
effects of any increase which may oc
cur, only by starting now to grow next
year’s supplies.
If the price of cotton remains high
we are almost certain to lose some of
the progress which we have made
this year toward “Diversification and
Independence”; but to go back to old
ideas and conditions will be suicidal.
Oats and wheat do better seeded
earlier than is generally advised
and practiced. The Hessian fly does
little damage to wheat in the South,
where the crop has not been gener
ally grown, and for that reason it may
probably be sown earlier than gener
ally recommended. With oats earlier
seeding is of tremendous advantage.
The only way to hold the cotton
acreage within bounds next spring is
to seed a large acreage of oats. Oats
and corn are safe crops in the South.
Hay crops are safe and always profit
able. Wheat, to a limited extent, is a
good and safe crop in the northern
third of the cotton belt if sown on
good land These crops must be used
to keep down the cotton acreage. To
the extent they can be used on the
farm, at least, they pay as well as cot
ton and better when the cotton crop is
too large.
The southern farmer will be put to
a severe test next spring. If he is
wise and is capable of learning from
experience he will not plant a larger
acreage to cotton in 1916 than he did
in 1915. If he fails in this crucial test,
if he falls under the temptation to
plant all cotton next year the wheels
of progress will be stopped and will
move with greater difficulty for many
years to come.
FARMING ON BUSINESS PLAN
Splendid Idea to Take Some of Money
Made From Stock and Crops and
Invest in Machinery.
Business men generally reinvest
most of the money they get out of
their business to make more money.
This is a good plan to follow in farm
ing.
With some of the cash received for
live stock, crops, etc., buy efficient im
plements that reduce the cost of pro
duction; or vehicles that save In haul
ing; live stock that consume the sur
plus feed; home comforts that enable
the manager to become more efficient.
Examples of Co-Operation.
We talk of co-operation as though
it were new, but schools, railrc-ids,
armies and governments are examples
of co-operation. Men can accomplish
nothing without harmoniously work
ing together. The farmers of this
country will continue to be exploited
by united interests until they get to
gether and stick together.
Cultivating Neighbors.
One reason people do not appreci
ate their neighbors better is because
tl)ey do not know them. Most of the
misunderstandings arise from the fact
that people do not understand each
other. A good plan would he to learn
more about your neighbors so that
you will appreciate them better.
Peek for Improvement.
It is best to always look upon the
bright side of things, but we must take
a peek at the faults now and then or
there will never be any improvement
in our ways.
Transplanting Beet Plants^
Hardy beet plants may be ordered
for transplanting. In this way one
can get beets much earlier than from
spring-planted seed.
Distribution of Bedding.
Frequent attention to the proper i
distribution of the bedding is as im
portant as to supply a plentiful supply
of it
#• Oil Wagon Axles.
Don’t fail to oil your wagon axles.
There Is humanity in wagon grease.
I The
I Crystal |
% %
| &
§ ?
8 $
Iv
Ii
5 By HAROLD CARTER &
6 - :V
I l
(Copyright, 1916. by W. G. Chapman.)
“O nonsense. Belle! I don’t believe
in that rubbish, and I wouldn’t encour
age superstition,” said Lady Wheelock.
Belle Garrett turned reluctantly
away from the Arab with the crystal.
Seeing his hopes of a customer dis
appearing, the fellow set up a wailing
chant that followed the ladies all
along the bazaar.
“What is he saying?” Belle Garrett
asked the dragoman.
“He wants you to look in his crys
tal, lady,” answered the Egyptian,
“He says that you will see something
very important.”
Again Belle Garrett hesitated, but
her companion was departing, and at
length she hurried after her, hearing
the Arab’s cries still in her ears.
“Did you ever look into one of those
crystals?” she asked her friend.
“Never!” snapped Lady Wheelock.
"It’s all a pack of superstition and
humburg.”
Th? dragoman smiled, and Belle
caught the look on his face. When
they were alone she asked him;
“Did you ever hear of anything
true being seen in a cystal?”
“Yes, lady,” he answered. “Some-
Suddenly a Picture Began to Form
on It.
times. Mohammed has the reputation
of being a seer. If you like, Madame,
I will take you there tomorrow.”
Belle assented. She was uneasy
concerning her husband. Major Gar
rett was a thousand miles away in
the interior. He had been sent up to
the head of the Nile with his regi
ment from Cairo, to take part in the
subjection of one of the Mohammedan
tribes of the Sudan which had taken
it into its head to go on a foray. He
had been gone six months, and she
had not heard from him for two.
She wavered between contempt and
superstition as she accompanied the
dragoman down the teeming lane of
the bazaar, between lines of stalls the
owmers of which persisted in scream
ing the merits of their wares. At last
they reached the man with the crys
tal s:
He was an immense Arab, his head
enveloped in a voluminous turban,
and he sat in his stall immobile.
There was nothing in the booth ex
cept half a dozen crystals, perfectly
round, semitransparent spheres of
glass.
As if he had been expecting her, the
Arab rose and motioned to her to en
ter the booth. Inside, he handed her
a low chair and indicated that she
was to be seated. Then, taking one
of the globes from the counter, he
placed it in her hands, at the same
time drawing the curtains which sep
arated the booth from the lane out
side. !
Belle Garrett, seated there alone,
heard the raucous cries of the sellers
in the bazaar sound fainter in her
ears. A curious sense came over her
of being divorced from time and
space. She was aware of the Arab
at her side, but everything had grown
dark except the crystal, which was
dazzling bright. Then its surface be
gan to film, it turned opalescent, milky,
Suddenly a picture began to form on
It.
She saw a thorn jungle, and a line
of white tents pitched in a little clear
ing. Egyptian soldiers were moving
to and fro. She saw- the camels on
their picket line, and the men feed
ing them. A tent flap w r as lifted, and
she saw an officer inside, waiting.
She gasped. It was Dick, her hus
band!
She wanted to go to him, for it
was so real that now the crystal it
self had vanished. She seemed to be
standing among the tents, stretching
out her arms and calling him. Once
he looked up in her direction; then
he smiled and went on writing. She
could see the letter. It was addressed
to her, and the date was January 17.
It was that day!
Gradually a sense of something
ominous stole over her. The air was
growing dark. A sandstorm from the
distant aesert was sweeping down.
The scrub thorns rocked, the camels
shifted uneasily upon the lines. And
suddenly she saw soldiers running to
gether, their rifles in their hands.
Her husband sprang from the teat
and took his place at their side. She
saw two guns being drawn up. And
then, with exultant yells that rang
in her ears, she saw the savage army
burst through the scrub, spears in
their hands, and iiush the lines.
Instan-ly was intextricable confusion.
The savage forces, the grim defenders
disappeared in a iploud of dust. Now
and then there wduld emerge from it
TBS SSA COAST SOHO, BAY ST. LOUIS, MISSISSIPPI
a stabbing blade, or the muzzle of a
reeking gun. Belle held her breath.
She wanted to cry out, but she was
held, fascinated.
Suddenly she saw the major quite
close to her. Sword in hand, he was
hacking his way into the heart oi
the wild throng about him. He was
Isolated from his men. Bodies, cloven
by the blade, rolled this way and that.
Spears flashed on every side of him.
Then, with a rush, a company of
fresh troops came up. The scene
grew clear. The Moslems, forced
back, suddenly broke and fled, the
guns pouring shell into their ranks!
But, as her husband's men came up to
him she saw an enormous tribesman
dash the sword from his hand and
poise his spear at the major’s throat.
In another instant he would be dead
The dream vision was dissolved.
With a wild cry Belle struck the sav
age with her fist between the eyes.
She saw him reel . . . and she
looked up into the Arab's face.
The curtains had been drawn back,
the dragoman was waiting outside. It
had all been an abominable dream,
then!
"What happened?" she cried to the
Arab. “I must see it again.”
"There is no more,” said the Arab.
“I must, I tell you!”
The Arab placed the crystal in her
hands again. She sat down, she looked
only into the clear surface.
"It is never given twice,” said the
Arab. "Another day, perhaps. Ten
piastres, Madame.”
She paid the money and went home
with a sinking heart. She had no
doubt that her husband was dead. And
for dreary days she waited, feeling
herself already a widow.
Twelve days later a letter came. It
was from him. The letter that he
had been writing in the tent. She
opened it helplessly and read;
“I was interrupted in this by an
attack on the part of our tribal friends,
dearest, so I am beginning all over
again.” Then followed, some gossip.
"And now there is wonderful news.
The tribe has submitted, and already
we are on the way home. When we
meet I shall have lots to tell you.
“I had a narrow squeak in yester
day’s fight. One of the ruffians got
me by the throat, and his spear was
within an inch of my eyes when the
strangest thing happened. He let it
fall and toppled backward, just as if
he had received a blow in the face.
We captured him, and an hour later
his eyes were all swollen and discol
ored. I questioned him, and all we
could get out of him was that a wom
an’s spirit had bowled him over with
a stiff left-hander.”
HOW PIGEONS BEAR MESSAGE
Matter Is Not as Simple as Is Gener
ally Believed—Attached to
Tail Feather.
The general notion that all that has
to be done in forwarding a dispatch
by pigeon is to catch the bird, tie a
letter to its leg, and th<m liberate it.
is utterly fallacious, as the method of
attaching* the message is of great im
portance. Resides, JT?%be of much
service, the birds must have been
thoroughly trained; otherwise, if the
distance to be traversed be great, the
pigeon will in all probability lose its
way, as it depends more upon observa
tion than anything else for guidance
in its flights.
Prior to the siege of Paris the
method of affixing the message to the
bird had not received that attention
which it demanded, and consequently
many dispatches were lost in transit.
At first the massage was merely
rolled up tightly, waxed over to pro
tect it from the weather, and then at
tached to a feather in the bird’s tail.
But it was soon found that the twine
which kept the missive in its place
cut or damaged the paper, and, there
fore, in order to prevent it from being
pecked by the pigeon and from being
injured by wet, the dispatch was in
serted in a small goose quill two ;
inches in length. The quill was then
pierced close to each end with a red
hot bodkin, so as not to split it, and
in the holes waxed silk threads w r ere
inserted to affix it to the strongest tail
feather. By attaching the message to
this part of the bird’s body, its flight
was not in any way interfered with.
Safety First.
This from a conductor on a North
western street car: “A North side
resident has been riding on this car
line for a number of years twice a
day, and I often noted that he never
bought tickets, but paid his fare in
cash. One day I asked him why he
did not buy tickets and save twenty
five cents on the dollar. ‘Well, you
see, it’s like this,’ the patron replied.
‘Very often I meet an acquaintance
on the car, and when the cbnductor
comes for the fares I offer the money,
while the acquaintance generally has
tickets and immediately offers to pay
the two fares with his tickets and in
this accommodating manner permits
me to save my money. I find the
money saved by this scheme exceeds
the amount saved by the purchase of
tickets ’ ” —lndianapolis News.
That Cheese!
A certain dealer had a lot of cheese
which was anything but good, and.
tired of seeing it about, told the as
sistant when he closed the shop to
leave the condemned cheeses at the
door for someone to walk off with.
Thomas occasionally crept to a win
dow to see-operations, and at length
went to his master, grinning all over
his face, saying the cheese was gone.
“Leave another out tomorrow night,”
was the master's order, was
obeyed by the shopman, who, after a
few peeps next evening, fpalked to his
master in the counting-house. scratch
ing his head, and looking as though
some great disappointm<||t had 'befal
len him.
“Is it gone?" asked th dealer.
“No, sir; that other '
back!”
Miss Mala prop,'
Phyllis—Aren’t the ’ Boston traf
fic rules just lovely fotns gifls t .
Ethel—-How so?
Phyllis—Why, didn't, yotL-krow £hy
were gong to have Sophomores sta
tioned at every dofrrwj^.street Cor
ner?
TO AID THE BUSY HOUSEWIFE
Pad and Pencil Will Be Found a Cer
tain Proof Against Forget
fulness.
“Here is a system which I have
used in my home for some time and
which my newly-wed friends always
copy eagerly, so I thought you might
be interested. I keep a daily calendar
pad nailed* to my kitchen cabinet and
a pencil attached to it suspended by a
string long enough to admit of free
play in writing. This serves as a re
minder of household duties, of library
books due, of appointments and of
daily expenses, in total, under head
ings of ‘meat,’ ‘groceries’ and ‘inci
dentals.’
"At the end of each day I carry on
the total to the next day, and at the
end of the week I know my expenses
and I strive each week to economize
on my ‘incidentals,’ for there is where
the leakage in household enocomy oc
curs. When I find I have been unduly
extravagant on meat I economize by
purchasing fish. Having figures be
fore me, I am able to do more toward
economizing in the right place than if
I guessed at the leakage.
“I always have a small one-cent pad
near the calendar pad and a pencil on
a string attached to this, too. This
pad is indispensable. When I find my
sugar is running low I jot down
‘sugar.’ When I find that the coffee
or flour are nearing the bottom of the
jar I write down the item. When I
go shopping I simply tear off the
sheet. I never forget anything and I
never run short of anything. How
many women can say that?”
KEEP THESE IN THE MIND
Some “Don’ts” That May Save Painful
Accidents, Not to Speak of
Doctor’s Bills.
So many accidents have been report
ed lately due to the carelessness of
the housewife that a series of don’ts
have been proposed. A common habit
and a very ba*l one is illustrated
here. Holding clothespins or any oth-
Holding Pin In Mouth.
jr small household articles in the
mouth spoils its shape and ruins the
teeth. Some of the other don’ts are
as follows:
Don’t risk your life cleaning win
dows from the outside.
Don’t pyramid the furniture to make
a perch from which to hang pictures.
Get a stepladder and prevent a house
hold calamity.
Don’t trip in the house. Be careful
in placing rugs on the floor.
Don’t bump your head on open
closet doors.
Don’t grope in dark closets. Get a
little electric torch and save yourself
many unpleasant experiences.
Don’t leave domestic implements on
the stairs. A dustpan turns the stair
way into a toboggan slide for unwary
feet.
Don’t try to negotiate the stairway
with arms incumbered.
On Ironing Day.
One will find It a great help on iron
ing day to have a goodly supply of
clothes hangers at hand. As soon as
a garment is ironed, slip it over a
hanger. Each hanger will hold a num
ber of the same kind of garments, and
in putting the clothes away all that la
necessary is to place the hangers In
the closet. In this way many pieces
do not have to be handled twice, and
wrinkled clothes are avoided.
Sanitary Bread Boards.
The newest use for paper is shown
In a sanitary kneading bread board.
A roll of paper or parchment is placed
at the head of this board, and a sheet
i of !t drawn over the surface of the
board when in use. After the work is
done the sheet is torn off and anew
sheet drawn down. The apparatus
containing the paper also holds it in
place at the top, and clamps keep it
In place at the bottom of the board.
Chocolate Cake.
H If it is desired to make a chocolate
cake it will be necessary to cut down
the amount of shortening used, in or
der to avoid making the mixture too
rich. Two squares of melted choco
|||e, or four tablespronfuls of cocoa
dissolved in boiling water, added to
the recipe given above will make a
fairly rich chocolate cake.
i
Hygienic Soup.
m Use stock in which fowl has been
ifooked, five cupfuls; add one
puarter cupful fine oatmeal and cook
Sane hour; rub through a strainer, add
•one pint milk and thicken with one ta
blespoonful each butter and flour
cooked together; add salt and pepper
to taste;, serve with inch eubes of
bread browned In the oven. -
CURSE THOSE ODD JOBS!
“I sometimes feel that I am called
open to do things,” remarked
Mr. Dubwaite in the early hours of the
morning, as he looked about for a
clean collar,
“Indeed,” replied Mrs. Dubwaite, in
the neglige© for which she is locally
famous. *
“Quite so, my dear.”
“Well, while you are waiting for a
repetition of the call, I wish you would
go down to the cellar and demonstrate
your versatility and grasp of detail by
' putting some coal in the furnace.”
Starting Early.
“That youngster or yours whacks
his drum with surprising energy.”
“So he does,” replied the proud fa
ther. “I hope it will develop his right
arm.”
“What’s the idea?”
“Oh, I’m looking to the future.
Something tells me that I’m destined
to be the father of a famous baseball
pitcher, and I want my boy to get all
the preliminary training bite can."
But She Roasted Him.
Sapleigh—l was—aw —weading the
othah day about a twibe in Afwicka
that —aw —eats wosted monkeys, don
cher know. Beastly dweadful, doncher
think. Miss Knox?
Miss Knox— ■-Yes; but why should
you care; you are not thinking of go
ing to Africa, are you?
Now and Then.
‘‘Gadson tries to create the impres
sion that time is money with him.”
“I see. Does he succeed in creating
that impression?”
“Only when he pawns his watch.”
Found.
First Co-ed—l’ve lost a diminutive,
argenteous, truncated cone, convex
on its summit, and semiperforated
with symmetrical indentations.
Second Co-ed —Here’s your thimble.
I —Medicine Man.
HE WAS WISE.
mm
JW\
“So you have quit laughing at your
wife’s hats?”
“Yes, the funnier they seem to me
the more convinced she is that they
must be in style.”
Yea, Verily!
A girl may consider Friday
An unlucky day on which to wed,
And she may not; it depends
Upon her age, ’tis said.
Not a High Brow.
Bacon —It Is said the giraffe is said
to be the only animal in nature that
is entirely dumb, not being able to
express itself by any sound whatever.
Egbert—lt’s just as well, for if it
could speak it would talk over every
body’s head.
A Compromise,
Wife —But why don’t you want me
to buy your neckties any more?
Hub—Well-er-I'd rather buy them
myself than have you go to all that
trouble.
Wife —But I like to do things for
you.
Hub —Oh, in that case I'll let you
look after the furnace this winter.
A Knock.
He —Yes, I once thought of going
on the stage, but friends dissuaded
me.
She —Friends of the stage, I pre
sume.
Mean Thing.
She —After all w T e’ve been reading
In the papers, don't you believe now
women could fight?
He —Oh, I never doubted it, if it
came to the scratch.
What They Have.
Traveler —In China the statesmen
have yellow jackets.
Politician —That’s nothing. In this
country they have presidential bees.
Gone.
The Man —And have you the heart
to refuse me?
The Maid —No, 1 gave it to another
man
Getting a Line on Him.
Father —You want to marry young
Quitter, eh? 'Well, what’s batting
average?
Daughter —Why, pa, I didn’t know
he was a ball player.
Father —Oh! I don’t mean that.
How many days per month is he on
the bench?
The Real Objection.
“On your ocean voyage did you miss
any of your meals?”
“No. I didn't miss ’em. My kick
was that I ever met ’em.”
Not Easily Found.
“You propose a tax on gasoline?”
“Yes.”
“I fear that would be unpopular.”
“Um,” said the statesman addressed.
“I have been looking around for a
tax that would be popular, but 1
haven’t succeeded in locating one as
yet.”—Louisville Courier-Journal.
PARAGON OF PATIENCE.
“He’B the most patient man I evei
knew.”
“That so?”
“Yes, he can even herd a bunch of
people together to have a group pic
ture taken without losing his temper.”
The Rear Guard.
“Be sure you’re right, then go ahead.
Is what a wise guy one time said;
But the lazy chap Is not that kind—
He thinks he’s right—then lags behind.
Instrumental Play.
The Horn —I’m going on a toot to
night.
The Drum—Well, that boats me.
The Violin —I heart! you had an
awful head on you this morning.
The Drum—Don't you believe it.
Someone's been stringing you again.
The Tamborlne —Oh, shut up, will
you? You’ve got me al! rattled.
The Piano —Same here. I can’t col
lect anything on my notes.
Explained.
“Pa, what's meant by a ‘euphem
ism?’ ”
“I forgot just how the dictionary de
fines it, son, but I’ll give you an exam
ple.”
“All right, pa.”
"When a candidate refers to his riv
al as ‘my able opponent,’ that’s
euphemism. He’s thinking something
entirely different.”
No, Indeed.
“Suppose Cinderella had worn com
mon-sense shoes. What would have
happened then?”
"You overlook a very important
point.”
“Well?”
"The story of Cinderella and the
prince is not a common-sense nar
rative.”
Defined.
“Pa, what is means by the keynote
speech?’ ”
“Listen attentively, son, the next
time I remark at the dinner tabic- that
I expected to be kept out late by im
portant business matters.”
“Yes, pa?”
"Your mother will then make a ‘key
note speech.’ ”
Cool.
“I hope your father doesn’t see mi
kiss you,” said the young man.
“Why not?” asked the sweet young
thing.
“He might object to you kissing a
strange man.”
“Well, he never has.”
Too Cheerful.
Edith —Yes, I’m a little annoyed
You see, I declined the proposal, and
I didn’t want him to feel hurt —
Ellen—Well?
Edith —Well, he —he acted just as If
he didn’t.
HARD LINES.
“1 married my wife for spite,”
“Well, you certainly got good and
even with yourself.”
His Relatives.
fhe sluggard declined to visit the ant,
“She can’t help me out,” he said;
So he took his ulster down from a nail
And paid his “uncle” a visit Instead.
The Ruling Passion.
“Did that old raiser seem to havo
any regrets in dying?”
“Only that he had to spend his
breath.”
Merely a Pose?
“Some people can stand before a pic
ture and see far more in it than the
artist ever intended to put there.”
“I’ve met that sort. But they don’t
seem to get much satisfaction out of
what they see unless a low-brow hap
pens to be standing near enough to
hear their subdued raptures.”
Diplomatic.
Father —Can the girl you are court
ing make a good batch of bread?
Son — I can vouch for the fact that
she can handle the dough all right.
A Suggestion,
“We’ve just completed a beautiful
$20,000 home for stray dogs and cats,
and have $1,200 left from the building
fund.”
“Why not use it to construct a nice
little gas chamber whore homeless
and friendless old men can be treated
to a nainless death f*

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