The Brookhaven leader. [volume], March 15, 1883, Image 1

About The Brookhaven leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1883-1891

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JACK.
Four little letters, torn, faded and stained.
All bearing my name upon the ba It,
Rach one beginning with, "Minnie, My i
Friend,"
And each ono ending, “Your True Friend, '
Jack,”
Now Jack was my lover sumo thirty years
back.
And honestly offered his hand nn 1 his heart;
Hut, oh! the pity! tdidn't love.lack;
And so It was that wenoeds must part.
Hut Jack dec lared when the parting came—
And .In k hud never a lalthl ss tongue—
He should a ways love me exactly the same,
An I 1 believed him: for I was young.
nut Jack was married in less than a year;
And now his sons—1 think he has four—
Are writ ng such letters as these I have hero,
And, happily, Jack loves mo no more.
Hut to-day as I read these letters from Jack,
My heart was rent with a mortal pnln.
For I ke mountain mists the years rolled back,
And lsaw my long-lost youth again.
—dprinufte.bl (Jfuxs.) ntpuhlican.
GUARDING THE <JUEEN.
The many political assassinations that
'have taken place of late years have
thrown upon the police of all countries
an immense amount of difficult and deli
cate work in guarding Monarehs, Princes
and Ministers. In England we have be
come familiari cd with the idea that our
leading statesmen must be escorted by
detectives wherever they go; and pop
ular as Iho Queen is, we know that elab
orate precautions are taken to protect
her every time she appears in public.
Few, however, can be aware of how
much anxiety, activity, troubles and con
sequent expense, are involved in that
word “protecting.” Looking only at
the pecuniary side of the question, the
f ne which a madman or frantic inflicts
upon a country when he attempts, even
without success, to take the life of a
ruler, is considerable. The services of
detectives have to be paid for; and to
do their work properly, these officials
must not be stinted of money for tele
grams, railway and cab fares, and cas
ual expenses. Sometimes they have to
assume disguises, and to pay heavily for
secret information as to alleged crimi
nal designs; and though this informa
tion is often worthless, the police can
not atl'ord to disregard any item of in
telligence bearing upon the safety of
the great personages whom they have
to guard. Thus, the contents of every
letter sent, whether anonymously or
not, to Scotland Yard are carefully con
sidered. The mischievous simpletons
who concoct untruthful letters for fuu,
and the foolish busybodies who write to
disclose “suspicious circumstances”
that have come under their notice, may
all rest satisfied that they cause worry
nnd waste of valuab'e time, if nothing
worse. As the police have sometimes
received warnings of great importance
through unsigned missives bearing no
guarantee o good faith, they make it a
rule to investigate all facts not palpably
absurd which are revealed to them; and
doubtless by so doing they have often
been enabled to prevent crimes. Many
an intending criminal must have been
ba'kedin his schemes by tho timely dis
covery that his movements were being
watched.
To guard a royal residence—that is,
to keep an eye on suspicious charac
ters who may prowl about it, or seek
admittance—requires vigilance, but is
easy work compared with the task of
protecting the sox ereign when she ap
pears in public. Every time the l,ueen
leaves one of her residences, even tor
an afternoon drive, the event is notitic.l
some hours beforehand to the police by
the equerry on duty.xvho announces what
itinerary her Majesty will probably fol
low. At certain points all along the
route, policemen have o be stationed
and detectives are placed at all the
points where the royal carriage is likely
to stop. Hound Balmoral anil Osborne,
the roads can be watched without diffi
culty; but not so round Windsor
Castle and Buckingham l’alaee. Wher
ever croxvds can congregate,the difficul
ties of the police are multiplied. A
special superintendent is deput ed on
ordinary occasions to patrol the line of
the royal progress but when there is a
state pageant, tli:s duty is performed
I y the Chief Commissioner in person.
He has to see that not only the police
men in unifprm, but the detectives—
unsuspected by the crowds among
whom they stand—are all at their posts.
A regular code of private signals exists
by vvliieh a detective can make his pres
ence known to the eh efs, and receive
short instructii ns from them, without
exciting the attention of the bystanders.
1 he whole dective force of Scotland
Yard, however, would be insutlicient to
keep proper surveillance over miles of
streels, as. lor instance, whenthel.ueen
went to open Epping Forest so. on such
occasions as these, hundreds of police
men “off duty” are pressed into special
service, and turn out in plain c'othes.
Then, aga'n, there are men who. in
considerat on of having tood places
from which to view the procession, act
as amateur detectives. Every detective
and policeman lias a few personal
friends who will gladly undertake a
duty of this kind, and very often worn- j
en are among the number. Their in
structions are invariab y to keep their
eyes and ears open; and not to cheer
when the procession passes. In this,
English detectives differ from those of j
foreign countries, who are trequent y
enjoined to start the cheering among
the crowds; .but the authorities of Scot
land Y'ard have discovered that a de
tective who is bawling with all his might
becomes useless for purposes of espion
age. It is precisely when the cheering
is loudest that danger is most to be ap- I
prehended, for the no se and the sway
ing of a mu titude excite the nerves of
the lunatic criminal who is bent on
misch ef; there ore the police who are
watching the crowd in its moment of
greatest enthu iasm should . emnin per
fectly cool.
They have also to protect the sover
eign against others besides the evilly
disposed, for there are always people
who want totlir stpetition or bouquets
into the < ueen’s carriage, or e se to
shake hands with her Maje ty. Happi
ly, these eccentric individuals generally
betray the r purpose by their restless
ne a The man with a petition keeps
feeling his pocket, to assure himself
that the precious thing is safe; and au
the royal carriages approach, he half
draw out the paper; but by thi> time a
detective has observed his movements
and a strong band laid suddenly upon
his arm paralyzes him at the opportune
moment.
It is often lucky for would-be petition
era that they should he pulled ha- k 1 ®
fore they can accomplish their purpose;
for if that purpose were misunderstood
by a loyal mob, they might expose
t hemselvcs to some very rough handling.
The (,’ucen is, indeed, very well guarded
by the affection of her subjects, and,
generally speaking, she has rather to
fear annoyances from silly people than
criminal attempts from vicious ones.
This shows what terribly difficult work
the police of some foreign countries
must have to perform in guarding sov
ereigns who are unpopular. Occasion
ally, the English police* have a taste
of this work, when some of these un
popular potentates visit this country ahd
have to be guarded against subjects of
their oxvn.living here in exile. When
Napoleon III. visited England in 18.V>,
the Government of the day suffered
agonies of anxiety lest harm should be
fall him; and these alarms were renewed
in 1874, when the late Czar Alexander
II. came to London. On both of these
occasions, money xvas poured out like
xvater to insure a proper protection of
the illustrious guests; and the police
did their work so well that, although
there were ser ous reasons for believing
that malevolent refugees were brewing
mischief, both Emperors left the coun
try without having heard so much as a
rude word. The police, however, may
be pardoned for having felt the most
pleasurable relief when the visits of
these much-threatened monarchs came
to an end. When the Chief Commis
sioner, Mir Richard Ma ne, received the
tel gram announcing that Napoleon 111.
had safely landed in France, he re
marked with quiet satisfaction: “Now 1
shall be able to get a good night’s rest.”
Many of the difficulties of the police
I in guarding royal personages come from
these illustrious persons themselves.
Princes who are brive do not like to
have their footsteps dogged in private
life; and will sometimes grow impatient
and angry when they find out that they
have been watched for their own good.
They have to be watched, nevertheless,
whether they like it or not. It would
never do tor a royal Prince to be kid
naped and detained as a hostage by po
litical or other desperadoes; and so care
is taken that wherever a royal Prince
may .go, he shall always have his invisi
{ ble escort of pol:ce. The Prince of
j Wales is guarded nearly as vigilantly as
the Queen. If he travels by rail, sur
veillance is kept by the police all down
the line; if his lioyal Highness hunts,
rides, drives, or takes a stroll on foot
through any part of the West End, a de
tective is sure to be close at hsn '. So
it is with other members of the royal
family in these agitated t;mcs; and irk
| some as the supervision must be, it has
1 to be submitted to with good grace be
cause of its absolute necessity. The
: police, however, are sadly worried at
times by those foreign Princes who
come to visit our own royal family, and
who delight in slipping out of palaces
j for rambles through the streets without
giving any notice of their intentions.
I Some detective or other iS always held
responsible bv h s chiefs, and severely
reprimanded when such a thing hap
j pens; for the police force on guard at
the palaces is supposed to be in a con
dition to provide for all contingencies
of the sort.
It will be seen from all this that tin
j office of court detective is by no means
a sinecure, undone may add that it is
of all posts that in which faithful, zeal
ous, efficient service obtains the least
honor and reward. Mot that royal per
sons are ungrateful to those who guard
j them properly; but because the men
who guard best are natural y those who
make the least fuss. It is the duty of a
1 court detective not only to shield Princes
j from danger, but to conceal 1'iom them,
' so far as possible, that they have been
in danger. Thus a man whose sagacity
and diligence may over and over again
have saved Princes from annoyance or
hurt, will often be less appreciated than
the more demon-trative servant who.
perhaps once in his life, has had the
good luck to arrest the arm of an assas
sin after—not before—the pistol w*»
tired. — Chambers' Journal.
The Bad Hoy's Picnic.
“What was it about your folks get
ting up in the night to eat? The hired
girl was over here after some soap th )
other morning, an I she said she was
going to leave your house,” said the
grocer to the bad boy.
“Well, that was a picnic Pa said
he warned breakfast earlier than we h id
been in the habit of having it, and he
said I might see to it that the house was
i awake early enough. The other ni^ht
I awoke wi h the awfulest pain ycu
I ever heard of. It was that night th t
i you give me and my chum th •, bot le of
pickled oysters (hat had liegun to work.
(Veil, I coudn’t sleep, and 1 thought I
would call the hired girls, and they uot
up and got breakfast to going, and then
1 rappe t 01 pa and ma’s door and told
them the breakfast was getting cold,
and they got up and came down. Wo
eat breakfast by gas-light, and pa
yawned aud said it made a man feel
good to get up and get ready for w rk
before d ylight, the way he used to on
the farm, and n a she yawne I and
agreed w th pa ’cause she has to, or
have a row. After breakfast we sat
around for an hour, and pa sai 1 it was
a long time getting daylight, and bime
by pa looked at his watch. When he
began to pull out his watch I lit out
an i hid in the store-room, and pretty
soon I heard pa and ma come up stairs
aud go to bed, and then the hired girls
they went to be ', and when it was all
still, anil the pain h id stoppe 1 inside of
my clothe , i went to bed, and I looked
to sec what tin e it was and it was two
o clock in the morning. We got dinner
at eight o’clock in the morning, and pa
said he guesse 1 ho would call up the
house after this, so 1 ha\ e lost another
job, and it was all on account of that
bottle of pickled oysters you gave me.
My chum says he ha 1 colic too, but he
didn't call up his folks. It was all he
could do to get up hisself." — Peck's
Sun.
—A New York gentleman gave a
theater pa:tv and supper a few n gilts
since in Philadelphia Ami ng the tri. es
by way of table adornment were straw
berrie-i at two dollars a piece. ADd yet
somebody has remarked on thee trava
gant ways of the Roman Emperor who
indulge 1 in nfghtingales' tongues at
a few sesterces a brace!—Philadelphia
Press,
Western Iinarlnation.
If Jules Verne wishes an enduring
renown as an imaginative writer he
should come to this country and sit at
the feet of the Western miner and hunt
er. They can. in the vernacular, give
him points. In seeing visions and in
dreaming dreams they have a fertility
of resource which remains unparal e f.
Not long since we were told of a West
ern miner who crawled into a cave in
some lonely mountain. Now most men
would have simply lied about the si/e
of the cave, its stalactite? and subter
ranean lake. But the imag nation of
the Western brother soared above such
ha kneyed themes. lie cleetriticd his
gaping friends with a tale of a marvel
ous image seated in the cave, the figure
of a man, composed of gold, silver nnd
copper, wear ng a helmet. Nor was
this sutliciently mystic and wonderful.
He went on to tell of a bright flame
issuing from the mouth of the imaw.
Then he probably remarked that he
would “take his straight'1 and ex
pressed his ability to “knock out ’ any
other liar in one round.
But the gohlen gas-'et has been ex
tinguished by the appearance of a
“cuff-dweller ’ in New Mexico. It ap
pears that ■onie three weeks ago several
men were limiting in the vicinity of ihe
ancient cave dwellings near Kspanola,
N. M. They saw fit to enter one of
these caves for the purpose of eating
lunch. The local chronicler, whose ac
count is nearly as remarkable as the ap
nariton. states that they drank both
Deer and champagne. Now had they
remained faithful to the usual whisky of
the West they would have encountered
nothing worse than snakes. But their
unhallowed mixture of beverages led
to an appalling result. “At the en
tran c to the cave stood a wild, weird,
unearthly looking being.” Now comes
his description. “Our informant, a
cool-headed, self-poised man, and a
mountaineer of two scores of years’
standing, avers that he was not a whit
under eight feet in height. His head,
which was bare, was elongated and rose
cone-like to at least ten inches above
the hair line.” This would appear to
be an account of a mountain with no
pay streaks above timber line, but it
isn’t.- “His eyes were preternaturally
large and shone with a light whose
vividness sent a queer thrill to
every startled hunter of the
little group who looked into their
flame-lit depths.” Now, that we
consider really affecting, especially the
“queer thrill” and “the flame-lit
depths.” “His hands and feet were
also enormors. The upper part of his
body was clothe l in short wraps, con
sisting of skins dressed by some art now
unknown. He carried a club of enor
mous size: the smaller end, sharpened,
seemed iron-tipped.” But just nr our
interest rises to the boiling point, we
are told that “ he bounded away up the
almost perpendicular face of the moun
tain and disappeared.” Then the writ
er gravely ; oes on to rema k that this
appearance is incomprehensible unless
“somewhere in impassable mountain
fastnesses the remnants of the prehis
toric cliff-dwellers exist.” It is stated
that llic “flrst impulse of one of the
hunters was to shoot the oiiff-dwel'er,
but he re rained, and his self-deuial
can not be too highly extol'ed.”
It is evident that the progress of civil
i/.at'on has not proved an unmixed good
to the West. The replacing of “tangle
foot” with beer and champagne and the
introduction of Ju'es Verne's works
must be held responsible for these re
markable apparitions. It is a cold day
when the inno ent broth t from the
Far West is unable to produce a tale of
graven images, wild cliff-dwellers, bliz
zards, or incal ulably rich mines.—X.
Y. 1 ribunc.
Import 'd Songsters.
“If there were not plenty of bird
fanciers our I us ness would be of little
account,” sad a well-known importer
of all kinds of b rds to a (Jrap‘:ic re
porter to-day. “We do a ijuiet trade,
but tew people have any correct idea of
the extent of the business dur ng the
year. It is not confined to any particu
lar specie, but to all; the canaries, of
course, taking the lead for the number
of sales, but not in value.”
“ IIow many birds arc imported dur
ing the year, do you suppose'J”
•• That is hard to say, taking in all the
dea'ers. We imported, however, over
60,0 H.) canar'es alone last year, and that
is no mean figure. Most of them were
sent from Germany. Then we had fully
five or si < thousand European wild
• birds. The best canaries come from St
Andreasberg, in the Hart/. Mountains,
where the b rds, when very young, are
placed in a room apart from all singing
canar'es, but within hearing distan e of
an English nightingale or lark. In th's
way the young canaries learn their
peculiar soft and attractive notes.”
“ What do they sell for?”
“Much depends upon the demand
and the time of the year. Singing can
aries will sell as low as $2 and go as
high as $12 apiece Those which have
been taught a tune sometimes bring as
much as $50 and $ 10 each, as it is very
ditticu't to teach them.
“How many do we dispose of in a
week? Well, you mav think I’m joking,
but I am not. We get rid on an aver- |
ago of about 2,000 a week. By this I
mean to dealers, who buy direct from \
the importers. When we get the birds
they are always vei'P^oung. Our cus
tomers do not care tor old birds. They I
are brought over by the steamers in the
little wooden cages, as you see, a man
al .v ays being sent with them specially j
to care for their wants. As soon as
they get to their destination we find any
number of purchasers from this city to i
San Francisco. To those men we make
an average charge of about $25 to $27 j
per dozen The price, however, will j
go np until the end of next month. |
Then the birds are strong and healthy, j
The moulting season begins about !
April.”
“What other species of birds are im
porte 1?”
“All kinds. We have the nightingales, 1
goldfinches, English robins, parrots
and paro uets, larks, starlings and the
famous English thrush. Bullfinches
are taught to whistle befo e they are
put on the market, but parrots are very j
seldom taught to speak by the dealers
themselvea This little pastime is left
for the purchasers. "The parro' trade is
largely increasing. The price, too, is
hign in spite of the large number of ar*
rivals compared with past years. An
ordinary green Cuban parrot is worth
from to while the Mevicans with
, the pretty yellow heads will go as high
: as *;10 to t 10 apieeo.
"Outside of these you must take in
1 the mocking bir I. A good and well
trained mocking bird will realize fr m
| *:iO to •♦•'to. They come from Virginia
and othor Southern States. Some of
these birds will whistle as many as eight
, or ten tunes. As songsters, the lark,
| the chaffinch, goldfinch and nightingale
come in for their share of pubi c atten
tion, and are often to be met in the par
. lors of the best families. A good and
I brilliant colored African or an Austral
i be demanded if a party of means wants
to be a purchaser. There is no reason
' for anticipating a decline in the price
! of birds or in number this season.”—
j iV. T. (Jra/ihic.
The Quail-Eater.
The quail-eating contest in New York
—two quails a <lav for thirty consecu
tive days—created considerable interest
throughout the country. A week ago
to-dav a lean, sad-eyed man called at
the desk of a Vine-street restaurant, and
said to the honest German who was in
charge:
“I can eat the hind sights right often
Walcott.”
•• V'at’sdot you say?”
“I say I can cat the hind sights r'ght
often that lraud in New York, who is
tryin to eat two quails a day for thirty
consecutive days.”
•‘I bate you on dot,” and the German
went down for his roll.
“ How much w 11 you bet I can’t do
it,” said the sad eyed man.
“ I bate you two, dree, six, several
tollars.”
“ Make it ten and I’ll go you.”
The German wanted to put up the
money, but, the sad-eyed man not hav
ing the amount with him a compromise
was fixe I up on the bas:s tjiat the* sad
eyed party was to cat four qnai's a day
instead of two, each man being put on
his “honor” astothe stakes.
“Ven you gommence/” asked the
German who was radiant over the im
mense odds wh'ch he had obtained in
the compromise.
“Any time—right now. if you say
so.”
•• Four broile gwail, right away,
quick!” called out the German to his
cook.
The quails were produced and the
sad eyed man ■ uiekly disposed of them,
together with two cups of coffee and a
dish of French pea«e.
He called the next day and ate four
more, with several extra side-dishes.
Next day the same.
Same the next daw
People began to drop in to see the sad
eyed man ea*.
Yesterday the restaurant man hailed
an Enquirer reporter as he was pa-sing
his place, and said:
“ I vant you to gife dot loaver a plast
in der papers.”
“ What loafer?”
“Dot son iiv a gun dot bate me zen
tollar he eat four gwail a day for thirty
respectable days.”
“ Lid he win?”
“ Vin nuttings! Ho 1 een von sehw'n
dler! Ober he eooms in mine house
again, I schlag him mil a pung-starter.”
Our German friend was too much ex
asperated to proceed intelligently; but
his clerk explained that the sad-eyed
man called regularly for four days, eat
: ing four quails each day, together with
' et ceteras. and on departing the fourth
day paused on the threshold, bowed
low to the proprietor, praised his excel
lent cooking, said he would take pleas
ure in recommending our place to his
friends and promised to see us later,
“ when quails are ripe next year,” and
he was gone.
“Dot’s it!” exclaimed the frenzied
and apoplectic proprietor; "dot’s t.
i und I vant you to gife him a plast in
j /> r Cincinnati Enquirer."
The reporter promised that the En
[ quirer would give him a broadside that
would lift him clear out of water. — Cin
cinnati Enquirer.
A Round Million.
The Binghamton (N. Y.) News is re
sponsible for the statement that a new
electric machine has been inven ed and
patented by a young man named El
mer Sperry, a resident of Cortland,
which is thought by good judges to
meet the requir-ments of the times to
such a degree that he has secured the
sum of $1,000,000 for his share in it
from interested parties in Chicago.
While at work upon it bringing it to
perfection his pecuniary necessities
obliged him to seek aid fiom a couple
of ( ortland's well-known capitalists,
but in this he failed. Not to be discour
aged. and with the undaunted pluck of
an inventor, he subsequently sec red
the desired aid of the Cortland Wagon
Company, a member of which I rm fur
nished him with the necessary means to
fo on with his invention until he
rought it to that degree of per ection
that he could privately exhibit it and
apply for a patent. Shortly therea ter
the inventor took hs electric ma hine
to Syracuse, and put into the hands of
some parties to test and examine it.
They were so well satisfied with its
workings that they oTered him $100,
000 for his right therein. He left the
machine with these parties for sonio
time for their test and examination,
which eventuated in the offer above
named, but which was not accepted.
The new electric machine is said to be
.simple and unlike anything else ye.
brought forth in this direction, and ft is
thought it may supersede, or at least
pro\e a very powerful and effective
rival to all the other electric machines
thus far in use. The inventor began
work u on it when he was but twenty
years of age, and, being n->w in his
twenty-third year, he has brought his
work to such a state of complet on in
three short years that parties in Chica
go, to whom he has shown it, and who
at once became interested in it, have
offered $1,000,000 for the patent, which
has been accepted. The voting man,
we are told, is an orphan, and poor;
but bis fortune and name are now
made on all of which we heartily con
gratulate him.
—A pine tree was lately cut on the
Ab'al Merrill lot at Topshaui, Me-,
which surveyed 4.460 feet.
Imoranro In the Repnbllc*
We have always supposed ourselves
to t e a well-educated Nation, but ( on>
miss oner Ea'on lias recently warned us
not to lay too much of this flattering
unction to our souls. If we are. indeed,
an educated people it is not more a
matter of pride than necessity, and if
we lack educational advantages wc are
simply packing dynamite in our ware
house, forgetful of future possibilities.
Bismarck’s theory of political economy
is that the State should make the people,
but our theory is that the people should
make the State. Republicanism de
pends for its perpetuity solely on the
ability of the masses to think. When
they i ease to think republ cani-m ceases
to exist, and ust in proportion to their
ability to indulge in the luxur.- of per
sonal convictions is our Government
strong or weak. An illiterate peasantry
need a ruler and a standing army, but
graduates from common schools can
rule themselves and allow the army to
range over the Western prairies in
search of Indians.
It is not only interesting but also sug
gestive to once in a while trlanee at cer
tain gr m and prophetic statistics. As
a general rule they art “extra drv,”
but they are frequently -trrn in the les
sons they teach. As the engineer must
needs keep a sharp eye on the steam
gauge, bceatise both speed and safety
are thereby indicated, so must the
American peop’e jealously watch the
nun hinery of education When they
become conscious of any relaxation of
effort or any want of elKe'enev in this
direction they recognize an immediate
and an imperative duty. If we arc told
that in this country there are live mill
ion children of school age who never
attend school, and that in our cities
two fifths of the children of school age
never go to school, we put on oiirthink
ing caps and wonder what it all means
and what is the logical con-equence of
the fact. We can afford to have parties
go to pieces if that is their deliberate
wish, because the pieces will be
put together again n a bet
ter shape; we can afford to have
cerla n monopol'sts go on in their
mad career, because thev arc sure to
discover the end of their tether by a
sudden jerk some day, but the one
thing we can not a ’or,l is to have mill
ions of children grow up in ignorance.
There should be no law in the land so
imperative as that which compels our
youth, at any sacrifice, at all hazards,
to know li iw to read and write. It is
our supreme business to demand thus
much, not more for the sake of these
wret hed children than for our own
sakc< and for the protection of our in
stitutions in the future. Five million
ignorant thildren mean that number of
degraded and perhaps criminal homes
twenty years hence and a large body
of voters who know just enough to re
cc ve a bribe.
Every illiterate family is a danger
signal or a twisted rail on the track of
National progress. The only despotism
which is becoming in a republic is the
uncompromising demand that every
child shall be intellectually fitted to be
come a e tizen, and that despotism
should be relentless and unforgiving.—
AT. ¥. her a d.
Buying a Valentine.
I ate .vesterday evening a rather spite
ful looking man. about forty years of
age, entered the establishment of an
Austin newsdealer, and began examin
ing the five-cent gems of art that were
spread out on the counter in pictur
esque profusion.
“What sort of a valentine are you
looking or? ’ asked the proprietor.
“I would like to have something se
vere to send a feller who has been pes
tering me to pay for some groceries I
bought n year or so ago. the low-down
pernicious cuss. He is a sailer com
plected sort of a fraud, and lo >ks as if
he had been caught trying to swindle
somebody. 1 want s nnething that will
just blister him all over.”
The newsdealer looke 1 over his val
entines, and calh d the attention of the
would-be purchaser to a-picture of a
man with a pumpkin shaped ex<*res
cence growing out of his face. The word
“Cheek” was under the picture.
“That will hurt him.” That hitshim
In a sore place where he is at home.
Only yesterday ho had the sublime
cheek to tell me that I was just as wel
come to those groceries I didn’t pay
for. as if l had stolen them. He hasn’t
got bow legs like that picture, but I’ll
make him a present of them, in the
picture. Now I want one right ugly
one that will make his wi'e’s uncle
squirm. He has a crooked nose and
smiles like an alligator.”
“Has he got a red nose with a pim
ple on it?” asked the newsdealer, who
was anxious to please, holding up a
chromo of a bad looking man adorned
with those identical marks of personal
beauty, the pimple being about as large
as a potaio.
‘•My wife’s uncle has not got that
kind of a nose, but I’ll take that one all
the same. It just tits my sister’s hus
band, who refused to go on my boud
when I was indicted for pounding him
with a club. It’s a little too flattering
for a portrait of him, and I'll tell him
so when 1 see him,” added the man who
was anxious to conci iate h:s kinfolks.
“If your wife's mother has got red
hair, wears specs and dips suuff, here
is something that will n:akc her hopping
mad,” observed the newsdealer, hold
ing up a picture that would have justi
fied Satan himself in bringing a libel
suit.
“None of that.” said the man, turn
ing pale, as the beads of perspiration
appeared ou h:s forehead. “If 1 was
living in Alaska, and she didn’t know
where I was I could afford to take such
risks. 1 would just as leave lean up
agin a mule’s propeller to rest myself,
hs to send her a picture like that. Just
let that p'eture stay where it is,” and
gathering up his purchases he went out
on his mission of reconciliation. — Tejtas
Si/linjs.
—A gentlemen of moment, in fact the
Rev. Alfred H. Moment, has- been
lecturing in New York on the power of
the press, which he considers unlimited
for good in the world. At present there
are 8 ‘,000 papers in this country, which
indicate a power that no individual can
calculate. Rut it must be adin tted
there is a strong influence for evil
wrought by obedience to the morbid
public craving for scandal and low-lif*
in ident.«,—Indianapolis Journal.
PERSONAL AND LITER ART.
—Tom Thumb enjoys the dis’inelion
of being the shortest Knght Templar
in the world.
—Mi. Spurgeon has received $i,5h0
sis royalty on the sale in America of
•‘The Treasury of David.”
—M. 'c Vieompte D" Hnussonvillo.
who lias written a look on America,
says that even the third-rate papers in
the United States are bettor than the
leading journals of Paris.
—The step-daughter of Attorney
Ceneral Drowsier received .fl.'.OuO
worth of wedding presents, including
forty yards of ro.al purple satin, the
linest made in China, from the Chinese
Minister.
—lor the first time it is said, in the
history of the < 'ana ia i i’arl anient,
ath r and s< n are sitting as members
of the -ame House of Commons The
gentle 1 on are (Sir Charles Tu. per and
Mr. Char es H. Topper.
—The late Marshall Jewell directed
in his will that tre-li flowers shall 1 e sent
every Saturday to his daughter
Horence (Mrs. Strong, of Detroit) as
long as she lives, and set aside a
sum of money therefor.—Hartford
l\s'.
—Ind a supplies Central Asia with
mo-t o: its books, and everv \ ear the
demand increases. The books most in
favor are those dealing with religion
and poetry; next in popularity come
wo ks on modem history, warfare and
educational subjects.
—“Singers,” sail Mine, Christine
Nilsson to a St. l.ouis reporter, “reach
their maturity between the ages of
thirty-eight and forty-two. 1 think
Patti is Hist perfect now. I heard her
sing in Cincinnati the other night. She
is grand: she can not improve; she will
grow weaker after this. Singers may
last lint 1 they are fifty without break
ing down, but they seldom continue
beyond that point.
—The Denver Tribune thinks Albani,
the singer, is destined to lad. There
lias not been a breath of s andal about
lier. This will do for a joke, b ;t as a
matter of fact, the most successful and
best-beloved singer that ever appeared
in this country was Parepa-Rosa. pure,
loving and gracious. Scandal is by no
means essential 1o artiste success, as
Jenny Lind, larepa, Nilsson, Miss
Cary, Miss Kellogg have demonstrated.
—Del roil Dost.
—Miss Susan B. Anthony has had
numerous birthdays, and man, pres
ents from her friends. In this country
there arc alleged wits who Ind Miss
Anthony’s age a subject for a three-line
paragraph. Gentlemen, it is time to
stop. Miss Anthony is a good-looking,
modest, sensible, learned, and, in so
ciety, somewhat timid lady, whose years
have brought honor to her. No more
jokes, gentlemen: and only this regret
—that Miss Anthony, who is genetous,
had not condescended to Le our mother
in-law.—y. Y. Herald.
HUMOROUS.
“l)wo vas schoost enough, budt
dree was too blendty,” remarked Hans,
when his best girl asked him to take
her mother along with him to the
dance.
- The young man who practices on
the trombone in the back yard is not a
“private tooter.” At least, not as
private as h s neighbors des re.—Nor
ris'.oum Hi raid.
—Joaquin Miller says that flowers are
queer. Any matt caught throwing a
ltouquet to a favorite actress sho Id be
immediately arrested for “shoving the
queer.”—Check.
—A r'ch broker has been sued by his
washerwoman for services rendered.
Such is the t'at-irony of fate. If he
doesn’t settle he should be coilared and
cuffed. -.V. Commercial.
—First small girl -“I know what
I’m going to be when I grow up!”
Second ditto—“What are you going to
be when you grow up?” First small
girl—“A widder. ”—American Queen.
—An Englishman made the members
of the St. George’s Citib, at San An
tonio, believe that he had fallen lie r to
an estate, and he borrowed wealth from
them. The St. George is now spoken of
as a "stuffed club.”
—"No, Ican’twrite in cold blood.” re
marked Fenderson; "1 have to be
thoroughly warmed up to do good
woik.’ "The same is true of the goose
the tailor uses,” murmured Fogg in a
stage whisper.—Boston 1'ranscript.
—“M:yy Jane.” said Dickey, "isn’t
this too cold for potati es?” "Dicker,”
said Mary Jane, "it isn’t cold that takes
off t e potatoes; it’s con-umption.
“Oh,” said Dickey, "I never lived on a
farm.”—Loniivil e Courier-Jouma'.
—An Austin colored preacher gave
out as his text “What dost thou?”
and announced that he would take up
a collection, whereupon a respectable
portion of the congregation got up and
dusted. His question was answered.—
Texas Siftings.
—An ignorant housemaid, who had to
call a gentleman to dinner, found him
using a toothbrush. "Well, is he com
ing?” said the lad}' of the house, when
the servant returned. "Yes ma’am,
d reetly; he’s just sharpening his teeth.”
—Vrank Celia, a New York four
} ear-old, ran out of the house to avo’d
kissing some femn'e relatives from the
country an 1 got lost. The police p’cked
li m up nearly two miles from home
after wandering all n:ght. His first
wonts to h s over joyed father were:
“ Is they gone?”—,V. Y. limcss
—A polite little girl was shown aset < f
playthings and a doll, and was asked
which she would have. ishe looked at
the doll, which was a fine one, and
then drawing her mother’s head down
she whispered: “I would rather have
the play things, but please don’t tell
the doll.”—ihe Continent.
- John I eary, aged fourteen years,
and James lewis, age 1 twelve, have
been committed for trial in Hobo en on
the charge of stealing an ash kettle
The prisoners admit ed that they had
taken it, and they said they had sold it
for fifteen cents. “What did you do
with the monev?” asked Recorder Mc
Donough. “We divided it, sir,” said
Leary. “I got seven cents and Lewis
the same.” “Well, what did you do
with the odd cent?” "We bought a
cigarette and broke it in two.”—X Y.
Herald.
Temperance.
I>H. (.REESE OS ALCOHOLIC STIJI
l’ LASTS.
(Extrret from a Paper Read by R. fireene, M.
f>.. < f Boston. b<- o o One of the Mollcal So
cl t es of that t 'ity.l
There seems to exist a force of habit,
or prevailing fashion, among physicians
to prescribe alcohol c stimulants upon
nearly all occasions and I believe tney
do so without considering the evils
which are likely to result from their
use. or realizing t lie responsibility which
really rests upon them as individuals, and
as members of the medical profession.
All intoxicating stimulants are inju
rious, and when taken into the human
system have the effect, first to excite,
tfien to depress, the entire vital force.
As the habit of using intoxicants is in
creased, the desire for food and tho
power to assimilate it is diminished. This
fact be omes more apparent as the
habit increases, and in the stages im
med atelv pre eding the delirium tre
mens the desire for tood and the jiower
to dige*rnnd assimilate it arc entirely
suspended.
Alcohol is neither food nor medicine.
It cannot add one molecule to the plasm
out of which out bodies are daily built
up. On the contrary, it exerts upon
the whole an nia! economy a most dele
terious inl’uence. It does not supply,
but diminishes, vital force. It weakens
the nerves, deadtns the sensibilities,
and lessens the power of the system to
res st disease, or to recover from its
e.ects.
Aleohol'c stimulants may serve a pur
pose in bridging over attacks of sinking
or prostrat on, and physicians may, and
often do, interpret such momentary ex
altation as favorable to life and health,
and so continue their use. But the in
cited activity produced by syeh stimu
lants does not last many hours, and
can not be extended for any great length
of time even by the continued use of the
stimulants, because the depressing
etl'cc's, which' are sure to follow their
use. more than counteract their power
to stimulate. Alcohol may keen up an
excitement of the system for a time, but
it can not nourish or sustain the vital
force. It inflames the stomach, weak
ens the power of digestion and assimila
tion. and can not be long continued
without disastrous results.
Do you mean to say that you do not
approve of alcoholic stimulants under
any circumstancesiJ is a question asked
me very frequently, and with real ear
nestness. by phys'eians and so-called
Temperance men, who have not yet seen
their way to total abstinence.
They have many examples to relate
of the good d ine by beer, wine, whisky
and brandy, but I believe their estimate
o the good ac omplishedby these stim
ulants is erroneous.
I have often witnessed cases where
alcoholic stimulants had been given for
days and even weeks, when the attend
ing physicians seemed to think that
their patients had been kept alive upon
such stimulants, when it seemed to me
evident they had survived in spite of the
liquors and would have recovered much
sooner without them: and I have seen
other patients succumb who it would
seem might have recovered from their
disea-es but from the additional shock
produced bv the use of such stimulants.
In the case of a patient rapidly sink
ing, I might perhaps administer whisky
or brandy, were nothing else at hand,
but with the firm belief that the object
would have been more satisfactorily
attained by harmless medicines.
As a result of thirty years of pro
fessional experience and practical ob
servation, I feel assured that alcoholic
stimulants are not required as medicine,
and 1 believe that many, if not a ma
jority of physicians to day, of education
and experience, are sat'sticd that alco
holic stimulanis as medicines are worse
than useless, and physicians generally
have only to overcome the force of
habi', and the prevailing fashion in
medicine, to find a more excellent way,
when they will a'l look back with won
der and suprise that they, as individuals
and as members of an h nored profes
sion, should have been so far com
promised.
William E. Dodge.
Soon after Mr. Dodge’s death, at a
special mooting of the Hoard of Man
agers of the National Temperance So
ciety and Publication House, held ia
New York City. T. A. Brouwer, in
the chair, the following resolutions wera
unanimously adopted:
Whkkias, It has pleased God to remote
from the activities of life our beloved brother
and honored President, William E. Dodge-,
therefore we. the Board of .Vanagers of the
National Temperance Society and Publication
House, desire to put on record—alike as a wit
ness to the high regard in which we have just
ly held him and to the deep sense or the loss
we have sustained—this tribute to bis rntas
ory.
For more than fifty years a total abstainer,
one of the founders of our Soc ety, its first
and only President, the past eighteen vears of
united service have bound us very closely to
him and intensified to a high degree our esti
mate of his great worth.
We have found in him a willing worker, a
wise leader, an efficient officer. As judicious
as he was energetic, a< courageous In his prin
ciples as he was generous with his time and
money, he was always and everywhere a con
sistent exemplar of the blessings of a total-ab
stinent life.
His well-known activity, though beyond
three«s-Y'ri--and-tcn. and the multitude aud
variety of his services to the cause of Christ,
a!test the worth of the principles ho so elo
quently esp used. Our sincere rtejret for bis
loss is modified by the rem-mbrauS. that it is
his gain who rests henceforth from\ j labors,
an i that his works do follow him
With adeep sense of the weight of sorrow
which has fallen so suddenly upon the stricken
household we tender to them, aud especially
to h i honored son, our associate. Norman W
Dodge, the sineerest sympathies of our
hearts.
That a double portion of bis spirit may de
S'cud upon his sous and upon this Board is the
prayer of those who h ive teen more heavily
bereaved than woris can tell.
Arautord. That the Board attend in a body tbe
funeral services.
The sorrow which intemperance
causes was sadly i.lustrated in a New
York court the other day when a drunk
en mother was sentenced to the Island
for six months. One of her little girls
beggad the father in piteous tones:
“Ob, papa, papa, don't send mamma
away." The husband, however, would
not relent, and the mother was taken
into the prison with a baby in her arms.
The GoV,et—
Touch the e-oblet no more!
It will make the heart sore
To its very oort!
Its perfume Is Use breath
Of the Angel of death!
And the light ihat within tt bee
Is the bash of his evil eyes!
Beware. O beware!
For sickness, sorrow and c*re
All are there 1