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VOLUME I. BROOK HAVEN, MI SSI SSI l>I»I, THURSDAY, PKCEMBKK 27, 1883, NUMBER 45.
7HE NEWSPAPER ENGLISH OF
THE FUTl RE.
Picked up a paper here to-day,
And l*v m\ condolence, I must say
Tu.it* I lie) Ho write In the funniest way.
come time ago, over my cup,
\\ i;it sound asleep -just woke up;
\hi-t have been—well, let me see—
|.i_diheii hundred sixty-three,
i (,\\s • nine along- hells would tinkle—
l me up—a second old Winkle;
l ,■!| asleep hy their say-so,
Muc and thirty jcurs ugo.
About that paper? I w as struck
Ail in a heap, sir: Just my luck;
•• Miss Susan Smillcr willrlonttc
S< vt Thursday evening. * I stood mute:
.Sever. in all my life, had heard
hi such an outlandish, barbarous word.
Flocute? Klocute? I declare!
1 hit hiv whisker** and pulled my hair;
Il(H.Ucd in my Webster, it wusn t there.
(,;ive the thing up in wild despuir—
Paid to myself—“ It’s mighty quair."
Pretty near choked myself with rage;
j'apc r wt forth on another page—
wonderful piece ol local news—
•• people up tow n are going to nithusf."
And the n this thing gets worse und worse—
*• To-morrow the citizens anniver*e,ft
“July Fourth, happy to state
Folks are all going to drdarate.**
Think id better shut upshot)—
•*Mr. A. lb is a philanthmp!*
And then, look lu re, w hy bless my eyes,
What in tho world is •• hismarcJtizr f**
Fycs of mine, ran you be trusted?
“i 'oal-oil factory all mmhvs'nt!"
• f I' nnitn nrh your fayoritc fruits’"
“ Mexinin F.mpire n . olut'*!"
.In / since the days 1 went to school.
What sort of a thing's a "ita'pmdiculcl**
Heading along, why, bless my fate,
• b ie'sa man who is going to orntf.
Why. what on earth’s this paper about?
J i tro .-lark mad if I don’t find out.
Mu>t 1»«• French, and yet I vow
I never heard of tin* word till now.
I'oldingthe paper, undecided,
:t|f-sM me, some one's hotniridvd,
• ill, my coevals, show to mo
Tin; good old English of ’03.
I .aid down the paper right away,
I'or, by my conscience, 1 must say
That tin y do write in tlie funniest way.
—A. 1”. Uraphic.
SUENEN IN A MADHOUSE.
A Tnlk with a Billionaire—A (iwting from
the King of Ireland—A Young Man Who
Think* he Can Tut a Suspension Bridge
Across the Atlantic'—The Violent Ma
niacs.
‘•Here you will see tlie people who
own the world and everything in it.”
This is what Dr. Troutman, of Ward's
Island, told me as he led me to the first
ward nf the insane asylum one Wednes
day not long ago. Dr. T routman is the
assistant superintendent there, and lie
was very polite to me. The Doctor put
a polished brass key into the big oaken
doer, and, admitting me into a long
corridor with a tloor scrubbed until it
shone like wax, quietly locked tlie door
again and dropped the key into his
pocket, droops of men, nearly all
dr. sx-d alike in grayish clothes, were i
walking about aimlessly. Some were !
talking to their lingers in an animated !
fa-hion; others were having an earnest
d bate with the blank wall; two were
talking to each other simultaneously,
but what in the world they said I
couldn’t make out. An orderly
in a blue uniform walked about
among them. Two keys dangled below
bis waistcoat. They were fastened to a I
stout cord tied around his waist. This
was done to prevent the pat ents from
taking the keys from the orderly to use
as weapons. What particularly struck ,
me as 1 surveyed tlie strange scene was
that nearly all the lunatics had high
foreheads. It forcibly impressed me
with the truth of the saving of a certain
anonymous modern philosopher, that it
requires the possession of brains to be
come a lunatic.
“These men.” the Doctor said to me,
“are the paralytics. There is no hope
for them. Their disease is fatal. It is
general paralysis. Here you see, for
example, one of our billionaires.”
The'Doctor stopped to shake hands'
with a little man with a thoughtful ;
look.
“Yes. yes,” ho cried, in an animated j
tone, “i’m worth just one hundred j
thousand millions of dollars, and the
fortune is increasing day after day.”
“ Y'ou see,” remarked the Doctor, in j
a kindly tone, “our friend here is labor
ing under one singular disadvantage.
He possesses all this vast wealth, and
yet a power holds him back so that he
can’t get at it. But he is perfectly hap
py in the consciousness that it is in
creasing steadily. Every yacht that
passes here he will tell you is his, and
all the vast shipping of the ocean is
operated in his interest.”
The lunatic gazed at the Doctor with
a look of real gratitude, ami shook
hands heartily with me as we passed
on, stopping now and then to note other
interesting examples of mental halluci
nation.
"How old areyou to-day, myfriendP”
the Doctor asked one patient with a
strikingly prominent forehead.
“ Mow, it’s difficult to estimate that,”
said the patient with a smile. “ My
methods are different from the ordinary
world’s. I have been here long, very
long. I (ind by careful computation
that 1 am three times the circumference
of the world old.”
“But 1 am the Spirit of God,” cried
another, running up lest we should
miss him. “ Don t forget that, please.
All the women of the world are my
wives. I am going to have more, too.
1 have lived thousands of years as a
spirit. I can see you all; but you can’t
see me. I have wings and 1 fly through
the air seeking to better the condition
of mortals. Yes, yes, we’re having a
beautiful day, a beautiful day, but not
half so beautiful as the Spirit of the
Good. I wish you farewell,” and he
ran off.
a brooding lunatic caught me by the
baud as we passed further on by the
neat and airy rooms. “ How do you
do? how do you do?” he cried heartily.
“ You are my old friend. You see I am
King of Prussia now and you are all
niy subjects.”
‘‘Who else are you to-day?” inquired
the Doctor, patting the patient on the
back encouragingly.
“Ah! yes, the King of Ireland, too.”
“ And something else?”
“ The Rook of Truth.”
‘‘Now, what else are you to-day?”
’I he lunatic appeared annoyed. He
frowned and exclaimed: “The King of
Prussia, King of Ireland, and the Rock
of Truth; for pity’s sake, ain't that
enough for one day?”
We went to the opposite end of the
ward, and the Doctor turned and bid
the patients all good day, and they re
turned his salute courteously, all smil
ing and full of glee. •Then he opened
the door, and locked it behina him
t’trefully and (juickly
“They will all be that way until they ^
die,” he said, as we were ascending the
stone steps leading to another ward.
“It is the happiest form of the disease.
They gradual!}' lose all control of them
selves, so far as the power to talk and
wnlk and think is concerned. Then
they die. Life goes out like a flicker- !
ing candle. The next ward will show
you types of what are known as chronic j
cases. They, too, have hallucinations.” |
We went through the ward as before.
One of the most interesting patients
was a young man whose brain had got
tangled up hopelessly about the Brook
lyn Bridge. He consumes an amazing
quantity of foolscap paper and lead
pencil daily figuring out his plans for
bridging the Atlantic by a suspension
bridge. He will sit down and demon
strate its possibility by ligures when
ever a visitor will listen.
Another patient was an elderly man,
who had once been a professor in Col
umbia College. Since he has been in
the asylum lie has written a work oft
art, and is now daily occupied on a text
book on the calculus. The ex-professor
talked with perfect clearness and sanity
upon learned subjects, but he was pos
sessed with the idea that both the Hoc
tor and myself were what he called
dogs in the manger, and keeping him
from his freedom.
A one-legged patient seemed over- i
joyed when lie caught sight of me. He
bowed low, held out nis hand, and j
cried: “Ha! welcome to our home.’’j
The next instant the man was hopping
up and down the corridor in his one (
rubber boot, frantically waving a pair
of crutches. 11c seemed in a delirium :
of delight, but it was not over pleasant
to watch his antics. The Doctor waited
until he had locked the door behind him
and we were once more Upon the stair
way, and then said:
“ That man is shod with rubber be-|
cause he has an unpleasant habit of J
kicking people. He killed his father-in '
law in a tit of frenzy and has been here
ever since.”
As we continued our journey each j
succeeding case presented features of
more and more violent mania. It was j
getting decidedly uncomfortable and it I
needed the Doctor's cool. Unconcerned j
demeanor and the presence of orderlies
to keep the spirits from sinking. The j
lunatics crowded around me with an J
eagerness and interest that was abso
lutely oppressive in its strain upon my
nerves. 1 shall never forget the terri
ble glare of their restless, glittering
eyes. One man fastened his eyes upon
me the moment 1 entered and never
took them off while 1 remained in the j
ward. He followed me everywhere, I
and I could feel his eyes, almost, even
when my back was turned to him. Be
fore we left this ward the Doctor went
into a workshop in an alcove of the cor
ridor and displayed rugs, mats and
brooms. The workmanship was very
good, indeed.
“ The lunatics make all these them
selves,” said he. “ It gives them relief
to have occupation. The rugs are
made from bits of their own old clothes.
They use knives to cut the brooms with.
We allow them knives to work with.”
I breathed easier when the door was
locked on the lunatics.
By the time we had been through
seven or eight wards I had seen all of
the insanity I wanted to see. The re
membrance of it will last for years. I
begged to be excused from further
sightseeing,
“ You have not seen the really vio
lent ca-es,” said the Doctor quietly.
“In one of the upper wards we have to
go along the wall sideways and keep
our eyes upon the lunatics, lest they
should steal up behind us unawares and
strike us. It is a life of constant
watchfulness on our part. The patients
sometimes secrete the spoons they are
given to eat with. Then they grind the
handle down to a tine edge when they
get into the cells. A spoon becomes a
very ugly dagger after this operation.
We can never tell when a patient will
be seized with a homicidal mania.
Three physicians were killed here with
in a year. The physicians never carry
arms. We ail carry whistles and blow
them when attacked. The orderlies
come to our aid at the alarm. No one
is ever allowed to use violence toward
the patients. Some months ago a pa
tient seized my hand with his iceth and
tried to bite it off. I only saved myself
from severe injury by pressing his head
back and holding my hand aga nst his
teeth until the orderly came to my as
sistance.”
When 1 had gflt back once more to
the office the Doctor said:
“We are receiving more and more
patients here every week. As civiliza
tion advances it is found that insanity
increases. Some of the queerest things
the mind of man ever could conceive of
get into the twisted brains of these un
happy people. The)- are truly to be
pitied.”
I looked out at that moment upon the
rather pleasing prospect that forms a
picture which the lunatics may watch
from the corridor windows. Twenty or
thirty men were busy with picks,
shovels and wheelbarrows laying a new
pathway along the greensward.
“We let them work as you see,” con
tinued the Doctor. “These men are all
inmates, but they are the quieter pa
tients.”
Alterwaru i saw me types 1 nau ion
behind all duplicated in the Emigrant
Asylum on another part of the Island.
In one part female lunatics were, con
tined. To get to the asylum I had to
pass the lunatics at work on the walk.
! 1 made the journey in time which I felt
would do credit to a professional pedes
trieune. I didn't stop to view the
scenery.
•• You were foolish to be frightened,’’
I said Mr. Peck, the Superintendent.
| “By exhibiting fear or uneasiness you
give a lunatic an immense advantage
over you. If you look them straight in
the eye and slhow by your bearing that
you mean to have no nonsense, you can
control them. They are really very
cowardly,”
“Yes,” said another official, “in an
outbreak of massed men I would rather
face the lunatics here than the men over
there at the Penitentiary. The lunatics
lack concentration of purpose. If one
becomes violent and attacks a keeper, it
is a hundred to one that the others will
fall to and help the keeper.'’ While the
keeper was talkipg I heard that a quiet,
inoffensive, melancholic patient had
. pearly cut his head off with an old
razor ho found in a heap of rags in a
collar. I waited for no more, but start
ed for the Commissioners' boat. The
last view of lunacy I got was the spec
tacle of a grinning man. who shouted
good-by to me over the wide expanse
of a huge necktie, on which he had
fastened the brass cover of a square
inkstand which had an agate set in its
center.
As I got in the elevated cars, home
ward bound, two white-haired sages
with very intellectual faces sat down
opposite me, and by a singular coinci
dence began to discuss the proposition
that the white human race is com
posed simply of the victims of hallu
cination.
“ Why." said one to the other, “there;
arc philosophers who assert that people
who think they live are deluded. The
idea that there is any such thing as life
is simply a wild flight of the imagina
tion."
“ Yes,” remarked Mr. Diogenes,
when ho joined me at supper and 1 told
him what the man said, “that philoso
pher is more or less correct.. We arc all
crazy on some things. I have seen a
man who saw three Kings get mad. It
is notorious that plumbers* bills drive
people crazy. Careful students have
also found that women are crazy on the
subject of dress. But we'll not d'seus
that, for the lodge meets to-night and J
must go at once.”
That is the kind of lunacy I have to
put up with seven days in the week.
Oh, yes, If it really requires brains to
make a man a bona-fide loon, nature
has saved Mr. Diogenes all danger of
ever becoming the inmate of an asylum.
—“ Mrs. Diogenes*” in ,V. Y. Sun.
■ —' ■■ 9 9~ 9
A Chapter on tile Newly Married.
After the honeymoon is over, in which
each lives in the seventh heaven of
Miss, ami is blind to all outward sur
roundings, there comes a day when the
mere matter-of-fact duties begin, and
they settle down to the realit'es of life.
The habits, the manners and the tem
pers are things that neither knows any
thing about in the other, and that which
was long concealed in an engagement
for months is quickly revealed in the
close relationship of married life. Some
little habit that the bachelor or maiden
has formed rasps to rawness the nerves
of the other, and the determinations on
either side to break the other of the
fault only chafes and frets both without
attaining the object. He thinks that
home life should till their every thought.
She thinks a little society and gayetv
would be preferable. He is tired when
he comes home at night, tired of seeing
people, tired of talking to them: he has
been in a whirl all day. She has moped
by herself through the same long hours
in the “love of a cottage” that seemed
so poetical to talk about, or has spent a
dreary time, solitary and alone, through
a cheerless winter day in her room at
their boarding house, and is only kept
from downright rebellion by the thought
that when “ Charlie ” comes home they
will go to the theater, or to see “ mu."
Then there is disappointment on both
sides. She thinks ne is "real mean"
because he does not indorse her plans,
and he thinks she is downright silly to
wish to leave such a co/y fireside and
such a comfortable little home place for
any other spot on earth.
She has always found her "1 wills”
and "1 won’ts” the law and the gospel,
and ten chances to one Charlie yields to
her imperial highness, and is forever
after a hen-pecked husband. But if
that same Charlie is wise, and can con
vince his "little wife” without wound
ing her, he has forever won, not only
her heart, but her judgment: and she
looks up to and respects lam for his
firmness.
It is very seldom the case that the
first months of married life arc the hap
piest, and it takes a big stock of love
and good sense to launch a couple over
the breakers into a smooth, open, mat
rimonial sea. The faults that are dis
covered. the weaknesses that are shown,
the foibles that arc betrayed, can only
be met with forbearance, if a pair hope
for a blissful future: then every after
year confirms their oneness of heart, of
sympathy and of purpose, and anv
couple of this kind long married will
tell you they arc happier after all those
years than they were the day they were
married.—Detroit Post and tribune.
Oil, Mamma.
“ Mamma,” said a pretty young
woman of Clifton, “1 have been reading
an interesting article on the wearing of
the hair among Japanese women and
its significance.”
“ What does it say?”
“ Well among other things, it says
much may be read from the arrange
ment of a woman's hair —”
“1 think it is different in America,”
interrupted the mother.
“ Why, mamma?”
“Ahem, daughter; I should say,
judging from the way you looked after
Henrv went away last night that much
may be read in the dis-arrangement of a
woman’s hair.”
“Oh, mamma!”—Merchant Traveler.
—Bob Burdette lias invented a cap
ital svreeu against the widow-opening
fiend. It is this: When the party in
front of you on a railroad car opens a
window on a cold day just twist a news
Eaper into a semi-funnel shape and
old it at such an angle thatjyou will be
protected and the draught be directed
against the back of the neck of the win
dow-opener.—N. Y. Graphic.
—The following is vouched for as a
word-for-word copy of a notice posted
upon a patent gate exhibited at the
Louisville (Ky.) Exposition: “Evry,
won, should, .ee, and, try, this, lovely,
gate, it, is. just, what, you, want, dout,
you, Morne, live, hundred, solde, in,
this, state, every, one, thinks, its, the,
best, gate, they, ever, heirn, tell, on, git,
wun.’'—Buffalo Express.
—Jackson County, Florida, boasts
among other curiosities a natural well,
formed by the sinking of earth near
Greenwood a few months ago; a natu
ral bridge of limestone across the Chip
ola River, about three miles above Ma
riana, formed bv the river sinking for
the distanoe of half a mile, and unex
plored caves too numerous to mention,
—Detroit Post. _
—dThe average in Texas is one hang*
ing to thirty murders. — Chicago Berat?.
Iluilroad Traveling in Europe.
The first thing that is likely to strike
an American traveling for the first time
in Europe, as being specially peculiar,
is the marked difference in the railroads
and their management, as compared
with ours at home. The ears are much
smaller than ours, being but little
larger than those used on our narrow
gauge roads. Each car is divided into
four or five compartments seating from
four to eight passengers. These com
partments are entered from the sides of
tlie ears, and are entirely separated
from each other. After one gels used
to the change, it is unite a plea-ant way
to travel Especially is this true if four
or five friends are traveling together:
they can u-ually have a section to them- j
selves, and ties is dccid ally pleasant. !
as we have already found. With a well
lilled lunch ba.-ket a (lav’s travel in one
of these rooms, with a couple of friends,
is very enjoyable indeed. You have
the same privacy and seclusion that you
woAld enjoy in vour own home.
On the whole, traveling here in much
cheaper than it is in America, first -
class tickets arc sold at about three
cents per mile: second-class, two cents;
third-class, one and a quarter cents;
fourth-class, at about three-fourths of a
cent. Then* is but little difference be
tween the lirst and second-class com
partments, both Icing very nicely up
iiolstered. ami quite comfortable. The
third-class lias < omfortablo scats, but
they arc not upholstered; and the fourth (
class is without scats. The second and
third-class ears are the more largely S
patronized, very few going first-class. I
have noticed many seemingly well-to
do people go into the fourth-class t ars.
Many who go fourth-class carry with
them e:unp -tools, while others stand
up during the entire journey. 1 hecars
run at ai out the same rate of speed that
we are used to at home, perhaps a trifie
slower, hut there is not a noticeable dif
ference in this respect.
There are also sleeping-cars (Scnlaf
Wie gen, as they arc called here) at
tached to the night trains.
Great care and caution is used to pre
vent accidents; especially is this the
case in the country where the public
roads across the railroad track. At
every one of the crossings a guard is
stationed, whose duty it is to open the
highway w hen any one wishes to ride
or diiv'd cross the railroad. At all
other times it is kept closed, and is only
opened when there is no danger from
an approaching train. People in Ger
many are not killed on railroad cross
ings.
'Phe same care extends to every de
partment of tin1 road. At the depots,
ropes arc stretched along the side of the
platform to prevent any one from being
tiirown under an incoming train, No
one is allowed to pas- immediately in
front of an engine when it is standing
at the depot. These and many other
precautions are taken that it might he
well for American railroads to import
and adopt.—Cor. Chicago Journal.
Convict Photograph-.
The convict who has to pose forhis por
trait is, of course, as well aware as the
operators of the purpose for which it is
required It is one which, assuming
that tlie rascal has no present intention
to abandon the crooked path and-walk
i 1 the straight, can be no other than
inimical to his future welfare. His
study, therefore, is to make it as little
like him as possible. To manage this,
he need not seek to disguise his natural
expression of countenance by extrava
gant contort:ons. Were he to resort to
such flagrant device he would jeopard
ize his accumulated good conduct
money, and after all be compelled to do
what was required of him. But it is
easy to assume a joyous smile—the de
lightful prospect of speedy release suffi
ciently accounts for it --quite foreign to
Hits visage, to project the under jaw a
little, or purse the lips, or, as though
lost in innocent wonderment as to what
on earth they were taking his likeness
for, the convict may. without exciting
suspicion, so raise his eyebrows as for
tlie time to completely do away with
the scowl that is his natural wear
1 here are a dozen similar tricks,
which, judiciously practised, will
answer the purpose. That it is an
artifice commonly, if not invariably re
sorted to, is notorious. From time to
time I have had opportunities of nar
rowly comparing dozens of recently
executed convict photographs with the
originals, and l can positively say that
in no more than one instance in six is
the resemblance so unmistakable as to
leave no room for doubt. Indeed, it
would seem that the prison authorities
themselves are alive to the dcsirab lity
of strengthening the photographic evi
dence of identity, for of late the con
vict's right hand appears in the picture
as conspicuously as les face. With lingers,
spread, it is laid, knuckles outward, on
the man s breast, and, seen in that
prominent position, any peculiarity that
may characterize the limb is apparent
at a glance. At first thought there
may appear to be not much in this, but
it is an ascertained fact that if a hun
dred hard-working right hands were
closely examined, there would be found
no two passably alike. Apart from
such disfigurements as enlarged
knuckles, the effect of rheumatism or
accidental injury, or crooked fingers, or
scars, there is almost certain to exist
some distinguishing natural peculiarity
—au unusually thick thumb or fingers,
or an exceptionally broad or narrow
palm. A man may alter the expression
of his features, but his faithfully pho o
graphed hand will bear witness against
Fiim more reliably thau even his hand
writing.—Lumhn Tcleyraph.
—The snapping of an electric light
polo on Fifth Avenue, New York, let
wires down into the street fully charged.
A passing horse stepped on the wire
and received such a violent shock that
it was thing motionless to the ground,
and in attempting to lift the body of
the horse the driver received a shock
scarcely less energetic, being thrown
down. ' After a time the animal recov
ered sufficiently to walk to the stable,
but the shoek produced a fatal effect,
It is said that even the harness was so
charged that there was danger in touch
ing it.—N. Y. Herald.
—-- ♦ »
—Stock raisers in Sprague River Val
ley, Oregon, offer fifty dollars for each
bear killed.
SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY.
— The Baltimore As Ohio Railroad
Company will build twelve acres of
shops in Glenwood, five miles from
Pittsburgh.—Pulsbur;/h Post.
—The vibrations of machinery on up
per floors are said to be entirely stopped
by fiie introduction of a piece of rubber
between the base of the machine and
the tloor.
—Paper gas pipes are t he pipes of the
future They are cheaper, more dura
ble, and being poor conductors of heat
and cold the gas is far less likely to
freeze.—A’. Y. Herald.
—Herr Krupp, of Essen, lias taken
ont a patent on a flat-headed artillery
projectile. It tapers slightly at the
butt, and not only pierces the plates j
more easily than the pointed kind, j
which are apt to deflect when striking j
iron at certain angles, hut it is caicu- ;
lated to hit the iron-clads below the wa- j
ter line.
—It is thought that the earliest patent
in the United States was that granted by
the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to
Samuel Winslow, who had a method of
manufacturing salt. “None are to ]
make this article,” said the patent, ••ex
cept in a manner different from his pro
vided lie set up his works within a
year.”—Boston Transcript.
—A breeder of canary birds a short
time s lice conceived the idea of fe ■ding
a young bird with a mixture of steeped
bread and finely pulverized cayenne
pepper, with the view to changing the
color of its plumage. It is asserted up
on good authority that without injuring
the bird, the pigment of the spice passed
into the blood and dyed its plumage a
very deep red. — Troy Times.
—The Scientific American describes
the method by which the great cables of
tiie Pittsburgh (Pa.) Su-pension Fridge
was lately repaired. W hen a defective
piece of wire was found it was cut out
and a new piece of wire nicely spliced
in so as to bear the strain it ought to
sustain and no more. When the wires
were renewed the whole was coated
with linseed oil and then with white
lead.
In a paper read before the London
Society of Arts some interesting particu
lar- arc given as to the savings effected
by science in various industries.
Amongst others it is related that where
as the outside and inside husks of silk
cocoons used to be considered useless
and thrown away, they are now consid
ered of great value, and in the United
States alone from 1','Sio to 3,000 bales of
“waste silk” are used up annually at a
value of over $1,000,000.
-—A book-binder and paper-ruler ol
New London, Conn., has added one of
the most ingenious little pieces of labor
saving machinery of recent invention
to his very complete workshop. It is a
wire-stitching machine, which with one
motion of a lever forms a rectangular
staple, drives the end through the leaves
to he bound, and clinches them on the
under side. The wire is coiled upon a
wooden bobbin with a spring tension,
and is otherwise regulated by an auto
matic movable arm w hich seizes the re
quired length and feeds it to the cutters
with an accuracy and precision of move
ment that can not bo equaled by. the
most experienced craftsman.—Hartford
To t.
PITH AM) POINT.
—Adam is said to be the only man
who never tantalized his wife about
“ the way his mother used to cook.”
—A man confessed that he married
his wife because she was a good carver.
.That’s the kind of a help meat every
man wants.—7Ac Household.
- A man should never be ashamed to
own he has been in the wrong, which
is but saying, in other words, that lie is
wiser to-day than he was yesterday.—
Pope.
—An old bachelor says: “It is all
nonsense to pretend that love is blind.
1 nevgr knew a man in love that did not
see ten times as much in his sweetheart
as I could.”
Why can't somebody give us a list |
of things which everybody thinks and
nob >dy says, and another list of things
that everybody says and nobody thinks.
—Hr. O. IT. Holmes.
—A Western paper says “silk ker- j
chiefs knotted around the neck will be
much worn this season.” The West is
wetting very nice about such matters.
S'ot long since a rope was thought to
be good enough.—Philadelphia Cad.
—Another chair that came over in j
the Mayflower in 1620 has been diseov- j
ered. This makes the 246,784th. They I
must have considerably crowded the J
(>70,01)2cradles and the 401,8111 spinning
wheels that came over in the same ves
i set.—San Fraip'isco Chronicle.
—Of the new Post-office building in
Detroit, the Free Pi ess says: “Some
say that there will be a belfry with a
bell in it, and that the bell will ring
whenever there is a letter for anybody;
but such statements are roorbacks set
alloat to intluence the next election.”
—If at any tune you desire the wind ;
to change suddenly, take a pan of ashes,
go into the back yard, and, facing the
direction that you desire the wind to
blow from, quickly empty your pan.
All who have ever tried this rule have
never found it to fail. — H'/iit Hull
(AT. Y.) Times.
—One of the latest bits of society news
is that a Nob Hill family will be ta
booed in first circles this season, be
cause, at a recent dinner given by the
family, one of the items on the menu
was boiled onions, printed in English.
This is the most flagrant social offense
that has been committed in 8an Fran
cisco since 1849.—San Francisco Post.
—Dunilev was making an even:ng
call, and the nice little boy of the fam
ily had been allowed to remain up a lit
tie later than usual. “Ma,” he said
during a lull in the conversation, “can
whisky talk?” “Certainly not,” said
ma. “What put that absurd notion in
to your head?” “Well,” he replied,
“ I heard you say to pa that whisky
was telling on Mr. Dumley, and 1 want
ed to know what it said.”—Pl'.ila lelpkia
Call.
—In the little village of Milton, less
than a score of miles from Boston,
stands the old house where, about 1800,
Benjamin Crebore completed the first
jjiano constructed in American,^-Postow
r Temperance.
1 THE (HAST "OSCE."
A giant goes hunting without hound or park
lirfore you, Irebind you. Ah! woe and alack
For the boy that is found in this w icked one's
track.
When you’re out with the boys at recess to
play
He follows and tempts you the first oath to
say;
Then stop, and resolve you are not going tlmt
way.
When you're offered the fine-cut to smoke or
to chew.
And told you should do ns the other hoys do.
Stand, like a brave man, to your pledge and
be true.
Again, he will come with the dazzling wine,
And press you, though often you bow and de
cline.
To taste "only once,” it is so charmingly fine, j
Now these are the things that I bid you be
ware.
For you are the bird for the hunter to snare,
And “Once" is the giant; so, my boy, have a
care.
— Youth*' Temperance tanner.
ROBBIE'S TEMPERANCE PLEDGE.
Robbie Fletcher was a little boy eight
years old. He lived in a pleasant house,
and hail many nice toys to play with.
He had a nice mamma, too; “the
prettiest mamma I eter saw,” he used
to say.
One w inter Robbie was very sick a
long time with scarlet fever, and when
he began to get better he liked to be
tixed up in a big chair with pillows all
around him and look out of the win
dow. He could see down two streets,
for the house stood on a corner—way
down to the depot in one direction, and
as far as the school-house *n the other.
He used to watch for his papa. He I
knew just when the train came in, and
how long it would be before pa[>»
came out of the great depot door.
He loved, too, to see the boys going to
school and coming home. Those who
passed his house always stopped a min
ute, no matter how fast they were run
ning, and looked up and waved their
hands to Robbie. <iften they came in to
sec him, for they all loved him dearly.
One day, as Robbie sat as usual by
the window, his face was very sober,
and mamma, who was near by sewing,
heard a long sigh.
“ Are you getting tired, Robbie?” she
asked.
“No, mamma,” he replied, after a
minute, “only—I—do wish 1 could go
around with the boys again. They have
all just gone into \\ illie Dodge's for the
‘Blue Ribbon Boys,’ and Dick told me
yesterday how they were all getting the
boys over in the hollow to join, and—I
—can't do anything!”
Mamma sewed very busily for a few
minutes, and Robbie continued to look
wistfully down the street.
“I know of some you can ask to sign
the pledge,” she said, presently.
Robbie's eyes grew brighter, and he
asked eagerly: “Who, mamma, who?”
“ Robbie Fletcher’s servants,” mam
ma answered, smiling.
“ Robbie—Fletcher's—servants,” re
peated the little boy, slowly, with a
puzzled face. “Oh! do you mean Mary
and Ellen and Ben?”
“No; they are all my servant,s. I
mean your own. those who work for
you, and who do just what you tell
them.”
Again there was silence, and Robbie
wondered who they could possibly be.
He was used to mamma’s puzzles, but
this one he could not find out.
Pretty soon mamma put away her
sewing and went over to her writing
desk, where she was busy for a little
while. Then she brought Robbie some
neat little slips of paper, on which he
read:
“ We, the undersigned, promise never to
look on the 'wine when it is red.’
“ Kobuie Fi.etcheu's Eves.”
“ We, the undersigned, promise never to
listen to any words which would tempt our
master to drink what would Intoxicate him.
•• Kobuie Fi-etchek's Eaks.”
“Wo, the undersigned, promise never to
speak any words which would tempt any one
to drink Intoxicating liquors.
•• Koubik Fi.etcheu's Ltps."
“ We, the undersigned, promise never to
smell or ta-to anything which will intoxicate
our dear little master.
Robbie Fi.etcheu's Nose axd Mouth.”
“ We. the undersigned, promise never to
touch or handle intoxicating drinks.
*• Robbie Fi.etcheu's Hands."
‘•Oh! I see now, tried Robbie, joy- j
ously, looking up at mamma. “How !
nice of you to think of that! I never
knew before that I had so many serv
ants.”
“And now that I have written the
pledges, you must tind out if they will
sign them, and tiien I will show you
how it is to be done.”
After a few minutes of quiet thinking
the little boy cried, earnestly:
“Yes, mamma, they all will, and stick
to it, too!”
“I hope so, my boy,” she replied,
kissing the eager, upturned face. “Can
you remember how old Uncle Pomp ;
signed the paper when papa paid him 1
his money last sammer? ’
“Oh! vos, he couldn’t write his name,
so he held the pen and made a little j
cross where papa wrote ‘Pompey Lee.' j
He showed me.”
“And that is what your servants must
do, make their mark—see, like this.” I
Mamma brought the pen, and, in
turn, Robbie held his eyes, ears, nose, |
mouth, lips and hands to the tip of it
while she made the small cross. Then
each signature looked like this:
their
Robbie Fletcher’s X Lips.
mark
When the boys came out from school
that dav they saw Robbie's little white
flag flying from his window. That was
always a signal that he wanted to see
them, so they ran up to his room, and
heard how his servants had signed the
Temp cram e pledge.—Intcrioi.
The friends of Temperance may well
take heart as they note the steady prog
ress of their cause. And if they did not
win in the recent Ohio election, it was
a decided victory to be able to poll
320,000 votes in a total of 711,083. But
for the bad element in live cities they
would have carried the day. By
steady work ami courage they will yet
win not only Ohio, but the Union, bay
to these devoted and true-hearted men
and women that they faint not, but go
forward.—Oclden Buie.
The London Drinking Troughs’ Asso
ciation has 511 fountains and 826 troughs
under its care; these refresh 2,400
horses and'500.00Q people daily.
The “Toledo Blade” on the Llqnor
Question.
Our esteemed cotemporary, the San
dusky Register, a-ks, affectionately, if
the Wade, is not running “Pulverize
the Liquor Power” into the ground.
The Biotic may he mistaken, but it
ttiinks not. On the contrary, in less
than a year the Register will f>e follow
ing the Wade's example in demand
ing the same tiling, only with more
force, owing to its superior ability.
The discussion of the liquor traffic
can not be “run into the ground.” It
is not an unimportant question. It
is of more importance than the slavery
question ever was, for the very simple
and easily-understood reason that rum
is a greater enrse to this country than
slavery ever was; that it injures directly
more people than slavery ever did, ami,
indirectly, thousands to one. The busi
ness is loaded with more danger to this
and succeeding generations than ever
the slave-trade was, and stands upon
very much the same ground. Hum and
slavery have a common basis. Both are
founded upon the most reckless disre
gard of the rights of others: both arc
based upon the cupidity of a few strong
men who care nothing for the hurt they
intliet upon humanity.who care nothing
as to what happens to others, so long
as they make their | rofit.
The pretentions of this (the liquor)
interest is something intolerable. It is
a business that in every civilized coun
try but the United States exists only by
sufferance, and under the strictest con
trol. It is a business which in its best
estate is to be apologized for, a ! us'ncss
based upon all that is bad in human
nature, and from which nothing good
ever lias or ever can come. No Gov
ernment on eartli ever hoped for any
good out of it the problem which all
Governments have had to meet has been
how to control a trade which defective
human nature seemed to make ne^es-a
ry, so that as little ei il as po-siblo
should come out of it. Pauperism is
visible from the windows of every rum
shop, and criminality lurks behind their
doors. There is not in the making or
selling of the stuff a single clement of
anything that is good. No business
man will keep in his employ a graduate
of the gin-mills, and the keeper of the
gin-mill himself would not willingly
marry his daughter to one of his own
disciples.
Jso proprietor of a rum-shop will have
an employe about his establi-hmeut
who drinks what he sells over the
counter. The strongest condemnation
of the business is furnished by those
mostly interested in it. The face of
every one of them is a protest from his
stomach against its use. They who
handle it are the most careful not to use
it, for they best know its evil. The
roads from the doors of tne rum-shops
lead either to the poor-house or jail,
with the gailovvs iu the near future.
And this business, accursed of God
ami man, has announced its intention
to control the Government of this coun
try. It proposes to dictate the nomi
nees of parties and to use its own
pleasure as to their election. * * *
It will require a great deal of dis
cussion of this question before it can
be said to have been “run into the
ground.” It is doing the most of
the “running into the ground.”
It has virtually “run into the
ground” the brightest anil best of
t he young men of every city in the
country. It has run into the ground
everything in the shape of purity in
Government. It is as destructive of
good in Government as it is of happi
ness in homes. It is killing the individ
ual and corrupting the body politic. It
is the great National curse, and is now
the oue great question before the Amer
ican people. It is as great an interest
in money as slavery was, and ten times
the curse. It is not an unimportant
question. It is not a question that can
be passed over or avoided. Men must
take sides upon it. The Blade is not
running it into the ground. Every in
terest of every father and every moth
er, every wife and every child, in the
I'nited States is diametrically opposed
to rum control. — Toledo Blade.
The Only Safe Ground.
The spectacle of hundreds of young
men banded together upon the principle
of total abstinence from intoxicating
liquors is one which every friend of so
cial order must applaud. There is no
law, statutory, physical or moral,
against total abstinence. The adher
ents of the principle violate no social
proprieties and do not make themselves
obnoxious to any body by advocating
what could do the slightest harm to the
community. Even those who find ex
cuses for moderate drinking must ac
knowledge that the total abstainer is
better off, on safer ground. No pos
sible peril of drunkenness comes to him
who lets intoxicating drink alone. No
wretched home, no starving wile and
children, no loss of employment, no
abandonment of self-respect loom up
before the man because of his decision
to abstain from the cursed drink. Such
arguments for total abstinence have
been a thousand times repeated, aud
they will never lose their force. But to
the man who thinks that he has self
control enough to drink moderately,
and yet stop short of the bitter
end of the drunkard, a higher
motive appeals. To abstain from in
toxicating drinks because of the good
influence upon others is a nobler motive
than to abstain merely to save one’s
self. Every man is in' some sense his
brother’s keeper. Silent and small
though his influence be, it is an influ
ence still, and the simple fact that he
declines the cup may save his brother
from destruction. The sneer that those
total abstainers have not moral stamina
enough to resist temptation, without
hedging themselves about with pledges,
answers itself. The pledge itself is an
evidence of courage and self-control.
If the moderate drinker does not be
lieve it, let him take and try to keep it.
— Temperance Catholic Advocate.
William W. Stephens, who was a
commercial drummer good for 1*8,000 a
year salary a few years ago, has fallen
a victim to the drummer’s habit of
treating all ’round, and went to th •
Cleveland poor-house, recently, a penni
less and worthless sot.
A young North Carolinian went crazy
from drink on his wedding-day.