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THOUGHT you always
went home to dinner,” said the newcomer, as he slipped out of his coat and handed it to the waiter. The bald-headed gen tleman who was al ready seated laid down the bill of fare and answered, sadly: “I have no home." “I don’t want any expressions of sympathy,” he added, as the other drew up his chair. “There isn’t any divorce suit pending and I have met with no reverses of fortune. What I suffer is, I suppose, the common lot of mankind at this festive season of the year. They are making Christmas presents at the house where I used to live.” “I don’t see why that should cause you grief.” “It isn’t to be expected that you would,” observed the bald-headed man. ill!.. “THERE IS A WILD SCREAM.” “You may find out some day, but as a friend and well-wisher I hope that you will ever remain in blissful ignor ance. If I go into a closet to get out my house jacket, there is a wild scream from one of the girls. I* turn around, expecting to see some loved form stretched out in the agonies of death, and my wife says: ‘Here, you mustn’t go in there.’ “ ‘Why not?’ I ask. “ ‘Oh, because. Here, tell me what It is you want and I will get it for you. I never saw such a man to go poking around, anyway.’ Then she pushes me out of the way and hunts up the coat for me, and I begin dimly to comprehend that there is a Christ mas present cached away there some where. I can’t hunt a pipe or get a book out of the bookcase or forage for pie in the pantry or exercise any of the ordinary privileges of a head of a household without getting yelped at and hustled and giggled at. I feel as if I were walking over mines that were liable to be exploded at any moment and blow me to destruction. “Then when I return to the bosom of my family after a hard day’s toil In their interest, I like to be welcomed with some show of affection. As it is, my appearance seems to be the signal Cor flight. I might be a leper, to judge from the way my daughters and the once-loving partner of my joys and Borrows start up and flee, as it were, Into the wilderness, grabbing things right and left as they go. The assur ance that I will receive an embroid ered silk muffler, a cardboard and rib bon waste paper basket, a sofa cushion for my wearied head and a pair of wool mittens with an Assyrian design In scarlet and yellow hardly compen ■ates me for the wear and tear on my nerves.” “Is it as bad as that?” “It’s a blamed sight worse. The concealment is only a small part of It. There’s the manufacture of the articles to be considered by itself. As l say, I haven’t a home. I sleep in a notion factory, in an atmosphere of "A RICH BARBARIC EFFECT.” glue, paste, sachet powder and turpen tine. It’s a new deal on me. They used to buy what they wanted, and all l had to worry over was an accommo dation at the bank. I have asked for the reason of the change and I am told that any coarse plebeian can make presents that cost money, but a present that has the maker’s individuality, taste and refinement stamped upon it In crewel or gum-arabic medium is beyond rubies. Also I am informed that it is cheaper and that it saves the trouble of shopping.” ; “I should think that there might be Something in that.” ; “There you betray your ignorance »nce more. By the time a woman has matched up 18 or 20 shades of sewing bilk every few days, blown herself for beeswax, paint brushes, stamped linen, srepe paper, glass and passepartout taper, embroidery needles, gilding, birch bark, enamel, ribbon and a few hundred other articles of raw material phe ought to own that there is nothing Po the economy argument, either of hme or money; but you can ever last f V r ■ ' .V V . • ingly bet that she won't, I eoncedi the indlvduality and personality Some of the things they are turning out at home—how that word slips out! —couldn’t be equaled for uniqueness and daring bizzarreness outside of the industrial department at Kankakee asylum. I would hate to dream about some of the things that they paint os the handkerchief boxes and do-fun nies.” “What is the wax for?” “That is to give an oriental, ara besque effect to a tomato can or a dis carded liqueur jug. You take youi tomato can, or whatever it is, and melt your wax and pour the wax over it, just as a kid would dribble sirup ovei buckwheat cakes, criss-cross and any how, until the .thing is covered witt crinkly-crankly wrinkles; then you get a rich barbaric effect by gold-painting it. It is then a thing of beauty, an ar ticle of bric-a-brac or a jardiniere. It’s a corker for originality, for couldn’t get two alike to save neck. Some friend of ours is be gladdened with a ically constructed on a pin—I guess it’s a father is going to er dingus to wipe hii a mental using it. ever ties Atn “W little purple go next doubtedl is a lesso for the b and prosai away from fried potato the waning hush broods green nature, the plaintive calling to its dull boom of th tant marsh that is booming dayti dence property, shadows cast a gent your soul, if you’ve it’s the handiest thi to hang up on a pa hole in the handle.” “A man might ignore and send the pan out into “Yes, he might do tha reckless, hare-brained cour quantities. There’s always sibility about a frying pan pic what can you make out of a horseshoe with taffeta bows you get enough of them to use quoits? What utilitarian value there in a cuffbox with a saucer-eye owl painted on it?” “It occurs to me that a man mig keep his cuffs in it.” “Evidently you never saw one,” s the bald-headed man, conclusive “THE ARTISTIC POSSIBILITIES OS THE COMMON DOMESTIC FRY ING PAN.” “You might as well suggest that cro cheted slippers might be actually wora Come to think of it, however, I have known a man to wear crocheted slip pers, but ne was a divinity student, so he didn’t count. If I wanted to mortify the flesh I might wear the average Christmas gift suspenders and smoke the lovely cigars that a man gets at the festive season, but I get trials enough when I find that the sawdust pincushion filling has got mixed up with my diet. We have got sawdust enough around the place to keep a ton of ice through the summer months. Well, thank heaven, it will soon be over with now, and I shall be able to lay my aching head on a sofa pillow with an appliqued motto of ‘Bon Repos’ on it and think it all over. I can get up and by the trifling exertion of walking across the room can scratch my matches on the back of an emerycloth prize hog, thus sav ing the wear and tear on my trousers. There Is an end to everything, and from the nervous and worried looks of my women I should judge that they will go back to the time-honored fool ishness of buying their gifts next year; then the spring house cleaning will be the worst thing that I shall have to contend with.” “You said that you didn’t want any sympathy.” “No; I can suffer and be strong. After all, dining out isn’t bad for a change.” WISE GUY. _c_ He hadn’t any bank account, But he was rather smart; So to the heiress Christmas He gave his hand and heart. —Chicago Daily News. A PAUPER PLUTOCRAT By H. M. WALBROOK L========y| ACK DRAYTON’S posi tion at 9:50 p. m. that Christmas eve was as follows: He had 15 cents and a stamp in his pocket, and the MSS. of six returned novels on his table; he awed his Ms ather Btc.; to through to-morrow “Sir!” her spacious beneath its professional and passe menterie. “Sir! Are pleased to be humorous?” “Humorous? Of course not. I have $5,000 in my pocket.” “Indeed! Perhaps you wouldn’t mind showing me a hundred or ^o?” observed Mrs. Steinhauser, with V>n derous sarcasm. "I’ll show you the lot,” said Jack, and he produced the check and held it proudly forth. “Thank you,” said Mrs. Steinhauser, “you’ll excuse me, but I’ve seen those things before.” And her black eye brows lowered ominously. When she had recovered herself, she continued: “I sincerely hope, Mr. Drayton, that you will settle that account of mins on Friday; for my expenses at this time of the year are very heavy. I am sorry I cannot let you have the $25.” And she turned to her ledger, and Jack turned to the door. “I’ll trot around to the chop house,” he said to himself. “Old Jorkins is a rough diamond, but he’ll do it.” And he hurried on a rather dingy hat, helped himself into a frayed overcoat and sallied forth. Mr. Jorkins was turning out the lights for the night. The premises smelt unpleasingly of vinegar and stale coffee. “Good evening, sir. It’s too late to serve you with anything now. We’re shuttin’ up,” said Mr. Jorkins, not over amiably. “That’s all right,” said Jack. '“I merely- dropped in as I was passing, to say that I shall be settling that lit tle bill of yours on Friday. I’d do it for you to-morrow, only the banks will be closed.” Mr. Jorkins beamed. “Thank you, sir. I won’t go for to say as ’ow it won’t be welcome. If you was to see the bills I ’ave to pay at this time of the year—well, you wouldn’t want to go for to keep a bloomin’ chop ’ouse!” And Mr. Jorkins held up both hands in awe as he thought of the immensity of his liabilities. “M’yes,’’ murmured Jack, who was sorry the conversation had taken this turn. “M’yes. Well, I’ve got rather a big check here. And the fact is I just popped in to see if you could lend me $15 or $20 till Friday.” “Lend you $15 or $20?” gasped Jor kins. "Only till Friday,” said Jack. “It’ll be all right then.” Mr. Jorkins’ sole reply was to stare like a gargoyle, Vith eyeballs dis tended and mouth wide open. “Are you ill?” At that question Mr. Jorkins recov ered his self-command. * Closing his eyes for a moment, and passing a moist hand across his brow, he at last broke the silence by saying very slow ly and cuttingly; "Really, sir, you surprise me som»» what. You run up a bill of a matter of $10 and more—a thing entirely against my rules and a special favor to yourself. And then yon come here on Christmas eve and talk about a big check, and ask me to lend you $15 or $20! It’s a bit ’ot, sir!—a bit ’ot!” “But I have $5,000 in my pocket." “Then pay my bill.” "I can’t to-night.” “Not out of $5,000?” "Not till Friday, you wooden-headed idiot!” said Jack, losing his temper. “Thank you, sir,” said Jorkins, bow ing low; and then proceeding wfth deadly calm: “I’ll wait till Friday at noon, and if you haven’t settled up fcy then I’ll put you in the court; and you may put that in your pipe and smoke it! Good night.” Again Jack passed into the snow clad street, where a boy who had been playfully lurking behind a lamp post flung a snowball at him with such dex terity that it knocked his hat off. The happy child ran away, and Jack in a fury ran after him, and fell over. “Gad!" he muttered to himself, as he picked himself up and went back for the hat, “it’s a fine thing to have $5,000, but I’m blessed if it seems to make much difference.” The prospects of his Christmas were beginning to be a little gloomy. “Aha! Dibbs, the tobacconist! He’ll do it!” Off he started again, looking dingier than ever, for his hat was dented, and the snow and dust had stained his coat. “Good evening, Dibbs. How’s busi ness?” “Business would be excellent, sir, if people would pay the bills they owe,” said Mr. Dibbs. curtly, as he replaced in its box a cracked Havana which a customer had just refused. Jack reddened. He had forgotten that he owed Dibbs $4.25, and that h« “LEND YOU?” GASPED JORKINS. had consequently avoided the Bhoj for the past month or so. “I shall be wanting some cigars on Friday,” he went on at last, “and you can keep me a couple of boxes of yout best Soberinos—those at $20 the hun dred. I’ll call for them on Friday.” “Wouldn’t you prefer to send youi man for them?” sneered Mr. Dibbs. “I have just received a little legacy of $5,000,” observed Jack, quietly. “Oh! Is that it? I congratulate you, sir," said Mr. Dibbs, with an eager change of manner. “There is a little bill outstanding, sir, I fancy, but, ol course, there ain’t no ’urry about that P’r’aps you’d prefer to take the cigars with you now, sir?” “Well, perhaps a dozen; the rest you can send around on Friday. Oh, by the way—this $5,000 is in a check which I can’t change till the banks reopen. Would you mind lending me a fiver just to take me over Christ mas?" “Take you over Christmas?” echoed Mr. Dibbs, blankly, and assuming an aspect so very similar to that of Mr. Jorkins in response to the same re quest, that Jack almost laughed. “Take you over Christmas? Excuse me a-sayin’ of it, but you’ll be taken over to the police station if you come them little check dodges too often. You take my tip and—" But Jack had not waited. Once more he stood in the cold, cold street with $5,000 in his pocket that, for all the use it was to him, he might just as well light his pipe with. However, he had made up his mind to trouble no one else in the matter; so back to his room he trudged, buy ing six stale two-cent buns on the way; and upon these, and tea, he made his breakfast, dinner and tea that Christmas day and the day following, On the Friday he went to the bank, feeling pretty cheap, opened an ac count, and was able to arrange with the manager for sufficient immediate accommodation to settle up with Mrs. Steinhauser, Mr. Jorkins and Mr, Dibbs; a task which he performed with so much good humor that they, one and all, regretted their suspicions of two days before. Drayton is now a famous man and his novels are read far and wide; but he always says that the quaintest experience of his whole life was his starving his way through a Christmas day with $5,000 in his pocket. CHRISTMAS TREE FEATURE. Dancing Dolls Above Parlor Decor ation Produces Pretty Effect for Holiday. Dancing Christmas fairies always en hance the children’s delight in the Christmas tree, and once made can be used year after year, says Woman’s Home Companion. Buy up a dozen or more of five and ten-cent dolls, and to add to the variety have among the num ber some Japanese and colored dolls. Dress these to represent fairies in bright hues of spangled gauze, tarlatan or tis sue paper, and liberally sprinkle their hair and garments with diamond-dust powder. Each doll should be provided with a dainty pair of fairy wings made from spangled tissue paper and fastened to the body by means of concealed wires. These wires should be coiled to obtain motion in the wings, and nothing better can be used than the fine spiral coils that come out of worn-out, wire-stitched brooms. The least motion will set this spiral to quivering, causing the wings to move as if in flight. In like manner use the spiral wire to attach the dolls in hovering positions over and around the tree. The effect is magical; every foot step causes jar enough to start the dolls dancing and circling above and around the tree, as if invisible fairies of the air had come down to join him in th« Christmas glee. r-;——' 1 Carving the Christmas Turkey To carve the Christmas turkey skill fully and successfully requires a knowledge more than that acquired by general observation. To the amateur carver as he watches the practiced hand it seems the simplest thing in the world, but when he attempts to duplicate the feat he soon discovers that a careful study of the bird’s an atomy is necessary. At the Christmas dinner the turkey is of first importance and the proper handling of the fowl means much toward the success of the viand. The host usually manipulates the carving knife and fork. There seems to be a tradition that on this day the bird in all its brown and savory splen dor should be placed intact upon the table. A thin, sharp-bladed knife and I! Plunge the .fork upright into the center of the breastbone. The drumstick is re moved by a single stroke of the knife, hit ting the joint exactly. a platter of sufficient size to hold the fowl and its disjointed portions ara necessary to enable the carver to work with neatness and dexterity. Whether it is good form to sit or stand while accomplishing the work depends entirely upon the comfort ol the performer. There is also a ques tion as to whether the head of the tur key should be to the carver's right oi left. This is also for the individual to decide, but generally the head is to the left, as the wings and legs ara more easily disjointed with a stroke from left to right. If the company ba small and the bird one of good size, carve from one side only. The othei side may be reserved for slicing cold. The first move of the carver is to in sert the fork astride the breastbone, at the point, plunging it deep enough ■ "" " '!MU'mKV". 11 " T———— IiI A V-shaped cut toward the joint separate* the thigh and drumstick. to secure a firm hold. Then remove the drumstick with one stroke of the knife, first cutting through the skin down to the joint, hitting it squarely. It is a little difficult to locate thia joint, but by pressing the leg away from the side of the turkey it is read ily found. It is claimed that the expert carver does not remove the fork from the bretist until he has quite finished. Be that as it may, it is quite necessary to use the fork in separating the thigh from the “drumstick,” and the “hip” is a favorite part with many. To accomplish this, make a V-shaped cut toward the joint, holding the thigh against the side of the turkey with the fork. The "drumstick” drops off neat ly into the platter. The next stroke removes the wing. A deep cut through the ball and socket joint severs this with a part of the breast meat. To strike the joint squarely the first time requires skill, though sometimes it is done very neat * - -- I A neat stroke through the ball and socket joint severs the wing. ly by pure luck, and this calls forth most favorable comment from the ex pectant hungry assemblage. If the knife doesn’t strike the joint at first, move it back and forth, pressing the wring away from the body, disclosing the ball of the joint, then cut through and the wing is detached. When this process is completed the disjointed portions are laid to one side of the platter, or put on a separate plate, to allow of free space for slicing the breast meat. The Way It Goes. Mrs. Newlywed—Jack, dear, I want you to promise that you won’t buy me anything expensive for Christmas. You know we shall have to have a new range in the kitchen, and there’s the plumber’s bill to pay, and we must economize. Jack—Why, I thought I gave you money for those things the other day. “Oh, yes! But I had t§ spend most of It on your Christmas presents.”— Brooklyn Life. “Plum’ Full.” Plenty of Christmas pudding is like ly to make one feel plum full. FILLED A LONG-FELT WANT Ingenuity of a Peripatetic Salesman in Disposing of His Specialty. A young man rode in a Broad street ear, holding a bundle in his lap and read ing a newspaper, relates the Newark News. “Look,” whispered a woman across the aisle to another. "The string’s coming loose.” Slowly and surely the twine was work ing itself around the corner of the pack age. The young man continued to read. The cord continued to slip. Other passengers eyed the bundle curiously. The wrappings began to un fold. The watching passengers grew nervous. To sit there and see that bun dle fall apart was embarrassing. There was no telling what it might contain. The whole car was interested. The paper was almost off. Still the young man read, oblivious to all about him. At last a little fat man reached across the aisle and touched his arm. “Your parcel’s coming undone,” he said, grinning. At the young man’s start of astonish ment, the other passengers grinned also. “Thank you very much,” said the young man. “Ladies and gents,” he went on, removing the paper entirely, “I have here a useful and inexpensive shopping bag which I am introducing in this way to people who travel oh street cars— does away altogether with the danger, which you have just seen illustrated, in carrying bundles that won’t stay tied, no matter how well you t'e ’em; folds up so small you can put it >n your vest pocket; holds anything from a spool of thread to a bushel of potatoes—and all, ladies and gents, for the ridiculous sum of a dime, ten cents.” “T'l take one,” said the woman across the aisle. “Me, too,” said the little fat man. And the young man did a rushing busi ness until the conductor threw him off. Wanted to Get Even. "I’d like that tooth, please,” said the email boy after the dentist had extracted the torment. “Certainly, my little man, but why do you want it?” queried the dentist, hand ing it over. “Well, sir,” responded the gratified boy. “I'm going to take it home and I’m going to stuff it full of sugar. Then I’m going to put it on a plate, and,” with a triumphant grin, “watch it ache.”—N. Y. World. _^_ Tennessee Praise. Dayton, Tenn., Dec. 11th (special).— Among many prominent residents to praise Dodd’s Kidney Pills is Mr. N. R. Roberts, of this place. He tells of what they have done for him, and his words will go deep into the hearts of all who are suffering in the same way. He says: “I was a martyr to Kidney Trouble, but Dodd’s Kidney Pills completely cured me. I shall always keep them on hand in case there should be any return of the old trouble, but I am thankful to say, they did their work so well there has not been the slightest sign of my old com plaint coming back. The pain in my back used to be terrible. If I got down I had a hard job to get straight again. But my back is like a new one now and I can stoop a3 much as I please. 1 don’t believe there ever was any medicine half so good as Dodd’s Kidney Pills.” She Forgave Him. "It has come to my ears,” remarked Miss De Playne, “that you said roy face would make a man climb a fence.” “Yes, that’s what I said,” responded the diplomatic one; “but, of course, I meant if he happened to be on the other side of the fence.”—Chicago Journal. Cures Blood, Skin Troubles, Cancer, Blood Poison—Greatest Blood Purifier Free. If your blood is impure, thin, dis eased, hot or full of humors, if you have blood poison, cancer, carbuncles, eating sores, scrofula, eczema, itching, risings and lumps, scabby, pimply skin, bone pains, catarrh, rheumatism, or any blood or skin disease, take Botanic Blood Balm (B. B. B.) according to directions. Soon all sores heal, aches and pains stop, the blood is made pure and rich, leaving the skin free from every eruption, and giving the rich glow of perfect health to the skin. At the same time, B. B. B. im proves the digestion, cures dyspepsia, strengthens weak kidneys. Just the med icine for old people, as it gives them new, vigorous blood. Druggists, $1 per large bottle, with directions for home cure. Sample free and prepaid by writing Blood Balm Co., Atlanta, Ga. Describe trou ble and special free medical advice also sent in sealed letter. B. B. B. is espe cially advised for chronic, deep-seated cases of impure blood and skin disease, and cures after all else fails. Diagnosis. First Doctor—Isn’t your practice among the wealthy? Second Doctor—The fellow who can eat with his own knife seldom needs mine.— N. Y. Sun. _ Taylor’s Cherokee Remedy of Sweet Gum and Mullen is Nature’s great remedy —Cures Coughs, Colds, Croup and Consumption, and all throat and lung troubles. At drug gists, 25c., 50c. and $1.00 per bottle. Ten builders rear an arch, each in turn lifting it higher; but it is the tenth man, who drops in the keystone, who hears the huzzas.—Century. Piso’s Cure for Consumption is an infalli ble medicine for coughs and colds.—N. W. Samuel. Ocean Grove, N. J.. Feb. 17, 1900. “Reform” consists in going after the mote in the other fellow’s eye, with a pair of forceps.—St. Louis Globe-Demo crat. AILING WOMEN. Keep the Kidneys Well and the Kidney: Will Keep You Well. Sick, suffering, languid women are learning the true cause of bad backs and how to cure them. Mrs. W. G. Davis, of Groesbeck, Texas, says: “Back aches hurt me so 1 could hardly stand. Spells of dizziness and sick headaches were frequent and the action of the kidneys was irregu lar. Soon after I began taking Doan’s Kidney Pills I passed several gravel stones. I got well and the trouble has not returned. My back is good and strong and my general health better.” Sold by all dealers. 60 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. BALD HEAPS COVERED With Luxuriant Hair an4 Scaly Scalps Cleansed and Purified by Cuticura Soap, Assisted by dressings of Cuticura, the great skin cure. This treatment at once stops falling hair, removes crusts,’scales and dandruff, destroys hair parasites, soothes irritated, itching surfaces, stimu lates the hair follicles, loosens the scalp skin, supplies the roots with energy and nourishment, and makes the hair grow upon a sweet, wholesome, healthy scalp, when all else fails. Complete external and internal treatment for everv humor, from pimples to scrofula, from infancy to age, consisting of Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Pills, price $1.00. A single aet is often sufficient to cure. Ou Him. Ethyl (to Gladys, who has witnessed a game of football for the first time)— Was Reggie on the eleven? Gladys—Well, dear, from where I sat it looked as though the eleven were on him.—Lippincott’s. Much Sought. "People are just crazy to meet that man." “Who is he?" “An insanity expert.”—Town Topics. “I don’t stand up foh de trusts,” said Uncle Eben, “but I kin say fur ’em dat dey ain’ made as much trouble in my fam'l.v as crap games an’ hoss races."— Washington Star. _ Satisfaction with self is not always sanctification.—The Commoner. CRISIS OFJIRLHOOD A TIME OF PAIN AND PERIL Miss Emma Cole Says that Lydia E Plnkham’s Vegetable Compound has Saved Her Life and Made Her Well How many lives of beautiful young girls have been sacrificed just as they were ripening into womanhood 1 How many irregularities or displacements have been developed at this important period, resulting in years of suffering 1 Girls’ modesty and oversensitivenesa often puzzle their mothers and baffle physicians, because they withhold their confidence at this critical period. A mother should come to her child’s aid and remember that Lydia E. Pink ham’s Vegetable Compound will at this time prepare the system for the coming change and start the menstrual period in a young girl’s life without pain or irregularities. Miss EmmaColeof Tullahoma, Tenn., writes: Dear Mrs. Pinkham:— “ I want to tell you that I am enjoying bet ter health than 1 have for years, and I owe it all to Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com pound. “ When fourteen years of age I suffered al most constant pain, and for two or three years I had soreness and pain in my side, headaches and was dizzy and nervous, and doctors all failed to help me. “ Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound was recommended, and after taking it my health began to improve rapidly, and I think it saved my life. I sincerely hope my experi ence will be a help to other girls who are pass ing from girlhood to womanhood, for I know your Compound will do as much for them.” If you know of any young girl who is sick and needs motherly advice ask her to write Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn, Mass., and she will receive free advice which will put her on the right road to astrong, healthy and happy womanhood. SICK HEADACHE ---=—| Positively cared by A I nrrr n o these Little Pills. | L|\0 They also relieve Dls E tress from Dyspepsia, In E digestion and Too Hearty * n Eating; A perfect rem ■ la edy for Dizziness, Nausea, ■S> Drowsiness, Bad Taste * in the Month, Coated Tongue, Pain In the Side, -I I . I TO RFID LIVER. They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable. SMALL PILL SMALL DOSE SHALL PRICE ^ Ip Amro's! Genuine Must Bear ■Pittle Fac-Simile Signature IS™!_I REFUSE SUBSTITUTES. FOR WOMEN troubled with ills peculiar to their sex, used as a douche Is marve cessful. 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