Sugar planter. [volume], May 17, 1856, Image 1

About Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925

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W T B OA T N R OUEES. 'E ST YT RA Y 1. 18 0.- N •O . 20.
VOL. 1. ~ul~nE SERI~ES-. WEST BATiO)N ROUUE, SATURI)AY, MAY 17, 185,.
THE SGAR PLANTER,
£UBLISI3D EVXRY 5ATURDA,7 MORNTING
ý- HENRY ,. it'~iYAM. -
Edltor'& Proprietor. (
OEcO near the court IHousa.
WEST J?1tTORO G Ts.
T'ERSI of the SUG(.AR PLANTEIR:
SabWcriptbOl--43 g"-·r. r, r;var ohlv li the
timeotdubscribtna: ifu"t.I-.!' : " iliuttr
monthhli tb afr. ii . ^ reel, rt.
subsription will b. t.+'". f":r It 1 . I.-,. r t rnt LhOOa:
mont Lth: nol pa'pr diacta:: ,i"r! t·":! arrer rngvos arc }
AdVOrtka)nS5AI- ·rrtirtnl`' nrO r t
lines, 51 tor the nert. anm
e nt in rtionatho :· of lrr.+: ' : "'t ` :II ilr"': 'rf ^:+.
year.
4Ter,. to Cubs.r n. !c"I
tunirts si sent, with t Ur- n "n. the *'- t !"
furniahedatS ~t50each " ,.
et cop to the person l Ir; i-!n tt t.." L "t
where a (lab of not ext t wI"t i uni`el
wit the C.'i thie S b a·t '
each ubsoribor, and tan o Jti..ntl ! t It tel+ for tint
Job Prlnting.
Sueh as pawnhtZrn, &.ftrctt. Connrt, I'c-s tVr
andether other cer. ,'ýec~ttri t!h NtatneicCO.ll de 11
epottin abll Cas' cash otn .i t-ltrry.
S.i
AYER5S PILLS, :
A i and sin itv successful remety fer the
caeof all Bi os dis eases-'onticvz e r,. ldi
Jot,~Jsaunditce, Dropsy, lt.eumatilno. I cicr .
tias geadache, Pains in the Breast, Side. Back,
and Ubs, Female Complaints, Ac. Ac. Indeed.
, er.ywgethediseases in which a Purgative Medi
aine is at more or less required, and much sick
ne mad mlbering might be prevented, if a harm
les bdutebsal Cathartic were more freely used.
No paeran can feel well while a costive habit of
beody w~eal; besides, it soon generates serious and
:often fatal diseases, which might have been avoideda
by thenimely and judicious use of a nood purgative.
T is alike true of Colds, Feverish symptoms, and
Bliois derangements. They all tend to b'ccome or :
prod.cs thUea seated and formida:r distempers i
whiach load the hear all over the land. Hence a ]
.liale tfeay physic is of the first importance to
thepube health, and this Pill has been perfect .d
wilth eanmmate skill to meet that demand. An
exatesIe trial of its virtues by Pt.ysiciaus, Profes
sras, sad Patients, has shown re.ults surpassing
any thing hitherto known of any medicine. Cures
havbebeeffected beyiod belief, were they ne t sub
alanDated by persons of such exalted positi.n and
as to forbid the suspicion of untrrtlh.
the many eminent gentlemen who have
teiia i kesr of these Pills, we may mention:.
Prot J. M. LOCKa, Analvtical Chemist, of Cin
cinnati, whose high professional character is en
Joan McLaxs, Judge of the Supreme Court of
the United States.
Taos. Conwix. Secretary of the Treauiry.
onBa . . M. WRIGjrr. Governor of Indima.
1. Leae. Oart, great waoe grower of the West.
Also, Ba Jt.B. CLUstrrox, 'ractical Chemist, of
New York City, endorsed by
Hox.. W. L. MAIfn Secretary of State.
Wx. B. AroR, tle richest mi:n In" America.
8. LULAne & Co., Propr's of the Me.?olitan
Hotel, and many others.
Did apace permit, we couil rice many hundred
ertifeates, from all parts wheri the I'lls have
been used, but evidence even ere eon:vinhcing than
the experience of eminent public men .a found in
their efects upon trial.
These Pills, the result of ilne investigatlon and
tudy, are offered to the pu:tlic as the best andl
miat complete which the pr.eset state of medical
oienee can afford. They aue compounded not of
the drau themselves. but of the maci inal virtues
only of Vegetable remedie, extracted by chemical
pf se in a state of puritv. and etncbited together
inaehamanner as to insure tle host results. This
system of composition for medicines has been founid
in the Cherry Pectoral and Pills both, to produce a
more efficient remedy than had hitherto been ob- I
tainksy any proces.s. The reason is perf=ectly oh
vious. While by the old mode ~of composition, every
medicine is burdened with more or less of acn
nonious and injorinr qtalities, by tl i" each inii
ainial virtue uwiy that is desired for the curative
felftbispesent. All the inert and obnoxious qual
iti.fesach substanckionaioyed are left behinrd, the
Sb ies only belng retained. Hence it is
aelfe-ident the"efibets sh~il!d prose. as they have
posed, more purely remedial, and the tilts a surer,
smoe powerful antidote to disease than any other
meiasule known to the wiot d.
As it is frequently expedient that my medicine
should be taken under the eour.sel if ans attending
Physiaa, mand as he could not properly juodge of a
remedy without knowing its coii,isition, 1 have
sapp.ed the accurate Fins ':u!a by,v whish both my
Pesto.al and 1'lls are made to the whole body of
Practitioners in the Uni;tdl States and British Amer
tean Provinces. If, howemt,. there should bhe any
one who has not ecemied tiemi, they will be
Promptly forwardedd by mr.i .) hi reoail ...
Of all the Patent Medicimen t':;t ar- offered, how I
few would be taken if their comp,-,ition tas known!
Their life consists in their mystery. I have r. I
The composition of my preearations is laid open
to all s1sa, and all who are comipetent to judge on
the subject freely aeknowled.e their c~oevictiins of
their itrisic merits. l'Th1 l.,rry Peetoral was
pronone. d by scientific men to be a wonderful
medieine before its edfects were known. Mcnv em-*
"iAt Physicians have de'karn-k the same thiing of
tay Pills, and even more l ofidetl., aind are will
gto y that their anticipations were more
thirealisedby their etlects upon trial.
They operate by their powerful infltenee on the
nalscer to purify the blood and stimulate it
t healthy action-remove the obstructions of
e stooch, bowels, liver, and other organs of the
,dy restoring their irregular action to health, and
by c'rectig, wherever thes exist, such derange
"ts suare the first origin of disease.
sugar-wrapped, they are pleasant to take,
g Purely vegetable, no harm can arise from
their .m in aay quentity.
Pee mate directions. see wrapper on the Box.
PREI'ARED BY
DR. fJAMES C. AYER,
WlCtkd and Analytical Chemist,
LOWELL, MASS.
sl I osta per Box. ive Boxes for $1.
SOLD BY
H. T. WA.DDIL.
1' ILIJAM E.OGEL
S g. e L. LVIALr.".
B, pBones. I'elP w 196
A Story of Leap Year.
BY JOE. S1MItI. JR.
Sam Smith sat at home, on iTew
Year's day, in dishabille. Ils beard
was unshaved, his hair was unconmbed,
his boots were unblacked, an', he was
leaning back in a picturesque attitude.
with his heels against the nmatiepiece,
snioking a segar. Sam thought to him.
self that this was a leap year, and how
lorilus it w.oui,. be if the ladies could
bIe induced to pop the question, in accor
,iance with their ancient privileges. As
lie s:;it arid watched the smtoke which so
gr:tcefully lcurled, his tancy glowed with
the ide~a. 11ow delightfulr it would be to
have the dear creatures fl;ndliln onr him,
and with tender glances endravroring tor
do the agreeable. As he meditated, hi,
hearlt sottened, and he began to feel a
-qur iunish, womanish sensibility ditffuse
itsei; over his ftelings, and thought lihe
woul, talnt with propriety the first time
a ladv Should squeeze his hand.
"liap, rip, rap," sounded the dnor.
Saim peeped throu1zh the Venitian bliids.
MeIrcy," exclaimed lie, "and if there isu't
ils. Jonus, and I all in di..habille,Pand
{looking like a fright. (;oodniess gra
ci,,u' I must go right away and fix
miy self'."
A, he left the room, Miss .Jones enter
ed, arind with rcomnposFl air ilrtinat.td thiat
'li.e wouil wait. Ml:s, Susan J.tnes was
i ;run belhever in wioman s rihts, andl
h,,w that the seasoln was prtliotS .i Ishe
deterrined to take the advantagre there
of, atd dou '1 i;toe courtin. on her own
lrhk. It was only woman's privilege,
wt ich had been usurped by the ttyrrat..
anl she was determrned to, assert her
rights in spite of the hollow formalities
ot a false system of society.
Meianwhlie, with palpiitating heart,
Saii Smiithi went throught a series of
pertoral adornients. lire last twist,
was given to his collar, the last curl to
his whiskers, and, with white cambric
in handi, he desendsdxl to the p)arlor.
Miss Jones rushed treceive hirr, and,
grasprring his slanrd with fervor, sail :
`"earest, how beautiful you look, ac
coimpaayving her words with a gly;ce of
undrswuised admiration.
"Spare the blushes of a modest youag
man." said Saim, applying his cambric to
his face to hid his confusion.
"`Nay my love, why so coy?' said
Susan; "turn not away those lovely eyes
dark ais the jet, but sparkiing as the dia
itIond. Listen tt the vows of the fonl
et iatlecti nl. here let tus rest," said she
Strai.rg ibuni to the sofat; "here, wit.
i.- ?'i rotund thee, will I protest .ryv
.!.e tiectiO n."l
' "eaveo nr, rh leave me," muirmured
.:l.: "think of my youth, niy ilreXpe
nt:Ie--s;are, oh spare miy }lalpiaurgll:
cat:tlt"[. " . .
"l*ave thee"said Susan, presing him
Jo.cr to her, "'never, until the stol y ofI
i.stless uibht, of uilquiet days, aspira.
t'lns, and undyinig love is laid before
ee. Know that for years I have nurs
cl for thee a secret passion. Need I tell
hii. eacil ,ianly beauty inoved tfe; how
I worshipped like a sunflower in the lu
r. light of those scarlet tresses: how
Svy fond heart was entrapped in the
l.eshes of those magnificent whiskers;
h w I was willing to yi-ld up to the
gvermwent of that "imperial ;" thy man
unrs, so modest, so delicate, enchanted
ue--were joy to me-for thy joy was
,:y joy. My heart is thine-take it
lhit fir.t let me snatch one kiss from
tose ruly lips."
The over wrought feelings of the delii
cite youth were too strong, and he faint
e! from excess of joy. M..anwhile the
e tamored maiden hung fondly over him
ad
Slowly the eves of Samuel Smith
oiened-lhe gazedt wil!ly round hin-
t:i n meeting the ardent gaze of hi
"lover," he blushed deeply, and, behind
hi handkerchief faintly faltered out
" sk my pa."
A IIoDEsT (CLERK.- young lady,
witr a mind intent ons.lioppinm entered
a si-re on a certain occasi6n, and ad
dre sing a fresh looking, rosy cheeked
youth, desired to know if lie had any
nice silk hose.
"Certainly, Miss," replied he, and im
mediately the counter was strewn with
the delicate articies. After selecting a
pair, she looked up verbinnocently and
etnquired:
"llw high do tdey come, sirh"
The clerk blushed, turned all sorts of
colors, but spoke not a word. She gave
him a look of surprise, and repeated ner
Iquestion. Again the youth stammered
and said:
"Really, Miss, I-that is to say -I
think-could not be positive--but my
impression -is, they come just about the
An Englishman in America.
"Jauis B. Warren, an Egihshmnan,
under the date of Builalo, Jan. 11th.
writes to the London Shipping Gazette
as follows:
I have now made the. tour of the States
.f North Anerica and think it probabl.
I can give your readetrs some useful in
f "iirti,,n. I 'and,.d at NSw York city
somie ten moth4 a, anl have. spenl
mnv t.e in studyiVg the character and
cut.ils f.t these people, and inut a
Sfes that if I remainedr ten years the re
sult would be thi. same; and I know
very little about tinenu. But upon on'.
piint-national pride--tiun, wouton and
clhimlren are all ahlke, aml tl;e ilea of arni
tlntin of Euirpe or the \whole f theim
put t-e.aht r, cnqueaiag this country is
pr.it..fct absurd to them. Ev.rI tdy
re.:als the newspapers, nihui a go-l hli .
molie.l urc'hin used to rate iam soundly
at Philadelphia for our failures at Sevy-
topol. In the South I spent smne time
upn the plantations. and many times
held long conversations with the slavws,
and always with the same result. Thlae
are omuch better satisfied than I suspee,
ted, atd whon I spoke of the protbiimty
of a war. I was answered, that "white
folks wu'lud'nt let nigga tighit." "Hut,"
said I,"the blacks from them West Inlies
will coimihere and help von gamin your
I freedoin. "W'hat, black sger Conel
here ; let 'ern cum den, massa let us fight
Ide ligga, I kn w, and Got A'mnighty we
give 'em ioi 'o" It not expressed in the
same lainguage, the same feeling was
ever ,,xl,ressed,
, r. VWarren also sends his countrymen
somei war statisue fro, America, it, n or- i
iiiig liem tiat 1.500,00o Minnie rifles
will be ready ucxt sring; that 50 steam,
ers, of 4.000 tons each, could be built
and lau inched in eight imontlhs, that in
less than .six mnontl,, after war is declared
there will be 500 of the fastest vessels in
the world, afloat as privateers, a/1l an
Englishl Welhlltulan will not ,e able to
shlow eher SiPtt sea; that 380,000 enrolled
fishermen would flod to our sea ports ;
dhat 500,l00 men could be cinticntrated
at4in. poet on the coast, il a few days,
and sundlrv other items of s uilar inrteili
genrce. Time writer adds:
I regret I cannot defend my country
asI would wish. The Clayton IBulwer
teaty is plaid? and explicit, and these
people don,'t and won't understand double
meanings in treaties. They say tie mall
with the wlhite hat does not refer to the
man in thla white cap, and my Lord John
tRuosel acknowi-ledges the American in
tl.rpretatiou. If the treaty i3 adhered
t,,, we have the States pledged never to
occupy it, (Central Ane-rica) for, say
what we wiii, they nill stick to the treaty
and it never w i! be annexd : abrogate
it, an, il ]ass than ten years it wil be
,lin u t'mhe S itites of o lie T ,ii,'in.
As to a trial a:t aims, shouil it come
to tha', Mr. \Varren sums up his obser
vamions as follows:
Mexic,a. Cuba, and the while of Cen
tral America would be annexed in the
Sonth, and I have little doubt of Canada
in the North: millions of treastre and
thousands of live= ,- t to England torever;
our commerce -ihp'ed in every sea, and
some lighiutng thai will gladden the hearts
of our tried soldiemy.
Now ti hat can we gain! A foot of
territory ? We dont want it; and if we
did, six feet for the mjority of our brave
lellows, I fear, would be the extent. Na
val or military glory we don't want, and
ias for the sard beach of the Mosqueto
king, it is a decided humbug. What
would be the result to this country ? It
soutd put her back in prosperity for half
a cex tury ; and it would ruin thousands
who are now in affluence, but would ei.
rich thousands who ale now poor. But
tih great advantaie the Americans have
is that they can produce and manufactute
everything they want; the different cii
mates afford this. They would get ac
custonmed to to their own goods and dis
card ours forever. But the greatest
injury to all parties, and I may say the
world, would be the making of this
nation of 25,000,000 a warlike people;
and once instilled with the love of war,
the propagandists of Europe would have
a fearful ally.
WoNMAN's \mLL.-tDip the Atlantic
ocean dry with a teaspoon; twist your
heel into the toe of your boot; make
postmasters perform their promises, and
subseribers pay the printer; send up
fishing hooks with balloons, and fish for
stars; when te rain is coming down like
the cataract of Niagara, remember where
I you left your umbrelia; ch,'ke a mus
quito with a brickbat; in short, prove
all things hitherto considered impossible,
,but never attempt to coax a woman to
e say she =ill, when she has made up her
mind to say she 2tiO't.
Soliloquy oi a Loaler.
Let's see where amt I? This is-9 oal
I'm lying on. IIow'd I get here? Yes
I mind now. Was commii up street-
met a wheelbarrow-was drunk, coming
t'other way, wheelbarrgw, fell over uHw.
or I over t'he wheelbarrow, and one of
us fell into tie teller--don't knox
which now-.guess it must ha' been me,
I'm a nice younz man, yes I am ight!
tore! drunk! Well, I can't help it
'tant my fault-woider whose fault 'tis:
WIl it an't-is it-no. Is it .,ones
fault ?-No. Is it lov wife's atilt ?
Well, it an't. Is it the wheebarrow's
ifalt ?-No. It's as hiskys fault. Who
is wliskyv I? s he a large family -
p1i1 ...r, I reckon. I thiik I won't own
ii any more. I'll cut his ac'liil tan
e,. I'we hwl that ntion for about t.n
yiars, and alswas hate to do it, fur fear
of hlurtin' his feeling. I'll do it rnow- i
think liqlur's injul n' me-it's spoiliu'
me timIp,"r.
Soiinitnes I get mad, when I'm drunk
and abuse Itrt andl the brats; it used to
be Lizzie and the (li lren-that's some
Stne ago. I'l come home o' evenin'. ,
she used to put her arms round umy neck
sand kiss me, iad call me her e,-ar Wil
li am. When I come home now, she
takes her pipe out of her mouth and her
hair out of her eyes and says somethin'
like--"Bill, you drunken brute, shut the
door after yon ; we're cold enough, havin'
no fire, 'thout letuin' the snow blow in
that way." Yes she's Ret andl I'm Bil: I
now. I an't a good Bill, nurther; tlhi.k
I'm a counterfeit, wotn't ,asa-a tavern
without goin' in and getten' drunk.
Don't know what bank I'm on. Last
Saturday I was on the river bank
drunk.
I stay out pretty late; no sometime
I'm out all night ; tact is I am out pretty
S1esll ali over-out of friends, out of pocket
out at eulows and knees, and always out
rageounly dirty-so Bet s:ys; but then
she's no judge, for the's always dirty
herself. I wonder whyl she doesn't wear
good clothes: inny be she has'nt got'ei
whose fault's that ?-tain't mine-must
be whisky's
Sonmetimes I'm in however: I'm in
toxicated now, and in somnebo'iy s coa
cellar. Thlere's one principle 'v: ,got-
I won't get in debt; I never couldl do it.
There one of my coat tails ais gone-got
tore otf, I expect, when I fell il here.
I'll be havin' to get a new suit soon. A
fellow told me, t' other day, that I'd i
make a good sign f',r a paper mill If
he wasn't so bgI, I'd kikt him. I've had
this shirt on itnoe days, an Iin 'm afraid it
wont come off 'thout tea in'. l'oople
ought to respect me more n they do, for
I'm in holy orders. I an't dandy, though
I look in pretty near (trea.sejan ,v Ie.
SguessL Itore this window shutter in my
pants 'tother night, when I sat down in
the wax in lien Rugg's shot,; I'll have
to get it imenided or-I'll catch cold, I
a'nt very stout as it is. As the bors says,
I'm as fat as a match, and as he:althv as
healthy as the small pox. My best hat
has been standing guard at a window
pane that went out 'thother morning at
the invitation of a brickbat. It's gett.n'
cold down here ; wonder if I' a'nt able
to climb. If I had a drink, I could think
better. Let's see ; I a'nit got three cents
if I was in a tavern, I could sponge one.
Whenever anybody treat and says
"come fellows," I always think my name
is "fellows," and I've got too good man
ners to reruse. Well, I must leave this,
or they'll arrest me for burglary. I a'nt
come to that vet. Anyhow it was the
wheeibarow tdid the harm-not me.
INFLUENCE OF TIE SMILE IN GIVING
BEAUTY OF ExeouSssioSN.A beautiful
ismile is to the female countenance what
the sunbeam is to th' landscape. It
Semlellishes an inferior face, and redeems
-in ugly one. A smile, however, should
not become habitual, or insipidity is the
result; nor should the mouth break into
a smile on one side, the other remainiig
passive and unmoved, for this impart an
air of deceit and grotesqieness to the
face. A disagreeable smile distorts thet
lines of beauvt, and is more repulsive
than a frown. There are many kinds of
smiles, each having a distinctive charac
ter, some announces goodness and sweet
ness-others betray sarcasm, bitterness
and pride-some soften the countenance
by their languishing tenderness-others
brighten it by their brilliant and spiritual
vivacity. Gazing and poring before a
mirror cannot aid in acquiring beautiful
smiles half so weils to turn the gaze
inward, to watch tiat the heart keeps
unsullied from the reflection of evil, and
is illuminated and beautified by all sweet
thoughts.
These lines so solemn are put is hbe e
I to filrout this column !!
Tale Without a head.
Jake was a little n,-gro who belonged
to Dr. Talliaderro, and was said to have
in his little frame a heart as bin as Gen.
Jackson's, to say nothing of Napoleon
Bonaparte and Zach Taylo,r. lie did not
fear even old Nick, and at f,.r c6olness
he was as cool as the tiptop of the North
Pole.
One day Dr. Talliaterro, upon the oc
casion of the comlimencemrent of a Medi
cal College, of which he held the clhai
of Anatomy, gave a dinner. Amrnong his
guests was a well known ventrliloquist.
Late in the evening, after the bottle had
done its work, the crc versation turned
upon courage, and the doctor boasted
considerably upon the lion heart of hi
favorite man Jake. lie, ffered to bet
that nothing could scare him, and this
toet the ventriloquist took up, naming at
the same time the test he wanted im
posed. Jake was sent for and came.
"Jake," said the doctor, "I have bet a
large sum of money on your head, and
you must win it. Do you think you
Can ?"
"Berry well, massa," replied Jake, "jes
tell Os nigger what he got to do, an' he
do it shore."
"I want you to go to the dissecting I
room. You will find two (lead bodie
there. Cut off the head of one with a
large knife which you will find there,
and bring it to us. You must not take
a light however, and do not get fright
"Dat's all, is it.?" enquired Jake. "Oh.
berry well. I'll do it, shore, for certain;
and as- for hein frighten', oid satin him
self ain't gwiie to frighten me."
Jake accordingly set off, and reached
the dissecting room, grouped about until
he folndl the knife and bodies. HIe had
just applied the knife xo the neck of one
Sof the latter, when from the body he was
about to decapitate, a hollow at d sepul
chural voice exclaimed :
"Let my head alone !"
"Yes, sah," replied Jake : "I aint 'tick
ular ; todder head 11 dojes as well."
He accordingly put the knife to the
head of the next corps, when another
voice equally unearthly in its tone, shriek
ed out:
"Let my head alone "
Jake was puzzled at first but presently
answered :
"Look a yah! Massa Telifer sed I
must bring one ob de heads, and you
isnt gwire to fool me no how !" and Jake
hacked away until he seperated the head
from the body. Thereupon half a dozen
vo;ces all screamed out
"Bring it back ! bring it back !"
Jake hadI reached the door, but, on
hearing this, turned round and said:
"Now, now, see yah! Jes you keep
quiet, you duce ob a fool, an' don't wake
up the women folk. Massa only gwine
to look at the bumps."
"Bring back my head at once 1" cried
the voice.
"Tend to you, right away, sab!" replied
•Take, as lie marched oi' with the head,
and the next minute he deposited it be
fore the doctor.
"So you've got it, I see," said Jake's
master. * `*
"Xbs, sab," replied the unmoved Jake,
but please be 'orre lookin' at him soon,
kase tht gemmen tole me fotch him back
right away !"
- - -
A BEAUTI#I6L Ex'TKACT.-The eminent
Judge Sir Allen Parker, once said at a
public meeting: "We live in the midst
of blessings until we are utterly insensible
o,f their greatness, and of the source
wlw.ce they flow. We speak of our
civilization, our arts, our freedom,, our
laws, and forget entirely how large a share
is due to Christianity. Blot Christianity
out of man's history, and what could his
laws have been-what his civilization ?
Christianity is mixed up with our verv
being and our very life; there is not a
familiar object around you which does
riot wear a different aspect, because the
light of Christian love is on it. Not a
law which does not owe its truth and
gentleness to christianity-not a custom
which car,tt be traced, in all its help
and heahhful parts, to the Gospel.
"IT HAS CoME-Fraz !"-On one oc
casion, during an engagement, Captain
I)uncan, commanding the Flying Artil
lery, Gen. Pillow, in his usual solemn
manner, called out to this officer, "Can
tain Duncan-fire-the crisis has come!"
Duncan, without saying a word, turned
to his men, who were standing by their
guns, already shotted and primed, and
simply called out, "fire!'" The men
were slightly surprised at this order
there being no particular object within
range, when an old rcey headed sergeant
stepped up with--"plaz yer hononor,
what shall we fire at ?" "Fire at the
crisis." said Duncan. "di'd'nt you hear
the General asy it had come.
KRINS' IN LETRass OF G(OLD.--Ik
father whose son was addicted to some
vicious propensities, bade the boy to
drive a nail into a certain post whene4i:
he committed a certain fault, and agreed
that a nail should be drawed out when
ever he corrected an error. In a course
.,f time the post was completely tilled
with nails.
The youth became alarmed at the
' xtent of his indiscretions and set about
reftrming himself. One by one the nails
are drawn out, the delighted father com
meirded him for his noble, self denying
heroism, in freeing himself from his
faults.
"'Ihey are all drawn out," said the,
parent. *
The boy looked sad, and there was
whole volume of practical wisdom in
saddness. With a heavy heart he
plied:
"True father; but the scars are still
:here."
Parents who would have their child
ren grow sound and healthy characters.
mrut sow the seed at the fireside: chari
table associations can reform the man,
and perhaps, make a usefuil member of
iciety; but alas! the scars are there.
The reformed drunkatd, gambler and
thief is only the wreck of the man he
onc- was. he is covered with secars-dis
honorable scars-which will disfigure his
)character as long as he shall live.
A·s Iw.Ta.ESTING SToar.-"Shon, mine
shon," said a wotthy German father to
his hopeful heir of ten years whom he
had overheard using profane language,
"Shon; mi.e shon, come here and I will
tell you a little storish. Now, mine
shon. shall it be a true storis or a make
believes ?"
'aOh, a trite story, of course," answered
John;
"Ferry fell, then. Tere vas vonce a
goot nice oldt shentleman; (shoost like
me,) andt he had a tam tirty hddle poy,
(,boost like you.) Andt von day he
heard him shwearing, like a young filian
as he vos. So he went to the winkle
(corner) and took out a cow hides, shoost
•a I am toing now, and he took der tirty
little blakguard by the collar, (dis ray,
you see) and volloped him shoost so!
Andt den, my dear shon, he pulled his
ears dis vay, and smack his face dat vay,
and tell him to go vithout his supper,
shoost as you vill dis evening."
Just because there is some excitement
in Rath way about mill-dams, the Jersey
City Telegraph must go off in the fol
lowing wicked strain :
D-N.-The people of Rathaway are
still in a great state of excitement in re
gard to the d--n question. The Chan
cellor has enjoined the measures taken
for the removal of the c--n from the
creek, and nothing but d--n is in the
mouth of the citizens. Rathway is a
d-n troubled villiage, and d-n is all
the people think about. The place has
been damned long enough; ,may it soon
be relieved from the incumbus
No "wurser" than Fanny Fern'gasrn
ing letter-which, for shocking and dam
atory language, caps the climax of alf
civil profanity.
IR.in RIoT -A riot occuried on the
22d ult., on the North Pennsylvania
Railroad, in Bucks county, between the
"Far Dowis" and"Corkonians," employ
ed in constructing the tunnel. It is
judged that four hundred laborers were
engaged in it. Four were severely beaten,
and taken to the almshouse. Two of the
ringleaders were arrested.
A friend of ours says it is a remarkab.e
fact, that when the price of, eggs gets
very high the hens quit laying,
The man who made :his observation
is a brother to the chap who discovered
that large rivers always run past large
cities.
"I am glad that this coffee don't owe
me anything," said Brown."
"Why ?" said Smith.
"Because I don't believe it would ever
settle."
"Look here, Jones ! Professor Pudd's
idea is dat de world is but the value of a
dollar."
"Why, how is dat '?
"Case he says it only contains four
quarters."
Snooks says the pretiest sewing mra
chine heover saw was about seventeen
years old, with short sleeves, low neck
dress and gaiter boots on. Snooks is
decidedly a good judge of machinery.
An afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral of his wife, when a friend
i asked him how he wrs. "Well," said
he, patlietially, "I think I feel the better
for that little walk."
A1