The Potter journal. [volume], November 13, 1866, Image 1

About The Potter journal. [volume] (Coudersport, Pa.) 1857-1872

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VOLUME XVIII.--NUMBER 3p.
THE
POTTER JOURNAL,
PUBLISHED BY
M. W. MctALAKXKY, Proprietor.
icy Devoted to the cause of RepnhlicanietH, the in
tereuof Agrlo'lture, the advancement of Education,
and the best nocd <>l Potter county. Owning no guide
except that of Principle, it will endeavor to aid in the
work of more fully Freedoiniziug our Country,
jy Advertisements inserted at the following rate*,
•Xcept where special bargains are made. A -qu.ue
ta 10 linea of Br.-vier or 8 of Nonpareil types :
1 iquare, 1 insertion ■'; •"*
I aquare. 2 or 3 insertions '
Jiioh aub-equent insertion less than IS.#*.. 4 J
1 square, 1 year - "0
Bu tnesa Cards, 1 year ® 00
Administrator's or Executor's Notices 3 jib
Special and Editorial Notices per line 20
•fV All transient advertisements must he paid in
advance.and no notice will l>e taken of advertisements
from a distance, unless theywire accompanied by the
money or satisfactory reference.
►y loh Work, of all kinds, executed with neatness
and despatch.
BUSINESS NOT IC ES.
Free Accepted Ancient York Massus
171 DLALIA LODGE. No. 342, F. A. M. Stated
J Meetings on the 2d and 4th Wednesdays of each
month. Hall, in the 3d Story of the Olmsted Block.
D.C.LARRABKB,SCC. WM. SHEAR, t\.M.
O. T. K M.I.SOX. n. !..
Ft ACTICING PHYSICIAN. Condersport, Pa ,
respectfully informs the citizens ot the village and
-vicinity that he will promptly respond to all calls tor
professional services. Office on First street, tiisi door
west of his residence. 17-40
JOHN S. lIA> \.
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW.
Coudersport, Pa., will attend the several* ourts
lu Potter and Cameron counties. All business en
trusted to his care will receive prompt attention,
office on Main street, in residence.
OI.AINTF.I* ami I.AItHAIiJEK,
VTTOUNKYS AT LAW, Coudersport, Penn'.a.
Will attend to all business entrusted to their
oure with promptness and fidelity. AN ill al-o attend
the several courts in the adjoining comities. office
In the sceond storey of the Olmsted Block.
ISAAC BE.VSOX,
ATTORNEY-AT LAAV, Coudersport, Ta., will
attend to all husiuess entrusted to him * ,th care
and promptness. APet.ds CaM of adjoining coun
ting, Office on Second street,near the Allegany bridge
r. w. KNOX,
. TTOP.NEY AND COUNSELLOR AT T.AAA ,
J\_ Cou tersport, Pa., w.ll attend the Oourts in 1 ot
*er and the adjo : g>i,g counties.
nil. LM{ A Mi'ALAILMiV,
ATTORNEYS- AT LAW, U VRKISBURO, Penn'a.—
Agents for the Collection of Claims ag iii.st the
United States and -tatetioveruiiielit-.sU it as Pensions,
Bounty, Arrears of Pay, Ac-Ad dress Bx SO, larrisb'irg
W U MILLS*, J - c - M ALAHN EV
n. IV. McA I. AItVF Y.
REAL ESTATE and INSURANCE AGENT
Land Bought and Sold, Taxes pan' and i itles
investigated. Insures property again-t nieinth- est
companies in the Country, and Person- again-t A> ci
deals in the Travelers Insurance Company of U.ut
ferd. BCsiness transacted promytly 1< -f
I*. A. STEKBIXS A Co.,
MERCHANTS— Dealers in Dry- floods, T-incy
Goads, Groceri"s.Provision-,l* lour,heed,I *,
and everything usn illy kept in a good country store
l'roduce bought and sold ' -
('. IS. SIMMONS.
MERCHANT— AV ELLS ATI LI.E X Y, AYlm'e-
Uvtai! Dealer in Dry boo U, I* uicy ami
Staple Goods Clothing, Ladies DressG.o.K' ro • nes
Flour. Feed, Ac, Retailers supplied on libera: tcittis
CIIARLIN S. J OA'ICS,
-a ,|"ERCH.VNT—HeaIers in Drugs M-dic-inna, Paints,
I\L Gils, Fancy Articles, Stationery, Dry Gooii-,
Groceries, ice., Main Street, I'oudcr.-port, Pa
I. F.. OI.MSTFO.
r ERCn ANT—Dealer in Dry Goods, Ready-made
A I <:i-thing, Crockery, Groceries. Flour, heed,
jpprz, Provisions, Ac., Main street. Oou lersport, Pa
<OU.IV> SHI I 11.
MERCHANT— Dealer in Dry Goods, Groceries,
Provisions, Hardware, Queensu'are, Cutlery,
and all (Foods n-ually found in a country store, ti'6l
11. J. OI.JISTKI),
HARDWARE Mercnatit, aid Dealer In Stoves,
Tin and Sheet Iron AVare, Main street, Ponder
■ port. IVni.'a Tin and Sheet Iron AVare made to
• r ler, In good style, on short notice.
COOIERSPORT IIOTEIi.
DF. GLASS MIRE, PROPRIKTOR, Comer of Main
and Second streets.Coudersport .Potter Co.Pa.
A Livery Stable is also kept in com ectjon with this
Hotel. Daily Stages to and from the Railroads.
Poller Journal Job-Olliee.
UAVING lately added a flue new assortment of
JOR-TYI'E to our already large assortment,
wo are now prepared to do all kinds of work, cheaply
and with taste and neatness. < >r<lers solicited.
LYMAN HOUSE.
Lewisville. Potter county, Pennsylvania.
nFKTOX LEWIS. Proprietor. Having
taken this excellent Hotel, the proprietor wishes
o make the acquaintance of the traveling public and
eeli) conftdfiit of giving satisfaction. to all who may
all on him. —Feb 12. fiO tf
ARB IT! WOI! K
' Monuments and Tomb-Stones
of n " be furnished on reasona
SkfijCjlA bio terms and short notice by
i\ llronttlo.
B 'A Residence: Eutalia, I*4 miles south of
Coudersport, Pa . on Die pinncmahontng
Road, or leave your orders at the Po"t Office, ted*'
IIAX BARER,
PENSION, BOUNTY and WAR CLAIM AGENCY
Pensions pmenr-d for Soldiers of the present
. War who are disabled by reason of wounds received
or disease contracted while in the service of the United
States ; and pensions, bounty, and arrears of pay ob
tained for widows or heirs of those who have died or
been killed while in service. All letters of inquiry
promptly aue-wered, and on receipt by mail ola state
ment of the case of claimant, I will forward the ne
cessary papers for their signature. Fees irt Pension
cases as tixed by law. Refers to lions. Isaac Benson,
A G. Olmsted, John S. Mann, and F W. Knox. Esq
DAN BAKER,
June* 64 Claim Agent, Coudersport, Pa
ri>"< C /X Per Yonr! We want agents
cj) JL • O vy vA everywhere to sell our IMPROVED
|g(> wing M ictiines. Throe now kinds. Under and
upper feed. Warranted tive years. Above salary
er largo commissions paid. The OSLT machines sold
in the United States for less than S4O, which are fully
licensed by Ifowo, Wheeler A AA'ilson, Grover A Ba
ker, dinger A Co.. A Bachelder. -ALL other cheap ma
chines are infringements and the seller or user are
pabl to arrest, tine, and imprisonment. Circulars
re*. Address, or call upon Shaw A Clark, Bibde
fsrd, Maine, or Chicago, 111.Deo. 26, 186.5. iswly.
Itch! Itch! Itch!
SCRATCH! SCRATCH! SCRATCH!
WHE4TO.VS Ol\T>li:\T,
Will euro tiie Ifcli in 18 Hours!
Also cures SALT RHEUM, ULCERS. CHIL
BLAINS, end all ERUPTIONS OF TnE SKIN.
Price 50 cents. For sale by all druggists. By sending
cents to WEEKS v POTTER. Sole Agents, 170
tv ashtngton street, Boston, it will he forwarded by
• *tl, fres ..f fK>stage,tO any part of the United SstaU*
Jans 1,18t), .p.uoiice wrj- iyr. I
U'lMfflE'S STORY.
At best, we're poor at saying
The things we care for must,
And those who give the freest
Are slowest ones to boast;
But, when I see so many
Go mourning for the dead,
I cannot keep from thinking,
"If they bore MY cross instead !"
I'm a simple country maiden,
Not fair, nor wise, nor great,
But I had a woful struggle
One cruel day, with Fate !
And why the sweet Christ gave me
This bitter cup to drink,
I know not:—nor why mortals
From His baptism shrink !
"Dead in the South !" O, mothers,
It was for Freedom's sake
They left your dear ones sleeping
I n lonesome field and brake !
To Liberty, you gave them !
To go' and be with God !
What though the gate of Eden,
Were bloody battle-sod l
What if in fearful carnage.
Or in tne prison hell.
They gave their lives to Freedom
And the land they loved so well ?
We all die, soon or later ;
And glorious deaths were theirs
Where souls against Earth's evil
Went up to God as prayers !
A million eyes are weeping
For those who went away,
And come not, —though we wait them
Through many a weary day !
O, Love, how light my angusih
I f I had but to weep
For some dar face grown pallid
The tSouth winds oversweep 1
O, Heaven, liow sweet my sorrow,
I f I might hope to see
Beneath the trees of healing
The friend that went from me !
But when our Country called him,
He answered not a word, —
When Freedom cried for succor,
His cohl heart never stirred !
What Love is like, I know not;
But all my soul arose
Ami cried, "No chain can bind me
To my dear Country's foes 1"
What means your bitter weeping
For those brave men who fell '!—
Ton would not have them TRAITORS
Like one I loved so well V EVA.
TOO OF A GOOD THING.
There is one thing in which I think
novelists make a great mistake. If they
particularly desire to enlist the sympathies
of their readers for their hero or heroine,
they represent him or her alone in the
world, destitute of friends or relatives, with
no uncle or aunt, or even a country cousin
to fall back upon.
Now to my mind, such a situation is the
acme of bliss.
Everybody who reads this will call ine a
brute; but 1 wish before he judges me, that
lie wait till lie is the youngest of sixteen
children; born of a mother who was afflict
ed with twelve brothers and sisters, and
son of a father who has ten sisters living.
This is my situation—the situation of
James Brown, of Brownville.
I cannot remember the time when my
relatives were not a source of trouble to
me.
All through my childhood I was afflicted
with aunts. They wanted to kiss me; and
though I never objected to being kissed by
the ladies in general, I objected to this
monopoly of aunts. And, besides, all my
aunts but one took snuff; and she smoked.
As I grew older, my uncles became my
trial. They wanted me to do chores. They
were ad settled down near my father's res
idence—most of them farmers; and if the
sheep got in the field, or the horses jumped
out of the pasture, or the cat eat up the
chickens, Jim was called to attend to the
matter. It's the greatest wonder in the
world that I did not run my feet off before
I reached the age of young manhood.
When I reached the period of being
tortured with the tie of my cravats, and
agonized about the glossiness of my dick
ies, then my cousins came down upon me
with their wants. If they wanted to go
to a concert, or singing school, or lecture,
or dance, why there was cousin Jim. Of
course cousin Jim would be delighted to go.
And cousin Jim would go; and they
would flirt with other fellows, who were
not cousins, all the evening; and likely
enough get to sleep going home, and leave
cousin Jim the pleasure of whistling to the
moon for amusement.
When I was about twenty, my father
removed to Boston. Twelve of my broth
ers and sisters were married; two were at
school; and only Ellen and myself were at
home.
I was delighted with the change. We
should be relieved from our relatives. Most
of them were thoughtful of their money,
and would not be likely to spend fifteen or
twenty dollars in visiting us.
I began to make myself into a gentle
man. I patronized the barber and his un
guents —and cultivated a moustache, which
was my beau ideal of perfection. I wore
bright colored neckties, and sported a gold
watch, and invested three dollars in a rat
tan, and six dollars in a beaver, which al
ways gave me the headache, and made me
look precisely like an inverted candle mould.
But no matter for that, so long as I was
fashionable.
1 made the- acquaintance of several
iolbouTto % {riqciples of IN* jktyochKj), qgD tt>g QlwtyWm jEfaWe W* &**• _
COUDERSPORT, POTTER COUNTY, PA., TUESDAY NOVEMBER 13, 1865.
charming young ladies, among whom was
Miss Flora Van Voorliies, the belle of the
street in which we lived. Flora was a
beauty, and one of the most fastidious
creatures in the world. Nothing was quite
good and elegant enough for her. She
Avould not have breathed the common air
if she could have conveniently dispensed
with it; and if the soles of her dainty boots
touched the soil of mother earth, it affected
Flora's nerves so badly, that she had a
headache for hours afterward.
I was raised to the seventh heaven and
lemon colored kids by her preference; and
every night I devoutly prayed that some
of my relatives might not appear aud nip
the whole thing in the bud.
Five months rolled away, and I began
to feel at ease. None of them had troub
led us, and we had nt heard from them
in any way. I indulged the hope that
they had forgotten us. So, I think, did
my mother, who had become quite gen
teel, and had formed some very genteel
acquaintances.
One morningwhen Mrs. St. Michael, and
Mrs. Loery, two of our most distinguished
acquaintances, were in the parlor with my
mother, one of the railway hacks stopped
ot our front door. An indefinable dread
seized me. I felt myself growing cold as a
peeled frog. From the hack there issued
three bandboxes, two trunks, a butter box,
a handled basket, a bundle in brown paper,
an umbrella, and lastly a green poke bon
net, beneath which I distinguirhed the
little wizened face of my father's oldest
sister—Aunt Sally Nutter. The very
blackest sheep of the ivhole flock of rel
atives !
'•Bring 'em all right into the entry," she
called in a stefitoriau voice, "I'm tu hum
here. This is brother Jason's house. La!
Jasou's got up iu the ivorld sense he used
to peddle lobsters! It was a lucky thing
for him that he went to making pills, and
got Doctor hitched on before his name!
I ixpict Martha's got so big you can't tech
her with a ten foot pole. But law! she
needn't try to put on any extras with me!
I know 'ein all. root and branch! egg and
bird!" and she burst into the room, carry
ing her basket and bandboxes.
The blinds were drawn, and Aunt Sally's
foot struck against an ottoman, which
© 7
brought her down, basket, bundles and all
to the floor. The cover of the basket flew
open and out rolled seven dozen of eggs —
mast of wbicn were smashed by the fall,
but some were in a good state of pre
servation.
"Consarn it!" cried aunt Sally, strug
gling from the ruins, "there goes seven
dozen of eggs! And I brung 'em here to
git thirty cents a dozen; they hain't been
but fifteen at Brownsville! What on airth
do you have your house so dark for ?
Anybody sick, or dead, or gwine to be ?
It sinells mouluy here! Do open a win
der, so I can see an inch before my nose!"
My mother, red and discomposed, threw
open a blind. Aunt Sally rushed up to
her.
"Why, Martha, hoAv tickled I am to see
you! You look as nateral as life, only it
seems to me, you begin to show your age!
Wall 'taint to be wondered at! A woman
that's brung up so many children as you
have, when she gits to be fifty year old,
will naturally begin to look old! And
here's Jim, I declare! why how you've
growd ! But I must say you hain't growd
handsome! The Brown family hain't apt
to. He's going to be the express image
of his granther —hain't he Martha ? Jest
the same drop to his under jaw! But
who's these ere people here ? Some of
your city friends, I recon!"
Mrs. Leory lifted her eye glass, and
surveyed aunt Sally with an ill concealed
contempt.
"Ho! ho! I recon you're nigh sighted,
inarm; thought so the minit 1 seed your
eyes. Fives that is kinder faded out, and
reddish like yourn, is apt to be weak. Ever
tried rose leaves steeped in milk ?"
Mrs. Leory arose, and drew her skirt
around her. Her face was as red as her
eyes. She spoke very pointedly.
"I think 1 will be a going, Mrs. Brown;
you have other company vastly more
amusing."
My poor mother stammered out some
thing, and followed the ladies into the hall.
Aunt Sally brought up the rear, ciying
out:
"You'd better do something for your
eyes rite off! They look dreadfully! I
can see it clean here!"
My mother drew my aunt back.
"1 will show you up stairs now, if you
please," said she.
"Oh, no! I don't keer about seeing
your house just yet. There'll be time
enuff for that; for if I like Boston, 1 kal
kerlate to stay four or five weeks! I'm
tired now; them pesky keers has eanamost
shook me all to pieces. And then your!
roads here is so rocky, I got all jounced
up! If I lived here, I'd have all the rocks
picked out of the roads if I had to do it
myseli."
1 seized my hat and left the houso. I
was too much excited to stay in aunt Sal
ly's society any longer at present. Any
thing was better than staying at home'
with her.
I rushed down the first little street that
offered; but my course Avas soon stopped
by a crowd, among which the star ot the
policeman shone conspicuous.
"I say I didn't do it!'' cried a some
what familiar voice pitched on an extremely
high key, "1 tell you I didn't tech it; and
if you don't let me alone, I'll knock you
down by hokey ! Hello! there's my cous
in Jim! lie knows me, and he'll tell you
that I'm iest as honest a feller as the day
is long!"
1 shuddered. Here was another of my
relatives; and at a little distance I recog
nized the glossy tile of Dick Van Voorliies,
—Flora's brother.
"I say, Jim!" cried my cousin, Tom
Brown, flourishing his arms at me, "come
here this minit, and tell this man I hain't
a pickpocket! I say, Jim!"
"1 don't know you!" stammered I; and
taking a step backward, I stumbled over
the stand of a candy and apple-woman,
upsetting the whole concern, and myself
besides. The woman was angry, as she
had a right to be; and called me some very
hard names iu a very strong brogue, and
hit me two severe blows with a long han
dled, two quart noggin!
1 scrambled to my feet and fled, hearing
as I went, the flattering remark from a by
stander :
"He looks more like a pickpocket than
tother one! Shouldn't wonder if he was
the one! lie's got a real hang-dog ex
pression !"
1 plunged into the first cross-street that
offered, and came upon George Seaward, a
young sprig of the aristocracy, with whom
I had an acquaintance. He gave me a
cigar, and we walked up the street togeth
er, smoking, and making remarks on the
ladies we met.
A coal cart came rattling along, and a
rusty voice sung out,
"Hallo! if there isn't cousin Jim Brown !
Jim, 1 say, look up here and see Sam
won't you ? Shake hands with a
feller, do;*' aud he extended toward me a
paw which, for size, would have fitted a
Hercules, and, for color, an Ethiopian.
I made a dodge into the back yard of a
house, the inmates of which set a dog on
me, and inspired by the stimulous of his
bark, I managed to escape into anoiher
yard, by climbing over the fence, and
leaving my hat and coat-tails behind me
as a souvenir!
In my mad flight through yard No. 2,
I nearly overturned a young woman who
was hanging clothes on a line. I opened
my mouth to apologize, but she seized me
by the arm with an exclamation of delight.
• "\\ by, Jim Brown, 1 declare! don't you
know me? Me, your cousin Nelly ?"
" J J
I broke from her; and no grass grew
: under my feet until I was safe in my own
chamber. L sunk down completely ex
hausted, wondering if the entiie popula
j tion of Boston consisted of my relations.
Suddenly I remembered that I was go
ing to the theatre that night with Flora,
j I must put my hair iu papers, and perfume
my moustache.
i At dinner, Aunt Saliy eyed me curi
ously, and a>ked me what I had got my
hair rolled up for. She guessed there was
going to be a quilting somewheres, she
said. My mother unfortunately informed
her that 1 was going to the theatre. From
that moment my doom was sealed.
That was the place,of all others,that aunt
Sally wanted to visit. And she "could go
with me jest as well as not, if not more
so," she said complacently.
I dressed myself, when the time came,
and hurried out at a side door, determined
to balfle aunt Sally; but the old woman
was too sharp for me. These she satcom
[ posed ly. on one of the stone lions that
flanked the gateway, dressed in a flounced
piuk calico, aud a yellow bonnet, waiting
for me.
"I'm all ready," she remarked, jumping
up; aud I've took my work-bag along,with.
some crackers iu it. If it holds in till after
nine o'clock, we shall want a kinchin."
We stepped into the street. The people
stared at us. I felt as red as a full blown
poppy. My face streamed with perspira
tion. I could noteudure it; it was no use.
Politdness 1 ignored in this case. I took,
advantage of the old lady's rapt gaze at
the window of a print shop, to bolt down a'
by street; and iu a few moments I was in
the presence oi my divine Flora. We
walked leisurely to the theatre; lat my
ease—for 1 knew that the old lady never |
could iiud her way, unassisted, to the,
theatre.
Judge, then, of my horror, when, on
reaching that place of amusement, the first
spectacle that greeted my eyes iVas aunt
Sally, standing in the door, her work-bag
on her arm, her voice raised to its highest
tension, and her right hand gesticulating'
to the crowd she had gathered around her.
"He went out of sight jest like a flash!"
she wits saying, "and I give a little boy a
ten cent piece to show me the way here—
and I'm waiting for him to come along.
I'm kinder afeard he's got lost, for he was
alius rather weak-headed; but, seein as if
he might have asked somebody the way;
he's got a tongue in his head, Hallo!
there he is now, and the Queen of Ingland
with him, by her gouud! Come along,
!Jim; the meetin's jest goin to begin!
' They're a tootin on the bass-viol now!
' Where on airth did you go so quick ? Is
J that your gal ?"
Indignation and dismay held me silent.
Flora's face was like a blush-rose. The
' crowd, by a great effort, restrained them
selves from cheering the old lady; but it
j was very evident to me that they would
, not long exercise any such forbearance.
"Jim," said my ancient relative, in a
'confidential whisper, loud enough to be
heard by the whole assembly, "you've got
some smut on your upper lip! I seed it
before we started, but I didn't like to say
nothing. You'd better wipe it off; it looks
I dreadfully!"
The crow rbared. Smut, indeed!
, My cherished moustache, that I had scented
land oiled, and admired for three long
months! If the old lady had been a man,
I should have challenged her on the spot.
With a desperate effort I addressed Flora.
"Flora, my dear; we Avill go in, and not
pay attention to that insane old woman."
Flora turned toward me, an irou deter
mination in her blue eye.
"Frank," she said—-she always called
me Frank—"tell me who that horrid old
creature is before I go another step!"
"Horrid critter! I hain't a horrid crit
ter!" cried aunt Sally, waving her work
bag. "I'm a decent woman, and hain't
got no paint onto my face, as some folks
that I know of has. And I'm Jim Brown's
own aunt —his father's sister, Sally, that
married a Nutter; and I've mended his
pinnvfores and trowsers mnnv a time!"
Flora listened, and when aunt Sally fin
ished, she cast upon me such a look.
"Mr. Brown," she said, quietly, "I have
the honor to wish yon a very good evening,
with your estimable relative;" and then
took the arm of Fttz Ludlow, and sailed
away.
1 thought I should have fainted on the
spot; and, perhaps I should, if I had not
felt my sleeve vehemently pulled. I turn
ed and saw a lean-faced man.
"Jim," said he, lend your uncle five dol
lars, do. I've left my pocket-book to
■ hum!"
Good gracious! it was uncle Solomon
French! aud behind him was my uncie
Bill, and behind him my aunt Maty and
cousin Susan. I did not stop to see how
many more there was. I took it for grant-
I ed that the whole audience was to be com
posed of my relatives. I jumped down
i the step e and fled at the top of my speed.
Aunt Sally cried at the extent of her
lungs:
"Stop him I stop him ! I'll give a quar
ter to the man who captivates him !"
Community at large at once decided
that 1 must be a thief or a murderer, and
they rushed after me at a railway speed,
j A dozen dogs joined in tlß* chase, making
night hideous with their howling. I was
in too much of a hurry to keep a very
keen lookout for obstacles, and the
first thing I knew, I ran headlong over a
lady drawing a baby carriage.
Of course she was angry. She seized
the baby with one hand, and my shoulder
with the other, and began a lecture in lan
guage more forcible than polite. I tore
myself loose and renewed my flight.
But they overtook me. I had commit
ted a crime which people never overlook;,
I had abused a woman with a baby—SO :
they said. I deserved death on the spot.
A couple of policemen came up opportune-'
ly. They made a little flourish of author
ity and marched me off to the watch-,
house.
In that interesting school of morals I
remained until the next morning, when
my examination took place, and no one I
appearing against me, I w;is discharged.!
But 1 would not go home. Aunt Sally
was still. there; perhaps a dozen more of
my relatives, since "it never rains but it i
pours."
A bright thought struck me. I would
put the ocean between us. A whaler was
lying at one of the wharves, which was
advertised to sail that very day. I went
down there, entered my name on the book,
got a seaman's rig, and presented myself
to the captain for inspection, lie received
i me with open arms.
"Good heavens!" cried I.
"Yes!" said he, "I am your own cousin,
David ; and your cousin Daniel, and George
are among the crew, and your aunt Peggy
is going as far as Florida for her health."
I waited to hear no more. The vessel
i was jnst putting off, but I could swim.
Thank heaven, 1 could swim! And with
out so much as saying good-bye, I dashed
into the water, and struggled to the shore,
to be met by aunt Sally, who exclaimed: I
"Better go right home, Jimmy, and
change your stockings. Wet feet is dread
ful apt to pring on the rbeumatiz. Don't
mind him, captain 1" yelled she after the
receding vessel, "he was allers a little weak
in the upper story!"
I broke from aunt Sally—-went to a ho
tel—dried my clothihg—got into a rail
way car —went to Philadelphia, and en
listed in the army. My captain is my
uncle Saul, and I have three cousins in my
company, and five more in another regi
ment with which ours is brigaded.
Did et'er a poor fellow have such luck ?
—_________ —• dk
TERMS.--$1.50 PER ANNUM.
! If I should ever bo* found, some fine morn
! ing, at the end of a rope, it will be tbo
J fault of my relatives.
DRILL TOR VOLCNTJSERS. —Fall in! To
.'good ways and habits.
Attention! To your own business.
Right face! Manfully do your duty, and
[ keep sober.
| Quick Marck 1 From temptation to do
t anything which is unmanly.
J Halt! When conscience tells you that
, i you aro not doing as you would like oth
ers to do to you.
Rio-bt About Face I From dishonesty
; and falsehood.
Present Arms! Cheerfully when your
wife asks you to bold the baby tor an hour.
Break oft'! Bad habits, and everything
which is likely to retard your advancement
I in this world and a place in the world to
come.
A Western friend sends the following!
"We have in our town a good-hearted and
well-meaning man, who sometimes, in en*
deavoring to be profound, 'gets oft some
very queer sayings. Among otber good
qualities he has an implicit confidence in
Providence, which he ouce qualified in this
way: Ho had just returned from a long
aud tedious ride on a wet and cold wiii
ter's day. Sitting down by the fire and
warming himself, he remarkel to a triend,
'Peter,! really believe if it had not been
for the blessing of a kind Providence ainJ
these thick pants, I should have caught
my death of cold ! ;
SHARP.— An Irish boy, trying hard to
get a place, denied that lie was Irish. "I
' dont know what you mean by not being
' an Irishman" 1 said the gentleman, who was
J about to hire hiai; —"but this I do know,
that you were born in Ireland." "Oeli •
your honor, if that's all, small blame thai.
Suppose your old cat had kittens in the
' oven, would they bo loaves ot bread I
jThe boy got the place.
A well-known Democrat of Boston was
accosted the other day by a Republican
with the question, "How does your party
| flourish ?" "They are scarce, sir, rrrV
I scarce; so much so, sir, that a dved-in-lhe-
I wool Democrat attracts attention in the
streets; they are rare, sir, very rare I al
ways take the back streets uow, sir, to avoid
impertinent curiosity."
At Cleveland, during the delivery of
Mr. Johnson's speech, that iuterrogatory
gentleman repeatedly asked, "W hat pledge
have 1 broken ? "A dilapidated boot black
on the pavement below, getting tired of
the repetition, responded in a shrill voice,
"The temperance pledge."
The Pennsylvania election has rendered
the Democrats hopeless. The old lady
whose horse ran away said: "I put my
j trust in Providence 'till the hritchen broke,
and then I didn't know what to do. Penn*
! sylvania was the "britohen" of Democracy.
A Philadelphia clergyman, in the
course of a sermon, recently remarked:—•
you need not c!ap your hands so fervently
in prayer that you can't get them open
when the contributron box comes round."
' The manager of the Nashville theatre
was perplexed the other night The stage
carpenter took laudanum, and the low
comedian took the cholera. 1 lie play was
commenced, however, and presently some
! body s'arted a false alarm of fire, aud thus
emptied the theatre.
Somebody says a baby laughing in its
dreams is conversing with angels. Per
haps so; but we have seen them crying in
their waking hours as though they were
having a spat with the Devil.
"Nine tailors make a man." Ninety
nine tailors like Andy Johnson wouldn't
make a man as good and loyal as "Our
martyred President."
A young lady in Wisconsin had both
legs and her collar bone broken bv the
kicking of a horse, who got his foot en
tangled in her hoops.
Why cannot a deaf man be legally con
victed ? Because it is not lawful to con
demn a man without a hearing.
Why do the birds feel depressed early
in a summer morning? Because their
bills are all over dew.
What is the dilference between a man
and a bedstead ? One flees for refuge, and
the other is a refuge for fleas.
Oliver Wendell Holmes is noticed in a
Russian paper as Oliver Vendel Golms.
A Virginia gentleman of Ift has just
married a matron of 58.
Why is rheumatism like a glutton
Because it attacks the joints.
A fine coat may cover a fool but can
never conceal one.
What workman never turns to the left ?
A wheel-right;