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Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, May 31, 1878, Image 1

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lowa County Democrat.
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VOL. XII.
THE COQUETTE'S PLEA.
What! cire up flirting? The idea:
FU like to know, indeed.
What Haerllloe you'll next lequlre.
There Is no real need
Of eating thus three times a day:
I’ll give that up, if so you say.
Why, Toni, 1 tlirl when other girls
Would have it erv, and tlnd
It is more soothing to the nerves
And cheering to'the mi L
A damp, unpleasant Niohe
No man shall ever make of me.
Not tlirl * Then what’s the use ol eyes,
Ur lips, or golden hair?
Dirt Harry kisa me? Yes, he did!
You need not stand and stare
Like any Uorgeon; he’s my own
Dear cohsin, and so handsome grown.
Not flirt? Why. It is sunbeams play;
Birds sing or mount alarl
1 like to be '■ the hope, the life-
Thc very guiding slai"
or every handsome man 1 see;
I want them to make love to me.
Not flirt? Why, e’en the stablest flower
Nods in coquettish glee
To every naughty zephyr that
Comes whispering o’er the lea.
They say I’m like the flowers and so
I do Just as 1 see them do.
IM flirt with grandpa, dear old man,
if he were still alive;
I oil rehearse with little Ben,
W tin’s only Just turned live.
And still, to keep my hand in, make
sweet eyes ill Bruno and old Jake.
Grow old! Well, all the men I know
Will grow old. too! I'll wear
The sweetest caps and daintiest ties,
And crimp my snowy hair;
I’ll hang my walls with pictured beaux.
To cheer my heart while knitting hose.
“THE EGG THICK. M
Fooling the Wrong Passenger,
When Whacker, “ magician,” last vis
sited our land, he found no greater ad
mirer than Job Pennypacker.
Job himself had dabbled, in an ama
teur manner, in Icdgerdenmin; had
made many shillings disappear through
tables and reappear at the cry, “ Presto,
change!” could make six halls fly about
in the air with the ease of an Indian jug
gler, and, even while bobbing about,
vanish, to be found in the pockets of in
nocent bystanders.
And Mr. Whacker’s mysterious per
formances were viewed by him with the
syniphatizing pleasure of a brother
artist.
“The “egg trick,” which was, in
brief, a seemingly inexplicable power of
taking eggs out of anything, in any
number and under any circumstances,
particularly charmed him, and, seeking
audience with Mr. Whacker, lu- penmi
aded him to teach him the wonderful
art, and soon found himself capable of
delighting mid astonishing his acquain
tances.
He took eggs, out of his grandfather’s
hat and his mother’s work-basket, ac
cused the postman of having brought
him a dozen in a letter, and proved it on
the spot.
He caused the servant girl to give
warning, by fishing eggs out of her
bandbox, frightened ignorent people,
and puzzled smart ones to his heart’s
content.
And once or twice he played the old
stock trick of the magician upon some
market woman by buying eggs of her
which he broke in her presence, taking
from the shell, not a yolk, lul a half
crown, and so setting her to smashing
her whole stock, believing them to he
the production of the veritable fairy
hen who laid the golden eggs.
But even a wonder trick loses its
charm when it lias been played on one
a hundred times.
Therefore, that the time and money
which he had spent on tie* acquisition
of the egg trick might not he wasted,
Mr. Pennypacker turned his attention
to the public, and upon the occasion of
a long journey, practiced noon guards,
porters and fellow-passengers to an as
tonishing extent.
It was upon a certain railroad that he
hist came upon as tempting an oppor
tunity as had ever been offered to him.
Opposite him rode tin elderly woman
with a basket full of provisions, ratfish
es, turnips, lettuce, and new-laid eggs,
and near her sat a stupid looking young
man, with his mouth wide open, his
eyes almost shut, and l>oth hands
plunged in the pockets of a coat several
sizes too large for him.
Mr. Job Pennypacker chuckled. Now
he would play magician on a larger
scale than ever before.
He would begin mildly, and the
“plot” should “thicken” as lie went
on.
Accordingly he stooped a .and apparent
ly picked up tin egg from the floor,
which he handed to the old lady, with
an indifferent “ Here, ma’am, you’ve
dropped this out of your basket,”
“Thank ye. I’m sure,” said the wo
man, and settled the egg coniportably
amongst its fellows.
In a moment more, however. Mr.
Pennypacker stooped again.
“I must say, madam,” be said, a lit
tle sharply, " that you are very car Hess
with such* brittle things as eggs. Here
are three more on the floor.”
“ I can’t understand!” cried the old
lady. “ Why there must lx; a hole in
the’basket. Why, thank you. I won
der they aren’t smashed.”
But there was no hole in the basket,
and finally the old lady decided that
there was “no accounting for them eggs
getting out,” and thrust them carefully
under the lettuce and radishes.
By this time the attention of all the
other passengers was aroused, and now
was the moment for the final effort.
MINERAL POINT. WTS.. FRIDAY, MAY 31. IS7S.
“The most singular thing 1 overheard
of," said Job. “ Ah, ah! 1 understand
it now. Don’t you feel ashamed of your
self, sir*” and he frowned and nodded
at the stupid young man with the big
coat, who seoweld at him in return.
“ 1 ashamed ! 1 haven’t done nothin’,”
eried the young tuan, indignantly.
“ Do you call it nothing to rob tins
excellent old lady of her eggs?" cried
Job, with an air of virtuous disgust.
“ You have done nothing else since you
entered the carriage; and you have a
dozen in your pocket at this mo
ment !”
" You’re telling lies 1" eried the young j
man. “ What do I want of raw eggs?
You’d belter search me, and set' whether
I’ve got any eggs on me or no."
“ 1 will then, sir; 1 will," said Job,
“ and 1 call on my fellow-passengers to i
be my witnesses. Ah ! 1 thought sit 1
Two eggs in your vest pocket. Here,
madame. What 1 Two more in the
pockets of your trousers ! Take them,
madame, take them; and —bless me !
his coat pockets are full of them ! Here,
hand them over to the lady, someone,
One —two —litres —six —ten —a dozen !"
“He ought to be ashamed of him
self,” cried one of the passengers.
" !t’s perfectly dreadful!’’ exclaimed
another— a woman.
“ I feel cold chills all over me when 1 j
think of it," sobbed the old lady.
“ I’ut him out!” yelled a chorus, j
We don’t want thieves here !"
“I haven’t taken a solitary egg," said '
tin' young man, evidently trembling, ,
“This here fellow is the devil—that’s
what he is. Wall, find more eggs in
my pockets, will you.”
“No more in your pockets, friend,”
said Mr. I’eunypaeker, “but in your
hat. Ah, ha ! I thought so!’
He snatched oil’ the soft hat and look
ed into it with a stern eye, and began
to take from it one egg after another,
while the old lady’s astonishment and
the indignation of the other passengers
grew greater and greater.
Just at this instant the whistle shriek
ed, and the train slowly came to a
stand-still at Harkinton.
“ I ain’t goin’ to stand this no more I"
yelled Job I’ennypacker’s victim. “ Let
me go !” And, wrenching himself from
the amateur magician’s grasp, he rush
ed from the car, sprang to the ground,
and was seen to dart up the road at a
tremendous rate, only pausing on the
i>Lur<nm for a moment to piok op Ills
hat, which his tormentor threw out of
the window after him.
“ It becomes my duty to explain,"
said Job I’ennypacker, rubbing his
hands and looking conceitedly about
him. “That young man is as honest
as any of us. I’ve only been teasing
him a little. You've all heard of
Whacker, the magician. Ah, I see you
have; and of his famous egg trick.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I learned
the trick of Mr. Whacker while he was
performing in York, and I think you’ve
seen enough to know 1 learned it toler
ably—very tolerably, for an amateur.”
“Astonishing!” cried one. “Aston
ishing!” echoed the rest of the pas
sengers. Hut now tin 1 guard, a large
man, slow of speech and sarcastic of
smile, put in his word as he took Job’s
ticket.
“Well, 1 suspected something of the
sort,” he said, “ but I wasn’t sure. You
see, that fellow you tackled is a well
known pick-pocket, and is capable of
stealing eggs or anything else. Perhaps
you’d better examine your own pockets.
He’s very adroit, and if you’ve got otl
without {using anything, alter being so
close to that fellow, you are a ma
gician.”
With a pule face, Job Penny packer
began to dive first into one pocket and
then into the other. With a paler one
he sat down, leaving them all turned
inside out and empty. His handker
chief was gone, his cigar-case, pocket
book, containing thirty pounds. Each
of these discoveries caused him anew
pang. He put his hand to his throat to
loosen his cravat, for Job Pennypacker
was of an apopletic habit, and easily
lost his breath under the influence of
agitation. Alas! a diamond pin of
value had disappeared also. So in a
moment more he discovered, had the
amethyst ring which he always wore
upon his little linger.
The passengers looked grim. The old
woman with the basket looked quite a
moral.
Job did not enjoy the joke. He got
down at the next station and telegraph
ed the robbery to the proper quarters.
But he has never recovered his proper
ly, and the “ egg trick ’ has forever lost
its charm to him.
Tkv to live such a life, so full of events
and relationships, that the two great
tilings, ths power of Christ and the value
of your brethren’s souls, shall he tangi
ble and certain to you, not subjects of
speculation and belief, but realities
which you have seen and known; then
sink the shell of personal experience,
lest it should hamper the truth that you
must utter, and let the truth go out as
the shot goes, carrying the force of the
gun with it. but leaving the gun behind.
— R> >. PhiUipx Rrooks.
There is an area of forty acres in
North Carolina that has yielded over
$1,000,000 in gold since the w ar.
THE FAK.n.
If you are a farmer be a good one.
Farm well. Have a good orchard, good
garden, good stock and an intelligent
family. He intelligent yourself, ami
thus secuie the respect of all who know
you.
As soon as the upper portion of the
straw of the cereals become yellow, no
further increase takes place in the
weight of the seed. If the grain be not
cut down soon after the appearance of
this sign, its quality deteriorates, ami
its weight diminishes.
The Farmm' -Ideooi/c gives this asthe
best whitewash for poultry houses: In
to the whitewash pail drop a teacupful
of soft boiled rice and mix thorougidy.
Then pour into a quart pot of cold wa
ter, say ten or twelve drops of crude
carbolic acid. Mix this into the rest,
and swab the interior of your hen-house
with it. For outside, use rock salt dis
solved, instead of hoiled rice, and dis
pense with carbolic acid. No other
preparation of whitewash ever equalled
this for poultry buildings.
Hees require special attention at the
present time,see that they have plenty
of food, do not depend on the first blos
soms that appear. If the weather is
cold and wot, very little honey can be
found, sometimes none. Continue
feeding the hees until you are quite
sure they can get honey. At this sea
son you should be particular to kill all
bugs ami worms, that you may find
about your hives.
t Jooii Fiki.Us,—As an instance of
high farming m Maine, we find in the
Maine Funner, records of crops of corn
in 1*.*77 ranging from 72 to h!7 bushels
per acre, and raised at a cost in one in
stance of L’l cents per bushel. It is not
stated, however, whether the yield was
bushels of ears, sometimes computed
east, or bushels of shelled corn. In
either ease, however, the yield is credit
able. In wheat culture, ‘207 bushels
are credited from 5 acres; tit* bushels
from 1 acre; 52 bushels from another;
25 hushrls from 12.'! rods of ground, and
other quantities down to 25 bushels
per acre.
That famous $50,000 cow which was
so much talked about in this country a
few years ago, has a rival in point of
pecuniary worth in a SSOO chicken. The
Kw/Ukli Agricultural (lusrlir says that a
game cock was recently sold for the
above excessive price, and suggests that
in the future the raising of sueu chick
ens would prove a very lucrative source
of income. The same journal says that
over $1.‘5,000,000 worth of eggs were im
ported into England in 1870, and yet the
supply wits short of the demand. Here
is an opening for ponltrymen and a
wider field for the inventor of egg-pre
serving processes and egg-carving de
vices.
The Journal of thr Chciniivl Socirlj/
(England) says pure butter contains
from 00 to OS per cent, of pure butler
fat and a small quantity of water. Its
color should be from yellowish white to
reddish yellow, but this depends on the
kind of fodder given to the cows, and
may be produced by means of beet root
or other plants possessed of coloring
properties. The coloring mutter may
he detected by treating the butter with
slrni g alcohol. The melting point of
pure butter is from thirty to thirty-sev
en degrees, while artificial butter melts
at from twenty-seven to thirty-one de
gress, Substances used to increase tin*
hulk and weight of butter are chalk,
gypsum, oxide of zinc, starch, and so
forth. These neither improve its flavor
nor its wholesonieness. The agreeable
smell of pure butter, with a plight sug
gestion of milk, is not easy (.o imitate
by artificial means.
Aukk i i.ti'KAi, J’impositions.—ls it,not
better to cut two tons of hay from one
acre of land, than to cut two tons from
two acres ?
If one acre o p land can he made to
produce 2IHI bushels of potatoes, is it
not better than 200 bushels from vo
acres?
If the same quantity of manure, and
the same amount of labor in ploughing
and cultivating, will produce as much
corn from one acre of land as could he
produced from two acres with only tin*
ame amount of labor and manure
spread out upon two acres, is it not
! much better to do so?
! Is it not much better husbandry to
j make two spears of grass grow where
I one grows now, than to double the
acres?
If ten cows, turned out to oast tire as
■ soon as the grass turns green and kept
lout until snow Hies, without any saving
[of manure, except what is made in the
I winter, and that thrown out into the
weather, can keep up a certain farm,
how many cows would it take to keep
up the same farm under the soiling
system, all the manure being saved ainl
well housed ?
If a hundred bushels of apples can
he gathered from twenty trees, left to
themselves, without any special care,
and scattered here and there over the
farm, what is the use of taking good
care of ten trees standing near each
other, even if they can be made to pro
duce the same amount of fruit as the
twenty ?
If cows can be made to eat dries!
weeds and brakes with a little grass
mixed in, what is the use of cultivating
land and manuring it to grow herds
grass ?
If one can get through this life with
out doing anything thoroughly, and
finally he buried at someone’s expense,
what is the use of keeping up your
farm in good condition and having first
late crops and first rate stock?
What is the use of being anybody,
when it costs a life of industry and fru
gality, if one can he nobody without
any etfort at all?
These propositions can he answered
according to the taste and inclination of I
the individual, depending upon whether I
he is somebody or nobody. .V E ,
Homesteiul.
Exciting t'umbaf of Snakes.
Washing! n Star.
An exciting " mill ” took place at the
National Muesum the other day. The
lives snakes, of which there are quite a
number, are kept in four glass east's,
the bottoms of which are covered with
sand. Recently a water-snake was put
in the ease which the king snake occu
pies. His kingship resented the intru
sion and attacked the visitor, and the
two wont tumbling around theease to
gether in approved pugilistic stylo.
Threo rounds were fought, in the first
two the snake forced the fighting, and
the water-snake confined himself mainly
to getting out of the awkward and dan
gerous positions in which the strength
and skill of his adversary placed him.
But as “ the dodo will turn when trod
den upon," so w ill the water-snake w hen
bitten too hard, and when rubbed down
with a sponge after the second round
he seemed to get his second wind and
was eager for the fray. Meanwhile the
king snake had opened his month to its
full capacity, and was sharpening his
teeth against the side of the ease. Then
came the fierce encounter, and both
snakes fought nobly. Finally the king
snake took his adversary’s head entirely
in his month and began to chew on it.
which seemed to discourage the water
snake, and caused his hacker to throw
up the sponge. The victor of the match
is an old hand at contests of this kind,
and recently hit an offending neighltor
completely in two.
A Particular Servant.
This is the latest story that emanates
from the kitchen. Our servants have
now for some years past become "Ur
mistresses, and we groan in slavery be
neath their sway, hut submit a? a mut
ter of course to what is inevitable, A
lady spent the hi st part of last week in
a registry office in London. She was in
want of a cook. She hud to endure the
usual sharp cross-examinations, snnh
hings anti fault-findings, although the
wages she offered were ample and the
work moderate. She was nearly in des
pair, wht'ii at last someone look pity
on her and kindly t'ondeeeinled to ac
cept the vacant situation of kitchen
superintendent. Ami what was the
cause of this gracious behavior? It was
not the handsome wages, not the per
quisilies, not the number of underlings
she was to reign over, nor even the al
leged absence of black beetles in the
basement. It was because the lady’s
resilience stood upon a terrace. Hays
mistress cook: "I have refused six
hexellent sitivatimis because 1 si reel’
and ‘ place’sound so ’orrid vulgar for
one’s liyddress. But 1 terrace' atop of
my letters will look quite hariserocral
>ic.”- Is muon Litter.
• -
Marriage Contract of ye Olden Time.
At the April meeting of the London
Society of Biltii'ii.l Arelueology, the
“ Translation of an Egyptian Hnnlraet
of Marriage” was presented by Eugene
j lit >vll Li i it. The original of this curious
dociinlent, which is among the treasures
of the Louvre, is written in the deniotie
character upon a small sheet of papy
rus, It hears the date of the year .'t.’i of
Ptolemy I’hiladelphus, and the con
i trading parlies are Butina, son of I'helk
honse, and Taonteni, the daughter ol
Helm. 'The terms of the deed express
with great particularity the amount of
dowry required by Loth sides, and the
provisions made in ease of repudia
tion. Then followed a declaration of
The rights of the children which may
result from the marriage, and a promise
securing tin; payment of the mother’s
pin-money, couched in these words:
[" The pocket-money for one year is be
sides tne toilet-money which j give thee
each year, and it i* thy right to exact
payment of thy toilet-money and thy
pocket-money, which are to bo placed
to my account, which Igive thee. Thy
eldest son, my eldest son, shall lie the
heir to all my property, present and
future. 1 will establish thee as wife.”
A Boml Account.
“ To sum it up, six long years of bed
ridden sickness and suffering, costing
S2OO per year, total, sl.2oo—all of
which was stopped by three bottles of
Hop Billers, taken by rny wife, who
has done her own housework for a year
since without the 10-s of a day, and I
want everybody to know it for their
benefit.” “John Weeks, Butler, N. Y."
Gold-mining is being practically de
veloped in Georgia. The state has
twenty-six active mines.
NO. W.
Humorous.
A St. I.must woman "lin'd without
medical assistance."
The young lovers in Onlifornin catch
their hisses with lassoes.
Uall Hamilton thinks it is a droadful
ondorsomonl of a man to marry him,
Brigham Young's widows havo
begun to remarry. and orange blos
soms aro soaroo.
Mon who travol harofootod mound a
new ly-earpeled hod-room, ofton find
themselves on tho wrong taok.
Wdim a prisoner has hoou sontouood
in Memphis lie rises and opens tiro on
tho oourt with two rovohors. That's
tho kind of a show lhe\ havo.
" I havo a great oar, a wonderful
oar," said a oonooitod musioan, in tho
I'ourso of oonvorsaliou. “So has a
jackass!" replied a bystander.
Tlio tosniHlrr iililsllxs nml Ihiil'lih mut
As In 1 (m-si's llirougli Hint I'm,
Hut hx mini In* sail. liffHimo his life
I" lull Ul MllHfl Hllll IVIIOM,
I'rofossor " Miss Q., tell me what is
that instrument o tiled hywhioh wo as
certain musical pitch Miss ty.,(hesi
tatingly)--" A pitch-fork." Audible
girling in tho ohlss. -Tiimrr'x h'ulb tie
jtorttr,
Hirls never marry a man who drinks.
It annoys him terribly to havo a female
smelling his breath every time ho enters
tho house. lUiff'uloll'jrjtrfM.
A boy w ith a patoh on his knee can't
he hired to go on an errand to tho next
house, hut ho will follow a hand wagon
all over town and never realize that he
isn t dressed in broadcloth.- f’/w jSri.
Hpeakci onni of the Arkansas l.ogisla
tnre, is quite deaf. Mrmphin AmUmcht.
Probably on aoeount of Ins ear being so
husky, (iropinV. lint it won't interfere
with Corn’s talk. Ihi ckrmm,k Hrpuhli
otm.
" Silling Hull is going to take the ad
vioo of his New York organ, the Sun,
amt is now making preparations to re
done the army to 10,000 men. He is
w tiling to ‘see' the Sun, and go 10AKK)
better." Aorris/oicii llrruM' '
Catching a California salmon in a
hLentnoky river does not entitle a man
to the rank of Colonel, whatever the
state papers may say. To he a real
colonel a man must llrst get himself on
the tlovernors stall'. Idtuimllr (VamVr
Jofirmil.
Clocks with a ponograph attachment
instead of striking the hour will call out
in the morning " Hallo" John, time to
gel tin ” or may politely invito “Dear
C. miles," or •* llenry'' logo homo when
10 o'clock n. in. arrives. Hon/ou Tout.
Young lady, very much shocked,
“Ob, ma, did you notiee that insulting
puppy that has just passed ns? I looked
at the wretch until bo got way out of
sight, and be bad the impudence to
stare at me. the horrid tiling, and just
as he turned the corner lie actually lift
ed his hat and bowed." Whitthull
Timm.
Non I lie 111 ii n iilio'h fiillnlilfri'S ii mil ul
A. limit lllllkli- I Ii n hllllllv Irtllll,
Ai loud Im ilulli Hwnir
wln n Im Jump* I'nmi ihf flittli.
Willi his " pmilillniiii*" i-uvuriMl with pul ii l
I’uck.
No one can fancy the feeling of the
newspaper man when he hears a de
linquent subscriber whom he has hnl
twenty-four hours before vainly im
plored lo “settle that little bill, 1, yell
out on Hominy. “ put me down for ♦Til)
for the good of the cause,” when they
aro “ raining the church debt.”—Hud
nun Hi nr chrunifli.
The following is published as received
by a pretty girl in Washington from the
son of a prominent statesman;
Ora Hoiihk, \pril hi, IH7H.
Dkak Miss: I want you to come
I around lo onr house if you can't get
anybody to come around lo your house
and feel eh you around to our home I
w ill go around to your house and fetch
you around to our bouse.
Respectfully, etc.
This recalls the “ composition” of a
young school girl thirty years ago up in
Connecticut: “ Had children are apt not
lo do what their mothers tell them to
do and apt not to do what their mothers
101 l them not to do but good children are
apt to do what their mothers lell them
lo do, and not to do what their mothers
tell them not to do.”
Praia Two Points of View.
Austin, Nv . IlfVflllo.
Mi. and Mrs. Kquibbles and the vis
itor were silting in tiie parlor, anil the
olive branch was sleeping sweetly in an
inner room, from wind, a door opened
into the parlor. “Yes, ma’am,” said
Kquibbles, “there is Homotning about
babies that appeals lo the liner feelings
lof our nature; an indefinable presence
which softens ns and mokes our hearts
! go out towards them; a subtle influence
which recalls -for God's sake, Maria, go
in there and strangle that brat, ordo
! something lo make it shut up, so that a
man can bear himself talk in his own
house.”
Tiik Buffalo faprrxH editorially ad
vises policy-holders in life insurance
companies to live asking as jmssiblo,
in order to pay premiums ami to die
feeling sanguine that the company will
heat the widow if it can.
Thb horse's in New York are having
the diphtheria.

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