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Tho Remomlm Harbor.
burdette. The wild, ungovernable pasalona bar l)er has for trimming your hair ! On the 4lh of December I wan in Boston, think ing about lecture I wan expected to deliver in the evening, and wan no bad ly scared that I couldn't remember the subject nor what it won about. 1 went into Tremontstreet “ Institute of Facial Manipulation and Tonsorial Decora tion,” and inquired for the Professor who occupied tho chair of Mediicval Shaving and Nineteenth Century Sham poo. One of tho junior members of the faculty, who was brushing an under graduate’s coat, pointed me to a chair, and I climbed in. When the perform ance wan about concluded, the barber said to me: Have your hair trimmed, sir ?” I believed not. “ Needs it very badly,” he said, ‘‘lookn very ragged.” 1 never argue with a barber. I said, “ All right, trim it a little, but don’t make it any nhorloi." Ho immediately trimmed all the curl out of it, and my hair naturally, yon know, ban a verv graceful curl to it. I never discovered thin myself until a few months ago, and then I wan very much surprised. 1 discovered it by looking at my lithograph. Well, anyhow lie trimmed it. On the bib of December I wan at Bath, Maine. Again I wan shaved, and again the barber implored me to let him trim my liair. When 1 answered him that it hail teen trimmed only two days be fore, he spitefully asked where it wan done. I told him, and ho gaxe expres sion to a hurst of sarcastic laughter. “ Well, well, well," he said at last, “so vou let them Mini your hair in Boston. Well, well. Now yon look like a man I who has been around the world enough to know better Ilian that." Then he all'eeted to examine a lock or two very particularly, and sighed heavily. " Dear, dear,” he said, " I don’t know, really, as I could do anything with that hair or not; it's too had.” Well, his manner frightened me, and I told him to go ahead and trim it, lint please not make it any shorter. “ No,” he said, “oh, no, it wasn't nee essary to cut it any shorter; it was real ly too short now; hut it did need trim ming." Ho lie “trimmed" it, and when I faced the Rockland audience that night I looked like a prize-lighter. In four days from that lime I was sil ting in the chair of a barber down in New York stale. He shaved me in guileful silence, and then thoughtfully mn his lingers over my lonely hair. " Trim this hair a little, sir V” he said, straightening it up about the edges. I meekly told linn I had it tiimmed twice during the preceding week, and I was afraid it was getting too short for winter wear. "Yes," he said, "lie didn’t know lint what it was pretty short, hut yon didn’t need to cut it any shorter to trim it. It was in i>. very had, ragged shape at the ends." 1 remained silent and obstinate, and he asked me where I had it trimmed last, I (old him, and he hurst into a shout of laughter that made the win dows rattle. “ What's the matter, Jim V" inquired an assistant partner down the room, holding his patient in the chair by the nose, Jim stilled his laughter and replied: “ This gentleman had his hair I rim med down in Maine." There was a general hurst of merri ment all over the simp, and the ap prentice laid down the brush lie was washing and eame ever to look at the Maine ent, that he might never forget it. I surrendered. “Trim it a little, then,” I groaned, "hut in the name of humanity, don’t cut it any shorter.” “ No” said the burlier," I won’t make it a hair's breadth shorter." When i left that shop, if it had not been for my ears, my hat would have (alien down clear en niv shoulders. When I reached the hotel, everybody started,and a couple ef them got up and read a handbill on the wall, descriptive of a convict who had recently escaped Irom H : ngHing, and looked from the hill to niysell very intently. Thai night several of the audience drew revolveis as I came nut on the platform. Then I went to Amsterdam, New York. The barber of that sleepy vil lage, who, in the interval of his other duties, acts as mayor oQ the town and edits the loeal paper, undertook to shave me with a piece of lioon iron he pulled out of his hoot-leg. When 1 resisted,iie went out into the kitchen, and came hack with a knileheu knife and a can opener, and oflered me my choice, 1 selected the can-opener, and he began the massacre, remarking, incidentally, that he used to keep a good sharp spoke shave for his particular customers, hut had lost it. Then he said my hair needed trimming very badly. I protest ed that it was impossible; it had been trimmed three times within ten days, and was as short now as a business man on the first day of January. “ Oh,” lie said, “it wasn't too short, and besides, there wasn't any style about it at all.” He could give it some shape, however, he said, without mak ing it any shorter. So I surrendered.aed told him lo shape it up. And if that fore-doomed, aband oned, Amsterdam son of an oakum picker didn't go out into the wood-shed and came hack with a rusty old horse rasp and begin to tile away what little hair I had left, He allowed a few shreds and patches to remain, however, clinging hero and there to my scalp in ghostly loneliness. 1 rather feared that my appearanae that evening would create a panic, but it did not. 1 ob served that the majority of the audi ence had their heads shaped up after the same manner, and were rather pleased with my conformity to the local custom and style. Well, 1 got along lo Oorry, I’a., and rushed in lor a shave, and got it in one lime and two motions, “ Hair trimmed sir?" said the harbor. 1 supposed he was speaking sarcasti cally, and so laughed, but very feebly, for I was getting to ho a little sensitive ou the subject of my hair, or rather my late hair. But he repeated his ques tion and said it needed trimming very badly. 1 told him that was what ailed it, it had been trim rat'd to death; why, I said my hair had been trimmed five times during the past thirteen days, and I was afraid k wouldn’t last much longer. “ Well," ho said. “ it was hardly the thing for a man of my impressive ap pearance, who would naturally attract attention tho moment ho entered a room, (I have lo stand on my tiptoes and hold on with both hands to look over the hack of a car-seat,) to go around with such a head of hair, when lie could straighten it out for me in a minute.” I told him to go ahead, and closed my eyes, and wondered what would come next. That fellow took a pair of dentist’s forceps and "pulled” every lock of hair 1 had left. “There,” he said, proudly, "now when your hair grows out it will grow out even.” 1 was a little dismayed at first, when I looked at my glittering poll, hut after all it was a relief to know that the end was reached, and nobody could torment me again lo have my hair trimmed for several weeks. But when J got shaved at Ashtabula, the barber insisted on puttying up the holes and giving niv head a coat of shellac. I yielded, and niv head looked like a varnished globe with the maps left off. Two days after I sat in a barber’s chair at Mansfield. 'l'li<s barber shaved me silently. Then he paused, with a bottle poised in his hand, and said: “Shampoo?" 1 answered him with a look. Then he oiled my hairless globe and bent over it a moment with a hair brush, Tnen he said: "On which side do yon part your hair?” • ♦> A One Kail Itiiilwiiv. Mr. N. F. Oilman, of Rochester, Minn., has invented anew style of rail way, a section of which is in operation at that place. The rail is a single j. shaped beam, H inches deep for freight, and Jfi inches deep for passenger lines, the design being to keep the lines for the two classes of trailic distinct and separate. The X shaped beam is sup ported by gas pipe legs spreading from the bottom of the beam, like those of a carpenter’s saw horse, and occurring once in every ten feet in the freight and once in twenty feet in the passenger lines, Tho feel of the gas pipe legs rest upon large llat stones hurled in the ground, and are fastened firmly to tho same by holts passing llirongh the cen ter of t lie stone. By means of this con struction the road is built cheaply and expeditiously, without wooden lies or earth embankments, amt the beam is fastened securely in its place. The weight of the ear is supported by trucks running on the bottom flanges of the beam. These trucks occur once in two feel of the length of tho ear, and are placed alternately on each side of the beam, the weh of the beam standing im between them. To keep the ear up right horizontal trucks running on both sides ol the beam and at each end of tin 1 ear are used. These horizontal trucks are eight in number, four at each end of the car, i mining opposite each other on each side of the heain and against its upper and lower edges. By means of this system of trucks it is ul leily impossible lor the ear lojunip the track or tip over, so long us the heain itself keeps upright, The advantages of this road are numerous and very great; hut the first and greatest of all is its economy, as the inventor estimates Ihiil three-fourths of tin* cost of con struction and nine-tenths of the run ning expenses will he saved by its means over the present road. The. roll ing slock will he much reduced in weight, the road will he rendered per fectly level and easy for travel, wVde the rate of speed attainable can only he estimated as yet. The inventor claims that (he continent should he crossed in twenty-four hours with his system in perfect working order. A 'utinmil Cur Huildi i. “Our Lumllonl." DHroM Fll'o I'll'HH. While il in to he supposed (lull a mini with a house In rent in anxious to se cure all tlie rent lu> can not, there art* Home ollsets whirh never leak out, and people Invvo coiiio In regard tho major ity of landlords in hhylocks. Mr. Hlank, of the northern part of 100 city had a house to rout. Timt in, after hr had laid out $ lUii in repairs ho railed it a hotiar, hut thr vary first woman who rauio for tho kry Innulrd il hark with tlm remark: “ I am not obliged to live in either a alahle or pig-pm.” The arrond woman started to look through (lie houar, hut she not no fur ther than the ha!l. She said site had never lived in a house with a hall less than seven feel wide, and she was not noinn to henin this late. The third cns tomer was a man, and he wanted two partitions knocked out and three doors to swinn the other way. The fourth was a hoy sent hy his mother to see if a certain hed*room carpet in the house they thru occupied would lit a certain hrd-room in this house. It wouldn't, and as the owner refused to sipiee/e the walls together the hoy broke oil'all further diplomatic relations. Thu next munirer was a woman whose son was about to he married, and as she was to live wit*.' the new family she wanted to he sure about the convenien ces of the house. Shedidn’t want much done to this house. All she wanted was the rent cut down one-half, the roof raised another story, the yard increased to a hundred feet front, and a few tri tles in lhi> way of hay windows, fresco ing, etc. 'The last call was yesterday. The owner went over in company with a young man who earns $7 per week, and is to he married soon. The house just suited him. He wouldn't have a single tiling changed, lie had been looking for just such a house for two years, and he wondered why all houses were not built just like it. When the owner mentioned rent in advance, the young man grew sad and replied: “Sir, if my word is not good enough for a month's rent, we must part fare well 1“ tiiiANmutv.iiTKR —“lint you will go to the funeral of your old friend, grand pa ?” Octogenarian—“o,l don't know. Hon't talk to me o' funerals. Much as ever 1 shall be able to gel to my own.” A STRANG.! STORY. The Narrow Escape From /ImiKinir of an Innocent Englishman. Hutton Advertiiicr. The cose of William Habron, who was imprisoned for two years uml a half, ami narrowly escaped hanging, as a punishment for the crime committed by Charles I’eace, illustrates some of the many queer features of English criminal law. Habron was convicted in 1870. on the flimsiest evidence, of the murder ol Policeman Cos k, at Whalley range, near Manchester. He was con demned to death, but the sentence was afterward commuted to life imprison ment. .lust before Peace* was executed he confessed that he was the murderer, and an inquiry set on foot immediately by Mr. Cross, the Home Secretary, left i ■> doubt that he had spoken truly. Habron was thereupon released. Yet, owing to the peculiarities' of English law, he is still nothing more than a par doned felon. There is no such thing in England as appeal in criminal cases, am! there is no court of review. When oil's; a man is brought in guilty, he is guilty forever, and there is no way of reversing the sentence. Accordingly, it is only because the Home Secretary was convinced that Habron had been wrong ed by the jury in the trial in 1870 that he is now a free man. This is not all. The story of the manner of his release is somewhat astounding. On the day after toe notice was received from the Horne Office that Habron was pardon ed, be was permitted to rise! as usual, and to begin the day as if lie were again to work in the quarry connected with the Portland Prison. He was then tak en to the weighing room and weighed, his clothes were changed, and he was taken to the railway station. All lids time he had no hint that he was to be set free. On the railway train lie was handcuffed. He was taken to Millbank Prison, and while there narrowly escap ed being set to work picking oakum, along with some other prisoncs, but the warder came into the room in time to prevent that mistake from being car ried out. It was then that he was told that he was no longer “C 1547,” but Wil liam Habrou once more. It is the test imony of all who have seen the young man since his release that he is a quiet, well-mannered person, thoroughly worthy of the sympathy the wrong he has suffered has given him. Me laments most of all his lost time, saying that ethers have been able in the time to learn trades by which they can support themselves, while he has learned noth ing. It is understood that the govern ment intends to make him a handsome present, and to do all that is possible to make amends for the injustice done him. Home reparation is certainly due him, lin'd it is to be hoped that his better fortune now will not do him any further injury, as prosperity after a long season of adversity sometimes does. Tin* Fashions. Nr Vui k Tritium), II INNIOTH. lii dress great changes urn taking place; touching bonnets, their variety is inliinte, mill their name legion, A score or two of years have passed away since the straw tunnel in which ladies faces once resided was iihaiidoned for the little cotta.re ornce. Now the coal scuttles, the large gypsy, the wide brims of our great grandmothers, return in a revival of Leghorn, yellow Tuscan, and a variety of pretty open-worked straws. The latest openings shows a niedly of dilferent shanes belonging to and i tie rent epochs and dilferent nations; not only are French and English streets repre sented, but Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and even African. There exists a cer tain fascination in the large distingue Leghorn bonnet, with its limiting pale ivory-tinted ostrich plumes, cream colored facings of shirred satin, broad satin bias strings edged with delicate cream-colored Hreton lace, and the same sod lint observed in some looped satin bows mingled with lace. All ecru tints and shaders of cream, ivory, blnlf, and cowslip-) ellow are very fashionable. The wide brims, something it the scoop shape, are all faced for the early days of spring with satin, velvet, or shirred India muslin, which is as deli cate as lace or tarletun. The satin fac ings are of all cream shades, faint tints of yellow, tea-rose, aad straw-color, and of dark velvet, n(lording a charming contrast to the outer adornings. Dark garnet, gendarme, dark bottle-green, Sevres-blue, and black are greatly used. In place of feathers, (lowers are placed in heavy masses outside of the bonnets in half wreaths of very large roses without foliage. Some of the new chip bonnets are simply trimmed with a half handkerchief of satin, either white or striped, called a Fanchon, and are laid over the crown, the edges trimmed with Hreton lace. Fern chip bonnets show a combination of garnet satin and cream-color, and are lined with India muslin drawn in finest shirrs; the strings are doubled muslin, edged with plaited Hreton lace. The new rosean, or reed green, the color of first grayish green grasses and water reeds of spring, has a charming etlecl in a wreath of loilage made to pass around the crown of a bonnet, with satin ribon of the same delicate tint passing down at the sides, serving for strings. A tiyjisv shape is made of Ltg horn. to be worn very much over the face, in the coquettish manner brought about by the brim being held down to the sides of the head by strings, causing the hat to flare in the front and behind. This is trimmed with a cream-colored ostrich tin, and a large cluster of damask roses ami half-blown buds; the s'rings are double-faced satin,garnet and straw colored, which arc tied in a bow at the back. The wide brims are bent by the milliners to accord w ith the (ace of the wearer. Black bonnets lose none of their old .popnlaiitv, and are trimmed with a ■ great deal of black Hreton lace jet orna i ments, ietted-fealers, and when colors are liked upon the black lace bonnets, I tea-rose is added, sometimes g imet, em broideries of old gold silk, or lace and while. Hlaek chip bonnets are more distingue w hen trimmed altogether with black satin for the lining, black feather lips, and an addition of the gold em broidered lace. Straw beads, and galloon.’and cay tin sel galloon are among the new orna ments. lihine pebbles scintillate like diamonds mounted as spray. Large clewed rings hold the Alsatian and Lor raine bows in place, and there are glit tering Rhine pebbles set in silver an chors, dragons, tridents, beetles, darts, horseshoes, crescents, crowns, and tur tles. Flowers are used in enormous quantities. Roses are very large, and set in rows without foliage, next to a row of chrysanthemums, which forsake their natural colors, and bloom in cop per tints, sapphire blue, palest green, and olive. The bright scarlet of pop pies gleam over large clusters of cream colored mignonette, and pansies assume all colors but their own. Delicate crape leaves are formed into garlands of gray green and garnet; (lowers of whatever nature are greatly used by way of con trast in wreaths for the crowns and half wreaths for the forehead. New Mexico’s Carbonates—Full I’urtleu. lars of flu* Recent Find in the South Denver Tribune, Mb. The Tribune of Wednesday morning contained a special dispatch from .Santa Ee, giving a necessarily brief account of the finding of silver ores in the shape of carbonates of lead. Correspondents a Santa Fe supplement the telegraphic ac count with fuller details. According to these letters (for there are several) no doubt seems to exist that the mineral is carbonate, indeed, they have ajmine called the Carbonate. The silver-bearing district is about ten miles from north to south, and six miles from east to west, and is near Pino’s ranch, on the middle road, southwester ly from Santa Fe twenty miles, and about the same distance from liernalillo. A small stream, the Rio Cerrillo, flows through the district. The topogiaphy of the district is a number of hills or mounds, more or less connected, rising out of the plain or mesa. Mineral has been known to exist in the Corrillos fur years past, there being mines of numerous shafts and tunnels used by the Spanish over a century ago. Some of these shafts are nearly 200 feet deep, wlh levels MOO or -100 feet in length, and in them are (he decayed poles with notched surface which served as ladders in that primitive age, and by which Indian slaves descended into the mines and bore hack with them the mineral, packed on their hacks. Great quantities of old slag survive the min eral furnaces, which in that early nay yielded, by a crude process, asullieiency of mineral to justify an enormous outlay, as is attested by the extent of the mines which abound in that vicinity. The difficulty recently has been in the refractory character of the rock. With the new developments and experience at Loadville in the treat ment of carbonates, it is possible, may he found the solution of Corrillos' mines. One of the hills has been well nigh leveled with tlie plain, in what seems manifestly a search for torquois or precious metals, and a shaft 150 feet deep has been known to exist in these hills since a time to which the memory of man runneth not, and to which the innumerable and vague local traditions of the existence of precious metals, in some degree, doubtless have refer ence. During the last few years a number of parties have been perfecting titles to mineral lands at this camp with a view to their desirability as soon as the rail roads should advance to within avail able nearness to it. A few weeks since Mr. Frank Demmiek, an old prospector favorably known to manv of the Trib une's readers, made a visit to the Cer rillos and began a careful but quiet ex amination of their resources. His fre quent trips to Santa Fe and numerous assays of ore which lie was continually making excited curiosity, which early 5 developed interest, and at this time a mining excitement promising a furore is fermenting. General Atkinson, In dian agent Thomas, and a number of ladies left in a four-horae ambulance at 7 o’clock on the morning of the till for the new camp to inspect its richness. They were shortly followed by a four mule out tit loaded with prospectors, among whom were Colonel McClure, Mr. Charles Thayer, anil Deputy Sur veyors McUrown and Taylor. Other teams are starling this noon with min ing implepents to commence develop ment immediately. Santa Fc is, indeed, oil agog over the new developments. Every buggy and carreta and every gothic Rozinanto has been pressed into service during the past few days, and the district was visit ed by hundreds from Santa Fe alone. Responsible and steady-going men of Santa Fo evince confidence, and even Professor Slrieby, an expert in mineral ogy is improving tiio spring vacation of Santa Fe academy to examine into the merits of the Cerillos district. Surface assays run from five to sixty ounces in silver. At a depth of five feel the Car bonate mine assayed a fraction over ninety ounces, and at seven foot it ran as high as 120 ounces. These assays are of average ore taken from fissure veins, A select assay runs as high as M 75 ounces. A thorough test will very soon be made bv shipments of several tons of lock todilferenl reduction works in the states, when something quite re liable will be known. Messrs. Andrews .k Wheeloek have Inula small establish ment near by for some years. The celebrated lurquois mine is in the same district. The camp is in the im mediate vicinity of inexlensive iron de posits, and has a climate that will favor out-door labor the year round. A Frozen Storm. ABhUml vOn*. ) Tidings. One morning recently, upon looking toward the mountains south of town, we were somewhat surprised to see the pine trees ail bending in one direction, as though bowed by a terrific wind-storm, while the morning was clear and calm not a breath of air in motion. I'pon closer inspection the phenomenon was easily accounted for. During the night before a heavy wind storm had sweet over (he mountains, accompanied by rain and snow, and the steady force of I the wind hold the branches of the trees 'in the bending, crouching position, while the snow weighed them down, j and the rain freezing upon them as it i fell fastened them in that stiaue with I unyielding bonds of ice: and so they | remained until oid Sol mercifully set them free. The Cruel Khedive. Hartford Pot. The accounts of the distress now ex isting in the valley of the Nile reminds the writer of a scene he witnessed in the winter of 1800. Starting from Cairo for a trip up the Nile, we stopped the first night opposite the ruins of ancient Memphis, to which we walked in the moonlight. We were surprised at see ing on the plain a mile or two south of us a large gathering of people bearing lights. Upon going to the spot, we found more,than a thousand men, wo men and children engaged in throwing up an embankment for a railroad the Khedive was building from Cairo to Thebes by forced labor. No machinery or tools whatever were used except baskets. These the poor wretches were filling with their hands, placing them up on their heads, and slowly and wearily, except when accelerated by the voice or lash of the overseer, dragging them selves up the embankment and dump ing them at the end. '• his embank ment, I judged, was about twelve or fif teen feet higher than the plain, and per haps forty feet wide. The baskets of the men would contain about three pecks of the light, dry, alluvial earth; tiiose of the women about a half bushel, and the children perhaps a peck. This was all forced labor—no pay whatever. The Khedive would send a steamer up the river to a village, and call for from fifty to 200 people of all ages and sexes to go, without pay, and work on this raiiroad for one month, at the end of which time lie would send them, or what was left of them, hack The bodies of those who died from exhaus tion helped to swell the embankment. No time for settlement. What their hours of labor were i could not find out, but I saw them at work at 10 p. m. I saw villages up the river partly de populated because of a late visit of these steamers, and one entirely aban doned and partly in ruins, having been fired into, so was said by our dragoman, because the “Sheik” could not or would not furnish the n quired quota. It was the intention to grade the entire road of several hundred miles in this way. Whether it lias been accomplished i am not aware. Our party chartered a government steamer for the trip. At the coal stations the officers impressed the first natives they could catch, and compelled them to coal our steamer in the same manner the railroad was be ing graded, in baskets carried on the head. Jdo not wonder that with this system of unpaid labor in full force with all the palaces in the Khedive, with his great desire for improvements, and his large and disastrous attempts at cotton growing and sugar-making, there should finally lie distress in the valley of the Nile. Assorted Jokes. The Chinese bill—sl per dozen. A dissipated man is dizzy-pated. Htisiness troubles, especially the lazy. The sea-sick man finds it hard to hold bis own. The original stump-pullers-The news boy and the dentist. An imposing ceremony—Tito mar riage of a bigamist. “ Fiat Lux” commanded Edison, but Lux somewhat against him. The season is now at band when the call for oysters will cease to be a furor. Can a man who lightly divines 'he location of a rich mineral lode be prop erly styled one of the miner piotits? In Hie spring a poor man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of greens.— Steubenville. Herald. The tramp isn’t rich, but he can af ford to spend bis summer in the coun try. — Philaddphin ('hn.nich-Htraid. When any of your relatives rap at your door and you don’t want to set' them, you must call out, “Walk, kin!” An Ohio cow lust week broken man’s neck by a kick. A mule that witnessed the casualty went behind a barn and wept. No, reader, no. No one has yet inti mated that the African Zulus are burnt cork Fenians. — Philadelphia Chronicle- H, mid. “It’s only a spring opening, ma,” ex plained that awful boy, as he exhibited his torn trouser after a leap over the picket fence. Waiter to a member of the Illinois legislature: “Will you have some des sert?” Member to waiter: “No, thank you; I’ll take a piece of pie.” The Texas legislature has enacted that all trains shall come to a halt be fore crossing the state line. Many peo ple come to a halter after crossing it. The youth who leaves off his overcoat to enjoy a balmy spring is helping to pay oil the mortgage of bis doctor's house. —Ni w York KxprtM. A man never feels as though he is falling down a hatchway until, while walking with all bis might, one of the heels llies otf his shoes. — Meriden Re corder. Professor (looking at bis watch)—“As we have a few minutes, 1 should like to have any one ask questions, if so dis posed.” Student—“ What time is it, please?” A genuine Irish bull -Sir Hoyle lloclte said: “Single misfortunes never come alone, and the greatest of all possible misfortune is generally followed by a greater.” The lower animals have caught the infection, and cats in various portions of the city arc organizing caterwauling matches for the spring saasou. —New York < "onmeicial Advertiser, In street-car. Lady in shabby dress to animated tailor's model standing in | front of her: “Will you please ring the bell sii?” “I’awdon, madam, I’m not the eonductaw—ah,” “indeed? What are you?" He gives it up.— Puck. Curious, but we never saw this notice I in any of our country exchanges: “Ow | ing to press of poetry, a large number ; of advertisements are unavoidably : crowded out. but will positively appear I m our next.” — Puck. A man went into a clothing store the | other day, and, after picking out some ' very tine cloth, said; “ 1 want to make ' my father a present of an overcoat. [Just measure it for me. Of course it j will be too big for him, but it’s pretty good wearing cloth, and. as the old man’s in had health, I’ll have to wear it sooner or later anyway. Just make it a little broad across the shoulders. Smart Sophomore—“ What fruit would you most resemble when riding on a jackass?’’ Innocent-looking Fresh man—“ Give it up.” S. S.—“ A beauti ful pear.” I. L. F.—“ All right; come outside and I’ll try it."— Harvard Advo cate. Self-possessed tramp; “Will any gentleman—” Brown (to intending almsgiver': “Don’t you give him any thing—he’s been here before to-dav.” S.-F. 1. (loftily): “Will you have the kindness not to meddle with my busi ness affairs?” — Fuck. Many persons have complained with in the bust few days of a peculiarly sad and unhappy sort of feeling in the region of the diaphragm. This item explains it: Florida has sent its first watermelon northward. New Voik Commercial Advertiser. Tno superintendent addressed the Sunday school on obedience to tiie moral law, and urged the keeping and not breaking of the commandments, and to fasten the impression, asked: “Is anything better for being broken?” “ Yes,” said a little boy, “ a nag.” The address preceded no "further. “A soft answer,” etc. —Eemale epi cure: “Oh, mister, I’m sure that was a had one!” Oyster salesman (indignant ly): “What d’ yer mean? Then you shouldn’t a’ swallered it, mum! I’ve been in this trade a matter o’ ten years, and never ” Lady; “Well it cer tainly left a nasty taste" ” Salesman (mollified): “Well, there’s no denyin’ that some on ’em is ’igher in flavor than others!” — Punch. A young lady was sitting with a gal lant captain in a charmingly decorated recess. On her knee was a diminutive niece, placed there for less convenience. In the adjoining room, with the door open, were the rest of the company. Says the little niece, in a jealous and very audible voice: “Auntie, kiss me too.” Any one can imagine what had just happened. “You should say twice, Ethel dear; two is not grammar,” was the immediate rejoinder. Clever girl, that! —London World, W r e never weary of reading a good epitaph, one which indicates the work of a lite time in a few short, crisp words. Here is one, for instance, which needs uo explanation. It was inscribed on the tomb of a cannibal: “He loved his fellow men.” And here is a double obituary, which shows that the state of matrimony is sometimes a happy one: lam anxiously expecting you. A. I). 1827. Here I am. A. D. 18(57. —Christian ai Work. Mr. Stewart’s Hotly. Since it was announced upon the authority of Mrs. Stewart’s statements to her friends that the body of the late A. T. Stewart had been recovered by Judge Hilton, the Stewart Memorial Cathedral at Carden City, L 1., where in the body will finally lie interred, has been overrun by visitors. Some of these come from a distance, and their patronage has swelled to a not incon siderable extent the income of the Car den City hotel. Impelled by morbid curiosity these visitors ‘nave searched every nook and corner of the graceful pile whose inte rior is yet incomplete. They seem to be impressed with the idea that the body is concealed about the premises. Not content with annoying the work men engaged in erecting the mortuary chapel in the crypt under the chancel, they have broken and carried away portions of the delicate stone tracery that had cost so much labor and money. To prevent this, an order was given some weeks since that no one should be allowed to enter the building without giving a password or countersign that bad been agreed upon. “Indeed,” said a entieman who is in a to speak authoritatively, “ibis rule has been observed so strictly that Judge Hilton himself would find it difficult to gain admittance without giving the word.” The promulgation of this order, when it became known to the surrounding villagers, created a marked sensation. Although before this they bad smiled at tue firmly expressed belief of the stran gers that the body was in the cathedral, they soon caught the infection them selves. They swarmed about the place, peered curiously through the great peaked windows, which could be at tained only by standing upon each other’s shoulders, and stared in blank amazement at the grotesque faces of the gargoyles that capped the window arches above them. It has been defi nitely learned that the body of Mr. Stewart is not in the cathedral, and will not be taken there until the two sarco phagi are placed in position upon the marble flooring of the mortuary chapel. —New York Sun. Taking Drinks in Virginia. The Virginia senate has concurred in the house amendments to the senate bill amending the Moffett register law. The bill ieduces the tax on alcoholic drinks from two and one-half to one and one-half cents, and toe tax on re tail liquor-dealers in proportion. The tax on malt drinks is retained at a half cent. The law is further amended so as to more fully enforce the general ob servance of its provisions. It is made mandatory on the courts to revoke the license of any dealer if upon the month ly returns it appears the law lias been evaded. vViien Achille Muiat was in Flori da, with a true Frenchman’s instinct for new and rare foods, he cooked and ate from nearly the entire fauna of the slate. He used to cook alligator steak in a way so delicious that no alligator in all Florida would recognize it as a morsel of one of his brothers. He worked long and faithfully to make the turkey buzzard palatable by good cook ing, but at last gave it up m despair. When asked how be liked it he said. “Oh! I can eat any kind bird—l am not atfrato to eat anyzing; I have no preju dice, but ze buzzard is not goode. ‘ Is the vast population of 400,000.000 1 Chinese there is scarcely one who can ’ not read and write.