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The twice=a=week herald. (Amarillo, Tex.) 1887-1906, March 31, 1905, Image 2

Image and text provided by University of North Texas; Denton, TX

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86088114/1905-03-31/ed-1/seq-2/

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rnery Opeiniiini
Thursday, Friday and Saturday, April 6, 7 and 8
We will demonstrate to the fashionable women of Amarillo that our Styles are Correct and Newest, our Selection the Largest,
our Trimmings the Daintiest and OUR PRICE THE LOWEST MRS. COLLIER
Everything in season, served by expert cater
ers. Fish, Oysters and Cold Storage Beef.
East Of P. 0.
BROS, Prop.
Being Black-anJ-White Sketches of Real Human Interest.
t U8' or we ar9 mere'y Parts ne '0n2 process-
ik 1 Ion of fools who haye choused around since
time began, Adam began the foolishness when
he got lonesome in the garden of Eden, and so
inspired the idea of woman; since which time
there has never been another Eden. To be sure
an ma; 13 worm living tor 13 centered around a
descendant of that same woman, but speaking
from a 6einsn standpoint, Adam cut a tat pig in
the neck when he began to look at the moon and
wonder where his affinity was. That the more
mmeaMatfl descendants of this original fool should have grown more or
dinary than dirt was a matter of course; the wonderful part could only
have been noticed if they had done anything elu, and It served them
right when the high waters came and all but Noah were wiped out.
Noah in his turn proceeded to show his weakness; instead of keep
ing the boys on the old home farm, he let them scatter, and as a result
we now have a multitude of races instead of the first breed; of course
if we all belonged to the same family the newspapers would be short
some fine headlines, and there would be no Irish.
Abraham wasfjt fool as well as an ass when he turned Hagar out,
not having even the decency of the present Mormons, but if he hadn't
done it, we would never have heard the thunders of Sinai, there would
have been no clothing dealers and no one for Russia to persecute at
dull times. It wa3 a good job for Hagar when she hit the grit, but it
bokJd bii for thi old nun, and doss yet, considerably over a week
since itis all said to have happened.
Solomon was a fool, the fact that he had more than one wife de
monstrating the fact without any argument, though some few claimed
that it showed his marvelous governing ability to keep them all in a good
humor at the same time. We can forgive Sol for his lack of 6ense on
this score, however, for it was in the building of his court house that
the first trades union was formed, and which has since developed into
an institution as broad as the world and which has been an unspeakable
blessing to humanity.
Pontius Pilate was a fool of the first water, blinder than onev of
the numerous bats that undoubtedly dwelt in his garret. If he had
had the sense that he was born with he would have waited until he
could have 6een the truth of the claims of the Messiah and reported it
as a work of the ruling party; then he would have been promoted and
sent to the legislature or the like of that.
Mark Ant ny was a fool and a big one. A soldier tried by time, it
was in his hinds to give to Rome the valley of the Nile and its wonder
ful richne.cs and win immortal fame; instead of that he went off after a
saddle colcrtd lady with a cast in one eye. No one blames Mark for
being fond of the ladies, every man that is worth a cuss has the same
distingjishing peculiarity, but when he let Cleopatra tie a knot in his
shirt tail as he did. he fell from a mighty high pedestal into the dust.
, Since these old roosters passed to the sweet subsequently, all the
rest of humanity has taken its turn at being fools. No man ever born
has failed to achieve the title at some time in his life, and generally it
is more cften than seldom. Absolutely no person has an armor proof
against h mself, and soon or later he takes himself in.
The wrong fellow is always marrying the wrong girl and vice versa,
gccd dtmccrats are trying to be good republicans and the reverse, men
are trying to preach the gospel who haven't even the virtue of charity,
and to edit a newspaper who fail to grasp the vein of humaness that
The oldest hide house in the south west. We
recognize no competition. You will make money
if you permit us to handle your hicks.
Just had to arrive several cars of
Grain, Hay and Feed-stuffs
Another Car Selected Texas Red Rust Proof . . . SEED 0,US
Two Cars Choice . . . . . ALFALfA HAY
Three Cars Amber, Orange and Red Top . CANE SLED
Two Cars Feeders' . . . . COTTON SFtD
Two Cars Prime . . . . COTTON SEED MEAL
Three Cars Prime Cracked ' . . COTTON SEED CAKE
The above added to our already large and thoroughly as
sorted stock of grain and feed stuff of every kind enable us
to take care of your wants fully and promptly. We solicit
your inquiries and patronage.
makes the whole world kin. Men come to the professions with polished
educations, and all of the gifts of training and culture, but the divine
spark is not there and in trying to follow something for which they are
not fitted they steadily make fools of themselves.
There are many others. The man with a $60 income who lives at
a $70 rate, the boy who is ashamed to work hard with his hands and
imagines that he can get through by working other people, the fellow
who expects to make anything at gambling except a hard name, the
unfortunate who believes there is such a thing as good whiskey, the
partisan who gets excited over politics even to the point of alienation
with his best friends, the married man who strays off into other pas
tures, the party who is never satisfied with his surroundings, the doc
tor who abuses a competitor of a different school, the woman who
pinches her gizzard out with corsets, the girl who thinks it beneath her
to know the art of housework, the boy who calls his father "the ol man',
the elector who StavS awav from thfi prima Hoc anH -nnwantina r,
j ' ------ - r itv wtiu uvuivtuiiiwi'9 auu
then kicks about the grade of men named for office, the man who does
not like the community and yet stays in it, the merchant who does not
advertise and wonders why trade is dull, the genius who- tells every
hody else how to conduct their business, and so on to the end of th
We are all fools. Some of us have it worse than others and it
takes a mighty wise mighty wise man to tell which is which. Many a
good brother will swell up like a poisoned pup if you hint that he is a
natural born fool, and yet at the same time, in his own heart, the les
son that he is one at least in spots is forced home every day. And it is
good for civilization that it is so, for it is only by ths "making of mis
takes and the acting of fools that we advance. - We see others, and
while it does not prevent us takingourtimeatthecapandbells.it
teaches that us it is the wav of humanity and delivers us from many
evils tha$ w would otherwise Tall into as easily as a colored person
yieldi to th? seductive symmetry of a fat pullet.
AMARILLO TliE QUEEN. Like the flowers of spring. Ama
rillo seems the more a queen from year to year. It has more chance to
be beautiful and ain't than any other town on the line of the Santa Fe.
That is a royal trait, if there is any such thing. Some of us, who are
l 'mil Muy First TIIK IIKRALI) will make you an exceedingly low rate cm
lending Magazines and Newspapers. Those mentioned in this list rank highest in
their class, or are the representative paper of their town. These rates are in effect
only until May ist, 1905:
Twice-a- eek Herald one year J0.75
Kansas City Star one year 0.2s
Total fl.no
T.wice-a-Week Herald one year 0.75
Home and Farm
one year 0.50
"75 )
Twiee-aWeek Herald one year 0.75 ")
Fort Worth Weekly Telegram one year... 0.50 '.
Total I.25 )
Twice-a-Week Herald one year 0.75 "
Toui .Watson's Magn.ine one year 1.00 C
.- Total 1.75 )
Twice-a-Wcck Herald one year 0.75 "
Farm and Ranch one year i.oo (.
Total 1.75.1
Twice-a-Week Herald one year
Ilryan's Commoner one year
Twice-a-Week Herald one year
breeder's Ca.ctte one year
Twice-a-Week Herald one year
The I'loviliid.'i llostieriaii one veur 1 .00
To'al 1.75)
Twice-a-Week Herald one year 0.75
The Harden Magazine one year i.oo '-
Total I.75 )
Twice-a-Week Herald one year
Under Other Flags (Itryau's new hook
"75 )
I .on
"75 )
"75 )
1.25 '
Both one year
Both one year
Both one year.
Both one year.
Both one year .
Both one year.
Both one year .
Both one year
Both one year.
Twicc-a-Week Herald one year 0.75
The Delineator one year i.oo '.
Total 1.75)
Twice-a-Week Herald one year 0.75 "
FV erylHxly's Magn.ine one year 1 .00 t
Total 1.75)
Twice-n-Week Herald one year 0.75 "
Daily Kansas City Star one year 5.20 t
Total , 5 95 J
We have Club Rates with nil leading Magazines and Periodicals, a few of which
we will mention herein from time to time. If you should wish for any publication
we have not mentioned, on request will advise you our lowest club rate. Will be
pleased to have a sample copy of nny paper sent you. Magazines will not furnish
tree samples.
Both one year.
Both one year.
Both one year.
T0S.1 CO.
501 Crant-St. f RANK DeWITT. Manager. Phone 101
How 'About It
Easter will soon be here and yqu will need a
New Spring Suit. We can make it for you and
guarantee fit and workmanship. Order before
the Easter rush. Send us your suits to be
Cleaned. Pressed and Repaired.
In the Rear of the Imperial Barbershop.
George Stapleton
Amarillo Transfer Company
Phone 128
Carriages and Baggage Wagons
At any Time
Day and Night
Phone 128
here to Stav and Dav tha freiffht. forcer, ahmit it hut it ic a fart all tha
same, the same as the fact that we will soon have Amarillo creamery
Amarillo. the Queen!
She sits on a beautiful mesa, a diadem upon a brow of unspeakable
beauty and from her throne of grace sends greeting to an enlightened
world and parts of New Mexico.
We are the people.
The President don't see it, but ws are.
Lo. the poor son-burned son of the tackless waste, once had a
great deal of fun chasing buffaloes and stabbing pioneers in this neck of
the woods, but his occupation is gone and his moccasins, properly dis
infected, are used for bric-a brae in the parlors of our best families.
Plenty of white Indians left.
Where the. scared antelope once bounded with amazing agility, our
temple of justice, the goal of hungry statesmen, will soon rear its a
majestic dome,- and the star-eyed goddess will sit enthroned to swat it
to any fellow, rash enough to steal calves.
Proud are we of this flyess town.
The sun, with kingly grace, flings royal robes upon the budding
green as he goes flitting o'er the plains to kiss the skies that from us
fade to darkness and to night. Balmy is his touch, his breath like
zephyrs lurking in the air, exhaling sweet berfume that tells us spring
is near.
This is Amarillo.
The pioneer and the heavy snows are gone but their memory
clings, no matter how shattered the good old theme.
Woe has vamosed; grief has chased herself.
The blizzard may toss his raging mane above his shaggy head and
bellow like Cleveland in the Pecos Valley, but he does no harm to this
section of the west, We bear a charmed life and it will be a cold day
"The "Outdoor"""
Ten Strike, 80169 trlke Eight, 156849
Armour Dale, 156,843
when we get Talmadged. It takes a man with a very long bean pole
and a dark lantern to knock our persimmons. We are generally right
there on the trail camping ourselves.
Amarillo, the Queen.
Our pioneers paid a string of beads to the Indians for this beauti
ful site and afterward won the beads back playing seven-up. It shows
that our pioneers came not here for their health. They knew their
business. They were sturdy Christian gentlemen, even willing to get
the worst of it not.
The Aborigine was their oyster.
Our settlers were sterling men, born of that pluck, genius, endur
ance and faith that can be resisted neither by kings nor cabinets.
They were the people, as we are the stuff.
Joyously they went afield to gather the remunerative buffalo hide,
and brand a few mavericks on the side, often returning in impious haste,
with their skins perforated by rustlers. No'w we do the rustling our
celves and there are no such unmannerly occasions.
The years have given us wisdom.
In the early days we lived off the buffaloes and the emigrants;
now we live off the railroads and each other. Soma day we will till the
soil as it should be, and then much richness shall be ours. '
Just at present that is where we are short.
But when the whirligig of time-shall bring us Judgment day, with
all its joys enhanced, we will pause between Paradise and here, the
semblance is so great, or ought to be.
Night's velvety curtain like a winding 6heet, will woo us out to
dream-land, which is so near the now and the then that the splendid
days of our time shall melt the golden ages through.
It won't even be held against us that we failed to plant trees when
we should, and to build sidewalks until we became the laughing stock
of the southwest.
Amarillo, the Queen.
Lake View Herd
Of Red Polls
During the Cuttlemen's Convention at Ainnrillo, Texas, April 10 ami
20, we will offer at auction fifteen nice young Red Polled Hulls, bred and
raised on the Mains. All acclimated. These bulls are from the lest
herds in the United States and are in perfect eoHdition,
D. G. Pence & Son
Hay, Salt and Field Seeds. Wholesale Hour
I I Phone V05 40 ia Polk St
60fiPolk Street
Amarillo. Texas
Phone JJ
3sa r ..,- i 'i 1 1
, L Il........l.,.,.... r"1..,,,,,,, 1 . , 1 .

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