The Bryan eagle. [volume], March 02, 1911, Image 7

About The Bryan eagle. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1880-1913

Image provided by: University of North Texas; Denton, TX

                
Top Precious.
"Makers to bin majesty" end '1m
ported" nro 'Vrds that carry much
weight to man winds. ' It is strange
what a glory a foreign label can cast
upon a commonplace article. The fact
of u commodity liutlns crossed the wa
ter, however. In not taken quite bo se
riously toduy as it wus bodio fifty or
sixty rears ago. 51. C. V. hiisDee
gives, an instance In bor "A Half Cen
tury lu Salem."
Miss Ann M. Rust was one or tbe
twtx milliners. , She had a lnrgo collec
tion of finery, shelves full of handsome
ribbons and gins showcases of rich
embroideries, besides the Inevitable
bonnets. Onco sho imported a quan
tity of exquisite French caps. The
strings were somewhat crushed in the
transit across the ocean. The caps
were quickly disposed of. An aunt
bought one, uud Miss Rust innocently
observed thnt a "warm Iron would
make the creases all right."
"What!" Indignantly exelnlmed the
aunt. "Smooth a crease made in Paris?
No. Indeed; never!"
A Famous English Clock.
Wells cathedral contains one of tho
most Interesting clocks in tho whole
world. It was constructed by Peter
Llghtfoot, a monk, in 13-0 and em
braces many devices which testify to
the ancient horologlst's Ingenuity.
Several celestial and terrestrial lxdies
are Incorporated in tho interesting
movement nnd relationship. They in
dlcnte the hours of the day, the ago
of the moon and the position of the
planets nnd the tides. When the clod;
strikes the hour two companies of
horsemen fully armed dash out of
gateways in opposite directions nnd
charge vigorously. They strike with
their lances as they pass as many
times as correspond with the uumber
of the hour. A little distance away,
seated on a high perch. U a quaint
Ogure, which kicks the quarters on
two bells placed beneath his feet and
strikes the hours on n bell. The dial
of the dock is divided Into twentv
four hours and shows tin? pha-.es of
the moon and n map of the universe.
Harper's.
, He Mdo Them Listen.
"X" Belriler. the old Vigilante lender
of Montana, was elected sheriff ef
Lewis nnd Clark county, in which Hel
ena is situated. iMirlng Bcldler's
Incumbency the Jail was rcbrilt . i lid
one of the new fashioned steel earn"
for the prisoners, Installed. I'ddlir
Invited all the notables down to see
tho cage when it was completed. The
governor and tho state and city otfi
clals and many prominent citizens ac
cepted the Invitation. "X" took then
into a cage and excused himself for a
mluute. II' went ut and locked the,
door. Then he took a chair and sat
down outside.
"Now, dem .-," ho n!d to the Im
prisoned notables, "ye've bin ertgin'
off lately when I was lollin' my stories
of the old days an' not llstenin' to 'cm.
Now I reckon ye'll listen."
" lie kept them there three hours
until he had told his whole budget of
tales. Philadelphia Saturday Evening
Post.
Max O'Rell'o Reply.
Max O'RclI at a dinner In Montreal
at which were present English. Scotch,
Irish and French was asked to give
his opinion of the different rues.
Here Is the answer he gave on the in
0,., ,
"The Scotchman." be said, and he
clinched his right hand tightly nnd
pretended to try to force it open with
his left. "The Englishman" And he
went through the same performance,
opening tho hand nt the end after an
apparent struggle. "The Irishman"
And he lurid out Iris bard wide open,
with the palm upward. "The French
man" Ami be made a motion with
lsth hands as if he were emptying
them on the table.
There was not n word of explana
tion, but nil understood thoroughly nnd
had a lanrty laugh.
A Good Shot.
A sjiortsinan of great imaginative
gifts nml fond of telling hi s exploits
related that nt one shot bo had
brought down two partridges and a
bare. UN explanation was tle't. al
though he bad only hit one partridge,
the bird In falling bad clirc'.eri t
another partridge and brought that to
earth entangled lu Its daws.
"But how nbout the bare?" he wa
asked.
"Oh," was tho calm reply, "my gun
kicked nnd knocked me backward,
and I fell on the hare as It ran past!"
An Old Christmas Law.
The general court of Massachusetts
, Bay Colony, following the example of
tho English parliament. In ltiolt enact
ed a law that "anybody who Is found
observing, by abstinence from labor,
feasting or any other way, any such
day as Christmas day shall pay for ev
ery such offense 5 shillings.". This law
was repealed lu nisi.
It Got Warmer.
' Little Willie Say, pa. doesn't it get
colder when tho thermometer falls?
Pa Yes, my son. Little Willie-Well,
ours has fallen. Ta How far? Little
Willie About five feet, nnd when it
struck tho hall floor It broke."
On the Trail.
"I'm gunning for railroads," an
nounced the trust buster.
"Then come with me," whispered the
hear humorist. "I can show you some
of tho tracks." Brooklyn Life.
Ha Was Immune.
nowell Her laugh Is contagious
Fowell WelJ, I was In no danger of
catching it. She was laughing nt me.
New York rress.
To know 'the worst is one way
whereby to better It. Alfred Austin.
Tho Change That Was Wrought
The little man was explaining to his
audience the benefits of physical cul
ture. "Three years ego," be said, "I
was a miserable wreck. Now, what do
you suppose brought about this great
change In ine?" "What change?" said
a voice from tho audience. There wan
a succession of loud smiles, and some
pel-sons thought to see him collapse,
lint the little man was not to be put
out. "Will the gentleman who asked
What change?' kindly step up here?"
fee asked suavely. "I shall then be
better Able to explain. . "That's right!"
Then, grabbing the witty gentleman
ly the nock: "When I first took up
physical culture I could not even lift a
iittie man. Now (suiting action to
word) I can throw one about like a
bundle of rags." And Dually he thing
the Interrupter half a dozen yards
along the Boor. "I trust, gentlemen,
that you will see tho force of my argu
ment and that I have not hurt thl
gentleman's feelings by my explica
tion." There were no more Interruptions.
Two Collars on a Dog.
Having bought a dog that ho ndtnlr
ed, a man undertook to buy a dog col
lar. Tho dog had n neck nearly as big
as his head, and the dealer advised the
man to buy two collars.
"What for?" said the man. "He's
only got one neck, so I guess ho can
get along with only one collar, can't
he?"
"Maybe so," said the r.:an, so the
man went away lending the dog by his
new collar nnd chain. In less than a
week be brought the dog back.
"I'm afraid I can't keep him," he
said. "He Is too obstreperous. I can't
keep, him tied up. His nec k Is tho big
gest part of htm, nnd he Is us strong
as an ox, therefore it Is a 'cinch for
him to slip his collar off."
"That was why I wanted you to take
two' collars." said the dealer. "Pr !
both on and fasten the chain to the
back collar, and he can tug away nli
night without getting loose. Ho may
commit suicide, but ho won't get
loose" New York Sun.
Disappointed In Her.
"And so your father refuses to con
sent to our union."
"He doe; Rodolpbus."
The sad youth swallowed a sob.
"Is there nothing left for us. then,
but an elopement?" said he.
"Nothing."
The girl was fond, but firm.
"Do you think. Clementine, that yon
could abandon this luxurious home,
forget all the enjoyments of great
wealth, banish yourself forever from
your devoted parents' hearts and go
west wit li n poor young man to enter
a home of lifelong poverty and self
denial ?'
"I could, Rodolpbus."
The sad youth rose wearily and
reached for his bat.
"Then," said he. "you are far from
Is'lng the practical girl I have nil
along taken you to be."
And' with one last look around on
the Kiimptuousness that some day h"
bad hoped to share he sohlted and said
farewell. Browning's Magazine.
Had to Take Hit Own Medicine. -
George Barr McCutcheon was wall
ing for a train In Chicago, and us he
passed through the station he saw one
of his latest best sellers displayed on
the newsstand counter, lie picked i:
up, wrote Ms name on the fly leaf
and handed It to the boy islrind th"
counter. He was moving away when
the boy called excitedly:
"Hey, mister, come back here. You've
got to buy this book 'cause yu'i.
spoiled it by writing your name In it "
"Yes. but did you sec; the name?" the
author asked.
"That don't make no difference," the
lari Insisted; "noboriy'll want to leij
It now."
And. hearing Iris train called, M;
McCutcheon was forced to pay real
money for cue of his own books. Suc
cess Magazine.
Outdone.
Teacher Now, boys, I want to see if
any of you can make a complete sen
tome out of two words, both having
the same sound to the ear.
First Boy I can, Miss Smith.
Teacher Very well. Hubert. Let us
hear your sentence.
First Boy-Write right.
Teacher Very good.
Second Boy-Say, Miss Smith. I can
beat that. I can make three words of
it wrlght. write right.
Third Boy (excitedly) Gee! Hear
this wrlght. write rite right.
Teacher ft brown off her guard)
Whew! Topeka Journal.
Wanted It to Show.
A rich old farmer once had his por
trait painted. When the portrait was
finished the old farmer looked at it.
shook Iris bead nnd said to the artist:
"Very good. Very good. Indeed. But
there Is one fault that you must rem
edy. Please make the right side of
the chest bulge out. That s where I
carry my wallet."
The Sad Part.
"Doesn't it make yon sad," exclaimed
the member of the Audulwm society,
"to see women wearing on their hats
the feathers of the poor little birds?"
"It isn't the feathers that make me
ad," replied the practical married
man. "It's their bIl!s."-Philndelphln
Record.
Collected Some Alimony Also.
She This is Maud's third husband,
and they all bore the name of William,
ne You don't say so! Why. the wo
man is a regular Bill collector. New
York Times.
It is a great evil as well as a mis
forrane to be unable to utter a prompt
and decided no. Simmons.
Sohoolboy Blunder,
The University Correspondent Tir
cently offered a prize for schoolboy
mistakes. Here are a few examples:
"Mute, Inglorious Milton" these epi
taphs are used by a writer who wan
cuvious of Milton's being poet orient
He finds "sermons lu stones" express
es tho same idea as Wordsworth'
"the restless stone chat all day long Is
heard." Calvlu was a noted scientist
and lKjer, who died lately. Naples Is
an Independent state in the north of
India. Shakespeare made a mistake
lu mentioning Galen, who did not live
intil a hundred years after his time.
The feminine of fox is foxhen. John
Burns was the name of one of the
claimants to tho throno of Scotland lu
tho reign of Edward 1. The pyianiLN
are a range of mountains between
France und Spain. The three highest
mountains In Scotland nro lien Nevis,
Ben Lomond and Ron Jonson. Wqlsey
saved his life by dying on the way
from York to London. When the Eng
lish first landed in Australia the only
four footed animal in tho country was
a rnt. Monsoons are fertile gorges be
tween tho Himalayas.
When Bjornton Died.
Bjornson's son. In describing the last
hours of his father, writes: "Now and
then the bright flame of his humor
flickered up. The doctor felt bis pulse
and said it was good. With his face
beaming with humor he turned toward
us and said. T am the first man to die
with a good pulse.' He said one even
ing und it seemed as if an old wlso
man was speaking with tho weight of
experience, 'Now I could write yes,
now I could write, for I have been in
tho realms if death und have felt the
palu that nttends death.' And when
all of ua thought that the Indifference
of death was upon him my mother,
who always gave hliu bis food, which
he would receive only from her stood
at the bedside with a brooch on her
breast which she had worn at her con
firmation then bo opened bis eyes and
looked at her. Ho smiled, lifted iris
hand and touched tho brooch. This
was the last sign to the outer world he
was able to give;"
A Cold Ride.
Ail through bis life Senator Dolllver
of Iowa had a horror of fast train
and possible railroad wrecks. Once he
was on a train with Vice President
Fairbanks.
Dolllver awoke in tbe middle of the
night, and it seemed to him thnt the
train was going at terrific speed. He
J climbed out of bis berth and, arrayed
only lu his pajamas, started down tne
length of the train to find the con
ductor and ask him to order the train
run at less speed. It was a cold night,
but the senator did not mind that until
the door of bis car snnpiwd shut and
locked behind him nnd be found that
the door of the next coach was also
locked. He rode sixty-five miles U ked
out in the cold of the vestibule before
be could wake up anybody to let him
In. Mr. Fairbanks finally heard bis
cries for help arid rescued him. New
York Tribune.
Necks and Legs of Animals.
With few exceptions there is a mark
ed equality between the length of the
necks and of the legs of both birds nnd
quadrupeds, nnd whether they be long
or short is determined chlelly by the
place where the animal must go for
its food. This Is especially noticeable
In beasts that feed constantly upor
grass. In which case the neck has Just
a slight advantage in thnt it cannot
hang perpendicularly down. Croco
diles, lizards and lish have practically
no necks. Fowls that feed In the
water also offer an example of this
correspondence letwoen the members,
with the exception of swans and gees
and some Indian birds, which gather
their food from the bottom f pods
nnd must have long necks for that pur
pose, while the short legs make it
more convenient for them to swim.
Dietetic and Hygienic Gazette.
A Story Pepys Tells.
Fcpys tells lu bis diary that iu tbe
reign of King Charles II. a customer
bargaining with a London mer-liant
for claret hired n confederate to "thun
der (which he bad the art if doing
upon a deal board) and to rain and
hail that is. make the noise of - so as
to give them n pretense of undervalu
ing their merchant's wines, by saying
this thunder would spoil and turn
them, which was so reasonable to the
merchant that he did abate two pis
tolls js?r tun for the wine lu belief of
thnt."
A Mighty Difference.
Brougham used to tell nn anecdote
about the flight from Wnterloo. Na
poleon was greatly depressed. His old
riding beside him thought he might be
sorrowing over the loss of so many old
comrades at arms and tried to comfort
him by saying that Wellington also
must have lost many friends. "He has
not lost tbe battle," was the reply.
Utterly Useless.
Ta. what Is a futile remark?"
"The one a man makes for the pur
pose of changing the subject when his
wife complains because he bus for
gotten their wedding anniversary."
Chicago Record-Herald.
Sho Was Wise.
"I asked Miss Jimps to sing some
thing, and she refused point blank. Is
she grouchy?"
"No. She's trying to make a hit
with you. Cheer up." Toledo Blade.
A Sound Reason.
Mistress Didn't you hear me calling,
Jane? Jane Yes'm, but you told me
the other day never to answer you
back. Throne and Country.
' Whatever enlarges hope will exalt
courage. Johnson.
The Goose Tower.
In the early years of the fourteenth
century the "free cities" Hamburg,
Lubeck and BremefcVeent a delegation
of seventy-seven members to King
Valdemar to demand increased rights
and privileges in their trade with Den
mark. The delegates were not very
respectful in their language and de
meanor, and the king, who was at
Vordlngborg. told them they acted like
a drove of geese and clapped them
into prison In the tower, telilng them
they would stay there until they learn
ed better manners. Over tbe heavy
tower door tbe king put up a atone
with the inscription;
Sieben und slebenteg Hauae:
Eleben und lebenteK Qanse;
Ware ntcht o vlela Ilause
Hat Ich auch nlcht so vlele Ganse.
Translated this reads: "Seventy
seven houses and seventy-seven geese.
If there were not so many bouses I
Would not have so many geese."
On top of the tower, which still
stands solid and strong, was placed a
big gilt goose, with neck outstretched
as if it were hissing..
Tho Jerboa and the Melons.
An odd fact relative to a little Afrt
can melon is thus related by an olh
clut of Khartum:
The Jerboa or kangaroo rat is found
In considerable numbers hi places miles
and miles away from any water or
even (lew. and I was at a loss to un
derstand bow these little animals could
exist through the ten months of
drouabt It anpenrs. however, that
after the scanty rains, a small wild
i melon of bitter taste, but full of Juice.
flourishes In the desert The jerooa.
as soon as the melon Is ripe, bites off
the stein and proceeds to dig away
tbe sand under the melon, so that it
gradually sinks below the level of the
ground. The constnnt wind soon cov
ers it with six to eight inches of saud.
which protects It from the scorching
sun and from drying up.- When all
other moisture has evaporated the Jer
boa goes to bis larder and drinks the
Juice of the melon till the rains come
on again. One Jerboa will bury as
many as forty of these little melons
to last him through the dry season.
Tho Automobile.
In some respects the automobile Is
tbe most marvelous machine the world
has yet seen. It can go anywhere at
any time, floundering through two feet
of snow, ford any stream that isn't
deep enough to drown out the mag
neto, triumph over mud axle deep.
Jump fences and cavort over plowed
ground at fifteen miles an hour. It
has been used with brilliant success In
various kinds of bunting. Including
coyote coursing on the prairies of Col
orado, where It can run all around the
broncho, formerly In favor, since it nev
er runs any risk of breaking a leg in
a prairie dog bole. Educated automo
biles have been trained to shell corn,
saw wood, pump water, churn, plow,
and. In short do anything required of
them, except figure out where the con
sumer gets off under tbe tariff law.
Outing.
The Word "Gaiters."
Episcopal gaiters cannot date from a
very remote antiquity. The very word
"gaiters" is almost a newcomer to the
language. Johnson's Dictionary does
not recognize its existence. It does not
occur before 1700. nnd even In 1S02 a
military dictionary had to define It as
"a 6ort of spatterdashes." "Guetre."
however, the French original, goes
back nt least to the fifteenth century,
and the origin of thnt is lost though
etymologists compare all sorts of
words in all sorts of languages, includ
ing nn old German word for a baby's
christening cloth. The one certainty is
thnt gaiters has nothing to do with
gait iu spite of the punning line in the
"Rejected Addresses" "Lni in their
palters, laxer in their gait" London
Standard.
The Self Sacrifico of Fadzeau.
A fine historical dog story Is recalled
by Mr. Edwin Noble in "The Pog Lov
er's Book." The Incident Is connected
with the flight of William Wallace to
the mountains after Eruesido, acconi
panled by only sixteen followers,
among whom was one uamed Fad
zeau. When the baying of the blood
bounds was heard announcing the
coming of the English Fadzeau refused
to go any farther, affecting weariness,
and Wallace, suspecting him of traitor
ous intentions, killed him When th
English came up the bounds stayed
upon the dead body and refused to fol
low beyond the stains of blood.
He Beat Her.
A woman said to the railway sta
tion ticket agent angrily:
"Look here. sir. I've been standing
before this window twenty-five min
utes!" The agent a gray, withered little
man. answered gently:
-Ah, madam, I've been standing be
hind it twenty-five years."
Evolution.
Brown Do you believe In the theory
of evolution? Black Sure thing. For
six years a young fellow named Jones
has been calling on my daughter, and
today she became Mrs. Jones. Judge.
Well Off.
Fred I proposed to Miss Dlngley
last night. Joe Don't believe I know
her. Is she wcH off? Fred Yes. I
guess so. She refused me. Stray
Stories.
Similar Tastes.
Bacon nave you and your wife sim
ilar tastes? Egbert I think 60. I
don't believe she likes her cooking
either. Yonkers Statesman.
Moderation Is the silken string run
ning through the rearl chain of all vir
tue. Nelson.
A Problem That Stumped Rousseau.
A carious little book la an old, old
treatise on aeronautics by Jean
Jacques Roseau, called "Le Nouveu
Dcdale." Like Leonardo da Vinci and
Cyrano de Bergerac, Rousseeu was
haunted by the dream of aerial navi
gation. We read: "Men walk ou tbe
earth, they sail on the water and swlu
In It Is not the air an element like
the others? What business have tbe
birds to shut us out of their premises
While we are made welcome in tbosa
of the fishes?" Rousseau took no stock
in any theories propounded by the
Darius Greens of bis day. He sifted
tbe matter for himself and thought it
Involved two problems. First to find
a body lighter than ah, so that it
would rise. He Imagined that sooner
or later snch a body might present
Itself. There was no telling. But
what stumped him was bis second
problem how to make that obliging
body' stop rising and how in creation
to make It come down. This was too
tough for Jean Jacques, and he wound
up his book by admitting It For a
long time "Le Nouveau Dedale" re
mained unpublished, appearing only in
180L
When a Ship Turns Turtle.
To "turn turtle" means, in nautical
language, that a ship rolls too heavily,
falls to recover herself and after a
brief period on her beam ends turns
topsy turvy, so that her keel points
skyward. Then, of course, she sinks.
Frequently the compressed air impris
oned in her hnll blows her bottom out
as she goes down, or if she Is a steam
er her boilers burst, with like results.
As a rule, ships turn turtle because
they are burdened with too much "top
hamper" or from lack of sufficient bal
last, or both causes combined. Rarely
does it happen that there are any sur
vivors, but there is one notable excep
tion In the case of the battleship Cap
tain, which was lost after this fashion
in the bay of Biscay. In her case ex
actly three minutes elapsed from the
time she first turned turtle until she
finally sank, and forty of her crew of
COO men clambered up her side as she
rolled over 'and on to her keel. Of
these eighteen men were eventually
rescued nnd were able to describe later
on precisely what occurred. Pearson's.
Mining For Coffin Planks.
One of the most curious industries In
the world is the business of mining for
coffin plauks. which is carried on in
upper Tonkin, a portion of the French
possessions in southeastern Asia. In
a certain district in this province there
exists a great underground deposit of
logs, which were probably the trunks
of trees engulfed by an earthquake or
iomo other convulsions of nature at a
comparatively recent period. The trees
are a species of pine known to the
natives und also to some extent to Eu
ropean commerce ns "nam-hou." The
wood Is almost imperishable and has
the quality, either through its nature
or ns the result of its sojourn under
ground, of resisting decay from damp.
This quality makes It particularly val
uable for the manufacture of coffins,
and for this puriose it is largely ex
ported to Europe. The trees are often
a yard In diameter. They are buried
in sandy earth at a depth of from two
to eight yards nnd nre dug in by na
tive lalior ns demand is made for them.
Harper's Weekly.
How to Cool Things.
A newlywed named Jones was talk
ing to his friend Casey the other day
about the heat In his flat and was ask
ing the other for a little advice.
"Do j-ou know my dining room Is
the hottest place In the world?" began
tho newlywed. "Do you know of any
way I might cool It off?"
"From experience I should say that
a very good way to bring about a
change in atmospheric conditions," re
marked the older married man. "and
one that 5s sure to bring results one
way or the other, is to take a friend
home to dinner when your wife isn't
expecting company." Philadelphia
Times.
His Line.
A charming young member of a wo
man's literary club, who adds the dis
tinction of being n bride to successful
authorship, recently met a gushing
stranger at a club reception.
"Oh, Mrs. Blank, I am so glad to
meet you. I enjoy your stories so
much, and your husband's too." Then
adding ns an afterthought, "ne Is lit
erary, too, Isn't he?"
"Thank heaven, no!" replied the
bride, "ne's In the coal business."
New York Tress.
Progressing.
"I think Arthur would have proposed
to me last night if you hadn't come in
the room Just when you did."
"What reason have you for believing
that?"
"He had just taken both of my
hands in his. He had never held more
than one of them nt a time before."
Wide Hats In 1798.
An artist has advertised that he
makes up wornout umbrellas Into
fashionable gypsy bonnets. The tran
sition is so easy that he Is scarce to
be praised for the Invention. London
Times, July 7, 179S.
Solid Goods.
"What became of that cake I baked
lor you?" demanded the fiancee.
"I sent It downtown to have my
monogram engraved on it" replied tue
fiance. Kansas City Journal.
Tho Worst to Come.
"Do you think we have heard the
worst of the discords in our party?"
"Not yet." replied the musical man.
"Just wait till our glee club gets in
practicing." Exchange.
Art is long, life short. Judgment ("lr
cult, opportunity transient. Goeth?.
Pushing and PuSHr
It baa been wisely obserreJI C J
most operations can be mora oSdenry
performed by drawing them alonj
through their proper course than by at
tempting to push and Jam them
through. Just as it is much easier to
pull a rope than it is to push it There
are probably not many persons who
have tried to push a rope, but tery
many have attempted things almost as
perverse. In many manufacturing es
tablishments, for example, there may
be seen numerous examples of men
wasting a large part of their energy
endeavoring to move heavy pieces of
work upon small trucks, pushing and
laboring In the exerton of effort, a
small fraction of whifn goes to cause
the actual progression. Even when
such an effective aid to transport as an
Industrial railway is installed it is of
ten used at less than its -proper elil
ciency because there is too much push
ing and not enough pulllng-Cassier's
Magazine.
Bags That Last
"The young chap whose morals I
tremble for Just now la my nephew."
the city salesman remarked. "He has
a position as errand boy in a banking
house. lie Is a bright lad and as
steady as they make 'em, but since be
got that job in the bank his women
relations are urging him Into crime.
They do not advise him to pick his
employers pockets or run away with
the day's deposits, but the principle in
volved Is Just as reprehensible. They
ask him to abstract a few bags that
the silver money Is carried In. The
women want those bags for sofa pil
low covers. They are made of mate
rial that will never wear out and
feathers and down simply cannot sift
through. By boldly asking for what
be wanted the boy has secured enough
bags to Incase his mother's sofa pil
lows, but if he supplies the rest of the
family I see nothing ahead of him but
a career of crime." New York Sun.
Do You Want to Get Slender?
A food specialist said of dieting:
"The simplest easiest and most effica
cious diet to bring down the weight is
the one dish diet At no meal that is.
should more than one dish be eaten.
The dish may be what you will Irish
stew, macaroni and cheese, roast beef,
vegetable soup, bacon and eggs but
no courses are to precede or follow It
You may eat as much as you choose
of the dish, and yet, for all that, you
will lose weight steadily. It's the va
riety of dishes the oysters, soup, fish,
turkey, mince pie. Ice cream It's the
variety of dishes, creating an arti
ficial appetite when the body has real
ly had all it requires, that causes cor
pulence. If we confine ourselves to one
dish we know when we've had enough
we don't know otherwise and the
result is that we soon drop down to
the slimness natural to children, ani
mals and temperate and healthy men
and women." Kansas City Star.
A Miracle Under Orders.
In "The Glory of the Shla World."
tianslated from a Terslan manuscript,
is a story that will Interest Christian
Scientists:
"Nadir, builder of the 'golden porch
of Nadir,' in the sacred city of Mesh
ed, was a world conqueror and a lord
of perception, albeit cruel. Of his
power of perception they relate that
one day when he entered the sacred
shrine he saw a blind man invoking
the aid of the Imam, and upon inquiry
he learned that he had been there for
several months. The great monarch
asked him why his faith was so wai
thnt his sight had not been restored
and swore that if on his return hp
found him still blind he would cut ol
his head. The wretched man prayed
so fervently and fixed his mind so In
tently on the imam that within a few
minutes his sight was restored."
Might Be In a Nice Fix.
Two men of Milwaukee were dis
cussing the case of a person of their
acquaintance whose obituary, it ai
pears, had been printed by mistake in
one of that city's newspapers. '
"Oh, ho!" exclaimed one of the Ger
mans. "So dey hnf brlnted der funeral
notice of a man who is not dead al
ready! Veil, now, he'd be in a nice
fix if he vas one of dose beeble vot
believes everything dey sees in der
bapers." narper's Magazine.
Sorry He Asked.
"Have you any special terms for nu
tomobilists?" asked the man in bear
skin and goggles.
"Waal, yes," responded the old toll
gate keeper, whoso gate had been bro
ken down by speeding machines.
"Sometimes I call them dead!eats, an
sometimes I call them blamed rascals.
Anything else you want to know, mis
ter?" Chicago News.
Parsimony and Economy.
'Tapa." said a child, "what la tbe
difference between parsimony nnd
economy?"
"I will explain the difference fcy an
example," the father replied. "If I
cut down my own expenses that is
economy, but if I cut down your moth
er's then it is parsimony."
His Suggestion.
The great road builder had his mind
on his work that morning, as the fol
lowing dialogue between him and his
wife will show:
"now do I look, dear?"
"Fairly well, but I should say that
your face, needed resurfacing." New
York Press.
The Only Kind.
Ella Did you get a plain view of
Miss Luglie? Emma Certainly. That
was the only kind I could get. Ex
rhange. When life ceases to be a promise It
loes not cease to be a task. Amlal.