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THE KNIGHT OF THE GOLDEN HAIR.
The sun rolled up from an east of red, He vanquiahed many a wily foe, . _ The world waa freah and fair, And hacked him limb from limb— When summoned loud from hia truckle-bed Ah, tiger and lion he laid full low The Knight of the Golden Hair. In the deptha of the woodahed grim. They garbed him atout in hia doublet worn, In all the waate of the yard waa naught They laced hia scarlet shoon, He did not bravely dare; And forth he strode in the dimpling morn. Dragons and gianta and trolls he »ought, And called for hia trusty spoon. This Knight of the Golden Hair. Hi* trencher he scraped in minutes ten (Tws* a bowl of mush, I wis, But fsith and foraooth, the be«t of men Have flourished on fare like this). Then sway, away, for he could not stay; Good-by to the brcakfaat-bonrd i A thousand ventures, abroad by day, Were waiting his knightly sword. At last, when the west with pink was soft, And the *un rode high no more. He motive foil to a spell he oft Haa battled in vain before. Assailed by a boat of drowsy charms He yielded to magio deep, And locked secure in his mother's arma Was seized by the wizard Sleep! —Edwin L. Sabin, in Woman's Home Companion. BOB PEEPLES* WHISTLING CAT. Dy ALFRED J. WATERHOUSE. OB PEEBLEH, n long, lank Westerner, was sitting In his Dakota home watching a eat that was struggling back to (murcIous life, PfHibies having chloroformed her to gain a private end that he had In view. As the ent finally opened her eyes she looked at Bob inquiringly, as If she would ask: "What is tin* matter with me? I feel queer, looktnl Inquiringly at tbe brute, as If he Would say: »"Well, have you uny re marks to make? I am listeuing." The oat was not feeling well. She still was dizzy from the effects of the drug, her head ached, and there was n peculiar feeling of fuln«*ss In her throat So she looked at Bob Peebles nnd gave vent to ber emotion iu a vocal uoise. The animal was somewhat disap pointed nnd more surprised at the re sult of her effort She had Intended to express her feelings In a long-drawn meow which would tend both to main tain her established reputation as a songster and to unsettle and agonize the people of the neighborhood. In stead, the sound she made was a pro tracted aud peculiar whistle. Her feel ings were hurt, nnd she sat up to think about the matter. Ilad the execrable man dt*prlved her of her gifts ns a vo calist? She looked at Peebles reproach fully nnd beseechingly, nnd then tried her voice again. Despair seized her; a whistle was the only result. But If tbe cat was made unhappy by this surplsing exercise of her vocal or gans, Bob Peebles was not. As he lis tened to tho shrill warble he seemed fairly abandoned to bliss. He laughed, ho threw his nrms wildly in the air, he got up nnd walked the room, laughing all tho time. "All right!" he said, right! You may not be much of a songster, my beauty, but I guess you'll do. Hereafter you'll necessarily live on milk, but I'll live on the fat of the land, or I'm no prophet. The cat wildly clawed at her throat nnd whistled In response, nnd. In his happiness. Bob Peebles stooped and stroked her. It did not take long for the people of Flresteel to learn that Mr, Peebles had a whistling cat The quadruped her self served as nn advertising agent of the fact With her change of voice had come no corresponding change of her feline nature, nnd naturally she still felt an Inclination to Join In mid night concerts, and did so. Athirst she showed some disposition to fall off fences or housetops in her surprise nt the sound she omitted when she had Intended to make a remark In choicest cat language, but gradually she ap peared to come to the conclusion that it perhaps was a bad cold that ailed her, nnd she let It go at that. Still, It was noticeable that she yet clawed at her neck nt odd times In au unsatisfied and inquiring way. On the morning after the first feline concert in which Peebles' cat Joined, Tom Bowker met Bill Collins and said to him: Bay, did you hear that queer noise minglin' In tbe strains of the cat or chestra Inst night—sort of a cross be tween tbe croak of a frog and the squawk of a bluejay. "Yes. I hcerd It" Bill responded, "but it seemed to be more like a combination of the warble of a canary an' the dyln' gasp of a locomotive. This brief conversation gives a fair idea of tbe attitude of the populace to ward this nightly phenomenon, but as the people learned that Bob Peebles ac tually had a whistling cat surprise merged In quiet nnd persistent curiosity and n constant stream of sightseers haunted bis dwelling. But, although Mr. Peebles' whistling Cat was a recognized popular success be himself did not appear to be entire ly satisfied with her efforts. He sat in the sunshine by Ills house one day and (watched the cat ns she washed herself after the manner of her species. As be watched, he thought, nnd at last his thoughts Were expressed In a mono logue. m B •* The man, too. That's all »• •» «• t» You do well enough for nn ama teur," he said, addressing the cat, "but I don't believe you'd be worth a whoop ns a professional. Now, If you could .whistle some notes—not necessarily a tune, but enough notes to make a pleasin' variety. Bob Peebles stopped talking. After n moment of reflection be arose, went over to the cat, and. on his index finger, took some measurements of her throat. I b'lleve," he said, "that by using n longer tube I could get room for 'bout three or four notes." Then he took the cat npon his arm, nnd with a frown of reflection upon Ills brow went Into tho house. Three days later a wave of excite ment overran Flresteel nt a report lirought In by Bile Stewart. "A mob of cats," he said, "started up n concert outside of my window last night an' I was preparin' to applaud them with a stovehook when I noticed some peculiar sounds, an' there sto«Kl that cat of Bob Peebles', an', b'gosb, gents, you kin b'lieve nie er not the blame critter was whistlin' a tunc. Yes, ulr; 'twas short but 'twas a tone. I didn't exactly remember the name of the tune, but 'twas one all right Thereupon all Firc8t(*cJ adjourned to Bob Peebles' house to satisfy itself aud Was convinced. At this juncture of affairs Mr. Pce bUM became unwontedly energetic. Flrtt of all lie constructed a liouse-llko structure on his wagon. Then, turning urtlst, he painted on its sides in great, itragffUhg letters: ■ Î THE CELEBRATED CAT ; ! PHENOMENON. Î : IT ACTUALLY WHISTLES. ; 1 The Remarkable and Oiily t ; Feline That Does. 2 Admission, 25 Cents. ; ROBERT PEEBLES, Prop. ; i Theu Peebles wont on tho rood as a showmAD, the whistling cat being tbe show. The exhibition was a notable success. Money came fast to tho pro prietor, and It was a poor afternoon und evening when it did not take in $40 or $50. The doctors made some trouble for him iu the towns where he exhibited tbe cat by urging that be permit them to examine her vocal or gans, but he Insisted that they might dislocate Its whistling apparatus by their researches, aud so managed to hold them off. Thereupon tho doctors talked, and so some suspicion was cast on his show. However, the people still paid their money to see the cat, and so Bob was satisfied. He was in the very heydey of his prosperity when he returned to Fire steel, where the cat bad begun to whis tle. He boused tbe animal in hie little dwelling nnd then Rallied forth to meet the inhabitants in Ills new role of a conquering hero. He rather overdid the part, And this It was that led to his downfall, for, although his old neighbors did not object to his prosper ity, they did object to bis throwing It in their faces. One evening lie was sitting In Or mund's place of business, and, as usual, was talking about his remarka ble cat nnd Its still more remarkable owner. After a while Doc Lee, Tom Bowker and Bill Collins got up and went out, one at a time, but ns eight or ten of tbe boys were left he paid no attention to that aud Just kept on brag ging. It must have been nn hour or two before they returned and sat down, looking rather mysterious, but Bob did not mind them; be went right along with what be was saying: I tell you, gents, when that Yank ton audience of 3000 people camo to look nt the cat-" Oh, blame the cat!" Tom Bowker said that, and Bob looked at him reproachfully before he continued: As I was saying, when rudely Inter rupted, gents, the cat-" "I'm sick of your dratted cat. It doesn't amount to a whoop, anyway. The boys, except Doc Lee and Bill Collins, didn't know what Tom meant by these Interruptions, but they were middling sick of the cat themselves, and so they welcomed them, could see on their faces how they felt, and he recognizod that the time had come for him to defend his source of Income, so he said: 'That's the most remarkable cat-'' "It's nothin' of the kind." It's the only cat ever known that whistles instead of yowling; positively the only feline that warbles like a can ary an' chirps like a silver-throated nightln 'The deuce It Is! I've got a plain, or dinary yaller cat of no special peder grec, an' that never was advertised at all, that kin whistle all 'round your cat an' not half try." You—you—what's that you say?*' "I've got a cat that I've been tryin' to give away that kin whistle better than yours kin. Ho* much money you got that says till of Is ty out Hie ter a It - • • •• • • so Boh to of A a I I to n « • »» »» • • SO?" Well, I've got a hundred or two." I'll bet you a thousand that your cat can't whistle in the same day with mine. Bob didn't expect the proposition would be taken, but that amount Just sized up the pile that Tom had brought with him for the emergency, so he said "Done," nnd the money was put up. Peebles would have been very well satisfied to bave bad that end the mat ter, but It didn't, for Doc and Bill then offered to bet five hundred each, and he, hoping that he had a sure thing, and knowing that he must main tain the reputation of his cat anyway, took the bets. Some of the other boys, too, got an idea or so, and within ten minutes Bob had put up $2900, which pretty near the total of his avall was able capital. Then Tom went out and got his éat, which looked as If It had lost eight of Its nine lives and was considering the advisability of letting the other go. nnd the <rowd Immediately adjourned to Bob Peeble's house to decide the matter. Bob set bis cat In one corner, and Tom placed bis In another, and they drew cuts to see which should stir bis feline up first, that being the manner in which Bob had been accustomed to rnako bis pussy whistle. Well, Tom hud to take the first try, and when he punched bis cat it let out a whistle that would have stood for successful competition with a locomotive Bob's face showed that he was sur prised and middling anxious, but be put ou a bold front and gave bis cele brated cat a punch to remember. She let loose a genuine cat-yowl that was a success in its way, put nobody reuld have mistaken it for a whistle. The look on Bob's fare when his cat did that was something saddening to remember, and the nnimal herself looked both surprised and disappointed, for she had been accustomed to tbe adulation of the masses, and she real ized that her effort had not been crowned with success. She tried again, and it seemed almost as If she would shed tears when she heard the result. After the faithful creature's second attempt Bob Peebles acted as if be at of were almost dazed by grief. He looked at Tom Bowker's cat and then at his own; then he looked at the crowd in a dispirited way, gulped, and said: "Take the money, gents; it's yours. But after you've got it would—would you have any objections to my—to my looking in your cat's throat?*' "None at all," says Tom Bowker, reaching for th® money in the stake holder's hand, "but you'll have to allow that It's settled, and-" Just then something curious hap pened to Bowker's cat. It gulped, gasped, threw Itself on Its back, and clawed the air madly. At first the boys thought the creature was going Into a fit, but after a little it straight ened up and appeared to be all right They had to chloroform the animal to let Bob Peebles look Into Its throat but this was soon done, as he hap pened to have some of the drug on hand, and after be had taken a long look he sighed and said: "It's all right an' the game's on me, but I don't see yet how the blame crit ter did It." Outside of the house, later, Tom Bowker and Bill Collins held an ani muted conversation. I told you," said the latter, "that their throats ought to bo of the same size. »* Well, It's all right, ain't It?" tho for He didn't swallow it mer responded, till after he'd whistled the money Into our hands. He might, 1 * Collins replied, but he was feeling too jubilant to argue the case Just then, and so the matter was dropped. Bob Peebles never recovered his grip, nnd bis unique position In tbe world of business was permanently lost He still hangs about tbe old town, but be Is a broken and disappointed man. His cat died. The recovery of its voice gradually wore on his nerves, and it soon passed away, the victim of a pop ularity that waned.—New York Times. • • *» • • Bird Rung on the Wing. 'The songs of all birds gain In beau ty when they are uttered on tbo wing," says Henry Oldys in Llppincott's Mag azine. "They seem to be delivered with more abandon and greater volumo. Tlie water-thrush's first cousin, the oven bird, furnishes a striking example of this. His ordinary song consists of a repetition of the same note hammered out with a constant crescendo. Very effective it Is, too, as a part of the general music of the forest, though lacking Individual attractiveness on account of the monotony of Its reiter ation. But when the bird rises above Hie treetops nnd descends after the fashion of the Indigo bird to an accom paniment of scattered notes, he takes far higher rank ns a performer. Not always, however, does lie require the exhilaration nnd inspiration of an aerial toboggan to causo him to aban don his plain chant for a more florid ter perched on a grapevine not two I have heard him sing the lat Kong. feet above the ground. And. ns If to show that he did not reserve his supe rior powers for special occasions, he mingled it with his plain chant, some times beginning with the chant and ending with the song, and sometimes reversing this order. I love to see the oven-bird on tbe ground. There is such a ludicrous assumption of dignity on hi» part as be strides about the stage, for a moment forgetting himself far ns to hop. There is the same even, measured steadiness about his movements that there Is In his chant. It Is only when he launches himself Into the effervescing song that he for gets his staid demeanor. never so * » How Children Spend Their Money. IIow many parents do you think add word of advice on the spending of the money that they so freely give? Well, of these six hundred and thirty, two hundred and ninety testified that their parents did think it worth while to direct them. Oddly enough. It was the Germans, the Swedes, the Italians and the Spanish fathers nnd mothers that came out strong on the question of advice. The American parents wen* left behind, although seventy-four of them did trjr to help their children. But how did the children take the advice? A ten-year-old boy frankly said: "My father advises me to save It (ten cents a «lay), but I say wbat Is tbe use? I have all I need." "My mamma advises me to save, but my papa does not, so I spend It all on candy!" cheerfully admits a little girl, nnd It <loes not take much Insight to picture tbe kind, easy-going father whose lack of ad vice quite offsets the more methodical mother's care. "I generally get money when I ask for it which Is about every day or so. I spend it as I desire. I usually spend It for candy and other things which in a way are foolish. If I was to do as my parents advise me to do I would save my pennies," con fesses an eleven-year-old boy. "My parents advise me wbat to buy, except when I buy for them; then It is my secret, Bailey Orsbee, in Harper's Bazar. n wrote one little glrL-Agnes Not a Good Looker. From the mountains of Camden, Me., story of a Philadelphia mer comes a chant who has a summer cottage In that village, and who wished to ex change a lively horse which he owned with a French-Canadlan who had a gentle animal, which women and children could drive. The Frenchman willing to trade, but for some insisted upon repeating to the more was reason visitor that the local horse did not "look" as well as the one belonging to tbe Philadelphia man. An exchange satisfactory to both parties was eventually made, and the first time tbe visitor's wife took the horse out for a drive she discov new ered that the beast was as blind as a A few days later, when the tbe Frenchman, he mole, rusticator met said: "See here, you rascal! that horse yon swapped with me for mine was stone blind. Why didn't you tell me of it at the time? "Ah'm bln try tell you all Ah'm bln I Ah'm bln say horse was no look lak you horse— Ah'm no bin *» know how fer to tell. my say so srex, nine tarns, blam' eef you no hear me."—Pbiladel phia Ledger. Value of Stork» to Egypt. Were it not for the multitude of storkf that throng to Egypt every winter there would be no living in some part» of the country, for, after every inunda tlon, frogs appear la devastating swarms. Alfalfa as Iiougb Feed, Alfalfa Is much better as a rougb feed for horses than timothy, They can be maintained on It alone, with no bad results. Twenty pounds of al falfa bay a day Is sufficient to maintain at rest a horse weighing 1400 pounds. Causes Trouble With Wheat. One difficulty with wheat is the lia bility of being thrown out by frost In the spring, but when such Is the case the cause may bo due to lack of proper dralnago. When a field bas been prop erty tilled there will be but little lia bility of wheat being injured by alter nate freezing aud thawing. Don't Keep Cream Too Long. Where a family has but one cow the butter is frequently bad, no matter bow carefully the churning may have been done. This Is due to keeping tbe cream too loug before churning. Tho now cream is mixed with the old, aud tho butter is not good. This can be avoided by churning more frequently. Cream should bo churned as soon as it reaches the proper stage of ripe ness, and where there is a mixture of tho cream of different ages it is Im possible to have the butter of the best quality, *" Soapsuds a Germicide. Soapsuds will destroy plant lice If used around trees and vines, especial ly the aphides that work on the roots. Tbo suds may be sprayed on tho loaves as well as thrown on tho ground. Whale oil soapsuds are used to destroy scale, and If a little crude carbolic acid is added to the suds It will be all tbo better. For asparagus and celery soapsuds are excellent, and when thrown on tbe manure heap they as sist In preventing loss of ammonia, [f soapsuds are to be thrown away it will bo an advantage" to throw them where they will prove beneficial. A Clean Fertilizer. 'An excellent and clean fertilizer for house plants is to get a pound each of nitrate of soda, superphosphate of lime aud sulphate of potash. Do not mix them, but use them as desired. A teaspoonful of each in half a gallon of water will partially serve to protect against Insects and provide plant food when used around the roots of plants. If the leaves of the plants are very green reduce tho nitrate of soda one half. If the stems and shoots are slow In growth slightly Increase \be potash. When speds and flowers arc forming the proportion of superphosphate may bo increased. Valuable as a Fertilizer. All farmers know that wood ashes are valuable as fertilizer. But this value, ns many know, Is «lue very much to the material from which the ashes come. Thus ashes made from hard wood are more valuable than ashes made from soft wood. In fact, some ashes from soft wood have not enough yalue to make it work while to bother with them. It has also been found that the value is largely governed by the part of the tree from which the ashes ftre made. It is declared by chemists that the ash of young twigs Is of more value than the ash of the trunk of the tree, while the ash of the leaves Is atlll more valuable. 'Selecting Seed» The proper time In which to select goods Is late In the fall or winter. The reason for requiring this portion of the year for so doing Is because there Is no hurry, and the work can be done better. The common practice of lay ing tbe seed corn aside to remain till spring has done great damage to the corn «Top, as very often the excess of Imperfect grains is such as to cause a failure of germination over the whole field. Every ear of corn should bo ex amined, nnd the Inferior grain shelled off. Vegetable seeds also require ex amination, for insects, dampness, and other causes Interfere with tbelr safe keeping. Of course, every farmer Is supposed to be careful with his seeds, but very few farmers know the condi tion of their seeds until tho time when they are required, and then they are too much hurried to do anything with them. sometimes made the tedious occasions for a general assortment of seeds. Should any particular variety of veg etable appear to have "run out" do not retain the seed from It nt all, but procure a fresh supply from the seeds man. In fact it is best to renew all g<?eds once and awhile, as It Is bene ficial and prevents mixing varieties. Bracing a Saisine Gat«. The plan of preventing gates from sagging, shown in the illustration, is one of the best used. It has the merit of being cheap and decidedly effectual. As will be noticed from the drawing, the posts are sunk In tbe ground two feet or more, and the ends set Into a The long winter nights are P » : î n J- ' ' 32 M V*1 ♦ « ?4 1 ft d BBACBS FOB A OATS. heavy sill. This Is best done by mor tising tbe slU. Both posts and sill should be well covered with tar to prevent rapid decay. On this sill Is then built n wall of stones to within eight inches or a foot of the surface of the grouud, and on this wall Is laid a heavy piere of studiling which Is spiked to the posts. In the absence of stones, braces of heavy studding may be run from the bottom of each post next to the sill up to the top piece of studding;; the stone wall, as suggested, makes the stronger foundation. Built In the manner Indicated, the gate will work for years without sagging.—In dianapolis News. Feeding Chicken». Young chickens should be fed little and çften. The great danger In feed ing chickens up to the time they art feathered Is from overfeeding. It oc curs far more frequently than does underfeeding. Overfeeding Is more apt to occur with brooder chickens that have little chance to exercise than It does with chickens that run with the hen. There is far less danger of over feeding with .whole or cracked food than there Is when all ground food Is fed,, for the reason that digestion must take place more slowly. It there fore follows that as between hard and soft food, where both are fed, the larger the proportion of ground food the chickens eat the faster they will grow; and conversely, tho larger the proportion of cracked or whole gTaln they eat the slower they will grow and the less will be the dangers, from digestive troubles. It really becomes a question of seeing bow fast we can grow them without "feeding them off their feet"—which means without In juring their digestion. Most feeders will prefer to keep on the side of safety and not try to force them too fast. The first food should be given about twenty-four hours after hatching has been completed. The yolk sack, which lms been enclosed within the body o few hours before hatching began, con tains all the food that Is required until the digestive system is In working or der. The mistake sometimes is made of leaving the chickens so long with out nourishment that they are weak ened—but tho mistake Is more apt to bo made In the other direction. Hens pay more attention to keeping their little ones warm than they do In hunt ing for a big dinner. We should do the same.—Country Life in America. Sow Winter Wheat Vetch. This mixture of a non-legume and legume has been tried for a number of years at the station, and has proved to be an early and desirable spring green fodder. In order to grow the crop sat isfactorily the land should be plowed, harrowed, and manure spread at tho rate of four to six cords to the aero and harrowed In. Fertilizer may be used In place of manure, at the rate of fifty pounds of nitrate of soda, three hundred pounds of acid phosphate and two hundred pounds of muriate of potash to the acre. In the spring a top dressing of fifty to ono hundred pounds of nltrato of soda will prove beneficial. One and one-half bushels of wheat and one bushel of vetch should be sown broadcast about September 1 and covered not too deeply with a wheel or other harrow. Cutting should be gin Just before the wheat heads ap pear, which in this locality is the last of May. The green crop will remain In feeding condition for twelve to four teen days. If more of the fodder mix ture has beon produced than can be fed green, the balance may be made Into hay. The vetch seed may be pro cured of New York seedsmen. The results of several y eats' trial have shown this fodder mixture to be perfectly hardy and quite preferable to tons of green material to the acre un der average conditions, and In compo sition, digestibility and feeding value It fully equals peas and oats and sim ilar crops. The vetch Is a poor seeder, and bccauso of the present cost of the vetch seed It is doubtful If the ordinary dairyman can afford to grow the mix ture; but the milk producer In the vicinity of profitable markets, who cul tivates extensively, may find it a very satisfactory source of early green feed. The dried wheat and vetch fodder, If cut when In bloom, Is preferable to ordlnay bay for milk, but, on account of the Increased cost of production, It would hardly be considered profit able as û bay substitute.—Professor J. B. Lindsay, Amherst, Mass, Growing Turnips on Sod. This Is an easy method of obtaining a very good crop of turnips or ruta bagas with practically no work except seeding and harvesting. Of most Im portance Is the selection of the land, which should bo rich, and a clover sod is best But any kind of sod will do, If the grass has been cut for bay for two or more seasons. It should be well drained, and rather level to pre vent the soli from washing In heavy rain. Break It to the depth of four to five Inches and see that all of the sod is turned woll over. It Is best to smooth It down with d plank drag or roller. Then uso a disc harrow to loosen and pulvorlzo the top soil for two and a half Inches or more, to make a fine seed bed. A spring tooth harrow may be used in absence of a disc. Sow the seed at the rate of one and a half to two pounds per acre. It Is not advis able to uso too much seed, as It then may require a large amount of tire some work in thinning out the plant. A space of eighteen to twenty inches iu diameter should bo allowed to each turnip or rutabaga—Swode—that may develop Into good sized tubers. If the seed must be sown by band It should be mixed with four or five times us much bran, or ashes may be used. This 4s quite necessary, as the seed is very small and difficult to sow by hand evenly, Besides the bran or ashes will be an aid In showing where the seed falls. We prefer not to sow the tur nips until some time In June, as the roots will then make the most growth quite late tn summer, and thus b< crisp, Juicy and sweet when harvested while If sown early they will usually stop all further growth during the hot dry period so -frequently prevailing ir later part of July and August, nnc then turn fibrous and tough by the tim« they a»e pulled. If the land Is free froir foul yveeds, as It should be, and seed lug done properly, no further atten tlon Is required until It Is time to pul tbe tubers and store away. On a clcai sunny day, pull and throw into row« or small piles, and let them remain ii the sun for a few hours to let any sol that might stick to them become dry Then follow with a wagon and load when they should be taken to rool cellar or pit and stored at once, tops should be cut off quite close t« the roots with a sharp knife. This 1 prefer to do in the field at the tim« they are pulled. In absent of a rool cellar, turnips as well as potatoes may be stored in pits, dug In the ground Select a place where there is a good nat ural drainage and make pit four feci In diameter and two or three feet deep Put in roots till heaping full. Covei with a foot of coarse hay or straw, an« place a couple of feet of soil on toj of this, if they are to be left In pit al winter,—Lewis Olsen, In The Epitou It will yield at the rate of ten a I Tin ; 1st. HE DIDN'T WANT TO BUN I 8INGULAR CIRCUMSTANCES AT* TENDING THE ELECTION OF CORONER WAL8H. The Celebrated Humorist, Max Adeler, Writes of the Trials and Tribula tions of a Man Put Into Office Against His Will. The predecessor of our present cor oner, Barney Maglnn, was a man named Walsh. He was telling me the other day about the singuar circum stances attending his election to tho office. "You know," said Mr. Walsih, "that I didn't want that position. When they talked of nominating me I told them, says I: 'It's no use; you needn't elect me; I'm not going to serve. D'you s'pose Im going to give up a respectable business to become a kind of state body-catcher? D*y«xu Imagine I'm going to occupy my time skeetlng about over this coun try mauling dead people, and plung ing things into them, and setting on them to find out what killed them? Well, I Just ain't I'm no professional corpse-investigator. I'm down on this post-mortem foolery, anyway. I don't Intend to spend my life rassllng with bones lying all around the state. There's no sense in it. Why don't you chuck them into the sepulcher and be done with It? When a man's blowed up with gunpowder and comes down in mincemeat it don't interest me to know what killed him; so you needn't make me coroner, for I won't serve.' "Well, sir, do you believe that those fellers persisted in nominating me on the Republican ticket? Yes, they did; actually put me up as a candidate. So I published a letter declining the nomination; but they absolutely had the insufferable cheek to keep me on Uhe ticket and to hold mass meetings, at which they made speeches In my favor. I was mad as thunder about It, because It showed such a scand'lous disregard of ray feelings; and so I chummed in with the Democrats, and for about two months I went around to the Democratic .mass meetings and spoke against myself and In favor of the opposition candidate. I thought I had them for sure, because I knew more about my own fallings than those other fellers did, and I enlarged upon them until I made myself out—well, I just heaped up the Iniquity until' I used to go home feeling that I was a good deal wickeder sinner than I ever thought I was before. It did me good, too. I reformed. I've been a better man ever since. "Now, you'd 'a' thought people would 'a' considered me pretty fair au thority about my own unfitness foe the office, but I hope I may be killed and eaten If the cltiztms of this coun ty »positively didn't go to the polls and elect me by about eight hundred ma jority. They did, indeed. I wax the worst cut-up of any man you ever saw. I had repeaters around at the polls, too, voting for the Democratic candi date, and I paid four of the judges to falsify the returns so as to return him. But It was no use; the majority was too big. They had me in a hole. And on election night the Republican ex ecutive committee came around serenade me, and as soon as the band struck up I opened on them with a shotgun and wounded the bass-drum mer in the leg. But they kept on play ing, and, after a while, when they stopped, they poked som congratu latory resolutions under the front door and gave me three cheers, and went home. I never was so annoyed In my life. to "Then they sent me around my certificate of election; but I refused to receive it, and as sure as I'm alive those fellers grabbed me and held me while Bill Harner rammed that certifi cate into my coat pocket, and then tlney all quit The next day a man was run over on the railroad and they wanted me to tend to him. But I had my mad up and I wouldn't. So, what dees the sheriff do but come here with a gang of police and* carry me out there by force. And he scared up a Jury, which brought in a verdict. Then they wanted me to take the fees but I wouldn't touch them. I saiJ I wasn't going to give my sanction to the proceedings. But of course. It was no use. I thought I was living In a free country, but I wasn't, sheriff drew the money and got a man damus from tho court, and he came here one day while I was at dinner. When I sftid I wouldn't touch a dol lar of it, ho drew a pistol and said if I din't take those funds he'd blow my brains out. So what was a man to do? I resigned fifteen times; but somehow those resignations were sup pressed. I never heard frort them. Well, sir, at last I caved, and for three years I kept skirmishing around per fectly disgusted, meditating over folks that had died suddenly, and Inquiring about old, dilapidated cadavers that were picked up In various places. "And do you know that on toward the end of my term they had the face to try to nominate me again? It's a positive fact. Those politicians want ed me to run again; said I was the most popular coroner the county ever had; said that everybody liked my way of handling a corpse, it was so full of feeling and sympathy, and a lot more slush like that! But what did I do? I wasn't going to run any such risk again. I wasn't going to submit to such despotism more'n once anyway. So I slid up to the city, and the day before the convention met I sent down word that I was dead. Circulated a report that I'd been killed by falling off a ferryboat. Then they hung the convention hall In black and passed resolutions of respect, and then they nominated Barney Maglnn. "On tho day after the election I turned up, and you never saw men look so miserable, so cut to the heart those politicians. They said It was an infamous shame to play It on them that way, and they declared that they'd me for sheriff at the next election to make up f«>r it. If they do I'm going to move for gtxxl. I'm going to sail for Colorado or some other decent place, where they'll let a man alone. I'll die in my traces before I'll ever take another office in this county. I will, now mind me!'\ç-New York Weekly. The a I ; ru ;i The one-legged man can never travel more than a foot at a time. THE OLDEST FERRY. I Th^Crose Channel 8ervice from Dover to Calais. Perhaps tho eldest ferry In the world is the cross-channel service from Calais to Dover. It has been In existence for more than 20 centuries, and the vessels which have been en gaged In it Include every variety ol shipping, from Caesar's high-peaked galleys, propelled by banks of oars, to the new turbine steamer, The Queen which has been in service eine« Jun« 27 last. During the first century there Is nc doubt that a cross-channel service of a more or less regular character was established as part of the system of posts maintained throughout the Ro man empire, and was used by the Ro man generals commanding the Britain to keep up communication with Gaul and Rome. The lead thus given by the military authorities of Rome was followed by the missionaries, whose constant Journeying kqpt open what may be fairly described as the progeni tor of the present vast passenger and mail service, which, by way of Dover and Calais in 1901 numbered nearly 300,000 persons, and 4500 tons of mall matter, the latter carried ln 160,000 mall sacks. The fist steamship to sail between Dover and Calais began her voyage In 1820. She was a Scotch built vessel ol 100 tons and named Rob Roy. She did not materially reduce the time ol crossing, the time then required by sailing ships being two and a half tc throe hours. It was not till about 188C that large steamers reduced the tim« of crossing to about one and one-hall hours, and It has taken the whole sub sequent period to lessen the passage by another half hour. In The Queen the turbine engine* are placed well astern and take up but little space as compared with the ordi nary engine, writes United States Con sul Milner at Calais. The noise made by these turbine engines is unlike the common engine. They make a rum bling noise like rapid-running dyna» mos. Even in their immediate vicin ity there Is little or no vibration, but one is conscious of being in close proximity to great power. From amidships forward cn the promenade decks there is no noise or vibration whatever, and when the vessel le making 23 knots per hour in good weather passengers are reminded of being on shipboard only by noting that they are gliding rapidly over the sea. Any one embarking upon The Queen without knowing the ship or ever hav ing heard of her will be conscious ol the fact as soon as she is under way, that he is sailing on a steamship un like any upon which he has sailed. In heavy weather, however, the expe rience must be that of other twin screw boats. Other turbine boats are in contemplation for the service be tween Dover and Ostend and between Newhaven and Dieppe. After a month's trial The Queen has made the voyage from pier head to pier head in 50 minutes. Salisbury as a Debater. The next time I saw and heard him was In the house of commons. A full dress de bate was in progress on the second reading of a motion for the abolition of church rates. Bright and other lead ing members had spoken. Lord Robert Cecil sat on a back bench below the gangway, and made a caustic speech against the motion. A Radical speak er had made some reference—I forget what—to "the secular arm.'' "An hon orable member," retorted Lord Rob ert Cecil, "has threatened us with the 'secular arm,' which I take to mean the brawny arm of the member for Bir mingham." He spoke for about half an hour without a note and without hesitation. In figure, voice, manner and debating alertness his brilliant son' Lord Hugh, reminds me of what his father was then. Lord Palmerston had "spotted" him before this as a dan gerous opponent. "Beware of that young man," he said to one of his col leagues; "he Is master of one great secret of success in debate. Instead of defending himself, he attacks you." The debate In which I first heard the late premier was a memorable one. When the tellers announced the num bers, It was found that the "Ayes" and "Noes" were even. After a short pause, the speaker rose, and in a few well chosen words gave his reason for giving his casting vote In favor of tho "Noes."—Malcolm MacColl in The Spectator. A Serious Mishap. The Imitative faculty is the most valuable mental gift which a civil ser vant can possess, as his success large ly depends upon his ability to repeat official formulae and to write docu ments in the style of his superior, who will sign them. Negroes are admira ble imitators, and they make excellent civil servants. Here Is a letter from a Gold Coast postman to his postmas ter: "Dear Master—I have the pleas ure tq regret to Inform you that when I go bath today a billow he remove my trouser. Dear master, how can I go on duty with only one trouser? If he got loss where am I? Kind write Aczcra that they send me one more trouser, and so I catch him and go duty. Good day, sir. My God, how are you. Your loving corporal, J. A." N«rte how readily the man adopts not only official phrases, but what is prob ably the unofficial languago of his postmaster.—London Chronicle. Leaf-Cutting Bees. The leaf-cutting bees are near rela tives of the honey and bumble-bees, which they closely resemble. They derive their name from the habit you have ob8erve«l, of cutting out bits of leaves for their cells. The circular pieces are for the ends of the cells, and the oblong ploces for the sides. The 80 cells are usually In burrows cut into wood, for some of tue leaf cutting bees, like the carpenter bees, have the talent of cutting holes into wood.—St. Nicholas. No Great Loss. •This drama." said the young thor, "Is taken from the French." "Well," replied the manager to j whom it bad been submitted, "I don't I believe the French wfll ever miss It. —Chicago News. au-