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San Antonio light and gazette. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1909-1911, June 09, 1909, Image 4

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$ll NIMII H
uo Winn
F»und«d January 10. 1I»J.
Member* A»*neUt«d Press.
Evening Dally. Sunday Morning
G. D. ROBBINS Publisher
A. O. MUNRO Business Manager
E. 8. O’REILLT Managing Editor
TILtPHONE CALL*.
Business Office and Circulation De
onrUneßt. both phones "•
Wdllo-ts! Department, both phones..l*s*
TSRMS OF SUBSCRIPTION
Bv Carrier or Mall.
Drily and Sunday, one year (In ad
-mnco) » 5 ’ 9
Fn!Jv and Sunday one month
P’.ndav Edition one year.., 1W
Klnelo Conlaa. Dally or Sunday oe
E/itered at the Pottofflee at San Antonio.
Texan, as Second-claaa Matter.
•' 1 ■■ — — 1 ■ — " —* — 1 111 i
The 8 C. Beckwith Special Acency.
Representatives. New York. Tribune
Building; Chicago. Tribune Building.
I
TO SUBSCRIBERS.
It Is important when desiring the ad
dress of your paper changed to give both
old and new'addresses. Should delivery
be Irregular, pleaae notify the office.
Either telephone. 174
PUBLISHER'S NOTICE.
Subscribers to the Light and Gaaette i
are requested to pay money to regular
authorised collectors only. Do not pay
carriers, as errors are sure to result.
HIS PATIENT WHIPPING BOY.
Reed Smoot, senator from Utah, has
the honor to he “whipping boy’’ to ■
Senator Nelson W. Aldrich.
The custom of having a whipping
boy has thus been revived.
The whipping boy, it will be remem
bered. was a boy of common extrac
tion who was brought up as companion
to the prince of the royal blood, and
took his whippings for him. That is
the way Aldrich takes his legislative
flagellations.
Aldrich is in charge of tariff legis
lation. The tariff bill is framed up and
reported to the senate by the commit
tee on finance. Of that committee Al
drich is chairman. He is the man to
answer questions. Thus the theory.
But the practice is quite different.
Suppose LaFollette has the floor. “I
demand,’’ cries he, “the information
on which the committee on finance
based this schedule! What, in this in
stance, is the difference in cost of pro
duction at home and abroad!
Who takes the floor? Aldrieh? Oh,
no. It is Smoot who comes humbly from
behind the desk on the back row and.
in gentle tones, begins a defense of
the committee bill.
“If the senator from Wisconsin,”
says Smoot, “will turn to the volume
of hearings taken by the ways and
means committee and turn to page
3476, volume, 27, he will find that Mr.
New England Manufacturer appeared
before the committee with crepe on
his hat and showed that New England
manufacturers were headed toward the
poorhouse.”
“But,” demands LaFollette. “what
is the cost of making wooden nutmegs
in Austria!”
“I have not the figures before me
at the present moment,” stammers
Smoot; “but no doubt the figures are
available.”
“But,” again shrieks LaFollette,
“what is the difference in the cost of
production?”
“Yes,” says Smoot, “the business
interests of the country, suffering as
they are by this tariff debate to the
extent of ten million (or is it billion?)
dollars a day, make it undesirable that
the senator from Wisconsin interpose
objections to a simple ad valorem such
as we have prepared in this schedule.
Now the beet sugar growers of Utah,
Idaho, Colorado and Nevada”—
A freezing glance from Aldrich
causes Smoot to shrivel up.
“Didn’t I tell you not to do any un
necesary talk?” growls Aldrich.
So Smoot quits, and LaFollette lays
It on.
“The chairman of the committee on
finance does not seem to have any in
formation on the subject of this sched
ule. He disregards the whole question
of difference in cost of production at
home and abroad. He seems to forget
that there are any people in this coun
try who are not makers of wooden nut
megs. He acts like a nincompoop!”
But it is Reed Smoot who is on his
feet taking the licking.
The official designation of Smoot is
“lieutenant floor manager. ’
It has long been understood that
there is a compact between the repub
lican national committee and the Mor
mon church—-an arrangement which
dates from the time when Perry Heath
went for Hanna to Salt Lake City and
engineered the deal. Smoot comes to
the senate, representing the organized
political power of the Mormon church.
As a secular power this is enormous.
It is equivalent to a railroad system or
almost to an organization like Stand
ard Oil. It is backed by vast wealth
and controls a vast number of votes.
Smoot stands and takes his whip-
WEDNESDAY,
pings with patient fidelity. Of course,
it ia not without compensation, for,
think of the honor, for instance.
Grim, sea-colored monsters are now
the battleships and cruisers of the Amer
ican fleet. The white squadron, gay
with gilt and gear, is no more. The
1 officers who should be on the retired
list have been'put there, and the holi
day aspect of the fleet, maintained dur
ing its long voyage around the world
is only a gay memory.
Captains, lieutenants, ensigns and men
are doggedly at work. The superstruc
tures are removed, so far as possible,
and figureheads of brass and copper
are relegated to Ihf storerooms, just as
the figureheads in the force of offi
cers have been relegated to the club and
the social functions of land duty.
Strictly on a war basis is the fleet
of today, according to the news dis
patches. The ugly, but extremely effi
cient steel waste basket masts are in
place, the bridges and jig work are
gone, the vessels are practically stripped
for battle, and all the maneuvers will
be upon a war basis.
The officers and men, always, on the
whole, keen for work and efficiency,
are keyed to the highest pitch, and the
sterner spirit of the fleet is as welcome
to most of them as it is to the people
who support it. The guns and the men
behind them are ready to fight, and
the navy is stripped for action.
Jackies, officers, ships—may they
never have to fight; but may they be
fit for it every minute!
It ’s an even bet that the filibuster to
put Castro in the' presidency of Vene
zuela again is only the nervous vision
of the present administration.
Wonder if we have profited fifty mil
lions worth by the libraries Carnegie
has given us? That is the amount he is
said to have spent for them, but we
would have appreciated it more had
he built baseball paries or free restaur
ants. ,
Doubtless the editors who stirred up
the Panama row are not so anxious
about the celerity of court proceedure
as their editorial columns have been in
the past.
Many persons who learn that the per
capita circulation of real money in this
country is $35.01 wonder who it is that
has the $35 they are individually
‘ ‘ shy. ’ ’ •
With more or less pain we note that
that indefatigable advertiser of himself
named Walter Wellman is this early in
the season beginning to inflate his mer-
ry jest that he is about to make another
“dash for the pole.”
FS?@i!3
A New York man is charged with
bigamy because he talked in his sleep
of other feminine names than his
wife’s. Perhaps he had a nightmare
vision of the weird sisters Maxi and
Mini.—Washington Post.
THE HOWL REMAINS.
A Kansas orator says that sixty
years ago Kansas was a howling wil
derness. Yes, to be sure. Kansas quit
being a wiiuernrss i number of years
ago.—Fort Worth Record.
HE WAS “TOUCHED.”
A Chicago man was touched at the
sight of a girl with big freckles weep
ing on a doorstep and gave her his room
for a few days while he went to a ho
tel. She stole $65 from him. $2OO from
his landlady and left. His faith in
freckles is gone, so is his money.—
Cuero Record.
TEXAS ALWAYS LEADS.
On the strength of all the records
Texas is entitled to the praise, glory
and medals as a leader in the stork
voidest; <O,OOO foi last year.—Buffalo
Times.
LIKE A WINNER, OF COURSE.
The next question is, what is San An
tonio going to look like after spending
that $25,000 publicity fund lately sub
scribed by her liberal minded citizens.
— Laredo Times.
WAS IT YEB OR NO?
“Will you be my wife?” ,
“This is so sudden!”
“I know it, but will you?”
“I must have time to consider.”
“How much time?”
“An hour!”
“Nope, I can’t wait so long.”
“Would the suspense drive you fran
tic ”
“Nope, ’tisn’t the suspense, but if
you are going to turn me down I want
to know it and get away in time for a
| poker party I have half way promised
] to join.”
ALL IN THE NAME.
“Mme. De la Mode has a great deal
, of assurance to call her place for de
; hutantes’ outfits a perfect model of
I styles.”
“Why so? Aren’t her fittings simply
J superb?” .
■ “Perh’aps th*y are, but hers is really
I a miss fit establishment. ”
THE NEW NAVY.
OB A SHY KITTY.”
SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND OAZB.TTB
ON MAY 1. 1910, IF DAYLIGHT LOVERS HAVE THEIR WAY. THE CLOCKS OF THE COUNTRY WILL
BE SET TWO HOURS AHEAD, SC THAT 5 A. M. WILL BE 7 A. M.—NEWS ITEM.
M Ilk
zzS< A dim
The business of canning, according
to one of those interested in it, is one
of the biggest gambles that ean be con
ceived. It isn’t the same kind of gam
ble that marks the stock or the grain
market, but the element of change
figures just the same.
“We contract for our stuff,” said
the local man, “ahead of the season,
making arrangements for fruit, for in
stance, before the blossoms are on the
trees. The price we agree to pay-is
rather problematical, too, as both buyer
and seller are trying to outguess each
other as to the market price of the
fruit when it is ready for shipment.
“When time for delivery comes, we
lose if we have overbid the market
price, for as much fruit as we will take
is poured in on ns at the contract
figure. On the other hand, should the
contract have been made below the
market price, our farmers are pretty
likely to tell us that thev have had a
short erop. and can’t fill the orders
we give them. So, it’s a difficult
proposition either wav,”
The punster paused and cleared his
throat; it was plain that he was about
to hand out one and reporter reached
for his scratch pad.
“Say!” said the joke artist, “I read
in your paper the other day a little
story about the finding out in Colo
rado of frogs without eyes. Everybody
made a big spout about it and it was
played up under a big head. Now. I
want to tell you what I’ve discovered.
I've discovered a pig without eyes. It's
a good thing to know about on Sun
days. Come on and I’ll show Jou.!’
The scribe hesitated between duty
and desire, then smacked his lips and
followed the punster’s lead.
A young society man, who is regard
ed as being a regular Beau Bruinmel of
a fellow, has been pondering over a
remark he made to a girl not long ago,
an<l her reply to it. It is the latter
which has caused him much thought.'
He likes to consider himself a man of
the world, but he doesn’t like to have
other people insist upon that definition.
“Once, when I was young and unso
phisticated,” he began in his conversa
tion with the girl mentioned.
“Oh, you were never so young as
that,” she replied so quickly that he
forgot to finish his anecdote and de
voted the rest of the time figuring out
exactly what she had meant. He isn’t
wholly satisfied on that point yet.
STRICTLY SPEAKING.
Glass

SAVING.
“Thnt young man of yours is a final’
cier, isn’t he?”
‘‘ I guess he must be, he haen't pr<
posed yet.”
MAYDAY MORNING, 1910?
“800-hoo! I’m so beastly absent minded I’ve gone an’ ate all de candy
without givin’ Johnnie any!”
San Antonio
21 Years Ago
(From The Light, June 9, 1888.)
A meeting was held last night to
further the organization to be known | ]
as the San Antonio Athletic and So
cial club. C. B. Mullaly acted as chair
man and Frank Bushick as secretary. A
committee .was appointed composed of
H. 8. Canfield, O. C. Guessaz, C. M.
Barnes and H. A. Day to prepare the
constitution and by-laws.
Jesse B. Grant, son of General Grant,
arrived yesterday from Mexico.
The Texas State Photographers’ as
sociation convened yesterday at Waco.
Wool to the amount of $250,000 was
sold at Hico yesterday.
The high school closed yesterday.
B. K. O 'Brein has returned from Chi
cago and St. Louis.
Constable Stevens has arrested two
men on charges of horse theft, alleged
to have been committed in Karnes
county. The horses were sold in this
city.
The French colony of San Antonio
will this evening to arrange for
the celehratiiyj of the anniversary of
the fall of the Bastile.
Charles Schutz of Goliad has report
ed to Sheriff of Wilson county
that he was held up and robbed of ;
$4OO, the proceeds from the sal ■ of
horses, while on his way home irom ‘
San Antonio. The sheriff and a posse
arc scouring the country.
The Aneient Order of Hibernians ’
elected the following officers last
night: P. J. Scully, president; P. J.
Cody, vice president; J. W. Gallagher,
recording secretary; Pat M. Campbell,
financial secretary; Ed J. Gallagher,
treasurer; Mike Mulie, sergeant at
• aims; Charles Boyle, county delegate.
A meeting of wool growers and deal
• era will be held tomorrow night to act
,on a resolution adopted on May 30,
“JUST KIDS.”— By T. S. AUen.
fnvoring an organization of those in
terested in the wool trade into a tariff
club, having for its aim the mainte
nance of the present tariff on woo;,
which the Mills bill proposes to re
move. The meeting is called by James
L. Slayden, chairman of the committee.
SAD FOR NIFTY 1909 BATHING
GIBL.
Please majr we go swimming, solons?
Sure thing, if you dress as you orter
You must wear a long cloak from head ,
to feet.
And duck quick into the water.
Oh, for the days of nineteen eight,
Pouts the girl of 1909. I
Naughty New York mustn't see (on the'
beach)
The human form divine.
Gloomy days are coming for Coney
Island and Rockaway Beach if the bills
introduced in the New York state legis
lature are passed.
Loug skirts, high neck waists, with a
long cloak from shoulders to ankles, is
the prescribed bathing suit for 1909, as
i Senator Burlingame and Assemblyman
i Murphy plan it.
Thev can slip out of the cloaks when
(they get to the water’s edge, but they
i will have to wear them from the hotel
' or the cottage.
“Before a man is 30 he falls in love
with every pretty girl he looks at,”
“Yes, and after he is 30 he falls in love
with every pretty girl that looks at
him.” —Boston Transcript.
AND THEY SAY THE ENGLISH HAVE NO HUMOS
Man at Window: What are you makin’ all that row about?
Tourist: I’ve lost my way and want to know if I can stop here tn
the night. Man at Window: Stop there for
the night? Of course ye can. (Slamswindow.) —London Tatler.
most ABYinirrGi
JOSH WBEJMYS:
“A woman’s ‘No’ may mean ‘Yes,’
but her ‘Uh-huh’ means nothin’ at all.”
Say, boss, don’t you want to hire an
office boy?
Nope, beat it. .< .
Bet yer do. Yours just got run over.
Wisconsin records another bank rob
bery with guns, desperadoes, fast
horses and all the fixins’. Wonder why
some one doesn’t tell those fellows that
the United States is civilized.
Congressman Cushman of Washington
looks like Lincoln. Like Lincoln, Cush
man knows what hard work is, and
used to swing a pick in a section gang
with his own fair hands.

“What’s the trouble now!” demand
S%OH SAVINGS
k«MliM6™STfe
S (UNINCORPORATED)
■ 109 EAST HOUSTON ST.
F 2% ON AVERAGE DAILY
CHECK ACCOUNT BALANCES
F.GROOS&CO., Banker
| (UNINCORPORATED.)
I 1 CONSERVATIVE BANKING BUSINESS TUHStCTED
Commerce and
XIAMO NATIONAL BANK
SAN ANTONIO. TEXAS
CAPITAL AND SURPLUS $600,000.00
S»f«, Conservative. Accommodating
Both Fire and Burglar Proof Vaulta in Fire Proof Building
THE STATE BANK & TRUST CO.
321 E. Houston Street San Antonio. Texas
Will Handle All Your Business
..... Promptly and Cheerfully .....
W. T. McCampbell. J. H. Haile. Cashier
SAN ANTONIO
— KERRVILLE
JUNE 9, 19091
ed the weary janitor, according to tlTs
Louisville Courier • Journal. “More
heat ? ’ ’
“No,” said the tenant of the latest
skyscraper, “but I want these cisuds
pushed away from my windows.”
Wonder if the Georgians who still
vote for Andy Jackson have heard that
the state is tied up by a railroad strike.
“I have a dozen horses on my place,’*
says a prosperous farmer of Saline coun
ty, Kansas, and not one of them will
scare at a motor car in dry weather,
But just let me meet a motor when it
is raining, and any horse I have will
try to climb the fences or anything else
that is in the way.” \
SENSIBLE.
John Hays Hammond
Doesn’t care
To go out to
China where
Honors wait him;
He says he
Has a wife and
Family
To look after,
And he’ll stay
With the kids $ ,
And romp and play w~.
With them while )
They’re growing, an*
John is ,)ust
My kind o’ man.

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