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6 SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND GAZETTE Founded January 20, 1881. _ Evening Dally. Members Associated Press. Sunday Mornlnr O. D. ROBEINS ,... .Publisher TELEPHONE CALLS. Business Office and Circulation Department, both phones.. 176 Editorial Department, both phones las » TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. By Carrier or Mall. Daily and Sunday, one year (in advance) ?5 ; 00 Dally and Sunday, one month Bunday Edition, one year 2 ™ Single Copies, Dally or Sunday ac Entered at the Postoffice at San Antonio, Texas, as Second-class Matter, tfoiyv- The 'S C. Beckwith Special Agency, Representatives. New York, Tribune Bldg. Chicago. Tribune Bldg. TO SUBSCRIBERS. . It is important when desiring the address of your paper changed to give both old and new addresses. Should delivery be irregular, please notify the office. Either telephone 176. PUBLISHER'S NOTICE. Subscribers to The Light and Gazette are requested to pay money to regular authorized collectors only. Do not pay car riers, as errors are sure to result. The Light and Gazette Is on sale at hotels and news-stands throughout the United States. LARGEST (liCUUIlON OF ffl PAPER IK SAN ANTONIU , Aside from Willis L. , - Moore, Major Buell and It S 1 Losing Business but other men of the weather We Just Can’t Help It! nirean, we can’t think of a .I. ■■ ■ ■—। living soul which remains a living soul through the income from prophecy. The most ifnprofitable business in all the world has elways been that of the prophet. Since Baalam's time every packass on the road seems to feel a divine license to open his mouth and roast the prophet. Whenever the soothsayer got a red-hot hunch from the auspices that Caesar was to he carved or Hannibal be* headed, the soothsaid one had the soothsayer carefully exe cuted. and then went on his way to his doom. Prophets have been stoned, and pressed to death, and broken on the wheel, and burned as wizards, and deported as undesirable citizens, and defeated for election, and de sorted by their friends, and foreclosed on by their credit ors, from the time of the Shepherd Kings of Egypt even unto this day, and then some. While they ha,ve not been without honor, it has never been in their own country. And what profiteth it a prophet to carry the whole of Central Asia, and lose his own ward! Having thus demonstrated the thgnklessness of the pro phet’s job, we will prove our disinterestedness by prophesy ing a bit ourselves. So here goes: Our prophetic vision shows us a news dispatch from Washington, dated along in March or April, 1910. It reads thus: “Congress having killed its time in bootless bicker and futile talk and yammering, has adjourned without taking action legalizing the withdrawal of the coal, water power, phosphate, oil and other public lands. Therefore Bal linger has today restored to entry all such lands. There is great rejoicing in Guggenheim and other circles. The water power trust will now be formed at once. The Schmitt mann syndicate will complete its power over the phosphate beds. There will be a saturnalia of land-stealing undar the homestead, desert land and other acts. Secretary Ballinger' says: “I take the non action of congress to mean that the people desire these lands to be developed by private capital.” “Representative Mondell is jubilant.” And if thia prophecy comes true, who will be to blame for it! That the pins are set up for just this thing is certain. While the discussion of bonus raising is still admittedly proper, it would not be amiss to call attention to the fact that Oklahoma City raised, without resorting to re crimination, the sum of $300,000 to bring a desired industry there. The new plant will cost $3,000,000 and will employ hundreds of workers. Oklahoma City did it all in about two weeks. Hats off! The Equitable Life Assurance society is of the opinion that southern securities are good securities, wherefore they buy $1,375,000 worth of southern bonds. How conld Mr. Warriner have succeeded permanently as a defaulter when he was foolish enough to suppose that the silence of a woman in possession of a secret was purchasable? ____________ That we are a people in- A Good Joke t0 z lightly is sufficiently proven What? I by a dispatch printed by a —— ——— contemporary stating that when H. Bascom Thomas spoke in a neighboring town at<l made serious charges against the integrity of our law makers “his address was received in a spirit of good humor end parts of it were applauded.” How amusing it must be to learn that the lobbyists are running Texas, and what a field for mirth, merriment and laughter. What a side splitting situation. If a few hired legislative agents with money are shaping the laws as charged by the once-expellel senator, it is of course funny enough to arouse in any well regulated and properly conservative community a gale of mirth. When our own troubles are so amusing why should we if Texas work ourselves into a passion about the beef trust, froth at the mouth about the woolen trust, turn purple about, the evils of the leather trust and seek to absorb the wealth of the oil trust; or mulct the amiable Waters-Pierce Oil company or track other alleged trusts to their lair as such legal sport is called? Why not receive the assur ances that wo are paying too much for this and that and the other thing with a good-natured smile, and, if the overcharge be rather more than usual, loudly laugh it off. No one has yet denied the charges brought by Senator Thomas and the recent court revelations at Austin rathsr indicate that he is not overdrawing the situation. We are Parisian in our indifference. We mingle gaycty with the wonpwopd and toss off the bitter draught with a merry quip. Senator Thomas is coming here to sneak and no doubt We shall be transported, convulsed, delirious; we shall split our sides, lose our buttons, and make wrinkles in our faces when we hear about the funny way the lobby has been beating the people to the laws. Haste thee, Mr. Thomas there are too few sunny, laughing switches on the trunk line of life; cannot wait. TUESDAY, The British house of lords T , ... —after which our senate m Justice Was on modeled —has been saved the Job I from a great calamity. A young man giving the name of Ernest Henry Sackville-West sought in the British courts to be declared the heir of his lordship, Baron Lionel Sackville-West, and so to be entitled to a seat among Eng land ’s peers. One titled judge heard the case, and brother peers testi fied. Nearly a hundred witnesses were examined, and his lordship on the bench.has decided: That Baron Saekville-West, peer of the realm, repre sented Great Britain at the court of Spain. That his lordship met a woman, an actress named Jose phine d’Ortega. That Josephine was married and living with her husband. That his lordship made love to the married woman, and took her from her husband. That five children were born to his lordship and the woman. That his lordship didn’t marry the woman. That if he did the marriage wasn’t legal because of her deserted husband. That, therefore, this eldest son of his lordship and the woman was not born in wedlock, and cannot sit in tho house of lords. That the young man, by the loss of his name, his estate [ and his title, shall pay for his father’s and his mother’s sin. And best of all, the honor of the noble house of Sack ville-West is thuA kept spotless (or thereabouts), and the house of lords be not contaminated but shall have some more worthy successor to his lordship, the honorable, the noble and serene Baron Sackville-West. Amen. As Others View It THIRTY BILLION In pottering about the cold storage plants of Jersey City yesterday a grand jury found itself in the midst of thirty billion eggs. How long they had been there, no one could say precisely. It was a safe guess, however, that not all of them had been laid that morning or that month. Indeed, there were certain subtle hints that their multidinous immi gration had begun two years ago. Thirty billion eggs! The very mention of the thing overawes the imagination like the “vasty deep” or the genealogies of the book of Genesis. Little, wonder that eggs have been selling at 40 cents a dozen when thirty billions of them are corraled within a single ice house. That is the most illuminating discovery yet made in the high cost of living. It lays hare the secret power wherebv foodstuffs are maue to ebb and flow not in accordance with natural demands, but m obedience to the will of monopolies. And, furthermore, it leads us to pause and ruminate upon our omelets. It solves the riddle of why so few eggs will poach. It imbues us with deei>er reverence for age of eggs in gener.il aud with a broader charity for all their faults. Old wood to burn, old wine to drink, old books to read old eggs tc talk with. —Atlanta Journal. A WAKEFUL POLICEMAN । The sometimes ingenious inventors of nows in New Jer i serf which they assiduously feed to the devouring presses of I the metropolis, have discovered a policeman who never sleeps. This strange guardian of the suburban peace of Hackensack is not, however, voluntarily vigilant. He and Morpheus are strangers, but not of his own will. During the hours when he is off duty he woos slumber in vain. Nor can he sleep, it is alleged, when on his post. No chair for him in the warm corner of the friendLy groggery, with an allied scout outside to give warning of the approach of the intrusive patrolman. Ceaselessly he tramps his beat, not through devotion, but of necessity. When he is relieved he works in a garden; but not in cultivation of poppies of somnolence. Once he had the substantial weight of 280 pounds; now he has fallen off to 200—still too much avoir dupois for sprinting. He is a model alarm clock. He calls persons without fail who must catch early trains. He wakes members of his family at whatever hour they would arise. He rouses private watchmen who weakly succumb to drowsi ness. No explanation accompanies the report of this phenom enon. It appears that even physicians are in vain. Ini is a terror to nocturnal evildoers, for his vigilance may be at the price of their liberty. This wakeful officer cannot be popu lar among others of his calling. He sets an example which they are naturally and traditionally loath to imitate. But his case is one for the curious study of enthusiasts in the va rious civic problems that beset the altruists of local devo tion to public weal. Truly, this policeman’s lot is not a happy one.—Washington Post. Ml SHE URS AND SATS TO ME; " H TOO SHOVEL OFF THAT SNOW, SAYS SHE. ■ I —II _ - ■ ■ &WE ME A DOZEN EGGS SAID I. THE GROCER. F&S IS HIGH SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND GAZETTE And THEN TO HER 1 PIP REPLY.’ Ill do the best i i. , - ■ ■ - „ - -■ _ - - - ITS BEEN A LONG LONG TIME aGC SINCE THAT THERE EGG WAS FRESH, '— — I Know* L ALL SORTS 7 Copyright. 1909. by ; Post Publishing Co. ; By NEWTON NEWKIRK. THE HUNTING IS FINE. Diogenes went out to hunt An honest man—he met Battalions of the other kind, So “Diog” is hunting yet. Josh Wise Says: “Some sweethe arts are only sugar-coated.” THE MEAT EATER’S FAULT. The meat dealer says it is all the meat eater's fault. The meat dealer says the reason meat is so high is because the meat eater al ways insists on having the choicest euts. Now, if the meat eater would only be satisfied with a sirloin cut from right between the horns or a tenderloin from the neck, or a beef stew made from the hoofs and dew-claws, there would be no controversy between the meat dealer and the meat eyter. At the present prices, the man who pays the bills feels like taking off his hat and salaaming very low when he meets a cow on the road. That “golden calf” thing is no joke. Heretofore, we have been the pupils and the beef trust has been the teach er, but now the people are doing the tutoring. We have got the beef trust’s goat, its mutton, its breakfast bacon and some more of its live stock. Get on the grain cart! We love our beef steV, but, oh, you baked beans! THE DEVIL’S TAIL. Dear Newt —Will you tell me why in picture and in story Satan is al ways shown or described as having a spear on the end of his tail? Galls City. • WHIT. It is a curious fact that those who have been intimately associated in busi- ness with his Satanic Majesty and who have therefore been in a position to ask him why he sports a spear on the end of his tail, have never enlightened the worldNm the subject. I don’t know the devil well enough to walk up to him, slap him on the back and ask him why he wears a spear on the end of his tail. I have only a passing acquaintance with him. When he approaches me, peddling lem ons, I tell him to get behind me, and that if he is not satisfied to go way back and sit down he can beat it back to the stoke hole. I can only conjecture why the need of the devil's tail is adorned by a spear: It would serve as a hand-hold if one should .ever succeed in getting a good grip on his tail. It would also serve in giving a vic tim the hook. Or perhaps he -is advertising a well known brand of tobacco. NOTICE. As I have had no offers for my black horse, weighing 1,000 pounds, which I wanted at least $75 for, I have cone eluded to slash the price to $50 spot cash. Now jump. V. R. DONOVAN, the plumber, 727 North Main street. The above arvertiseineut is clipped from a Brocton newspaper. Here is_a chance to get a thousand pounds of horse flesh for the ridiculous sum of $50 spot cash. Jump, you son-of-a-gun, JUMP! RHYMO THE MONK Copyright, 1910, by the New York Evening Jouma 1 Publishing Company. RHYMO THE MONK J opynsbt. 1910. br Um X - Y rk publl.-hlK C Observant Citizen While Observant Citizen was walk ing along Houston last Saturday he noticed a policeman shove a young man from the sidewalk into the street and make several threateninij gestures with his club. It was learned that the voung man was riding on a street car and that a gust of wind had blown the hat from his head and into the hands of the offi cer. As the owner of the skypiece ap proached the peace guardian and ac cepted the lid from the policeman he laughingly remarked: “Well, I’m certainly glad that you are able to catch something, instead of a burglar. Now try your hand on catching those fellows who are com mitting all the depredations in the city.” “Good Resolutions Broken, or Fifty Minutes From Summit Place to the Business Section of the City,” is the title of a rich story told by Observant Citizen this morning. When O. C. awoke at 6 o’clock this morning at his home near San Pedro park, he did so with resolutions that he would be the early bird down to the office during the week, and accordingly made a dash for the car to come to the city. A car was in waiting with a goodly number of passengers on hoard and several Mexican employes of the traction com pany were at work in loading both of the platforms with jacks, crowbars, tamping bars and other tools used in track work. A delay of seven minutes was occasioned in the loading and then a start was made for town. The car had not gone over a half a block from the sheds when one “of the bars fell from the platform and another stop was made to pick it nip and rearrange all the tools. But this time the car was jammed with people who were grumbling at the awful delay and pro testing against the big pile of junk that they were forced to crawl over in entering and leaving the car. When the car finally reached the office of the company on Houston street several watches were pulled and it was learn ed that it required just fifty minutes to get to the city from the time that the car left Summit Place until it reached the office on Houston street. Moral: Use a work car for the hauling of tools and save a dozen persons from breaking a good set of resolutions on Monday morning. SAN ANTONIO 21 YEARS AGO (From the Light, February 8, 1889.) Mrs. O. Guerguin and Miss Adele Guerguin have returned from a trip to the City of Mexico. George T. Wilson, business manager of George Wilson’s minstrels, which will appear at the Grand within a few weeks is in the city. Capt. J. S. Ramsey, of this city, has been installed as deputy grand master of the grand lodge, I. O. O. F., at Cor sicana, Texas. Phil Barbour, formerly with the El Paso Transfer company, is in the city. The golden wedding celebration of the nuptiMs of Mr. and Mrs. Czernicki took place yesterday morning at 9 o’clock at St. Michael’s Polish Catholic church, Rev. Father Wolincebite officiating. Col. Thomas H. Kingsley, southwest ern passenger agent of the Louisville & Nashville railway, with headquarters at Dallas, is in the city. A masquerade ball will be given to night at the Arbeiter Verein hall by the Juvenile orchestra. “Civilization,” remarked the canni bal king, “promotes some strange ideas.” “To whom do you specially refer?” inquired the missionary. “Among you the ultimate consumer is regarded with sympathy. Here he is considered verv lucky.”—Washington Star. W'S WHY TOU SEE ME HAKDATWORE Fur 1 AM not THE MAN TO SHIRK ’ Tour Guarantee is Good for nix! 1 ORDERED EGGS—You GAVE ME CHICKS Texas Talk UNDERPOWERED. None of us does his level best, though niost of us boast that we do. It is a convenient way to ex-, case failuftb There is more latent than active power in the average man; the man of whom this is not true is apt to be a genius. He either by sheer force of will or in response to some kind of stimulus has converted the greater part of his latent into dynamic power. Hope, the expectation of success, is one of the greatest if not the very greatest of stimuli. Let a rain come in the nick -of time, and industry and enterprise bound for, ward. The general disposition is to say that the rain caused it. But the rain caused only a part of it. A large part, perhaps the larg er part, was caused by the fact that men opened wider the throttle of their energies, let some or their latent power into the cylinders where it can work. They are moved to do this by the brighter pros pect, by their increased expecta tion of success. Psychology is mixed up in everything; and even a rain can come under circumstances which make its psychological far more potent than its physiological force.—Galveston News. Yes, after chewing it over, you’re about right. The stroke is big enough blit the horsepower is too small. THE FASHIONS. The penitentiary board is rapidly reforming the system. The straps have been reduced to authorized size and the number of lashes from 29 to 20. The best of it all, every vicious character in charge of convicts has been fired and place filled with men who know that their jobs depend upon the treatment they give the convicts.— Texas Democrat. Reducing the straps and lashes ought in time to put the penitentiaries on a high social plane. Quite a change this year in the style of straps. SQUEEZED. ' It is alleged that Texas cattle men are alarmed atthe crusade against the beef trust. This is tho first intimation we have had that Texas cattle men thought the prices being paid for beef cattle were high in proportion to the extortion now being perpetrated by the packing trusts. We don’t believe Texas cattle men as a class, want higher prices for cattle, if they must be come parties to a erime in order to secure them.—Kerville Mountain Sun. Texas cattle men realize probably that the trust will decrease the prices paid on in whatever proportion they reduce the price to tho consumer. The producer is squeezed as well as the con sumer between the trust’s millstones. THOUGHTFUL. Oue thing to be said in favor of the San Antonio brand of holdups is that they permit their victims to remain seated in their offices while being relieved of their cash. —Houston Chronicle. And they are liable to call at any moment and knock you out without even saying “please.” A WISH. The crop of two pecan trees in Weatherford netted the owner $105. While the pecan is a little slow in its growth, the sooner they are plauted the sooner will they come into bearing.—Beaumont Enter prise. Wish we had about a thousand bear ing pecan trees. Go IN THE HOUSE WITH YOUK silly Rhymes ‘— I’ll shovel the snow myself’ THAT BEING THE CASE i’Ll HAVE .TO CHARGE YOU A DOLLAR MORE* IS Mich NOy < J • FEBRUARY 8, 1910. Little Stories NEW SPORT OF FLYING. Operating an aeroplane is easier than riding a bicycle dr steering an automo bile. In driving on the road your at tention is required constantly to be fixed upon the paths or ruts in which the vehicle must be guided, for the slightest inattention would cause.seri ous trouble. Guiding an aeroplane is like riding a bicycle in the center of an immense asphalt plaza where the sur face is perfectly smooth and uniform, and where you can go in every direction equally well without serious attention as to where you must steer. In the air all is free, and the movements become so unconscious that the aviator’s mind sometimes wanders off until he almost forgets that he is in an aeroplane. One can look down on the ground and notice various things, but it is very hard to tell how high you may be flying or the exact angle of flight of the machine or its speed,—Country Life in America. TURKEY TALK. The great Sacramento valley of Cali fornia is the world’s greatest turkey country. Herds of turkeys, from 500 to 5000 strong, roam this valley, a herder and his dog behind them. The turkeys, at this season, are bought in herds, like sheep. They average $2 or $3 apiece. A turkey shipment of $25,000 is not unusual. The Sacramento grasshoppers make this valley the excellent turkey coun try it is. A turkey demands 300 grass hoppers a day, and in the Sacramento country he is never heard to grumble about short rations. The herder has a little house on wheels that a horse draws. With this he follows, the turkeys in their journeys— six or seven miles a day—after grass hoppers. The grain-fed turkey is always the fattest and tenderest, but the tramp birds of the herds, with his all-day walks and his abundance of grasshop pers, has a finer, gamier flavor. CHIPS OF TRUTH. We pray to be good, but we work to get rich. The first pneumatic mail tube was inaugurated in Philadelphia seventeen years ago. Rich and poor alike try to dodge their taxes. The only difference is that the rich know how to do it. Old motor tires, melted down, are exported to Germany, and return as rub ber dolls. Some good men seem to think that the commandment about loving one’s neighbor applies exclusively to the fair sex. All up-to-date chicken thieves work with chloroform. To break a man of borrowing your snow shovel, send around every time he does it and borrow his automobile. \ good golfer should be able to drive 211 yards off a watch without hurting the timepiece. MODERN DEFINITIONS. Friendship—Any acquaintance in the pursuance of which we see profit. Tomorrow —The day upon which we overtake happiness—find a true friend —meet a truthful human; the day, when the indolent labor and the fools reflect. Honor —That quality which prompts a man to avenge attacks upon his own women, but fails to restrain him from making attacks upon other men’s women. Panjc—Business indigestion follow ing financial stuffing.—Smart Set. HOW HE KNEW. “What makes you think he is not a genisfi?” “He repaid $5 that he had bor rowed from me.”—Houston Post. GLOBE SIGHTS. There are so many kinds of people that men have been known to complain about everything except that the dividends they receive are too large. An Atchison man says he does not want to marry a wo man who is willing to die for him. He wants to marry some one who will never yawn in his fact?, and will always laugh at his jokes. When a man has just turned the cor ner into Easy street. Misfortune, which had been keeping some distance at h'S leel< like a scared, but persistent deg, makes a quick lunge, and grabs him. I am forever hear ing about qniet peo ple who don’t much,” said a verv lalkativc Atchison man recently. “T would like to meet one; every one I know is always rude ly interrupting m,* when I try to say something. ” There are manv tests of a woman ’a qualifications for the biscuit test is su- Rest Society, but the promo: The «m»1i.« ber biscuits, the m-’-e eligible she is '>r the Real Inner Cy cles. and. if her bis cuits are as big is pic-pans, sho is still out on the edge. Atchison Globe.