6
WEDNESDAY,
SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND GAZETTE
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Oh, That
Legislature
that appall. It is a con
stant inspiration to sit up o’ nights just to see what will
happen next. If there was ever a supposedly rock-ribbed
and iron-bound democracy, it is that Texas legislature. One
has but to tell the legislature that a certain man repudiated
plank 93 in the democratic platform of 1897 to have that
man hung, drawn and quartered by resolution. It’s democ
racy is simon-pure, 90 proof, and copper-bottomed.
But—
Someone in that legislature said that the republican tariff
law—the Payne-Aldrich bill that by its trust building and
poor-robbing tendencies is likely to sink the party that lath
ered it—is a bad piece of legislation. Then up bobs a ster
ling old Jacksonian democrat, his face distorted by passion,
and defends the Payne Aldrich bill as a providential bless
ing, as a God-given gift to the people of America. Why!
Because Joe Bailey, who is supposed to be a good democrat,
voted for it.
Now that you’re dizzy watching the gyrations, can you,
really, ear you beat it? Isn’t it the absolute limit?
That’s slang, but Esperanto will not describe a situation
like this. When democratic legislatures endorse the robbing
Payne-Aldrich tariff in spirit because some politician from
the home state voted for it—well, it’s titne to forget the
legislature.
A man up north puts his wife in a cave with snakes and
then tries to place her on a red-hot stove. She got a divorce
and now we will hear more about the laxity of the divorce
laws.
And this is the season of the yev when the small boy
begins to think that life is not worth living after all.
The Houston street poultice paving nas again been re
paired. It is in worse condition after one year of wear
than San Pedro avenue after ten years of constant use.
When Mayor Callaghan goes out of office next May he will
have left a mighty big burden for the taxpayers to carry,
and the street commissioner will doubtless hold in horror
that day that poultice was invented.
The growth of San Antonio is most positively shown by
the purchase of much additional ground tor the use of the
Southern Pacific railroad here. The large tract of recently
acquired land will be used to increase the terminal facili
ties. That the spirit of optimism is not unnatural is a sen
sible conclusion when one considers that a corporation of
the sort which the Sunset is supposed to be is not gambling
in futures. The traffic and tonnage is here and the in
creased facilities are needed to meet existing conditions.
That Howark party of balloonists is madder’n wet hens.
Landed on Dry Bidge, Ky., when they’d thrown overboard
all their grub trying to make Free Drinks, Tenn.
Taft's keynote is to be “Further Revision of the Tar
iff.” Up or down, Bill, up or <k>wn?
The American Bar assoe.l
- ation. a national organiza-
LaWyCfS tion o f lawyers, opens its
and the Law I thirty-third annual meeting
at Chattanooga today, to
continue for three days,
One of the committees will give the results of its study of
the causes and cures for delay, uncertainty and unnecessary
cost in litigation. The committee recommends that the
judgments of appellate courts shall be rendered upon the
merits without regard to technical errors that do not affect
the merits. To the average mind, this seems as self-evident
as two and two make four. But the great majority of the
reviewing courts are proceeding upon an entirely different
basis. What would you think of a supreme court that set
aside a ball game where the score was 99 to 1 and required
it to be played over again simply because the umpire made
a mistake in his decision that affected one run? It might
be clear that the game had been won on the merits and
that the umpire’s decision had not affected the result, and
yet because he made one error the game would have to be
played all over again.
This is the way a lot of supreme courts have been doing
and the bar association is trying to get congress to pass
laws requiring them to act in a more common sense way.
A vast proportion of the decisions of courts are devoted
to the tules of the game rather than the rights of the par
ties. Lawyers call them “questions of practice and pro
cedure.” One of the committees has formulated two of the
principles that should govern reforms in these matters, thus:
“The sole office of pleadings should be to give notice to
the respective parties of the claims, defenses and cross
demand* asserted by the adversaries; the pleader should
not be held to state all the elements of claim, defense or
cross-demand, but merely to apprise his adversary fairly of
iwhat such claim, defense or crossdemand is to be.
“No ludgment should be set aside or new trial granted
for error as to any matter not involving the substantive law
pr the facts, that is, for error ns to any mutter of procedure,
Unless it shall appear to the that the error complained
»f has resulted in a miscarriage of justice.”
It is often said: “How few inventors gel the benefit of
their inventions.” The report of the committee on patent
(aw sheds a flood of light here. The uncertainty ami expen
tivencss of patent litigations gives a poor man no show as
The Texas legislature is
certainly queer. It’s bard
to classify. It has flea-like
tendencies. It does stums
against a rich antagonist. For instance, a chap tried to de
fend his patent on a washing machine and the lawyers ran
up a bill of costs of over $65,000. A patent may be valid
in one part of the country and invalid in another part of
the country through conflicting decisions.
The recognition that the United States is a nation ana
not a federation of independent states is emphasized by the
report of the committee on commercial law. It aims to se
cure uniform state legislation in the several states upon
the leading branches of commercial law. It started in with
the negotiable instruments act, which is now the law in
thirty-eight states and territories. Next came the ware
house receipts act, which is now the law in twenty states,
territories and districts. The later acts, consisting of a
sales acr, bills of lading act and transfer of stock act, are
slowlv making their way*, 'the purpose of these acts is to
facilitate business by having uniform laws to govern com
mereial transactions in every state of the union. In many
of these matters a certain and uniform rule is of greater
importance than is the rule itself.
A rural New Yorker has been choked to death by his
collar, co the coroner says. Deceased was a democrat, too.
What in thunder’s the use in counting on a republican split
in New York if the democrats have gone to wearing collars?
Doctors down east are crowing over having saved a
stabbed New York cafe waiter by taking seven stitches in
his heart. Couldn’t have been a heart; probably a mere
gizzard.
Cheer up. papa! you dear old motor power of perambu
lators! A national association of push cart peddlers has
seen incorporated. You're next!
Uncle Walt
The Poet Philosopher
Young Alexander Jimpson Jopp was working in a hard
ware shop, and as he wrapped up iron rails, and anvils, bolts
and kegs of nails, and knives and
THE DISSATISFIED serews and pigs of lead, he often to
CLERK
makes me tired, by jmgs! For 1
was built for higher things. I’m fitted to adorn the bench
instead of selling monkey-wrench, and spade and hoe and
tailor’s geese, and evil-smelling axle grease.” He loathed
the work he had to do, and cussed it till the air was blue.
Young Bichard Henry James Kerflopp was also working in
that shop; he carried anvils all the day, and as he toiled he
used to say: “There may be better jobs than this, impart
ing more ox ease and bliss, but I will do my tiest, and strive,
to show the boss that I’m alive; I may be built for higher
spheres, but I won't wet the shop with tears. If those
blamed spheres are hunting me, they’ll find me busy as a
bee.” Young Alexander Jimpson Jopp still sweats around
that hardware shop, and carries anchors to and fro, and
draws a paltry bunch of dough, while Bichard Henry sits
in state, wears hard-boiled shirts and pays the freight.
Copyright, 1810, by Georg* Matthew Adams ttxWlsvz
Letters From the People
ENDORSES STAND.
Waxahachie, Tex., Aug. 29, 1910.
Editor Light and Gazette San Antonio:
Dear Sir—Every patriot citizen of Texas ought to en
dorse the Light and Gaze He's action in turning on the light
at Austin. The reports the Light is now giving of legisla
tive proceedings have long been needed. I have often won
dered why some state paper did not expose some of the
chicanery that is practiced there. Keep up the good work:
Respectfully, W. A. OWNBY,
News Editor Waxahachie Light.
As Others View It
AMERICAN CAPITAL ABROAD.
American capitalists and manufacturers have
themselves in almost every part of the world upon a plan
that is quite characteristic of this country. Before England
invested very heavily in foreign enterprises or in foreign
countries she first made sure that the scene of her operations
would ultimately become a British colony. A map of the
world with the British colonies marked withh show at a
glance how thoroughly and consistently she followed this
plan. It is a rare thing to find in any part of the world, not
a British colonyor protectorate, any very heavy investment of
British capital.
American business men have proceeded upon an entirely
different plan, which is largely based upon the fact that
America needs no colonies, but relies almost wholly for her
protection upon a series of very liberal commercial treaties
with all the countries of the world, large or small. A review
of American commercial treaties is a revelation in this re
spect. It is almost impossible to name a country where com
mercial relations with the United States are not firmly estab
lished. Go where you will, you will find an advance guard
of enterprising Americans established and doing business.
The direct effect of this upin the extension of American
commerce is hard to specify in cold figures. But with the
knowledge-thus gained, the excellent -ystem of consular re
ports widely distributed over this country, it is doubtful
whether a more intimate and accurate knowledge of markets
and trade conditions is accorded to any other country. —•
Washington Post.
[ Pointed Paragraphs
A $5 bill is good only as far as it goes.
A man doesn't mind being bossed by his wife if he isn t.
Perhaps time is money because it manages to slip away so
fast.
An ideal woman is one who succeeds in concealing her im
perfections.
You may be as honest as the day is Jang, but the dais are
growing shorter.
The language of flowers is on tap when a barefooted boy
steps on a Aistle.
There are times when it is excusable for a musician to blow
about his business.—Chicago News.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
It’s much more serious for a girl to be bilious than love
sick. , ...
It’s harder for a mean man to spend money than it is for
a generous one to make it.
Champagne in a speaker never made him witty; sometimes
in his audience it makes them think he is.
Women deserve so much which they never can get that
some men seem to think it isn’t worth while giving them any-
thing. .
It takes a woman to be able, while she is saying tier pray
ers in church, to count all the buttons down the back of the
woman in the pew ahead aud not miss-one.—New York Press.
SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND GAZETTE
his fellows said: “This labor
— —- —— wwwww
ALL SORTS’I
Copyright. 1908. by I
Post Publishing Co. J
By NEWTON NEWKIRK. ;
Josh Wise Says:
“Th’ man who invented th’ weddin’
present ort also ter have invented
somethin’ yo could trade it fer.”
TO LET!
Dear Newt—The other day while
meandering through Pinckney street on
Beacon Hill I read the following sign
in the window of a lodging house:
TO LET
The Upper Part of Six Rooms.
Now, wouldn’t that get your goat!
Fanquil Hall Market. WHIT.
A Good Opening for Speculation.
Dear All Sorts—Why do cooks always
make holes in doughnuts when no one
ever eats the holes? I have asked sev
eral persons this question arid have re
ceived several more or less (mostly
less) satisfactory answers.
One says the cooks do not make the
hole—that the hole is already there and
they frame the doughnut around it.
Another maintains that doughnut lov
ers do not eat the hole, and yet when
I ask them to produce the holes that
are left as evidence of their argument
they cannot do so.
I think you will agree with me, how
ever, that after this question has been
threshed out pro and con the hole in
the doughnut does not help to fill the
hole in the human stomach.
That there are holes in doughnuts
there seems to be no doubt, and the
thought has occurred to me that in this
age of high food prices perhaps you
and I could make some commercial use
of the idea of utilizing doughnut holes
which would make us both rich.
Let me hear from vou.
Brockton, Mass. ‘DOUGH NUTT.
Those who maintain that the dough
nut is built around the hole are right. •
The fact that no hole remains after
the doughnut is eaten is no evidence
against this theory. Now you take
the hole in the doughnut and remove
the doughnut from around the hole and
you will notice, if you watch closely,
that the hole disappears, which is as it
should be. The doughnut hole, after all
restraint upon it is removed, becomes
absorbed by the air round it. and is!
again resolved into its original and na
tive element —the air. The air, my
dear sir, is full of all sorts and condi
tions of holes, but they are invisible
to the naked eye—unless the nude eye
has exceptionally good eyesight.
THE MODERN MAUD.
Maud Muller, on a summer’s day,
Climbed into her auto and sped away;
She raised the dust some down the
road—
Ran into a hay-cart and spilled the
load;
She passed the judge at the crossroads
spring-
Just missed his skin by the width of a
string;
“f»ee whizz,” quoth the judge, with
fear struck dumb,
“That Maudie girl is sure going some! ”
But Maud held the wheel and kept on
the track —
She giggled a gig, but she never look
ed back;
The next thing she struck was a milk
cart—say!
Well, she left in her trail a “Milky
Way.”
Maud saw a cow in the road ahead,
“Git out of the way, old Spot,” she
said.
But Spot stood still, until—bing! and
then —
Said Maud, “Well, beef’s going up
again.”
A farmer trudged along the road,
Traveling slow-ly, a la mode;
The farmer was deaf and didn’t hear
The “honk-honk!” which sounded in
his ear;
I'd like to place a sure-thing bet
That the farmer referred to hasn’t
“lit” yet;
But, alas for Maud, she passed a cop
Who waved his arms and hollered
Stop! ”
Maud she passed in her mad career-
Said the Cop, “Come to court with me,
mv deqf. ”
Maud Muller ne’er batted an eye or
flinched —
She only remarked, “O fudge. I m
pinched!” 8- M. R.
“THEN IT HAPPENED.”
(Our Daily Discontinued Story.)
Charlie Chesterton, the pride of the
Gimeraek gymnasium, was the star per
former at the annual exhibition of
tAt society. , . . ,
Suspended gracefully from a pair of
swinging rings, he sped to and fro in
space, while a group of admiring girls
gazed with pardonable pride upon Ins
lithe, agile frame, and gurgled in tern
i inine admiration.
Then came the crowning feat of the
performance, and the silence was
broken by vociferous applause.
But. ah! One of the ropes was bad
ly frayed, and
(The end.)
f • * T. E. Power!
Never
aM wife’s qoNt
ToThE COUNTRY
Observant Citizen
The man, or woman for that matter,
who leaves a horse standing these hot
sumir-r days without letting down the
check rein’ ought to be arrested and
fined, is what I think, and I suppose
there are many others in San Antonio
of the same opinion.
The other day 1 had occasion to
wait for a man in tn office on St.
Mary’s street between College and
Houston streets. I was there about a
half hour, and in that time I noticed
at least ten horses driven up to the
hitching posts, and not one of the driv
ers let down the check rein. One of
the drivers is a minister in charge of
one of the most influential churches
in the city. I thought surely he would
let down the check rein, but he acted
like the others—just forgot the poor
horse, letting him stand with his head
yanked up by a leather line. How can
a man be so thoughtless in the care of
his faithful horse?
SANANTOmO2IYEARSAGO
(From the Light Aug. 31, 1889.)
The eighth anniversary of the organ
ization of the uniform rank Knights
of Pythias was celebrated in grand
style at Muth's garden last night. The
committees having charge were as fol
lows: Reception, Sir Knights Blair,
Thavenat and Guessaz; floor, Sir
Knights George Mudd. William Kyp
fer and Ed Koerps; arrangements, Sir
Knights Henry Bennett, C. L. Sauer
and E. J. Thavenat.
• J. D. Newberry of Kenedy Junction
is in the city and says cotton is now
coming into the market rapidly and is i
of first class character. The yield for
his section will be an average of half
a bale to the acre.
Mrs. Peter Jonas Jr. and son re
turned today from Mound City, 111.,
where Mrs. Jonas has been visiting her
father for several months past.
Will Rote is now in charge of the
Belknap battalion.
The public schools will open next
Monday.
Mayor Callaghan returned from
Kansas City this morning. He wilt
be at the meeting of the city council
this afternoon.
L Mahncke, who has been ill for
several days, is reported improved.
The Banner Bowling club held a
meeting last night.
The county court will reconvene in
two weeks.
Messrs. Charles Meyer and Fred
Kautger have returned from Del Rio,
where they have been hunting and fish
ing.
Col. George Brackenridge has return
ed from a trip to Austin.
Mrs. Otto Buchel and children and
P. W. Buchel of Cuero are at the
Mahncke.
Col. M. L. Oppenheimer is in the
city.
The waterworks company is now at
work laying mains on Soledad street.
Texas Talk
A FIG FOR A FACTORY.
And now it’s the fig crop of
Southwest Texas that is going to
waste because preserving plant
facilities have not been able to
keep pace with increased orchard
acreage and production. A big
bundle of outside capital for invest
ment in canneries and other com
mercial plants would be very ac
ceptable. Lid suspicion and let
the factory smoke roll. Home capi
tal needs the inspiration of energet
ic outside dollars.—Fort Worth
Star-Telegram.
Don’t be impatient. The factories
will follow the figs.
NOT NOISELESS.
Let’s see: There have been ef
forts made in the legislature to
compel saloons to close earlier at
night, to forbid them at pH within
ten miles of school houses, and to
prevent treating. And yet it
would seem that the constitutional
amendment to prohibit them alto
gether which the democratic party
of the state has agreed to submit
should be broad enough to satisfy
most any kind of a prohibitionist,
not excepting the governor of
Texas, who appears to be pretty
much all kinds that have been
heard of. —Laredo Times.
Was there every any kind that was
not everlastingly and perpetually heard
from?
AT 19 PER.
King Cotton is making a
triumphal tour through Southwest
Texas, seeing that his subjects first
pay all debts and then make de
posits for future wants. The dry
weather may cut short his journey,
but while it lasts it will be one of
unwonted brillftincy. Cotton and
corn are indissolubly linked in the
farmer’s mind. —Gonzales Inquirer.
And the farmer with the cotton this
vear is the farmer that gets the coin.
Nineteen cents for August is certainly
rich picking. _
THEY KNOW.
The Texas house of representa
tives had enough life left to raise
a rough house Wednesday. The
question thaw caused the commo
tion was as to who was was the
biggest fool in the legislature.—
Yoakum Herald.
This is looking in the wrong pew
Trv the senate.
THERE'S A REASON.
Doesn't look so much like the
legislature will complete its work
in one week. —Galveston Tribune.
May complete its work, but it wil
not go hem*
AUGUST 31, 1910.
Little Stories
DIDN’T COOK ’EM RIGHT.
“Of all the tasteless, mussy, mu I
soaked, greasy fish in the world, the
German carp is the worst!” ejaculat
ed one of the piscatorial enthusiasts
seated about a tavern fire.
“They are all right if Cooke I
right,”' disputed another follower of
Isaak.
“Cooked right! Great leaping tar
pons! I’ve et ’em fried in the choicest
Jersey butter, broiled with the best
country bacon, baked with mountain
sage dressing, and toasted on a spruce
fork over a camp fire, and I tel! you
I never bit into a carp when it tasted
like anything fit to eat.”
“Now, the only way to cook a
carp,” continued the man with the re
cipe, “is to clean a nice five-pounder
carefully, slash it several times cross
wise, and Aisert bits of salt pork. Sea
son the whole with melted butter,
sprinkle it with pepper and salt, and
stuff with onion dressing. Then cut
a hemlock board two feet long, two
inches thick, and 10 inches wide. Lav
the fish on this and insert in a red
hot oven. Let the fish bake for 80
minutes; then take it out and turn it
over. Baste with butter and return
to the oven. After 20 minutes take it
out carefully, throw the fish away and
eat the board.” —Topeka Capital.
WHY SHE RETURNED.
Mrs. Johnson had gone away from
home, leaving Mr. Johnson disconso
late. On arriving at her destination
she missed her gold lace pin, and
wrote her servant, asking the girl >o
let her know if she had found anything
on the dining room floor.’
The servant wrote as follows:
“When sweeping the dining room, floor
this morning I foirtid 30 matches. 4
corks and a pack of cards.”
ACCORDING TO SOUND.
“I hope you will excuse my appear
ance,” said the father of an exceed
ingly obstreperous family as he de
descended from the nursery to greet
his friend, “but, to tell the truth, the
children and I have been having some
hot times upstairs.”
“I should have judged from tha
sounds that floated down.” replied ths
visitor, “that it was more of a whal
ing exposition.”
SAVED HIS LIFE.
A story is told of an Englishman
who had occasion for a doctor whila
staying in Peking.
“Sing Loo, gleatest doctor,” said
his servant; “he savee my lifee
once.”
“Really?” queried the Englishman.
“Yes, me tellible awful.” was the
reply; “me callee in another doctor.
He givce mo medicine: me velly, vellv
bad. Me callee in another doctor. He
come and give me more medicine
make me velly, velly badder. Me
callee in Sing Ixx». He no Come. H<
savee my life* ”