SAN ANTONIO LIGHT AND GAZETTE
Founded January 30, IML
Ernnlng Daily. Members Associated Press. Sunday Morning.
G D. ROBBINS Publisher
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LARGEST CIRCUUTION OF ANY PAPER IH SAN ANTONIO
Build to Brownsville
Last night's meeting at the Chamber of Commerce in
the interest of the proposed railroad to Brownsville was in
a way remarkable in that the men who were there—and
they represented the most solid citizenship of the city—
spoke plainly and emphasized in no uncertain terms the
need for the road.
From time to time golden-tongued promoters have come
to San Antonio and by means of specious promises gained
some support in their efforts to promote a line to the
Lower Rio Grande country, but unfortunately their efforts
have always come to naught.-That the need for the road
has existed for years has been an admitted fact, but not
until this moment has it ever seemed reasonably sure that
it would be built. Today the men who have the real good
of the city at heart are engaged personally in collecting
funds and promoting the railroad. This is the sort of pro
moting that counts —promoting by the men whose welfare
is bound up in the result of the work. They are not, how
ever, working for personal gain, but for the benefit of
100,000 people and every one of these 100,000 people ought
to put a shoulder to the wheel and render every ounce
of aid possible. San Antonio must have the railroad to
Brownsville: there is but one way to get it and that is
by concerted action on the part of the people. A score or
more of influential citizens' have started the movement,
carried it by hard personal work to the point where suc
cess is possible, and now with a rousing shove down the
line it will not be long before rail laying will begin.
Don't be a grouch: don’t hang back: don't wait to see
what the other fellow is going to do. Get in line yourself
and HELP. Be a live wire, be a progressive and show the
rest of the state that San Antonio's fame as a city that
does things is no misnomer.
Build the road to Brownsville is now the slogan.
- a
The bright young chief of the Austin Statesman's legis
lative staff writes of a recent occurrence at the capitol:
"In a solid phalanx of Bailey enthusiasm the crowd
marched down the stairs, making more noise than the
Japs made at Borodino.”
The general Impression is that Borodino was a battle
fought between the Russians and Napoleon's grand army
many years before the Japs broke into the limelight. Of
course, if the Statesman insists
4>—l
Mr. Yoakum says that he is just as much in favor of a
railroad between San Antonio and Brownsville as he ever
was. No one ever accused him of changing his mind.
Nonsense of the Wise
The doctors disagree as to the number of children the
average family ought to have, and Harvard doctors, at
that.
Dr. Eliot said: "A child every two years,” which would
produce an average of six per family, allowing for deaths.
Now Dr. Carver of the chair of economics, ad
vocating restriction of birthrate by law and saying:
“I think that legislation that would do away with the
large family of the poorer woman would make the ability
to have children a privilege. It would be a privilege to be
earned by merit. The result would be that a woman would
be proud to have children instead of considering them a
burden to be avoided.”
Deprive the poor of the right to have children, when
that's about all they are allowed to have now! Well,
well!
How could you enforce your law, anyhow, doctor? Ever
think of that? And did ft never occur to you that instead
of befud<S*g your brains trying to find a way to keep
poor folks from having children, it would be better to
make plans whereby there would ultimately be no poor
folks —or less of them?
The more the college professors talk about the grim
realities of life, the more reconciled we become to the
fact that a good many people don't have time to go to
some college.
The legislature won’t be fit for work for a week after
that scare Bailey threw into them.
Poor old China will "surrender completely to the Rus
sian demand. Of course. What can you expect of a coun
try where even the hens don't dare say their souls are
their own—six cents a dozen?
-— *
Build to Brownsville.
♦
Those Oklahoma Indian contracts have been white
washed now. We live in a truly virtuous world.
Troops Coming
Late yesterday afternoon orders wont out from the war
department for the movement of 20.000 troops to Fort
Bam Houston and the navy department has also ordered
InVhrnanrre of “ 18 Btated ,hat all » b ‘ B 18
In the nature of army and navy maneuvers, the greatest
ever attempted by the United States. The report that, the
object of this big movement of troops and ships is but
mimic warfare does not seem to satisfy some people in
eluding many army officers. Wild rumors flew throughout
the country last night and this morning In connection X
the army and navy orders and this morning found the
situation more clouded than ever. It was reported that
Intervention in Mexico would be attempted and again
came the report that the Japanese situation had a Hr
bearing upon the situation. At Fort Sam Houston all was
excitement and from the Atlantic to the Pacific the wires!
hummed with rumors and demals. Not one army or navw
officer knew that the order was coming, the secret being'
confined to the president, members of the cabinet and f
ficials of the army and navy departments. Orders f o ;
mobilization came like a thunder bolt. Ior
In spite of the positive assurances from the secretary
of war that this is but a test of the efficiency of army an t
iU ability to quickly gather largo bodies of trooT? at 1
given point reinforced by naval equipment, there are nlen
ty who see in it a deeper significance. P
• The armored erasers ordered to Galveston are the larg
est warships afloat except battleships * the dreadnought
and 16,000-ton class. They arc larg. r than anv vessel this
country had in the Spanish-American war, when our larg
est tlrst-class battleships were the Oregon and sister shins
•f 12.000 ton displacement. The Brooklyn, then our largest
arHiored cruiser, was little more than half the weight of
these fighting leviathans, while the Olympia, the largest
•hip Dewey had at Manila, would look like a tugboat
•lo.uraide ODe o f them-
TUESDAY,
Time for a Rest
There is every indication that the political peace of
Texas will be considerably jarred by a battle royal be
tween the friends of Culberson and Bailey and we are
to have all the "peerless leader, matchless statesman, mas
ter ■mind, constructive genius, giant intellect" stuff pulled
out of the pigeon holes and smeared all over the land
scape again. Keep the row out of Texas. If there must be
a fight let Washington be the battleground and the mem
bers of the United States senate be the referees and the
people the audience. Texas has had enough fighting, claw
ing. blaspheming and blasted friendships from the Bailey
business and needs a rest. Bailey's friends are the sort who
feel that they must be on their feet shouting the master's
praises all the time or they may be accused of disloyalty
to the god of Gainesville. More friendships have been
split, more homes wrecked by the Bailey controversy
which may never be settled, than the most ardent pro
would lay at the door of the demon rum.
Let Texas go its way and forget Bailey for a while and
peace, quiet and prosperity’ will settle upon the land. In
tensive cultivation of the anti-Bailey movement will result
only in disaster, bitter feeling and heaven only knows
what other troubles The friends of the Junior senator are
so pesterously loyal that they become tiresome to folks
who thinks that Bailey is Just human. It has been admit
ted that no anti-Bailey men are going to be driven Into the
gulf and that Bailey is going to stay in the senate for at
least two years, so let’s drop the matter and leave the
nation at large to decide which of the two Texas senators
most faithfully reflects the spirit of the people. That will
mean a surcease of sorrow until 1913 and lots of things
may happen when trouble Is shoved out of the way for
two years.
In the vernacular, "isn't It time to cut it out.”
Women of Chicago strew flowers in the path of Lorimer
who honor him and bows condescendingly to the men who
and "Blonde Bill" smiles and nods graciously to the ladies
bid him welcome home. To read of such a greeting for
such a man as Lorimer, makes the average decent man
blush with shame for his countrymen. He was elected by
fraud and every one knows it whether admitting it or not.
Well, people in jails get flowers, too.
♦ —
New York club has unanimously resolved that fat men
are more virtuous, lovable and handsome than any other
sort. P. 8.: It was the Fat Men's club.
Ruth St. Denis, the dancer, says she is going to live to
be 100 years old, because she wears no corsets and “will
continue to be underdressed."
«
St. Louis man who went to Europe with $lO,OOO to spend
on hls holiday got broke in Paris and paid hls
passage home by peeling potatoes in the steerage. And he
said he was the happiest man in the ship, at that.
— 4
Five hours were required for the funeral of Paul Singer,
the socialist leader, to pass through the Bradenburg gate
in Berlin. Rather suggestive of political funerals to come!
■
Latest device for the amusement of the Idle rich is a
cowgirl colony In New Mexico. All of ’em will get health
and excitement, while some may get husbands and be
come useful.
4.
England’s heir apparent is down with plain, ordinary,
democratic measles.
♦
Strike of models in Philadelphia was natural enough, as
models are usually somewhat striking. It by no means
follows that they know how to conduct a model strike.
♦—
Japan's hilarity over that treaty is pretty good evidence
that she got the big end of the deal.
+
Caruso has lost his voice again and is at Atlantic City
greatly worried. It would almost pay Enrico to keep a
standing ad in our "Lost and Found” columns.
Carnegie says he has made*4s millionaires, but it is sig
nificant that he has switched off to libraries.
♦
Buchtel college girls at Akron, 0., gave a luncheon to an
ape and their folks are mad about it. The girls had no
business to make It an exclusive affair.
The Red Corpuscle
It is vain for any of our readers to request Mr. How
coodu Dooit to mail them advance proofs of his great
serial. The chapters must be read in The Red Corpuscle
or not at all. In one instance, and one only, has this
rule been broken. From a man in Gravestone, Arizona,
Mr. Dooit received the following plaintive appeal:
“I am going to steal a horse next Friday and if caught
lam certain to be lynched. I could not bear this to hap
pen without knowing how 'The Thumbless Hand' turned
out, so If you send me proofs of the last chapter by Thurs
day I shall be under a lifelong—or daylong—obligation to
you. Address Pete the Swipe, Purple Pup Saloon, Grave
stone, Ariz.”
THE THUMBLESS HAND.
A Thrilling Tale of Oriental Mystery, Intrigue and
Adventure.
(By Howeoodu Dooit.)
Synopsis of First Lap—Snuggs Is awakened by a China
man who has entered his room. The intruder flees, but
finger prints near the edge of a table indicate that the
thumb is missing from hls right hand. Jorklns, a red
headed Englishman, meets Snuggs at his door.
“Did he get it?" asked Jorklns.
Snuggs started. How much did Jorklns know?
"Get what?” responded Snuggs.
“What he was after,” calmly answered Jorklns.
“I haven’t missed it—-that is, I haven't missed any
thing,” Snuggs said, and he proceeded to hunt through
the shrubbery In which the Chinaman had disappeared.
Quickly he drew his magazine pistol and pointed it at
a rosebush. “Come out,” he cried.
A Chinaman emerged, holding up his hands.
The thumb was gone from his right hand.
“Where's your thumb?" asked Snuggs.
“In Canton." said the Chinaman. “I got a divorce from
It with a cleaver in the hanss of a crazy Portuguese.”
“Come with me,” said Snuggs, and with the captive he
proceeded to the house, followed by Jorklns, who repeated
at Intervals the words “bally fool."
Hardly had they gone ten paces when they almost
ste, d upon another Chinaman, lying behind an Imported
scrambled eggplant.
As the man tried to rush away, Snuggs saw that hls
right hand was also thumbless!
Jorklns chuckled hoarsely.
(To Be Continued.) •
POEMS OF ACTION.
(Written by some of the most actionable poets in America.)
A monoplane dropped into the sea.
I rejoice that the monoplane didn't hold me.
A man whose legs had a funny kink
Went skating around the St. Nicholas rink;
When he tried to turn he tangled his toes.
And he finished the round on the tip or his nose.
One train was rushing toward the west.
And one was rushing back;
This pome has lots of action, since
Both trains were on one track.
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
King George will be crowned in June. In the meantime
he wears a hat.
The skin of a silver fox is worth $5OO, but even at that
price the fox Is reluctant to part with it.
Edison Is now trying to breed a hen which will lay
eggs and bacon.
The Bahamas wish to enter the Dominion of Canada.
Moorings might be found for them among the Thousand
Islands.
(By Wex Jones.)
SAN ANTONIO LIGHT
All Sorts
Copyright, 1911, by
Post Publishing 00.
By NEWTON NEWKIRK.
MORE FACTS WANTED.
Dear “All Sorts”—l'll bet this one
sticks you: To the corner of a barn
20 feet square, with a rope 50 feet
long, is tied a goat. How many
square rods of ground can he graze
over? R. P. M.
Seguin, Tex.
When you slip a knotty one over
to me, “R. P. M.,” why don’t you give
all the Important details? How can
you expect me to solve an Intricate
problem of this sort when you hold
back information concerning It which
Is of the gravest importance to the
arithmetician? Nqw it you had given
me the little essentials of this prob
lem I could solve it without resort
ing to algebra, violence, or brute
force—l could solve it by mental
arithmetic by focussing on it, for the
nonce, my forty horsepower intellect
ual searchlight.
Are you quite sure this was a goat
tied to the end of the rope Instead of
a sheep? If so, whose goat was it?
Did this goat belong to the man who
owned the barn or was it somebody
else’s goat which the barn owner had
got? The reason I ask is because if
this were a goat he could easily eat
the posters on the side of the barn
and then graze on the shingles of the
roof.
What kind of a rope was it with
which the animal was tied, and did
the rope have any twists or kinks n»
It?
Are you quite sure you want the
answer in square rods, square yards,
square feet or square inches? I have
in stock these four varieties of meas
urement and can give you your choice,
you know.
How long was this goat’s neck,
please, and what was its sex? A
lady goat's neck, you ought to know.
Is longer than a William goat’s neck
and for this reason a lady goat at the
end of a given length of rope can
graze over more territory.
If you will kindly clear up these
little details which doubtless seem in
significant to it will give me
much pleasure to solve this problem
for you in such a lucid and transpar
ent manner that will bo obvious to
even your feeble intellect.
Persons frequently hold back nec
essary Information in cases like this
and then because I don't give a solu
tion right off the bat tney whisper
about to their friends their opinion
that I can’t solve the problem and am
simply sparring for time. I hope you
are not that kind of a person, “R. P.
M.”
CASH FARE COURTESY.
A young lady whose front name is
Susie complains in a petulant voice
because street car conductors are not
more courteous. She says:
"The other day on a car when 1
handed a conductor my fare he never
even thanked me, but took It as a
matter of course. Do you not think
that conductors ought to at least say
'Thank you’ when they receive
fares?”
Street car conductors, Susie, seem
to have enough troubles Of their own
without adding to their burdens. As
a rule passengers hold them respon
sible for all the drawbacks of trolley
transportation. If a car is crowded,
if there are not enough hang-straps
to go ’round, if there is a blockade,
or If a fuse burns out, the conductor
Is the one who gets cussed. If the
car is too hot, too cold, too open or
too close, It’s the conductor’s fault.
The conductor, you know, does not
own the street car line, neither
does he run it for his own profit—he
is merely an employe of the man
higher up. If a conductor was to
thank passengers for every fare paid
him he would soon wear out his
thanker. Frankly, I can see no rea
son why a street car conductor should 1
return thanks every time he gets a
nickel —unless, of course, he is knock
ing down fares, in which case the,
least he should do would be to express
his gratitude for the small contribu
tions handed him.
FOR SALE.
Fifteen year old Rhode Island hens,
in good condition and laying. Apply
at Enterprise office.
—Lisbon Falls (Me.) Enterprise.
There is something pathetic in the
above advertisement to me.
If I were the owner of a covey of
hens 15 years old in good condition
and still laying, do you suppose I’d
offer them for sale? No! —1000 times.
No!
If I owned a hen that had delivered
the goods to me for fifteen years, day
in and day out, I’d say to her, “Hen,
you have seen your duty and done it.
For fifteen years you have provided
me my morning omelet and there
isn’t money enough in this nock of
woods to buy you. ' Listen, Hen-*-I
am going to retire you on full pay.
Go thou and lay no more, but rather
spend the sundown of your life In
dilatory restfulness and let not your
cackle again be raised in triumph.”
The very idea of selling a hen that
has been faithfully on the job for fif
teen years! Why, she ought not even
have to scratch for a living. Her
meals ought to be carried to her on
the roost and she ought to have a li
cense to dig in anybody's garden.
There really ought to be an Old
Hens' Home for aged and Indigent
hens, who have evolved henfruit for
fifteen years.
Daily Birthday Party
The Uncle Sam States of America
have produced a number of wizards—
flowers that Burbank has turned out
from hls California ranch would make
your eyes stick out. Burbank is 62
years old today
the kind that make
two dollars grow
where only 30 cents
grew before. But
they are all going to
be forgotten some
day and the real,
certified. govern
ment Inspected, 99
per cent pure wiz
ard will get the
recognition due
him. The wizard is
Luther Burbank,
the father of many
kings and queens
in the vegetable
world. A list of
the wonderful new
fruits, nuts, veg
etables. grains and
OVOO<XXK>VOOOO<X>OOOO<HXXXXXX>OOOOO<XXXX><XXXKKX>
THE TEMPTATIONS OF SMITH!.
As Others View It
W ILL POMPADOUR
IT LIKE BOB'S.
At any rate. Senator LaFollette has
managed to give out the impression
that he has something up his sleeve
which is calculated to curl the long
hair of a certain blond senator. —Chi-
cago Tribune. —■
GOING TO WAIT
FOR GABRIEL’S TRUMP.
"Mrs. Ballinger will return to her
1 home in Seattle the middle of March,”
says a Washington society note. But
I Ballinger stays. — Louisville Courier-
Journal.
MUST HAVE A CILXMP CLARK. TOO
If you want anything really funny'
about the designs of the United States!
on Spanish America you can always ’
get it in Berlin. —New York World.
FAME THRUST UPON HIM.
—
The lost little boy who was found by
Colonel Roosevelt will never lose him
self again nor his sense of importance.
—Baltimore America.
ADDING INSULT TO INJURY,
The cementing of friendship with
Japan naturally Is very distressing to
the feelings of Mr. Hobson.—Pittsburg
Gazette-Times.
NOT AS IN NOCENT AS HE LOOKS, i
In Washington recently Champ
Clark was mistaken for a minister. He
wasn't talking at the time.—Chicago
Record-Herald.
THEIR SENTIMENTS ALSO. ’
Other tourists will understand Mrs.
Longworth’s cable to Loeb, consisting
of the word: "Pig."—Boston Tran
script.
LOOKS MORE LIKE EXECUTIONER
Is Senator Aldrich being called in in 1
his capacity of consulting physician,
or coroner? —Washington Post.
CAN HE RESCUE "MY POLICIES?”
Colonel Roosevelt “rescued" a lost
child on Broadway recently. Can you
beat It? —Pittsburg Leader.
LEFT HIS ORDERS FOR THEM.
Perhaps J. P. Morgan told Wall
street how to cut up while he was
away.—Atlanta Constitution.
GET THEM. ANYWAY.
A Chicago girl has gone west to
marry an Indian. It isn't so very long
since the boys were going west to shoot
Indians. How times change!—Chicago
News.
CARRYING IT TO AN EXTREME.
Andrew Jackson Graham, candidate
tor mayor of Chicago, promises. "I’ll
rob no one.” Candidates are getting
more and more radical.—Cleveland
Leader.
TO BE SURE.
"Lunatics voted for Joe Cannon.”
save a Danville, 111., dispatch. Well,
what Is there strange about that?—
Boston Transcript.
HIGHLY DESCRIPTIVE.
Another time one hesitates to cor
rect the proof Is when the llnotyper
sets It as "bunquet”—New York Mall.
Ooprrtriit. uni, br Ster Cemseny.
One day a man with a downcast face blew Into the village grocer"*
place. “I’ve dealt with you many moons," he said; "I've bought your codfish
and prunes and bread, and I always paid when I said I
VARIOUS would, and you doubtless know that my credit's good. Now
MERCHANTS. I’m out of work and without a dime, and I’d like to buy 3
few things on time.” And the grocer sold him a lot of
truck, and hoped he soon would have better luck. He told his tale to the
butcher, then, at the dry goods store, to the clothing men; they all remem
bered that he had paid, and they were pleased when they got his trade; and
now that luck for a time had changed, he found no one of these men
estranged. They sold him things In their stately stores, and wished him luck
when he left their doors. And then the man of the luckless star dropped
in at last at the booze bazar. He told his tale; he was all. all In, but wanted
credit for beer and gin. His coat was fanned by the barkeep s feet, and
he bounced two yards when he hit the street.
Copyright. 1910. by Georgs Matthew Adama
Observant Citizen
The dog—a cur cayudle of low an
cestry-discovered the bug at the cor
ner or San Pedrc. and Macon street.
*>s. a , most Interesting bug. one of
L.X klnd ’ °nly a
bugoloKist can classify. The bug lav
nl "? J unable to turn over, flop-
P ng helplessly with legs clawing the
Wa “ certa| nly In some predic
am “ni.
u jim-dandy diversion for
LH t He ra,sed hU ' olc e in Klee
lenlth P ’ pranced sideways and
vlnnine an- Clr ? Hns around and yip
huge"v' He nJ^‘ n,r the Proceeding
on g »n d up to ,hp bug
fours, get within a couple of
he wculd tear*"’ ,<ke a dog Pressed,
turning to "around half a block, re
enemy* K t ° Ver a Prostrate
alo^ Mt JJ* the man camp
*rian fnn de "tly ho was a humanl
an. for on sight of the bug. with
the gleeful dog. he assumed a rumi
native demeanor and watched pro
ceedings. Finally—
"lt’s a shame that bug can't turn
Fd ,lke to see what happens."
The man got a stick and turned the
bug over. He wanted to see what
would happen. He saw.
The bug. able now to navigate on
its own hook, cutstretched Its wings
and flew Into the dog's face. Its long
claws twisted in the dog's muzzle.
There never was such a surprised
dog. The transition from gleeful yelps
to doleful howls occupied less than
an instant. Then the dog, true to hls
plebian nature, sought refuge In
flight.
It was, perhapa unfortunate that
he chose the exact angle at which the
man was standing, laughing Immod
erately. It may have been poetic jus
tice. or canine cussedness, but the
fact remains that the dog went di
rectly between the man's legs, hitting
each as he passed. The man assumed
a seated petition on the pavement He
came down with a jar.
It is not proper to print blasphem
ous language.
Dog, with bug. disappeared at a
2:40 gait around the corner.
Many laughed—but not the human
itarian who turned the bug.
Strolling into the Southern Pacific
ticket office yesterday afternoon I
witnessed a performance that to me
at lea.-t was unique.
A had purchased a ticket to
MARCH 7, 1911.
Uncle Walt
The Poet Philosopher
(From the Llfht, March 7. 1890.)
The usual Lenten fasting and ab
stinence will not be observed thlß
year by special dispensation of Pope
Leo.
The charming voices of Misses Mary
Hernandez and Lula McAllister will
be heard at the Llberati concert.
Joe Gallagher is thinking of going
back to his old trade—laying little
blocks of burnt clay.
.AJ re L ght en K in c ran off the track
'at the Sunset depot yesterday after
noon.
The Crosstown Is putting In a curve
at the corner of Grand avertue and
Austin street.
The Southern Pacific is filling In
Austin street with cinders in front of
the passenger depot
J- Nichols, the old conductor of
the Sap railway, Is In the city.
The Illinois Editorial , association
passed through the city over the In
ternational & Great Northern rallwav.
»k° Ut A. bac ? hon,e from tb eir trip
to the City of Mexico.
nt the Jokers are re
2rf«Jr d to tbe s P r| ngs tomorrow
afternoon at 3 o'clock for practice.
Captain Nat Zulsbacker has retum
cd from his trip to New Orleans and
Is stopping at the Maverick.
* Martha Washington tea ifcarty
- a ‘,,s lv S? * n ths Sunday school room
'Lk?! F bine Methodist church last
r<,iL. T oun * People's society of
Christian Endeavor. x
some distant point and forthwith pro
ceAdtd tc extract the money with
which to pay for it. The initial art
was to raise her outer skirt. "Got *.
heavens.” thought I, "does she keep
her bank account In her stocking ”
for I had heard that such was some
times the custom among the femlnir 1
seif. Therefore I discreetly turned n r
eyes away for a moment.
pn next I raised them I foun 1
that the woman was delving into a
stout leather bag that hung suspend 1
a little below her knee. It had a fat.
prosperous appearance and as I
watched her, her hand emerged frota
the depths tightly clutching a roll of
bills and numerous gold aagßs;
enough It seemed to me to have
served as an adequate reserve fund
, r a strong bank. After paying the
right amount she jammed her wealth
Into its place of keeping and marched
out of the office, the gold coins male
ing sweet music as they merrily lin*
gled in their security
21' Years Ago