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Palestine daily herald. [volume] (Palestine, Tex.) 1902-1949, May 27, 1910, Image 6

Image and text provided by University of North Texas; Denton, TX

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86090383/1910-05-27/ed-1/seq-6/

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SHE COULD KEEP
A SECRET
By ELBERT T BENTLEY
Copyright 1910 by American Press
Association
Ive got the confoundedest wife you
ever saw
What do you mean by the word
confoundedest It conveys no mean
ing to me
Thats the reason I apply It to my
wife She is beyond the pale of defini
tion
Do you use the word opprobrious
lyrBy no means Shes a jim dandy
Oh youve got something on your
mind something she has been doing
Get it off and have done with it
Right you are and when Ive told
you youll agree with me that eon
foundedest is the best word by whili
to describe her Von know ivh live in
the country and Im a commuter My
monthly commutation ticket costs me
2450 I nave always been used to
carrying my ticket in my hat Its
very convenient you know I place
It between the lining and the crown
If I put it in my portemonnale which
I carry in my hip pocket when Im
hurrying to my train loaded down with
the bundles which all commuters are
condemned to carry I havea hard
time getting it out from under my
coat If it is In my hat 1 can get at
it very easily Theres a ferry at the
city end of the route where the ticket
must be punched Formerly com
muters were only required to show
their tickets and we used to just lift
our hats to the gateman and he
could see the ticket It was comical
to see a long line of passengers taking
off their hats politely to the gatemaru
But the practice must have concealed
some skullduggery for the officers >
of the line stopped It and now we all
must have pur tickets punched
Anyway I always carry my ticket
in my hat Well one morning when I
went to the city I felt for my commu
tation ticket and it was gone It was
one Id Just bought and its loss in
volved nearly S24 Thinking I might
have put It In one of my pockets I
ransacked them all It wasnt in anj
ofthem I searched the floor but
there was nothing there At last 1
gave it up and paid my fare
My wife is a very economical wo
man and considers me the perfection
of carelessness I knew if I told her of
my loss she wouIdscold me for both
wastefulness and carelessnes I made
up my mind to get on the best I could
for awhile paying my fare out of the
loose change I carried till the end of
the month when I would buy a new
ticket It was no use A few morn
ings after my lo s as I was going out
my wlfcgave me the customaryskissj
4tfthe same tifflehandlng menny uau
fine looked Inside and not seeing the
ticket felt for It
Why dear she exclaimedt 1
thought you always carried your com
mutation ticket in yonr hat
Uwas obliged to confess I hadjost
it My wife said I told you so If you
had kept It In your pocketbook as I
always advised you to do you wouldnt
have lost it Theres 24 gone enough
td buy me a spring hat with three big
ostrich feathers
I hurried away ostensibly to catch
the train but really to escape a scold
ing and since It would be cheaper t <
commute even with the loss of font1
days than to pay single fares I bought
a new ticket I kept It in my pocket
book in my hip ni et with a lot ol
memoranda cards etc my cash for
dllly expenses being in my vest pock
et I had no trouble for a month when
I bought auotbertleket On the 4th ofi
the month when I was getting readj
to go to the city I clapped my hand to
my hip to make sure my ticket was
there and behold portemonnaie tick
et and all were gone Somebody must
have picked my pocket
I thought my wife would cry Vif
ty dollars gone in two months she
moaned Were going right down Into
the poorhouse Why will you be so
careless V
If Id kept it in my hat I snap
ped It would not have been lost I
put it wnere you told me to put it and
there you are
Go and buy another one slie said
We cant afford to have you spending
forty or fifty dollars a month to save
524Well
Well to make a long story short in
six months I lost live commutation
tickets What had brought about such
bad luck I couldnt tell Id commute
for seven years and ilevei before lost
a ticket Thinking some one might In
robbing me some ol the servants I
told my wife when I Inst the l t tick
et that I was going to put a detciii
in the house
My dear she replied Mf I saj
something to you will you scold ineV
Certaiuly not pet tire away
Well Ive been robbing yon ntv
your commutation tickets
I nearly fellIn a faint
You know Tom Edwards financia
man for B Co Well Tom gave mi
a tip on some stock that was going t <
be cornered shorts squeezed am1
ailthat He said If Id give him 10 <
hed put me in with the pool lint I
must keep the secret I hadnt the
money but I raised It a bit here and
a bit there using your tickets which 1
got redeemed at the railroad office
The pool sold out yesterday and Tom
has sent me a check for 1000
What do you think of that eh 7
Isnt that confoundedest
Bats The pith of your story is that
your wife kept the secret
From me
a dinner in New York the frequency jjr
of American divorce said with a
smile
I shant be surprised if thej di
vorcemovement keeps on to see in
the papers a new style of obituary
Peter H Harris the well known
broker lost his wife last Saturday by
divorce No flowers
Wsfiti = r > fi
Herald Want Ads bring results
j
Not merely a light cigar but mild too
mild alhhrough The same gentle flavor v I
the same delightful quality in the filler A
as well as the vrapper i
Made of tobacco mild by nature not
harvested green and harsh for the sake 1
of color but ripened in the fields and cured I
in the warehouse before it reaches the
maker s bench
There isnt a sore throat or a heartstart
in a lifetime s supply
1
Is half the size and half the price Leaf
and labor alike Simply reduced in lengtli
and cost to give you a really good andaj
really mild smoke fpr a nickel
The Robert Burns when youve plenty
of leisure and Little Bobbie when youi
v
time is limited The same stores sell both
BEST 4 RUSSELL CIGAR CO Distributors Memphis Term
Dr C at
New Style Obituary
II Paikhurst Ianfenting
The Awakening
I had a wonderful experience said
Uliggins I smelled beefsteak
and mushrooms and glancing I into
the dining room I saw the table laden
with eggs and fowl and all sorts of
Then I heard the dinner
viands
bell I
That meant glad tidings
No It wasnt really the dinner
bell I J was the alarm clock Wash
ington Star
SS eft yr ssTas V1
j j
LITTLE LOCAL FACTS
J
A A A
V V V V V
A
Buy Your Suit From Flanaaan
The Heralft printery for good work
See us for Electric Light Globes
Sllliman Hardware Co 2C5t
Cake Sale at the Grand Leader to
morrow
See us for Electric Light Globes
Sllliman Hardware Co 265
Remember the cake sale at the
Grand Leader Saturday
Give us your orders for Electrit
Light Globes Sllliman Hdw Co
Read the Lejhe Piano company
ad It is to your interest if you wan
a piano bargain Read it
Dewberries and blackberries for pre
serving Phone your orders to
10C3 26lt
Reduce your electric bill by using
Tantalum arid Tungsten Globes Sil
liman Hardware Co 2C51
Mound Pit I ilnts mav cost a trifl
more but rfilliiimu Hdw Ore
Co M27521
Reduce your electric bill by usinr
Tantalmi and Tungsten Globes Sil
liman Hardware Co 2G5
Read the Ley lie Piano companys
ad It is to your interest if you wani
1 piano bargain Read it
We pay1 the big price for second
land firniture Dobbs Furniture
ompany 48ti
Give us your orders for Electric
Light Globes Sllliman Hdw Co
No shining of shoes on Sunday on
account of Sunday law enforcement
Hughes Word 513lm
Read the Leyhe Piano companys
ad It is to your interest if you want
a piano bargain Read it
Some of the best cakes ever baked
will be offered for sale at the Grand
Leader tomorrow by the ladies of the
Christian church Order your Sunday
cake from them
of coal near his home and in some
manner he became buried under the
coal and was suffocated With him
at play was his pet goat and when
the boys mother started in search of
her boy she saw the goat run toward
the pile of coal and bleating piteously
The actions of the goat appeared
strange to her for she knew that the
boy and the goat had always been to
gether When she called for her boy
and received no response she regard
ed the goats actions as significant
and sent for her husband When the
latter arrived the goat stood still over
the pile of coal and began to paw
with its feet Soon a force of men
was at work removing the coal and in
thIs manner the lifeless body of the
little boy who had left his mother
only a few minutes before a cheerful
happy little child was found
NOTES OF INTEREST
Patten retires from business and
wheat makes rematkahle declines
Taft is severely censured by the
house democrats and he is not per
mitted to draw on next years travel
ing allowance
John Adlclns will be hanged today at
Perryville Ark for murdering his
brotherinlaw
The federal courts special master
at St Louis says the Interstate Com
merce Commission rates on cattle are
not confiscatory
The Interstate Cotton Seed Crush
ers Association at Little Rock has
adjourned
Three hundred Jewish families have
been expelled from Kiev
An Ungallant Outlook
Again the ungallant outlook of
some husbands causes divorce said
exGovernor Ponnypacker in a witty
afterdinner speech in Philadelphia
it is amazing what an ungallant
outlook some men have I said one
day to a Rucks county farmer
Have you got a wife Hans
Why yes to tell the truth I
have Hans answered For the little
hit the critters eat it aint worth a
mans while to be without one
Why Get Married
Spinster Jane was being condoled
with because she had no husband
Save your pity she said inde
pendent I have a dog who growls
a parrot that swears a lamp that
smokes and a cat that stays out
nights Why now should I get mar
ried
Herald want ads pay
s
Mmwbme fn rf iTnn
HS4PSsygi
President Taft and Governor fiuj
Pose For Their Picture
Sf
People throughout the country are waiting anxiously to see what stand
Governor Charles
Evans Hughes will take regarding the Standard Oil and
tobacco trust cases nt present pending decision in the United States supreme
court Governor Hughes will not take his otlice until Oct 1 While u pro
test was filed by tli Aniitrifct League or the United States with the seuntp
against continuing his nomination Governor Hjighes was given the official
O K without any protest on the part of the senators
ake Ironing
Pleasant VorR
uskig a
trie Iron 5
Ask For One On Trial
Connect it to any lamp socket turn on the cur
rent and you are ready for work The whole iron
fog surfacestays hot as long as you want jt hot
Palestine ESectriG Ice
Company
FENT
Save Trouble
and Expense
THE PLUMBERS
PRICE
Buffalo Pure Ribbon Cane Syrup
Georgia Pure Ribbon Cane Syrup
Gnc Tea per pound
Best Ceylon Bud Tea per pound
Regular 3 pounds for 100 Coffee per pound
5pound Bucket Cooking Oil
as well as sickness and possi
bly loss of life by having your
plumbing done right
We are not tinner3 we hire
tinners we are not black
smiths orrestanrant men we
are not bankers or farmers
All we know is plumbing
and we know thatfrom A toZ
B U R TJ S
65c
60c
40c
SI 20
26c
60c
For the Kitchen
we carry a line of goods of the best
quality at very low prices Strong
servicable Furniture that will do full
duty for years
The Best in Rang
is found ight here A fii
and light consumer of fuej
Our line of Oil Cloths U
an inspection Also ea
furniture for old
Buy NdW Pi
W MITCHELL The Furniture Mai
Phone 782 SI8 Spring
Ml
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