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F m ■ •! m M If the scandals lately unveiled la the federal printing office have the effect of calling attention generally to the magnitude of the business carried on by this branch of the government ] and the need of putting it on a busi- J ness basis, they will have served a useful pu rpose. Like other branches' of the administration, the printing of fice, starting ns a modest enterprise, has expanded beyond nil expectation, I until It now constitutes a business as S groat ns that carried on by some of tho larger corporations. The figures presented by W. 8. Rosslter, of the Census Bureau, In the current num ber of the Atlantic show In detail this surprising growth. In 17!Mi the na tion's printing hill was $8,785. Gov ernment publications were few and comparatively rude. Last year Ilia amount expended for printing was ÏT, 080,000, and this expenditure Is In creasing. If Mr. Hosslter's estimate Is correct, the government printing done In tho present decade will cost more than $00,000,000. The need or utility of so vast an outlay Is open to question. There Is good ground for tho suspicion that many of the ponderous tomes turned out of the nation's prlnt ery, to be stowed away on top shelves, are of little service to anyone, tendency to regard this branch of tho government ns legitimately education al, however, seems to he growing, and the demand tor elaborate reports on nil manner of subjects, from the forests and fisheries to Insect pests and the pedigrees of Indian tribes, seems great er than ever. Tho The assembling of 15,000 veterans lu Denver at the Grand Army encamp ment was a big thing in Itself. Only n few live within the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, and nine tenths of them hud to travel long distances by rail, steamer and stage to reach tho leading town of Colorado. Then the wearers of the blue had a line of march which required nearly four hours to cover. Only a few fell out on account of fatigue. Thousands of them past 70 marched with erect car riage and firm step, to tho wonder and delight of the 300,000 spectators, who kept up a fusillade of cheers and hanrt clnpplng ns long as there was an old soldier to applaud. Yet tho Internecine conflict closed forty years ago. other nation has anything to compare with this soldierly longevity? one could turn out 15,000 to march lu a hot sun—men who had quit fighting twoscore yours before? None! Tho American soldier Is the most robust that ever trod the earth. When wo consider tho hardships of campaign ing from 1801 to 1805, the marvel la that any of Us participants are alive, still leas able to endure a long and fatiguing march In old age. When It comes to vigor lu national defenders, the world takes off Us hat to tho Irre pressible Yankee. What What Tho pension roll reached tho maxi mum In its history on Jan. 21 last, tha number being 1,004,111(1. passed the million mark In September of last year and gradually Increased for tho next four months. The decline began with the first of last February, and by the following May had dropped below the million mark. These facts are developed In u synopsis of the an nual report of Penslou Commissioner Warner, covering the operations of hls office for the fiscal year ending June 80 last. At the eud of the year the number of pensioners had declined to 008,441, net Increase for the year of 8,879. Tho report shows tho following additional facts; During tho year the bureau Issued 185.242 pension certifi cate». of which number over 50,000 were originals. The annual value of the pension roll on June 80, 1905, was $130,745,205. value" Is meant the amount of money required to pay the pensioners then ou the roll for one year. roll By tho term "annual Fifty thousand applications were filed by men aud women seeking po sitions In the government service dur ing a period of six mouths, said an official of the Civil Service Commis sion the other day. These applications were made between Jan. 1 and Juno 30 of this year. Of this number about 45,000 took the examination. As a rule, something like 10 per cent of the people who file applications fall to take tho examination. The Idea some people have that there Is but u small chance to get Into the govern ment service through the medium of a competitive examination Is contrary to statistics. Thirty-five per cent of the applicants who puss the examinations are appointed. Last year 120,000 ap plicants appeared for examination. On« hundred thousand of them passed and 48,000 of these were appointed. Tho average ago of those appointed was 28 years. Postmasters throughout the coun try must pay their debts or retire from the public service. Worried beyond endurance by the army of collector* seeking the payment of debts contract ed by clerks In the department, tha Poatraaster General Issued an order In which ho announces that the depart ment "will not harbor anyone who contract* a debt on the strength of hls official position and then, without sufficient excuse, neglects to make pay ment." Acting Postmaster General Shallen berger Issued an order excluding from the malls for Canada thirty-eight monthly and weekly publications un less postage Is prepaid by means stamps at the rates for third-class mat ter In the domestic malls. The mag azines had previously been circulated at the publishers' rate of postage, but the postal administration of Canada baa advised the department that circu lation at that rate would not be lowed to the publications If they wer« printed in that dominion. Magazine« lu eleven States are affected. ; * ♦ : AM OPPORTUNE PRAYER. The returned summer visitor asked "the squire" bow Grecndale folks liked the young minister. "He's all right, ma'am," the squire returned, emphat ically. "Preaches twenty-minute ser mons and arranges tUs pariah visits In advance." "Oh, I see; he's In wholesome awe of the natives." "You neV er made a greater mistake | n your mH 'am.'* the squire de P ) are< ], "jjé's the religious supervl H(jr 0 f soul In town. Even Hen Rolling," The summer visitor looked her in terest, and the squire went on: "He got the upper hand of rien That was In the win ter. The Saturday before the first Sun day after he was settled as minister was a real old-fashioned one. gnn to snow Friday night and kept on till midnight Saturday. Sunday morn ing there wasn't anything much to be seen, except the smoke curling up out o' the chimneys, ■ T see where we set by the tire to day,' Hen said to the minister, who boarded then with Hen and his wife. goon - g became, It be " 'No tire for me,' laughed the min ister. 'My place Sundays Is In the pul pit.' "Hen said It was too cold to go out; that there were no paths, that every body would stay at home; and when he saw that the minister was bound to hold service, he said he might preach In hls kitchen and they'd call tho neighbors In. 'Hint It was church or nothing," smiled the squire, "and the dnlster finally got Hen to say he'd help him out In digging a path to the church. They started In with shovels, and as they went along some of tho men Join ed them, for shame's suae, 1 guess; for although they worked well enough, It was hard sledding, and they didn't relish the Job any too well. "They used considerable in iguuge as they dug, and Hen's language led all the rest. The minister never said a word. He was working ns hard ns the rest, and they thought probably ho didn't hear. Finally they came to an enormous drift. Hen Rollins threw himself on hls shovel and began to moisten hls Ups, when tue minister spoke up, so's everybody could hear. " 'Weil open this drift with prayer!' ho said. "Open It with prayer they did," chuckled the squire. "But all the rest of the drifts were opened In silence." WHAT EXCITED THE ELEPHANTS Th« Hurled Horn of Fellow a Bonrct of ITneaftlnenM. The great skull of Topsy, the "bad elephant exhumed at Luna Park re cently, solved the mystery which for weeks has Invested tho conduct of the Thompson & Dundy herd of elephants, says the New York Tribune. They knew the bones of one of their kind were under the earth, and they stead fastly refused to approach the spot. Topsy was killed by electricity In Luna Park three years ago. Her rec ord of death and destruction was long and black. The Museum of Natural History carted away her skin and relic hunters took most of the bones. Tho skull, which weighed close to 300 pounds, was burled hack of the stables and the Incident was thought closed. Half a dozen elephants were sent from the Hippodrome to Luna Park early In July, In charge of "Pete" Bar low, trainer. They are an obedient and docile herd, aud Barlow was non plused when they shivered, trumpeted and would not budge every time they neared the piece of ground which looked no different from the rest of the scanty patch on which the horses dally exercise. Their reluctance remained a topic of curious discussion until yesterday, when Barlow, with superstitious fore bodings aroused, nervously told the story to Frederick Thompson. The senior member of the firm medi tated a moment, and then hurst into laughter. He led the way to the spot. "Dig," he Instructed a stableman. The shovel bit an end of the elephant's skull six Inches from the surface, and half an hour's effort revealed the en tire Imbedded set of bones. Alice, Fanny aud Jenny, three mem bers of the herd, who had been close ly watching the proceedings, shrieked mournfully as the skull was lifted out. whiffed It for several minutes and then walked silently to their quarters. Barlow sent the skull to hls homo ln Huntington. L. !.. and the hole occupied was filled In. Tho elephants seemed to show relief, ns they moved willingly over the former grave. Saying It Politely. A professor In Columbia College Law was lecturing on "contracts" a class which obviously did not care to listen. The young men. says Ar gonaut, shuffled their feet, and appar ently only waited for tho clock strike their deliverance. At last the minute hand pointed twelve and the hour was up. With simultaneous movement they rose from their seats and started toward the door. "One minute, pleaae!" called the lee "One minute, please! I have »till a few more of al Keep turer. your seats, pearls to cast." We Usually Find Our Level. 1)0 not hypotlze yourself with Idea that you are being kept dowu. Do not talk such nonsense. Nobody any sense would believe It. People w only laugh at you. Only one thing keeping you down, and that Is your self. There Is probably some trouble somewhere with you. Of course, there employers who are unjust to their help: there are Instance* In which ployes are kept back when they should be advanced; but, as a rule, this only temporary, and they usually their level somewhere.—Success Maga zine. an It takes nerve for a widow with children who are married for the ond time to be Jealous of her band. _ Because people are too polite to you of your faults, don't Imagine haven't any. PLYMOUTH ROCK'S CRACK. Involves a liuiq diculou« Bit of History. and HI Its Oriirl Plymouth hag been called the cradle ■ of New England. It la on the coast, | thirty-eight miles south of Boston, and Is a thriving and prosperous New Eng land town, with good schools and churches, and town ball, aud shops of all kinds, aud comfortable homes. On the flat strip of land that runs for miles up and down the shore of the bay, the diminutive white bouses of the fishermen are crowded close to gether. In the center of the same flat land-strip, flanked on both sides by the fishermen's homes, is a large, open square forty yards from the wat er front. Here stands Plymouth Rock, the first sight of which gives one a mental shock, for, no doubt, fancy has pictured an Immense boulder rising grandly out of the sea; but, instead, the visitor sees only an oolong, Irregularly j shaped gray sandstone rock twelve j feet In length and five feet In width i at the widest point and two at tho ! narrowest. Across one part runs a j large crack which has been filled with | cement, and which gives to Plymouth ! Rock a highly aajlflclal appearance, j The origin 01 this crack Is a bit of unique history, and bears evidence to the early differences that at times di vided the Inhabitants Into two fac tions. For a long time there waged spirited and hitter wrangling between the op- I posing parties, and It even settled down upon the much-cherished Ply-1 mouth Rock, which one party declared ought to bo removed to a more worthy position In the town square, and the other wranglers protested It should not be moved an Inch from Its posi tion, even though they had to guard It with their pikes aud guns. Finally, the stronger faction drew up their forces around Plymouth Rock, and In attempting to move It up the hill spilt It asunder, which seemed a had omeu for those who had attempted such n thing, until an ardent Whig leader flourished his sword, and by an l j I eloquent appeal to the other zealou. Whigs convinced them that they should not swerve from their plan of carrying the rock to a place In the that we will transport with all care and diligence to Its proper home." Twenty yoke of oxen drew Ute Whig section of Plymouth Rock up the hill, amid the shouts of the throng that pushed forward around the liberty pole which was to mark tho new site. The town square. "The portion that first fell to the ground belongs to us," ho cried; "aud ceremony of dedicating the rock In Its new position was very Impressive, and the people stood with bared heads, aud In reverent tones chanted their high pitched psalms in token of thanksgiv ing. It In the town square this part of Ply mouth Rook remained tor more than half a century, when a committee of the council resolved to move It back to Its original position, and Join It, as liest they could, to the other half. Ac cordingly In 1834 on the morning of the Fourth of July, tho Plymouth Rock had tTeen reunited In all seriousness to Its long-estranged portion, and tha union made complete by a mixture of cement and mortar. To-day four granite columns support a canopy of granite that offers Ply mouth Rock an Indifferent protection against tho rain and the sun, and serves to keep back, In some measure, the thousands of sightseers that come to Plymouth with only one object In view, namely, to press up arouud the lion liars, and to gaze through them at the revered rock, on which they see the single Inscription, cut In the middle of Its face In long, plain fig ures, "1820." The rock Is surrounded by a high Iron railing composed of alternate boat hooks aud harpoons, and Inscribed with Urn Illustrious names of the forty men who drew up the Pilgrims' com pact on board the Mayflower that No vember day as they sighted the coast that henceforth was to bo their home. LIGHT IS NOT NEEDED. Inglish Scientist Rut* Sou's Effect s Bad. I Mb Dr. Charles E. Woodruff has made an exceedingly interesting Investiga tion of the effects of tropical light on white men. The origin of hls In vestigation was an attempt to prove or disprove the theory that the skin pigmentation of man served to exclude the short or actinic rays of light whose action Is to destroy living protoplasm. If this theory Is true, It will explain at once many anthropological riddles, We find In It a reason why white men. while capital colonizers In cold or temperate regions und sagacious ad mlulstrators of tropical colonies, have failed when they attempted themselves to colonize In hot countries; why blond types prevail In the cloudy, almost sun of to to to a less regions of the north of Europe, brunette types In the dazzllugly light countries bordering on the Medlter raneau, and the negro In Central Af rica; and why the type of man llv lug In the tireless city Is less blond than that of the countryman who has during a large portion of hls outdoor Ilf« the protection of the woodland aud orchard. Dr. Woodruff soon felt hound to ad mit that the sun Is not the beneficent deity wo thought him to be aa we wor ahtped, but that he delights In sscrl ficea and alays ruthlessly those who trust In him It Is hard to believe that man doea not need the light, and It It almost a shock to be made realize that "the vast majority of land animal* live In absolute darkness." Yet Hr. Woodruff leave« little reason doubt hla statements, for besides cogency of hls reasoning from univer sally accepted facts, he fairly bristles with authorities whom he cites In «up port of hla position. the of It em la find ni Failed to Convince Willie. "You should be like the chickens, Willie; Just see how early they wake up in the morning." "Oh, well, I could wake up early, too, ma, It I stood up all night!"—Yon sec hus tell you kers Statesman. "You oftsn hear a man say: know what I would do In So-and-So's place," but at the same time he not know what to do half the himself. THE DRAGONS. Prince Vortlgern—so run the ancient tales— A stronghold sought to build In wildest Wales) But some fell power frustrated each essay. And nightly wrecked the labors of the day; Till Merlin came, and bade the builders all, Beneath the escarp'd and many-bastloued wall. Dig deep; aud lo. two dragons, o'er whose lair Nothing secure might rise, lay sleeping there. —Saturday Review, V«v Rearch the foundations, you that build a state) For If the dragon forms of Wrath and Hate Lie colled below, and darkly bide their hour, Fear walks the rampart. Fear ascends the tower. And let it not content you that they sleep; XJrlve them with strong enchantments to the deep. First of such charms is Perfect Justice; then Comes the heart's word that conquers beasts and men No other craft shall serve—no spells but these Drive the old dragons to the whelming sen* zittïtiitiir WJt'Aiyj-' Their Grewsome Bridesmaid © BORGE HAYDEN was really no such great villain after all. Put baldly, he had merely flirted with a girl of a lower position In life than his own. and left her. Y'et circumstances and the girl had be fore long made the affair seem a heart less tragedy, and for two miserable years George Hayden bad been haunt ed by it There was no doubt that he had made love, generally with gay non chalance, occasionally with fervor, to Kate Moon, of Mossdyke farm. It was (luring that summer when he was off fishing In Devon, and the weather was beyond reproach—except for fishing. The trout would not bite, and Kate Moon was beautiful, tall and blm , k hnlretl wlUl R ,. onip i ellon 0 f the proverbial Devon milk and roses; magnificent, passionate, Impulsive girl, It was an artistic pleasure to him to see her coming toward him In her lilac cotton gown—she always wore lilac cotton gowns unlike any one else's, full gathered and dainty, with a bordering n f p n )eat pink around hem and wnlst; tho efrect wag OU8 of lavender and n f t er hls holiday, bringing with him hls roses. It was when the rector came back sister, hla niece and—quite by colncl i e - t ! w h u , * FI !-■ g i l/i-i Ml 1(1 H v / - ( w|t fVm J ' V "TELL HEB ABOUT ME AND SEE WHAT she'll say." deuce—a college friend of Hayden, that mischief began, and It began without delay, for the college friend recognizing Hayden In the village, In troduced him to the rectory party, and Hayden promptly fell In love, gen uinely this time, with Sybil Dove, the rector's niece. It did not take Kate Moon long, either, to see her doom. I Hayden, It Is true, was a little trou bled at first, but that was merely an noyance with himself for the careless way In which he had talked lovi "desecrated," he called It—but he did not dream of the manner In which Kate would take It. ! No one hut Hayden and Kate her self knew of that terrible night of re crimination when " tho moon shone down on tho final meeting In Dalllng wood. I I By the next night Hayden had left the village; by the next Sunday Kate Moon had left the world; she had drowned herself In the river—the pret ty river where the trout had fought years with the sight of the girl con Rtantly before hls eyes, In her lilac 8°"'». with tho rose-pink bunds about ^ er "'Ulst ami hem, and with her lust words In hls ears. shoy of Hayden's rod and line. And Hoyden began that terrible two or * *' curse you to your very marriage day!—aye. to your very deathlicd; I'll "Tell her about me, and see what she'll say of your love! Tell her, I say, wa * k 11 Iu ^ s 't ulu ^ stand between you, and 1 011 "ball never bide In peace!' mor's flirtation shocked Hayden as a heartless tragedy, and grew and grew Into his life till he became to himself 11 ®ort of banned wanderer. ,lme ,lie '" retched tragedy became less Important, and hla heart leaped, cou ''1 see, too, that Sybil waa happy to **lm. I or weeks he sunned himself In Joy, ,ml trle<1 ,0 l, anl«h Kate. Then one dn - T faced the ghost and reasoned to wKh himself In a logical, aenslble man nPr ' »" d R, »te of mind became more ■ orm " 1 ' nml 1,p hlm8olf wh T to "hould not be happy, "luce he dawdled with Kate by the Devonshire river, Then what had seemed hut a sum About two years later Hayden met Sybil Dove In Rome, and for the first He Next morning, on the hill, he broke Into tho first love words he had uttered j "I love you!" he cried out, aa be and Sybil sat resting In the noonday. "Sybil, I can't live without you! I have hungered for you since I firet met y° u two years ago!" | "1 love you. too!" she said, simply, when she could find voice. And Uay den held her In hls arms for a raptur ous moment. I When he glanced up. hls arms still "I about her, a girl was pnsslug along the hill below—a dark-halrsd girl. In lilac gown. It was. of eourae, merely « coincidence, Hordes ahlvarw! soul loosed hls clasp. The o!3 haunted feeling had returned. He had an Impulse to tell Sybil the whole wretched story, but It would be a gloomy beginning to the first hour of his new happiness. Be sides which, Mrs. Dove came into sight at the moment. Those were strange months, those mouths of engagement. There were hours when both Hayden and Sybil were wildly gay; but again there were hours when a cloud hung over them, when something seemed to be between them, checking their words as If a third person were listening. In himself Hayden could under stand the feeling, for even now. spite of argument, apite of happy future, he could not throw off the recollection of Kate Moon and her despair. But the same mood In Sybil he could not un derstand. Was the drowned girl al ways to be between them? Hayden groaned. "Tell her, I say, tell her, or-" In desperation Hayden caught up down to the church," he muttered hastily the evenlug before the wedding, after hours of gloom In which he had seen the dead girl walking between him self and his living bride. "I'll see how the decorations are getting on." It was a lovely old building of gray stone, far famed for Its many windows of stained glass, which In a close line told In rich purples and crimsons the story of Joseph and his brethren. One or two gardeners were busy at the choir atalla; some girls talking In subdued tones were garlanding a pil lar. Hayden watched their deftness. Then with a tender Impulse he turned hls eyes to the altar, where he would kneel to-morrow besld A sudden horror clutched him, the Mood surged within him and deaf ened him. Bonding at tho altar step was a dark-haired figure In a lilac gown with a pluk hand across the hem. hls hat "I'll stroll Hayden groped with hi* hand, and, clutching a pew door, closed his In n despairing faintness, age was to be relentless. When he looked again the figure was gone. The girls at the pillar had turned from their work to speak to another. Unseen In hls misery, Hay den stole out at tho porch, stuuned and cold In the sunshine. Hayden never forgot the night which followed, as he lay, unuerved and hopeless, waiting for hls wedding day, and facing In all their details the two years past and the many come, from the day when played a summer'« game heart of a girl to all the days when he should live close to the girl he loved, and feel himself a murderer. Toward morning he began to take a more ordinary view of tho mutter. This was his wedding day—sunny, happy, glorious. He had been in an excited, unnatural state of mind yes terday. He had brooded so long that hls remorse was abnormal. "The prettiest wedding the village had ever seen," the people said after ward. The pews were packed and a subdued buzz of comment played about Hayden's ears as he waited. He had not allowed himself much time to kill; but, supported by hls best man. he took hls place about five minutes before the bride wns expect ed. He determined to throw off use less self-reproaches and do his best In the future. eyes Hls bond years to be bad with the The brightly colored crowd was an (indistinguishable whole to him: but at the end of the aisle was a shaft of brilliant light; It streamed through the porch, and Into and through It walked a double Hue of beauty. They came on In the sunshine and halted till the eud of the lines was In side the door, then they widened the space between them and lined the lower half of the little aisle. ■ The smile on Hayden's face snapped off as suddenly as If struck by a hand; hls features became stiff and ashen colored: a roar seemed to be filling the church and hurting hls brain, the building itself heaved about him. But the figure on which hls eye had first smilingly rested stood motionless. She atood nearest to him, as first bridesmaid, her back slightly turned: a drooping hat almost hid her fea tures, but she was dark-hatred and splendidly poised, and her gown was of lilac with a pluk band about the heml Lilac, among the white gowns beeide her! Then he felt a band grip bis arm firmly. "Keep up, old man, she's coin some one said. hen a bush, then a stir filled the church, and between the waiting bridesmaids, shutting from hla sight that terrifying form, came Sybil to ward him; and chilled, horror-filled, as one in a dream, he stepped to meet her. li. "Tell her, I say, tell bar—" was In bis ears as the marriage service begun. A strange vow mingled with Hay den's marriage vows. "Tell her?" "I will." "I will." 'T vow It." There was no lilac gown among the bridesmaid! surrounding her when he took her «way. Ue could see no on« like Kate Moon. But he told Sybil all the story as they drove toward their new life; and she listened with flushed, averted cheek. But when be had finished, and a moment's silence like a concrete block of despair had followed, she turned to him and wept upon his shoulder. And "How you must both have suffered!" were her first sobbing words. Bnt because she was frightened by the new suffering the telling of the tale had cost him, she did not say that she had known the story all along, aud that the silence had been as au aveng ing ghost between them. One day, long after, when Hayden and his wife strolled into the old church, he noticed a curious thlug. Sybil had walked toward the chancel while Hayden halted by the door, and as she stood n moment In the aisle be saw her white gown turn to lilac in the sunlight, and a band of rose-color fell across the hem. For a moment the blood flushed Into his face, and all the miserable past rose before him. Then, as he looked, Sybil moved for ward and her gown was.white again— and again as she moved It was splashed with color. enlightenment looked up at the famous windowed story of Joseph and he understood. "It was all for the best, though," he said to himself at Inst, aud In unutter able relief he followed his wife and stood again beside her before the altar.—Utica Globe. MEDICINAL VIRTUES OF FISH. Carp and the Tench Are Valuable as Curatives. Fishing literature, prior to the days and writings of Izuak Walton, opens up points of Interest which are unique, says the Brooklyn Eagle. Not the least Interesting are the constant references cf the early writers to the medical vir tues of fish. Of course, many of the «alt and fresh water fishes mentioned by the old writers are not recognized by the writers of to day, but the fresh water perch, carp, tench and eel are yet recognized, and it Is in connection with these fish that some of the quaint est Ideas as to their medical virtues has prevailed. In the art of healing tho carp plays a respectable part. One old writer speaks of the fat of the carp as be ing of miraculous powers for the alle viation of "hot rheumatism." The manner of Its application was by fre quent rubbing on me painful part, and the effect was said to be eminently mollifying aud salutary. The trian gular bones in tho throat of the carp, on being ground to a powder aud ap plied to a wound or bleeding nose, were said to act as styptic. The gall a was also said to have been used for sore eyes and "above the eyes," says an old Esculaplus, "two little bones exist, seml-clTcular In shape, which are diligently preserved by noble fe males agalust the lunattcal disease." The eel has also a respectable med ical history. Members of the profes sion from Galen to the present day recommend It. Hippocrates, however, makes this exception; "This food Is forbidden In tabes and diseased spleen." Galen prescribed It In no pnrltls. Tho monks of Salerno held the eel In abhorrence. They say, ac cording to Dr. Badbam, In tueir dietet ic code, "to live on eels is a sure reci pe for spoiling the voice." Pliny also hold this opinion, but says also, "sin gular they are holden to be to cleanse the humors, either cholerlck or phleg matic. likewise, to cure the Infirm ities of the spleen, and only that they be hurtful to the throat and make a man to lose hls voice—they be harm less enow." "Pon't Forgot." Many years ago. writes Thomas Bai ley Aldrich In "Pougapog Papers," a notea Boston publisher used to keep a largo memorandum book on a table In lus private office. Tho volume always lay open, and was In no manner a pri vate affair, being tho receptacle of nothing more Important than hastily scrawled reminders to attend to this thing or the other. It chanced one day that a very young, unfledged author, passing through the city, looked in upon the publisher, who was also the editor of a famous magazine. The unfledged had a copy of verses secreted about hls person. The publisher was absent, and young Milton sat down and waited. Presently hls eye fell upon tho mem orandum book. lying there spread out like a morning newspaper, and almost in spite of himself he read, "Don't for get to see the binder," "Don't forget to mail E. his contract," "Don't forget H.'s proofs," and so forth. An Inspiration seized upon the youth. He took a pencil, and at the tail of this long list of "don't forgets" he wrote, "Don't forget, to accept A.'s poem." He left hls manuscript on the table and disappeared. That afternoon, when the publisher glanced over hls memoranda, he was not a little aston ished at the last Item; but Ills sense of humor was so strong that ho did ac cept the poem—It required a strong sense of humor to do that—and sent tho lau a check for It, although the verses remain to this day unprinted. Facing the Future. "What Is baby's name?" asked the graciously condescending young worn son." was the colored mother's reply, "How did you come to give him such an extraordinary name?" "Well, you see dat chile takes after hls father an' I wanted to give him a name dat were gwlne to be appropri-| ate. An'every time anybody mentions •fiyln' machine' dey say It's sumplu' dut positively refuses to worin" Washington Star. an. "His name Is Fiyln' Machine Jack Queer Request. "There were others present at tho time," Miss Oldeu was saying coyly. "nud he asked it he couldn't see me apart." "The Idea!" exclaimed Miss Bitter; "Juat because your teeth and hair are false, does he think you come apart?' —Philadelphia Ledger. The sweetness of adversity Is apt to sour a man's disposition. CURIOUS DINNER PARTIES. Epicures of Eccentricity Who Scare* for Novellier, Ordinary methods of (lining do not suit everybody, even wh»n the costli est luxury Js employed. Epicures of an eccentric turn of mini! In search ol novelty have recourse t> strange ar rangements, according (■» the Toledo Blade. During the recent season at Dlnard, the Breton watering place, a very novel dinner was given by two distin guished visitors, the vicomte and vi comtesse de Saussine. The idea was to make the dining room as much like a real garden as possible, and, with this object In view, real green turf was laid over the whole of the floor and daisies and other flowers were planted In it In the center of the "lawn" there was a rockery, with a fountain playing and a live rabbit was gamboling near It. The guests at- • tended In flowing draperies, wearing garlands of roses upon them, and they took their seats on cushions on the grass while their food was served to them on wooden dishes, which were laid on campstools In place of tables. Fruit and wine were scattered In pro fusion on the grass and, In order to obviate all difficulties of passing the salt cellar around a huge loaf of bread, out and filled with salt suspended from the celling and this was swung around from one guest to another as required. Somewhat similar In conception was another very curious dinner party given a few months ago In New York by a well-known lender of 'American society—Mrs. Arthur B. Froal. Tb'is was n "farmyard" dinner. One of the largest rooms In a lending restaurant was transformed for the occasion Into something that looked very much In deed like a farmyard. Around the walls were scenes representing fields •nd pastures and the floor was strewn with agricultural Implements of all kinds, as It the farmhands had only Just left the place. Figs and lambs were roaming about, rabbits stopped munching carrots to skip away frightened as the guests entered the hall and at the same mo ment a representation of a rising sun appeared on the horizon, a rooster standing on a wooden box saluted It In his nSnal manner. Chlckçns, ducks and geese Immediately began to straighten their feathers aud run about. Dinner was served In the Inside of a huge egg, which was placed In tho center of tho landscape, reaching from the floor almost to tho coiling, and which had been moat skillfully fash ioned by a decorative carpenter. Tho table Inside was a perfect oval. It was hollowed In the center and with in the hollow part were floral decora tions which represented tho white and yellow parts of the egg. The yolk was was made oP' daffodils and Jonquils and the outer fringe of white was made up of lilies and candytuft and such flowers ns one might see on a country hedge. This dinner was really arranged ns sort of rival In eccentricity to olio which was given at the same time by another famous Now York hostess, Mrs. O. K. O. Billings, which came to be known as the "horseback" dinner. All the guests were bidden to attend on horseback and they trotted Into jt)e dining room without dismounting )nd there took dinner from tables which were Just saddle high, tho guests partook of their soups and entrees the horses munched oats at tho mangers which had been provided for them. All tho guests on this occa sion, numbering thirty-five, wore la dles. While Why Women Are Lato. "It's Just 0 o'clock," said Squllbob, according to tho Kansan City Journal, "and so you have plenty of time to dress yourself carefully tor the theat er. With this margin of time, Hen rietta, you can surely have no ex cuse for being unprepared at tho last moment, a trait wholly confined to your sex." "Yes, dear, I'll start dressing right now," said hls helpmate, dutifully. "And I myself will show you a good eitamplo of promptness," said Squll bolt, kindly. "I'll start right In now, myself. By tho way, where are my shirts " "Here they are." "Put the shirt studs In it, will yon? Aud—nr—by tho way. this dross suit Is rather rumpled. I must have tossed It around la tha drawer. You arc rather handy at those things, Hen rietta—can't you press It Into some sort of shape?" "All right, dear." "And while you are at It. fix tho pearls In toy shirt front. Ginger! I wish you'd chaso up my cuff but tons." Mrs. Squllbob flew around with deft and, willing -hands, gathering the masculine apparel together, while Squlllioh calmly dressed himself In the Intervals of hls rapid-fire direc tions. "Got my top hut?" he asked. "Good. Now, please fix my necktie, and—why— er — er —" Squllbob gasped In surprise^ looked at the clock hands, which pointed to 7 and then surveyed the flurried little woman. "Ginger!" ho said In fine scoi i, "aren't you dressed yet? Well, If that Isn't like a woman!" Scholarly Version. On the campus of Emory College In Oxford, O«., there Is a tablet to the memory of Ignatius Few, the first president One day a freshman was crossing the campus with hls cousin, j who „»feed Mm to explain the Inscrip Uon on the stone, | rea A slowly. "What does that mean, will ?" "That," said the freshman, easily, ( " obi that moans, 'He Uves—no, he don't, he's dead.' " — " • VI vit —non—mortuua— est,' " •hr Hopeless. "Hair needs trimming badly, air." "Yes. that'« about tha way you'd trim It." "Better let me cut It?" "No, It'« all right" "Oomee down over your coat couar." "Yea, I'm going to have the coat col ' lar cut down."—Cleveland Leader. An unaucoeasful man has more con fidence In others than he has In him \ 1