The Caldwell tribune. [volume], April 28, 1888, Image 2

About The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928

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CALDWELL TRIBÜNE.
mi renbrrfl HKOR., FnblUher».
CALDWELL,
IDAHO.
Im the new directory of Baltimore,
Md., appear the names of 1,090 John
sons. 921 Joneses an<( 1.773 Smith*.
Ferdinand of Bulgaria is not a big
man, but it begins to look as though lie
would eventually overturn the peace nf
Europe.
Lad? Anne Blrkt sa ys her hus
band's health is permanently under
mined by the discomforts of hi* itu*
prisonment
That story about how a drummer
kissed Emma Abbott on the arm smacks
of the improbable. What bas a drum
mer to do with arms, anyway?
Mrs . C. H. Moork , of Philadelphia,
wears the most costly diamonds of all
the society women of the Quaker City.
Her jewels are said to be worth about
«6 J. 000.
The peace which Mitchel has been
bound over to keop docs not pa«s all
understanding. In fact, it is very easily
comprehended by any one who has
ever seen John L. Sullivan.
Johann Strauss , the famous waltz
composer, is a clever caricaturist If
lie could sketch many a dancer who
essays to keep time to Iiis music he
would make a hit in the realm of hu
morous art.
The Boston Globe still continues to
suggest Presidential candidates to the
linptihlicans. Its latest nomination is
Eli Perkins. Tho suggestion will
naturally Ii»j on tho tablo—or anywhere
else for t'nat matter.
Tub Protestant Episcopal church 5n
this country has, including 1,618 mis
sion*. 4,434 churches, 3,7.45 min sters,
418.531 communicants. The Reformed
Episcopal church, organized by Assist
ant Bishop Cummins, of Kentucky, in
1873. comprises 90 churches. 120 min
isters, and 12.000 communicants. Tho
Episcopalians havo gained largely
during the last four years, their In
trease being represented by 1.415
churches, 201 ministers, and 78,832
coram unio&nts.
An expounder of the book of reve
lations of tho old, wild sort has turned
<up at Edinburgh, Scotland. This man
says that in 1894 Napoloon, tho anti
christ, will arise as king of a small part
of Greece or Turkey, and then becomc
•mperor of tho ten kings, while Na
poleon'* imago, from 1897 to 1931, will
be sent up and worshiped in every
city town, and village of Britain and
the rost of tho ten kingdoms, and tens
of thousands of people will ho behead
ed for refusing to worship his statue.
A New York exchange irreverently
remarks: "Géraldine Ulmor, the prêt*
ty, pug-nosed Yum-Yum who wont to
London to join tho company at tho
Savoy theater, writes to a friend in
th s city doming the story published n
few weeks ago to the offoet that she
was about lo marry tho rather indefin
ite quantity described as Mho son of
the English banker.' 'Lollie'—that
was her namo when she sang in a
church ohoir at Charleston, Mass.—
adds, too, that as long as she can got
850 a week 'all by herself she isn't
going to bother about matrimony."
The total number of members at
Mr. Spurgeon's tabernacle is 6,315.
During tho past tear 240 havo boen
added by baptism, 43 bprofession,
nnd 74 by letter, while 142 havo been
dismissed to othor churches, 37 have
joined other churches without letters
of dismission, 14 havo emigrated, 129
name« have been removed for non -at- I
tendance, 9 for other causes, and 64
members have died. The church has
now 37 mission stations, with aitling
accommodations for 4,900 persons.
130 local preachers, 22 Sunday and
ragged schools, with 584 teaohers and
7,731 scholars, while between 80 and
100 miss'on stations commenced by
the Tabernacle congregation having
developed into self-supporting church
es.
Th « only symphony of Richard Wag
ner was performed for tho first time in
America at Boston on the 25th nit ;
Mr. Gericke thus getting ahead of
Seidl. who ! s "preparing" to produce
it In New York. This work is in four
movements, G major, and was com
posed aui*. performed with success at
the Le'psic Gewandhaus when Wagner
wa». a youth of 20; it was also tho last
work he directed, under peculiar cir
cumstances in his failing days at
Venice. The work had been lost, and
was only recovered by chance fifty
year* later, so that Wagner rounded
out his artist-life by recurrence to the
old classical forms. The work shows
tbe influence of Beethoven, its ideas
are clear and strong, and it ia in fact
interesting, and its performance was a
popular success.
Mr. Richard Mansfield has re
ceived his new classical drama. "Nero,"
from his author. Mr. T. Russell S.illi
van, who has l>e«n busy on it since the
first days of the production of Dr.
Jekyli and Mr. Hyde." The contracts
for the new plav wore made the day
after Mr. Manstiold'a appoaranco us Dr.
Jekyll and Mr. H\de. The drama
deals entirely with the latter days of
Nero. Mr- Sullivan has Imd two Ital
ian plays from which to draw, and both
he and Mr. Mansfield havo boon con
stantly occupied in studying all that
mav appertain to tho perfection of the
work aud its presentat on as far as the
character of Nero aud the times in
which be lived m iv buooncornod. Mr.
Mansfield will first produce "Nero" at
tho Lyceum theater, London. Tho
different scenes, notably the banquet
ing hall in Nero's goiden house, the
night on the Campa, and the view of
Rome from-Ihe palace roof aro said to
be beautiful, but, at the same time,
••Nero," as a drama, will by no means
depend upon its scenery, nor lie in any
sense a spectacular play. Mr. Sullivan
It said to havo produced a work which
will digtiif« Hie position of the Ameri
can playwright. The touching dealh
of the b«anl fid slave girl, Charis, while
dancing before Caesar, the tragic death
of Acte, nnd the long scene of mad ter
ror which precedes (ho strange end of
Nero, are said lo be deeply interact
ing and powerful
THE feOY
Taken Care Of bj His Affection
ate Father-,
Who Finally Find« Oat Thai It b No Emjt
Job to Look After a L v » Bab r- A Oraphio
and Vary Amusing Account by Ob« VTka
Know«.
There was a man named Doll rtger,
father of a smnK boy. The small bo*
was lltreo ytarfc and six months old,
and full of the old Harry in proportion.
Now it has happened in the past
I hat this man DefHngfer had stood
mue» with Ids ho*e up in the air and
lioneled how lie could lake care of the
small boy. which latter'* namo was
Willie; and he said that bis wife-,
mother to this Willie, was not posted
on taking care of childreh, and that he
Ii mself could manage him without
making such a fuss about it Ile had
laughed at her, and mocked her, and
told her his mother had brought Up bel
ch Idrcn differently, nnd albeit much
bet 1er. And likewise he added that
her raised biscn ts weut more to the
spot.
So in good time it fell öüt ibat tho
woman would go down town for the
! aflernooh. And before this the hired
girl had jumped the ranch, bnt the
man said it mattered not—that he
would take oare of the boy. And
while the woman was gültig down the
tront walk -Willie whooped twico like a
wi!d Indian and asked eight questions«
for the boy hungered for information.
And while Iiis mother paused at the
gate looking at a woman who was rid
ing past, to see whether she had a new
hat or her old one made over, little
Willie asked a few more questions.
And it was so that all of the boy*s
questions were short, but the answers
to them were long nnd exceed nelv
difficult. 6
And it wss three hours before the
woman returned» hilt Dollinger thought
it was throe months, for his offspring
made it hot for him.
t And it so happened that for the nekt
two minutes after the woman had
started the boy asked no questions, but
dragged the bat out from under the
slovo by the tail and yelled like a man
when the returns come light election
night And his father told him to shut
up and keep still, at which the boy
obeyed, aud sat down upon the floors
and tho father marked the effect of his
Brmness with pride, and sealed himself
to read an article on the tariff question.
And he had read ten libes when the boy
began yelling like a man with his hand
onttght in tho door of a burglar-proof
safe; and he kept it up for fite minutes,
howling exceedingly lou.l, till his father
was glad to stop Ii s reading and com
fort him by galloping around tho room
with him on his head. And it pleased
the hoy and ho naked ten or fifteen
more quest ons; aud Dollinger fell oVer
a cast-iron train of eft is the boy had
left in the m dd!c of the room, and got
up so mad that he kicked the cat over
the rotkinjpehair. which amused the
boy so much that he forgot to insist on
answers to his quest ons; howbeiti lie
thought of other*.
And during the next haif-hour Dol
linger had to butler four pieces of
bread for WilTe and get him it drink
nine times and sing four songs to him
and show how a monkey looked twelve
Ihnes and go into the next room to see
what he was doing five times and an
swer thirty-e ght questions. And he
made but small progress w th his read
ing, but ho kicked the cat twice» but
once he missed her and lamed his right
foot on the rocking chair.
After this he tried to induce the boy
to go to sleep, and rocked him an hour
and sang to hi in iu a harsh, metallic
voice, which needed oiling, more than
fifty différent so'igs, and got him a
drink eighteen times and answered a
question onco a minute; and at the end
the time the boy was bright and
cheerful ami wide nwake, and rose up
nnd said: 'Papa, Can't you kick the
cat again?—it's awful lots o' fnn."
And it was so that he kicked it.
Then (lie boy rode the broomstick
around the house and whooped some
more; and lie tippod over the center
tablo and threo chairs, and hurt him
self twice, nnd ran the end of the
broomstick into his father's left eve;
and the cat having gone out of the
room his father swore, and straightway
lie boy repeated tho swear word; and
•'i s father set down the sugar firkin
where he could reach it in order to
ndo«-e him never to use the word
iga'n; for he trembled lest the boy's
mother should hear it and straightway
■inow ts source.
Then tho boy ate until he became
possessed of u pain, and yelled so that
.lie people stopped on the sidewalk and
alked of sending for n policeman. So,
n comfort him, h s father got down on
ill fours nnd took him on his back and
galloped around tiio ed^e of tho parlor
like a horse; and kicked out backward
at tho chairs, and pawed with bis arms,
and pretended to put down his head
and cat grass; and the boy pounded
him in tho ribs with his heels, and
whacked him over the head with a
drumstick, and nsked him some ques
tions. nnd the question* were after this
manner: "Why don't yon liold up
our head high like :i horse?'' and
"Why don't you kick with both feet?
That's tho way a horse does," and
' Why don't yon whinuer like horses?''
•.nd "YVliydon't you have long ears
ke Harry Jones' donkey?" All of
vhich the man had lo answer. For
when he got down he wist not that the
boy would want to ride for three-quar
crs of an hour: but it was so that he
lid.
And after he got up he sank into a
Dhair to rest, and Willie scattered his
playlhlng8 around the house, and threw
Irs ball through a front window and
blew on his tin horn, and tore np the
iate newspapers and played in the coal
scuttle, nnd wiped h s bands on tbe
wall ar.d tidies and the album. And
his father groanod and swore to him
self. but be was too tired to get np and
stop h m. But as he rested bis body be
exercised his mind in answering a few
questions. And as lime wore on
Will c slipped out of the room aud be
came exceedingly still, by which token
iiis father know that ho was in mis
chief; but ho only blasphemed nnder
Iiis breaih a little harder and sat still,
for ho wot now that his back was brok
en by being a horse.
And there was no sound in the bense
for the space of ton minute*, nor till
Mrs. Dollinger returned nnd discovered
Willie and dragged him in, and spoke
to papa so he would remember it, for
I ho boy had poured the molasses and
vinegar into the sugar and emptied the
mixture on th» iloor, and rubbed the
cat in it and h tnsclf rolled in the
ha me. And the woman made it red
hot for a man by the namo of Dolt ngen
—Frtd U. Carmtki't Chicago Vnb&'tt.
EC0H0MY W £fcPf»L?nf<J WHEAT.
guarded statement ttt the effect that
Since th® ytears immediately preceding
the so called demonetization of silver
A rkiV l'olnti Hearing Upon tlie Ques
tion of Our Abllltjr to < omplete
Agalitat India I» tlie World's Wheal
Sappl v.
Last September Mr. Edward Atkin
son addressed a section of the Brit
ish Associât on for the advance*
ment of Science on the silver quest oh.
In the course of his address lift made à
by Germany in 1883, when the price of
wheat in Mark lane was about 50 shill
ings per quarter; there had bteett such
economies in the production ahii 'distri
bution of wheat in the United Stales as
to make it practically cerian that nt
the present time 34 shillings per quar
ter would yield aS good results to the
American farmer 1.500 miles from the
seaboard as 50 shillings did then. Mr
Atkinson did not profess to be e*nct, hs
he had no books at band fot reference,
but he aimed to kefcp Weil Withih
•
bounds.
the Statement, which must have
been startling to an Engl sli audience,
as well a* disquieting to Engiish land
lords and farmers, was challenged at
all po nls, especially by a number of
correspondents of 7 he London Times-.
It was contested nsto all its tietailStitnri
some writers rather broadly insinuated
that Mr. Atkinson Was in allbgcd Amer
ican propensity to spread the eagle.
Mt\ Atkinson did not care td rest
tinder the suspicion of hairing made an
unfounded and extravagant assertion
itt the presence of a grave scientific
association. Accordingly on Iiis return
lo this country he mado a thorough in
vestigation of the subject« and the re
sults al-e given the public ih tfro letters
addressed ttt Dradstreel's and The
London Times. Interesting as they
are to all Americans engaged in farm
ing, milling, and the grain trade, tbey
are too long for reproduction entire ih
the columns of The Times. Their
substance may, hoWeVer ( be stated
With n moderate bounds.
Taking up first the assertion of some
Of his critics that western farmers
were, its a body» tending towards
bankruptcy or being eaten up by
mortgages. Mr. Atkiuson summarizes
tho returns he has received from the
books vf fifteen companies and firms
which havo loaned eastern mouey upon
western lands for periods ranging from
two and a half lo thirty-e ght years.
These returns cover in rouud ligures
250.000 mortgages, amounting lo$234,
000.000, averaging about $900 loaned
on each mortgage. Of these i33,500,
amounting to $ii0.500,000, have beou
pad, and 116,500, amounting to $123.
500,000, are still outstanding. Not one
per cent, in number of tiio mortgages
have been foreclosed, ftttd as tho net
result Of foreclosure sales there hits
been no lo.-s. At present interest is
be ng promptly meL Tho average
rate of interest has fallen in Iweiity
years from 10 lo 12 per cent, or eveu
15 per ceut., lo 6J or 7 per cent
Replies to questions addressed to
manufacturers and merchants point to
the same conclusion—that farmers, as
a body, are prosperous rather than the
reverse*
Mr. Atkison next takes up the cost
of transportation, and shows from
sufficient data that the reduction by
rail east of Chicago since 1870, 1871,
and 1872 has been seven-tenths of a
cent per ton per mile. West of Chica
go, he says, it has been in greater pro
portion, though iie has not the means
of showing liow muoh greater. As
suming that it lias been no greater,
there would still be a reduction of 1
cent per ton per mile for 1,500 milos,
instead of three-fourths of a cent, as
he stated in his Manchester address.
He finds, therefore, that tho reduction
on a quarter of wheat for 1,500 miles
has been over 11 shillings. He finds
also that the reduction in ocean traffic
charges has been ôs. per quarter, in
stead of 2 as he stated at Manchester.
Ho also finds that the charges for ele
vating, handling, and the like, have
been reduced la, and the cost of mill
ing, includ ng the substitution of bags
for sacks, at least 3s. per quarter.
These figures are more than supported
by a seperate estimate by Brads'.reeC s
from Chicago to New York, averaging
water rates with rail rates. In addition
to this there bas been a saving of 2s.
or more in tbe cost of planting and
reaping. The reduct ons per quarter
aro summarized as follows:
Iu railwar charges J le. or more.
In ocean chargea 5s.
In planting and reaping 2s. or more.
In milling and sacking 3s. or more.
In elevating, banding, etc Is.
Minimum redaction per quarter,.82s.
It would only be necessary to show a
reduction of 16s. to make good tbe
Manchester statement that 34s. was as
good for tho American farmer 1,500
miles from the seaboard now as 50s.
was in 1870-72. It would seem, there
fore, that Mr. Akiuson had 6s. to spare,
at the least, and that 28s. will bring as
much to the western farmer now as 50s
did in the earlier period.
It may bo said that the saving in
planting and reap ng hits been effected
by machines that the average western
farmer can afford to buy.and therefore
that it can not be said to reduce the
price at which the average farmer can
afford to sell. But granting this, which
can not be wholly true, and grantiug
that the cost of maintaining the pro
duct veness of the soil is increasing, it
must still be admitted that Mr. Atkin
son ha* mado good his position, with a
margin of at least 3s per quarter to
spare.— Chicago Times.
A Lady Killer of the Hoosier
State.
The latest style in neckt : es, and one
that originated in Crawfordsville but a
short t : me ago, i* that of having gor
geous flowers spriugled with diamond
dust painted on tho most conspicuous
part of the lie. The style is quite a
loud one, but promises to become all
the rage in a short time. It originated
among the stndentsof Wlibash College,
a class of people of wonderful inven
tive gonitis.— Independent Sentinel.
Lacking Originality.
Assistant (to editor): ••What head
ing shall I put to this cable concerning
Gladstone?"
Editor: ' Great Scott, man, have
you no brains or orig unlit of your
own? Make it Tlie Grand Old Man.'"
—Epoch*
► ACT AND FANCY.
Henry Irving Is 60 years of having been
bore February Ö, 1R&
It Is estimated that 50,000 Americans Visit
ed Europe last summer.
Done Plat ts said to bave first applied the
word -'rt-aok" lo ecci-ntrlc peopled
A "crusade" against cigarette smoking has
begun In several localities along tbe Hudson
River.
Tbe Mayor of Brooklyn declines to perform
the marriage ceremony, although be is often
applied to.
A New York Judge says there is no law that
will reach greeö goods ttted. Thea there
4bodid He.
M. Carnot sâys that any Frenchman who
J wM declare War against berniany white
^ ke ,Dd Bi8ra * rck * re »»nought to be
j „ _ _ , _ ,
Ex Governor Paul Dillingham of \ ermoet,
, wl o is nearly 89 years old, lias been re-elected
presideut of the Waterbury (Vt) national
ban tr.
I Nina Van Zaodt, the proxy wife of
chist Spies is going on the stage in a
Anar
dy na
if she would only do that by
initK tradgedy.
oroxy. too!
Congress has four member.* who part their
litsir in the middle. Two, Belmont and Hay
ner, are democrat.«, aßd twö-, Ftlelps a lid tfiujj,
are 1'ejiltblibRri-.
An AthcHban clergyman observes tLst there
are three parties fü bis congregation—k in s
" ioii P irtv ' io «""-mission P rty, and an
A mSô.inn na »• t- «—
o mis-don party
1 The gossip of a single sewing society In
Ohio has broken up four families and caused
a suicide, aud jet the good work for the
heathen gees on.
Ou'da has at last consented to write a novel
"«lib a t pieal American fatnil.V lit itj 1 ' and
"all the Sprigliily frécdo:n öf customary Amer
ican lovc-tnakfng:'*
Carrots are fashionable pets la Philadelphia.
One youhg Woman hat a parrot nSined 'Dude"
\tlio saiutes gentleman Visitors by llibtiliag
! out, -'Heild; cliapple i ,;
"I bear that several mcmb rs of the church
have gone crazy over the subject of religion!"
"Ye", sir, our revival gathiriugs are meeting
with glorious suecess."
Uncle Sol passed the tobacco to ills neighbor
nnd said it was strange that the weed could
be tnade a wanderibö Che»—änd after that
tbe iisieüet-s all Wandered;
Wl lie (after receiving a severe reprimand
from this father): "Pa, I wish I was Adam."
Mr. B: "And why do you wish that, ray son?''
"'Cause he had no daddy to lick Mm."
Mrs. Julia C. R. Dorr, the poet, has Jüst lost
a bit>th« i-, (L'huNes tt pley, by shipwreck. It Is
a strange and sad coincidence that Mrs. Dorr
lost a sister ih the same way uot many years
a CO:
Ills sad, but true," sail a Christian young
m m on the West side Who likes tbe world and
vunitr fair pretty well; ''It Is sad, but true,
that prayer-meeting seem) pretty tame after a
Orpheui ball:''
Labouehere says that Mme, Carnot, wife of
the president of France, is "not petite, but she
lias a neat ligure and a pretty way of bearing
hersilf that nature generally denies to the
tall iiersons of her sex."
l»rd Rothschild lost $13),000 worth of
|i'C!Urcs tbe other dav by a fire in a furniture
Vail. One of the paintings was worth $50,000.
The buron Was moving works of art from bis
suburban Villa to bis Sown house.
Miss Üabrielle Greeley Is almost as striking a
figure as her renowned father. She must be
hard upon 35, but there is an electric force
about her, a splendid vitality, which perpetu
ally renews and multiplies her charms.
The duke of Westminster and the Baroness
Bürdet t-Coutts have gone Into pattm-rship as
^ab proI retors, as the London Improved cab
comp.iny. They have placed 9"i0 of their tabs
an the streets of the British metropolis.
"Give us this day our daily beer," said KIos
s>, as she was repeating her nightly prayer.
"What do 'ou mean by that, Flossie?'' sharply
demauded her mother. "1 was praying for
papa. I didn't care much for bread, any
how."
The little 6-year-old daughter of a Dubuque
justice of the peace, upon bearing her father
tell her eldest sister that Blaine had refused
to run for the presidency, sagely remarked:
"Well, 1 suppose Cleveland will have to take
it again."
In Milwaukee pliyslc'ans demand a percent
age from the druggists to whom they send
their prescriptions, nnd the druggists par it
and collect just that much more from the cus
tomer. Tbe discovery has aroused considei
able indignation.
An Ann Arbor student suspected that some
one t<as stealing his coal. He loaded one of
the lumps with a charge of gunpowder, and
and the next morning bis landlady's store
blew up and his breakfast executed a beauti
ful fresco design on the kitchen celling.
Prince Barclay of Russia, who was dis
missed Ire m the army of his country by the
czar for allowing bis child to he christened
In the Lutheran faith, has now been notified
that the infant will be taken from him by the
government unless he consents to have the
child rccbristcned In the Greek rite.
Valentine. Neb., lias a unique ghost. When
some of "the bovs," with whom It, when in
the flesh was a crony, go into a saloon to take
a drink about midnight the ghost suddenly
became visible, stand : ng up against the bar
along with tliem. The bovs have been too
tcared each time thus far to a<<k it "name the
poison."
An ancient Japanese coat of mail was re
cently unearthed in Ihe vicinity of Victoria,
B. C. Some workmen engaged in digging a
well came upon the Interesting relic four feet
below tbe surface. Jt is a complete piece of
chain armor, composed of thousands of links
of diminutive iron rings the diameter of a
common pencil.
It Is suggested that fashion. If she will, can
confer a great hooin on Australia, Idaho, and
other portions of the globe that are ruinously
overrun by rabbits, by issuing a dictate to
the cfiect that rabbits' ears, for the adorn
ment of feminine apnarel, shall be in tbe
height ot style. It is believed that tbe result
would be a rabbit famine.
Two Illinois farmers living near Tuscola
went to law over a $3 pig three years ago,
and the case was appealed until It reached
the circuit court. That court bas just de
cided that one ot the litigants shall pay for
the pig and the other pay tbe costa Alto
gether, in costs and attorneys' fees, the pig
has cost the two men $1,251.
Mrs. Merritt Trimble, Mrs. Ueorge V. Can
fleid. Miss Ellen Collins, M ss H-len Isclln,
Mrs. flenrv E. Peliew.Mrs. Everett P. Wheeler
and other New York ladies are raising a
scholarship fund of >5,000 whose Interest
shall be used to par tbe collerc expenses of
the New York woman who each year (ball
pass the best examination for entrance to
Harvard.
Tbe princess ot Wah s is «gain suffering
from an attack of deafness. She Is now com
pelled to use an e'ar trumpet, a necessity
«beb she very unwlllinglr submits to. The
k'ng of Grceee, tbe princess of Wales' brother,
Is troubled witli » like deafness, although tbe
king's case Is worse. It has lieen said of him
that he could not bear a caunon roar without
an ear trumpet.
At tbe seven hundredth performance of
"Ermlnie" In tbe New York Casino last week,
every box and seat were taken and tbe jam
packed ail of tbe available standing room.
Tht Sun says: "All ih« principals had new
pongs, aud In tbe ball-room scene thlrtv
dlckie birds in gilded cages chirped an
accompaniment to Wilson's song. Handsome
souvenirs ot tbe occasion were distributed.
Cupid has been effectually Itovcotted In
Waupaca, Wis. Tho young ladies foreswore
accepting as escorts any young men who
drink and the <onng men retaliated b? agree
ing not to seek tbe socletr of any yoitng lady
who cannot make good bread and coffee,
broil a steak, and abstain from chewing; gum.
Matters are in a verv strained condition and
it I* thought something must soon give away.
Rear Admiral Heneagc. the ofheer com
m anding the British Pacific slat'on, ia earn
ing tbe epithet of "Sir Joseph Porter." He
baa forb dden any officer or mau to walk on
the inop of the flagship wliiie he Is there and
Insists on the crew uncovering their lieads as
iong as he Is on deck. He also require« Iiis
«ffleers to wear vhita kid gloves at divisions
on Sundays atid to liav-j their frook costs aid
mules buttoned ail occasions«
I A WESTERN ADVENTURE.
Tlie Clever Rose of a Mine ttee*
sënger.
An Omaha Man Tells Hovr a Mongrel Helped
Him Save a Small Fortune-Border Bandits
Outwitted-A Handy Dog Collar.
"When I was in Dakota a few years
ago," said a citizen of Omaha some
days ago to a World man, "I was con
nected with a large mining company,
The éïimp was miies away from ahy
railroad. At ono time it became heb
cssary for some one to probeed to the
nearest i-ailroad station toi receive â
iargé amount of money. Owing to the
fact that tho camp was, like all Western
mining camps infested with cntthroats
aud blacklegs of every descr ption, and
tiitlt robberies and even murders were
frequently committed on tlie trail, the
job was considered a t'cklish ono. I
was selected as the man to perform
it. A mule was g ven me and 1 set out,
well armed, and followed by a moil
grbl dog. tile triost towardly and wbl-lh
lesà cur imaginable, i never knew
irhere lio came from. He soriiehovfr
S ugled ino out as Iiis friend and fol
lowed me Wherever I went. In duo
time and without incident worthy of
note I arrived at my destination, re
ceiving tho money, $25 000. in bills of
high denomination and negotiable pa
per, mounted ray mule and turned mv
fice hoiilettard. All Went Well until
night came on, but there was no help
för it—t bad to push forward. Util
you can imagine that 1 wished myself
safe at hbtiie.
"Along toward midnight I noticed
the outl nes against the horizon of two
horsemen on lliu crest of a hill in front
of me. Pulling up ray mule I waited.
When Ihey drew near 1 leveled my
Winchester and ordered them to halt.
Which they promptly did. Tliev turned
out to be two travelers, one a mere boy.
They related how they had been robbed
of all their valuables in a lonely place a
few hours earlier. Salisticd that they
were telling me the trttth atid that I had
nothing to fear ft-otn (hem, 1 apologised
for stopping theiu. bade them good
night. and wo proceeded on our respeo*
tite journeys, but the iinformatiou they
had impartod made mo more uneasy than
eVfer. I did not know what todo. Thero
was no hiding Ihe valuable package on
my person or about my saddle where
the robbers would not quickly find it.
Finally a now idea struck me. Why not
tie the package to the dog's collar? Ifl
was stopped the cowardly dog would be
sure to desert me and return after tho
danger was over. I crawled from the
mule: called up the dog and securely
lied tbe prec ons package to bis collar
with some stout twine 1 happened to
have about me. You may be sure that
I took a few extra turns witli the twine
around tho dog's nock to guard against
the collar com ng off. Somewhat re
lieved 1 proceeded on my wav. In ono
of the most dreary spots of the wholo
route, not far from whore the other I wo
travelers before mentioned whore "hold
up' 1 was suddenly surrounded by threo
men with drawn revolver-!. There was
no use lo show light—the odds were
against mo and I desired to live a little
while longer. They made mo dismount
and hold up my hands. I knew every
one of theiu and tbey knew me, call
ing me by nnmo and demanding
where the money was lliatl had been
scot after. I assured them that I did
not have it; that another messenger
had it nnd had taken another trail;
llivt I was simply a blind to fool road
agents. That was too thin, they sa d,
and tlioy proceeded to search mo.
Tlioy then ripped up my saddlo. aud
evnn cloeelv examined the girth, but
found nothing. After a good deal of
swearing, they bado mo get no my
mule and make myself scarcc, an in
junction which I was not slow in obey
ing. As I had ant cipated. tho dog
skulked away when I was so abruptly
brought to a halt, but he soon caught
up with me when I was onco raoro on
the move. I immediately secured the
pnrknge, all «langer now being over,
placed it in my inside pocket, nnd in an
other hour reached the camp. Yon
Tnay think it strnnge that I did not in
form on the would-be robbers, bnt we
never minded a little incident 1 ko that
m that country—t wasn't healthy lo.
A few nights afterward I met ail three
of the road agents in a saloon and
quietly told tbem how I had outwitted
them. A moro surprised and chagrin*
ed trio I have never seen. The leader
requested me lo go outsido with them
and lick liira to dealh for being such
a chump, but I declined for prudential
reasons. It seems that they got wind
of the object of my trip nnd decided
to profit by it. Not finding tho treasure
on me, they concluded that nnotho r
messenger was following with it, and
so waited until daylight, and then re
turned lo town disappointed and dis
gusted."— Omaha World.
The Moon Did It Sure.
It has been legally settled in Texas
that tbe mooin lias an immense in
fluence in eularging the brand on cat
tle, A lawsuit was ponding relative to
the ownership of a herd of catilo and
tbe solution depending upon the proof
of the brand, which wa* found on com
parison to be three limes as large as
the branding iron which the claimant
used, Thirteen witnesses were intro
duced. all them experts in branding
and herding. They sworo that when
eattlo were branded in the dark of the
moon tbe brand will never, no matter
how largo the animal may grow, get
larger than the dimensions of tho iron
used. On the other band, when either
grown cattle or caives are branded in
the light of the moon the scar will
spread and the lighter the moon the
iar er will be tbe spread. And the
suit, involving several thousand dollars
worth of, cattle, was settled oil tins tes
timony. So the question is legallv set
lied that it is the moon that does it —
St. Joseph Herald.
Difficult to Please Everybody
Grocer—Good morning, sir; what
can I do for you this fine
Mr. Smith—Don't expect any more
of my enstom, sir. I've discovered
that pure family lard yon sold mo is
half col ton seed ol and you'll take it
back, or I'll sbe, *ir. I'll
Mr. Issacks (rmdi ngin)—Mr. Grocer,
you von sheet and sell windier. I »no
son right avay. Dot bure vegetable
cotton seed friing oil vat you sell mo
is von halif hog greaic.— Omaha
World. '
I* to plomlws a soft snap.»
A cold *i
Jïmttùmn
IMP n
hMm*.
How to Lit« to Old Ag*
tbeßostbn Ëerald recently published
seterai interview* with prominent ph}£
siclaus and medical authorities oni tiie
subject of longevity. It i* rather curi
ous io note the unanimity with ftlilfch
these learned doctors agree that any
man can live to be old, if he tries.
It seems that, after all, long life is
s mply a matter of volit on. Like all
other attainments it is the result of
prudence and perseverance.
it is sa d that all animals bnt man
live tb an agC iive iimeS tlid period of
their attainmefit bf full phys'cal ma
turity; &ah attains fuÜ piivs cat ma
turity at thb ago of twenty-five. There
fore, tnaii; if lie conformed to the law
that is applicable to othet animals,
I wonld reach the ago bf onë hundred
I and twenly-tive jenrs. So it seems
. that Ihe possession of an immortal Sonl
is very prejudicial to longevity.
Perhaps men might attain to this
great age if they could pass through
life with as 1 tile care, vexation ana
nervoits Wcaf and teaf as an animal.
The moral of all this seems to be that
any ttlaii Can live lo be a Centennarian
if hë litcS like ri cow: Any man who
placidljr feeds ahd never lb nks, can be
come a patriarch in tho land and dan
dle his great, great grandchildren on
hi* knee.
Of course we all desiro length of
days; but in all seriousness is it worth
the price? A lifo concentrated in ac
t on s belter than a life dissipated in
inactivity. A man who uses his nerves
brain and muscle, does more in sixty
years of work than his placid, inactive
neighbor in one hundred years of vege
tation. Wo are not merely vegetables
und ruminants whoso principal indus
try consists in absorbing sustenance,
and sleeping. We are free agents who
shape our own dostinv, and who can
wilfully wear out our physical and
mental Constitution in doing tbe work
that comes to us. Doubtless, Shakes
peare might havo lived a round century
as a human vegetable; but we are glad
that he died at fifty-four as a Shakes
peare.
But all tii s is no argument against
a in.au taking caro of himself. A man
who slops about in tho wot without
rubbers; who doos uot exercise ordi
nary prudence in regard to llannols and
mulllcrs; who sits in draughts aud
sleeps in lier met cal ly scaled bedrooms,
is deserving of no moro praiso than if
he I ved like a boast. It is the duty of
every man to keop himself in the best
possible condit on for doing his work.
When there is no hereditary predispo
s lion lo ill health, good health is a
duty and sickness a sin. It is every
man's duty to live just as long as he
can and faithfuily do his work. To do
this he must look out for his health like
a rational creature.
But excess of caro in regard to one's
health is as pernicious as any other
kind of anxiety. Thero are health
cranks who make themselves sick in
trying to keep well. They sometimes
die of the overwork necessary to tak
ng care of themselves. No man by
taking thought can add one cubit to
lis stature, ami it is as hard to make
yourself well by nnx'ety in regard to
tho matter as it is to add o ghleen
inches lo \ our height.
The way lo become healthy and live
long is to ho careful unconsciously.
Habits of correct living cling lo one as
tenac ously as liab Is of bad liv ng.
Youthful (raining in the right direc
tion is everything. If you onco learn
to live in accordance with the laws ol
health you will do it as naturally as
winking or breathing or any othor of
the unconscious acts of 1 fe. Per hap.»
the lest recipe for attaining good
health and old ago is this: Get nlo
the habit of living correctl ; do it un
consciously, and don't make any fus*
about it.— Yankee Iliade.
Mourning Rings.
"Did you ever see a mourning ring?"
asked a Maiden lane jeweler of a re
I »orter tho other day, "well, hero is
one."
•it is a heavy gold band, perfectly
pla n, and with a seal in the shape of a
coffin. It has a glass face, through
which can he seen a skeleton in gold.
On the inside of the ring is the in
scription, iu black enamel, giving the
initials of the deceased and tho date of
death.
' These designs were used over a
century ago, nnd now they are to be ro
v ved as tho latest fa l. Some young
widows, who lind it difficult lo indicate
llie r Lereavelnent, when indoors, with
hat and flowing veil removed, lake
advantage of the ring to announce to
susceptible young men that they
havo returned to tho matrimonial
market Tlioy need not look melan
choly. A turn of the l|nger aud the
sad talo is told."
"Do mon use litem?"
"Most assuredly. Widowers have no
way of announcing their loss except by
the baud on their hats. Willi a mourn
ing ring all embarrassing uqiiirios re
garding tho deceased wifo may be
avoided, and knowledge of tho widow
er's restored eligibility quickly and
neatly imparled."— New York Mail and
Express.
Pork Replaced by Beef.
It is noted, as a curious fact that the
lumbermen iu the New England forests
who consumed little other meat than
salt pork while in camp, now demand an
almost exclusive beef diet. This is dit
partly to the diminished cost of beef
and partly to a gradual change in the
tastes and wants of these hardy toilers.
But little pork is now used, cxcept in
connection with tho popular dish of
baked beans. Immense quantities of
corned beef and also of western dress
ed fresh beef, are now consumed in tliis
industry.— Aroostook (.!/«•.) I'icneer.
little Jimmie 's Choice.
"Woll. Jimmie," said tho pastor,
who was taking dinner with the fam
ily, "don't >on sometimes feel at)
though yon would like to bo a minister
when yon grow np?"
"Yes, sir. sometimes," replied the
Uttle boy, as a shade of serious reflec
tion passed over bis bright young face.
'Tm going to be either a minister or »
horse doctor."— < hicago Tribune
Chicago 's Pure Lard.
Employe at Lard R 'finery—Mr. AH
fat, here is a note from a customer up
town who wants twentv five pounds oi
leaf lard in it* natural state.
Proprietor (highly indignant)—Tell
the blamed fool lio'll have to send to
tbe Bonthorn mills. We, don't keep
raw cottonseed.— ' hieago Tribune,
Her Victory.
Bt DICK R. C.
"Whew! how hot?" e*Cjaimed Jack
Teuton, coming in the dinning room
mopping his face.
"Don't talk about being hot, Jaok,
you are only warm. I'd just like ttf
know hoW von would feel if you'd been
cooking yourself ovof the stove all tho
morning," quietly observed lus w fe.,
as she hastily arranged tho dishes on
the table.
"Why," langhed he, "I guess I'd
feel cookedi It's too hot to eat; th s
kind of weäthtt 1 think—what have
you got for dinner? Is Ill's *ll? Who
eares for meat, potatoes, corn and such
•tuff this weather? Why didn't yon
tuako iCe Cream? What have we got
the freezer for?"
"Well now, Jack, clo be reasonable}
how could I do so much? I got up at fite
(and I don't think country peoplo get
up much earlier), went out and milked
Ihe cow« churned, got breakfast before
you were up, then while you were get
ting roady, I dressed the ch ldren, and
that's a task you may find out some
day. You know Jeunie and May have
the whooping cough und I had to be
up half the night) then baby's cutting
teeth; they kept mo pretty busy. After
breakfast; I helped Polly with the
clothes, then there was the house to
clean up, bread to bake and dinner to
get. Jack, I'd like to see you have
that much work and sit down nnd freeze
iream."
"Bet I could do it: You women make
too muoh ado about nothiug. I've been
making out reports all the morning,
and Iho confounded things won't come
out right. I'm twenty dollars short.
Ain't that enough to put a man out of
patience?"
"A man? Yes, I suppose so," sho
qu'etly remarked.
"Well now you th'nk you could do
better don't you? I've a mind to let
you try."
'•Very well, I will, we'll do just as
tli at woman in a story I road years
ago d d, and I'll bet you give in just as
he did."
••What will you bet?''
"My five dollar gold piece father
gave me last week."
"Done, we'll begin to-morrow, and
you may as well try your hand on the
reports;" ho sa'd with ill-suppressed
laughter.
"Yes? very well and you must be
very careful with the Ironing."
"What do you take me for, any baby
oan iron."
Sbe sm ling sweetly said, "Wait till
to-morrow night."
Next morning she aroused him early
and sent him out to milk; it took h m
until six to get ready, (only an hour)
and 'twas nearly seven when he return
ed. H s wifo lazily yawning said,
"Hurry, Jaok, get breakfast or I'll be
late."
Pulling himself together ho hastily
left the room. He cut his finger in try
ing to split kindiing, burnt Iiis band in
starting the fire, aud after running
around for in hour announced "break
fast ready."
Sho arose, dressed hnrriedly, drank
• enp of slop (called for courtesy, oof
fee) ate a pieoe of broad and bntter,
fine breakfast, called to him to dress
the children, wash the windows, feed
the chlokens, scrnb tbe poroh, etc.,
etc.
Then tripping along, half smiling,
she tiied to think what he would do.
Having walked several squares (ihey
I.ved in tbo suburbs of a city of about
twenty-live thousand) she hailed a car
and iu a few minutes alighted at his
office.
In she wont, raised tbe windows, ar
ranged his paper; sbe had often helped
liim just after they were married, then
beguu looking over h s troublesome re
port, Just as she was busy counting
away—"ding, ding, d ngl"rangtho tel
ephone bell. "Hello! ' she called m m
icking her husband's vo ; ce.
• Is that you Trenton?"
• Yes," came tho answer
"Are you too t red from yesterday's
run lo go down the river with ns?
There's no one to -squeal' and yon can
bring your reports as you did yester
day."
"Woll," sho thought, ••this is taking
his place in earnest" Scarcely taking
time to think, she said:
"Not to-day, I'll fix up my papers
first"
"Oh, all right," came the answer.
He's a pretty fellow telling me he's
•o hot, and going out having a good
time. Very well, I'll just fix him. Pll
get those reports out, and then write
lo the boss for a vacation!"
If he could have seen her laugh—
hugely enjoying herself at his expense
—he would have been eveu more an
gry than iie was.
Al noon she sauntered into tbe din
ing room saying, "Whew! how hot!"
He. unawares, replied. "If you'd
been in tho kit—" thon remembering,
bit Iiis lip and hurried to the kitchen.
The children came running to meet
•'mama" and such a sight!
"Why, Jack, you've put Jennie's
dressa on. wrong side out, and May's
shoes not buttoned, and, oh. goodness
what a dirty baby!"
"Jack, couldn't yon make Jennie
help? don't you know you said she was
big enough lo help lots; she's fivo you
know."
He came in carrying a dish of under
done meat and fried potatoes burnt
black.
"Is that all?" she said, calmly sur
veying the table; why didn't you have
something cold, frozen cream for in
stance?"
"Here is some lemonade," he qnietly
remarked.
"How d.d you get on with the iron
ing?"
"Oh!" be exclaimed, as though
struck, '•have you seen 'em!"
"By ''em' I suppose you mean the
clothes. How on earth did you burn
baby's gown so badly, and yonr shirts,
why didn't yon iron tbem smooth and
nice? yoü' ve always sa d you could do
better than I—well, you'll have to wash
and iron those things over again, that's
all." Then, glancing up. her eyes full
ol misch et "Do you repent?"
"Ob, no," he replied, smiling a
rather forced smile, making hor want
to take his plaoo. "I'll get used to it
and stick it out the week. How doyon
like office workP" be asked, obnckling
softly
••It seems to agree with me. I got
out all the reports and fonnd yonr miss*
Ing 990, I présuma you wer« too muoh
interested at —— yesterday."
He *tart*fi W« h.!il. "How did
know?"
••-!owP Ono of tho boys aaked naO
4o give lb® 'boss' the slip and bring ro»
ports as you d d yesterday."
"Ohl I forgot—woll. I— I— nov I
won't either; don't give me away,
Clara, that's a good g'rL Just pretead
to bo me, eh? '
"Indeed, yes?' was her quick reply.
Thou hastily, "I can't go to work this
Wtw I must have somo dinner; I'll
stop In Arnod's on my way down."
Before be or the children could speak
sho was gone.
Busy splashing water on tbe d slies;
ho was thinking: *1 can't stand this n
Week, I know—there goes that infernal
baby aga nj don't see why ch ldren
can't be born with tlio'r teetb instead
of waiting nearly a year and worrying
near'v ever* body to death—there, tho
young rascal's asleep; it's threo o'clock,
my wator's cold and dishes greasy—
bother it all? I'd give In tonight only I
know she'd crow. Bolieve I will any
how—ding, ding. There's that door
bell, visitors at this time of day ought
to bo hanged. Jennie, run quick, say
'mama's not at home.' "
"Yes'r."
"Here's a note, papa," she said, re
turning.
• Hello, wonder if she backed out,"
at this be wore a broad smile—it soon
gave way to a frown, however, while
reading. Tbe note ran:
D iar J ack : I'm off to J Tho "Boss"
bas Riven me a ten days' vacation—will be at
destination by time you cet tbls. Applied
this A. M. In your name. Hope the children
won't be cross. Lovingly,
Cl.ARA.
•Gee-e-ru-sn-lem! this won't do, she
was to do my work, not get my vaca
tion. Jennie, I'll rock tho baby, you
go down the garden, you know whero
Polly lives? Well, tell bor papa wants
to see her."
Away ran the little one, soon return
ing with a strong, neat-looking Ger
man girl.
"Polly," he began. "I believe you
oan attond to those children better limn
I can, as you were Jenn e's nurse. I
guess you know whoro to look for
things. Just dress 'em up so wo can
leave on tho live o'clock train. Then
slra ghten things up Mrs. Teuton
wont away suddenly and I—I thought
I'd iron and clean up and surprise her,
but I—didn't you see." He paused,
blushing.
"That's all right sir, I clean up. dec
lake tings home to wash und iron."
"Yes, that's it; and Pollt', when
you've finished," draw ng out his
purse, "take this and come over to
J and tako caro of the childron."
People smiled as they saw a man in
the cars awkwardly takaig care of
three babies, and as the porter called
out J , if anyone had seen him
smile thoy would havo thought liira
the happiest of men.
At tho hotel he was met by his wife
who had been expecting him.
He caught lier in h s arms nnd called
her his "blessing." Sho drew him in
to tbe quiet sitting-room, the l ttle
ones follow.ng. Then pulting her arms
around h s nock, said, with the faint
est trace of triumph: "Who won?"
"O, Clara," be replied, as he gave
her tho baby, "you'll never have all
the work to do ngatn and I'll never
ask for ice cream."
"Now that's my dear old sweetheart
back again. Did you think I didn't
feel for you? Why. Jaok. 11 it hadu't
been so funny I'd have given in at
noon. And to' stay away from my
bab es, too!"
"Wo'll stay here for onr vacation,
Clara and Polly will help with the
children."
"I think I havo gained; nnd my
dear, you won t laugh at woman's
work again, will you?"
"No. indeed. I think you must have
been an angel to stand it so long."
"But," she said, laugh ngly, 'Tvo
had my revenge."— Yankee Blade.
My Cigarette.
My cigarette! The sftiniet
Tint charma afar unrest and sorrows,
The magic wand that, far beyond
To-day, can conjure up to morrow ;
Like love's desire thy crown of fin;
So softly wlili tbe twlilebt blending;
And ah! mtsecins, a poet's dreams
Are In thy wreaths of smoke descending.
My clgsrette 1 Can I forget
How Kate and I, In sunnr weather,
Sat In tbe shade the ehu-tree made.
And rolled tbe fragrant weed together!
I, at her side beatified,
To hold and guide her fingers willing;
Sbe, rolling slow the papera suow,
Pulting my heart In with the filling.
My cigarette I I see her yet—
The white smoke from her red lips curling,
Her dreaming eyes, her soft replies,
Her gentle sighs, her langbter purling I
Ah, dainty roll, whose parting soul
Ebbs out In manr a snowy billow,
I, too, would bum if I might earn
Upon ber lips so soft a pillow t
Ah, cigarette 1 Thn gay coqnet
lias long forgot tlie flumes she lighted,
And you and I unthinking by
Alike are thrown, alike are alighted.
Tbe darkneas gathers fast'without,
A raindrop on my window plashes;
My clxarette and lirart are out.
And nangbt Is left me bat their ashes.
—Harvard Ctimton.
A Dog-Washing Prof3S3or.
There aro all sorts of wa' s of earn*
ing a living in a big cliy. Ono of the
most recent that ln\s come to my notice
is that of dog washing. Thero is a
Frenchman here who makes a com
fortable income bv wash ng dogs. He
has a graded scale of pricey and ia
as busy as can be nli day long. For
large dogs, St Bernard, mastiffs and
Newfoundlands, lie gets 91 for each
wash ng; for setters and collies and
dogs of that size, sevenly-five cents,
and for pug and other toy dogs, fifty
cenla. He has It's own towels, combs
and brushes, bnt the owners of the
dogs snpply the soap. As most dog
çoaps are expensive, nnd as it takes
nearly a cake to wash a St. Bernard,
this is * w se arrangement
He also makes a specialty of destroy
ing fleas on dogs, but for this he asks a
special pr'ce. ns it s a te lious job, for
be catohes them fie t by fij;t. and. as
every ono knows, this is no mean task.
A few tears ago people not only did
not keep dogs to the extent they do
now, bnt they did not take the same
care of I hem, and there wero very few
who would imve spent 50 cents or $1
a week for dog washing. Now there
are any nnraber who are vory glad to
got it done for the price. In tho eyes
of.a dog-lover titer« is nothing -more
melancholy than an uncared-for dog.—
Sew York Letter.
"The time* will Improve When tobogganing
is over," tald Jours. "How's thatI" aslud
Smith. "Well, ire won't see so many people
going down kill tbei!."—£<Mf*H Courier,