The Caldwell tribune. [volume], June 16, 1888, Image 2

About The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928

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CALDWELL TRIBÜNE.
UTK! NKNBEB« HliON., PnblUb»!«.
CALDWELL,
IDAHO.
PERTINENT POINTS.
J'lioro is a growing suspicion that
Adam Bitdeau is Adam Badegg.— SL
i'aul Otobe.
Tiio snow is so deep in Hartford,
Conn., lhal Mark Twain can pet in no
sense abroad.— New York World.
Adam never worried Eve by talking
».bout his mother's cooking, and yet
they found something to fall out about
—New Orleans Picayune.
Mrs. Klubmann: "Going away? Yon
do not know how lonesome it is here
evenings." Mr. Klubmann: "Yes, I
do; that's the reason I'm going out."
—Puck.
In view of the fact that Easter will
loon arrive let us hope that the grand
master rooster will not order out all
the hens. Such a strike would bo a
calamity.— Nebraska Stats Journal.
By what narrow chances men some
times miss becoming famous! Here is
old Daniel Drawbaugh who came with
in one vote of being the original inven
tor of the telephone.— Boston Herald.
if ever Dr. Hammond proves his
theory tlint there is no physiological
necessity for death what a lot of re
gret it will cause among those who
died before the discovery was made.—
Philadelphia Press.
The appearance of balls of blue fire
shooting around the halls of congress
is a pentle hint to our legislators of
what may happen to them next fall if
they do not quit fooling and attend to
business.— Pittsburgh Dispatch.
When a woman attempts to read a
long and interesting lecture to a man
oa the sin of chewing tobacco she
should always ba careful to remove the
pum from her anpelic mouth before
commences.— Lincoln Journal.
"What do you publish a paper for,
I'd liko to know?" sarcastically in
quired an irate politician, tackling a
country editor. "For $2 a year, in ad
vance, responded the editor, and you
owe for four years."— Washington
Critic.
Art dealer: "1 can't see why you
should object to that picture of Spring,
Mr. Comstock. Tho» ligure certainly
is draped." Comstock: "Yes, but
it's a glaring untruth. Where are
her umbrella and overshoes—to say
nothing of a chest-protectorP"— Judge.
A Paradox.
She filled my glass up to the brim,
Tills damsel divine,
And left me a kiss on tbe rim,
To flavor the wine.
I laughed, as I gazed in lier eyes,
And tossed off the cup,
But cupid lay hid in its dyes—
And 1 drank him up.
Since then deep dejection Is mine,
And sorrow my plight;
My appetite's on the decline,
I can't sleep at night,
Nor can I quite readily see.
Ye immortals above!
If Love—the sly rascal—'s in mo.
Why I am in love.
—Howard Seely, in Tid JJits.
Who is Never Crazy?
There are many firm believers in the
theory that most people are crazy at
times, and facts seem to support their
belief. The following:, from a source
unknown to the writer, will likely re
mind a number of oar readers of some
incident |iu thoir experience, which at
tho time of its occurrence seemed to
them most unaegftunjtable:
__Ji&~WTso man will step backward off
n porch or into a mud puddle, a great
philosopher will hunt for the specks
that are in his hand or on his forehead,
a hunter will sometimes shoot himself
ot his dog. A workinp-girl had been
feeding a great clothing knife for ten
years. One day she watched the knife
come down slosvly upon her hand. Too
late she woke up out of her stupor with
one head gone. For a few seconds lier
mind had failed, and sho sat by her
machine a temporary lunatic, and had
watched the knife approach her own
hand. A distinguished professor was
teaching near a canal. Walking along
one evening in Summer he walked as
deliberately into the canal as he had
been walking along the path a second
before. He was brought to his senses
by the water and mud and the absurd
ity of the situation. He had on a new
suit of clothes aud a new silk hat, but
though the damage was thus great, he
still lauglis over the adventure. Our
mail collectors lind in the iron boxes all
sorts of papers and articles which have
been put in by some hand from whose
motions the mind has become detached
tor a second. A glove, a pair of spec
tacles, a deed, a mortgage, a theatre
ticket, goes in, and on goes the per
son, holding on to the regular letter
which should have been deposited.
This is called absent-mindedness, but
is a brief lunacy."— Scientific Ameri
can.
Andy Johnson's Grave.
Andy Johnson's grave is at Green
ville. Tenn. It is on one of the high
sst bluffs in the vicinity of the town,
and the tall eagle-crowned shaft that
marks the spot can be seen from the
East Tennessee, Virginia and Georgia
railroad for several miles. Travelers
approaching the town watch for it
with eager eyes. The lot is neatly in
inclosed with iron fence, and the in
closure contains in addition to the
principal shaft several smaller monu
ments. Several children of he dead
president are buried around him, and
the lot throughout bears evidence of
the most sedulous care and attention.
The most imposing feature of the
shaft is the bronze eagle on the top. Its
bead is turned toward tho Appalachian
range—grandly blue in the distance—
and its wings are spreading as though
the great American bird was preparing
to fly away to the pine-covered ravines
of the mountains.
In the foreground is the quaint little
town of Greenville—a sleepy village
just awakening from a Rip Van Win
kle sleep of twenty years aud a half as
much more. It was in this tittle town
that Andy Johuson lived and followed
his trade, and a faded sign on an
old-fashioned house is still bearing the
legend:
: A. JOHNSON, ;
I T ailok. j
There is some reverence for old
things in Greenville, and the faded
sign is sacred.— Philadelphia News.
A basket picnic is a no-table event— Ex
fjiange.
hACT AND FANCY.
Mrs. Folsome is enjoying life In Pari«.
Swinburne, the poet, is barely lire feet
blgb.
Bismarck will be seventy-throe years old
April L
A man In Atlantic City makes good wine
from tomatoes.
Baltimore talks of crectlng a monumental
statue of Johns Hopkins.
Green's "Short History of England" bas
; readied a sale of 130,000 copies.
Miss Booth, o.' Harper's Bizar, is said to
ram $13,0J0 a year, including ber salary of
IS, MX).
Tbj bodies of Schubert and Beethoven are
to lie removed presently to tbe new cemetery
at Vienna.
Arthur Schleman, of Sanford, Fla., killed a
rattlesnake toe other day and found in it a
largre rabbit.
Mrs. Garret Anderson, the leading woman
physician of England, makes an income of
130,000 a year.
It is tbougbt that tbe opening of the Sioux
Reservation will inaugurate a lively boom in
Southern Dakota.
Prof. Swine: has said the briefest thing on
"Christian Science": "It is not Christian,
and It is not science."
Miss Fellows, the Djkita girl who has de
termined to marr/ an Indian, still adheres
Immovably to that Intention.
Rev. Dr. Fcwsmlth. of Newark, N. J., may
t>e Interested to know that there is a man in
Montana named Manvsmith.
Senator Hoar has received the degree of
LL. D. from Harvard, Amherst, Yale, Will
iams, and William and Mary's.
Andrew Carnegie denies that he is to erlve
11,0*0,000 to establish a polytechnic school
at Pittsburg equal to tbe one at Boston.
The autobiography of Garibaldi will not ap
pear in book form until It has undergone
serial publication in Harper 's Magazine.
Miss Grace Arlle, a white girl, of Toledo,
had typhoid fever and when she recovered
her skin was as black as that of a negro.
St. John, the Prohibitionist, has purchased
a tract of land near Chico, Cal., with the in
tention of making it his permanent home.
The first slave labor within the present
limits of tbe United States was that em
ployed at the founding of St. Augustine In
1565.
At tbe Queen's first drawing-room this
year "more high bodices were worn by -special
permission than had ever been observed be
töre."
A mushroom was recently cooked at
äanta Barbara, Cal., that measured eight
Inches In diameter. It was said to be deli
cious.
The total value ot glass products imported
Into the United States in 1887 was $7,686, -
)51, against $6,757,108 worth Imported in
1880.
The choirs of the Church of England in
clude 154,000 voluntary and 19,000 paid male
singers and 57,000 voluntary and 2,100 female
singers.
The swords in the possession of Mrs.
Shields, belonging to her late husband, tien.
James Shields, are to be purchased by Con
gress for $10,000.
Mr. Carlisle is now in his third term as
3peaker, and when he has completed it
Kentucky will have had the Speakership
twenty-three years.
The average time of 3,003 New York busi
ness men at their down-town luncheon Is
sight minutes. This is a matter of record in a
leading restaurant
Senator Dawes, of Massachusetts, is past
seventy, and his health is breaking down. He
lias spent more than thirty years in the two
Houses of Congress.
A San Francisco suicide left a note request
ing that his body be not put on ice, "/or,"
said lie, "I am always cold and would like
jnce to get warm."
By the will of Prof. Asa Gray, of Cambridge,
all his copyrights of books, his portraits of
botanical subjects are presented to the Her
barium of Harvard College.
Mrs. John W. Maekay's gift .to the Prince
ind Princess of Wales, on the occasion of their
silver wedding, is a toilet mirror heavily
mounted and embossed in silver.
Louisa, tbe mother of the dead Kaiser,
ivrote in 1808: "Our son William will turn
mit, if I am not much mistaken, like his
fiither, simple, honest and intelligent"
Jlenry Wiek, who recently took charge of
Ihe plant of the Warren Rolling Mill Com
pany, at Warren, O., will expend about $20,
)00 In putting the works in shape to run.
Henry Clay is the only man who sat more
ilian eight years in tbe Speaker's chair. He
presided over the House for twelve years, and
ae was elected Speaker at the age of thirty
four.
A check for $2,0)0,000, drawn on a national
iiank in Sheffield, Ala, recently passed be
Iwecn two merchants of that place. It was
probably the largest check ever drawn In the
State.
A notable event in the history of the Uni
reralty of Michigan 'Is the election of Dr.
Hattie Allen, of Waterloo, la., to fill the po
sition of Assistant Professor of Medicine in
that institution.
Oliver Lay's portrait of Edwin Booth upon
which he lias been long engaged, is now on
inhibition at Richard's Gallery, in New York,
tt shows the actor as "Hamlet" seated in the
soliloquy scene.
New York retail merchants find the dogs,
irhich are led by chains by fashionable wo
Tien.such a nuisance in their stores that many
bave put up a gilt sign reading: "Dogs are
□ot admitted here unless in arms."
A large sawfish, fourteen feet in length, was
saught in the bay at the mouth of the My
»Ikka River, Florida, last week. Dr. King,
it Boston, made the unusual catch while fish
ing for tarpon with a hook and line.
Rev. Mr. Chenoweth, of Moutpelier, Ind.,
ffbo bus been suffering from a serious gastric
iffection, attributes his illness to a silver
quarter which he swallowed six years ago and
which he believes Is still lodged in his
stomach.
John Farrell had courted an niinois wo
man 18 years. When he finally decided
that the time bad come for them to part she
Sung a swill pall after him and broke his hip,
ind the jury who tried tbe case returned a
verdict of "not guilty" without leaving their
seats.
George Webster, the historiographer cele
brated his eightieth birthday a few days ago
it Heidelberg, Germany. He Is probably the
most popular of alUlie German historians, his
:omi>eudium of the history of the world form
ing part of the library of nearly every edu
;ated German.
A recently imported French artist consents
to prepare tbe dinners of the Vanderbilt
f«m ly In New York for a money consideration
af $10,000 per year and the distinction of be
ing known—not as "the cook," but as "the
^astronomical director;" and Vanderbilt gives
Uiin the salary and tbe title claimed.
Albert Fraier, a convict in the Michigan
pcnilcntiary, escaped and a reward was
jfferod for his capture. He communicated
with his wife, who was having a hard struggle
with poverty, and induced her to deliver him
•ip and get the reward. So she did, and
Freier is happier thau he has been for years.
Miss Mary Hankey was the first woman to
graduate from Columbus college, taking her
lcjtrce of Bachelor of Arts last summer. At
Columbia she took Latin, Greek, Anglo
Saxon, French, German, Italian and Spanish,
md >et withal was a practicle housekeeper,
i good musician and a clever draughts
womau.
A neat and handy receptacle for the soiled
doilies can be made of a small sized barrel
:hat lias been well cleaned, and from which
ill nail ends have been removed. This should
je covered with figured calico, plaited from
top to bottom, and with a small ruffle around
:bc top. The lid may be covered smoothly
ffltli tbe same, and have a small knob screwed
n for a handle.
The following are the ages of tbe principal
•ules of the world: William III. of the
Netherlands, 71; Christian IX. of Denmark,
*); Victoria of England, 69; Peter II. of
Jr.iz l 63; Nesser ed Deen of Persia, 60;
/ran a is Joseph of Austria, 59; Oscar IL of
jwed 59; Carnot. President of France, 49;
Mexmder III. of Russia, 44; Humbert of
Italy, 44; Mutsuhito of Japan, 37; Kuang Su
if China, 17,
PULVERIZE The RUM POWER.
I ii« Coat of Bom to tbe Drinking
Man.
Rum costs. The man who paya a
dime for a drink thinks lightly ot it,
but when ho takes twenty drinks a day
he has paid $ 2 for Rum alone—which,
multiplied by 365, gives the neat sum
of $730 per year. Now, while there
are many drinkers who as yet do not
indulge to the extent of a score of
"nips" a day, there are also a large
number who exceed that—who go as
high as thirty or forty daily. Then,
too, it is not necessary that a man
shall himself drink the entire twenty,
or the whole forty, as the case may
be. Your drinking man is generally a
"jolly fellow," at least while the fumes
of Rum are in his brain; and he is con
stantly "treating" as well as being
"treated." He drops into a saloon to
get a "sustaiuer," and finds a half-doz
en men with whom he has a drinking
acquaintance. "What will yon take?"
springs to his lips instinctively, and he
pays for seven drinks. And this ex
perience may be repeated a half-dozen
times each day. The drinking man of
convivial habits always pays for more
Rum than he drinks himself, because
there are always a lot of hangers-on
about saloons, who are generally out
of money, but who will drink with any
body who w<ll stand the expense, and
never return the compliment
The actual cash outlay of the Rum
habit is so great that only a million
aire can stand the financial strain for
any length of time. The man of
moderate means ruins himself, in a
money sense, in the indulgence of the
appetite for that which also distroys
him physically and mentally. But
what is actually expended by him for
his own drink is by no means all. The
man full of Rum is careless with his
cash, reckless of his expenditures, and
totally unfit to transact business of any
kind which requires a clear head and a
cool brain. The exhilaration conse
quent upon his potations makes him
feel as though he is made of money,
and he pays it out with a recklessness
that cerla nly must bring regret to
his sober moments. He docs with it
the most extravagant things, and it
goes, he knows not where. Under the
reckless promptings of the Rum Dev.l,
the man flush of money is pretty sure
to do one of two things—either visit a
gambling-room and waste his money,
or seek the gilded haunts of vice and
pour it out in the lap of her whose foot
steps, according to Solomon, "take
hold on hell."
It may be set down as a fact that tho
drinking man can never accumulate
money, unless he is the fortunate pos
sessor of a bonanza—abusiuess that is,
as to its profits beyond any considera
tion of expenditure, no matter how
reckless. Rum has burned a hole in
his pocket wh.ch leaks faster than any
ordinary business or money-making
avocation will replenish it Bank
ruptcy and finaucial ruin are inevitable.
The drinking man is at a disadvantage
in his business, because the money
which would be used to push trade, or
tide over dull t mes, or extend his
operations into new lines or new terri
tory, is spent for Rum, and in the ex
cesses wh ch follow in the trail of that
demon. He becomes more and moro
involved, and tries retrenchment, in all
ways but the one which is his ruin.
Ho will lop off all needless expenditure
save that for Rum and its attendant
vices. But they are like the horse
leeche's daughters; they cry "Give,
give,'' until the man becomes desper
ate; lie who was reckless incidentally
now becomes reckless habitually. The
crash of financial ruin comes, and his
course from that time is a direct plunge
into habitual drunkenness, poverty,
and financial death.
Reader, did yon ever consider the
grim fact—for fact it is—that ninety
per cent of the men engaged in legiti
mate lines of trade in this couutry fail
sooner or later? And did you ever
trace this back to its cause. The path
way of trade is strewn with wrecks,
and nine out of ten of them was caused
by Rum. It should be plain to all that,
in theso days of tierce competition in
trade, the legitimate profits in any line
of business are too small to stand the
drain on the pocket imposed by the
Rum habit. Apparently the cheapest
of all dissipations, drinking is the most
costly. All other extravagances have
a limit; but the thirst for Rum is limit
less. It is like the ocean, which re
ceives all the rivers of the world, yet
is never any fuller. The more you
drink the more you must, and there
can be but one end to both the drinker's
money and his physical endurance.
Rum not only costs frightfully in
money, but it takes away the power to
make money. It is as dangerous to a
man's finances as it is to his body, bis
mind, and his soul.
But though it is a fact that ninety
per cent, of our business meu fail,
sooner or later, the influence of Rum
is causing the failure of at least nine
out of every ten is not so clearly seen.
We do not mean to say that these all
fail because they drink up the money
that should be used in business. While
many do this, there are many others
who do not, and yet whose downfall is
just as surely the result of Rum as
if they had done so. To do a success
ful business in these rushing days,
when every avenue of trade is the
arena of keen competition, requires
brains. It will not do that a man shall
have business sagacity, that he shall be
sharp in bargaining and quick-witted to
avail himself of every opening for pro
fit. He must not only be nil these, but
he must remain so; and he must give
all his attent on to hi3 business. Now,
he cannot do these things and dally
with Rum. With many men, a single
glass of the infernal stuff benumbs the
brain-,< and the man in this condition,
with his mental faculties clouded with
the fumes of Rum, can never hope to
succeed in the struggle with a competi
tor of equal natural ability who never
touches Rum, and so keeps his head
clear, his wits keen, and has all his
acuities on the alert. He who drinks
will surely fall behind, through his dull
wits. His trade deserts him, he has
lost the ability he once possessed
through soaking his brain in Rum, and
he goes to the wall. The cause is slat
ed as "bad debts," or something simi
lar. But these are the result of drink,
and Rum ia really the cause of his
failure.
The business man who begins to
drink might just as well close up his
establishment at once, if he intends to
continue tbe unequal effort to copo
with Runi and with his business jriv als
at the same time. There is no line ot
safety bat in the entire abandonment
of Rum. He may keep his head
above water for a few years, bat the
inevitable end will as surely come.
Viewing these facts, is there not per
tinency in the claim that it is the high
est duty of man to save his fcrothei
man from himself? Th s insidious
devil of Rum, when he once got s his
claws fastened npon a victim, nevei
loosens his hold till he has him at
the mouth of the pit of helL So lon£
as Rum can be had, men will be weak
enough and foolish enough to drink it
There is but one way to save human
ity, and that is by rendering it impos
sible to obtain it And there is but one
way to accomplish this most desirable
result—by Prohibition. Thus only can
we save our fellow-men from Rum,
and
Pulverize the Rum Power.—Toledo
Blade.
Murder, Temporary Aberration,
or a Joke?
It was the first of April.
She knocked as most of them da
and by this token; the editor knew it
was a woman. Before he said "come
in," he succeeded in swallowing a
huge groan by means of an immense
yawn, for he had just dismissed his
tenth caller for that morning.
She had a vague little air of business
about her that was unusual enough to
disconcert him somewhat for they
generally look daggers at his shirt
sleeves, and reproachful at not being
affered a rocking chair and a fan.
"Is this the editor of the funny
column," she asked, with an "isn't
that a cute one?" smile. But ho pre
tended to be deeply absorbed examin
ing some cuts just sent up and answer
ed, absently: "Well, I sometimes
scissor out a Puckering or two between
the writing of obituary poems."
But she was not to be thus deflected
from her steadfast purpose. "Oil!"
she said, in a matter-of-fact voice,
"that's easy. I have written loads of
obituaries; I once wrote half a column
of the loveliest poetry you ever saw on
the death of my sister-in-law's great
aunt and every one said it was phe
nomenal with what touch I worked in
the genealogy so poetically. I felt so
flattered when some one said it made
him think of Mark Twain's poem, 'The
Story of a Gallant Deed.' But I've
taken a new departure lately; I've
written some jokes,—real cute ones,
too, and—did you speak?" she broke
off abruptly, her attention arrested
from fumbling in her hand bag by an
odd sort of smothered sound that
seemed to proceed from the editor's
direction.
•No," he gasped feebly, casting a
hunted and desperate look out of his
fifth story window, and calculating tho
chances of being safely caught by the
nest of telegraph wires, if he should
jump.
Having emptied everything from the
inside of lier bag into her lap, she sud
denly remembered that her jokes were
in the outside pocket, and swept the
heterogeneous mass back with a light
ning change gesture..
As she handed her MSS. to tho
editor, he saw that they not rolled but
folded, and his nervous system receiv
ed another terrible shock.
"Hero are six, and I would like to
send you twelve a week," she said in a
brisk, determined tone.
The editor took them with a patheti
cally resigned air, and glanced them
over. Five he laid aside with an "1
thought so" expression, but at the
sixth, he started, shivered, turned pale,
rubbed his forehead, glared wildly al
his persecutor, read it again, and then
with one fierce whoop rushed past her
and threw himself down the elevator
shaft
When they picked him up, he could
just articnlate, with fluttering breath.
"It was really an original joke, you
know, aud by a woman Then he ex
pired, and the expression of grieved
amazement still lingered on li s
lineaments when his stricken relatives
took their last farewell look.
She wastried for willful and pre
meditated murder. But the judge said
the extenuating circumstance in the
case was the day on which the act was
committed, and no jury could be got
to grasp the delicately complicated na
ture of the evidence for the prosecu
tion.
They disagreed, and she has been
sent for permanent detention to a pri
vate asylum for the treatment of those
afflicted with Aprilalysis.— Detroit
Free Press.
Old Age.
A medical man compares an old man
to an old wagon; with light loading
and careful usage it will last for years,
but one heavy load or sudden strain
will break it and ruin it for ever.
Many people reach the age of fifty or
»ixty or seventy, measurably free from
most of the pains and Infirmities of
age, cherry in heart aud sound in
health, ripe in wisdom and experience,
with sympathies mellowed by age, and
with reasonable prospects and oppor
tunities for continued usefulness in the
world for a considerable time. Let
such persons be thankful, but let them
also be careful. An old constitution is
like an old bone, broken with ease,
mended with difficulty. A young tree
bends to the gale, an old one snaps
and falls before the blast A single
bard lift an hour of healing work, an
Byening of exposure to rain or damp, &
severe chill, an excess of food, the
usual indulgence of an appetite or pas
sion, a sudden fit of anger, an improper
lose of medicine* any of these or similar
things may cut off a valuable life in an
hour, and leave the fair hopes of use
fulness and enjoyment but a shapeless
wreck.— Scottish American.
Identified at Once.
"Was there nothing on the person
>f the deceased to ind cate where he
ïame from?" inquired the Coroner.
"There was an envelope addressed to
J. Hawkins and postmarked Hopkins
rille. The name of the Slate was illeg
ible," replied the witness.
"Nothing else?" said the Coroner.
"Nothing. All we found in his pock
sts was that envelope and a quart
lask"
"Gentlemen." interrupted the Coro
îer, with decision, '-the name of the
leceased was Hawking, and his home
vas Hopinsv lle, YLy."—Chicago Trib
Pliopnln-* Is too much of a swoet buy nnd
>uy lor the frugal hus'j)i||4, It cloys od the
•»I«,— Yonkert Gaxette. ' ■
John's Country Customer.
John Harvey had boen a clerk in a
country store in Vermont since he was
15 years old, and he was now 20. He
had been reared and educated by his
mother, who was no longer very young
when John was born, and consequent
ly entered upon the infirmities of old
age when her boy had arrived at the
age of manhood. Her husband was
long since dead.
John was a handsome country lad,
active, obliging and courteous. These
qualities attracted the attention of a
New York merchant who was spending
a summer month in Vermont and he
offered him a situation in his store.
Although John's mother knew how
more than lonely she would be without
her boy, she felt how valuable this
change would prove to him, and so
gave her consent to his going.
"I know mv boy will not forget his
mother," she said. "And one thing,
my child," she added, "let me impress
upon you. You will be surrounded by
giddy fellow clerks, many who will look
with contempt upon the humbly-clad
people who come to buy, and only servo
them vvitli reluctance—perhaps rude
ness. Never forget your mother and
that the humblest woman may be
somebody's dear old mother. And re
member, loo, what you have read in
the school reader, that *:ippearances
are often deceiving,* and that a well
filled purse may lie in the pocket of a
rusty coat."
That was the mother's advice, and it
turned out that John heeded it« Tho
great iron dry-goods shop in Broadway
with ils white facade and its counters
inside heaped high with marvellously
beautiful fabrics, was indeed a change
lo John, and the rich and astonishingly
dressed women in great contrast to the
country dames in sunbonncts and
g ngham gowns that he had been
accustomed to serve.
But now and then came customers
from the country; there was no mis
laking them. Their dresses had a
home-made look and their bonnets ut
lerly lacking the peculiar audacity of
cilv hats. They preferred their requests
in a timid way, as if feeling lost nnd
strange, and uncurtain if they had any
right in so grand a shop; the clerks
snubbed them or were insoleut But
lo John the country faces were always
pleasant, anil ho was invariably so no
ticably kind to rural customers that
his counter Very soon became the cen
tre of country custom. His fellow
clerks would sing out when there was
an appearance of "country cousins,"
"Customers for you, Harvey!" or
"Here comes some of Hnryey's
friends."
But one day the country woman
missed the "very obliging clerk," and
upon inquiry were told that he had
been transferred to the cloak depart
ment. Very well! one old lady who
had a young g rl with her. sa d she
wanted to buy a cloak. So upstairs
ihey went—a qu:ilnt-"lookiiig pail' that
set tiie clerks in a giggle, and they sly
'y winked and blinked at each other as
Ihey sent around the password: "Har
vey's friends," "good luck to you Har
vey," laughed one. 'Now's your
chance lo get rid of those last year's
beaver sacques! Maybe they will go as
high ns SlOl"
But if the old lady and her niece had
been dowager and princess, they could
not have been moro courteously treated
than they were by John. "She's some
body's dear old mother, I'll warrant,"
ho said to himself, and then in a pleas
ant manner asked her what sho would
like lo see.
"Velvet cloaks!" sho replied.
John took from the hooks of the
wardrobes cloaks vary ng in price from
$50 to $300. The clerks kept up their
fun at John's exnense, but he did not
care. Afler considerable delay in making
up lier m nd.the old lady sa d she wanted
some furs and would look over a velvet
cloak valued at $250 John readily
gratified her with dressing tip a lay
figure with the cloak and $400-set of
furs. After a little his customer said
they suited her, and asked how much
all would be. John made a feint at
counting up the figures, and said $650.
" Very well; I will tako them," she said,
and drawing a rusty-looking pocket
book from her petticoat proceeded to
count out the money. As the bills were
mostly lives and tens, they made a no
ble pile, and as John took them from
her hand, he held them purposely so as
to exaggerate their appearance and
skipped around among the clerks with
great gusto.
"Nearly seven hundred dollars from
my Tooral friends,' " lie exulted. "No
last year beavers for them, if you
please, and the g rl is as sweet as the
roses and pinks in my mother's gar
den."
That day's sale was a coup de bonheur
for John Harvey. It gave him an im
portance in the eyes of his employes
who increased his salary and placed
him at the head of tho department.
Two years later he wooed and won the
girl "sweet as the pinks and roses''
who brought him beside her sweetness
and beauty a snug little fortune which
seemed all tho bolter from having been
accumulated where the pinks and roses
bloom. He then returned lo Vermont
to remain with his mother during her
remaining yoars, not as a clerk in the
old country store, but as its owner and
proprietor, and which is to-day, be
cause of i's neatness, tasteful ordering
and abundant furnishing noted the
couutry around as tho "best store in
tho State." The villagers too, like
John's wife, because of her simplo and
sweet way; and it was her aunt—the
old lady herself—who told me the story
of John's good fortune which all grew
out of well directed politeness to "coun
try folks."— Mary Wagner-Fisher, in
Wide Awake.
Only One Place Open.
Omaha Man—Live in New York, eh?
I suppose you had a pretty tough time
during the blizzard.
New York Man—For two days there
wasn't a store in my block open.
Snow was piled up ten and twenty
feet in front of the doors. 1 sleep in
my place of business and might have
starved if my customers had not dug
their wav to the door.
"Your customers?"
"Yes they got shovels and drove a
tunnel to the front entrance before I
got up."
"Well, that was kind. By the way,
what business are you in?"
•'X keep a galoon."— Omaha World.
HE CAUGHT A SUCKER.
The Experience of a Man "Who Tortl
fled Ills l'ocket will» fl^liliooUs—A
Catch Tlint Weighed 100 rounds.
• Bill Charters," said a man in a Main
street cigar store to a Stockton (Cal.)
Mail reporter, "was fond of fishing.
On winter evenings at home, if he had
nothing better to do, he would haul out
his fishing tackle and inspect it thor
oughly. and then, after mak ng two or
three new-fangled fly-liooks, he'd place
the outfit back in its box, at the same
time knowing that he'd be unable to
use his tackle for probably six months.
"Bill l.ved in Boston when I first
knew him. That was eighteen years
ago. lie was a tinsmith by trade. I
went up one night to see him concern
ing some work he had been engaged on
for several days. Bill was in tho din
ing-room examining his fishing tacklo
when I entered.
"One huge batch of hooks attracted
my attention. There was probably
thirty very small eyehooks. all sewed
securely to a jagged piece of cloth
string drilling—about the size of your
hand.
" 'Bill,' " said I, taking the hook
covered cloth in my hand, "did you
ever catch any fish with this arrange
ment?'
" 'Yes, sir,' " he answered with a
laugh, *1 caught a sucker on that col
lection last fall that weighed 160
pounds/
•' 'Where and how,' I asked, hardly
knowing what Bill moant, as 1 had
never seen a sucker that weighed more
than three or four pounds.
" 'Just this way," replied Bill. *One
n'glit iriy Wife and I decided to go to
the theater. When we reached the
box-office there was a perfect jam of
people. I left my wife near the door
while I struggled bravely to reach tho
ticket-window. 1 asked for two dress
circle tickets, and when I put my hand
in my pocket to get the money to pay
for them I discovered that my pocket«
book was gone. "Stolen!" exclaimed
I, and retreated.
" 'Mrs. Charters and I walked home.
She felt disappointed; she wanted to
see that play. A thought struck me
instantly, and just its quickly as possi
ble I put my plan into execution. Turn
ing my money pocket inside out I
hastily sewed all the small fishhooks I
had to the inside of that pocket in such
manner that when my pocket was
shoved back to its proper posit on the
barbs of the hooks stood out and point
ed downwards
" 'I took somè more money with me
—but I placed it in another pocket—
and again we started for the theater.
There was still considerable of a crowd
in the tieighbofhood of tho box-office,
and once more I begärt edging my way
through for the purpose of procuring
tickets. I allowed mv fishhook money
pocket to take care of itself.
" 'Just as I was being handed mv
ticket I felt a bite. I attempted
to turn round, when I found I had
hooked a very line-looking sucker in
the shape of a well-dressed man who
wore a shiny tile. I paid 110 attention
lo his tugging at my pocket as I knew
after one or two tugs he'd quit. When
I reached my wife she said: "William,
who is this gentleman with you?" I
told her he was a very particular friend
of mine.
" 'An officer standing at tho door
accompanied mi friend and mo. at my
request, into an adjoining room, where
I explained matters. I recovered my
lost pocket-book and greenbacks. It
was keeping company with seven other
s milarly s tuatod purses. I had to
cut the pocket out to hand the thief
over to the officer, but it was returned
to me after tho doctor succeeded in get
ting the hooks out of tho fellow's hand.
" 'Yes,' concluded Bill, he was the
biggist sucker I ever caught—must
have weighed at least 160 pounds.
And this is no fish story, e ther. "
CURIOUS WILLS.
Freaks of Whimsical Testators In
Disposing of Their Earthly
Goods.
A batch of curious wills have been
resurrected by a writer for ' asselFs
Magazine. One lawyer said: "How
is this? You leave all to a stranger
when you have relatives, a nephew
" <*My nephew is a good-for
nothing spendthrift, not worth a ha'
penny." "O dear, no; since you last
saw him, two years ago, ho has made
a large fortune." "Dear me, that is
quite another thing. In th is case make
him absolutely' my heir." John Reed,
the gas-lighter of the Walnut Street
theater in Philadelphia, willed that his
head bo taken from h s body and the
skull bo duly prepared and employed
to represent Y orick's in tho piny of
"Hamlet" l)r. Ellerbv, of London,
willed his heart lo one friend, his
lungs to another, and his brains to a
third, with orders that tliev should be
preserved properly, and ordered that if
either were unfaithful to the trust he
would come back and torment tho un
faithful one. The legacies wore re
fused, nevertheless. A man named
Furstono left $35 000 for any man
legitimately bearing the name of Fur
stone who would find and marrv a fe
male Furstone. A Scotchman left to each
of his daughters her weight in $5 bank
notes. One got $250,000 and the other
$280,000. A New York man is said to
have willed that his seventy-one pairs
of trousers should be sold at auction
for the benefit of the poor, and that
they should in no way be meddled with
or examined before tbe sale, and that
no person should be allowed to buy
more than one pair. The seventy-one
pairs, it is said, were duly sold to
seventy-one different purchasers, and
each found $1,000 in the pockets of hia
purchase. A woman, anxious to give her
servant her clothing, jewelry, and other
little articles, called them her "per
sonalty ' in her will, and the servant
came in for $50,000 cash.
A Cool Procedura.
On one of the recent muddy days la
Boston as a horse-car was passing, a
lady at a street corner beckoned to the
driver, and the car was stopped at the
crossing. The lady stepped on board,
and the conductor opened the car doof
for her to enter. Imagine hin surprise
when the lady informed him that she
did not want to ride; that tbe crossing
was very muddy, and that she wanted
to step across using the car platform aa
a bridge to thb other side of the streetl
The veteran driver says that in all hi»
many years' experience ho hag never
had anything so completely upset 1ÛJ
equilibrium.— Boston Traveler,
'FOLKS IS CURIUS."
The old saying that "Folks is curus"
is well exemplified in the letters re
ceived at a newspaper office. Per
haps the ono most familiar invariably
leads off with: "1 have made up my
mind to be a writer, and wish you to
give me somo information as to how I
shall proceed." What can you do in
such a case? You don't want to hurt
a person's feelings by advising him to
learu the blacksmith's trade instead,
and you don't want to encourage one
who seems to have jumped clean
over grammar and geography without
touching a heel, and so the best
way seems to be to write him as fol
lows:
"There is no doubt yon could be
come a writer in time, bnt it would
tako you several years to got a start
and by that timo tho pay will have
been reduced to a mere nothing. It
would be much wiser for yon to study
law. It won't cost you much to be
come a lawyer, and the fees are
larger and the pay sure. From what
we cau judge of your character by
your letter you would make a famous
criminal lawyer and accumulate a
fortune in a short time."
I don't know whether this pleasant
little fiction deceives any of them of
not, but it turns their thoughts into
other channols, which is a good thing,
and it lets them down easy, which is
another good thing, and if any one
of them over becomos a great lawyer
anil gathers in riches he will thank mo
for iu Another familiar style of letter
skirts off with:
•This is the first sketch I ever at
tempted. All my friends think it tip
to;». I liavo boen engaged iu offieo
work paying me $10 per week, but I
am now going to write exclusively' for
tho press and magazines. How much
ought I to earn per week? All my
friends say it is as good as anything
Jules Verne or Charles Dickens ever
wrote. If you accept the sketch, please
publish iu next issue and send me 100
extra copies. '*
The sketch is absolutely worthless.
There is neither pith nor point. But
you are not going to bo honest and
candid with that young man. If you
were, yotlM make him an enemy for
life. You must pat him on the back
about as follows:
"Am truly sorry that your sketch is
not exactly in our line, as it will bo
sure to liavo a great run when publish
ed. If we were running to that vein
we'd give you $20 for it without ques
tion. If I wore you I'd try the New
York World, Herald or Sun. Then try
Harper's and tho Century . Some of 'em
w ll want it and be willing to pay a
good price. Don't bo too anxious to
sell, and by all means reserve tho
copyright"
A great deal of poetry Is sent in, as
is right and proper. No issue of a
liewspnper should go to pross without
at least one poem in it. Poetry is a
good thing. It will go down to the
heart where prose only rakes alotlg the
cuticle, and nothing will make a burg
lar abnndon a job he has laid out so
quickly as a b t of a poem taking him
back to li s mother's knee and his
childhood home. But the groat trouble
is to sift out the worthy from the un
worthy and keep everybody satisfied.
When a woman has "dashed off these
few versos" sho isn't going to lot you
dash 'em into tho wasto basket and
escape scot free. That poom is ac
cording to lief lino of reasoning, just
as good a poem as any mortal man or
woman has ever produced. It may be
out of measure and rhythm to you, but
it reads as smooth as glass to her. No
sensible man will return a poem with
out explanation, nor with ' Rejected"
written across it. Such things have
been done without killing off the news
paper under two years, but the
chances are that it will droop and die
inside of six months, especially if the
poetess belongs to three or four social
clubs. The proper caper is to sit down
and write her:
"It pa ns us to be obliged to return
your little gem, wh eh deserves a place
iu the Encyclopedia of Poets. Last
year was made a contract with three
poets to supply U3 w Iii all that sort of
matter we have room to pub'ish; and
as you would w.mt at least $25 for the
inclosed, financial reasons oblige us to
return it. Do not agnin offer it to a
newspaper. It is too good for casual
readers. It should go to a magazino of
high literary merit, there lo bo publish
ed on the choicest page and read to be
remembered when such impostors as
Swinburne and Moore are long forgot
ton. Wo shall preserve your address
for future reference, and it is needless
to say we wish you every success in ob
taining tho famo you justly deserve."
Her first impulse on finding her poem
returned is to upset chairs, break win
dows and kick tho cat out of the back
door, but sho has not perused four lines
of that letter before the rod leaves the
back of her neck and she begins to
3inile. It is scarcely finished before
she scoots out of the back gate to show
it ter a neighbor, and thenceforth for
ever more her subscription to the paper
will not be allowed to expire.
And there is a callow youth in the
inter or of tho Stale who writes
period.cally as follows:
"Inclosed are some uewspaper arti
cles— m y poorest work as correspond
ent of Tho Age. I want a situation on
your paper as a roporler. Reporting is
my forte. I have been told a great
many times that I could do belter re
portorial work than I ever saw in your
pajier. I can also wr te politics. I am
willing to come for $30 njr week as a
starter, but will, expect more as my
writings beg n to boom up the circula
tion. Let me hoar from you at once,
as I liavo several offers under advise
ment,"
Some men would answer that boy in
a way to set h m into galloping con
sumption, but that is not right It is
far better to sit calmly down and write
him:
"We beg to acknowledge your es
teemed favor of tho 27th, and to ex
press our deep regrets that this paper
is unable to secure your valuable ser
vices. Owing to the falling ofl' of
business we have been compelled to
employ cheap reporters, the best of
whom receive only $25 per week. We
have heard of you through the New
York Herald, Boston Post, Chicago
Times, New Orleans Picayune and
other great dailies, and iho articles
you inclose speak for themselves. You
will of course go to New York or
Boston. WhWe we are sorry that we
cannot ruako you an offer commonsur
will* your value fis a newspaper
man, we shall watch your career aaa
friend and well-wisher and feel all due
pride in your achievements."
Instead of goir.g into consumption,
the young man takes on new life, rais
es his rates to $40 per week and event
ually goes into a tub or plow factory to
learn the trade. — id. Quad, in Detroit
Free Press.
The Preacher Loved a Horse.
The old-fashioned clergyman in old
times used to be very good judges of
horseflesh. They had to be, for they
did most of their traveling on horse
back, The story goes of a noted cir
cuit preacher in Southorn Now Hamp
shire that he once gave most unex
pected testimony to his keonnoss as a
critic and judge. It was a still Sunday
in midsummer. Every window in the
church was wide open. The air seemed
hardly to move. The buzzing of the
locusts in the field came in from afar,
and accompanying was the scent of the
pi nos from the grovo near the sacred
edifice. Not far distant was a wooden
bridge. The preacher had just com
pleted tho treatment of the fifteenth
"head of the discourse," and was paus
ing for an instant on the verge of six
teenthly. Just then was heard Iho
clear, quick, measured footfall of a
trotting horse passing over tho bridge.
The pastor paused and looked at his
congregation; tho congregation looked
at the pastor. Then said the pastor, in
a tone of confident judgment, and with
a touch of certainty of gouoral agree
ment in his tone:
"Mighty even trotting best that! Six
teenthly, my hearers, " and the sermon
was continued.— Boston Transcript.
Taking Things for Granted.
Three states—Kentucky, Tennesseo
and Alabama—which lie in a row bo
tween the Ohio river and tue Gulf of
Moxico, have all within a few yoars
had thoir public funds seriously de
pleted by defaulting treasurers. Ken
tucky, the latest victim, is suffering
now for the second time. In every
case the loss has accrued through the
bad habit which those whose duty it is
to be vigilant very often have of taking
it for granted that everything is all
right The average bank director no
toriously belongs to this class.
It is fair to asume that James W.
Tate, the Kentucky treasurer, would
not have gone wrong at all if he had
been held to a thorough accounting at
the end of each of tho terms of ollico
to which he was elected. He served
continuously for twenty years, and
learning how imperfectly tiio ii>»ercsts
of the state were guarded saw what a
dishonest man might do without de
tection. Therefore when the moment
of temptation came he yielded It is
thought that things have been going
wrong in h's office for the last ten
years. Even when, some time ago,
rumors to that oftbet were rife tho leg
islature was kept from making an in
quiry by the usual influences.
The moral is that whero the custody
and handling of money held in trust
are concerned accountings should bo
regularly had, with duo frequency, on
tho principle that every man is dishon
est until proved innocent— New York
World.
Two Chances Left.
Aspiring Youth—-I have called, sir,
to ask your advice. I am very anxious
to become an editor, but don't know
whethor I'm fitted for it or n«tj*>
Able Editor—Liko to write, oh?
"Well, no, I hate writing."
"Humph! Well posted in politics,
perhaps?"
"Never cared anything for poli
tics."
"Pretty well read on any subject?"
"No. I don't know much about any
thing; don't like reading."
"Whero have you lived all your
life?"
"In New York city."
"How did you pass your time
there?"
"Painting the town red."
"Well, I don't believe you'll do
anything unless it is riinn ng an agri
cultural paper or a religious weekly."
—Omaha World.
Mastodon Remains in Florida
Ichtucknee River, which empties
into the Suwanee a few miles from
Lake City, is becoming famous for tho
quantity of mastodon bones buried be
neath its waters. In no other spot
on the globe are they as numerous.
Not fewer than six skeletons have
been found within the short space of
two miles. One specimen, nearly com
plete, is pronounced by Dr. Koot to be
tho largest ever discovered in Iho
world. The doctor is taking steps to
have it properly mounted nnd has pur
chased a small area of land in the
vicinity of the Slate Agricultural Col
lege, where a building wilh ceiling of
sufficient altitude to admit tho monster
in a standing position will be erccled.
The doctor has men engaged in prob
ing- the bottom of tho stream with
sharp iron rods with a view to making
other antediluvian discoveries.— Sa
vannah News. .
Was This a Pirate's Hoard?
We are informed that one of the
Southport pilots has reccnlly found
quite a number of old Spanish coins oil
Bald Head, which have been exposed by
the blowing of the sand from them
during tho heavy winds of the past
winter. One of these coins bears the
date of 1713,and others liave been found
of about the same date. They are bad
ly corroded, so that in many instances
the date and other inscriptions upon
them are hardly decipherable. Tho
questions now arise: How came they
thereP Who placed llieui there? and
when were they buried thore?— Wash
ington (N. 0.) Star.
The Assertion Interpreted
Mamma was looking oui of tho hotel
window and, observing a man who
weighed at least three hundred pounds,
called to baby, who was only three
years old, to "come aud seo the poor
thin man." The sympathetic l.tlle
dear rushed to tho window, looked out,
then up at mama, and remarked:
"Mamma is speakingiron cally."
Somewhat astonished, mamma ask
ed:
"Do you know what that means? *
"Why. it means," with a superior
look, "mamma is onlv giving baby
taffy."— New York World.
The reward for the arrest of 'Ktscctt has
been Increased to $10,000. A search for th
mls&ing man will now be made on ihe Chi»
cago polies force, —Cef wmôw Journal,