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THE CALDWELL TRIBUNE'S WEEKLY SHORT STORY TURK O'FALLON AND THE SLEUTH, By Clarence L. Cullen. Turk U'Fnllon, waiting in New Orleans for held-up clearance papers for a steamerload of "general mer chandise" which the federal authori ties of New Orleans had somehow suspected to be a cargo of «rms and ammunition for certain Central Am merican revolutionists—Turk was in the placid enjoyment 6f one of those eleven o'clock breakfasts at Madam Begue's. Turk, being used tö 'dobes, enjoyed the best thing, a sanded floor; and the floor at Madam Begue's was sprinkled with fine white sand. Also, in nis relaxed hours, he had a keen instinct for proper food. The Bogue breakfast habit had claimed me too; which was why, on this morning, I happened to be seated at the same table with Turk. The beamful Madam Begue (whos« footprints, alas! are no longer seen upon that sanded floor), passing among the tables to see that het guests were getting the service to justify their "morning hearts and morning faces," noticed that, although we had no morning papers to read, v.-e were quiet. She placed morning papers before us. "One must read the news if only in order that one may gossip," said Madam Begue, with her Welsbach smile. "And without gossip what is life, Monsieur O'Fallon?" She pas sed on, watchful, alert, lightening whatever little burdens existed among' he "gamitvj" —for thus she .called those of her young men guests Whom she knew very well. Turk glanced aloofly at the spread headline of his morning paper. Then he read enough of -the telegraphic story to grasp its essentials. It ap peared that a. very yt>ung heiress of an Eastern city, who had eloped a month before with an elderly waiter, had at length been found by the de tectives. The press despatches had throbbed with the story during all that time. The glory of the detectives in at last finding the heiress had been considerably whittled down by the fact that, during all of her wanderings from city to city, she had carried un der her arm a very fat and very old fox terrier, her playmate almost from infancy. When it takes some hun dreds, perhaps thousands, of watchful sleuths an entire month to run down a very distinctive looking girl who travels from one great city to another with a large, wheezy, and peevish old dog under her arm, there is an excuse for one to smile as he reads. And so Turk smiled. "Now, if that dog," observed Turk, "had worn round his neck a chime of bells that played 'The Rosary' every time he sneezed, or if the dog had had a glass eye that, when it fell out, he would pick it up and replace it with his paws, probably all of North Am erica would have to take two months, instead of one, to corral the girl who carried the dog everywhere with her through the sunny streets of the ma jor cities." "Keen men, though, some of these detectives," said I bromidically. "They "Damascene blades are full of them," said Turk. "But when you say 'Damascene blade' you express all of there is of dullness. I never felt the edge of a Damascene blade that would cut Camembert cheese. If you want to escape recognition by a de tective, stand directly in front of him and ring an auctioneer's bell. And if then, by any remote chance, he does recognize and nab you, gently detach yourself from his grasp and walk away whistling plaintively. He will never kntjw the différence. I know a story about a detective, some fugitive folks and a dog. It illustrates the perspicacity of the sleuth. Some day I shall uncoil it for you." "Some day" meant to Turk what "manana" means to a Mexican. And so I bade him "uncoil" it over the derbi9 of the Begue breakfast. One hot winter's morning (it was Turk speaking), just before the over worked phrase: "fin de siecle" had to be abandoned to make way for a new century, I dropped in at our Consulate at Vera Cruz to get my nominal or negligible mail. I wa^ clinging to the fiction that my mail from the States came there. There never was any I had no office in Vera Cruz, because I was trying to get the municipal elec tric lifcht concession. It is not a wise thing to have an office when you arc trying to get any kind of a concession anywhere in Latin America. It makes it too easy for the smaller cougars who obstruct your pith to the con cession >o find you and demand thr.rs. "But I knew the Consul, and I liked to see him open his mail. Next to the language of a niuletter in a forest, when he opens his mail is the most picturesque and diversified. His mail asks him to do so many things that Atlas couldn't do, that he learns to coin expletives possessed of as much potentiality, if not as much direction, as Hertzian waves. "The Consul was nearly through with his mail when I got to his office on this morning. He was. in fact, slitting open the final envelope, A police circular fluttered to the floor. Consuls become as used to police cir culars as a father of nine growing «'nughtcs to bills. As a rule thev basket them as you would basket a circular giving you directions how to measure for suit of clothes. But this circular w.yi important. So he looked «I the picture of the fugitive, read the description, written in the cramped language of police persons, under the picture, and passed the circular to me. • "Why in the name of Miss Lillian Russell do these Boeotian bovines send such a circular here to me?" in quired the Consul in his throatiest tone. "Do the everlasting bone doorned imbeciles imagine that a man who has r«n away from a five-hun dred-thousand dollar deficit is going to detppliah «11 his blood vessels try ing to get to arç extradition port like Vera Cruz? That fellow is at the Blue Cataract of the Nile by this time, or somewhere else whci'e the come-back papers don't go. I wish all the Am erican cops, Jiigh and low, would join the Salvation Army and work off their exuberance by exercising with tam bourines!" "To this the Consul appended some language, while I read the circular— which accorded strangely with the sterling beauties of his actual charac ter. The picture at the top of the police circular was that of an elderly State Treasurer who, when 'he had hurried away from his state capital about five weeks before, had, according to the circular, left a visible yawn in the vaults of the treasury that the expert accountants had measured to mean approximately half a million. Of that measurable sum he had carried away with him, upon his hasty departure, just a few -little thousands that would enable him tt> move around. It was one of those cases where a State Treasurer, in order to retain his cl?sp upon a needed job, has been bullied into dishing out the state's money to freshly organized depositories con trolled by gangsters of his oplitical party. When the press of the vile opposition had scented the unfragrant mouse and had barked at the heels of the Treasurer, demanding that he instantly recall these funds and re store them to the treasurery, the Treasurer, stampeded, had tried un availingly to do that same. But his over-lords of the gang refused to let go even to save him. The experts were turned loose upon his books. "Then there were two things for the Treasurer to do,—squeal on the gang, or put on his marathon moc casins. He wouldn't squeal, and he was a good deal scared, anyhow; and so he bolted. His entire previous life had been as honest as the day. He was* simply the too good-natured vic tim of« a political gang to whom he owed his poorly paid political posi tion. There was no real dishonesty about him.' "He had taken his elderly wife with him. When we read the circular they had been -absent from their state capi tal for five weeks. It was known that the Treasurer's wife had taken with her a shivery little Mexican hairless dog, that had been the playmate of one of hec dead daughters. The police circular told about that. Now, Mexi can hairless dogs are about an un common in the United States, or any where else out of Mexico, as mar mosets. Still, this on-his-way non squealful old Treasurer, accompanied by a half invalid wife, who carried with' her a watery-eyed little Mexican hairless dog, had baffled the sleuthing genius of the United States, and may be some other lands, besides, for five long weeks. It was not what you might call a shining showing for these afore-mentioned folk. ^ "But, somehow, as I read the cir cular, and remembered whr.t I had seen of the case, in the American news papers that had sifted along to Vera Cruz, I was sort of glad that the State Treasurer was making good his getaway, I am not, I hope, a person of loose ethics; but I have an incur ably soft spot for men who, when the tweak comes, refuse to screen their pelts by squealing even on the people who have driven him into the morass. "I was suffused with these cogita tions, when, leaving the Consul's office I drifted down to the pier to watch the debarkation of the passengers, mostly winter tourists, from the weekly steamer from New York and West Indian way ports. I was suf fused a little more when, among the earliest of thé pasengers to descend the gangplank of the steamer were the State Treasurer and his pallid, ill looking wife. The Treasurer, albeit a little more lined under the eyes, ans wered to his police circular as if it had been a snapshot taken on the steamer the day before. And, tucked in the sleeve of his sad-eyed wife's loose pongee steamer coat, was the aged little hairless dog, with his fixed, sus picious eyes that looked like a pair of black hat-pins immersed in perman ent dew, and his snuffles and wheezes and senile mutterings forced out of him by his rheumatism. "The furtiveness of five weeks of dodging, preceded by perhaps live years of mental misery, was in the man's oyes. He wasn't hangdog, but just wearily watchful. His tiredly wary way of glancing at the faces of the people on that Vera Cruz wharf somehow reminded me of the way the hairless dog viewed them. There was the same sort of clinging detachment if you get that paradox, in the ex pressions of both of them. His wife was crumpled old lace and lavender, with the thoroughbred points every where visible, even in her obvious in validism. It was a pair of adrift, cir cimistance-clutchcd elderly folk, that you'd have felt sorry for had you known only part of the circumstances. "That's the appeal that, they made to me, t'he only person on that dock to recognize them; and the considera tion that the man had been marooned by the pimple he had supposed to be his friends, and that in the face of this he had refused to whimper and exude Hie story of their treachery that would have helped if not cleared him, made me regret a little that he and his had pulled up in a port of a country that had an extradition treaty with the United States. I love the law, you understand, and, if it's not a gusty day, I 'll take my hat off any time to the scales of justice; but I 'm a sort of a connoisseur in mitigating circum stances, if I do say it myself, and I 'm always gl«! when»I can find—and generally I can—condonations for de partures from the strict letter of the law. "The pair of elderly folk, who were ot that type who look as out of place even in the subtropics, much less the sure-enough tropics, as would a car dmal butterfly of the Orinoco in the •trecti w»f Spitzbergen, got into the I bus and went to the Hotel Mexico. But only for dinner. I dined there myself, and I noticed that, as soon as they had finished their meal which they only pecked at in their manifest depression, they started out afoot, after making some inquiries of the hotel clerk. ' I happened tn be strolling their way after dinner; although 1 had no desti nation, and they did havfc one. It was a little, vacant, furnished, two-story house of crumbling yellow brick on a scpulchrally quiet narrow street, that had its beginning at the west side of the old cathedral. No doubt the hotel clerk had told them about the house. They looked through it, guided by the crone who owned it, who lived next door and knew enough of the United States to get her price; and when I saw^the Treasurer forking gold pieces into her haAd on the front steps, after their inspection of the house, I knew that they had rented it. My affair in Vera Cruz, of course, was an electric light concession; but, all the same, as I swung through the quiet little 9treet and sensed the nature of that renting transaction, felt like calling the tired looking couple aside and suggesting to them that the air and scenery of a town or hamlet in a non-extradition country were what they were really looking for. But I didn't. Sometimes I think that, among my multifold talents, the most useful one in a knack of knowing the right minute when to do things. "On the following daj» I saw the Treasurer and his wife, both with bowed heads, but tl;e man with side longishly observant eyes, strolling aimlessly about in the shade of the cathedral, the lachrymose-eyed rat of a two-pound hairless dog, chirking up under the heat of his native climate, tagging along barking at nothing. And on the morning after I saw them rock ing back and forth, still silent, on the porch of the crumbling yellow brick house. "Again I was impelled to send to the man a list of non-extradition coun tries, still remaining in the western hemisphere; that list having then, as now, contracted to one country, the same being Honduras. But again I did not. It was safe to assume, I con sidered. that I was the only hombre in Vera Cruz who knew them—yet. Somehow, though, I took on a new diligence in watching the debarkation of passengers from the arriving steam ers. The silent, moody, down-and out pair, so incongruously placed, had gained a ctulch on what we'll call my lawless side, if you like to smooth things over that-a-away. It was De cember, near Christmas, I kenw they had children and grandchildren. I was sorry they were not at home, thinking holly and tinsel and stuffed stockings. And so I watched the pas sengers getting off the arriving steam ers. And that watchfulness proved to be a pretty fairish idea. On the thfrd morning after the ariyal at Vera Cruz of the Treasurer and his wife, a freigh ter dropped jn from New Orleans. She carried four passengers. One of them was one of those star big-agency sleuths. I had known him in four countries between Cajricorn and Can cer; for the titbit trips after runaways who strçaked for the south generally— I fell to him. I could never tell why. His hat, I had always considred, rim med many pounds of inert ivory. But he was a big-agency sleuth, and there he was, coming down the gapgway. "He hello-Turk'd me at the gang way's foot, ani^roceeded sleuthily to tell me all about what he was there for. There wasn't the least need for him to do that; but maybe you've noticed that the, starrier the sleuth the gassier he is. So he told me—State Treasurer—wife—hairless dog—five weeks gone—the whole narrative, as if I'd been living near the main peak of the Mountains of the Moon and hadn't heard a word of it. In New Orleans, a few days before, he'd been tipped by a cable from Havana that thfe the packet bound for Vera Cruz had on board an elderly man whose wife carried a Mexican hairless dog. And he smiled and petted his mus tache. No doubt they were his peo pTe! Had I see™them£' "I took him to the Hotel Mexico and poured into him all the mescal and things that could be had while I reflected. My desire was to make locomotion difficult, if not impossible, for him the time being. It is hard to do that to a big-agency star sleuth. Absorption is the middle name of the most of them. And so I could not keep him from walking. The cathed ral was the big thing in sight. I wanted to show him the remains of an old fortress, with funny brass howitzers, in the other direction. Rut he was for the cathedral. So I had to stroll in that direction with him. The Treasurer and his wife and the hair less dog, with his aged, muffled, woof were strolling in the big cool shadow of the cathedral. The sleuth saw them and petted his moustache again. "This," said he to me, "is like de taching a penny from the loose mitt of a little girl under ether." I asked him if thev were his people. His reply was to pull from his pocket a mate t<f the circular I had in my pocket. "It is like," he went on, "leaning up against a half-melted snow man in the front yard and watching him topple." "Too had," said I. "Chisels you out of a sure-enough trip, instead of this little one-port jump. You might have got as far south as Lima if you hiyln't been too keen to spring your man." "Oh, that's all right," said he. "I get plenty of trips. But I don't often nudge into anything so soft as this. Let's go back to the hotel. I'll wire headquarters that I've got him located and will convey him up on the next steamer." I liked the idea of his going back to the hotel right then to do his tcle grahping. Rut' the star changed his mind. He decided to shadow the pair to nd out where they were living; which, you are to consider, was pretty bright of him in the circumstances. And so, after half an hour or so, he saw them move slowly from flic cathe dral-plaza to th^ir little house on the quiet street, where, for a "awhile, be fore going in, they sat on the porch and rocked and fanned themselves. Then the pet of the beg agency re turned to the Hotel Mexico; I with him. He Hnt bis gloat y little wire tö his headquarters, announcing that he had his man cutely corraled. I will say this for myself, that when bed time arrived that night. I did not shirk my sense of responsibility to a fellow American. I put him to bed, seeing that he coula not have got there without my asistancc. Having got him to bed, and heard the prelude of his snoring symphony, I oozed out into the night and invited the large, friendly stars to seep some immediate wisdom into me. They re sponded. They informed me that the freighter that had brought the star sleuth from New Orleans was leaving at six o clock of the same morning— for Puerto Cortez, Honduras. Honduras, you savvy,—Honduras, in which then, as now, an extradition paper would serve to light a cigarette or an alcohol lamp, or even make a fair lining for the band for too large a hat. And so I made a little visit to the crumbling yellow brick house 011 the weirdly quiet street, branching off from the cathedral, where the Treas urer and his wife and the sniffing hair less dog were asleep. I went to bed about eight o'clock that morning. When I turned out, about three in the afternoon, I found the star sleuth smoking with great tranquility in the hotel exchange. "7 his," said he, "is like frisking the rug out of a baby carriage while the nursemaid is talking in an areway and the cops are having,their annual par ade. "So soft as that?" I inquired. Softer, ' said he. "I've just been around to where my people are living. That hairless mutt of theirs was 011 the second-story porch, barking his cunnin' little head off. Terrible soft isn't it?" "Scandously," said I. "Y'see," he weiK on, "I don't want to worry 'em, nor myself, either. I don't like this tragedy stuff. And there's no hurry. The up-teamer for the States doesn't leave for three days Well, let 'em have those three days in peace. I got old folks myself, see? I'll have the papers 'vised by the Con sul and the Greaser authorities here tomorrow, and I won't hand my man the clap on the shoulder until the up steamer sails. Get me? And all I've got ko do in- the meantime is to trudge a few blocks, couple times a day, and watch a dbg without any hair and weighing about a pound and three quarters racing up and down a porch and barking his head off. That shows me that his folks still linger in our midst, as the feller Says. Say, feel sorry for me—why don't you? I'm in awfully bad. I'm overworked. Let's ' play fifteen or twenty games of bil-i liards." I forgathered a lot with that star I big-agency sleuth during the next 3' days. True, he was so full of chuckles i and other things more moist most ofl the time, that is was difficult for him! to articulate properly. But I didn't' mind that. I didn't need to under stand him. He had told everything he kenw on the first day of our for gathering. Three or four times a day, between games of billiards and pin pool, we'd saunter out of the hotel and make for the quiet little street where the crumb ling yellow brick house was, and there each time we'd find the hairless dog mounching round on either the second story or lower porch, some times barking in a tone of voice that could be heard all of seven feet away, or else squatting on a chair, taking in the prospect, and snapping at flies. And each time the star sleuth's big shoulders would shake at the thought of it. "Say, honest," he'd say, "I never thought I'd trickle into anything so soft as this. All I got to do is to take a slant at a mutt that looks like a cross between a lizard and a wood chuck three or four times a day, and then thé whistle blows for me. It's a I shame, this strain on me. It is honest. Let's go back and play thirty-five or forty more games of something." It didn't worry him that the Treas urer asd his wife were not taking their short daily walks. He figured that probably they'd decided to be more discreet or something. The frequent sight o fthe dog one one or other of the porches satisfied him. He was a regular sleuth, never doubt that! And so, on the day when the up steamer was due to make her after noon sailing, the big-agency man, with his papers all fixed up ar.d his own dunnage on board the steamer, sum moned me. "Might as well trudge along with me," said he, "and watch me ga'her 'cm in. It's some case, y'know, and, seeing that you're not such a bad sort of a duck, I'll let you see how the thing's done." So I went with him. The hairless dog, jumping up and down on the lower porch, barked furiously at us, or thought he Was barking furiously; but the sleuth, not frightened a bit by this demonstration, went right up the steps and rapped loudly at the door. • Nothing occurrcd to disturb the tranquility of the quiet street. Even the dog stopped barking to sniff at our shoe leather. So I-riend Sleuth rapped again, this time louder. 1 could see that he was becoming an noyed. Then the little door of the house next door opened, and the crone who owned the house 011 whose steps we were standing, appeared, wiping her leatherly hands on her apron. She asked what was wanted. "I'll get what I want, don't bothtr about that!" replied the star sleuth snortfully. "I want the man that's living in this house, that's what 1 want!" The crone told him, in Greasere«e, that I had to straighten out, that the man who had been living in that house had sailed, with the senora. for Pucrt 1 Cortez, three or four days previously, she had forgotten which. If I had known what the first ai.l for apoplexy was I'd have staked that big-agency man to it then and there. I'd seen purplish ami even near-n.am enta human countenances before- but that was the first time I ever saw one that was true verijiillion. He could'ut speak, and so he did the ne\t best thing from a sleuth s point of view; that is. he put his sho-ildor to the door and burst it in. Then he search ed the houie from top to bottom, crawled through the cellar, and even climbed out on the roof. "I reckon," I tg',1 him, "the old dame next dnrormuit nave been tell ing the truth." "But how about this infernal mutt?" he bawled at me, pointing to the harmless dog, which wheezily follow ed us around. At that moment—we were standing on the porch again—the next-door crone appeared in her door again, and, seeing the dog squatting at my feet, called out to in Spanish: "Come here, Chiquita, little vampire —come home!" ( "What's that she's saying?" the sleuth asked me, his jay dropping lower with each tick of his watch. "She's calling her dog," I told him. Her dog!" gasped the big-agency st "?. r ' "VVIiy, wha-wha-what the—" My Chiquita became friends with the little dog of the American senor and senora who went away." the old woman said to me her own tongue, "and she misses him so that I can't keep her at home. Come, Come, Chiquita!" I translated what she said for the sleuth person. I had to use autosug gestion, and concentrate on ghouls, catafalquas, and things, to keep my face straight. If my sleuthing friend thought anything, he didn't or couldn't say anything, he didn't or couldn't say it. But he hustled down to the dock office of the freighter that had lef for Puerto Cortez on that morning you may remember having heard me speak of. when I got to bed at such an unusual hour. The agent said, "yes, a gentleman, Americano, perfect ly corresponding to the picture on the circular that the sleuth, with trembling hands, showed him, and sailed 011 the freighter for Puerto Cortez, ac companied by an elderly senora, his wife. 1 saw the sleuth off on the steamer for New York that afternoon. He ' knew there was no use for him to follow his man to Puerto Cortez, where an extradition paper was about as good as a Columbian bond payable at par when Ireland gained its freee dom. The sleuth was helpless with woe and the internal unguents he had absorbed to assuage the same. The last thing he said to me, before I left him in his cabin, was that he wouldn't have minded it so much if that triple blanked dog, without either hair or feathers projecting from his pelt hadn't— I didn't get the rest of it; but I To Our Friends and Patrons: This has been a splendid year for us. We realize that it is to our patrons that we owe it all and the knowledge makes us proud and thankful. We want all our customers to know how we feel. We want to thank each one warmly, sincerely, for'the share he" had in making the past year a sucoess for us. But that is not the main purpose of this letter^ The main purpose is to wish you a very Happy New Year. May it bring you business triumphs and personal happiness. May all your friends prove as loyal to you as ours have to us, and may you oontinue to give us your patronage as long as we prove deserving of it—which will be ALWAYS.« Yours most sincerely, WYCKOFF'S PHARMACY TradersDays Monday, Jan. 6.' Specials 1 Day REMNANTS Lots of things for you— Muslin, Silk, Dress Goods, Gingliam, Calico, Percale. 1-2 PRICE Lots of specials in hosiery, underwear, gloves, dress goods mid percale. The Golden Rule CALDWELL IDAHO derived that he felt chagrined over having been thus imposed upon by a dog—and not the dog—that he watch ed with v such simple faith and confi dence for three entire days. Tw months later I came upon the Treasurer and his wife in Tcguclpalpa Honduras. They were vastly better spirits; for they were preparing to re turn home, with no trouble to face. The Treasurer's gangster friends who had left him in the lurch had returned to the treasury, prompted by the lire that had been built under them, the State o deposits that they had been using; and the Treasurer's account;, were clear and the indictments against 'him had been dismissed. The next time I met that subie sleuth was in New York, about a year leater. For some reason or other he scowled heavily at me. I wonder why? Quien sabe? FINAL CROP ESTIMATE FOR STATE OF IDAHO S. J. Rich, Commissioner of Immi gration, Labor and Statistics, has completed final 1912 crop estimates on the principal crops of Idaho, which make an excellent showing: Acres Production Value Bushel Wheat.. .574,372 15,882,197 $12,705,750 Oats 369,210 15,016,048 6,006,419 Barley ..144,763 5,022,378 2,109.398 Corn .. . 10,207 331,584 225,47'' Rye .... 6,757 96 570 38,628 Alfalfa "hay ...437,000 1,561,080 tons Oter hay.471,349 1,518,102" 14,966,041 Potatoes 46,193 7,986,065 3,593,179 Sugar beets. 186,500 tons932,500 Alfalfa seed . 465,00"' lbs '55,800 Timothy seed 2,100,000 lbs. 105,000 Clover seed .. 435,248 lbs. 52,229 Peas 725.000 Beans 210,000 Onion seeds and sets 17,000 Fruits 2.926,900 Poultry and poultry pro'ts 2,243,828 Bees and honey 210,626 Lumber 11,346,000 Mining (estimated) 11,000,000 Horses (shipped) 10,700 1,177,000 Cattle " 57.300 4,011,000 Hogs " 106,000 1,272.000 Wool " 22,275,000 lbs. 3,564,000 Sheep " 2,360,800 7,082,400 Total $86,576,182 The many surplus products not here enumerated will Dring the total pro duction in excess of $100,000,000.00.