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Secrets of the Courts of Europe
An Old Ambassador's Revelations of the Inner History of Famous Episodes Heretofore Cloaked in Mystery Chronicled by ALLEN UPWARD THE GHOST OF THE WINTER PALACE "Check!" proclaimed the ambassa dor, with a threatening air, as he ad vanced the king's bishop to the one square I had omitted to guard. And he leaned back in his seat and smiled as if he considered the game already won. I sat silently studying the position. But my opponent was not a man who played chees merely by moving the pieces on the board. He did not neg lect the opportunity to distract my at tention by conversation. "The game of chess is an admirable one for men of my calling," he ob served. "There is something truly in structive In the lessons which It con . veys. Look, for instance, at the pawn, a piece which in its earlier career scarcely repays the trouble of capture, hut to which, later on, even the queen may have to be sacrificed." ' Unconeciously swayed, perhaps, by these remarks, I pushed forward a pawn between my king and the attack ing piece. The ambassador affected hardly to notice the move. "Consider again how delicately the king's iRgnfty is preserved," he went on* taking up a knight with elaborate carelessness, and setting it down dan gerously near my pawn. "You advance upon him, you threaten him, you pre pare for him the certainty of capture, but you never remove him from the board. How different from that bar barous game of draughts, in which kings are seen playing leapfrog with one another, like so many arabs of the street!" "And the moral of this?" I suggest ed, as 1 vainly sought a way out of the difficulties in which my own king 'was involved. "The moral is perhaps contained in a story which I would relate to you if I were not certain that you would refuse to believe it." "But why?" I remonstrated. "Do you mean that it requires one to credit the existence of the eupernatural, for example?" A look of the deepest, the most pained, disgust overspread bis excel lency's face. "My friend, have I by any chance led you to mistake me for a romancer, a poet? Rest assured that the facts 1 shall narrate to you are perfectly au thentic, and are known to several per sons in the inner circle of the Russian court. I merely observe to you that my story is incredible; I do not say that it is absurd." I resigned myself to the prospect of losing the game, and prepared to listen. "The people of western Europe do not understand Russia. It Is, of course, Russia, the Russia of the government, that I speak. During the whole time that I spent In 8t. Petersburg I could always perceive that I was a mere spectator, allowed to see no more of the true condition of affairs than it suited the purpose of the officials to display to me. Nevertheless, I flatter myself that I penetrated farther be hind the scenes than they were "Outwardly, as everybody knows, the government of this empire is autocracy, the absolute power being vested in the hands of the tsar. But the a true government of Russia is a secret society, the myeterious Tchin, which includes the whole of the offi cial class, and in whose hands the tsar is often no more than a puppet, pow erless to exert his own will, burdensome this position is, may be estimated from the fact that eight decades ago the Grand Duke Conetan tine deliberately refused to ascend the throne, which passed to his younger brother, the Emperor Nicholas I. "Nor has the Tchin ever shrunk from asserting its supremacy by the most deplorable deeds. It is not the Nihilists who have set the fashion of ass as s ina ting tsars. It is by the hands of their own ministers and courtiers that the monarcha of Russia have most often perished. "It is necessary to bear these facts tn mind in order to understand the in cident I am about to relate." Hia excellency stopped short. I had taken advantage of bis political lecture to return to the game, in which I thought I had at length discovered a chance of escape from my threatened defeat. Sharply replying to my new effort by the capture of a rook which I had been obliged to expose, my op ponent returned to his tale. "It Is not so very many years since the attention of Europe was trated upon the death of Alexander III. Occurring as it did in a remote corner of his dominions, on the shores of the Black sea, the accounts aware. an How concen sup plied by the correspondents of the Eu ropean press, who flocked in vast num bers to the spot, were as circumstan tial aa if each one bad been admitted to the bedside of the dying monarch. The Interest taken in thie moreover enhanced by the romantic circumstances of the marriage of the present tsar, Nicholas II. "It was natural that the event was press of Europe, ever ready to give itself up to transports over those incidents in which royalty is concerned, should have lavished its powers of description upon the sudden Princess Alix of Hesse, her hurried and desolate journey across the frozen continent, her marriage with the tsarewitcb, celebrated, as it were, in the very death chamber, and then the gradual passing away of the emperor, consoled in the happiness-of his son] and fortified b- all the rites of hiB church. "Shortly after these events tlfe •ar returned to St. Petersburg with kla bride, and took up his quarters tn Ihe winter palace. As Is usual on the accession of a new monarch to the throne of Russia hopes of r «form In ike govern ' "it were ext. ,-.vely en summons to the new tertained. The progressive party talked with confidence of the mild and en lightened temper of the young tsar, and augured much from the way in which he had formerly held himself aloof from the repressive measures of his father's ministers. Fools! As if the tchin ever died, or its policy could be changed by the mere replacing of one royal figurehead by another! "HQwever, the result of all this was that the Nihilists relaxed their ac tivity, and for a time there was abso lute repose in the Russian capital. This repose was broken by a strange and disturbing rumor, which circu lated, observe, merely among the ex clusive circles of the court. This ru mor was to the effect that the winter palace had become haunted. "It was stated that a ghoet had been seen walking in one of the corridors at midnight. And there were those who asserted that the Bpirlt in ques tion was that of the dead tsar. "As you may Imagine, such a report could not be long in attracting the at tention of the secret police. The result was very soon apparent. "Never was the marvelous power of the police exerted with more crushing effect. The rumor died out as swiftly and suddenly as it had arisen. It never penetrated beyond the Inner circle of society, and, above all, never reached the ears of a single correspondent of any journal outside the Rueslan em pire. In the Russian preps, of course, It was impossible for anything to pass the stern scrutiny of the censorship. "It Is for this reason that the public of Europe has never had even an ink ling of a secret of which, outside the immediate court circle, I am perhapB the sole possessor. That mere curi osity is not one of my failings, you have doubtless long ago observed. But in the interests of France I deemed it necessary to penetrate to the bottom of this extraordinary affair, and cir cumstances fortunately put It In my power to do so. "I was not there In any political capacity. 1 was favored in my inves tigation by the accident of my friend ship with a very charming woman, the Princess Neatikoff, whose son, Prince Boris Neatikoff, was an Imperial page, at that time on duty In the winter palace. "I had formed the acquaintance of the princess during my former official residence at the embassy, and, though some years had elapsed since I had seen her, she received me with un abated friendliness on my return. Do not, I beg of you, allow yourself to put a false Interpretation on the senti ments which subsisted between this lady and myself. The princess, al though left a widow at an early age, was a woman of the most delicate pro priety, and my attentions to her par took of an almost paternal character. "I chanced to be dining at her man sion on the Nevsky Prospect, on the day after the royal apparition was said to have made Its appearance. We were enjoying a tete-a-tete after dinner, be fore proceeding to a ball given that night at the palace, when we were in terrupted by the arrival of the young Boria, dressed In the Imposing uniform of his office. He was quite a lad; in deed, when I had formerly known him he was a mere child, and had been accustomed to consider me in the light of a father. "He entereef the room in which we were seated more abruptly that was. perhaps, consistent with his filial re spect, but the agitation under which he evidently labored furnished some excuee. " 'Mother,' he cried out as soon as he was inside the door, 'have you heard about the event of last night?' "The princess, with a gesture full of dignity, drew his attention to my pres ence. '"Boris!* she exclaimed in a voice of reproof. 'You have omitted to pay your respects to the baron.' "The youoc prince blushed, and has tened to make his apologies, with that grace which he inherits from his par ent. "'Say no more,' 1 commanded; 'it is easy to see that you have something of importance which you wish to com municate to your mother. With madame's permission, I will withdraw.' "But this neither of them would hear of, both mother and sou assuring me that there was no secret which they would not intrust to my dis cretion. "It was then that my young friend proceeded to disclose the reason for his sudden appearance, and to astound ub with the Intelligence that he himself the author of the rumor which had so perturbed the society of St. Petersburg. It will, perhaps, save time if I repeat the substance of his story in my own words. was "You must know that the winter pal ace is one of the most colossal build ings in the world. Whole suites of apartments in it are never used even, but, in order to guard against all dan ger from the odious attempts of the Nihilists, a certain watch is maintained even in the most deserted quarters of the palace. "The imperial suite, comprising eight principal rooms, is traversed through out its length by a corridor which opens at one end on the first landing of the grand staircase, at which point two of the pages are always on duty day and night At the other end thé corridor is closed by a door which is always kept locked. On the further side of this door is a disused gallery overlooking a garden in the rear of thé palace, and leading to a suite of rooms which had not been used for years. It waa at this spot that the young prince had been on duty the preceding night. , "You will undemund that the task I of keeping guard at night In a deserted I gallery was by no means a pleasant one, although no one page was re quired to be there for more than three hours in the twenty-four. Moreover, a small room opening out of the gallery had been suitably furnished for the lads to relax themselves in during their solitary watch. "On the night in question Boris had repaired to the gallery to relieve his comrade at nine o'clock. He had sim ply to remain there till twelve, and then, as soon as the clock struck, he was at liberty to retire to his own quarters. "It wanted very few minutes to the hour, and he was pacing the gallery, impatiently waiting for his release, when he happened to stop opposite one of the Windows, and look out into the grounds. It was a bright moonlight night, and every tree and shrub in the garden stood out with startling dis tinctness. "He gazed idly, letting his eye roam over the expanse, when all at once his attention was arrested by a sight cal culated to disturb anyone living in the alarmist atmosphere of the Russian court This was a tall and closely muf fled figure, stealing along In the broken shadows of the trees, and mak ing its way towards the nearest cor ner of the building. "It was inevitable that the startled page should at once connect this fig ure with the audacious intriguée of the dreaded secret society whose plots con stitute a perpetual menace to the im perial throne. His impression that he was watching a Nihilist emissary was confirmed when he saw him con fidently approaching a door in the wall of the palace, which was never used, and was supposed to be securely fas tened against ingress and egress. This door, on the contrary, appeared to yield to a touch of the mysterious vis itor who disappeared from sight be neath its arch. "Greatly disturbed by what he had seen, Boris kept his station in the gal lery, coneiderlng what it was advisable for him to do. To have given the alarm might have been of the greatest dan ger to the prince. The first person whom he approached with the news might have been a secret Nihilist, and have repaid such a communication with a knife-thrust. The whole court is honeycombed. "While the prince was still hesitat ing, he suddenly became aware of an unusual sound, coming from the far end of the gallery, where it ended in the disused apartments I have de scribed. The sound appeared to be that of a door slowly turning on its hlngeB. In an instant Boris realized, or thought he realized, the situation. The personage of the garden had ar rived in the vacant suite by means of a secret stairway from thê garden door, and was now about to pass through Into the gallery, with the ob ject, no doubt, of making his way finally into the imperial corridor. "There was not a moment to lose. Unarmed, as he stood there, Boris for tunately recollected that in the little chamber, which I have spoken of as set apart for the use of the pages, there were a pair of loaded pistols and a sword. He darted In through the open door of the room, snatched up the sword and one of the pistols, and had got back nearly as far as the threshold, when he was arrested, and his very limbs were rooted to the ground, by the eight of the figure which passed noiselessly along the corridor outside. "Imagine a tall and somber appari tion, with long black robes sweeping the floor, the head shrouded in a deep cowl, from whose recesses gleamed out, pallid and spectral in the light of the moon, the features of the dead monarch, Alexander III!" At this point his excellency pretend ed to perceive for the first time the change which had taken place in the poeltion of the chessmen. "Ah! You have moved your king," he exclaimed, and promptly shifted his attacking bishop so as to give me a fresh check. Then he returned to the narrative. "A moment passed. The first shock of terror over, the awe-struck page ventured to the door of the chamber and glanced out into the gallery. The ghost had disappeared, as suddenly and as mysteriously as it had come." "Were there no other room« off the gallery into which it might have passed?" I demanded, not to appear too credulous. "There were none. The only other door in this part of the gallery was that which I have already described as closing oft the Imperial corridor. "Be sure that I put the same ques tion myself when my young friend told me the story. His manner convinced me that he was not lying, and that he really believed himself to have seen the specter he described. "As you know, 1 am not a believer in the supernatural. I sought to shake the boy's superstitious state of mind. " What you saw was some illusion, some trick of the imagination,' I said to him. "He shook his head mournfully. " 'I am as certain of what I saw as if it were before me now,' he replied. 'My mother will tell you that I am not sub ject to idle fancies.' "The princess confirmed this state ment with a nod of her head. " '1 am sure that my son must have seen something like what he de scribes.' she said to me, 'though It it evident to me that it must have beea some "ving person, masquerading ae the ghost of the tsar. The question is for what purpose such a disguise could have been assumed, and on this point I confess say, my friend?' "I shook my head. " 'I fear that the first suspicions of Boris were correct,' I replied, 'and that the enemies of his majesty have re sumed their infernal schemes.' "Both mother and son appeared struck by this view of the circum stances. But Boris was by no prepared to abandon his belief in the supernatural character of what he had seen. " 'It may very well be that this merely a first visit,' I added, 'a recon nolssanoe, to discover the nature of the ground, before introducing some explosive machine or other, and the villain may easily have kept himself feel uneasy. What do you mesne was 'I / w à 77 i I tv HT/aS w K A £ K >1 A Never Shall I Forget the Thrill, the Abeolute 8tupor of Amazement Which Overcame Me at What Beheld. out of sight for a few minutes. Doubt less he returned Immediately, only you had then left the gallery. " 'But there is an easy way of put ting the matter to the proof. If 1 am right in my suspicions this creature, whoever he may be, will infallibly turn at the same hour another night. Tonight, on account of the presence of everybody at this ball, will be his most favorable opportunity, aB he may con fidently expect to find the Imperial suite deserted. I propose to you that we repair to this little room of youre together, at the moment when the page who has replaced you tonight comes off duty, and if this mysterious personage again presents himself, I will compel him to disclose his identity.' "Boris welcomed this idea. I could see that he wae secretly aBhamed of the ridicule which attached to him for his story of ghost-seeing, and that he was anxious to re-establish his char acter. The princess was good enough to express her opinion of my courage and devotion In terms which it would not become me to repeat to you. In the end we arrived at an understand ing, and departed to the palace to gether. "Throughout the progress of the ball —during which, the Grand Duchees Olga condescended to become my part ner in a waltz—I kept my eyes and ears open, and observed that Boris' adventure of the night before was a general topic of conversation. The more highly-placed officials were evi dently in a conspiracy to treat it as a mere boyish delusion, but among the general body of the guests I found there were not a few who shared my suspicions. I ventured to approach the taar'e confidential chamberlain at an interval between the dances, and to sound him delicately on the subject His reply was characteristic of his na tion and government. " 'My dear baron,' he said sharply, 'there is nothing so detestable as court gossip. It Is most annoying to his majesty to have his late father's name connected with the wanderings of a moon-struck boy. Take my advice, and dismiss the affair from your mind.' "His manner convinced me that more importance was attached to the incident than he pretended. However, I feigned to be perfectly satisfied, and returned to the grand duchess, who was anxious to know whether her robe would have been approved in Paris. But the hour agreed on for the rendez vous was approaching, and I bad to make the best excuse I could think of to tear myself away from the imperial lady. "Boris met me, as we had arranged, In a small passage leading out of the anteroom, and we made our way unob served up a back staircase into the fa mous haunted gallery. The page on duty waa juet leaving aa we arrived "I had come armed with my re volver, which I had loaded carefully with my own hands. I took advantage of the Interval, while we were waiting for the approach of the apparition, to make my companion provide himself with a similar weapon out of the pages' room. Lest our presence in the gal lery should serve as a warning to the mysterious visitor, and prevent his ap proach, we concealed ourselves in this room, which was plunged in profound darkness. "Half an hour passed in this way, without anything occurring. I began to grow Impatient, and to accuse Boris in my own mind of having invented some fable. But when I hinted thiB to him he became so Indignant that I was compelled, in spite of myself, to be lieve that the boy had really some grounds for his story. "At last, tired of this useless per formance, 1 rose from my seat and moved cautiously out into the gallery. I glanced up and down it without per ceiving anything in the least resemb ling the figure of the previous night. All at once, however, 1 did see some thing which caused my heart to give a great bound. Looking at the far end of the gallery, where the deserted apartments of wliicit Boris had told me were situated, I distinctly per ceived a faint glow of light along the floor. "Instantly 1 turned to the threshold of the room In which I had left the young prince, and beckoned to him to come out Into the gallery. He saw by my manner that I had made some im portant discovery, and obeyed my ges ture with shaking limbs. No sooner had he emerged from the doorway, and followed with his eyes the direc n pointed, than he gave a great gasp of terror. "'The deserted suite!' he exclaimed in a hoarse whisper. 'There has never been a light there In all the years that I have known this part of the palace!' "I nodded my head. " 'It Is what I expected you to tell me,' I whispered back. " 'But what is to be done?' he mur mured. 'Shall I summon the guards, or Inform Volevltch, of the secret po lice?' "I considered well before answering. One of those subtle intuitions which are born of a long experience in secret politics warned me that I stood on the threshold of some discovery of no or dinary kind, one which I might per haps regret having to share with the secret police, and which, for many rea sons, It might be better that Boris him self should not be made acquainted with. " 'No,' .1 said at last, 'we have no right to act precipitately. Whatever we may suspect, we as yet know noth ing that would warrant ue In communi cating with the authorities. As the envoy of a foreign power, my person is inviolable, and I can therefore af ford to risk an indiscretion. " 'Remain here, I beg of you, while I go forward and effect an entrance into the apartment from which that light proceeds. Should I not return by the end of fifteen minutes, I authorize you to go to M. Velovltch and Inform him of the affair.' "The lad was at first disposed to be indignant at my thus proposing to ex clude him from the perils of the en terprise. But by dint of an appeal to the authority of his beloved mother, 1 succeeded at length in winning bis consent to the plan I had suggested. "The light 1 had observed streamed out under an ancient and massive door, set in a deep stone arch at the extreme end of the passage. "I laid my fingers on the oaken handle, and turned it with Infinite deli cacy and slowness. As soon ae it ceased to revolve under the pressure of my hand. I gave a gentle push to the door. To my delight it yielded. I gave another push, equally slight, and the door responded with a horrible grating sound. Further concealment was useless; I boldly flung the door open, and stepped through. "The first glance was sufficient to tell me that I had merely gained an ante-chamber, forming a sort of gen eral approach to the various rooms of which the suite was composed. This anteroom was deserted, but immedi ately on the right lay a room of which the door was partly open, and from which proceeded the light that had fil tered out Into the gallery. Hastily closing the outer door behind me, I made two steps Into this inner room. "Never shall I forget the thrill, the absolute stupor of amazement, which overcame me at what I beheld. There, half-rieen from the chair on which he had doubtless been seated when aroused by the creaking of the door, I saw the very figure which Boris had described to me, the tail form, the dark robes, and, above all, the pale and terrifying countenance of the mon arch whose death had cast half Europe into mourning. "What exclamation I uttered when I first caught sight of this startling ap parition I do not recollect. But when the personage before me thrust his hand into his pocket and drew out a revolver, it was impossible for me to doubt that I wae dealing with a man of flesh and blood. Like lightning 1 pro duced my own weapon, which I leveled at hlB breast, at the same time ex claiming: " 'Hold! I am the envoy of France! in the name of the tsar, who are you?' "He lowered his revolver, took a steady look at my features which he no doubt began to recognize, and re plied in mournful tones: " T am Alexander HI.' "At the same time he sank down again into his chair, while my pistol dropped from my hand, and I had to cling to a table fur support. "'Sire!' waa all I could gasp out. 'But—but—pardon this Intrusion, I Imagined your majesty to he—' „"'Dead? Yea, I know it,' he re sponded, still in the same melancholy voice. 'But sit down. Since you are here, and chance or fate has put you into poss988ion of my secret you had better know all. Sit down, M. le Baron, I am no longer an emperor.' "I obeyed, still struggling with my astonishment. " 'First of sll tell me by what means yon have penetrated to my hidlng place, in which I imagined myself se cure from all mankind,' said the ex tsar. "In as few words as possible I re lated to his majesty the incidents which I have been telling you. He lis tened with deep attention. " 'Ah, well, baron, I remember you of old,' he remarked, with a faint smile, when I had finished. 'You al ways had the reputation for worming out more secrets than any other man in Europe, and I ought to have fore seen that it would be necessary to take you into my confidence. It is for tunate that you have come alone, and that your rigid honor is not less cele brated than your dexterity.' "I bowed deeply at these compli ments. His majesty continued: " 'The only return I can make to you for a fidelity of which I assure myself beforehand, is to explain to you my reasons for what must seem to you an extraordinary state of things. The fate of my father, Alexander II, slain by a bomb in the streets of 8t. Peters burg, is, of course, familiar to you. But it is not easy for you to realize the ef fect produced by that fearful event on my mind. " 'The perils of a battlefield may be faced by a brave man, in the enthusi asm which battle calls forth. But the perpetual secret peril which dogs one day after day and year after year, and never slackens for a single moment— that is a very different thing. " T am not aehamed to confess to you, baron, that from the moment I ascended the bloody throne of Russia, my life was one long haunting agony. Never once did I have one hour of per fect freedom from care. And I could do nothing. I was helpless, a martyr bound to the stake of my autocracy. They prated to me of reforms. You are a man who knows Russia as few men know it, and you can tell me whether the first step in the direction of reform would not have drawn down on my head the vengeance of men be side whom the Nihilists are bungling apprentices?' "I could only bow my acquiescence In this sorrowful truth. " 'For years,' proceeded Alexander, T had secretly set my heart on abdi cating. I only waited fill my son Nicholas was of an age to face the dangers and difficulties of his task. But by the time that the hour of re lease drew near, I had learned that ab dication would earn me no respite from the hatred with which I was pur sued. '*■'1 had acquired the knowledge that there were those who had sworn that, on the throne or off It, I should not be allowed to die a natural death. To give up my imperial state would sim ply be surrendering my safeguards, without for a moment disarming the enmity of those who sought my life. It was these considerations which ulti mately forced me to entertain the idea of a deception which I lament, but to which I owe the first peaceful days I have spent for twelve years. " T resolved, as you have gathered by this time, to go solemnly through the forms of death and burial, and thue acquire the right to retire to some unsuspected retreat, where I might pass the remainder of my days, shielded from the vengeance of my re lentless pursuers. In order to carry out this design it was necessary that 1 should take five persons into my confi dence, my wife, my eon, two physi cians of whose personal loyalty and friendship I had had many proofs, and an old trusted body-servant on whom was cast the duty of arranging for my future privacy, and attending on me in He is at this moment away pro curing supplies of food." "These words of his majesty remind ed me that Boris was impatiently awaiting my re-appearance. I glanced at my watch. Twelve minutes had al ready passed. " T rntist leave you now, sire,' I ex claimed, rising hastily, 'or my com rade will be seeking me. Rest assured that I shall not prove unworthy of the trust you have deigned to repose in me. But I venture to advise It. your majesty to discontinue your visits to your son's apartments for the present Should you desire to lay your com mands upon me at any time, I shall be found at the French embassy.' "With these words I took a respect ful but hurried leave of the ex-tsy, who bade me a cordial farewell. "I rejoined Boris just aa he was about to set off and give the alarm, and was successful in putting a stop to any questions on his part by a few judicious words. " 'I am forbidden to tell you what I have discovered,' I said, with a slightly jocular air, 'but I may tell you in con fidence that I think you must have mistaken the son for the father. Next time you Intercept his majesty on a midnight, excursion, you will perhaps be able to assign reasons of a less mysterious character for his visits to the very charming bachelor apartment which 1 have just explored.' "The young prince accepted this planation readily enough, and its effect was confirmed the next day by the ia sne of an order discontinuing the guard in the gallery altogether. As 1 have told you, all trace of the incident quickly disappeared from the society of St. Petersburg. And at th« end of a few weeks the unlucky page received the honor of a lieutenant's commission in a regiment which happened to form part of the garrison of Vladivostock on the coast of the Pacific." His excellency stopped, glanced at the board, and made the move which I had been dreading for some time: "Checkmate!" "But surely," 1 remonstrated as the ambassador rose from his chair and stretched himself, "you heard some thing more of this étrange business?" His face instantly became grave. "There Is nothing more which I feel at liberty to mention, even to you. Had his majesty been still residing at the Winter palace, 1 should not have told you the story. He honored me so tar as to avail himself of my services In providing himself with an asylum in which his enemies are not likely to reach him, and which ia, indeed, out side the borders of the Russian pire. But what do you say? Will play me another gama and let me try M. Lasker's celebrated attack ?" (Copyright. <n O- B and Orest Britain.) ex you About Time Now for Spring Wedding, end Cad the pretest here. Oia silm. eitba lelid •telling at heavy plated wear à bSKMt lot quality aad tong went. Ring, and Ihtagi lot the graduate. PRICES REASONABLE. BOYD PARK MALERS OF JEWELRY FOUNDED H61 SALT LAKE CITT The New Hotel Rex Salt Lake's Leadln« Full? Haiti Luxuriously equipped with handsome furni ture. Naw, Modern and Fireproof. Conveniently located In the heart of the city and in the shopping district. Rates, 60c. 76c and SI. With private bath, $1.50. 285 8. State 8treet. Rex Theatre Building Baa Moat. All Traîna F WANTED MEN AND WOMEN to-earn barber waw iaa trade. Excellent opportunities open for you. Tools furnished and com mission paid while learning. Only eight weeks required. Call or write for particulars and cat alog, IS Commercial Street. Sait Lake City. Utah. Bill's Afterthought. Two tottery derelicts had just fin ished a repast at Bethel Mission^ one of the spreads that are being laid out for the unemployed. They were filled and comfortable and disposed to reminiscence of their experience. "Didje get a piece of that beef. Bill?" asked one of the other. "Yep," said Bill. "An' didje get some o' that soup?" "Yep." "Couldn't o' asked for more, couldje?'' "Well,, 1 dun'no," said Bill. "Well, what wouldje of asked fer ?" *1 was just a^thinkin'," said Bill, "that to make that grub set right In every way, if we'd a just had a little high ball to 'a' started It off with, there'd be nothin' artall now to kick aibout."—Louisville Times. Fully Supplied. Some time ago a little girl who liv ed in a rural community appeared at the back door of a neighbor's home with a small basket in her hand. "Mrs. Smith," she said, as the neighbor answered her timid knock» "mother wants to know If yon won't please lend her a dozen eggs. She wants to put them under a hen." "Put them under a hen?" was the wondering rejoinder of the neighbor. "I don't know that you had a hen!" "We haven't," was the frank re joinder of the little girl, going to borrow the hen from Mrs. Brown."—Christian World. We are Endeavor Lucky Escape. The Desk Officer—Well, madam» what's the complaint The Complainant—Why, sir, I gave a man named Blinks, Jim Blinks, 75 . cents to go to the court house an' get a marriage license for me an' him— an' he never came back. The Desk Officer—I congratulate you, ma'am. Plain Dealer. Good day.—Cleveland No Chance for Argument. "Every man has «orne arguments with his wife, I suppose," said the wor ried-looking man. "Henrietta and I never argue," re plied Mr. Meekton, complacently. "Once in a while I make a remark, and Henrietta shows me exactly whera i am wrong. But we never argue."— Washington Star. Force of Habit. Bookkeeper.—Hired a new stenog rapher, I see. Manager.—Yes; the other one would persist In adding postscripts to my letters. Reason for Change. »Financier—That Is not the tale that you told me a few days ago. Beggar-No, sir. But you didn't be lieve that one.—London Mall. same The Last Word. Bix—What nonsense to ear that wie can't get the last word with a woman; I found It easy enongh to day. Dix —You don't say! happen? Bix—Why, I said to a woman in the car "Madam, have tny aeat."— Boston Transcript How did h. Surely Not Client—I want you to sue for a divorce and an allowance of » 1,600 a year. Lawyer—What is your husband'» income? Client—It's about that I wouldn't aBk for more than a man makes. I'm not that kind. They Clash. "What is the matter with the par son and -the doctor that they cannot agree?" "The parson says the doctor Is so contrary. a man properly prepared for the next world the doctor goes to work and cures him." Just as soon as he gets Not Much Acquainted. "Your husband," said the caller, sympathlzingly, "was a man of excel lent qualities." "Yes," sighed the widow, "he was. a good man. "Everybody aaysy I wasn't much acquainted with ill myself. He belonged to six lodges:'* Only a Man Could ba So Brutal. She.—Do you like my new hat, hub t by? He.—Yon bet. It covers up most of your face. — Philadelphia Public Ledger. Left Oat Brown (on fishing trip)—Boys, the boat is sinking! is there anyone hero who knows how to pray? Jonee (eagerly)—I do. Brown—All right Too pray, and the rest of us win put on Ufe belts. They're one shy.—New York Globe. He Goes the Limit "Smithers is a great advocate of Peace, I understand." "I should eay he Is. Why, that ehap won't eve» »ae military hair krumhea."