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The Oakley herald. [volume] (Oakley, Idaho) 1908-1961, February 11, 1910, Image 3

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frm MARK OF- j ^ > -\GUM^NTLLl j
If You Have Forgotten
I
Or overlooked anything for Christ
mas, lot us know your needs a1
ones. We can fill ordsrs on day ol
receipt. Stock largo; prioes small.
170
m it
UTAH
SALT LAKS
V
Waists That Button Behind,
ghe stood at the glass ancf she tried
■with her might to button her waist
behind.
through were sure a sight—to button
tier waist behind; she would reac., and
she would tug, and sigh and she'd let
out a moan; she twisted and squirmed
till she strained every boue, to but
ton her waist behind. She strained at
the risk of ripping her çlot'Jls, to but
ton her waist behind; she would lake
a long breath .a.Dd then stand on het
toes, to button her waist behind; sh«
had a contortionist beaten a mile;
she would bend like a jacknife, then
qtralghtqn a while, and wonder why
nightmares like that were In the style
—the waists th^t button behind. Foi
an hour she labored in wildest de
•pair, to button her waist behind, hei
face became red and all loosened het
hair, tç button her waist behind; she
wept and the tears splashed down in
her lap, while for life and its pleas
ures she cared not a rap; when she
went to the office a hideous gap was
there In her waist behind.—Milwau
kee Sentinel.
The
movements she went
Why He Hesitated.
When the late O. O. Howard was s
brigadier general in the civil war, sc
earnest was he in his religious effort!
that in a short time he had converted
«very man in the brigade, all but on*
hardened old teamster. Going to hl«
commander one day this man said
«arnestly :
"General Howard, I'm lonesome
Every man In the camp has been con
verted except me. I'd like mighty well
to be a Christian, Just to be in with
the other boys. I suppose it's the right
thing, too, but I doyi't see how 1 can
manage it."
The man shook his head mourn
fully.
man,"
general, "I see no difficulty in the way
of It, if you will, just surrender yout
own will and ask for guidance."
"That's just 4t, general," responded
'If I'm con
"Why,- my good
said the
the would-be convert,
verted, who in blazes Is goin' to drive
them mules?"—New York Tribune.
Building Up the Church.
A Brooklyn preacher went away the
other day for a vacation, and rather
than have the church close, his wife
took his place in the pulpit. It is said
the same result followed that hap
pened in Texas when a preacher, after
preaching two Sabbaths to empty
benches, gave notice on the third Sun
day that on the succeeding Sunday
services would be as usual at 11
o'clock; that at 12 o'clock he would
run his mare, Caliope, 500 yards
against all comers for $1,000, and ride
the mare himself. He won the race,
and 7,000 people joined his church the
next Sunday.
The Pleasures of Poverty.
It is a disgrace to be rich.—Andrew
Carnegie.
It is good to be born poor.—8lr
Thomas Lipton.
It is glorious to have to struggle.—
John D. Rockefeller.
It must be grand to be able to de
spise money.
Travels Oe Luxe.
"These 'ere flying machines and
wirelesB telegrams—wonderful, ain't
It, Mike?"
'' Tis t h(A. Ah, Tim, afore we're
old men we shall be able to travel
round the world without leavin'
*ome."
Sketch.
Wasn't Spreading the Newe.
Under the headline of "The Wisdom
of*9lleuce," the Success Magazine
prints the following story: "The late
Judge Silas Bryan, the father of Wil
liam J. Bryan, once had several hams
stolen from his smoke house. He
missed them at once, but said nothing
about It to any one, A few days later
a neighbor came to him. 'Say, Judge'
he said, '1 heat'd yew had some hams
stole t'other night. 'Yes,' replied the
Judge, very confidentially, 'but don't
tell any ornt. ou and I are the only
ones who kL
it.' "
Noi'way Sardines.
Norway packs 500,000,000 tins of
sardines a year. On account of the
high price of olivg oil the Swedish
fajetorii - have lieen experimenting
with American cottonseed oil with
which to tmmejse the sardines in
the tins Experts who have tried the
two kinds- one in olive, the olher in
cottonseed oil—have been unable, to
detect which was which, so probably
It will not be long before we Yan
kees are eating Swedish sardines
tracked lu American oil.—New York
Press.
i
Looks Down on Others.
Fuddy "Yes, that's Cartwright
-over ther®. He's wort several aviation
prizes, and consequently holds his
head pretty high. '
Duddy.— "Considers himself one of
the aerostrocracy, eh ! "—Boston Tran
script.
l
Why Father Helped Him Out.
-"I love you, I love you. Will
Suitoi
you be my wife?"
-"You must see father first."
Sh.
"I have seen him several times
but 1 lova you Just the same."
Hi
j
Qood Jokes
I
JUST AN EXPERIMENT.
They had taken advantage of the
fact that it was little Richard's first
visit to the country and filled his
childish ears with some ancient chest
nuts. With solemn faces they told
him when they wanted apple butter,
They fed the cow apples, and when
they wanted peanut butter they dieted
her on peanuts. Richard heard all.
but made no comment. Some morn
ings later they found him heading for
the barnyard with a coal-oil can.
"Gracious, Richard!" asked his
mother, anxiously, "what in the world
are you going to do with that?"
"Why, ma," he responded. Innocent
ly, "I was going to give the old cow
some kerosene so she could furnish
some of that petroleum butter pa talks
about"
I
I
ALL ON ACCOUNT OF FATHER.
Everybody's on a diet up to our house,
at present;
Mother's awfully dejected, father's look
Is seldom pleasant;
We have out out beef and bacon and a
lot of other stuff
We have turned
our fate is pretty tough.
We have had to give up pancakes;
sugar's banished from the table;
Pa and ma are on a diet, so am I, and
sister Mabel;
We have turned away from salads and
all kinds of pie and meat,
And It's always very dismal when we
seat ourselves to eat.
ay from sausage, and
s
Every day the cook looks at us with a
kind of solemn pity.
And I guess she thinks she's workln' for
the-worst cranks In the city ;
Mother's health Is simply splendid; sis
ter's well and so am I;
But we're all compelled to diet—father
must, and that Is why.
-8. E. Kiser, In Chicago Record-Herald.
False.
His love had grown cold.
"Oh, Edwin," she sobbed, "when you
married me you said that you loved
every hair on my head."
And Edwin, cruel and merciless,
pointed an accusing finger at the
switch and two "rats" near the mirror
"Yes," he responded heartlessly,
"but not every hair on your bureau."
And lighting his cigar the brute
strode off to his club.
Quick Sprint.
Sandy Pikes—Dat rich guy ln de
bungalow took quite a fancy to me.
He took me around to de stable,
showed me de $6,000 bulldog he had
just bought and asked me if I could
beat It."
11
Gritty George—And what did you
say?
Sandy Pikes—Nuttin'! I just beat it.
HE HAS IT.
»
/
I
e<
de
\
"What Is your Idea of true gallan
try?"
"Well, It seems to me that a man
who will let his whiskers grow so that
he will look older than his wife, has
it."
Nothing Worth While.
When your liver Isn't working right,
And your system's full of bile.
You will have that tired feeling.
rhile.
He
the
And nothing seems worth
A Proviso.
"There Is but one way," yelled the
exhausted magistrate, with one final
mighty effort, "in which you can get
a hearing in this court."
"What's that?" asked the deaf ap
plloant for justice.
"You'll have to get It first from a
specialist."
Heroic Treatment.
"Doctor.' said the hypochondriac,
"I'm afraid I'm getting insomnia."
"U'm." replied the New York phvsi
clan, handing him a printed slip; take
one of these as soon as possible."
of
the
in
the
in
to
"Is this a prescription ?"
"No.
It's a list of the trains to
Philadelphia."
He'll Get His Chance.
"My grandfather wonld not rest
easily in his grave if 1 voted against
the amendment."
"Don't fret. He'll probably vote
anyhow."
Seaside Discussion.
"Well, do the women agree as to
the new arrival?"
"Practically yes. Some say 6he
looks like a fashion magazine and oth
ers say she looks ltke a back number."
his
of
Didn't Intend To.
"Old Grabsby gave me a good cigar
yesterday."
"He was generous."
"1 rather think he was absent
minded."
Trying Out.
"Arctic travel and transportation
tre still experimental, are they not?"
"I suppose so, Bince they are still
Irving it on the dog."
SIMILITUDES.
I never said to her "My Sweet.
Thou art the sweetest (lower that
blows;"
But, "Thou art tike to her, complets,"
I said unto the rose.
I have not said: "Thine eyes are etars;"
But, to those gazers
Leaning beyond my wlndo
"Your light is from her eyes."
t the skies—
bars—
Not yet, to her, have I made known
What site Is like, in Heaven or Earth.
Though all Best Things I know, do own—
Do show—her lovely worth.
Though they keep silence for my sake,
To be like her, they much rejoice!
They know that soon my heart will
break—
Or lift to her Its voice.
—Edith M. Thomas, in Harper's Bazaar.
CONCERNING FEATHER BEDS.
%\
v
V
I
Bosh—I never had much use for
feather beds I don't consider them
healthy.
Josh—Well, I know a man who »ays
he would like to see them all over the
country.
Bosh—Indeed! Who Is he?
Josh—Why, an Inventor of flying
machines.
Mis Bill of Pare.
At breakfast he ate a poster red.
At lunch a light overcoat;
At dinner on tin cans he fed—
For the diner was a goat.
WRONG CUT.
She was one of those fussy, fidgety
women, who are never satisfied. "I
don't like the way you have been cut
ting my steaks," she snapped, as she
ran her gloved finger over the round
of beef. "You should cut them as 1
direct." ,
"What kind of a cut do you wish,
ma'am?" asked the butcher, as he
sharpened his knife.
"Why, you have been giving me
high cuts, and there is too much fat
at the top, I want a low cut."
The humble butcher could stand It
no longer.
"Low cut!" he protested. "Madam,
you are not buying a ball gown. This
is beefsteak."
Perfection.
"There is no such think as perfec
tion in this world," said the ready
made phllislpher."
"Nßr" answered Miss Cayenne; "the
only person 1 know of who comes
near attaining perfection Is the one
who sets out to be a perfect bore."
His Idea of a Cynic.
Jack—Gay boy and the girl he is
engaged to are both cynics.
Tom—What is your idea of a cynic,
anyway?
Jack—A cynic is a man who has
had experience or a woman who
hasn't.
Has Book Agent Beaten.
Slanim—That fellow Jinks has the
nerve of a book agent.
Bangs—Yes, and then some,
nerve is equal to that of the mis
guided woman who forces her friends
to buy tickets for a bazaar.
His
j
SPEEDY.
I
IfS
0
!
,
s
l
r
' r mi
ri
'"ic
'
White — Jones has a motorcar
tongue
Black—What do you mean?
White—It s always running.
Far Different.
He said 'Twas on the desert
attacked us.
bieked and sat upon
thornless cactus
A centipede
And what w
Was not a
Rather S ow.
Said He—-So that is your chaperon j
at the phone. Is she up-to-date?
Said She—Yes, in some ways; but
she isn't up to any date I make.
Effects of Travel.
"Yes, sir," remarked the globe
trotter, "if there is anything in a
man travel will bring it out."
"Yes, especially ocean travel," re
I joined the man who hail just returned
I from his first trip across the pond.
DIDN'T SEE IT THE SAME WAY
Father of Young Missionary Disagreed
Violently with Popular Chinese
Custom.
The young missionary relighted his
cigar
In China, father," he said, "I'd have
no trouble in selecting a present for
you."
"No?" queried the old man.
"No," said the missionary, with a
hearty laugh. "The most desirable
present to give old folks Is a coffin. In
China. Ha, ha, ba! And old folks
like yourself don't mind It at all. They
welcome a coffin as heartily as you'd
welcome a box of Havana regalias."
"Humph!" said the father, grimly.
"And If an old Chinaman is ailing,"
said the young missionary—"if he has
your rheumatic complaint, for instance
—then he regards a coffin as an espe
< ialiy I hour ht t ul gift ta fMl
Hut the missionary's father had sud
denly left the room, slamming the
door behind him with a certain vio
lence.
SLIGHTLY AMBIGUOUS.
/
gj
"Doctor, this is the worst attack I've
ever had."
"Never mind, it will be your last."
SKIN HUMOR 25 YEARS
"Cutlcura did wonders for me. For
twenty-five years 1 suffered agony
from a terrible humor, completely cov
ering my head, neck and shoulders, so
even to my wife, I became an object
of dread. At large expense 1 consult
ed the most able doctors far and Dear.
Their treatment was of no avail, nor
was that of the-Hospital, during
six months' efforts. I suffered on
and concluded there was no help for
me this side of the grave. Then 1
heard of some one who had been cured
by Cutlcura Remedies and thought
that a trial could do no harm. In a
surprisingly short time I was com
pletely cured. S. P. Keyes, 147 Con
gress St., Boston, Mass., Oct. 12, '09."
1
Face Covered with Pimples
"I congratulate Cutlcura upon my
speedy recovery from pimples which
covered my face. 1 used Cutlcura Soap,
Ointment and Resolvent for ten days
and my face cleared and I am perfect
ly well, I had tried doctors for sev
eral month but got no results. Wm. J. j
Sadlier, 1614 Susquehanra Ave., Phila
delphia, May 1, 1909."
When the Sleeper Wakes.
"John!" she exclaimed, jabbing her
elbow into his ribs at 2:17 a. m., "did
you look at the kitchen door?" And
John, who is inner guard, and was
Just then dreaming over last evening's
lodge meeting, sprang up in bed, made
the proper sign, and responded:
"Worthy ruler, our portals are guard- I
ed." Oh, he hit the title right, even
if he was asleep.—United Presby
terian.
Changed.
"He used to kiss me every time'we
passed through a tunnel before our
marriage," said the little woman, with
sad reflections.
"And does he do so now?"asked the
bosom friend.
"No, he takes a drink."
Salesmen—Best Commission Offer
on Earth,
pies, coat pocket. "Boston," Dept. C 1,
Iowa City. Iowa.
New—all retailers—sain
When doctors disagree they are apt
to make sarcastic remarks about each
j other that savor of the truth.
TO ( I RK A COLI) IN ONK DAY
Take LAXATIV K HitoMO Oulntne
I »niKtfi sis refund money if it falls to eu
tjitOS' K'N sitfuat
Tablet*. '
t: \V !
lb
each box 25c.
Some people's morals are like their
best clothes—only worn on extraordin
ary occasions.
I'IKK Y DAVIS'
enviable
* UNKIl l.KR
fcciatlc
II druggists.
has
reli&bU
, stitches.
'PUtiitU
ot
years
sa
edy for lumbugti
25c. 25c and f«Ur. A
pleurisy i
The bravest dentist isn't anxious to i
look into the jaws of death.
■»Ir*. toothing Syrnp.
•frens tliegHPih, redu«''»* in
wind colic 2f»caiK>tUe.
•hlltlren teething,
Humiliation, allays paln.c
GosBips multiply everything they I
hear by two
We Give Avuay
Absolutely Free of Costrz
The People's Common Sense Medical Adviser, in Plain
English, or Medicine Simplified, by R. V. Pierce, M. D.,
Chief Consulting Physician to the Invalids' Hotel and Sur
gical Institute at Buffalo, a book of 1008 large pages and
over 700 illustrations, in strong paper covers, to any one sending 21 one-cent
stamps to cover cost of mailing only, or, in French Cloth binding for 31 stamps.
Over 680,000 copies of this complete Family Doctor Book were sold in cloth
binding at regular price of $1.50. Afterwards, one and a half million copies
were given away as above. A new, up-to-date revised edition is now ready
for mailing. Better send NOW, before all are gone. Address World's Dis
pensa»!' Medical Association, R. V. Pierce, M. D., President, Buffalo N. Y.
DR. PIERCE'S FAVORITE
THF- ONT, RF. MEDY for woman's peculiar ailments good enough
that its makers are not afraid to print on its outside wrapper ita
•very ingredient. No Secrets—No Deception.
THE ONE REMEDY for women which contains
no habit-forming drugs.
i _of well established curative value.
j
PRESCRIPTION
no alcohol and
Made from native medicinal forest
roots
Story of a Moving Pumpkin.
A pumpkin whs seen to walk across
the MM I'.v Mn sainm-i H UfM of
Skowegnn recently. When she saw
It she thought her eyes were deceiv
ing her, hut she soon perc ived that
the pumpkin moved a Unie way,
stopped and then turned In another
direction. 8he watched this object for
some time and told one of her neigh j
The mystery was solved, but
hors.
the two women did not dare to go
nearer the moving vegetable, but
called a man who knocked the pump
kin over and found a polecat,
skunk had crawled under the pumpkin
and stuck his head into a hole In It
and was unable to extricate himself
from it and had walked off as best he
could with the pumpkin on his back.—
Lewiston Journal.
The
Friendly Bird*.
Most of the birds and mammals have
the fear of man in their hearts, and
are difficult to approach, but others
show no great concern. The Alaskan
jays, for instance, are devoted camp
followers. "They proved useful as
scavengers," says Mr. Osgood, "and
cooked oatmeal seemed to attract
them even more than raw meat. They
many times hopped about the campfire,
or perched on the tent poles and
ropeB. Their harsh chattering was
not always pleasant, but was some
what atoned for by their less fre
quent soft whistle and their pert and
confident ways, so on the whole their
presence was welcomed."
Rough on Rats in Out Buildings.
ïn setting Rough
Rats in out build
ings after mixing it well with any food de
cided upon, separate into small bit «. place on
several pieces of boards, and put these here
and there under the floors, ('lose up all
openings large enough for Dogs, C'ats or
Chickens to enter, nut
openings for Rats to get in and out. One
25c. box of Rough on Rats, being all
poison, will make enough mixture to clear
out in one or two nights settings, hundreds
of Rats and Mice.
leave some small
15c., 25<\. 75o.. at
Druggists. K. S. Wells. Jersey City, N. J.
Always at It.
Mrs. Benham—Woman's work Is
never done.
Benham—That's so; even after she
is married she is trying to make men
fall in love with her
Ilamlina Wizard Oil will knock the
spotR off a Rore throat. It R une makes
tonsilitis, quinsy and diphtheria impossi
ble. It is simply great for the relief
all pain, soreness and inflammation.
f
One man's hobby may be unother
man's nightmare.
GASTQRIA
(gggÖjÜI
j
Ml
For Infants and Children.
I!
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
Bears the Ay v
Signature /Æli
Ci'ï
$
ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT
AVegefable Preparation Tor As
similating the Food and Regula
ting the Stomachs and Bowels of
$
I
&
K ?
»I
Promotes Digestion,Cheerful
ess and Resl Contains neither
Opium, Morphine nor Mineral
Not Narcotic
Prnpr •SOM DrSAMV£irm#E/i
A»v*U S~J
Àlx Stnna *
AW ArJJ* Sm/tj •
Àniti Sfd «
Aepptnttiml -
aiCn r èmu m U S*da ■
Kit
>:
of
K
!*
»
In
I
Mirm Scad -
&
CiarSitA J' si our
Wimbryrttn Ffnvor
Use
•s
A perfect Remedy for Constipa
tion . Sour Stomach,Diarrhoea,
Worms,Convulsions .Feverish
ness and LOSS OF SLEEP
,!l< ——--.
Facsimile Signatur* of
H :
MI
PM
■ For Over
Thirty Years
Ù!
Gte.
k'ïjji
The Centauh Company.
NEW YORK.
&
n
T
'
!
Exact Copy of Wrapper*
TM, vtNT.il. ...Hvr, an ran. vitt.
TCTT
i
A
i
0
Lhi
[tl
m
ml
Lhi
[tl
m
ml
RAW FURS I 8 HÄJS 2
price list and tan*.
Highest prices paid and sailafactory ret
I.OTZ 11 I I > 1 : A. UOOI. < o.
rtsfnrd, \>h.
I
ILn.Tr, (.,1.
1 ,| ,( <11,, K. D.
X
WOULD BE THERE.
"Hey, janitor, come quick,
a man fell down de coal hole!"
"All right, sonny, I'll look Into it!"
Here's
A woman may be as old as she
looks, but it makes a diffvjrence
whether it's before or after shi
dressed to go out.

vta\n\\\oîV
CcW^LYÇÛÜVCW
May W^moxvevÄy ovurcoure«
by ptenpet eftwXs wtvVk; as
MStoKLcj CKV&VtuVy Wt^vcvaV
taxaVwe, remeày Syrap ojTvgs &£Vmr
of SemrftvcY ena\Aes oretoJarwrefcA«
Va\)v\s iia\\y so \W\ awivaXanulo nature,
may be ÇtaàuaWy ämpensed w'vttv
wHetvtvo \wv£ct muted.as hebest of
tuvredres w'Wufc^uvred are tc assist
nature,audwA to suypWt Ava uotuTaV
fuTvotxows .wVacVmuit defend uVtv—
makty uponyrepeT uourvsbmenV,
proper effotts.awl n$\t\vv\u$ ^enetaWy.
I T<- £.1 ih buw^wvaV $iclv always b«y Uh» ^(WM,
CALIFORNIA
Fig Syrup Co.
3010 BY ALL LEAD) NO DRUGGISTS
ORt SIZE ONLY— REGULAR PRICt SO* PER BOTTLE.
i
1
j
DYOLA DYES
16 fast, beautiful colors, 10c i>cr packatr«* at dealers
! If uot in stock, send us 10c stailn# color desired.
%
ONE DYE FOR ALL GOODS
I Color card and book of dlrectlous free by writing
| l>y-o-lu, Burlington, Vermont,
DYOLA DY
W. N. U„ Salt Lake City, No. tk
Worms
"Casczrets are certainly fine. I gave a friend
hen the doctor was treating him for cancer
ot the stomach. The next morning he passed
four pieces of a tape worm. He then got a box
and in three days he passed a tape-worm 45 feet
Ion«. It was Mr. Matt Freck, of Millersburg
Dauphin Co.. Pa. I am quite a worker for Casca!
rets. I use them tuysell and 6n<l them beneficial
for most any disease caused by impure blood ••
Chas. E. Conti on, Lewiston. Pa., (Mi.Oiu Co i
one
CUT THIS OCT. mail It
vltli your ad
dress to Sterling Remedy Company, Chi
cago, Illinois, and receive
a handsomo
souvenir gold Ron Bon FREE
an
Readers
of this paper dc
siring t o buy
anything adver
tised in its columns should insUt upon
having what they a.-k (or, refusing all
suhsh'utes or imitations.

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