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THE EMMETT INDEX.
IC Kl EMC LOBTON, Publisher. EMMETT IDAHO GRANDMOTHER 8AI0. •Always sot your chair back when you are going away; Don't leavo it In the middle of the room o; » landing rarrleNily.'* This is what grandmother said, as often, when a boy, 1 Jum|H-d tip sryl ran out of doors a reckles» bobble «de* hoy. •Always ' \ rour chair back when you arc going, away; Don't leave It In «he middle of the room or standing carelessly.'* Theuc voids, n-pcated long ago, come ever fresh to mind. When Unir duties are o'erlooked of left to lag behind. In the daily walks of busy life, when we think we haven't time To be orderly and almost look upon politeness as a rrli__ We are quite too spt, from carcieesneae« to think. If not to eay. That It nirittere not if we forget to set our chairs away. Bat It will be found (bat dally life will b. more w the living If wo blend. In harmony, the precepts of re buff and of giving; If wo lived the tender cbldiuga dealt om lo childhood's day. And olwu) s "set our chair back when we are going nway." —Clark \V. Bryan In Good Housekeeping. A iVnmUrful Timekeeping Automaten. Ono of tli« moat wonderful timekeep ers known to the Imrologist was made in London about 100 yearn ago and sent by the president of the East India com pany ns a gift to the emperor of Cbhia. The case was made iu the form of a chariot, in whit It was seated the figure of n woman. This figure was of pure ivory and gold and sat with her right hand resting upon a tiny clock fastened to the side of the vehicle, A part of the wheels which kept track of the flight of timo were hidden in the hotly of a tiny bird, which had seemingly just alighted Upon the lady's finger. Above was n canopy so arranged as to conceal a silver bell. This bell was fit ted with a miniature hammer of the sumo niotul, and although it appeared lo have no connection with thu clock regu larly struck the hours and could lie tnado to repeat by ton ling a diamond button on the lady's bodice In theohnr lot nt the ivory Indy's feet there was a golden figure of a dog, ami altove and In front were two birds np|utrently flying before the chariot. This beautiful orna ment was made almost entirely of gold nml was elaborately decorated with pre Clouu stones.—St. Louis Republic. High Kmplaslvra. Thrro nre certain explosives of high power which, when heated, burn quietly if freely exposed, or if confined explode only nt tho spot where heat is applied without tho whole mass taking part in the explosion, Nltroglyeerol. dynamite, pun cotton, picric acid and tho new German military powder are examples. This is sold to be because they nro had conductors of their own explosive wave. If, however, tho same substances are subjected to a violent shock by the ex plosion in their midst of Initial charges cf mercury fulminate, tho shock seems to affect oil Hie molecules of the explo sive nt once, and the whole moss of the latter explodes with enormous violence. —Kew York Bun. The Pearl Oyster. Very few people ore aware that the pearl oyster is not in any way lik» the oysters which we cut. it is of an entire ly different species, and as n matter of fact tho shells of tho so called jieurl oys ters lire of for more value to thus« en gaged In pearl fishing than the pearls. There are extensive pearl fisheries in the gulf of California, and tome of the finest pearl» have been taken from those wa ters. In 1881 ono js-arl—a black one— was sold for $t0,U00, and every your «inco that time many pearls have been taken from tho beds in tho California gulf valued at over |7,500 each.—Chica go Herald. She l.ov.d Him. Single Mau (to himself)—I am sure that darling little angel loves me. She takc-i mo into her confidence and tells (uo all her troubles. Santo Man (some years later)— Cou sant It nil! From morning till uight, and night till morning, when I'm home, I hair nothing hot tale* about the ecrv nnt*. the butcher, the butler, the bakur, tho candlestick maker and all tho rest of 'vtu,—New York Weekly. Nut tu II« Cuinilil«rttl. Mrs. Chngwuter (after on ntuisnally spirited engagement)—Josiah, if we can't gel along in peace, we'd better se; arate. Mr. Chngwuter (shaking his head mournfully)—It wouldn't help matters any, Samantha. I can tell you right now you'd never get another man that would endure your cooking as meekly as 1 do."-Chicngo Tribune. Roots of all trees draw large quanti ties of moisture from tho soil, which is discharged into the air through the leaves, it is estimated that an oak tree with 700,COO leaves would give off some thing like 700 ton» of water during the five months it carries its foliage. In British India the numlierof persons adhering to the sects of the ancient Brahmanio religious belief is estimated at 211,010.000. There are 7.000,000 Budd hists. 00,000 Parsees. 57,000,000 Moham medans and 0,000,000 of the ancient gans or nature worshipers. There was recently given in Denmark a concert that may be regarded as abso lutely unique as regards the iustrameuts used. The instruments included two horns from the brome age, which are believed to bo nt least 2,500 years old. The drinking of saltwater is said to »sickness, though es the patient very miserable for a few minute* after be takes the cure P® bo a perfect euro for it m THE OLD RED SLEIGH. I* 11 own the With It* rod» an» I vnruiah iiiiffet. With it* bell* that gayly Jingle And iu furry robe* of white. Of the latent at y le and IlnUb Fit to bold a royal goret; Hi ill, it fvinn to in y poor vtlhdom That th* old red alelgh U brat. When a boy. 1 well remember. Fattier piled u* children on For a rid* down to the village Mary, Kate, myeei/ and John. How the winter w ind* c-ame 'Hound un from the treele*« weal! But 'two* warm there all together. For the old red «leigh i* beet. When I wo* a youth of twenty, Hrolber John won quite a lad; How we gathered in the neighbor«. And what gioriou* times we bad! Never wa* there one too many. Hut It always atood the teat. Though it overflowed with young fedfcat Yea, that old red sleigh t* best. Then I married, and yoar mother Kode beside me all the way. Aa we went for merry dinner* Many a glad»ome holiday. Ami her little snowy Angers, In my great, strong hand careaeed, Heem*«l to always mutely tell me That the old red sleigh was best. And again, that long, sad win 1er. Just before nhc went from To her home among the angels. We were riding out. w o three. And I «tin to see her sitting With you there upon her brcaal* in my bran 1 hold the picture; And the old red sleigh la beat. —Lucius Mitchell In New York ledger pretty. AT MRS. VAN TROMP'S. The Van Tromp mansion was brilliant ly Illuminated. Carriage after carriage rolled up to the awning that roofed the crossing from the curbstone to the marble steps of the stalely old building, and crowds uf cari ous idlers defied the drizzling rain to catch a fleeting glimpse of the guests as they hnrried shiveringly into the house. It goes without saying that a gather ing where Carrolls and Cadwalladers were to dance with Winthrops. Living stons and Biddles would be a thor oughly "swell" and exclusive affair. Old Hen stood guard at the entrance doors. He had cradled the grandfather of the present master of the house and knew the social creme de la creme, not only from long association in the capacity of butter uf the Van Trumps, but by in stinct almost. Ben was making his profuiuidest obei sance to u wrinkled old dowager, who, us a little girl, bad listened to his fables, when a faultlessly appointed equipage drove up to the curb with clanking chains. The liveried servant vaulted from the coach box and opened the carriage door with a bow of the moet approved form. A very pretty blond head, a hand some, rosy face, a matchless bust, and the balance of an elegantly attired fig ure, not to forget the tiniest tiptoes of a satin slippered pair of feet, emerged. Her bearing was aristocratic, yet not hangbty, tier dress in admirable taste and the diamonds of that thoroughly proper size, color and arrangement char acteristic of old family jewels. Altogether she made an appearance that charmed and delighted the onlook ers, Including old Ben. * However, despite years of proximity to well bred people, the colored cerberus could not repress the low exclamation. •Fo' do Ian sake," when he failed to see any one else leave the carriage after her. The doors were opened and the way to the cloakroom was shown to the new comer. Her wraps being disposed of she as cended the live or six steps that led to the reception room. Mrs. Van Tromp had not qui te finished her effusive greeting of the great grand daughter of a colonial governor when she saw the young lady. How was it that sbs did not know the handsome guest? She vainly strove to recollect the name while extending her hands to the new comer. who tremblingly placed her own therein, saying, with a faltering voice; •Mr». De Ryder sends through me her most sincere regrets at her inability to enjoy your hospitality tonight." •Oh. 1 am very, very sorry she could not coino, but of course 1 am mare than delighted to entertain here-harming rep reaeiitatjve," eagerly reapunded the hostess, os she thought of the dowager lady of the Baltimore De Ryders. Once within the hallowed abode of ex clusiveness the young lady withdrew to a comparatively dark corner and »eyed the kings and queens of society sad their surroundings with an odd mingling of wonderment, awe and curi osity. and with the critical eye of bent upon impressing even tbe smallest details upon tbe memory. "Rett satin hangings, embroidered with the Van Tromp coat of arms in gold and silver, festoons of maréchal niel roses entwined with maidenhair ferns and studded with incandescent lights in colored globes." she murmured to herself. Mir one "Furniture in white ami silver"— Jost then the band began to play, and she continued, "music by about twelve string instrumenta, and oh. how deli cious!" she added, as she half •cionsly tupped the time of the tuna with her slipper. "1 have come for my waltx. Miss Van dercook," said a gentleman to a young lady who had been sitting beside her. and the two walked away and wore soon lost among the dancers. , ■'Vandercook, Miss Vandercook," whis pered the carious young woman, must remember that name," and she told uucon -I off the letters on her fingers. She did the same with every name she heard mentioned thereafter. "Do yon not dance at all?" she sud denly heard herself asked, and turning toward the speaker she recognized the host Ere she had timo to reply, be added. "But 1 bog your pardon for ono ! moment," as he started to walk toward a group of yonng mon who were chat tag In a window alcove; | Presently be returned with a »all. M e a d geo titra n. wham he Introduced a* "My friend and old college chum, Mr. Jack Rush," and turning to the athletic young man he said. "A friend uf the De Ryders." Five minutes later the new acquaint ances were doing full justice to the salta torial Inspiration created by Strauss' breezy music. After the dance they sat down togeth er and talked. Her evident aversion to ward discussing conventional society topics amused him, and the naive and sensible way in which she expressed her Views on other subjects pleased him im mensely. And she was equally delighted with »ho frank, manly ways of Mr. Rush, which contrasted very agreeably with the popular idea that never conceives the combination of brains and society They hud already danced two waltzes, a mazourka. a contradance and a New port together, and as the midnight hour approached Mr. Van Tromp's friend heard himself slyly twitted by his quaintances whenever an opportunity offered itself. In fact, not only the sharp nosed and sharp eyed duennas, but even his male as a rule, are always the last to perceive that something "is up," noticed that ho had only once left the side of the handsome young lady since their introduction, and then he had only gone to get her some sherbet during an interval between two numbers of the programme. They were dancing a schottische and os Mr. Rush looked proudly down upon his partner he noticed the glow of pleas ure and excitement upon her pretty cheeks and the glitter of happiness in her large gray eyes, and he admitted to himself that be had never seen so thor oughly ravishing u face. Suddenly she stopped in the midst of the dunce. The Hush left her face and gave way to an expression of alarm. The somber sound of a nearby church tower clock rose above the gay music in twelve slowly vibrating strokes. "Are you ill/" asked Mr. Kush solici tously. after having brought his nearly fainting partner to a seat. "Let me bring you some water." "No—no thank you," she whispered; "do not trouble yourself; 1 was only frightened about ite being so late'. Some how 1 forgot all about"— She did not finish her sentence, but arose abruptly and turned in the direction of the stair way. "Permit me at least to have your car riage brought and let mo get your wraps," and he started to execute his purpose. She stopped him with a gesture and said: "You are really very, very thought ful. but 1 think, that is—1 will have to — er —it will do me good to walk." and she blushed and looked confused. Jack Rush gazed at her in utter amaze ment: the idea of a young lady of asocial standing that admitted her to the ultra exclusive Van Trompball, walking home after midnight, and alone, was beyond his understanding. However he was too well bred to show surprise and so he simply said, "Then 1 piust insist upon your permitting me at least to see you safely home." With that he offered her bis arm and brought her into the entrance hall, where he waited for her return from the cloak room. There wore four distinctly new wrin kles of surprise iu old Ron's forehead when he saw the two pass out of the hall and actually walk, think of it, w a-l-k, up street. It had stopped raining and the clear cold night air had covered the pave ments with an icy coating. They walked very close to each other, and Mr. Rush pressed the arm of his companion quite hard in order to keep her from slipping. At a near corner they boarded a horse men ue friend» who car. What puzzsd ths young man was that ever since they had loft the house the lady hud met all his attempts at conver sation with a monosyllabic reticence that bespoke a preoccupied mind. Presently she asked, "By the way, who was the elderly lady in yellow bro cade who had brought her two daugh ters to the ball?" "Do you mean Mrs. Vandercook, of Anna polis?" "Yes, that is the name; dear me, 1 think 1 have really forgotten nearly all the names," she sighed. "What shall 1 do? What shall 1 do?" I face which echoed her own anxiety, and ! then turning her eyes toward the floor of the car she said hesitatingly, "I would be ever so much pleased to have yon get me the names of all the people who wer« at tbO"baU: but mind you every one of ^ em - "la that all yon wanted?'' he asked, ! and when she nodded assent ho broke into a loud laugh, in which somehow or other she had to join. There was such an honest ring to it. | "Why, my dear young lady, t assure yon that tomorrow morning's papers will print a full list of the names to gether with a description of the entire affair, not to forget the dresses worn by tbe ladiee." He looked more puzzled than ever, but as he saw tbe evident distress uf the young lady he inquired with a tender, sympathetic touch in his voice, "Why don't you tell mo what is troubling you: perhaps 1 might bo of service to you?' For a moment she gazed into his frank ceodingly careful not to let the newsy* per» know anything about their enter inmnn "Oh, but not this one," rejoined bis companion, "the Van Tramps are so ex "Don't you worry; these newspaper reporters manage to get in everywhere, f 0 ' 1 knotv, though how they do it is ofu ' n " mystery to me." She only smiled feebly and motioned to the driver to stop, Mr. Hush left the car with her. After »»'hing some fifty yards up a side street •he halted before a dimly lit stairway. There was a lot of yellow paper scat tör ^* about, such as telegraphic dis patches are written upon. Despite an offhand effort on her part to him his conge at the foot of the «fairs by effusively thanking him for th» kindly escort, be Insisted upon ascending with her. The adventure had become so compli cated that he was bound to "see it out." After having climbed three flights of stairs the young lady stopped before a door that bore the inscription, "City Editorial Rooms." Then she looked in a shamefaced manner from Mr. Rush to the door and from the door to Mr. Rush. But he never said a word. She turned the knob and entered. The loom was tilled with the tobacco smoke nt reporters who had just turned in their copy. (n the farther end of the room stood the desk of the local editor of The Daily Press-Telegraph. He wheeled around on his chair as the door opened, and seeing the young lady he exclaimed: "Hello, there you are Miss C. Did you get in all right? Oh, yon did? Well, you haven't very much time to get your story written, and he smiled in a thoroughly pleased manner. Then catching sight of the gentleman he arose with alacrity and extended his band with a "How do you do, Jack; glad to see you: come and sit down a minute. 1 will talk to you us soon os 1 have sent this copy up stairs. Take a paper. Haven't seen you since college time," and turning to his desk he con tinued to make broad marks with a blue pencil across the reporters' copy. Mr. Rush was bewildered. What did it» all mean? Was the delicious young creature who sat there in gorgeous finery at an ink stained desk, writing away for dear life, really the same young lady whom he had met in the ex clusive society of the Van Trotups? While waiting for the time when the city editor would give him the key to the puzzle lie made a list uf the guests who had been at the ball, for which the young lady rewarded him with a gra cious though a trifle shamefaced smile. "You see, my dear boy," at last said the editor in a half whisper, "we worked it beautifully. We had to get something about the Van Tromp affair, but even out keenest reporters were balked in any attempt to secure particulars before hand. There was still less likelihood of our getting the news at the ball itself unless we employed desperate means. "Miss C. has been writing some stories for us occasionally, and of course she objected very strenuously at first to ap pear under false colors until the manag ing editor promised her a regular ap pointment on the paper, which she needs badly enough, poor girl. She is taking care of a crippled brother and of her mother also. They had once been in better circumstances. But that is neither here nor there. Isn't it beautiful! Hired dress, diamonds, carriage, everything How grandly we will scoop our esteemed contemporaries?" and he laughed bois terously. Mr. Rnsh joined in the laugh. About four months later the young lady reporter was playing with a spar kling diamond ring that shone on her hand. Mr. Rnsh sat by her side and nobody was near to interrupt their little tete-a-tete. Mr. Rush was very thoughtful. "What is ailing you. Jack—Mr. Rush?" came from her. She had to rej>eat the question after a wait of a minute or so. "1 will ask you just one question," ha replied, "if you promise not to take it amiss." Of course the promise was given. "How is it that you posed as a friend of the De Ryders when you came to the Van Tromp ball?" The young lady burst into a rippling laugh. "You dear old goose," she said at last, when she succeeded in suppressing her mirth, "there is a nice old woman going the rounds of the newspaper offices at night. She sells apples, tigs, candy— anything you want. Her name is Mrs. De Ryder, and she never dreamed that any one else bore that name but herself. You would not blame me for the little stratagem of using her name, especially as it was perfectly true that she *8111 cerely regretted her Inability to enjoy the hospitality of Mrs. Van Tramp,' would you?"—Max De Lipman in Epoch. A Itemarkable Coincidence. Some time ago a lady in London wished to write to a friend in America whose address she did not know. The only means she had of procuring the ad dress was to write to a mutual friend, who also lived in America. This she accordingly did, and the letter was duly dispatched. The ship which carried the letter was wrecked and the mails were for a time lost. They were eventually recov ered and brought back to England, the letters, now much damaged by sea water, being returned through the dead i etter office to the senders. The letter j n question was sent back to the lady, who naturally examined it minutely, To her surprise she found that another letter had become closely stuck to it. Holding up the twofold missive to the light, she deciphered the address on the one which was stuck to her own. It was a letter addressed to the friend to whom she had wished to write, and to discover whose whereabouts her own letter had lieen dispatched. Her letter thus literally brought back its own an iwrr.—Leeds (Eng.) Mercury. An Autlcipatcd 11..sure. A congressman of Mississippi after making a speech in opposition to the ex pensive funerals of congressmen, says ^e received a letter from a constituent giving: "When you die, John, we won't ask congress to (m> the ex]>cuse of your funeral. You've got enough friends down here, John, to give you a respect able burial, and we would take pleasure in doing it.''—Charleston News and (Courier. Kia» An Handled Several Tim«, Eggs are gathered by hucksters, who tn turn sell them to what the dealers re f er to as the shippers, by whom they are gent to New York. After the eggs got here they are again handled by the corn mission merchants, and finally they reach the grocer, who disposes of them to the consumera. —Nsw York Evening Sun. A SONG OF LOVE. Ü, love, love, love! Woe ever Sweeter thon Mile* the dew has wet. Or the ki*» of car; b'» greatest king; Sweet in life, w hen living I» bliss, eetcr than th'sl cei a thing! But love— O. lovo Is Ü, love, love, lovo! Won év strong a thing! Stronger than passions Or fortune's crudest sting: Strong Is death, when perish the brave. But love—O, love conquer* death and the gravel —Emma O. Dowd in Springfield Homestead. wind or flame. SETTING ALONG WITH ONE SERVANT Was Able to Enter a Wash Day. low One \V»i taiu Some Friend* Two friend* were attempting to arrange s day at which some mutual acquaint ances, staying in the city for a short time, could be invited to the home of one or the other for luncheon. There were difficulties owing I» many other engagements. The only possible day was the next Monday, but Mrs. Crane, who kept two or three servants, said she never dared ask com pany to her house Monday. If she should tell her cook she wanted something extra for the midday meal there would be such black looks and grumbling that she would be glad to leave the kitchen. "That settles it," said Mrs. Jones at "Come to my house." once. Of course there were remonstrances, as Mrs. Crane knew her friend kept but one girl, and could not imagine how she could even think of such a thing. There seemed to be no other alternative, however, so they separated after a few more words about the hour. When the time arrived and Mrs. Crane had rung her friend's doorbell, a neat looking girl in thecleanestof white aprons admitted her She was shown at once to an up stairs sitting room, where Mrs. calm Mid unruffled as if washings Jones looked there were no such things and washing days. She was with Mrs. Clayton, who had already arrived. The luncheon was just splendid, not elaborate, but consisting of several fixed up dishes, which lake time, including some very delicate hot muffins and oyster patties. The one girl waited on the table, as if she never did any other kind of work. Mrs. Crane refrained from making remarks just as long as she possibly could, when she leaned back in her chair with the questions: "How do you contrive. Mary, to do so much witli only one girl? Do you put out your washing?" Mary laughed at her friend's Intensity, then began: "Our clothes are washed, dried and sprinkled, all ready for ironing. In fact, 1 shouldn't be at all surprised if. after the lunch dishes are washed, Ellen ironed the handkerchiefs and napkins. My domestic and myself are in perfect harmony, almost as if we were sisters. We like each other, the result is we work together. You've no idea how much housework can be thrown off when two in telligent, well women set about making a success of whatever they have planned. I explained to Ellen the circumstances and she entered heartily into all the arrange ments. Of course I am very fortunate in having such a girl, but I do think that too many domestics make work." All were interested by this time to know where she obtained such intelligent help, how-much she paid her and many other questions. It soon became evident that the washings at tbe Jones' bouse were very small, due to many contrivances of its kind hearted mistress, who wore few frills and flounces. "Then," as she said to Mrs. Crane, "you would not have been satisfied with this old fashioned way of having sal ads, muffins, croquettes and cold meats all placed on the table at once, changing plates only for the desert. This makes it easy for one girl to wait on the table. My simple notions of hospitality are due doubtless to my long residence In England, where even the wealthy are satisfied with far less for company fare than our middle class Amer leans are." It is the old story of the bard worked American country woman, who thinks she must have six kinds of cake for tea the night the minister is so unfortunate as to he present, and it is just this mistaken idea of hospitality, together with the work it entails, including a vulgar love of display, which makes housekeeping such «difficult problem.—Brooklyn Eagle. Girl* Should Lexrn to Talk. Oh. girls, learn to talkl 1 have been among girls a great deal, tn fact was once a girl myself, and the folly of talking idle nonsense seems so plain to me that 1 would like to make my girl friends see it too. I have known so many girls, bright girls, who were hiding their talents behind emp ty chatter and "joking" with tbeir young gentlemen friends, making such foolish torts and pointless little speeches, that 1 re have wished they could see themselves others see them. Be well read, If that means acquainting one's self as much as possible with the best that la in this wide awake literary world, books, magazines and clean newspapers. Head them critically Be original and fight bravely for your opinions, but If your good sense detects their unstability retire gracefully into the background. Make yourself well informed in all the happenings ami writings and dealings of this lively Nineteenth century. Now, girls, don't you see, I Just mean this: Have your ammunition stored ready, but don't burn your precious pow' ier until you can hit the mark.—Annie H Donnell in American Agriculturist. as up Hot Waler Hug*. The efficacy of hot water in inflamma tory conditions can hardly be overrated. To a limited extent its value has long been known. Our mothers and grandmothers made use of the wollen cloths dipped iu hot water in some forms of inflammation. At present the worth of this remedy in al most all forms of pain is generally recog nized by the medical profession. Hot cloths, however, are not convenient of application In many cases. They are apt to wet tbe clothing and they soon cool and require repeated dipping. The rubber bag is in every respect superior. Once brought to the proper temperature, the heat is long retained; It is neat and in every way easy of application. Every family iu the country, as well as in tho city, should have at least one ready for any emergency.—Youth's Companion. Girls* Sch. • I*. Notwithstanding all our boasting and the truly remarkable progress which American schools have mode within the past few years, it is evident that our sy» terns of education are yet scarcely beyond the formative and experimental And in no respect Is this stage, more apparent than in tho current multifarious ideas con cerning tbe education of girls. What are tbe conditions and possibilities of the ideal school for girls, and whether, all things considered, tho private school is generally to be preferred to the publie, are problems which are to be solved only after easeful and judicious consideration.— Harper's. r THE BEST MAN. Rliowlnj That HU Lot T» \ ot Happy One. There was a wedding yesterday! Was there? Gracious, I trust thl« u n the bridegroom! ' not Oh, no! The bridegroom and thehrld. have left for parts unknown. Tblae..„fi the best man. Almqr, , alua w He seems somewhat broken up. j 8 u young man of intemperate habita? * a No; bis habits are not bad. Ue is simnl a victim of matrimony. pIy I daresay he had aspired himself lady's hand and has been drowning disappointment? to the out big No. That is not It either. There •ne or two e.x-nsptrers among the ™ but the best man was simply « fnl.i.c ! "" friend of the groom. His fidelity seems to have brought him in for some onerous obligations, m It is true. His responsibilities and the anxieties of his position have aged hi somewhat. Is it indeed so serious a job to be man? Indeed it is. Why, what is there to do? For 24 hours before the wedding the best man is the responsi hie owner of the groom lie tacitly undertakes to produce the groom at thecburch, cleanshaven, suitably attired and iu his right mind, or else to lake his place. If the groom shows syrno toms of running away, he must shackle him. Some best men invariably handcuff themselves to their grooms on the morning of the day before the wedding as a reason able precaution against accidents, for when a best a best man's confidence has been abused once or twice it makes him cautious At the convivial exercise of the day be fore the wedding several score of the groom's more intimate friends always in sist on taking drinks with him. The cu mulative effect of so much sympathetic btirfiuliiut is liable to make trouble, so the best man does not permit the ' . , , . , Rroom to overindulge his feelings. The usual way Is for the best man touctasthegroom'sproxy in this matter, so that the night before the wedding is full of trouble for him. Never theless he must be up early the next morn ing, must see that the bridesmaids have all received their bouquets, that be lias tha minister's money In tbe right pocket, that he has a wedding ring in each of his pock ets, that tbe carriage orders are under stood, that the groom has made adequato provision for bis wedding journey and that the ushers are presentable and can walk. All this he must do without letting ths groom leave his sight. When the wedding is over and he lias consigned his charge lo the care of the bride, be takes tbe groom's place as host and sees in particular that the groom's friends from out of town are suita bly entertained and shipped bornent con venient intervals on their proper trains. Only when the last of them is gone cun he call his man and go home to bed. Is a man ever best man more than once? Some very popular men have been best man us often as a dozen times, but usually one or two experiences are enough to con vince the experimenter that matrimony It self is u less trying ordeal.—Life. A Matter of Doubt. Riding along the Clover fork of thoCutn berlaud one day, I overtook a mountaineer, and we jogged along together. We talked of timber, crops and politics, and finally got down to personalities. "Have you always lived here?" I asked. "No," he replied; "I come from Perr county." "How long have you lived here?" "Five y'er, goin on six." "Married, 1 presume?" "Yes, but 1 wuzn't when I fust come. I worked by the day for the Widder Stevens and boarded with her. That's all the home I had. It's that farm with tho two story house onto it you passed about four mile below here." "It's a very nice place, I noticed " "Fust rate. I run it. I married the wid der. "Oh!" I said in surprise. " Yes, me and her hitched inside of a ys'r." "That's a good deal cheaper than the old way, isn't it?" "Well," he said doubtfully, "I ain't shore. In course the property's worth sumptbin, but countin iu the widder fer a man uvmy peaceable dispessition, it ain't sitch dcru cheap livin ez you might s'pose it wuz."— Detroit Free Press. A Natural Krror, He was standing in front of the train waving a red lantern. Tho shadows fell across the upper portion of his face, partly covered by an old slouch bat. Tbe engineer reversed with a jerk and the train stopped. "Make sure of your aim.menl Don't let one of them escapel" howled thochief of the 14 detectives as they surrounded him. "Hands upl Move a muscle and yerdeadl We've got ye dead to rights! We've been laying for you" "Boys," said tho Missouri farmer, "have ye robbed and captured tho train" "Watch him, menl I know him by the photo I got in Chicago. He's an uncle of Bill Dal" "What's the matter with you fellers?" "Why did you stop this train, you vil lain?" "Nuthin, only thar's a bridge washed ou» down to Turkey Bend, and" But the rest of the conversation was ad dressed to the j ug.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. A Telltale Look. "How did you get on?" Rialto. "Oh, asked on the I met with fair success. I played Hamlet for the first time, you know. It went all right, except that I stumbled and fell into Ophelia's grave." "That must have been awfully embar rassing. " "So it was, but I would not have minded It if tho audiouce bad not looked so tired when I got out."—New York Herald. vas Getting Out of It. Lady—There were chickens in those eggs you sold me yesterday. Are you going to make me pay for them? "No, ma'am. As you didn't order spring chickens, we'H just charge 'em to you a4 egg».—Raymond's Monthly. Desperate. êl U . > Mm ' ■ 'A . ■ „U S"'U V Raphael—Susanna, gazo on yonder deep declivity. Me fadder committed sulch-e dere t'ree years before I was born, H you do not forsake decount and proud 8 ® ' J be mine, I willt'row meself downdeorticeP rocks and end dis vere empty existence- — Truth.