THE EMMETT INDEX.
IC Kl EMC LOBTON, Publisher.
•Always sot your chair back when you are
Don't leavo it In the middle of the room o;
» landing rarrleNily.'*
This is what grandmother said, as often, when
1 Jum|H-d tip sryl ran out of doors a reckles»
bobble «de* hoy.
•Always ' \ rour chair back when you arc
Don't leave It In «he middle of the room or
Theuc voids, n-pcated long ago, come ever
fresh to mind.
When Unir duties are o'erlooked of left to lag
In the daily walks of busy life, when we think
we haven't time
To be orderly and almost look upon politeness
as a rrli__
We are quite too spt, from carcieesneae« to
think. If not to eay.
That It nirittere not if we forget to set our
Bat It will be found (bat dally life will b.
If wo blend. In harmony, the precepts of re
buff and of giving;
If wo lived the tender cbldiuga dealt om lo
And olwu) s "set our chair back when we are
—Clark \V. Bryan In Good Housekeeping.
A iVnmUrful Timekeeping Automaten.
Ono of tli« moat wonderful timekeep
ers known to the Imrologist was made
in London about 100 yearn ago and sent
by the president of the East India com
pany ns a gift to the emperor of Cbhia.
The case was made iu the form of a
chariot, in whit It was seated the figure
of n woman. This figure was of pure
ivory and gold and sat with her right
hand resting upon a tiny clock fastened
to the side of the vehicle, A part of the
wheels which kept track of the flight of
timo were hidden in the hotly of a tiny
bird, which had seemingly just alighted
Upon the lady's finger.
Above was n canopy so arranged as to
conceal a silver bell. This bell was fit
ted with a miniature hammer of the
sumo niotul, and although it appeared lo
have no connection with thu clock regu
larly struck the hours and could lie
tnado to repeat by ton ling a diamond
button on the lady's bodice In theohnr
lot nt the ivory Indy's feet there was a
golden figure of a dog, ami altove and In
front were two birds np|utrently flying
before the chariot. This beautiful orna
ment was made almost entirely of gold
nml was elaborately decorated with pre
Clouu stones.—St. Louis Republic.
Thrro nre certain explosives of high
power which, when heated, burn quietly
if freely exposed, or if confined explode
only nt tho spot where heat is applied
without tho whole mass taking part in
the explosion, Nltroglyeerol. dynamite,
pun cotton, picric acid and tho new
German military powder are examples.
This is sold to be because they nro had
conductors of their own explosive wave.
If, however, tho same substances are
subjected to a violent shock by the ex
plosion in their midst of Initial charges
cf mercury fulminate, tho shock seems
to affect oil Hie molecules of the explo
sive nt once, and the whole moss of the
latter explodes with enormous violence.
—Kew York Bun.
The Pearl Oyster.
Very few people ore aware that the
pearl oyster is not in any way lik» the
oysters which we cut. it is of an entire
ly different species, and as n matter of
fact tho shells of tho so called jieurl oys
ters lire of for more value to thus« en
gaged In pearl fishing than the pearls.
There are extensive pearl fisheries in the
gulf of California, and tome of the finest
pearl» have been taken from those wa
ters. In 1881 ono js-arl—a black one—
was sold for $t0,U00, and every your
«inco that time many pearls have been
taken from tho beds in tho California
gulf valued at over |7,500 each.—Chica
She l.ov.d Him.
Single Mau (to himself)—I
that darling little angel loves me. She
takc-i mo into her confidence and tells
(uo all her troubles.
Santo Man (some years later)— Cou
sant It nil! From morning till uight,
and night till morning, when I'm home,
I hair nothing hot tale* about the ecrv
nnt*. the butcher, the butler, the bakur,
tho candlestick maker and all tho rest
of 'vtu,—New York Weekly.
Nut tu II« Cuinilil«rttl.
Mrs. Chngwuter (after on ntuisnally
spirited engagement)—Josiah, if we can't
gel along in peace, we'd better se; arate.
Mr. Chngwuter (shaking his head
mournfully)—It wouldn't help matters
any, Samantha. I can tell you right
now you'd never get another man that
would endure your cooking as meekly as
1 do."-Chicngo Tribune.
Roots of all trees draw large quanti
ties of moisture from tho soil, which is
discharged into the air through the
leaves, it is estimated that an oak tree
with 700,COO leaves would give off some
thing like 700 ton» of water during the
five months it carries its foliage.
In British India the numlierof persons
adhering to the sects of the ancient
Brahmanio religious belief is estimated
at 211,010.000. There are 7.000,000 Budd
hists. 00,000 Parsees. 57,000,000 Moham
medans and 0,000,000 of the ancient
gans or nature worshipers.
There was recently given in Denmark
a concert that may be regarded as abso
lutely unique as regards the iustrameuts
used. The instruments included two
horns from the brome age, which are
believed to bo nt least 2,500 years old.
The drinking of saltwater is said to
es the patient very miserable for a
few minute* after be takes the cure
bo a perfect euro for
THE OLD RED SLEIGH.
I* 11 own the
With It* rod» an» I vnruiah iiiiffet.
With it* bell* that gayly Jingle
And iu furry robe* of white.
Of the latent at y le and IlnUb
Fit to bold a royal goret;
Hi ill, it fvinn to in y poor vtlhdom
That th* old red alelgh U brat.
When a boy. 1 well remember.
Fattier piled u* children on
For a rid* down to the village
Mary, Kate, myeei/ and John.
How the winter w ind* c-ame
'Hound un from the treele*« weal!
But 'two* warm there all together.
For the old red «leigh i* beet.
When I wo* a youth of twenty,
Hrolber John won quite a lad;
How we gathered in the neighbor«.
And what gioriou* times we bad!
Never wa* there one too many.
Hut It always atood the teat.
Though it overflowed with young fedfcat
Yea, that old red sleigh t* best.
Then I married, and yoar mother
Kode beside me all the way.
Aa we went for merry dinner*
Many a glad»ome holiday.
Ami her little snowy Angers,
In my great, strong hand careaeed,
Heem*«l to always mutely tell me
That the old red sleigh was best.
And again, that long, sad win 1er.
Just before nhc went from
To her home among the angels.
We were riding out. w o three.
And I «tin to see her sitting
With you there upon her brcaal*
in my bran 1 hold the picture;
And the old red sleigh la beat.
—Lucius Mitchell In New York ledger
AT MRS. VAN TROMP'S.
The Van Tromp mansion was brilliant
Carriage after carriage rolled up to
the awning that roofed the crossing from
the curbstone to the marble steps of the
stalely old building, and crowds uf cari
ous idlers defied the drizzling rain to
catch a fleeting glimpse of the guests as
they hnrried shiveringly into the house.
It goes without saying that a gather
ing where Carrolls and Cadwalladers
were to dance with Winthrops. Living
stons and Biddles would be a thor
oughly "swell" and exclusive affair.
Old Hen stood guard at the entrance
He had cradled the grandfather of the
present master of the house and knew
the social creme de la creme, not only
from long association in the capacity of
butter uf the Van Trumps, but by in
Ben was making his profuiuidest obei
sance to u wrinkled old dowager, who, us
a little girl, bad listened to his fables,
when a faultlessly appointed equipage
drove up to the curb with clanking
The liveried servant vaulted from the
coach box and opened the carriage door
with a bow of the moet approved form.
A very pretty blond head, a hand
some, rosy face, a matchless bust, and
the balance of an elegantly attired fig
ure, not to forget the tiniest tiptoes of a
satin slippered pair of feet, emerged.
Her bearing was aristocratic, yet not
hangbty, tier dress in admirable taste
and the diamonds of that thoroughly
proper size, color and arrangement char
acteristic of old family jewels.
Altogether she made an appearance
that charmed and delighted the onlook
ers, Including old Ben.
* However, despite years of proximity
to well bred people, the colored cerberus
could not repress the low exclamation.
•Fo' do Ian sake," when he failed to see
any one else leave the carriage after her.
The doors were opened and the way to
the cloakroom was shown to the new
Her wraps being disposed of she as
cended the live or six steps that led to
the reception room.
Mrs. Van Tromp had not qui te finished
her effusive greeting of the great grand
daughter of a colonial governor when
she saw the young lady. How was it
that sbs did not know the handsome
She vainly strove to recollect the name
while extending her hands to the new
comer. who tremblingly placed her own
therein, saying, with a faltering voice;
•Mr». De Ryder sends through me her
most sincere regrets at her inability to
enjoy your hospitality tonight."
•Oh. 1 am very, very sorry she could
not coino, but of course 1 am mare than
delighted to entertain here-harming rep
reaeiitatjve," eagerly reapunded the
hostess, os she thought of the dowager
lady of the Baltimore De Ryders.
Once within the hallowed abode of ex
clusiveness the young lady withdrew to
a comparatively dark corner and
»eyed the kings and queens of society
sad their surroundings with an odd
mingling of wonderment, awe and curi
osity. and with the critical eye of
bent upon impressing even tbe smallest
details upon tbe memory.
"Rett satin hangings, embroidered
with the Van Tromp coat of arms in
gold and silver, festoons of maréchal
niel roses entwined with maidenhair
ferns and studded with incandescent
lights in colored globes." she murmured
"Furniture in white ami silver"—
Jost then the band began to play, and
she continued, "music by about twelve
string instrumenta, and oh. how deli
cious!" she added, as she half
•cionsly tupped the time of the tuna with
"1 have come for my waltx. Miss Van
dercook," said a gentleman to a young
lady who had been sitting beside her.
and the two walked away and wore
soon lost among the dancers.
, ■'Vandercook, Miss Vandercook," whis
pered the carious young woman,
must remember that name," and she told
off the letters on her fingers. She did
the same with every name she heard
"Do yon not dance at all?" she sud
denly heard herself asked, and turning
toward the speaker she recognized the
host Ere she had timo to reply, be
added. "But 1 bog your pardon for ono !
moment," as he started to walk toward
a group of yonng mon who were chat
tag In a window alcove; |
Presently be returned with a »all.
M e a d geo titra n. wham he Introduced
a* "My friend and old college chum,
Mr. Jack Rush," and turning to the
athletic young man he said. "A friend
uf the De Ryders."
Five minutes later the new acquaint
ances were doing full justice to the salta
torial Inspiration created by Strauss'
After the dance they sat down togeth
er and talked. Her evident aversion to
ward discussing conventional society
topics amused him, and the naive and
sensible way in which she expressed her
Views on other subjects pleased him im
And she was equally delighted with
»ho frank, manly ways of Mr. Rush,
which contrasted very agreeably with
the popular idea that never conceives the
combination of brains and society
They hud already danced two waltzes,
a mazourka. a contradance and a New
port together, and as the midnight hour
approached Mr. Van Tromp's friend
heard himself slyly twitted by his
quaintances whenever an opportunity
In fact, not only the sharp nosed and
sharp eyed duennas, but even his male
as a rule, are always
the last to perceive that something "is
up," noticed that ho had only once left
the side of the handsome young lady
since their introduction, and then he had
only gone to get her some sherbet during
an interval between two numbers of the
They were dancing a schottische and
os Mr. Rush looked proudly down upon
his partner he noticed the glow of pleas
ure and excitement upon her pretty
cheeks and the glitter of happiness in
her large gray eyes, and he admitted to
himself that be had never seen so thor
oughly ravishing u face.
Suddenly she stopped in the midst of
The Hush left her face and gave way
to an expression of alarm.
The somber sound of a nearby church
tower clock rose above the gay music in
twelve slowly vibrating strokes.
"Are you ill/" asked Mr. Kush solici
tously. after having brought his nearly
fainting partner to a seat. "Let me
bring you some water."
"No—no thank you," she whispered;
"do not trouble yourself; 1 was only
frightened about ite being so late'. Some
how 1 forgot all about"— She did not
finish her sentence, but arose abruptly
and turned in the direction of the stair
"Permit me at least to have your car
riage brought and let mo get your
wraps," and he started to execute his
She stopped him with a gesture and
said: "You are really very, very thought
ful. but 1 think, that is—1 will have to
— er —it will do me good to walk." and
she blushed and looked confused.
Jack Rush gazed at her in utter amaze
ment: the idea of a young lady of asocial
standing that admitted her to the ultra
exclusive Van Trompball, walking home
after midnight, and alone, was beyond
However he was too well bred to show
surprise and so he simply said, "Then 1
piust insist upon your permitting me at
least to see you safely home."
With that he offered her bis arm and
brought her into the entrance hall, where
he waited for her return from the cloak
There wore four distinctly new wrin
kles of surprise iu old Ron's forehead
when he saw the two pass out of the
hall and actually walk, think of it,
w a-l-k, up street.
It had stopped raining and the clear
cold night air had covered the pave
ments with an icy coating.
They walked very close to each other,
and Mr. Rush pressed the arm of his
companion quite hard in order to keep
her from slipping.
At a near corner they boarded a horse
What puzzsd ths young man was that
ever since they had loft the house the
lady hud met all his attempts at conver
sation with a monosyllabic reticence that
bespoke a preoccupied mind.
Presently she asked, "By the way,
who was the elderly lady in yellow bro
cade who had brought her two daugh
ters to the ball?"
"Do you mean Mrs. Vandercook, of
"Yes, that is the name; dear me, 1
think 1 have really forgotten nearly all
the names," she sighed. "What shall 1
do? What shall 1 do?"
face which echoed her own anxiety, and !
then turning her eyes toward the floor
of the car she said hesitatingly, "I would
be ever so much pleased to have yon get
me the names of all the people who wer«
at tbO"baU: but mind you every one of
^ em -
"la that all yon wanted?'' he asked, !
and when she nodded assent ho broke
into a loud laugh, in which somehow or
other she had to join. There was such
an honest ring to it. |
"Why, my dear young lady, t assure
yon that tomorrow morning's papers
will print a full list of the names to
gether with a description of the entire
affair, not to forget the dresses worn by
He looked more puzzled than ever,
but as he saw tbe evident distress uf the
young lady he inquired with a tender,
sympathetic touch in his voice, "Why
don't you tell mo what is troubling you:
perhaps 1 might bo of service to you?'
For a moment she gazed into his frank
ceodingly careful not to let the newsy*
per» know anything about their enter
"Oh, but not this one," rejoined bis
companion, "the Van Tramps are so ex
"Don't you worry; these newspaper
reporters manage to get in everywhere,
f 0 ' 1 knotv, though how they do it is
ofu ' n " mystery to me."
She only smiled feebly and motioned
to the driver to stop,
Mr. Hush left the car with her. After
»»'hing some fifty yards up a side street
•he halted before a dimly lit stairway.
There was a lot of yellow paper scat
tör ^* about, such as telegraphic dis
patches are written upon.
Despite an offhand effort on her part
to him his conge at the foot of the
«fairs by effusively thanking him for th»
kindly escort, be Insisted upon ascending
The adventure had become so compli
cated that he was bound to "see it out."
After having climbed three flights of
stairs the young lady stopped before a
door that bore the inscription, "City
Then she looked in a shamefaced
manner from Mr. Rush to the door and
from the door to Mr. Rush.
But he never said a word.
She turned the knob and entered. The
loom was tilled with the tobacco smoke
nt reporters who had just turned in their
(n the farther end of the room stood
the desk of the local editor of The Daily
He wheeled around on his chair as the
door opened, and seeing the young lady
he exclaimed: "Hello, there you are
Miss C. Did you get in all right? Oh,
yon did? Well, you haven't very much
time to get your story written, and he
smiled in a thoroughly pleased manner.
Then catching sight of the gentleman
he arose with alacrity and extended his
band with a "How do you do, Jack;
glad to see you: come and sit down a
minute. 1 will talk to you us soon os 1
have sent this copy up stairs. Take a
paper. Haven't seen you since college
time," and turning to his desk he con
tinued to make broad marks with a blue
pencil across the reporters' copy.
Mr. Rush was bewildered. What did
it» all mean? Was the delicious young
creature who sat there in gorgeous
finery at an ink stained desk, writing
away for dear life, really the same
young lady whom he had met in the ex
clusive society of the Van Trotups?
While waiting for the time when the
city editor would give him the key to
the puzzle lie made a list uf the guests
who had been at the ball, for which the
young lady rewarded him with a gra
cious though a trifle shamefaced smile.
"You see, my dear boy," at last said
the editor in a half whisper, "we worked
it beautifully. We had to get something
about the Van Tromp affair, but even
out keenest reporters were balked in any
attempt to secure particulars before
hand. There was still less likelihood of
our getting the news at the ball itself
unless we employed desperate means.
"Miss C. has been writing some stories
for us occasionally, and of course she
objected very strenuously at first to ap
pear under false colors until the manag
ing editor promised her a regular ap
pointment on the paper, which she needs
badly enough, poor girl. She is taking
care of a crippled brother and of her
mother also. They had once been in
better circumstances. But that is neither
here nor there. Isn't it beautiful! Hired
dress, diamonds, carriage, everything
How grandly we will scoop our esteemed
contemporaries?" and he laughed bois
Mr. Rnsh joined in the laugh.
About four months later the young
lady reporter was playing with a spar
kling diamond ring that shone on her
hand. Mr. Rnsh sat by her side and
nobody was near to interrupt their little
Mr. Rush was very thoughtful.
"What is ailing you. Jack—Mr. Rush?"
came from her.
She had to rej>eat the question after a
wait of a minute or so.
"1 will ask you just one question," ha
replied, "if you promise not to take it
Of course the promise was given.
"How is it that you posed as a friend
of the De Ryders when you came to the
Van Tromp ball?"
The young lady burst into a rippling
"You dear old goose," she said at last,
when she succeeded in suppressing her
mirth, "there is a nice old woman going
the rounds of the newspaper offices at
night. She sells apples, tigs, candy—
anything you want. Her name is Mrs. De
Ryder, and she never dreamed that any
one else bore that name but herself.
You would not blame me for the little
stratagem of using her name, especially
as it was perfectly true that she *8111
cerely regretted her Inability to enjoy
the hospitality of Mrs. Van Tramp,'
would you?"—Max De Lipman in Epoch.
A Itemarkable Coincidence.
Some time ago a lady in London
wished to write to a friend in America
whose address she did not know. The
only means she had of procuring the ad
dress was to write to a mutual friend,
who also lived in America. This she
accordingly did, and the letter was duly
dispatched. The ship which carried the
letter was wrecked and the mails were for
a time lost. They were eventually recov
ered and brought back to England, the
letters, now much damaged by sea
water, being returned through the dead
i etter office to the senders. The letter
j n question was sent back to the lady,
who naturally examined it minutely,
To her surprise she found that another
letter had become closely stuck to it.
Holding up the twofold missive to the
light, she deciphered the address on the
one which was stuck to her own. It
was a letter addressed to the friend to
whom she had wished to write, and to
discover whose whereabouts her own
letter had lieen dispatched. Her letter
thus literally brought back its own an
iwrr.—Leeds (Eng.) Mercury.
An Autlcipatcd 11..sure.
A congressman of Mississippi after
making a speech in opposition to the ex
pensive funerals of congressmen, says
^e received a letter from a constituent
giving: "When you die, John, we won't
ask congress to (m> the ex]>cuse of your
You've got enough friends
down here, John, to give you a respect
able burial, and we would take pleasure
in doing it.''—Charleston News and
Kia» An Handled Several Tim«,
Eggs are gathered by hucksters, who
tn turn sell them to what the dealers re
f er to as the shippers, by whom they are
gent to New York. After the eggs got
here they are again handled by the corn
mission merchants, and finally they reach
the grocer, who disposes of them to the
consumera. —Nsw York Evening Sun.
A SONG OF LOVE.
Ü, love, love, love!
Sweeter thon Mile* the dew has wet.
Or the ki*» of car; b'» greatest king;
Sweet in life, w hen living I» bliss,
eetcr than th'sl
cei a thing!
But love— O. lovo Is
Ü, love, love, lovo!
strong a thing!
Stronger than passions
Or fortune's crudest sting:
Strong Is death, when perish the brave.
But love—O, love conquer* death and the
—Emma O. Dowd in Springfield Homestead.
wind or flame.
SETTING ALONG WITH ONE SERVANT
Was Able to Enter
a Wash Day.
low One \V»i
taiu Some Friend*
Two friend* were attempting to arrange
s day at which some mutual acquaint
ances, staying in the city for a short time,
could be invited to the home of one or the
other for luncheon. There were difficulties
owing I» many other engagements. The
only possible day was the next Monday,
but Mrs. Crane, who kept two or three
servants, said she never dared ask com
pany to her house Monday. If she should
tell her cook she wanted something extra
for the midday meal there would be such
black looks and grumbling that she would
be glad to leave the kitchen.
"That settles it," said Mrs. Jones at
"Come to my house."
Of course there were remonstrances, as
Mrs. Crane knew her friend kept but one
girl, and could not imagine how she could
even think of such a thing. There seemed
to be no other alternative, however, so
they separated after a few more words
about the hour.
When the time arrived and Mrs. Crane
had rung her friend's doorbell, a neat
looking girl in thecleanestof white aprons
admitted her She was shown at once to
an up stairs sitting room, where Mrs.
calm Mid unruffled as if
there were no such things
and washing days. She was with Mrs.
Clayton, who had already arrived.
The luncheon was just splendid, not
elaborate, but consisting of several fixed
up dishes, which lake time, including
some very delicate hot muffins and oyster
patties. The one girl waited on the table,
as if she never did any other kind of work.
Mrs. Crane refrained from making remarks
just as long as she possibly could, when
she leaned back in her chair with the
questions: "How do you contrive. Mary, to
do so much witli only one girl? Do you
put out your washing?"
Mary laughed at her friend's Intensity,
then began: "Our clothes are washed,
dried and sprinkled, all ready for ironing.
In fact, 1 shouldn't be at all surprised if.
after the lunch dishes are washed, Ellen
ironed the handkerchiefs and napkins.
My domestic and myself are in perfect
harmony, almost as if we were sisters.
We like each other, the result is we work
together. You've no idea how much
housework can be thrown off when two in
telligent, well women set about making a
success of whatever they have planned. I
explained to Ellen the circumstances and
she entered heartily into all the arrange
ments. Of course I am very fortunate in
having such a girl, but I do think that too
many domestics make work."
All were interested by this time to know
where she obtained such intelligent help,
how-much she paid her and many other
questions. It soon became evident that
the washings at tbe Jones' bouse were very
small, due to many contrivances of its kind
hearted mistress, who wore few frills and
flounces. "Then," as she said to Mrs.
Crane, "you would not have been satisfied
with this old fashioned way of having sal
ads, muffins, croquettes and cold meats all
placed on the table at once, changing plates
only for the desert. This makes it easy for
one girl to wait on the table. My simple
notions of hospitality are due doubtless to
my long residence In England, where even
the wealthy are satisfied with far less for
company fare than our middle class Amer
It is the old story of the bard worked
American country woman, who thinks she
must have six kinds of cake for tea the
night the minister is so unfortunate as to
he present, and it is just this mistaken idea
of hospitality, together with the work it
entails, including a vulgar love of display,
which makes housekeeping such «difficult
Girl* Should Lexrn to Talk.
Oh. girls, learn to talkl 1 have been
among girls a great deal, tn fact was once
a girl myself, and the folly of talking idle
nonsense seems so plain to me that 1 would
like to make my girl friends see it too. I
have known so many girls, bright girls,
who were hiding their talents behind emp
ty chatter and "joking" with tbeir young
gentlemen friends, making such foolish
torts and pointless little speeches, that 1
have wished they could see themselves
others see them.
Be well read, If that means acquainting
one's self as much as possible with the best
that la in this wide awake literary world,
books, magazines and clean newspapers.
Head them critically Be original and
fight bravely for your opinions, but If your
good sense detects their unstability retire
gracefully into the background.
Make yourself well informed in all the
happenings ami writings and dealings of
this lively Nineteenth century.
Now, girls, don't you see, I Just mean
this: Have your ammunition stored
ready, but don't burn your precious pow'
ier until you can hit the mark.—Annie H
Donnell in American Agriculturist.
Hot Waler Hug*.
The efficacy of hot water in inflamma
tory conditions can hardly be overrated.
To a limited extent its value has long been
known. Our mothers and grandmothers
made use of the wollen cloths dipped iu
hot water in some forms of inflammation.
At present the worth of this remedy in al
most all forms of pain is generally recog
nized by the medical profession.
Hot cloths, however, are not convenient
of application In many cases. They are
apt to wet tbe clothing and they soon cool
and require repeated dipping. The rubber
bag is in every respect superior. Once
brought to the proper temperature, the
heat is long retained; It is neat and in
every way easy of application.
Every family iu the country, as well as
in tho city, should have at least
for any emergency.—Youth's Companion.
Notwithstanding all our boasting and
the truly remarkable progress which
American schools have mode within the
past few years, it is evident that
terns of education are yet scarcely beyond
the formative and experimental
And in no respect Is this
than in tho current multifarious ideas con
cerning tbe education of girls. What are
tbe conditions and possibilities of the ideal
school for girls, and whether, all things
considered, tho private school is generally
to be preferred to the publie, are problems
which are to be solved only after easeful
and judicious consideration.— Harper's.
THE BEST MAN.
Rliowlnj That HU Lot T» \ ot
There was a wedding yesterday!
Was there? Gracious, I trust thl« u n
the bridegroom! ' not
Oh, no! The bridegroom and thehrld.
have left for parts unknown. Tblae..„fi
the best man.
He seems somewhat broken up. j 8 u
young man of intemperate habita? * a
No; bis habits are not bad. Ue is simnl
a victim of matrimony. pIy
I daresay he had aspired himself
lady's hand and has been drowning
No. That is not It either. There
•ne or two e.x-nsptrers among the ™
but the best man was simply « fnl.i.c !
friend of the groom.
His fidelity seems to have brought him
in for some onerous obligations, m
It is true. His responsibilities and the
anxieties of his position have aged hi
Is it indeed so serious a job to be
Indeed it is.
Why, what is there to do?
For 24 hours before the wedding the best
man is the responsi hie owner of the groom
lie tacitly undertakes to produce the
groom at thecburch, cleanshaven, suitably
attired and iu his right mind, or else to
lake his place. If the groom shows syrno
toms of running away, he must shackle
him. Some best men invariably handcuff
themselves to their grooms on the morning
of the day before the wedding as a reason
able precaution against accidents, for when
a best man's confidence has been abused
once or twice it makes him cautious
At the convivial exercise of the day be
fore the wedding several score of the
groom's more intimate friends always in
sist on taking drinks with him. The cu
mulative effect of so much sympathetic
btirfiuliiut is liable to make trouble, so the
best man does not permit the '
. , , . , Rroom to
overindulge his feelings. The usual way Is
for the best man touctasthegroom'sproxy
in this matter, so that the night before the
wedding is full of trouble for him. Never
theless he must be up early the next morn
ing, must see that the bridesmaids have all
received their bouquets, that be lias tha
minister's money In tbe right pocket, that
he has a wedding ring in each of his pock
ets, that tbe carriage orders are under
stood, that the groom has made adequato
provision for bis wedding journey and that
the ushers are presentable and can walk.
All this he must do without letting ths
groom leave his sight. When the wedding
is over and he lias consigned his charge lo
the care of the bride, be takes tbe groom's
place as host and sees in particular that the
groom's friends from out of town are suita
bly entertained and shipped bornent con
venient intervals on their proper trains.
Only when the last of them is gone cun he
call his man and go home to bed.
Is a man ever best man more than once?
Some very popular men have been best
man us often as a dozen times, but usually
one or two experiences are enough to con
vince the experimenter that matrimony It
self is u less trying ordeal.—Life.
A Matter of Doubt.
Riding along the Clover fork of thoCutn
berlaud one day, I overtook a mountaineer,
and we jogged along together. We talked
of timber, crops and politics, and finally
got down to personalities.
"Have you always lived here?" I asked.
"No," he replied; "I come from Perr
"How long have you lived here?"
"Five y'er, goin on six."
"Married, 1 presume?"
"Yes, but 1 wuzn't when I fust come. I
worked by the day for the Widder Stevens
and boarded with her. That's all the home
I had. It's that farm with tho two story
house onto it you passed about four mile
"It's a very nice place, I noticed "
"Fust rate. I run it. I married the wid
"Oh!" I said in surprise.
" Yes, me and her hitched inside of a ys'r."
"That's a good deal cheaper than the old
way, isn't it?"
"Well," he said doubtfully, "I ain't shore.
In course the property's worth sumptbin,
but countin iu the widder fer a man uvmy
peaceable dispessition, it ain't sitch dcru
cheap livin ez you might s'pose it wuz."—
Detroit Free Press.
A Natural Krror,
He was standing in front of the train
waving a red lantern. Tho shadows fell
across the upper portion of his face, partly
covered by an old slouch bat. Tbe engineer
reversed with a jerk and the train stopped.
"Make sure of your aim.menl Don't let
one of them escapel" howled thochief of the
14 detectives as they surrounded him.
"Hands upl Move a muscle and yerdeadl
We've got ye dead to rights! We've been
laying for you"
"Boys," said tho Missouri farmer, "have
ye robbed and captured tho train"
"Watch him, menl I know him by the
photo I got in Chicago. He's an uncle of
"What's the matter with you fellers?"
"Why did you stop this train, you vil
"Nuthin, only thar's a bridge washed ou»
down to Turkey Bend, and"
But the rest of the conversation was ad
dressed to the j ug.—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Telltale Look.
"How did you get on?"
asked on the
I met with fair success. I played
Hamlet for the first time, you know. It
went all right, except that I stumbled and
fell into Ophelia's grave."
"That must have been awfully embar
"So it was, but I would not have minded
It if tho audiouce bad not looked so tired
when I got out."—New York Herald.
Getting Out of It.
Lady—There were chickens in those eggs
you sold me yesterday. Are you going to
make me pay for them?
"No, ma'am. As you didn't order spring
chickens, we'H just charge 'em to you a4
U . >
' ■ 'A .
Raphael—Susanna, gazo on yonder deep
declivity. Me fadder committed sulch-e
dere t'ree years before I was born, H
you do not forsake decount and proud 8 ® ' J
be mine, I willt'row meself downdeorticeP
rocks and end dis vere empty existence- —
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