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The Idaho recorder. [volume] (Salmon City, Idaho) 1886-1927, December 29, 1922, Image 7

Image and text provided by Idaho State Historical Society

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn86091188/1922-12-29/ed-1/seq-7/

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<Sy ........'•'*£ 2
imilll!llllll»*» l, l , 1 ,,,| l ,,,,,rs
1522. by th» Macmillan Co.
j;L MunniSON had three
a ]s, so the town naturally
,1 him "Alphabetical" Mor
dropped the "Colonel." He
part of the country In an
lt, e list'd to explain thnt
t him In the trees, when
Inking creek water, eating
1 and running wild with a
fur a "trolley, and that the
they did, after teaching
out of a plate, was to set
•k in the grading gang that
, ou t the Cottonwood and
hers and putting the lime
he hills. He was one of the
,, e patriots who laid out the
railroad from the Missis
h* Pacific, and was appoint
ant committee to take the
> New York for the inspec
apltallst«. nnd be It said to
it of Alphabetical Morrison
was the only person In the
th money enough to pay the
when he reached the Mis
er, though he had only
o get himself across. But in
that the road was built, and
missed our town, it was be
e didn't vote the bonds.
Id Alphabetical went through
ty. roaring in the school
bellowing at the crossroads,
g all that a good, honest pair
could do for the cause. How
was not dismayed at his fail
began Immediately to organ
mpany to build another road.
II v secured a railroad, though
only a branch.
his office door he had a sign
d Office"—painted on the false
front of the building in letters
as a cow, and the first onr
per knew of him was twenty
ago, when he brought In an
for some stationery for the
roial club. At that time we
t heard that the town support
'ommerclal club—nor had any
e heard of It, for that matter—
d Alphabetical was the presl
nnd his bookkeeper, with the
iropped off her name, was sec
But he had a wonderfully
g letterhead printed, and
] to get results, for he made a
while his competitors starved,
when he found time, he organ
real Commercial club, and had
If elected president of it. He
to call meetings of the club to
is things, hut as no one cared
for his monologues on the fu
of the town, the attendance was
light. He issued circulars re
g to our village as "the Queen
,of the Prairies," and on the eir
,s was a map, showing that the
;n City of the Prairies was "the
Wd axis of the West." There
one road running Into the town;
jothers old Alphabetical indicated
dotted lines, and explained they
In process of construction,
became possessed of a theory
a canning factory would pay In
Queen Oct y of the Prairies, and
'first step lie took toward building
as to invest in a high hat, a long
and white vest, and a pair of
H se-co|ored trousers. With these
his theory he went East and re
el with a contract. The canning
ory went up, hut the railroad rates
wrong, and the factory was
p opened. Alphabetical blinked
through his gold-rimmed glasses
a few weeks, and then organized
impnnv to turn it into a woolen
lie elected himself president of
t company and used to bring
tln| l to our paper notices of direc
*' meetings, and while he was in
office he would insist thnt we de
ed too much space to Idle gossip
d not enough to the commercial
|d Industrial Interests of the pueen
i-'t tinips he would bring In an edl
r'sl thnt he had written himself,
hly excitable and full of cyclonic
ïuc jp, und if we printed It Alpha
■ic-d would buy a hundred cordes
the paper containing It nnd send
east. His office desk gradually
ed with woodcuts nnd zinc etchings
hir'dlngs that never existed save
hl« 'par old head, and about twice
^Tear during the hoom days he would
them around and have a circu
' nted on which were the plc
showir.g the Imaginary public
s nnd theoretical business
-•h fa res of the Queen City,
woolen mill naturally didn't
d he persuaded some eastern
to Install an electric plant
building and put a street-car 1
the town, though the longest
ii re from one side of the place
• ie other was less« than ten blocks.
Alplinber.rai was enthusiastic
it. and had the governor come
Î ," fo <1rivp th P first spike. It was
-plated, and Alphabetical pulled It
usp,i f°r a paper-weight In
.°X* for m »nv rears, and It Is
he on,v reminder there Is In
-d rH- e V™'' raU ' r »J-' «crept a
i n ° f *' nrth °ver tbe tie« '
middle of Main
*ooe twitted him
the street rallw
■ in" 0 "' irS f here I go
ml,,' , e earth - m '»k'ng ont the
• i. capita! of the effete East, and
a i V P t,liS town — an d what hap
, ' , 0U r ,h mjsand old Silurian fos
" ,lh , ,h * mos » on the north side
m wl,!l "hase! shell, and turn
street. When
>n the failure
a .v he made answer:
over and yawp that old Alphabetical
la vlaionary. Here I can get a can
ning factory and nobody eats the
goods; I hustle np a woolen factory,
and the community quits wearing
trousers; I build for them a street
car line to haul them to and from
their palatial residences, and what
do the sun-baked humnn mud-turtles
do but all Jump off the log Into the
water and hide from them cars like
they were chariots of fire? What this
town needs is not factories, nor rail
roads. nor modern Improvements—Old
Alphabetical can get them—bur the
next great scheme I go Into is to go
down the' river, get some good red
mud, and make a few thousand men
who will build np a town."
It has been fifteen years and over
since Colonel Morrison put on his long
coat and high hat and started for the
money markets of the East, seeking
whom he might devour. At the close
of the eighties the Colonel and all his
tribe found that the stock of eastern
capitalists who were ready to pay
good prices for the fine shimmering
blue sky and bracing ozone of the
West was running low. It was said
in town that the Colonel had come to
the end of his string, for not only
were the doors of capital closed to
him In the East, but newcomers had
stopped looking for farms at home.
There was nothing to do but to alt
down and swap jack-knives with other
land agents, and as they had taken
most of the agencies for the best in
surance companies while the Colonel
was on dress parade, there was noth
ing left for him to do but to run for
Justice of the peace, and, being elect
ed, do what he could to make bis
tenure for life.
Though he was elected, more out
of gratitude for what he had tried to
do for the town than because people
thought he would make a fair Judge,
he got no further than his office In
popular esteem. He did not seem to
wear well with the people In the dally
run and Jostle of life. During the
forty years he has been In our town,
he has lived most of the time apart
from the people—transacting his busi
ness in the East, or locating strangers
on new lands. He has not been one
of us, and there were stories afloat
that his shrewdness had sometimes
caused him to thrust a toe over the
dead-line of exact honesty. In the
town he never helped us to fight tor
•He Likes to Sit In the Old Swayback Swivel Chair and Tell Us Hla
Theory of the Increase In the Rainfall."
those things of which the town is
really proud: our schools, the college,
the municipal ownership of electric
lights and waterworks, the public
library, the abolition of the saloon,
and all of the dozen small matters of
public Interest in which good citizens
take a pride. Colonel Morrison was
living his grand life, in his tailor
made clothes, while his townsmen
were out with their coats off making
our town the substantial place it is.
So in his latter days he is old Alpha
betical Morrison, a man apart from us.
We like him well enough, nnd so long
as he cares to he Justice of the peace
no one will object, for that is his due.
But, someway, there is no talk of
making him county clerk; and there
is a reason in everybody's mind why
no party names him to run for county
treasurer. He has been trying hard
enough for ten years to break through
the crust of the common Interests
that he has so long Ignored. One sees
him at public meetings—a rather wist
ful-looklng. chubby-faced old man—
the edge of the crowd, ready to
1 fie called out for a speech. But
one calls his name ; no one cares par
ticularly what old Alphabetical ha
say. Long ago he said all that
can say to our oeople.
The only thing that Alphabetical
ever organized that paid was a fam
ily. In the early days he managed to
"et a home clear of indebtedness and
get a nome « .
w as shrewd enough to keep it out of
all of his transactions. Tow-headed
Morrisons filled the schoolhouse. ami
twentv vears later there were so
many'of his girls leaching
the school board had to make in II P
limiting the number of teachers from
onefamHy *» th* cllj ^
to force the youn^ Mor .
&rr ÄrJ x
si rrrrvv. ss ss
keeps his office going lu the little
square board building tt the end of
the street. But eygry day for the past
ten years he has been coming to our
office for hla bundle of old newspa
pers. These he reads carefully, and
sometimes what he reads Inspires him
to write something for our paper on
the future of the Queen City though
much offener his articles are retro
spective. He Is the president of the
Old Settlers' society, and once or
twice a year he brings In an obituary
which he has written for the family of
some old-timer.
One would think that an idler wonld
he a nuisance in a busy place, hut. on
the contrary, we all like old Alpha
lieticnl around our office. For he is
an old man who has not grown sour.
His smooth, fat face has not been
wrinkled by the vinegar of failure,
nnd the noise that came from his
lusty lungs In the old days Is subsid
ing. But he has never forgiven Gen
eral Durham, of the Statesman, for
saying of n fight between Alphabetical
and another lnnd agent back la the
sixties that "those who heard it pr«v
nounced It the most vocal engagement
they had ever known." That Is why
he brings his obituaries to us ; that
is why he does us the honor of bor
rowing papers from us ; and that is
why, on a dull afternoon, he likes to
sit In the old sway-back swivel-chair
and tell us his theory of the increase
in the rainfall, his notion about the
Influence of trees upon the hot winds,
his opinion of the disappearance of
the grasshoppers. Also, that Is why
we always save a circus ticket for old
Alphabetical, Just as we save one for
each of the boys in the office.
One day he came Into the office in
a bad humor. He picked up a country
paper, glanced it over, threw It down,
kicked from under his feet a dog that
had followed a subscriber into the
room, nnd slammed his hat into the
waste-basket with considerable feel
ing as he picked up a New York
"Well—well, whnt's the matter with
the Judiciary this morning?" someone
asked the old man.
He did not reply at once, hut
turned his paper over and over, appar
ently looking for aomething to Inter
est him. Gradually the revolutions of
his paper became slower and slower,
and finally he stopped turning the
paper and began reading. It was ter
or fifteen minutes before he spoke.
When he put down the paper his
cherubic face was beaming, and he
said :
"Oh—I know I'm a fool, but I wish
the Lord hud sent tne to live in a
town large enough so that every dirty
faced brat on the street wouldn't feel
he had a right to call roe 'Alphabeti
cal'! Dammit, I've done the best I
could! I haven't made any alarming
success. 1 know It. There's no need
of rubbing It In on me." He was
silent for a time with his hands on
Ids knees and Ills head thrown hack,
looking at the celling. Almost lue
perceptibly a smile began to crack
bis features, and, when he turned tils
eyes to the man at the desk, they
wert« dancing with merriment, as he
said; "Just been reading a piece here
in the Sun about the Influence of
climate on human endeavor. It says
that in northern latitudes there is
more oxygen In the air and folks
breathe faster, and their blood flows
faster, and that keeps their liver go
Ing. Trouble with me has always
been climate—sluggish liver. If I had
Just a little more oxygen floating
! round In my system, the woolen mill
I would still be running, the street cars
would he going, and this town would
have had forty thousand Inhabitant».
My fatal mistake was «me of latitude.
! But"-and tie drawled out the word
niocklngly—"but I guess If the Lord
I ^ ^ maU , . t „w„ ; ,ere
had wanted
He would have given me a different
kind of liver!" lie slapped his knees
as he sighed ; "This is a funny world
| - w ,,f It the funnier
« oM mBn grinned com
for a minute
^fore getting out of b.s chair
kicked his shoe-heels together mer
. Vo= - —=*
; a ». — —- - **
old fashioned tune.
Cutlcura for Pimply Face»
To remove pimples and blackheads
smear them with Cutlcura Ointment
Wash off in five minutes with Cutl
cura Soap and hot yater. Once clear
keep your skin clear by using them for
daily toilet purposes. Don't fail to in
clude Cutlcura Talcum. Advertisement
His Quaintness.
"Something powerful queer about
Josh Juckett," said a resident of
Grudge. "He got hack day before yes
terday from a week's stay In Kansas
City. Last night me and him went to
the picture show und saw a Harold
Lloyd comedy. And, actuully, Josh
never said a word about how much
funnier it was when he saw it with the
original cast up to Kay See."—Kansas
City Star.
The housewife smiles with satisfac
tion as she looks at the basket of
clear, white clothes and thanks Bed
Cross Ball Blue. At all grocers.—Ad
Terrible Force of Habit.
As an illustration of the terrible
force of habit, there is the story of
the man who had been visiting at the
home of a millionaire. When he re
turned to ids boarding house he ab
sent-mindedly left his shoes outside
his door to be shined by the butler.
When he looked for the shoes the next
morning one of the other bourders hud
made away with them.
There is only one medicine that really
stands out pre-eminent aa a medicine for
curable ailment» of the kidneys, liver and
Dr. Kilmer's Swamp-Root stands the
highest for the reason that it has proven
to be just the remedy needed in thousands
upon thousands of distressing cases.
Swamp-Root makes friends quickly be
cause its mild and immediate effect ia
soon realized in most cates. It ia a gen
tle, healing vegetable compound.
Start treatment at once. Sold at all
drug stores in bottles of two sizes, medium
and large.
However, If you wish first to test this
great preparation send ten cents to Dr.
Kilmer A Co., Binghamton, N. Y., for a
aample bottle. When writing be sure and
mention thia paper.—Advertisement.
Dubious Compliment.
Wife—"Whenever I sing the dog
howls." Hub—"The instinct of imita
tion, my dear."
One may be as good as the next—
In a barber shop.
tet Content» 15 Fluid Draotn
, A^ctablcPrcparatiooferAs
1 s imitating B* Food
ItinélheSta^MtfgggL: Beal'S ttl 0
For Infants and Children.
Mothers Know That
Genuine Castoria
fl Thereby PromoUivéDiM^
lÄSSÄ 1 ?

S»Gnn»i* c ®**® OC '
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
• In
For Over
Thirty Years
10 Cents
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES—dy«» or tints as you wish
A Matter of Form.
George Cohan wan talking at the
l.amh» club about a very popular
songbird of revue.
"Is »he g«M a\Y' a poet asked.
"Weil," said Mr. Cohan, "I have
tenon n more assiduous church-goer»'*
"Oh. yon know what I mean. Is
»he good ? Has she gut ■ good
vole«?" persisted the poet.
"Her vok-e Is Insured." said Mr.
Cohan, "for Jl'.». Her figure la In
sured for $300,000."
Try On»
She—Do you like fish balls?
He— Don't believe I ever attended
Baanff wêêkêê^m
mnOreakThatCbldand. nn|
, Make Ybu Fit Te anotvu m:
w-H.Mitk.ccx, oaraorr.
Made With Raisins
—and already baked for you
S AVE the trouble and the
time of baking pies at
home, yet give your men
folks pics that are exactly to
their taste.
Master bakers and neigh
borhood bake shops in your
city are making luscious
raisin pie fresh every day.
Your grocer or these bake
shops can supply them.
Taste them and you'll
know why there's no longer
need to bake at home.
a delicious sauce! There's
nothing left to be desired in
a pie.
Made with finest seeded Sun
Maid Raisins.
1S60 calories of energizing nu
triment per pound in practically
? redigested form. Rich in food
ron, also —good food for the
Make cakes, puddinga and
other good foods with them.
You may he offered other
brands that you know less well
than Sun-Maids, but the kind
you want is the kind you know
is good. Insist, therefore, on
Sun-MaiJ brand. They cost no
more than ordinary raisin»
Mail coupon now for free book
of tested Sun-Maid recipe»
Crust that's light and
flaky —tender, thin-skinned,
juicy fruit, the juice forming
The Supreme Pie Raisin
Your retailer should sell you Sun
Maid Raisins for not more than the
following prices;
Seeded (in IS at. Hue pit .)—Me
Seedless (in IS n. red pif.) —IS«
Sssdsd or Seedless (11 ssj—ISa
Sun-Maid Raisin Growers,
Dept. N-5J7-1J, Fresno, California
Please send me copy of your ft«« book,
"Recipes with Raisins."
Blue Packa/t
Everywhere She Goes.
We have u little «'«»g that I» rather
fond of me. und follows me wherever
I g ».
It happened In church ns I was fit
ting at (he end of the pew. during a
sermon, that I noticed all eye» fixed
on me.
I looked and saw little Trlx wiggling
hla tail for all he wa» worth, glad to
bave found me.
As I c«>ti!d not chase him home, I
had to get up and walk out, feeling
the heat «hat made me blush a» Trlx
and I marched down the aisle.—Ex
Wireless Call Bell»
An officer of the Portuguese army
has developed a system of operating
call bells by wireless, which 'army
circles say will do away with prolonged
watching for «Us at radio receiving
The biggest tool la tbe man wbo
fools himself.
Kept Guessing.
"You ««'cm InicrcMt«*«! In fr«*« verse."
"No, I'm not. But I road half u col
umn of It before I discovered It wan
not going to rhyme."—Louiavilln
Mean Insinuation.
A bachelor say» a mule I« the moat
obstinate tiling on earth, but married
men know better.—Chicago Dully
Fur Tanning
on Beef, Florae, Colt
•nd Call Shuu. Make
up of Cusii. Rohe«,
Huri, Ve*»», Ladies'
Kur«, ScaitA, MuH« and
Cape*. T«M u* the km_
of futa. Ptotnpc answer
W. W. Waavw. Readmit. Mi
Thirty year» in tor b usine «a.
Motorists! Mechanics! Farmersl
I wrenches ln un« from tt to Tè»
8«nt prepaid to you for It.lfr.
A « **nI » Wanted.
loOM. •««!-. ■«<«• «il ««•«.
[R»m4svr«f»»iKtrtiff *tnfwll«fcirralltaa
R«itor«* Q j ir *ftd
B«a««y to Cray and Faded Heb
tue. e#u1 $> oo at l*rorvt»(c
r* » -n. Ben-t*y*>r.. y. t
■ WMj iaa rwna, Q»V>
urmrn to um
iS T
C»Ull"«u«l of Arujy T». t— -» Amj e tm >'
»ml S»»» Uoo4». r— « Arme U Hut u. —
R nt t Ilka. Ail trwri'lutmllM »(nlpp«« sor—l p*
Ail luon-tund.M ».id «nth u» r—r-Wjl «m
»Ate« Tht>u»»ml» of «-uswiavr».
isaa t aeKio a*«.
Make Men«/ »ui Mak» It («root I«'» >•**
r guaiaiileni book of to i«l >f,.ie »'Uuh
ltwh*"1 lacta allow » lo/w Ha >lolui uu-cktfk.
honrati*. aural y lü-lol 60 c«nla
r«l I in mart lately t!. P Oo., I.B»
Papa's Golf Stocking»
Father, brilliant in etrlped ft«
stocking», was off for a day with ttwa
family at the Van Courtland hnk» U*
was complacently self-oons<-ioua. Klgbv
}ear-old Ethel was fretful ai*d nerv
ou» Several j»«>ople In the subway
rar were smiling. Suddenly Ethel
pll>ed. "Mamma, can't I have some new
st«K'kin's like papa. I wanna l«*ok hk*
a zebra, t«*o."
Recipe Wante«L
Flint (looking at picture)—"I woks
der what made the tower ot l'iaa»
leant" Fatleigh—"if I knear I'd try
Keep Your Eyes
Clean — Clear •-« Hooltk^

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