The Blackfoot optimist. [volume], January 05, 1911, Image 5

About The Blackfoot optimist. [volume] (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1907-1918

Image provided by: Idaho State Historical Society

                
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54
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Immunity.
"Kitty Flirtleigh says she already
has become engaged to fifteen men."
"Yes. 1 knew her when she was a
child. She was vaccinated twenty
times, and it never took."
O, Happy Fate.
"O. happy death!" the lover sighed
The while the lovely girl he eyed.
"Oh, happy death, to kiss your hair
And taste the bleaching compound there.
To press your cheek, which like a rose
With artificial blushes glows,
To finish off with lengthened sips
Of the bright red upon your lips—
And. my blood with your beauty filled.
Be by your loveliness thus killed!"
TEE**
Has To.
They are discussing the new sum
mer boarder.
"Tea, he seems to be a decent sort
of a fellow," says the man with last
month's magazine and the carved
Ivory toothpick, "but he eats like s
horse."
The man 'who Is waiting for a remit
tance before settling last week's board
bill comments upon this charge thus:
"Of course, he does. He must Isn't
he one of these health food cranks?
I've seen him eat nothing but chopped
feed and whole wheat."
In Return.
"My dear," said Mrs. Wunder, "you
remember that the Jlgglnses gave our
little Henry a boy's tool chest i««t
Christmas. What shall we send them
as a m#hc of appreciation this year?"
"Send 'em a bill for the damage he
has done with the hammers and
saws."
A Call for Diplomacy.
"He sends ms his photo, and pro*
poses matrimony—and I don't want
him; but it la so nsw Christmas that
Ob, dear!
ÖMLÖÖÄ
vfey WILBUR D NLPBIT
THeiimi BOYS
NIGHTMARE
A
\
I had a «lawful dream las' niff ht; X
dreamt th* sehoolhouse bell
Como runnin' after me an' give a nawful
fiendish yell,
An* that it chased me through the town
an* out acrost th* crick.
An* then it stopped an' . yelled at me:
"You think you're might slick!
Hut I'll be cornin' after you another day
.'fore long.
An' when I do I think that you will sing
another song."
I drempt the sehoolhouse glared at me;
Its windows looked like eyes
An' that the big doors was a mouth of
most tremendus size,
An' that it rolled Us window eyes an'
gnashed its big door teeth
An' shook Its front-stair chin that swung
an' wabbled underneath
An' growled: "All right for you. my boy.
But you can't get away.
I'll have you back inside o' me first thing
you know some day."
An all the words in all the world jumped
out of all the books
An' come a-running* after me with most
bloodthirsty looks—
All of them had their letters wrong,
which made them look real queer
Th' big flve-syllabul ones, too, was scat
tered far an' near.
An* all of them kept chatterin' as long as
I's In sight:
'•You got to come back to th* school an*
learn to spell us right.*'
An' then a lot of 2-and-2's come from th*
sehoolhouse door
An' kept a-slngin' all th' time about how
they made 4,
An' Long Division hobbled up an' made a
face at me,
An' some one kept a-eryin': Can't you
find that G. C. D. ?''
Th' joggerphy Jumped up at me and
scared me half to death
By tellln' me to bound the lands an*
never stop for breath.
So I woke up nn* pinched myself to see If
I was here,
But all today I've gone around an' felt
extremely queer.
walked a-pnst th' sehoolhouse an* it
looked about th* same,
But something somewhere muttered, an*
I thought It called my name.
Aw, what's th' good o' havin' any old
vacation? Say!
It spoils it nil to know you've got to go
to school some day.