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Y ^ UNCLE JOHM
____ 1 "!? d to monrn .?, l>out ,l,<? ,rials of my ancestral pin nC îu S '~ I Ve cd a nul,lon two-quart vials with briny svm p athet ,c tears . . I've wept, because of tribulations throw»h which our early settlers went, when I would hear the moist orations, about the old log-cabin gent. I've Danger* Past sobbed at how lie slew the weasels, and and Present skinned his thumb an' cut his toe—an' suf fered forty kinds of measles from wadin' miles of heartless snow. . . . O, each installment made me rivel. and each recital fetched the brine, and I would set around an snivel, about them old kinfolks of mine. . . But—times has changed, and I'm reflectin' along the lines of present dread. . . . I've saw some things I weren't expectin'—that any hour could knock me—dead! We've got the crazy benzine flivver—We've got the bull-necked road hog, too.—We've got the germs that eat our liver—we've got the bug that starts the flu ! My days an' nights is spent in terror.—I'll never reach a hundred years—I'll svvaller dmvn my bald-face error, about them happy pioneers! I've studied it from every angle — I've turned the subjeck Inside out, and I have learnt, hevond a *ST " wrangle, that I'm the one to " /frVdfc weep about! GRAPEFRUIT AT MORN MAKES DOCTORS FORLORN They say If you eat an apple a day you keep the doctor away. But what about the grapefruit? As a fact it is the rhyme, the apt ness of the thought, that has helped make the apple famous, with all due respect to the advertising power of Mother Eve. "A grapefruit a day keeps the doctor away," had it been sent trippingly from the tongue of America, would have spelled health and happiness throughout the nation and Incidentally have developed a great industry of countless value to our railroads, to our shipping, to our farmers—in fact, to all the people in every section of the country. Of course, there ts no rivalry be tween the apple and the grapefruit. Both are health giving and delicious. One should, be eaten in the morning and the other at night, and so, instead of a divided couplet, we might sug gest a modest guartraln for general study and dissemination. An apple each night And a grapefruit each morn Make men and maids bright And keep doctors forlorn. Clemenceau, the Tiger of France, announces that grapefruit is the most vitalising and health giving of all foods, and such an endorsement, com ing from one who has demonstrated his belief In the practical application of beneficial food theories by eating onion soup for breakfast Is worthy of consideration. Millions of Americans would be healthier and happier If they ate grapefruit every day. Medical men say it Is the most beneficial of all fruits. There Is a very practical side to the potentiality of the grapefruit. What the orange and the prune have done for California, grapefruit can do for Florida. There are tens of thousands of acres of Florida lands that will grow the most luscious GOOD PRINTING the efficient business man BIILS 1*M* BOD LET T HE efficient man would as in ucl l think of sending poor, unattractive printed matter as he would an unkempt, careless, or ill • red salesman. Your printing often introduces you to your business prospects. If it fails to make an acquaintance ship. it's an unsatisfactory job. Particularly does it apply to the stationery you use—as well as oth er printed matter. We are equipped to handle any printing job you may want and we take pride in turning out only the host work. Tit us. Bingham County News Phone 31 Blackfoot, Idaho Blanks, Booklets, Stationery, Office Forms, Etc. I grapefruit in the world. If the leg islature of the states would come to regard advertising as of more mo ment than log rolling, the demand for this food would soon be quadrupled, idle lands would be turned into pro ductive groves. Then America would have a lower death rate and a healthier bank ac count. Descendant of Mary's Lamb. Col. Thomas Powell of Columbus, Ohio, veteran of the Civil war and brother of the famous Qeu. Eugene Powell, is the proud owner of "Lawn mower," the only living descendant of Mary's little lamb. The original Mary was Mary Sawyer of Sterling, Mass., who wus eight years old at the time celebrated by the poem in 1814. The Immortal verses, by the way, were written by John Roulston.—From the Argonaut. Threat Considered a Favor. Jodklns was always a dissatisfied member of the staff. His complaint this time he considered a big one and he told his work mates that he would threaten to leave. "What did the boss say about your threat to leave?" he was asked on be ing seen coming from the chief's room. "He didn't take It as a threat," re plied Jodklns. "he thought I was doing the firm a favor."—London Tit-Bits. Misused Figure of 8peeoh. A young writer, not much given to revision, recently sent out a story wherein the following occurred : "He called his son a spendthrift, and did not fall, as he had done be fore, to cast his recently purchased motorcar, a 190-horsepower touring machine, In his teeth."—Exchange. It's Only Fair She—"How dare you kiss me?" He—"Oh, well. If that's the way you feel about it, get off my lap." TRUE THE "HIPS" How New Yorker Would Eradi cate Sin From Youngsters. Brilliant Idea Came to Him ae Result •f Interview With Mothere of Future Citlaene. The New York apartment houae. Is an excellent laboratory In which to atudy life and evolve profound theo ries, observes a New York Sun writer. For Instance, there was the resident who came down to hls office one day last week and announced he had dis covered a sure and simple scheme for extracting sinfulness from young children. He said that he had stum bled upon his epochal Idea one eve ning while going through the apart ment with a petition to have the dumb waiter repaired. Five out of seven families In hls apartment contain children. It was eight o'clock as he made his round, that time of the day when mothers, their morale weakening, contemplate the bedlamite carrying on of their young ones and' allow their minds to dwell morbidly on such subjects as hysteria, aberration and fever of the brain. Mrs. Jones came to the door In the first-floor apartment and signed the petition ; but it was probable she did not know what she was signing, for three small boys were playing steam calliope In the hall behind her and conversation was virtually impossible. When she tried to read the paper for herself she could not concentrate. After staggering through a line or two she gave up, putting her hand to her brain and crying, "Don't blame this hullabaloo on my children ! Blame It on that awful Smith boy I—the red headed one!—he always puts 'em up to something like this. If he was mine I'd educate him with a bed slat." The man went up a floor. Mrs. Smith signed hls paper, too. But she had a hard time doing It, because two little girls In the room were yanking each other's hair out and she was try ing to call an armistice with her left hand while she wrote with her right. Done writing, she turned and pried the two enemies apart, took one of them to the elevator, rang the bell and told her to go right home and stay home. "That little Jones girl," she orated, coming back, "Is going to grow np a female anarchist and get deported to Russia. If she was my child I*d get a barrel stave and—and try to stave It off." On the third floor Mrs. Ferguson said: "Of course, I'll sign It. Have you—'' Then a riot burst out behind her. She whirled around. Three young ladles were playing dolls. But they were not using dolls, they were using a cat ! And the cat bad got to the end of her rope. She had endured having a sunbonnet on her head and ■hoes laced on her feet and a corset bound round her abdomen, but when her three parents had decided that ■he was sick and put her to bed and begun to pour castor oil through a funnel Into her throat she had quit; ahe had risen up and used her claws and teeth In self-defense. Mrs. Ferguson shouted dramatically at one of these young ladles. "Jas mine Foster, If I were your mother. I'd—I'd—leave this apartment before I lose control of myself !" The man went np one more floor and came to the Foster place. But before he could ring the beil, the door burst open and a little boy catapulted out Into the hall as If he had been shot out with a cannon. "Do you know what that—that Fer guson demon was doing?" raved Mrs. Foster, with her first words. "He was playing shoot the chutes down the lid of my grand piano!" Then the agonized woman walled, "Oh, If I could only get the chance to mother that—that blackguard for Just one day !—Just one solitary, little, twenty-four-hour day !" And then the man went downstairs, evolving hls great Idea—congress should pass a law compelling every mother to trade children with another mother one day In every week. New Marriage 8ervice. The woman minister of the Orevllle Place church. In London, Rev. Con stance Mary Coltman, M. A., B. IX, has composed a new marriage service which she reads at all weddings at which she officiates. The most interesting feature of It Is that both bride and bridegroom plight their troth with a ring, each placing a ring on the other's finger. The word "obey" does not occur In the service, and the man aud woman make exactly the same vows. Mrs. Coltman has also written a new chris tening service.—London Tlt-Blts. The Helping Hand. I had gone to the golf links te meet and accompany my husband home after hla game. Seeing a player coming toward me from a distance following up hls ball, I thought I would asetat him and ao I picked the ball up off the green and threw It back to him. Then aa he and hls comrades neared the green an argument ensued as to where the ball had been. I am now afraid to visit the links for fear of meeting the recipient of my kindness.—Chicago Tribune. Absolutely Laet. Har Little Husband—Striking woman Is the last thing I'd ever do. Mrs. Heavysldes—It sure would be U I was the woman. You wouldn't survive long enough for an encore. & v . vy • f ; *# f * W COPYRIBBT (Ml Ml CITY VBBLII IliU All-wool warmth for Winter Sports! T3C7ARMTH is the big idea back VY of "Oregon City" products. Nature gave the sheep of the West heavy long-fibred wool to protect them from biting cold. Oregon City Woolen Mills selects this wool on the range»— dyes, spins and weaves it into staunch, all-wool fabrics. They tailor the fabrics into smart, clean-cut Mackinaws for men and boys; into Overcoats for men and young men. Their Motor Robes and Indian Blankets combine this wonderful warmth with rare beauty of design. A Jacobs'-Oregon City Mackinaw bought now will give you service this winter and several winters to coma Because we can obtain these wool producta direct from the «»111* we an able to offer unn«ual values. Seeger-Bundlie Comprny "Everybody's Store 99 EDITORS FLAN MID-WINTER MEET The annual winter meeUng of the Colorado Editorial Association will be held in Denver during stock show week, at the Albany hotel. The meet ing has been called for Friday and Saturday January 19 and 20, the last two days of the National Weetern Stock show. Plans are being made by the program and entertainment committees that should mean both profit and pleasure for the members. Cartoon Review of 1922 * M.»f ^»4 *4» • * » \ ' v'Af ****** — fcUECTio* s* .j a vetROn 44 (MP^oveMiMT . 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"Brick" Stillwell writes In to say that life is getting to be just one dran oil station after another. BLACKFOOT PRICES. 7 Passenger ............. HTNjN Speedster -----------------------197S.M Coupe _________________________ Sedan ........................... Coach ---------------------------------1799.99 Essex Touring ............... $1199.(9 Coach ..—-----------------------------US9.99 Cabriolet -------------------------- 184949 C. 8. BEEBE.