THE PIOCHE RECORD
MAY 22, 1909
BACK OF PiOCHE,
CAUSED LISTENERS TO SMILE.
CHANCE FOR SETTLEMENT GONE.
We Like- To Publish Results
Clergyman's Announcement Tickled
As may be inferred, each profession
has its eiock jokes its stories in
PIOCHE KING MINING COMPANY John A. Kirby, Manager Jno. T. Hod.on, Sec't
Thil company is using 50-H.P. ALAMO Gaiulin Hoist which a'.so drives a 319 cu. ft 7 wo
Stage Compressor. Nine hour shift hoisted 90 11-cu. ft. buckets on S gallona Distillate;
, twelve hour shift hoisted 35 11-tu ft. buckets, drilled 22 C-f L holes with three machines on
27 callans Distillate. Now do you know why "old timers" are buying; the
Silt Lake City, Utah.
When everyone should have
Screen Doors. We have
them. Also all the material
to make Window Screens
E E. FULLER
E. E. FULLER, Manager.
'till 1111 HOtl
Dry Goods, a complete stock.
Boots, Shoes and Hats.
a TTflriTllsl Hs-nTTIIsTIH
tCXtCX XXXX VCSiiC&iOiSCJ&a
r"ATT7 VfkTT nfWKTn
s If so see A.' L, -. KIMBALL, Contractor and Builder of ,
Lumber, Concrete, or Cement Blocks
Plans and specifications drawn. Work guaranteed
' Terms 'Reasonable .Y '
Office in the M. GrifRth
' - ; Given the Mitten.
, One cold day a lovesick youngman.
who had for some time harassed a
young lady with his attentions, was
hurrying; along the street behind this
, very young lady when Iitf perceived,
with delight, something drop from her
muff i to the sidewalk."? ' ' ,:
Picking it up, the"' gallant young
: man rushed aheact and, accosting her,
smilingly held out her .recovered prop
erty.! .' ' 7"";-;-. . "
Without deigning to accept - ft,, she
eyed him coldly a moment, then said:
"younay keep it; it'g my mitten."
SllB. Aj315jf C llllj i PMlic Tool Co.
LUMBER CO. I
m s w a a w w
rvf TTTTT F
House pnPipche Street.
Grow Tall in the Country,
According to the Investigations of
Dr.. Deniker, well-known for his an
thropologic studies', ihe influences ' of
City life tend toward a "decrease of hu
man '. stature. J I( js , arrniv from - the
large cities that the .beneficpnt ejects
of the general.amelloration of' social
conditions arid"improvements in hy
giene of modern-times "most cleariy
manifest themselves by distinct in
crease of stature. ( This increase has
been marked; among severa) of the
European races during the last half
century;' 4 Where, the people are sub
jected to urban influences the gain is
less notable. Youth's Companion.
Basso Might Have Decided Vexed
Question, But He Didn't.
The choir began the hymn. When
they came to the line: "Neither are
they afratd," the composer of the
music bad so writtenit that it had to
ba repeated first by theprano, then
by the alto, and finally by the bass.
The soprano seemed to"be of conserva
tive taste and sang the line: "Nee-ther
are" they afraid." Apparentlx the alto
had departed from the usage of her
forefathers, for when she brought out
the words they became "Nl-ther are
they afraid," and it became a serious
question which side the bass would
take. The bass was an Irishman. Out
rolled his rich voice: "Nay-ther are
So the" question of usage still re
Surprise for LodgerKeeper.
It was a former archbishop of York
Dr. Thomson who appeared once in
the role of coachman. J JIe had at
tended an evening party, and, on leav
ing the house, discovered that bis
coachman was drunk. There apeared
nothing for it but to drive home him
self, and the archbishop, after placing
the smiling but unconscious coachman
inside the carriage, mounted the box
and took the reins. The monotony of
the homeward Journey was broken by
a wheel of the carriage comiug'into
violent" collision with a stone ju3t out
side the entrance to Bishopsthorpe,
The lodge-keeper, unable to recog
nize the apprcachiEg figure in the
darkness, called out cheerily: "Hallo,
Bill, drunk again! and blowed ff you
ain't got the old cock's hat cn!" "It's
the old cock .himself," gravely re
sponded his grace. San Francisco Ar
gonaut. - -
The Wise Fly.
In a lecture on flies before the Royal
Photographic society of London, F. P.
Smith said that with a little patience
flies could be trained, and he. showed
sou-o ..cinematograph records of flies
lying on their backs twirling minia
ture duTb 1::'!-, ' balancing weights
bigger then . ihctvslves",' climbing re
volving whetls,' and acting as nurse
maids, hold'ng dummy babies. . Ac
curately 'balanced, little machines
were, us,ed for training the flies, and
the only discoufrrt to the Infect," said
The lecturer, was Involved in its being
imprisoned for a day or two. On being
Tf'ca&ed, although its wings were un
injured, it hnrl no desire to' fly, but
showed tractableness and readiness to
pr-rform these extraordinary gyra
tions instead;u .
The Tenor's Compliment.
' You could teJl from his hair that he
was a musician, or something .of the
sort. "Yes," he said to the company
at large, "the greatest tenor in the
land once paid me the biggest compli
ment I could wish." "Oh?" remarked
some one, interrogatively. "It was
Hire this: I sang without accompani
ment I always have trouble -with
rccompanists; they're so unsympathet-,
ic, you know and at the end of the
song he said to me: 'Do you know,
when you began without an accompanist,-!
was surprised; wheal heard
you, I was astonished; and when you
sat down I was delighted!' 1 And the
sun shone down and lit up flie youth's
beatifl smile of satisfaction. ': 4
' When Beef Went Up.
The rise in beef took a "humorous
turn recently., The Fulton Eye, ac
cording to the Atlanta Constitution,
tells this story of it:
J' A. shorthorn bull walked into the
door of the Farmers bank last Thurs
day morning and climbed to the top
of the ..stairway, much to the surprise
of the doctors, who occupy the offices
above. The animal.-found room to
turn around at., the top of the stairs
and came down again. Jt l&presumed
that ' the animal was looking for Dr.
Ward, the veterinary surgeon, and
climbed- tho wrong stairway by mis
.ta'.ie..'' Men the Umbrella Losers. , .
!. "If the umbre-Ia is for a gentleman
I surest that it be cheap," the clerk
sa d. "For a lac'.y, the costlier The um
brella the- better. -J , . : ;-r V . ';-
' Ladies, you know, never lose um
brellas, never leave them in cars or
shops, never carelessly allow them to
be swiped. -Why, there are gold and
Silver handled umbrellas, theproperty
cf. "ladles;' that have i been co'ini rig back
to "us for repairs for 40 years.
A "But men dear me! Men are liable
to lose an umbrella "the first day they
take it out. . .t,, .'',. ''
"For a man, you'say, sir? Then I
recommend this strong and service
able article at 74 centsreduced from
98." ' , -
numerable each of which haviflt a
flavor of its own. That the point of a
joke or Jest lies not in the tongue of
him who makes It, but in tlie ear that
hears, is the testimony of tha great
The doctor on his rounds and th
judge upon the bench have both an'
audience ready and willing to accept
as the highest wit the bon mots of
the speakers; and there is no club or
gathering of men that does not ac
claim one of its members 'as supreme
in this respect, and are ready to
yield due recognition of the gift.
It must be admitted that the blun
ders and jests clerical stand for some
reason pre-eminent both in number
and in mirth producing qualities. The
reason, of course, is not far to seek
the -very surroundings, in which they
occur the very upsetting of one's
preconceived notions of reveivnce, all
tend to cause a reaction in the or
dinary mental . equilibrium, and the
simplest mistake or accident under
such circumstances assumes the pro
portions of a huge comedy. - '
Recently a' divine, in drawing the
attention of his congregation to a spe
cial communion service on the follow
ing Sunday informed them that "the
Lord is with us in the forenoon and
I be. bishop in the evening." :
Quaint CId Pepys.
There were, worse errors than the
matinee hat for the man who sat be
hind a woman in the seventeenth cen
tury theater. Pepys wrote that Janu
ary 28, IG31, he saw "The Lost Lady"
for the second time. Nine days ear
lier that play had net pleased him
much partly,' perhaps, because he
was "troubled to be seen by four of
our office clerks, which sat in the
half-crown box, and I in the Is, 6d."
But on the second occasion the play
did "please me better , than before;
and here, I sitting behind in a dark
place, a lady spit backward upon me
by a mistake, not seeing me." How
ever, -it was all right, for, "after see
ing her to be a very pretty lady, I
was not troubled at it at all."
Dogs to Match.
The late dowager empress of China
was tie most powerful personage of
the c?y, yet b'tween the lines of a re
cat i.-i-eiic'. odict a delightfully fem
inine tlas' Is' easily discoverable.
Iler majraty, who we's' the' supreme
authority on the standard quaJica
liens of the little Pekingese spaniel,
"which Is -exclusively., reserved for im
perial use, gave an order thus:
"For tha color, let It be like that cf a
iio.r, a sab!e-.gold, to be carried in the
sleeve of a golden robe, or the oior
of a veil or of a blwk b?ar, or w 1 It j o.
stiiped like a dragon, so that there
may ba a Aos appropriate to every cos
tuir.e." Youth's Companion.
There Is a couple in Atchison known
to be engaged to be married. The man
was recently called out of town' on
an important business trip, and no
sooner reached his destination," 500
miles away, than he received a tele
gram from his girl to return at once.
He did so ard fcucd she had sent the
telegram to "try" him, to see if he
would "do anything" for her, as he
had claimed. - Fhe is satisfied now that
he loves her, but he Isn't quite satis
fled, when he thinks of the, worry and
expense that he was put to, and will
ask to be released from the engage
ment. Atchison Globe. . - . -
The visitors-In .the historical museum-gazed
curiously at. a small feather
pillow which nestled in a glas case.
''I don't see anything unusual about
that pillow," remarked one of the visi
tors, turning to the guide.'
; "It's a very valuable pillow," re
plied tile guide. "That is Washing
ton's original headquarters." Lippin
New Light on Evolution.
"Your clothes yeem a trifle large
for you," remarked the abrupt per
son,:' . ' ;. ..'- '' ; '.', '-'
"Yes," answered the young man
with college hair. "Sometimes I think
Darwin didn't know what he was talk
ing about. The tendency to-day seems
la be toward the survival of the mis
f.iusl!" Learning All the Secrets.
Husband Why were you so anx
ious to get that maid? She does not
seem to be efficient "
Wife She Isn't. - :
Husband Then what , did you en
fgbge her for? . ' ; - '
Wife-5he has lived In every family
tu the neighborhood.
CAPITAL FULLY PAID, $25,000.0
INTEREST PAID ON TIME DEPOSITS.
G. M. WHITMORE. President,
CEO. B. GREENWOOD. Vice-PresO
MILTON L. LEE, Cashier
George B. Greenwood, G. M. Whitmore,
N. P. Ipson. ' E. A. Hodges,
C, A. Thompson, John R. Cook,
M. L. Lee.
WE. HAVE THE
WE WILL GIVE YOUR BUSINESS
SAFE AND PROFITABLE ATTENTIQ
Wholesale and Retail
Dealer in Wines, Liquors
Assured to Everyone
Your Patronage Solic
ited TTDioche and
L Kit. ' 77" -. sS.: mM
National Sewing Machine Co.
Made a Hit.
Miss Sue Brette And you say he
look aim and threw an egg at you?
Foote Lights He did.
"Was it bad?"
"The egg was, but the aim was not"
ty;?f iclhble, hop.- -ffi'rHyifcijl'kn
hlga grade sew--
xml | txt