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SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1911. THE PIOCHE RECORD. PAGE THREE. A I i A Wise Man Said: If a a ca writ a better book. preecb a bcttet eermoe, or auke a better mourn trap thai bis neighbor, thoagh he build bis bouse ia the woods. ihe world will nuke a besMa path la bis door.1 1 Wo auk better jewelry. ent7v4eztf3r "eierSur n SAIT LAJIB CJTX UT4 STITUTt. A rOSlTIVE and PER MANENT CURE FOR Drt nkenness rnd Op um Diseases. thai. Uea tTMtW m L r-E KEELEY IN- M4W.SMtsTawUSrml.SdlU Car. as III IIt. a am b rkar ewe BEINO THE ONLY SEEDSMEN In the lnter-mountaln country making- thoro Yield Tesu of Heeds, we lesd sll competitors. Write lor our Bit free Catalog ol PORTS R-vV ALTON CO., Salt Lata City WANTED MEN AND WOMEN to I earn HarberTrarle In Eiifh. Weeks. Tulrinn with rutt nf tnnlra Vii partial nek of tool, HS, Witb your own tools fctt. Addrew Molar Barber Coll 18 Commercial Street, Bail Lake City. Utah. RUBBER STAMPS iHSS Una Rubber Typs Outilts and supplies iu stock. Mail orders receive prompt attention. ALT LAK T CO., Oalt Lake City Unjustly Accused. Andrew Carnegie, at a dinner In Hew York, talked about the Scotch dialect "It's a hard lingo to understand," lie said. "It often causes awkward mistakes. "Once an American divine spent Christmas In a Hilghland Inn. On Christmas morning he gave the maid -a tip of a sovereign, and he said, look ing earnestly at her for she was a pretty maid: "Do you know, Kathleen, you are very good looking lassieT' "Of course Kathleen was pleased, but, being modest, Bhe blushed like 4t rose and answered: "'Ah, na; ah, na! But my kissin, air, Is beautiful'.' "The divine frowned. ""Leave the room, you wicked young baggage!' he said sternly. "He didn't know, you see, that mod est Kathleen had been simply prais ing in her Highland dialect the su perior charms of her cousin Janet of Peebles." He Knows His Time Table. A woman waited and waited for a car in a Boston suburb and no car came. Finally she lost all patience. "Will you please tell me," she de manded of the starter, an old man seated on a keg of chewing tobacco, "if there are any cars left on this line, and It so, when they will pass here?" Without moving his eyes from the distant horizon and without stopping chewing, the old man answered: "A Quarter arter, a half arter, a quarter to, and at." Success Maga zine, i the Ins and Outs. "What's that noise?" asked visitor in the apartment house. "Probably some one In the den tist's apartments on the floor below getting a tooth out" "But this seemed to come from the floor above." "Ah. then It's probably the Pop ley's baby getting a tooth In." Miniature Specialization. A young medical student was being quizzed by one of his teachers: "In what will you specialize?" he was asked. "Disease of the nostril," re plied the student "Good," said the professor, enthusiastically. "Which nostril?" Success Magazine. Ha Stood the Test. The hour was 1 a. m. Inside the dimly lighted hallway stood Mrs. Dor kins with a grim smile on her face. The front door was bolted. "John," she said, in cutting accents, "you have been dissipating at the club again!" "Maria," spoke a voice outside, rap idly, clearly and distinctly, "he blew lugubriously on the blooming bugle!" Instantly she unfastened and open ed the door. Mr. Dor kins had not been dissipat ing. Chicago Tribune. Scotland Going Dry. . An unpreceednted state of affairs prevails In the distillery Industry of Scotland. It has been announced that the North British Distillery Is to be closed down. This makes the fourth large grain distillery which has ceas ed operations In Scotland during the last month or. two. It foreshadows that other distilleries will be closed permanently. The situation is un usual and shows the force of the strong temperance sentiment which Is sweeping the country. Temper nee. James Would Miss Him. Husband I shall have to be away 11 day Thursday. Wife My dear, how can you possl bly do that when you know that is al ways the day yon give James notiee to go Punch. , The Servant Question. "Good gracious! There's ' Marl tailing out of the window." "Drat these servants! She knows wa r not Insured against accidents. They're always trying to annoy us." Pole Mele. By H.E.TWINELL$ MERICAN9 have the reputation of be ing quick wltted and shrewd. As matter of fact we are Barnumlzed bluffers, far more gullible and credu lous than any olass of any nation. Right now. In nearly every moder ate-sized city of the United States we are falling in Una and dropping gold into the tills of organized fake auc tion stores and taking in exchange a misrepresented article. These bogus auction stores are more harmful to us as a nation than all the old time lotteries, policy games, mall-order fakes and circus grafts, including gold bricks and shell games, combined. They are not honest They play "heads we win,, tails you lose." Uncle Sam doesn't want to bring up bis boys in the business; yet be countenances It, and over 530 of bis cities Issue licenses regularly to the auctioneers of these take companies, giving them the privi lege of swindling the public at a nominal fee. Any town with over 10,000 blind, Barnumlzed Yankees waiting to be buncoed is considered a fertile field. From coast to coast, ThE PROPRIETOR from lineto line, we find In nearly every state from one to forty cities' supporting temporary auction swindles. Few are permanent; It Is a mushroom business which springs up over night In a cheap store, 7? THf CA5HICR leased from month to month, and stays until trouble occurs or the field Is worked dry. New York city alone demands to be duped by no less than eight practically permanent com panies of this sort, only shifting their positions to greener fields as the crowds change. There are three ways to tell a legitimate suc tion. If the place is permanent and advertises sales on certain days, if the goods to be sold are catalogued piece for piece, and If there are no outside men hired to control the bidding, then it Is certain that the sale Is genuine. The fake auction game Is played under the pseudo patronage of reliability. The auctioneer's license. Issued by the city, is hung conspicuously near the door and the goods are claimed to have been consigned from private sources or pawn brokers In nearby cities. It Is misrepresentation from the start As matter of fact the goods were picked up In Job lots from novelty houses. Jobbers, Japanese stores and regular auction sup ply firms who handle job lots of trashy stuff and are to be found In all the larger cities. The Ivories tbey handle are made of cheap clay by shrewd Japs who have scraped through the shell of American bluff and found the flabblness of the flesh beneath. These antiques crumble to pieces' after six months in a heated apartment. Practi cally all the goods handled in these stores are made on the same principle and bought at from one-fifth to one-fiftieth of what they will bring at auction. There Is nothing criminal In selling at an ex orbitant profit if the purchaser gets the square deal. But a fake auction company Is primarily a ring of cheats never Intentionally giving anyone a square deal. The proprietor Is the arch rogue. His profit depends on selling an article at anywhere from fifty to two, three and sometimes Ave hundred dollars. The auction does not pay If run for the average buyer; It Is merely a trap, a "plant" for the occasional "good thing" who happens In and Is quickly relieved of a large amount of money through an elaborate system he never suspects. It Is a joyless game, played on cut-and-drled rules which admit of no freshness or originality. The average cast for they are all actors and play the same cheap show every day la made up of one backer, or proprietor, two auctioneers, one pretty girl cashier, and from two to ten "shllls" (the pale-faced people with mushy morals), their number depending on the size and situation of the store. The backer usually is a shrewd and unscrupu lous man who rents a vacant store. Alls It with a scattering of cheap, showy articles to attract at tention and a number of large so-called "works of art;" and "antiques" which, on Inspection, prove to be minors. The range runs from foun tain pens at ten cents to deceptive "ivories," "bronzes" and "paintings by the old masters" that bring from fifty to two hundred and fifty dollars, and sometimes more, from the uninitiated. The proprietor hires a pretty girl cashier and aounts ber as an additional attraction. He gets one or two auctioneers they aiually travel In sal re, to relieve one another and the- public ana guarantees them ten per cent of the sales; which commission runs from forty to two hundred dollars week. Then the dealer Incorporates the backbone of whole crookad business the body of "shllls I don't believe you gentlemen would give $2.60 to see statue of liberty do a Salome dance Two dollars bid, oh, shlll! Two dollars!" Jones, your out-of-town friend, is undecided whether to go In or not; but at that moment a fellow near the door shakes his bead to a seem ing stranger beside him and says in a low voire: "It's a shame. Things are going for nothing Wish I had the price to buy some of that cut glass. It'll sell for a song." Jones overhears and Is interested. He thinks the mind of everybody In that store Is centered on the opera glasses, going so cheap. He smiles at their rapt attention and the auctioneer's hard luck complaints. The smile would disappear In stantly If he knew that he himself was the sole concern of the eight minds in that audience, and the auctioneer. He would be furious If he knew that the whole sale of the opera glasses was a sham; that when the auctioneer saw Jonesey looking In he Immediately transmitted this fact to the shlll nearest the door by saying, "Oh, shlll," casu ally In his speech. Jones had never heard the word, bo naturally he didn't select It with suspicion from the auctioneer's jargon, and suspected nothing when the man, near the door remarked about cut glass bargains. As s matter of fact Jones was Interested In cut glass. His wife liked It and occasionally he Invested In some, It being the nearest he could get to diamonds. So he sauntered In casually and watched with an amused smile the frantic auctioneer trying to sell a watch. Jones wasn't Interested in watches. He had - one in his pocket; so his eyes continually mved toward the cut glass In a little Japanese cabinet He didn't know It, but before he was In the place two minutes, while the auctioneer was trying to "feel him out" with the watch, one of the shllls had noticed Jones's Interest In cut glass, and had called the auctioneer's attention to the fact by touching the cabinet signifi cantly. The auctioneer, on his perch above them all, had control of the situation. He noted the signal from the shlll, jotted down mentally that Jones wanted cut glass, and knocked down, the watch he had been experimenting with to one of the shllls for a ruinous price, which was all helpful In showing Jones that a shrewd man could pick up a bargain If he laid low, attracted no attention and bided his time. "SoM for six ninety. Put It with the other goods for Mr. A. Deposit sufficient," the auc tioneer cried to the pretty cashier. Jones did not bid on the first piece of cut glasB. The auctioneer did not look toward htm once to give him a chance, The piece was knocked down for $3.80. It was a frightful bar gain. Jones would have given $5 for It him self. But the auctioneer passed abruptly to the next article. Joues pressed forward this time as a gor geous punch bowl was put up. He heard vari ous exclamations around him, all tending to give him confidence in the fact that things were going dirt cheap. Two ladles beside him com miserated because they wouldn't have enough "Gentlemen and ladles," the auctioneer went on solemnly, "If I had this article In Chicago or New York It would bring one hundred dollars, one hun dred dollars. You couldn't duplicate It at retail for less thou two hundred. It Is the finest piece of art glass ever shown In your city. "Can I get one hundred dollars? Ninety? Eighty? Seventy-five dollars? Can I get sixty? Fifty? Olve me forty; thirty-line; thirty!" "Fifteen dollars!" came a halting voice from beside Jones. Jones was interested. He sensed a bargain. Had he known that when the auctioneer said "thirty-line" it was a signal to the shlll beside This Individual, for whom the scenery Is set ,) 3o to bld 3? wlth lln8 lrou or fifteen uusita, b, aaw nwuau Uwi Ul v VJ UQOU OU VUIIJU OWES BER i HEALTH To Lydla E. Plnkham's Vegetable Compound Beottville, Mich. " I want to tell you bow much good LydiaE-Pinkham's vegetaDie uom. pound and Sanative Wash have done ma. I live on farm and have worked very hard. I am forty five Tears old. And am the mother of thirteen children. Many people think: it strange that I am not broken down with hard work and the care of mt fam ily, but I tell them of my good friend, ?our Vegetable Compound, and that here will be no backache and hearing flown pains for them if they will take It as I have. I am scarcely ever with out it in the house. "I will say also that I think there Is no better medicine to be found for young girls to build them up and make) them strong and well. My eldest daughter has taken Lydla E. Pink, ham's Vegetable Compound for pain, ful periods and irregularity, and It has always helped her. "I am always ready and willing to trpeak a good word for the Lydiu E. -lnkhamTs Remedies. I toll every ono I meet that I owe my health and hap. plness to these wonderful medicines." Mrs, J.G.JoHNBOM,Scottvllle,Mlch B.F.D.8. Lydia E. Plnkham's Vesretable Com. pound, made from native roots and herbs, contains no narcotics or harm ful drugs, and to-day holds the record for the largest number of actual cures of female, diseases. iinnw THE AUCTJOfltEfit TH JHJLt. e The word "shlll," or "shll llver" In full. Is of Inde terminate origin. It IS synonymous with "cap per," "booster," "ringer," "dummy," "stool," "stool pigeon" and "outside man;" all tecblneal slang titles for the shabby crea ture, the human buzzard, who picks up his foul liv ing by rascality and roguery In working between the public and some swindling game: in 'this case, working among those who stop in at the auction and pretending to have no connection with the sale, betraying a score of people a day after Ingratiating himself in their good .graces through cunning and craft. Without these shllls no shsm auction can ex ist. Of course in smaller towns only two or three can be used, as strangers are more easily noticed in such places. They are the crooks on whom the proprietor relies to pick out unsuspecting vis itors snared by the bargain lure and jockey them Into buying misrepresented articles. The shlll mixes with the crowd. His business Is to look Just like an interested buyer and lie In wait for the fly for which the elaborate web was spun. and the actors dressed, is called In technical slang "a rummy." The old three-card monte men chris tened him "sucker." Picture a room 40 feet long and 20 feet wide. Double doors to the sidewalk are invitingly open; above them hangs an enticing red flag bearing the name of what purports to be a legitimate suction firm; beneath that, In large letters, are the words: SALE TODAY. Pick out any acquaintance who lives In a small town. Is fairly prosperous, and has come to the nearby city ofl 0,000 to 30.000 population to look around for the day, purchase a present for his wife and some Implements for the farm. He has read In the papers and magazines ac counts of book, art and antique auctions and not ed the hugh prices brought by rarities. When he stumbles on to the flagrant flag of the fake auc tion house and looks ln at the window, heaped With a miscellany of antiques, ha Is suddenly stirred by that perennial longing for a bargain. He glances through the door. There Is a wor ried auctioneer struggling with eight dull-faced people. He Is trying frantically to sell a pair of opera glasses. "Genuine Lemler, gentlemen ; concave and con vex lenses, put up In this heavy morocco case," the auctioneer cries, "and $2 Is bid' for them. Think of that! Not a tenth of their value. Why. , ' elastic. "Sixteen!" "Seventeen!" "Half!" "Eighteen!" staccato offers punctuated the atmosphere after the auctioneer's encouragement. The little man beside Jones shook his head sadly. ' "Gee, It's gone beyond me," he sighed, turning to Jones; It'll go dirt cheap, too. If you could buy that for $50 It'd be a bargain, sure enough." "Twenty-eight Is the last bid," walled the auc tioneer:' "Why, you could take It out and pawn It for more than that." Jones thrilled as the auctioneer turned to look squarely at him. "You'd give thirty, wouldn't you?" be cried. Jones gulped and nodded. The auctioneer skilfully led up to the grand landing by taking offers of "thirty-six" and "thirty seven" from members of his troupe. He had felt out his man carefully and knew that $40 would be Jones's limit "Will you give me forty?" he said simply. In a levei tone, leaning far over the showcase. Jones hesitated, gulped, and then nodded his head abruptly. Jones was pleased with his bargains until he got home and his wife told him he could get the same punch bowl for $10 anywhere and th.t the other stuff was worthless. OPINION NOT ALWAYS FINAL Pretty Safe to Ssy That Doctor's Diagnosis Was "Away Oft" In This Case. The pretty daughter of a physician Is engaged to a college studont of whom her father does not altogether approve. His daughter la too young to think of marriage, the doctor as serts; the college student Is too young to think of it, likewise. It Is out of the question. She explained all this to her lover the other night "Father says." she summed It up; "father says, dear, that I will have to give you up." The young man sighed. "Then it's all over?" he murmured, with gloomy Interrogation. And the girl laughed and blushed. "Well," she said, "well, you you know that when the doctor gives you up that's Just the time tor you ta take mora hope. Isn't it sometimes that way?" Reboboth Sunday Herald. The Scorcher's Fate. The Cannibal King See here, what was that dish you served up at lunch? The Cook Stewed cyclist, your ma esjty. The Cannibal King It taBted very burnt The Cook Well, he was scorching when we caught him, your majesty,- Sketch. i if His Opinion. Nophew-J-What do you think of the. opera? Uncle Josh Them women In th' boxes ought to be able to raise enough money on their diamonds to buy soma clothes with, by jinks! Afraid of Disfigurement. Bhe Aren't you going to ask papa tonight George? He No, dear. I think I'd better not I want to have my picture taken tomorrow. Yonkers Statesman. RESULTS OF FOOD. Health and Natural Conditions Corns From Right Feeding. Man, physically, should be like a perfectly regulated machine, each part working easily in Its appropri ate place. A slight derangement causes undue friction and wear, and frequently ruins the entire system. A well-known educator of Boston found a way to keep the brain and the body in that harmonious co-operation which makes a Joy of living. "Two years ago," she writes, "being In a condition of nervous exhaustion, I resigned my position as teacher, which I bad held for over 40 years. Since then the entire rest has, of course, been a benefit, but the use of Grape-Nats has removed one great cause of Illness In the past, namely, constipation, and its attendant evils. "I generally make my entire break fast on a raw egg beaten into four spoonfuls of Grape-Nuts, with a little . hot milk or hot water added. I like It extremely, my food assimilates, and my bowels take care of themselves. I find my brain power and physical endurance much greater and I know that the use of the Grape-Nuts has contributed largely to this result "It Is with feelings of gratitude that I writs this testimonial, and trust It may be the means of aiding others In their search for health." Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mien. Read the little book, "The Road to Wellvllle," In pkgs. There's a Rea son." reaa the abere letter A Brew eae-aswaeura froea Heme ta tlaaa. The re aeaalaa, baa, aawl (ail el hausuus laterea'