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By M. QUAD. (Coprrlg&t. 1906, br T. C McOure.J When Silas Strong, old bachelor, bocgbt a farm in the outskirts of the village of Fowlerville and set np his bachelor's hall be was at peace with all mank^id. Two weeks later be was rushing to and fro with a pitchfork in his hands seeking the life of a .strange bog that bad invaded his prem ises. For four years the Widow Ta bor. down in the village, had owned a bog. For three years the animal had been known as "tbe widow's hog." to distinguish him from the bait hundred other hogs permitted to meander around. Tbe Wiliisers told tales about that bog. tie wis tall and long and rangy. lie was ever hungry. He was a fighter. He was a destroyer of gar dens and tbe happiness of the owners thereof. He deserved death by the of gun, ax or club, but be had been spared because he was owned by a widow. The widow's bog had waited a rea sonable length of time and then paid a visit to the newcomer and rooted up h*tr an acre of potatoes. Silas Strong wss slow to anger, but be couldn't stand that After vainly trying to ??atch tbe bog he sat himself to locate the owner. When this had been done he put on his Sunday suit and made a call. Ho hnd the damages figured up -v*j5d knew Just what be was going to The Widow Tabor wasn't expect ing him, but she was not a bit tiustrat rd. Mr. Strong bad hardly begun bis story of infamy on the part of the hog ?when he was Interrupted with: i "Dear, dear me, but I am so sorry. I wish he wouldn't act this wny. Mr. Strong, I have Just been making some elderberry wine, and 1 wish you would give me your opinion on it." "When he bad done so she asked an other opinion about blackberry jam. and from that she Insisted that he sam ple a custard pie, and when he finally started home he had forgiven tbe bog and bad a good opinion of the widow. These sentiments were not lasting. Only a week had passed when the same hog tore his way through a stout fence and did some more rooting. Silas Strong was stirred to the utter most by the outrage. The widow and the hog shared bis Invectives alike. As soon as be could get Ills breath and breakfast he set out for the village. He may have been expected, for tbe door was opened to him with a sweet smile, and before he could utter a word the widow said: "I am very glad to see you. One of the legs of the cook Btove has fallen out. and I do wish you'd fix It for me." Tbe leg was no sooner In place than the widow mentioned that she was afraid tbe "mother" In tbe vinegar barrel on the sunny side of the bouse ?was dead, and she took Silas out to we. He gave his opinion, and then she asked his advice about keeping Leghorn chickens instead of Brnbmas. and the upshot was that he went away without bringing tbe thunders of heav en upon her bead. lie got as far as to say that the bog bad paid him another visit but she changed the conversation to the coming circus, and he found himself on his way home In a puzzled frame of mind. >He wanted to forgive the widow without forgiving the hog. but as they seemed to be one and in separable bow was It to be brought about? Silas bothered or?r this mat ter for ten days and then got up one morning to Cad another battlefield be lore bis eyes. The widow's bog had made the third unannounced visit He had rooted up tbe soil, and he had chewed up things. He had spared neither age nor sex. It was simply a gigantic case of malicious trespass and ?deserved death at once. As Silas could not catch him and administer the death strokf, he took n bite to eat and then started for Liverpool, a village five miles uway. As soon as he got there ho laid tbo widow and the hog and the trespass before the lawyer. . and when the latter had got the de tails he said: "It's the plainest case I ever had. The bog has got to die." Silas Strong felt an elation as he started for home. Tbe low was be hind him. and tbe law was to vindi cate bi:n. Ho had given the widow and her hog n chance, but they had not taken advantage of It At the end of a mile or so. however, this elation began to lose its edge, and ten minutes later he was wishing that he hadn't been so prompt Durn the hog. but Ars. Tabor was a widow. She had given him pleasant greeting. She had asked his advice. She had fo' blm costard pie. She may have been left that hog as a heritage, and she couldn't be expected to either kill him ?or follow him around nights. Silas was feeling rather ashamed of his movements when he came upon a fe male sitting on tbe back of the high way and weeping. Standing In the middle of the road was an o*l horse and buggy belonging to a party in Fowlerville. Tbe harness had broken, and the outfit bad come to a stand still. Tbe woman was recognized at . once as tbe Widow Tabor. As Silas descended from bis rig she rose up and tearfully welcomed him. It was tbe duty of Silas Strong to comfort her. He did hi* duty, some of It with an arm around her waist. He had forgotten hogs and lawyers and cases of trespass when, be saw a man* driving up whom be recognized as a constable. He was on his way 1 to Fowlerville to serve the summons. "Might as well turn around," an nounced Silas. "But why?" "A feller cant sue his own wife, can her And tbe constable sighed and drove JB. M.JJCAD. LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT of Charles Lounsburv, at one time lawyer of Chicago; who died in the Cook County Asylum at Dunning, 111., in 1900. Its beauty and grace, and the virility of its style, make it worthy of publication. "I Charles Locnsblrv, being of sound and disjxising mind and mem ory, do hereby make and publish this my last will and testament, in order to distribute my interests in the world among succeeding men." That part of mv interbhts, which is known in law and recognized in the sheep bound volumes as my prop erty, being incon?iderable and of no account, I make no disjx>sal of it in this my will. My right to live, be ing but a life estate, is not at my disposal, but, these things excepted, ; all else in the world I now proceed to devise and bequeath." * Item. I give to Good Fathers and Mothers, in trust for their Chil dren, all good little Words of Praise and Encouragement and all Quaint Pet Names and Endearments, and I charge said parents to use them just ly, but generously, as the needs of ! their children shall require." Item. I leave to Children inclu sively, but only for the term of their childhood, all and every the Flowers J of the Fields and the Blossoms of the j Woods, with the right to play among j them freely, according to the customs of children, warning them at the same time against Thistles and the Thorns. And I devise to Children ; the Banks of the Brooks and the1 i Golden Sands beneath the Waters thereof, and the Odors of the Wil lows that dip therein, and the \V bite Clouds that float high over the Giant Trees. And 1 leave the Children the ! Long, Long Days to be merry in a thousand ways, and the Night, and the Moon, and the Train of the Milky Way to wonder at, hut sub ject, nevertheless, to the rights here inafter given to Lovers." "Item. I devise to Boys jointly all the Useless, Idle Fields and Com mons where Ball may be played, all Pleasant Waters where one may swim, all Snowclad Hills where one ' may coast, and all Streams and Ponds where one may fish, or w here, when grim winter comes, one may skate, to have and to hold the same for the period of their Boyhood and all Meadows with the Clover Blos soms and Butterflies thereof, the Woods with their appurtenances, the Squirrels and Birds, and the Echoes and Strange Noises, and all Distant , Places which may be visited, together with the Adventures there found.'* And I give to said Boys each His Own Place at the Fireside at night, with all pictures that may he seen in the Burning Wood, to enjoy without let or hindrance and without any in cumbrance or care." "Item. To Lovers I devise their; Imaginary World, with whatever they may need, as the Stars of the , Skv, the lied Roses by the Wall, the Bloom of the Hawthorn, the Sweet Strains of Music, and aught else that I may be desired to figure to each other ; the Lastingncss and Beauty of their Love." i "Item. To Young Men jointly I devise and bequeath all Boisterous. Inspiring Sjiorts of Rivalry, and 1 ? give to them the Disdain of Weak ness, and Undaunted Confidence in Their Own Strength. Though they are rude, I leave to them the Power to Make Lasting Friend>hi|>s and ot Possessing Companions, and to them ? exclusively I give all Merry Songs and Brave Choruses to sing with lustv voices." "Item. And to Those Who Are no Longer Children or Youths or Lovers I leave Memory, and I be queath to them Volumes of the Poems of Burns and Shakespeare and of Other Poets, if there be others, to the end that they may live the old days over again, freely and fully without tithe or diminution." "Item. To our Loved Ones with Snowy Crowns, I bequeath the Happiness of Old age, the Love and Gratitude of their Children until they fall asleep." There are 30 different kinds of new roses for this year alone in Eng land, where rose culture abounds. In order to do a thing once some people have to do it twice. ABOUT ADTO LICENCES SOMETHING INTERESTING FOR AUTO MOBILIANS IN GENERAL 'Morgantown has the distinction of assessing the highest automobile license tax in the world and of hav ing the lowest speed limit in the world," said the motorist who had just drawn city license tag No. 13, and was prepared for any sort of trouble that might come, "it is the only city in the world where the tars stop on tec wrong side of the street crossing, but that he has nothing to do with the license <iues tion," he continued. " Wonder why they didn't keep number 12 tag as a nest-egg?" he pondered nudiblv. Think of planking down .$5.50 for the city and ; double that sum for the county for the privilege of carry ing JS on a nickel plate. It's awful the way- they soak us. The other day it cost a Pennsylvania man just SlG.OO for the privilege of riding in from Cheat and driving down High street to the hotel. Of course, he, had the money and could stand it. but that don't make it any better from the standpoint of the men who; do the hold-up. 'West Virginia don't recognize the liceuse of any other state, and the consequence is that a West Virginian who wants to make a little dash into Pennsylvania, Maryland, Ohio ,,r \ irginia, or Kentucky, has to plank up as soon as he crosses the state line. Pennsylvania has a license law that goes into effect next year, but it does not help West Virginians. We don't recognize their license, and they pay no attention to ours. The West Virginian who goes into the Keystone State under the happy de lusion that his license is good for a tour, is scheduled for a jolt in the way of a hundred dollar fine. That "s straight. Ohio, New York, Mary land and New Jersey licenses are good there, but West Virginian's don t go. We soak them, and thev don't recognize us. New Jersey whacked on the license tax until tourists were driven to select a different route in getting into New York City. It used to be that hundreds of machines went through Jersey every day into the metropolis. Now they keep on the Pennsylvania syle until they cross the line into New York State. A New Jersey court recently handed down an interesting decision on the auto license question. The court found that the purpose of the license and the tagging of machines was for the identification of thedriver, and that the amount of the license fee should not be in excess of the cost of registration and tagging. The jurists thought two dollars was about the proper charge. You see, the machines are taxed just the same as other nropertv. The license gives them no extra privileges and of course, it is not right to assess the double tax. Interferes with interstate com merce: W hy, yes, it seems to, and some day the constitutionality of this enormous license fee will be tested. I hat New Jersey court said that the license tax was simply a police regu lation. and that the charge should not be in excess at the cost. And thecourt was right. It may be some satisfaction for them to know it. Pass the information along, will you? ' GREENBRIER DER PARKS. Many of our readers will be sur prised to learn that there are two deer-parks in this county, savs the Greenbrier Independent, Dr. W. H. 1 MeClung. of Meadow Bluff district. is the enterprising gentleman who own them. High wire fences pre vent the deer from escaping. He has or rather had at the beginning ofthe year, eight deer?two bucks and six ? does. 1 he does now have fawns, but how many the Doctor is unable to tell, for they are so well hidden j that he has so far been unable to see them, file deer are apparently hap- j py and countered in their cnclos- j urcs, and we hope the Doctor will j reap pecuniary compensation in ad- ! iition to the pleasure and gratifica- '? tion afforded in caring for and rear ing them. The chronic talker is usuallv a chronic kicker. ; THAT INVENTORY: ? WHAT CAME OF A HURRY ? ? ????????? ' By LEAH INGERSOLL. [Copyright. 1S03. by American Press Asso ciation.] The Chamberlain*, desiring to spend n longer season than usual In tbe coun try oa account of Mrs. Chamberlain's health, had decided to rent their town house furnished. The tenants, whom the agent re;?rtej to be an old couple, demanded that there be an Inventory, stipulating that they would send a man to compare It with the articles be fore It was signed. Mrs. Chamberlain. being an Invalid, was hurried off by her physician, leaving her daughter. Eelle. to turn over the premises and take a latei train. The tenants bad agreed to send a man to make the com parisu.-i at 11 o'clock. At 1- he had not appeared. Belle, desiring to leave the city at -I. became Impatient. Just as she was about to telephone to tbe agfnt an inquiry as to the delay there was a ring at the bell. Sli>- opened the door, and there stood a young man. He was about to say something when she forestalled him: "You're late. There Is tv> hours' work to do. I must leave her- at 3." She led the way Into the library, took a documeut from a desk an.; contin ued: "Here's tbe Inventory and Lore's a , pencil. As I point out the articles check thein. We'll begin v th the drawing room." The man took what she offefd him and followed her. Ouce In thr draw ing room she began to call oJ hi "a businesslike tone: "One rug SslO, one rug 2x4. one rug 0x5. one piaao. one sofa," and so on till she nad enumer ated every article In the room. Then she started for the nest apartment. Before beginning the checking again the young man said: "jlave you ever attended a business college?" "Xft Why do you ask:" "I never knew a girl so business tike." "One easy chair, one lounge, one ma hogany desk"? "I beg pardon! Are you sure that desk Is mahogany?" he asked. "Of course 1 am." "I old not understand that the ma terial In tlv articles was to be speci fied. Suppose I were to certify that the desk Is mahogany and It should l irn out to be black walnut'-" "Suppose the tenants." said B-tle. with an ominous flash In her -.ye. "were to send a dunce to compare the list." "That depends upon what cofti tutes a dunce. My detlnition of duice Is one who certifies to that which he doesn't know." "Do you mean to tell me that - ou don't know mahogany from black val nut?" "I question If I could tell mahogmy from rosewood." Belle was rapidly getting out of )a tlence. She glanced at a clock on tie mantel "Are you quite sure you could ti'l the difference between a rose and i thistle?" "(julte sure. 1 would no more blun der between a thistle and a rose than j I would mistake myself for you." Belle gave him another quick glance ?a somewhat different one. "Are you aware that 1 have Just so much time and no more to get through this work?" "The more reason why you should not spend it at such a ridiculous task." "Well, upon my word: Did Mr. and Mrs. Ulddleton send you here on this business to sjiond your time criticising them?" "It Is Mrs. Ulddleton who has insist ed on this Inventory. She Is a nerv ous. fitful, fretful old woman." Belle stood ready to burst with ir ritation and Indignation. "Well, I declare!" she said. "What am I to do? An Inventory to be com pared, and the person sent to compare it thinks he knows more about Its necessity than"? ? I "You v. ish to leave at 3. It Is now L Suppose we put the Inventory on the floor and walk over it. That will enable me to report to Mrs. Itiddleton that we have 'gone-over it.' We can then sit down and spend the time from now till 3 in a quiet chat" Belle was so full of astonishment, not to say couteinpt, for this method of evading a duly that she could not find words for some time. Then she said: "You are so clever at inventing sub terfuges [wrhaps you can Invent some way to let me out of this business. If asked about the matter I shall tell the truth, you may be sure of that" "You will not be asked about it, for It shall cease to exist." lie threw the Inventors' Into a tire burning on the hearth. "Upon my word! Did ever any one , see such lmpudencc in an"? "A what?" "Cnderstrapper." "Where are the leases?" "Here on the desk. Father has signed them. The tenant Is to sign and forward them." He went to the desk, took op one of two leases and wrote opposite the seal "Walter B. Itiddleton." Belle looked at It, then at him, a ray of light breaking upon her brain. "Is It you or I," she said presently, "that has been making a"? "No fool Killer required in this In stance, f assure you. I am the lessee. My mother simply lives with mo. You were In a hurry and didn't give me time to tell you who I was>" "The agent reported"? "The agent was mistaken." They consumed the two hours chat ting and eventually spent their lives together. Unpardonable Crime of th. Vet. wan Boarder In His Youth. ^ never had but one row in a boirr? i' house, said the veteran boarder, "and that I brought on zny , "In. thif hou^e we eertainlr did have tough steak. Where they got V,Ter^ 1 t(> thbk bought the sole leather rem nants from a trunk factorv there was then aooat four blocks from our house and cooked them for steak. . thut, 85 11 may, the weak was wWt ?vnC ni?ht I conceived fan en thouSht U'M a felicitous ? have seen those knives with t 1Do edge on one side and saw teeth on the other? Thev sell 'em to housewives for cutting" off slice* ,0t ham> the knife to cut and the saw to saw the bone. Well, in my y<xi th ai foolishness I bought one of '^,saw" k^ves and tcok it home, and the next night we had steak for dinner I took it down and laid if , m? Plate on the table, and it made a sensation. "When my piece of steak came in I tried it first with the knife side of my saw knife, but there was noth ing doing. nn| then I turned the | Q o.er and tried the saw side, and I gawed ard sawed and sawed away bending down over the plate | and beansg on and sawing hard. wV + -a s!ttm5 around nv ta and-_?PPlllg Cat'n? and lookin? on, ? ? vere. a!1 having lots of fun, and then without any warning the i an came in. Siie came in and stood alongside of me. all without my knowing, with me keepin" rWjt on sawing, and then she touched me on the shoulder, and I looked up. tn h the whole dining room now looking on. and then she stood thei ? and looked down at mc?just looked at me. that was ail-but the look she gave in? was enough, a great plenty. I pat down the saw. "I hoped it would end thtre?I had put away the saw knife for irood ?but it didn't. It was on a Thurs day that I performed mv great feat ior the amusement of mv table an 1' on Saturday, when I j,aid Inv board for the week, the kndladv eoldlv in formed roe that my rooin had been rented to a boarder who would take possession of it the next morning. Sunday, and that day I had to .-end loosing for another boarding place which was not at all funnv "It-is difficult to find anything perfect all the way through. Tou<*h as the steak undoubtedlv was. nv room had always been kept in the pink of order, and I certain!-.- did hate to leave it. Kt,t fnr such a crime as mine there could be no sus pension of sentence, for. as even boarder should know, there" is one thing that no landlady will stand tor. Whatever it may be, she will " ??? iiu. ? U'J, cilO \? iJ no4EtrJ "laki^r 'ua of her table." ?Boston Herald. The Kind. A Sunday school superintendent wanted to "show off" the intelli gence of his pupils to h visitin" delegation on the platform, so he smiled at the school and said: "Now. cnildren. tell our friends here what kind of people go to heaven. Xow. who onii tell?" ,?aV ,cp-i(1 Tommy?"the dead snes. ?Ladies' Ilome Journal. Gj'.tinc His Monoy't Worin. "Siitane shiilun's a da did they charrge ir.e for my room at the hotel in Lunnon!" roared Sandy indig nantly on his return to Croburch Burghs from a sightseeing espedi tion. "Ou. aye, it wasna cheap." agreed his father, "but ye must 'a* had a gey fine time seein' the sicht?." "Seein' the sicht-!" roared Sandy. "I didna see a sicht a' the time I was in Lunnon! Hon. moa. ye di> na suppose I was going to be stuck that much for a room an' then no pet the proper use o't?"?London Scraw. A iarmer living in a wet and late district in the east of Scotland found times and seasons so against him that he decided not to renew his lease. Meeting his landlord the other day, he said: "I can mak' nothin o' sic wat and ?our land, and I'm no' goin' on wi't, or 111 be ruined.'" "Well. John, take time to think o't," said the landlord: "no doubt we'll bo able to come to terms. I might lot you have the farm at a re duction on the acre." "Ah, laird/" re: iied the farmer, "'your land should be let by the eal lnn, no' by the acre!"'?London Standard. , A Fishakin Surt. 3, The skin of a fish does not sug gest itself a; a suitable material for the racking of clothes, yet it is used for this p'.:rpo-e by a tribe of Tar tars in Manchuria. They inhabit the banks of the Peony river and live by fishing and hunting. During the last hundred years they have be come near!" extinct, owing to the invasion of their demain by agri cultural Chinese. They are known as Fishskin Tartars. The fish they use i- the tamara. a spt^ies of salm on. Both flesh and skin oi tills fish are suppo-cJ to possess wonderful heat giving properties, ? London Globe. jT" The safety, comfort and conveni ?i fac- ?'? sc!:d top. ctcced sn brccch and side ejection features ~rc combined *A:th the quick, easy Per fall <?c*criptlcn cf waters, test C-t Otlr ZZS-pr.ee cutttjc;:. Ma?Ie<2 frc? for 3 staopa soar^ce. ESTABLISHED 1862 THE REGISTER. ONE DOLLAR A YEAR. CIRCULATION. 2,000. EVERYBODY READS IT. Will Alwavs be Found Pulling for tbe Best That is Cood for our Town, Count)' and State. Chamberlain's COLIC, CHOLERA AND Diarrhoea Remedy U a reliable, pleasant and >afe "emedy for bowel complaints loth in children and adults. Buy i now, it may save life. W. H. BOGGESS, EXPERT PIANO TUNER AND REPAIRER. LEAVE ORDERS WITH L. SHIFLET JOHN H. HUGHES GROCERY Cor. First and Decatur Streets would like to have a |u?rt of youi trade. We handle a full line of FRESH GROCERIES, VEGETABLES AND PRODUCE all the time. Send in your order. We will appreciate it. Everything in the printing line a I the Register office.