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« Ehe New Wommww «-.·-——— DEVOTED TO THE INTERESTS OF MOXONCiALIA COUNTY. VOLUME II SL MORGANTOWN, W. VA„ SA I'URDAY. Al'RII, 7. 1877. M MBEIl ‘25. El EH l YEAH, I ■ V ALBERT Pl*fc TV® spring has less of brightness, Every year, And the snow a ghastlier whiteness, f Every year; Nor do summer’s flovm quicken, Nor autumn's fruitage thicken As they once did, for we sick* n Every year. It is growitg » tar, colder, Evei y year, As th* hear* aud soul grow old#', Every year I care not now for dascing.i ^ Or for eyes with passion glancitg— Love is less and lew cjUrandy^^ Of the lovee and sorrows blended, Every year, Of the j«y» of friendship ended, Every year; Of the ties tbs still night bind me, Untii timetodiath resigned me, My infirmities remind me, Every year. Oh! how sad to look before us, Every year, While the cionds grow darker o’er us, Every year! When we see the blossoms faded, That to bloom we might have aided. And immortal garlands braided. Every year. To the past go more dead faces, Every year; Come no new ones in their places, Every year. Everywhere the sad eyes meet us, In the evening’s dusk they greet us, And to come to them entreat us, Every year. “ You are growing old,” they tell us, “ Every year ; You are more alone,” they tell us, " Every year. You can win no new affection, You have only recollection, Deeper sorrow and dejection, Every year.” Thank God ! no clouds are shifting, Every year. O’er the land to which we’re drifting, Every year. No losses there will grie e us, Nor loving faces leave us, Nor death of friends bereave us, Every year. Jir BVNBA? It’N NBVONB ttt t f. Mt husband came tenderly to my L “ Are you going out this evening. 1 loye?” 1 looked down complacently at my dress of pink crape, dew-dropped over with crystal, and the trails azalea* that caught upjt* X)lds here and | 'there. -V*dTam >nd del encircled one round, white arm ail'd a little cross blazed fitfully at my throat. I Ha1 never looked better, and 1 felt r. sori, of | girlish pride aa my eye met the fair reflection in my polished mirror. “ Come, Gerald, make haste! Why, you haven’t begun to dress yet? ” Where were my wifely instincts, that I did not see the haggard look on his features—the fevered light in his eyes? “I cannot go to-night, Madeline; I am not well enough.” “ You are never ‘ well enough’ to oblige me, Gerald. 1 am tired of being put ofl with excuses.” He made no answer, but dropped his head in his bands upon the table before him. [ “Uh, come, ueraiu, 1 urgeu j lantly, “ it is so awkward for me to go i alone always.” He shook his head listlessly. “ I thought perhaps that you would 1 b$ willing to remain at home with oie, Madeline.” “Men are so selfish!’’] said plain tively; “and I am well dressed Claudia took half an hour for my hair. ; I dare say you’ll be a great deal quieter here without me—that is, if you are j determined not to go.” No answer again. “ Well, if you choose to be sullen, I can’t help it,” I said lightly, as I turned and went out of the room,adjusting my bouquet-holder, the tube-rose and helio tropes seeming to distil incense at ! every motion. Was I heartless and cruel? Had I ceased to love my husband? From the bottom of my heart I believed that 1 loved him as truly and tenderly as ever wife did ; but I had been so spoiled and petted all my life, that the better in stincts were, so to speak, entombed alive. I went to the party and had my fill of adulation and homage, as usual. The hourB seemed to glide away, shod with roses and winged with music and perfume; and it was not until, wearied with dancing, I sought a momentary refuge in the half-lighted tea-room, that I heard words wakening me, as it were, from a dream. "Gerald Glen!” I could not be well mistaken in the name—it was scarcely common-place enough for that. They were talking two or three business-like looking gen tlemen—in the hall without, and 1 could catch, now and then, a fugitive word or phrase. “ Fine, enterprising, young fellow!”— “Great pity!”—“Totally ruined, so Bees & McMorken sayReckless extravagance of his wife.” And these vague fragments I heard; and Borne one said, “ And what is ^ goiue to do now ?” “ What can he do? Poor fellow! I am truly sorry; but he should have calculated his income and hiB expenses more accurately.” “ Or his wife should. Oh, these women! they are at the bottom of all a man’s t oubles.” And they laughed. Oh, how could they. / had yet to learn bow easy it is, in this world, to hear other people's troubles. I rose hurriedly uj^ with my heart heating tumultuously beneath my pink °ttlea», and went back to the lighted i loon Albany Moort was waiting to claim my hand for the feat dance. “ Are you ill, Mrs. Glen? How pale you look.” “ 1—1 am not very Vell> 1 wish you would have my carriage called for me, Mr. Moore." For now 1 felt that^ home was the proper place for me! Hurried by some unaccountable im pulse, 1 sprang out the moment the carriage wheel touched 'he curbstone, and rushed up to my husband’s room. The door was locked ; but I could see a light Bhining faintly under the thresh old. I knocked wildly and persist ently. “Gerald! dear Gerald! for heaven’s sake, let rae in!’’ Something fell on the marble hearth stone within, making a metallic clink, aud my husband opened the door a lit- . tie way. I had never seen him look so pale before, or so rigid, yet so deter mined. “ Who are you ?” he demanded wildly. “ Why can not you leave me alone in peace ?” “ It is I, Gerald—your Madeline-- your 1 own little wife.” And I caught from his hand the pistol [ be was striving to conceal in his breast— ' its mate lay on the marble hearth, under the mantel—and flung it out of the win low. “ Gerald, would you have left me?” “ I would have escaped 1” he cried, still half delirious, to all appearance. “ J — disgrace — misery—her reproaches 1 All I should have escaped I” His head fell like that of aweary child on my shoulder. 1 drew him gently to a sofa, and soothed him with a thousand murmured words, a thousand mute ca resses ! For had it not been altogether my fault? Aud through all the long weeks that followed, I nursed him with unwavering oare aud devotion. I had but one thought —one desire—to redeem myself in hiBes timation; to prove to him that I was something more and higher than the te’e i’n^; ter fly of fashion I had hitherto bowed myself.^ Wcl!, the? March winds hail nowiea .hemselves away into their mountain astnesses; the brilliant April rain-drop# Vi-re dried on bough and spray ; and now he apple-blossom# were tossing their ragrant billows of pinky bloom in the leep blue air of latter May. Where were we now ? It was a picturesque little villa, not far out of London, furnished very like a Magnified baby-house. Gerald sat in a cushioned oaav chair in the garden, just where he could glance through the open window at me, working busily with my needle. “ What an industrious fairy it is 1” he laid, smiling sadly. “ Well, you see I like it! It’s a great deal better than those sonatas on me piano!” “ WTho would ever have thought that you would make so notable a little house keeper ?” I laughed gleefully ; I had all a child’s delight in being praised. II Are you not going to Miss Delaieey’s croquet party ?” he asked. “No; what do 1 care for croquet parties? I am goiDg to finish your shirts, and you’ll read aloud to me.” “ Madeline, I want you to answer me one cuestion.” “ What is it ?” “ What have you done with your dia monds?” “ I sold them long ago; they paid sev eral heavy bills, besides settling half a year’s rent here.” “ But, Madeline, you were so proud of your d.amonds.” “ I was once ; now they would pe the bitterest reproach my eyes could meet. Oh, Gerald, had I been less vain, and thoughtless, and extravagant—” I chocked myself, and a robin, sing ing in the perfumed depths of apple blossoma, took the dropped current of sound. “ That’s right, little red-breast,” said my husband, half-jokingly, “ talk her down! she has forgotten that our past is dead and gone, and that we have turned over a nsw page in the Book of Exist ence ! Madeline, do you know how I feel sometimei. when I look at you ?” “No!” “ Well, I feel like a widower who has married igain!” “ Like a widower who has married again, Girald 1” “ Yes; I can remember my first wife— a brilliaH, thoughtless child, without any idee beyond the gratification of present whims — a spoiled plaything! Well, that little Madeline has vanished away into the past somewhere; she has gone awaj to return no more; and in her stead I tehold my second wife—a thoughtful! tender woman, whose watch ful love »',rrounds me like an atmos phere, whose character grows more noble, and developes itself into new depth and beauty eve;y day 1” I was kneeling at his side, now, with my ehee| ' upon his arm, and my eyes looking ito^his. And fhi ch do you love best, Gerald —the firy,oli second wife?” “I thi i|the trials and vicissitudes through j Men we have passed are wel (v come, indeed, since they have brought me, as their harvest fruits, the priceless treasure of my second wife!" This was what Gerald answered me— the sweetest words that ever fell upon my ear. A ft range &toru- hut True ISt. Paul Plouwr Prsaa.l The experiences of Jonas Nilson, a lumberman, which are now briefly to he related, will be regarded extravagant and extraordinary, but they are never theless true in all essential partictulars. It appears that during the past winter Nilson ha<i been employed at one of the lumbering camps, until about three weeks ago, whea a portion of a tree fell on him while he was engaged at chopping in the woods, inflicting injuries which were believed to be tatal lrorn the first. Nilson was carried to the camp by his companions, and after a period of ex treme suflering he began to fail, finally becoming unconscious, pulseless, and with the pallor of death overspreading ! his countenance. The men at the camp naturally con cluded that their unfortunate companion and associate was dead, as no sign of life could be detected. The body of the supposed dead man was placed in the only coflin which could be had at the camp—a long dry box—and the remaini were sent by wagon to the nearest rail road station, and from thence forwarded to an old personal friend of Niison’s, a gentleman tamed John Peterson, who resides near the brick-yard, in this city, The body, after arriving in Minnea)>olia, was conveyed to the residence of Mr. Peterson,accordingto directions,but was kept for two days in order to complete the preparations for a decent burial. While lying in the rude coffin at the residence of Mr. Peterson another old ac quaintance called to see the uody of his dead friend, and during his stay he gave the corpse a close and critical examina tion. Something about it produced a profound impression upon the visitor, and he suddenly looked up with a pleased but startled expression and exclaimed, “ Why, Jonas Nilson is not dead !” While the majority of those present did not place any special confidence in the gen tleman’s pleasant remark, all agreed that an attempt to bring the body to life I would not do any harm, even if it failed in accomplishing any actual good. NibJ son’s body was lifted from the coffin, : placed in a comfortable bed, and such restorative, as were available and sugges- j live were administered. Under the treat- j ment a trace of life’s healthy blood re- j vealed itself on the pallid surface of the body, and by the end of two hours, the eyes of the supposed dead man gradually ! opened anil rested upon those present, | with the rays of returning consciousness and intelligence plainly discerned by the bystanders. The astonishment and joy of his friends was so great that at first no one ventured to speak to the resurrected lumberman, but at last one of those pres ent ventured the question : “ Nilson, are you cold ?” Without moving his body, but with his eyes resting on the inter locutor, Nilson faintly answered with the single word, “Yes.” The friends thus strangely assembled together redoubled their exertions, and a physician was sum moned. Nilson was made as warm and comfortable as possible, and since the date of his resuscitation, the attention bestowed upon him has been tender and unremitting, and he is responding to the friendly offices of those around him with evidence of gradual but certain improvement. The strange trance which was re garded as the sign of final dissolution by his friends of the camp and city, con tinued for a period of two weeks: aud one of the most astonishing features of the case is that Jonas Nilson was not prematurely buried and thus “ disposed of” in earnest. Physicians and others who may fee! an interest in the remark- ! able case above recorded can verify the statements made or obtain additional particulars by calling at the residence of Mr. Peterson in the locality indicated. The story, incredible as it may appear to the public, is substantially true, the only ; exceptions possibly being in minor points , not affecting the general accuracy of a narrative which must confound both ; wisdom and science, as one of the most I curious on record. “ Gone.” A man calling himself Abel Storm, and claiming to hail from Chicago, reg istered at one of the Detroit hotels five or six days ago, and gave ou that he wanted to buy a house and lot. He was supposed to have cash, and to be a square man; but finally the landlord was convinced to the contrary. The guest slid out at an early hour without being seen, and an old suit 01 clothes was stufied up and laid across the bed in his room to deceive the chambermaid. l«ghe was deceived until noon, when the clerk went up and discovered the cheat. ! An old paper collar was pinned to the effigy, and the clerk read the penciled ! message: • “ Use this man gently. He can’t j stand grief. For further particulars j -»e small bills.” I Hb was sitting silently,by her side one chilly evening last Autumn, thinking o something to say. Finally he remarked: “ How sad it is ; the frost has come, and it will kill everything green.” There upon the young lady extended her hand said in a sympathetic tone, “ Good by'‘ A Scrap or Recent History. iChirvfO TimeH.J II any man in the American Republic is entitled to place faith in the heathen ish doctrine ot a lucky star, that man is Rutherford I?. Hayes. He has risen to his present eminence by a succession of lucky chances. F,ate has crowned him. In the war, a thousand colonels were as j brave and efficient as he. Save for his ( wounds common enough in those days, ( his military service was in no way dis tinguished. He did util attain national \ reputation as a soldier. Beaten only 1 once for Congress, in the two terms he did serve there was nothing in his career i to signal him out from the common herd upon the tioor. He might have been Gov- | eruor ot Ohio through a hundred terms . and never have been thought of for ■ the Presidency but for the, to him, happy combination of circumstances which rendered it absolutely necessary to the defeat of Blaine that his opponents in the Cincinnati Convention should unite U)>on a man who had uot been identified with the struggle for the prize. His luck did not desert him after the nomination, i It is highly probable that any other Re- i publican, at least any mentioned prom- I inently for the Presidency, would have been defeated beyond the nope of return- j ing-board resurrection. Alter the elec tion, with the majority of the people against him and having but a minority ot the electoral college, his lucky star led him into the white house with a title to its tenancy which his opponent did not formally dispute. Hayes, in his various personal successes of a public kind, was indebted more to circumstances and to his negative good ness than to positive merit. Thus so in consequential a thing as.the Bible in or rather out of the sch.iols, contributed in directly hut positively tohis nomination to the Presidency. The reasoning in suj> port of this assertion is not too fanciful, it may he assumed with something of 'ertainty that if Hayes had not been Gov- ' ?rnor of Ohio in 1870, with prestige of 1 laving beaten and succeeded William Allen, he would uot have been thought j >1 for the Cincinnati nomination. How tame he by the Ohio nomination in 1876? He had been Governor before and was n excellent standing with his party in he State, hut according to one ol those bargains which have no binding force in “ither law or ethics, but pass us obliga ,ions among politicians, on the principle if honor among thieves, he was not en titled to the nomination. He tail been a party to a promise .hat it should fall to TaH, who was in the field soliciting it, and who in previous campaigns, if we re member, had made way for Hayes. But it was feared that Taft was uut the man lo beat Allen, and (lie retention of Ohio in the Republican column for 187G de |iendcd upon wresting the State from die control of that statesman. The l’o|ie’s Toe had been thrust into the lanvass. It was claimed, absurdly mough, that the Catholic clergy were leeking to gain control ol the public ichool system. A part of the Itepubli- j tan plan was to pose as the champion ! if the public schools ami the implacable be of clerical interference in seen tar af fairs. The Protestant heart was to he ired. But Taft, it was felt, was not the man to bear aloft this standard. His leart was in the cause, hut—that but was one of those big-little things that lemagogues are always interposing with an air of great concern, not inmixed with mystery. It was noth ing more nor less than the fact that while upon the supreme bench of the state Taft had given a decision which wa« in accordance no less with the lew han with good sense and common hon ;sty. The school board of Cincinnati, ifter a long and rancorous agitation, had lecided to dispense with Bible-reading n the commou schools. Their power a.) do this was questioned in the courts, ind when it reached the tribunal upon which Taft sat he saw no difficulty in ietermining that the action of the board was wholly within its discretion. That was all. He did not even indulge the iictum that not only had the board ;he power to exclude the Bible, but that ;t was but exact fairness to the Papists, ’ree-thiukens, Israelites, Mohammedans, Spiritualists, and the various sects of Protestanism supporting the schools, to sxrecise it. But it was enough for the puri tan element of the Western Reserve that tie had gone so far. In the intensity of their bigotry they could not see that raft had done nothing but his obvious iuty. They insisted that such a recreant should not lead them in an encounter with the emissaries of Catholicism, ind it was speedily apparent tnat not withstanding the bargains of the siate makers, to which Hayes was a party, Taft could not secure the nomination. Seeing himself that this was so, Taft with drew in favor of Hayes, who, as an advo cate of the policy of having no one’s re ligion but yourown in the public schools, or, rather, as one who hadn’t any record on the subject, was unanimously chosen. Thus it was that the Pope’s big toe aided in elevating Mr. Hayes to the Presi dency. __ nhat it Meang. i.Ofncinnati .tnquiror.j The Southern policy of the Republi can party is a confession of guilt. It is an admission of hypocrisy. It is an apparent acceptance of the Democratic idea of the Southern situation. It is an advertisement of the falsehood on which the Republicans conducted their canvass. It is begcing the question. It is an abandonment of the stock in trade of the Republican party for the last ten years. It is an announcement that the party that stole the Presidency is indebted for what votes it did receive to an infamously false pretense. It ad vertises the Republican party asa party led by liars who are followed by bigots. Above all, if there is any virture, mixed with > intelligence, in the American people, it is the annihiltion of the Re publican party. Ii will be remembered that t'ns Repub licans in the last Presidential canvass had really but one cry—that of sec tionalism. The “Solid South'’ was the battle-cry. The war was fought once again. It was to defeat the “Solid South,” to shut out every man south of Maaon’s line from power in the Federal Government, that the Republicans ol A. the North were asked to vote for Mr. Hayes. There were the “ rebel claims.” Tbe-e was “ Andersonville.” There was the "unextinguished hostility” of the white people of the South to the black race. There was the enmity of every Southern Democrat to the Union. It was not vet safe to intrust power to any of them. These were the propositions on which the Republican parly went before the people, and on these they were beaten. Being beaten, and being oompelled to steal the Presidency, they abandoned them, confessing themselves to be liars. There is not an issue the Republicans at tempted to raise in the last, canvass which their dc facto President has not acknowledged to be false, which the present policy of the Republican party lias not pronounced a slander upon the South and upon the Democratic party of the country. Mr. Hayes says that he is bound to accept the professions of the Democrats of Louisiana as sincere, when they give assurances of friendli ness and fair treatment toward the col ored people of that State, and this is done under the direction of abler men who have become his advisers. There is no complaint of maltreatment or of un equal treatment of tho negroes save in these States. When Hayes heard that those three States had given Democratic majorities, had elected their own Democratic Slate Governments, and had by the same token defeated Mr. Hayes, he isrtqiorUd to have said that he didn’t care for him self, buthe uxu sorry for the poor blacks of those States. Since, by the aid of Returning Boards, and an eight-to seven commission, Hayes has been in augurated President dc facto, be has announced thnt he shall pursue a policy of complete non-intprvention in those States. He will leave the people to take care of themselves, and he has now im plicit confidence in the conscientious desire of the Democrats of Louisiana, and, of course, of all other Southern States, to do justice to the colored people of the South. This is the change of base, the flank movement, the abandonment of the party shiblndetb, the confession of dishonor. The Republican party now goes before the country with no winning issue it has not borrowed from the Democratic party. It gives up the ghost and becomes Demo cratic in the South, still hoping to remain Republican in the North. The abandon ment of the Republican policy in the South by an Administration that stole its power will be fatal to its power in the North. It has held the North together, almost, by that accursed yell since the war. The party, with indecent ami impol itic haste, on reaching power, spurns that nar-Jry, and denounces It as heeesy. What, then, does this abandonment mean? If the quarrel it creates does not promptly disrupt the Republican parly, and that is not probable in view of the cohesive power of the public I spoils, of the questions it expels from | public notice and political harangue, it means lifting into prominence the fun damental question of free government. Then Massachusetts herHelf is a Demo cratic .State. Massachusetts is the home of the town-meeting, and when the or ganic law of a free government is con sidered and voted on all New England is Democratic. Up< n all the public questions that can arise outside of the bigotry touching the Houthern ques tior., the Democratic party lias the con fidence and the votes of the country; it is the party of the people. As the Republican party has admitted the rot tenness of the foundation on whiclt it has been resting for several years, this means that the Democratic party is the party of the future, as it was for the most part, the dominant party in the country for three score years. This strange Republican compliment to its policy, to its honesty, to its patriotism, this acknowledgement that all the essen tial things the Democratic party said in the recent campaign was true, cannot weaken it in the respect of the Ameri can people. The meaning is that when the Republican party threw away the bloody shirt it threw away its all. Jim Blaine Taken Off. | A. <J. B., Washington Capital,1 Would any solemn old Senatorial pump stand sponsor for Stanley Mat thews’s dispatch? Show him the son of a gun 1 But none of the old pumps re sponded. They were past the time of life when it is considered necessary to knock chips off the shoulders of small boys. Poor Blaine? He couldn’t even find a windmill to tilt against; for he was the only one in the Senate, and it is written that no windmill can tilt against itself. Suppose some Tipperary Irishman should waltz into the Vatican some morning with about six inches of his coat-tail dragging on the floor and in vite any spalpeen in the august college of Cardinals to tread on them—“just trid on the tip ind av wan ay thim?” Or imagine a rebust Wm, goat trying to rovokea hitching post to mortal com at. It is a long time since anything has been so utterly absurd as Blaine’s efforts to ' make a Donnybrook of the Fog-bank. I am sorry for Jim. He is out of hie line of business. He should imme diately resign from the iienate and get back to the House where the boys will always be fonnd ready to whoop it up for him. They never have any rows in the Senate—except in executive session; and what would Blaine give for a row when there are no boys or niggers in the gallery, and where no report of his great speech could be printed in the news papers. ___________ Over nine hundred horses, six hun dred and forty-three asses and thirty-five mules were eaten in France last year The first horse-butchery was established in 1866, and the consumption of thii savory meat has increased yearly. Thi h< althy carcass is worth $40. The “ Thieves’ Own Association,” j I the name of a few Society in New Oi leans, which is composed entirely of co ored females. The object of the Societ is to hire out as servants and disappet suddenly with such “wnconsider* trifles ” as they conveniently can. InoppnrtHnr ftrrolt*. fNt'w York (mlt’fTrml Ailvi'rtlw'r.J Revolts tiro constantly put down and constantly revived in Japan in these i times, and hardly a steamer has arrived I From Yokohama during the last twe' v months without bringing the news of a fresh insurrection. This is so much more to lie regretted, because Japan was entering into a new line ol policy of in dustrial progress, and because the United States was the country especially called to profit by the development of that Eastern brother whom we lead by the hand in the path of civilization. Revolts are breaking out in Japan at the very moment when the Government continues to labor zealously at the work of internal reform. It is now giving much atten tion to sheep farming, and has again sent the Superintendent of the estab lishment formed for that purpose, Mr. Ap Jones, to the United States, where General JSaigo recently acted as Com missioner to the Philadelphia Ex hibition. New linesof railway are to be begun tins year, great mineral treasures ; have been discovered by the German traveler, Von Eichlofen, and the treaty concluded with Corea has already proved very advantageous to that State, as it has enabled large stores of rice to lie sent there at a tune when the popula tion is suffering from famine. Is all this progress to lie delayed by the revolt, which has recently broken out again,and which is said to be led by the celebrated statesman and soldier, isaigo, eider brother of the recent Commissioner at our Exhibition? It appears ai quite certain that the insurgents this time be long, not to the agricultural classes, but to the old feudal nobility of the Samournis. These people have been de prived of their former privilege!, through the reforms operated by the Km pc or, after the downfall of the dualistic sys tem of the Mikado’s and Tycoon’s Gov ernment. Japan will have no rest as long as the Sainourais shall not have dis appeared, either through the process of law, or through their committing hari i kari, since they consider that mode of | suicide as one exclusively reserved for their noble caste. Clam Shell. [han Franclart) Midi.) A regular meeting of the Academy of I Hoieuces wan held on Monday night. Mr. i HofftT, tftBtdfftafl orttrr tr*aminw ttf thf Society, arose and said: “ There’s a very interesting shell here. I s’pose it belongs to the Chiomecetes Behring bums, but I don’t quite know.” Then an old gentleman, with military whiskers and a cane jumi>ed up,. a,|d litid: “You’re wrong, sir. Them shells is loxorhynchus grandjs, an’ 1 struck ’em in the Colorado desert. Home say they’re libinia allinis, but i don’t agree with ’em.” Mr. Holler (witli heat)—The shells are evidently of the genus microrhyn chus. Old Gent—Wrong again, sir; the shells is without doubt loxorhyuchus. Mr. Hoffer—Sir, you are mistaken Any scientific man with ha1*' an eye can see that they are chiomecetes. Old Gent—What! Mr. Hoffer—Just what 1 said, and if | you will turn over them shells you will j observe certain streaks which show them to belong also to the pugettia gracillis. Old Gent—Oh, see here, a clam shell is a clam shell, an’ when I say a shell belongs to the herbst aparyfrons, I mean it. Mr. Hoffer—What’s that to the chor.1 ilia longides? Old Gent—The sycra auctif'rons. Professor Davidson—Come to order, gentleman. Order was obtained, and a motion of adjournment being put, was carried. Then the members went about among the pews arguing in a loud, angry, and threatening manner which shook up the bottled curiosities, and awoke the stuffed alligator to the extent that it fell against its glass case, and the crash of glass brought everybody back to the nine teenth century, and the consciousness that bills are an item of life. They took the Hint. An inside car full of travelers was toiling up one of the long hills in the County Wicklow. The driver leaped down from his seat in front, and walked by the side ot the horse. The poer beast toiled slowly and wearily, but the six in* sides were too busily engaged in conver sation to notice how slowly the car pro gressed. Presently the driver opened the door at the rear of the car and slammed it to again. The “insides” started, but thought the driver was only assuring himself the door was securely closed. Again the fellow repeated the same action; he opened the door and slammed it to again. The travelers turned around angrily, and asked why he disturbed them in that manner. “Whist,” whispered the fellow, “don’t spake so loud, she’ll overhear us.” “ Whc isshe?” “The mare. Spake low,” h« continued, putting his hand over his ; nose and mouth. “Sure, I’m decavin > the creature! Every time she hears the door slammln’ that way she thinks one o: yez is gettin’ down to walk up the hill, s and that rises her spirits.” The inaiden . took the hint. AI.LOH t'Ott THtC ( KAIII/.'' nr john a. *axk. You have often, no doubt, had occasion to note, Though the garment, at A rat, noemed certain t plWN, That, after some wearing, the aleeve of jeur coot Toward the ahc.ulder waa crawling, by eaay dogrt'ea ; And that'll what the clothier, of course, had in When he aaid to hla cuatocaar, " lrong?—-not at all I The alee?© la all right- as youMl presently tlod— In cuttlug a coat we allow for the crawl 1’* Thu eapreaston war on© wholly new to me then ; Hut It seta me a thinking how well it appliof. Not merely to coata hat to women and men. In matters of life as they daily arise; Consider ihe shrinkage of human sHairs— l he promise how great; the performance, how small! And lest (kisappotlitment should com© unawares, Itememlier the sleeve - and " allow for the crawl I'* Tiie>tat«sman who asks for your ballot to save Your country, so rashly Imperiled to-day. May covet an otttce and not be a knave, Whatever the tierce opposition may lay, Hut. the “ platform ” to which he, so valiantly clings, By which he propones to stand or to fall— '* llesolutlons," rememlier, are slippery things— And in'politics always " allow for the crawl l” You ore deeply iu love with the sweetest of girls, An angel! in hoops-only wanting the wings ! < If angels could purchase such beautiful curls) Like a seraph she smiles ; like a siren she sings! Ah ! spl ndld and vast are the fancies of youth; Hut down to plain facts they Anally fall; And happy thecouple who, Andlag the truth, In conjugal kindness, "allow for the crawl!'* In brief, recollect that In human affairs ; in social connections; In travel and trade; In courtship, and marriage; in sermons and prayers. Home grd is of concession must always be made, Iu tine, lie a prudent, though gererous man ; Unfriendly with nono, veracious with all; Heliuvu in your neighbors as much as you can ; And always lie sure to “ allow for the crawl I” - - -ai-L-'J.’gg 1BBBB PENVII* A N& nVMBBOM*. How to take life easy lx with petroleum oil. Koiikrt Collyek calit a misautbope “ a man who die* before he i* dead.1' A WIFE full of truth, innocence and love i* the prettiei-t Hower a man can wear next to hi* heart. Hknator Davis, of Hlim- (wsiigh* four hundred pound*), ha* jusi l>eeu surveyed for a new pair of spring panu. When a Mr Sword t.<<jk the vv. less stand in a 8t. Louis Inal the other day, the lawyer* at onc< proceeded to draw him out. Oil City Derrick A photographer who can make a mole ou^5 Jady’# cheek appear like a Hi. jdr iu lier pictiirc fcatt achieved the htguoat tandnrd o J hi* pi dr feiaion. We grieve tl.«t our day* are so inhar moniou*. Onr heart" are continually going in and out. Yesterday jostle* to-day, and to row will carry lhem both away captive. " Oh, wbet liecoinea," mid Chlo* I*lr,J “ 01 all the pine Ihat :.-om my hair 1 drop unheeded on the floor, And never mlsa or me them more 1" •' My dear,” aald Darwin, “ they all go Into our mother earth below ; There (heir development begins, And ending they are tem-plne.” —Buffalo Courier. “ Astonishing cure ior consump tion 1” a* the old lodging housekeeper said when she sprinkled her pumpkin pies with cayeDne pepper before putting them before the boarder*. When the *ea-shell is held up to the ear there is a peculiar vibratory noise which children assure each other is the roar of the Nea, however distant they may bo from it. Hold an old wash-dish up to your ear and the effect will be the same, The guf,ar season brings to mind the saying of John G. Baxe, fhat Vermont was rioted for four staple prt iucts—oxen, maple sugar, girls, and horse*: The lint ere etrong, TNe last ere fleet, The second end third exoeedingly eweel, And *11 uncommon herd to bent. '/Madam, did you ever lift a dog by .tail?” “ Why, no, you cruel thing, u.” “ I didn’t know, because 1 just saw u carry your little child aero** a gut ■ by one arm. A dog’s tail is a good si stronger than the ligament* of a byWioulder.” Eminent statisticians have calculated it the amodioUrf ingenuityandlabo^ pended b.v Impecunious topers in get g free drinks would, if devoted to y honorable and useful pursuit, pay off : National debt in a little less than six irs and eight months. Dentists have now learned to work lund a sensitive nerve without the rve having the most distant suspiokra it aiiy thing is going on, and can nx ict a throbbing molar so dexterously it the tooth sometime* keeps on ach 5 a day or two before it finds iteelf Several highly distinguished Euro pean officers, long investigating the strength of the T irkish army, state the* the official estimates are vastly ezag ated. The Turks really hare on Dauube frontier and in Bosnia and Herzegovinia 168,000 men, with, whr* seems hardly credible, 226 cannon. Th force they are preparing to etiengt) with a reserve of 25,000 men. They ha on the Asiatic frontier about 75,000 men and 120 cannon. Altogether, the numbers 259,009 men. It Is rumored that a number yers are about to organize th; info a company called "The ' -- Ooeajswy*?