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Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, February 21, 1906, Image 7

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RUMORED OF ROTARTY.
Priace Lon la of Battenberg haa »o
cther distinction besides that of haw
ing paid a dentist $1,000 for the filling
of four teeth. He is a printer and
can set up his 1,000 ems in very good
time.
Princess Ena of Battenberg. who is
reported to be engaged to the kiug of
Spain, is the only royal child born in
Scotland for more than 300 years—
that Is, since the birth of Charles I.
in 1G00.
Queen Aanarolo of Madagascar has
recently realized a long-cherished am
bition by paying a visit to Paris.
While there she enjoyed the felicity of
having her allowance Increased from
$G,000 to $10,000.
Among the celebrations connected
with the “name day” of Francis Jo
seph, of Austria, is the giving of
money to servants long in the service
of one family. Eleven women recei\ed
$05.00 each, and the others $41.50.
King Carlos of Portugal, an artist of
considerable ability, usually sends his
paintings as gifts. One recently pre
sented to the king of Italy Is so exe
cuted that In one position H represents
* sunrise on the sea, but, if turned
around, becomes a sunset on tue plain.
Queen Maud of Norway will need
little tuition in the speech of her new
realm, for she took to the Danish lan
guage with instinctive ease during her
glriuood. The differences between tha
two languages, botli in vocabulary and
pronunciation, are principally dialec
tic.
The German empress, in addition to
jewels worth $500,000 that are her
own private property, has the right to
use the splendid collection of gems
that belong to the Prussian treasury.
The empress is thus able to sometimes
appear at court wearing Jewelry vauei
at $1,250,000.
SAYINGS OF SAGES.
Glory should follow, not be pursued.—*
Ulny, Jr.
Benevolent feeling ennobles the most
trifling actions.—Thackeray.
The usual fortune of complaint is to,
excite contempt more than pity.—John
son.
A given force applied for a given time
upon a given point is bound to v:in.—
Napoleon.
Courage consists not in blindly over
looking danger, but in meeting It with
the eyes open.—Richter.
Character is a bundle of habits. Hab
its originate In the mind and are regis
tered on the body.—George D. Tripp!
Every person has two educations;
one which he receives from others and
one, more important, which he gives
himself.—Gibbon.
The mere lapse of years is not life;
knowledge, truth, love, beauty, good,
ness, faith alone can give vitality to
the mechanism of existence. —Marcus
Aurelius.
Half the sorrows of women would be
averted if they could repress the speech
they know to be useless—nay, I he speech
they have resolved not to utter.—George
Eliot.
WISPS OF WIT.
Nobody should look anxious except
those who have anxiety.
A man inay be what he thinks lie >3
and still not what he claims to be.
What we call the heart is a nervous
tensation, like shyness, which gradu
ally disappears in society.
Be frank and explicit. That is the
right line to take when you wish to con
ceal your own mind and to confuse that
of others.
OVER SEA HABIT.
Difference on This Side the Water.
The persistent effect upon the heart
of caffeine in coffee cannot but result
in the gravest conditions, in time.
Each ntlack of the drug (and that
means each cup of coffee) weakens the
organ a little more, and the end is al
most a matter of mathematical demon
stration. A lady writes from a West
ern state:
"I am of Herman descent and it waa
natural that I should learn at u very
early age to drink coffee. I'ntil I was
2.1 years old I drank scarcely anything
else at my meals.
"A few years ago I began to be af
fected by a steadily Increasing nerv
ousness, which eventually developed
Into a distressing heart trouble that
made nic very weak and miserable.
Then, some three years ago. was added
asthma in Its worst form. My suffer
ings from these things can be bet er
Imagined than described.
. “During all this time ruy husband
realized more fully than I did that eof.
fee was injurious to me, and made
every efTort to make me stop.
“Finally It was derided a few month!
ago to quit the use of coffee absolute
ly. and to adopt P os tuna Food Coffee
as our hot table drink. I had but little
Idea that it would help me, but con
sented to try It to please my husband
1 prepared It very carefully, exactly
according to directions, and was de
lighted with Its delicious flavor and
refreshing qualities,
“Just so soon as the poison from the
toffee had time to get out of my sys
tem the nutritive properties of tb$
Post uni beenn to build me up, and I
am now fully recovered from all my
nervousness, heart trouble and asthma.
I eladiy acknowledge (hat now. for the
first time in years. I enjoy p rfect
health, and that I owe It all to Pos
tum.’’ Name given by Posti m Co.,
Battle Creek. Mich.
There's a rca«o i. Read the little
look. “The Roar’ to Wellvllle." In
pkg*.
Pest urn Fx»d Coffee contains no
drujpi of any description whatsoever.
The Dilly
Dialogues
A HUMOROUS DISCUSSION
OF AFFAIRS OF THE TIME
By
CAMPBELL MACCULLOCH
Dranatic Critic of the New York
Telegraph.
(Copy rig bleO)
Dilly tad Uncle George Discuss Fi
nance and Financiers.
"Tell me. dear uncle,” said little
Dilly, ' what is finance? I see so many
references to It in the dally prints, anil
must confess a to*al unfamiliarity
with the term.”
"Finance, my dear nephew." said
t’ncle George, musingly, as he moved
the cuspidor a trifle nearer the study
table, and gazed benignly at the cell
ing, "finance is a subject that require*
much thought, and even more discus
sion. Roughly, I may say it is a hys
terical attempt to create something
tangible out of a purely hypothetical
condition in a manner that will re
dound to the ultimate advantage of
the financier. It may be described as
S combination of greed, bluff, nerve,
and monetary metaphysics, coupled
with sincere honesty of purpose. Per
haps I may say that It is the antithesis
of Lawsonesia, if we take Mr. Law
son's estimate of his own high-flown
purpose as a base.
i nere are \arimi8 degrees of
finance, and an infinite number of an
gles from which it may he viewed. For
instance. Dllly. the reckless attempts
of your good aunt to coax a new dress
out of a housekeeping allowance, may
be described as finance.' When I
audit the bills of the tradespeople and
lop off unnecessary items of expendi
ture, I call it high finance, for the
reason, my boy. that your excellent
aunt is about to be stung without
knowing in Just what manner the feat
was accomplished. Frenzied finance
is another form of the same Idea,
but it has only come into gen
eral use during the last two years. It
Is not properly finance at all. and if we
■ searched the older dictionaries for its
definition, we would discover that it
is referred to as plain swindling or,
In smaller instances, theft. All forms
of finance, however. Dilly, resolve
themselves Into one general idea, to do
something for some one who does not
want it done, and thus place the party
under an obligation which requires
monetary settlement.”
“Are there no honest financiers, dear
undo?” asked little Dilly, anxiously.
“Doubtless, my dear nephew.’' re
plied Uncle George, sadly. “I have
no doubt that there are many of
them. There may be so many that it
might be necessary to form them into
battalions and give each squad a num
ber, but. unfortunately, they are not
with us at this time. In discussing
finance, Dilly. you must learn to make
use of reasonable terms. In your
study of the English language you
have doubtless learned that no two
words directly antithetic to each
other can be combined to form a com
mon meaning. One could not well de
scribe a friend as a tall short man,
and consequently one may not de
scribe a financier by the adjective hon
i ii ii ii iiujifu. i-imy, mai your
studies had progressed to that point.
"There are many forms of finance,
and all forms are described most fully
in the penal code, but, unfortunately,
under different names. It is this that
causes such great difficulty, for our
public officers are notoriously weak
on F.ynonyms, my boy. No more pa
thetic sight can he imagined Chan a
conscientious public officer seated In
his study at midnight, spectacles on
nose and magnifying glass in his hand
struggling mightily to Ann some ade
quate penalty for a financier Th*
poor man labors with all the ardor of
a professional mendicant in search of
work, but he Is doomed to failure from
the first, for while he Is searching un
der the 'f's' In the code, his remedy
Is lying carefully concealed under the
Ts/ which letter, Dllly, I trust I will
not have to fell you is the first one
In the word ‘thief ' "
"Will the poor man ever find his mis
take, uncle?” Inquired little Dllly. anx
iously.
"I am afraid not. Dllly," responded
his uncle, sadly. "In fact. I may say I
am sure he will not. You Ree hls con
stant studies have almost ruined hls
eyesight, and by the time some kindly
considerate friend points out the error,
the public officer will be completely
blind. It Is a pitifully sad case. On#
grain of comfort remains to us, my boy.
It Is that occasionally we hear of a new
cure for shortness of vision. I have at
| ways maintained that we pay our public
officials altogether too small a sum for
the work they have to do. Should their
salaries be Increased, so they might
maintain their families In better style
and without drudgery, who shall say
their evcslght would not improve? Hut
to return to tbs financier, my dear
nephew.
“Pursuing the subject one finds a re
markable similarity between the mid
night marauder and the midday flnan
tier. The first, should you Inadverteni
Jy exhibit a roll of real money on a dar\
street, will merely beat you to death
with a blackjack. The other, with th"
kindliest feeling* in the world, will, at
th« sight of yoyr long green. direct your
attention to the newest painting he has
scoured from abroad, am; rhig you with
a handle of watered stock. The result is
the same, but the penalites are far dlf
ferent. One of the most familiar forms
of finance may be described as selling
something one has not got to some one
else who does not want ft and then buy
ing the same thing which oue never had
at a figure which only exists in the im
agination. This may seem a trifle in
volved to you. Dllly. but it is no more
involved than the ways of the financier*
themselves. Compared to many of our
eminent financiers, my bov. a second
story man or a sneak thief, is a com
pound of all the virtues, and should oc
cupy a ulche In the hall of fame."
• All financiers are rich, are they not,
uncle?" asked Dllly.
No, my dear boy. rot all of them,
i^ome are In jail. They are only wait
ing. however, until their release to put
into execution a plan for beating an or
phan asylum out of the oatmeal that
has been donated to it. and then they
will have plenty of money.”
Hut is a financier always dishonest,
uncle?" Inquired little Dllly.
"Not always, my bov." replied Uncle
George, fervently. "Sometimes he is
dead."
SYMPATHETIC. BUT LATE.
Letter of Condolence to Widow
Reached Her After Second
Marriage.
ever reflected." asked Mr.
Muggins, "upon the peculiar fact that
while our every-day life is as a rule
entirely dull and uneventful lots of
things happen In the neighborhood if
you should chance to go away for a
brief stay?
"Yes, sir! It s true! Just you ob
serve w hat changes will take place in
the affairs of your friends during your
absence. In this connection I recall an
amusing, although embarrassing, ex
perience that occurred to a relative of
mine not so long ago. She returned to
town from a visit abroad lasting a
>ear and a half. During that time sha
had received but few letters from
home, and those principally from my
self and other male relatives, and prac
tically no newspapers at all giving her
the latest gossip of the town.
“Well, a day or so after her return
j chanced to ask some one a question
with refence to a Mr. Blank, who for
years had been an Intimate friend of
the family. In reply, she was told that
the subject of her Inquiry had died
of yellow fever in Cuba. So horrified
was my relative at the unexpected
news that she did not once think to
ask when the unfortunate event had
occurred. \\ ithout a word to anyone,
and without their being aware of her
intention in the premises, my relative,
who is most punctilious In such mat
ters, at once repnirej to her room,
there to write a letter of condolence to
the widow of her old friend. We nTter
ward learned that in the composition
of this delayed message of sympathy
my relative said, among other things:
" Ra‘l news of your misfortune
hai Just come to me. 1 want to tell
you how deeply I sympathise with you.
The future must look very dark and
desolate to you, but I trust that you
will find courage to endure It.’
“When my relative had posted her
letter of condolence she returned to
the family circle, from which, when
further reference bad been made to
the loss of her old friend, she learned
that the sad event had occurred short
ly after her departure from this coun
tiy and that the widow had but re
cently married a worthy gentleman
from Pittsburg When this informa
tion was imparted to my relative, to
gether with the fact that the happy
couple had that week returned from
their honeymoon, she nearly fainted
when she suddenly realized what a re
markable effect her letter or condo
lence must produce In the mind of the
remarried lady."
The Bishop and the Waffles.
It would indeed t<o a queer bishop
who could tell a go* d story on him
self The late Blshoo Dudley, of Ken
tucky, was wont to relate with much
relish an Interesting experience which
he once had In connection with waf
fles.
At a fine old Virginia homestead
where he was a frequent guest the
waffles were always lemarkably good.
One morning, as breakfast drew near
i a nend, the tidy linen-coated black
! boy who served at table approached
Blsnop Dudley and asked in a low
voice:
"Bishop, won't y’ have ’n'er waffle?**
"Yes,” said the genial bishop, "1 be
lieve I will."
"Dey am' no mo'," then said the nle«
little black boy.
"Well, ’ exclaimed ;he surprised rev
erend gentleman, "if there aren't any
more waffles what made yon ask me il
I wanted another one?"
"Bishop.” explained the little black
boy. "you* done et 'en a'ready. an* I
fouz.it yo’ wouldn’ want no mo’.’*—
Lippmcott's Magazine
In the Shooting Season
"For every deer tint Is shot In trie
shooting season.” said John W. date*
at a iimner In New York, "two other
living thtngs are peppered—two cows
two horsea. two men or something o'
the Kind.
"A young man returned hurriedly
and nnexpectedly from a shooting trlf
In the west the other day. He hac
been shooting over the preserves of r
banker who has an estate that it
j conducted In the English fashion.
“'What?* I said to the young man
Back already? Did you get a ti
bag?’
"'Yes.' he answered, ‘I did Th
head keeper, the prize cow. my hoafi
cap, and his son's favorite* hound I’nr
going to Florida to-night.’ ’’
An Epitaph.
Tourist—The climate here is salubrious.
Isn’t it.
Native—Say, mister, jest write that
wort! down fur me, will yer? 1 git t red
•wcarin' at this climate in the same old
"'ay all the time, and anything new in
that line tickles mc^—Philadelphia Press.
The Chuf?s.
Mrs Chngwater—Josinh, vvhut is a "sur
render value” in life insurance?
Mr Chugwnter It's the value of the
Stull you surrender to the company for
the officers to get rich on. Chicago Trib
une.
Cures Blood. Skin Troubles, Cancer,
Blood Poison—Greatest Blood
Purifier Free.
If y«*ur blood is impure, thin, diseased,
hot or lull ot humors, if you have blood
poison, cancer, carbuncles, eating acre*
scrofula, ccrrinu, itching, risings and lumps)
scabby, pimply skin, bone pains, catarrh
rheumatism or any blood or skin disease,
take Botanic Blood Halm (B. B. B.) ac
cording to directions. Soon all sores heal
aches and pains stop, the blood is made
pure and rich, leaving the skin free from
every eruption and giving the rich glow
of perfect health to the skin. At the
same time 11. B B. improves the diges
tion. cures dyspepsia, strengthens weak
Kifluey*, dust the medicine for old peo
ple. as it gives them new. vigorous blood
Druggist*. |?1 per large Imttlc. with di
rection* for home cure. Sample free and
prepaid by writing Blood Balm Co, At
lanta, Bn. Describe trouble and special
',w m<»tlual advice nlso sent in ponied let
ter. B. B. B. is especially advised for
c hronic, deep seated cases of impure blood
and skin disease, and rures after all else
fails.
--
lie who attempt* by the acquisition of
money, to command more service from
bis tellows than In* renders them, is uii
rotihciously working for the disruption of
tlo* social bond and the ruin of the com
mon weal lb Outlook
Bobbed in Church.
dust think what cm outrage it is to lie
robbed of all th,* Ix-nclits of the services
by continuous coughing throughout the
congregation, when Anti-dnpme is guar
anteed to cure. Sold everywhere. 25 ets.
!• \\ . Diemcr, M. 1)., Manufacturer,
Springfield. .Mo.
It is funny how a man will get up in
church and confess that lie is the chief of
sinners and deny it at home if anyone ac
cused him of simply being an outside
guard at the sinners', club.—Atchison
Piso’s Cure for Consumption is an infalli
ble medicine for coughs and colds.—N. VV.
Samuel. Ocean Grove. N. J.. Peb. 17. 1U00.
“It’s a curious fact," said Curie Kben,
"dat dr man who alius seems to be doin’
■ de mo*’ hurryin’ is de man dat’a alius
• bellin' time. ’—Washington Star.

W’th the exception of yourself, every
; body is more or less deceitful.
There arc plugs of all sorts horses, lints
and men.
BABY COVERED WITH SORES
Would Scratch and Tear the Flesh Un
its* Rands Were Tied—“Would
Hava Died But for Outicura.’’
_ VM? whcn about • >*•»■
* , . * ’ }° ,invo •otaa come out
on ins face. I had a physician treat him.
but tne sort* grew worse. Then they be
gan to come on hia arms, then on other
part* of hi* body, an i then one came on
lus chest, worse than the others Then
1 called another physician. Still he
grew worse. At the end of about a vear
and a half of suffering he grew *o bad
1 had to tie hta hands in cloths at night
to keep him from scratching the sores
and tearing the tlcsh. lie got to be a
mere skeleton, and was hardly able to
walk. My Aunt advised me to try Cuti
cura Soap and Ointment. I sent to the
drug store and got a cake of the Soap and
a box of the Ointment, and at the end of
about two months the sores were all well.
He has never had any sores of any kind
since. lie is now strong and healthy,
and I can sincerely say that only for your
most wonderful remedies my precious child
would have died from those terrible sores.
Mrs. Egbert Sheldon. R. F. 1), No. 1,
Woodvillc, Conn., April 22, 1905.”
oyeraue.
"The wages of sin is death ” empha
sised the preacher, announcing his text.
"Huh." decided Grouch, sotto voce, "s
good many people of my acquaintance
ought to he getting their envelopes.”—
N. \. Times.
8 Tons Grass Hay Free.
Fwybodv lov.-s lots and lots of fodder
for hogs, cows, sheep and awine.
The enormous crops of our Northern
Grown Pedigree Keen* on our need farms
the past year compel us to issue a spe
cial catalogue called
BAt.ZER'R BARGAIN BKK1> DOOR.
This is brim full of bargain seeds st bar
gain prices.
send tuts notice to-dat.
and receive free sufficient aeed to grow 5
tuns of grass on your lot or farm this
summer and our great Hnrgain Seed Rook
with its wonderful surprises and great
bargains in seeds at bargain prices.
Item it 4e and we add a package of Cos
mos. the most fnshionable, serviceable,
beautiful unnunl flower.
•John A. Nttlzer Seed Co., Lock Draw
er K., La Crosse, Wis.
That glow of good feeling traditionally
believed to follow a kind net is damp
ened when one is not exactly sure wheth
er or not he has been proved an easy
mark.
Ladles Cnn Wear Shoes
< hie size smaller nfter using Allen's Foot
Knse. A certain cure for swollen, sweating,
hot, aching feet. At all Druggists, 25c. A<
cent no substitute. Trial package FRKK.
Address A. S. Olmsted, F.e Hoy, N. V.
The best way to estimate the force of
n man’s alleged good nature is to serve
him indifleiciit meals at home.
To Cure a Cold in One Day
Tnko Laxativk Rkomo Quinton Tablet*.
Druggists refund money If it fails to cum
K.W. (J hove's signature is on each box. 25o
The world isn’t any worse than it was
when you were young. You've merely
gut onto it.
PllICE,
CURE THE 6RIP
* IN ONE DAY
mapiNE
hto HO LQUAL fog
GRIP, 8 At
I won't Mil A
it. Call for:
W.Ole t
4
lost 72 POUNDS.
Waa Fait Drifting Into tlio Fatal 6tafw
of Kidney Sickness.
Dr. Melvin M. Pa*e, Page Optical Co.,
trie. 1 a. writes : “ Taking manv
..-*«?2aOTS
... » , * ' **v Iovo M 111
nie home with a terrible attack of kit]
tit y rou e. I had acute congestion.
■narp pain in t.ie
^>ack, hoadnchti
ttnU attack}* of dlt{i*
new. My eyes jjare
f out. nmi with the
^lanjfuor and nleep
1»'vmu.-s.s of the dhi
oase upon me 1
waited from 1V4 to
l-2 pounds. At the
tmu.' 1 tlnrtrd uiiuff
.. r» i\»uncy riilN
«n abscess was forming «« lUy right
kidney. The trouble quickly
cheeked, however, nud the treatment
cured me. so that 1 have been well
since 181MJ and weigh 18S pounds.”
Htild by ull dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
You Will Prosper
in the Great
Southwest
In Oklahoma, Indian Territory and Texas
are vast areas of unimproved land—land
not now yielding the crops of which it is
capable. The same conditions a^ply to ths
towns. Few lines of busiuess are adequate*
ly represented.- There are openings of all
sorts for mills and factories, for small
stores, for banks, newspapers and lumber
yards. You have only to get on the ground
to prove this. To enable you to do so tbs
Missouri, Kansas & Texas ICy offers
Rates Cheaper Than Ever
February 6th and 20th and
March 6th and 20th
On above dates most line* will *ell both one-way
and round It ip tickets at eirrplionally low rsta^
If your nearest tailroad agent cannot giva yen th*
tale*, witte in a for p.i titular*.
If you're in any way Intareatnd in tba
Southwest, I’d like to aend you my
paper “ 1 beConiing Country." Addreu
H. F. BOWSHF.R,
40* Traction Bldg.. CINCINNATI. O.
Ticketi on tale evatywbut%, via
"KOUTHWMT"
I PAYSPOTCASH
Kor Military Mount} l.aml Wurraatr lamieO
tr, «^<i.eraof an* war Write "■"••once. A4dre*a
I KASX BS. Hl.Ufcll, til • I. Hi Ml . DlufM, Colo.
TI-GRIPINE
QUARANTECD TO CURE
I COLD,HEADACHE AND NEURALGIA.
latl-Orlptne to a dealer who won't OaaraatM
our MON K V lUt It IF IX UOVT C1IBI.
Iter. ML. if., Manuiaoturer. JfA
There is only One <
Genuine-Syrup Of FigS,
The Genuine is Manufactured by the
California Fig Syrup Co.
The full nnme of the company, California Pig Syrup Co,
!• printed on the front of every package of the irenulne.
The Genuine- Syrup of Figs- is for Sale, in Original
Packages Only, by Reliable Druggists Everywhere
Knowing the above will enable one to avoid the fraudulent imita
tions made by piratical concerns and sometimes offered by unreliable
dealers. The imitations are known to act injuriously and should
therefore be declined.
Buy the genuine always if you wish to get its beneficial effects.
It cleanses the system gently yet effectually, dispels colds and headaches
when bilious or constipated, prevents fevers and acts best on the
kidneys, liver, stomach and bowels, when a laxative remedy is needed
by men, women or children. Many millions know of its beneficial
effects from actual use and of their own personal knowledge. It it the
laxative remedy of the well-informed.
Always buy the Genuine- Syrup of Figs
MANUFACTURED BY THE
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES
Catar wore —o4t brighter and latter eolort than any ether #ra. On# 10c packet# cafart all there. Thar dye in cold water belter than any other dye, You can ay*
any without riyint rytrl Writ* lar Iran b*afclel--Mewte ftya. Bleach and Bit Cater*. MOMROE DRVO to, Cmlom*lllt. Mlneeri

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