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The Dilly Dialogues A HUMOROUS DISCUSSION OF AFFAIRS OF THE TIME By CAMPBELL MACCULLOCH Dran-.atic Critic of the New York Te:*ermph. *w--- i tl'upj rtKbUKl) **T"I1 me, dear xjncle.” said little Dilly. as he glunced up from the Con gressional Record he was perusing, “wnat is politics?” “Polities, my dear nephew.” ob served Uncle George, genially, from the depths of his easy chair, where he had been reading the latest play of Georee Bernard Shaw, which he now surreptitiously concealed with a slight blush, “is synonymous with many words in the English language, such as graft, crookedness, and the like, in addition to some even harsher epi thets. for a fuller description-of which I must refer you to Messrs. Platt and I)epew.” “But, dear uncle.” said little Dillv. with a puzzled air. *'in my dictionary it is defined as ‘that part of ethics which consists in the regulation and government of a nation or state for the preservation of its safety, peace and prosperity.’ ” no not move mo to ribald laughter. Hilly, as my nervous system is some what shattered at this moment. I am forced to admit that your dictionary intended to deal with the question properly, but it has fallen far short of the requirements. To be more explicit, my dear hoy. politics, while original ly scheduled to dally along the prim rose path you mention, has in fact fallen a long way behind, and is now hopelessly off the track. When your etymological compendium refers to ethics in that manner it does so with many due reservations. Politics has ^ nothing to do with ethics. In fact, the two are as widely separated as a col ored collector of revenues would be from a Texas governor. Politics is not a condition, Dilly; it is a game. There are two great political parties, my dear boy, and the burning ques tion of one is: ‘How much can we steal?’ while that of the other is, ‘Grab It before it’s all gone.’ ^"ou will at once observe where the ordi nary citizen obtains his rights. Vul garly speaking, it strikes him in the region of the fifth cervical vertebrae. A brief reference to your beloved dic tionary will reveal to you that ethics may be described as morality. Even the most rabid politician has never the nerve to class himself among the high ly moral. Roughly speaking, the poli tician is a wise guy. and he usually knows enough to seek refuge In a mansion when It rains, though some times. under the steady downpour, he makes a mistake and gets In the wrong house and is unable to got out until a term of years has expired.” "Is all politics crooked, dear iiih-ir: assea umy, anxiously. “No. not all, my boy,” replied Uncle Ceor.ee. “ 1 here may be some de seriplion of it that Is as pure as the driven snow. You will not discover that description in the Unted States, however. At times the vile and licen tious press has hinted at anomalous conditions politically, but that is but petty Jealousy. This same press has pointed out with calm unction that congress, the senate, the boards of al dermen, etc., including the city offi cials of even the meanest municipality are out for the stuff, but those of us who know the conditions merely smile sardonically and reach out for two bundles of the long green as it is passed to us by the lobbyist. In these days and times, my lari. one must not inquire too elosely into means and methods. Polities Is a sacred trust conferred on a man by the sovereign people. The mere fact that the sover eign people are a lot of absurd Idiots when it comes to conferring such trusts, makes hut little difference. The assertion that the person in whom the snored trust Is reposed promptly digs around the corner to the nearest polit ical hock shop and soaks It for what he can get, is not germane to the Is sue nt all." “May we call a man who deals In politi's a politician, dear uncle?” qneries little Dilly. "We may. my dear nephew." replied Unole George, “and In moments of pas sion we infrequently refer to him by other names, but he Is above all things a politician. Thh sane man who can earn a dollar and a half a day who dickers with politics Is commonly termed a dtim idiot, f may add, how ever, that there are some millions of these idiots in our country. A poli tician Is sometimes more than a poli tician, my boy. Frequently he Is a financier, and as a general rule he Is an exceedingly wise man who under stands that his first duty is to himself and his family, and that charity be gins at home and usually ends there. A man who has once been a politician is never really anything else. He may he a convict part of the time, and a politician the rest, but he Is at heart a politician throughout, and his heav en is a civic position with free access to the dough hag at any hour. One may deccribe a politician even more fully, Dllly, as a man who Insists on doing something unnecessary for pro •8* who do not want It done, and col I looting money for dotng !t again-11*. tne will of those people. In the country districts a politician is a man a shade better than a gold brick enthusiast [ and a shade worse than a lightning rod 1 agent. In the cities he is an evil and like the poor, he will be always with urn.” ‘“Did you ever know a politician, dea- une'e**" asked little Dilly. “Forming the acquaintance of a poll* | tlcian. Dilly, Is like contracting the ; habit of chewing tobacco. Unneces sary in the first place, and cumber some in the second place. As I said l»efore. politics is a game, and th£ pub lie Is always it. which becomes mo notonous in the course of time. Re turning to your dictionary, my boy it is well to note that politics Is de scribed as having the peace, safety ami prosperity of the nation at heart. Thai description. Dilly. reminds me of an ; other dictionary definition. A party <t* erudite gentlemen were compiling one of tho«e useful works, and they had described a crab as ‘a small rer animal which walks backward.’ Om of these gentlemen met a great sci 1 entlst and told him of the definition The good scientist elevated his pop | eyebrow and observed: ‘You are cor rect. sir. in your description, with the : exception that a crab is not an animal it is not red and It does not walk back wards.’ 1 make no special charge, my boy. but I would not advise you tr pin your faith to the description ol politics you have just read me. It may cause unholy mirth In the mind! i of those who are next. A brief hrusl I with a politician Is apt to make on* get hep so hurriedly that one tears off i j hangnail In the process.” ‘‘But are not politicians useful, deai uncle?" Inquired Dilly. “Yes. my dear nephew.” replied ; Uncle George. “They are of as much i use as a pionkey wrench to a woinua J lacing a corset.” SPARROW TAUGHT TO SING. - i Bird Raised with Canaries Soon Learned to Imitate the Warblers. A series of interesting experiments in which English sparrows have been taught to sing sweetly is recorded by Dr. Conradi, says the American Jour nal of Psychology. The aim of the experimenter has been to determine what are the conditions under which birds learn and cling to their tradi tional notes. For this purpose he has taken very young birds of non-muslcai species and kept them entirely with songsters, to determine whether they would thus acquire the musical notes. In July, 1893, he put four flcdling ! English sparrows into the nest of a pair of singing canaries. Three ot them died, but the fourth survived. This one had already acquired a i sparrow chirp; but, hearing thence : forth only the notes of the canary, he went no further with the language which was his birthright. Instead, he I came gradually, when among the canaries, to give notes different from sparrow talk. Even when he was si lent. if the canaries were singing he ! could be seen moving his throat, as if he were trying to form the sounds, much as a person often audibly fol lows a song which another is singing. At last these sounds began to be aud ible, and increasingly so. He began { to give notes in rapid succession, ' three or four tones tip the scale, and then repeating the top note five or i six times. Growing bolder with practice and the sound of his own voice, he soon indulged three or four runs in suc cession, with eight to twelve notes in each; and in the last davt^ of Sep tember, when three months old, he went up and down and up the scale, all in one run. All this while his voice had been ! changing. At first It was harsh, as is uatural with English sparrows; but i gradually, with the effort or with the ; subconscious influence of the swelter sounds about him, it became softer and acquired something of the canary quality. At first he sang on a low scale and tried the top notes vainly; but, as his voice became milder, he went higher more easily. He was three months old when, growing bold, he essayed his first trill. It was short hut musical, and he evidently liked it, for he re peated it, and continued steadily to practise it. It was done modestly, and after each trill he sat still and ap peared to he listening. A year later, however, when the report was being written by the experimenter, lie had grown to be quite an adept in canary song, and would trill and sing con tinually. punctuating his song with complete circles and semicircles on his perch. TV» trv thr nf nuannintinn him, Dr. Conrad! removed him for a time. In hi.* first year, from the can aries, and put him where ho heard only sparrows chatter. Gradually he ceased to sing and began to return to the neglected sparrow tongue; but when he was again hung with the canaries he regained all he had lost In less than a month. What Makes Shoes Shine? The philosophy of polish on any substance Is simply the production by friction of such smoothness of the sur face layer o? its particles that they reflect the rays of light falling upon them. Different articles are used to aid in prncuri^ this smoothness on different subataw-es. With leather the best substance seems to be a paste containing bone black—that Is, the powder obtained from charred bones or ivory—to which is added a small quantity of acid to dissolve it, oil to preserve the soft texture of the leath er, and treacle and gum to render th« mass adhesive.—Technic*! World. Our Pattern Department LADIES DRESSING SACClUE. ii Pattern No C>14 1.—While a dressing Mcque is really a garment for comfort. It can at the same tune be dainty and beroming Tills design is a partlCU lailv good model, ami u pretty ^ar* ment could be made by this pattern at very little expense. Tucks are laid in the front to about yoke depth, and the fullness at the waistline in the back Is confined by gathers held in position by a stay. A fancy collar trimmed with lace gives u pretty fin* ish. and the twit may he of the ma terial or ribbon could be used. China silk, albatross, outing flannel or dimi ty are all appropriate for the mak ing. The medium size requires tlireo and three-quarters yards of 3fi inch material Sizes for 32. 34. 3G, 38. 40 and 42 Inches bust measure. This pattern will be sent to you on receipt of 10 cents Address all orders to the Pattern Department of this paper. Be sure to give size and number of pat tern wanted. For convenience, write your order on the following coupon: No 5141. Sl*fc. NA Wit. A *DDKF 1 S GIRI/S SURPLICE DRESS. i ai mm u i>u no »u.— me surplice front given a smart effect to tliis lit tle frock, developed In dark blur flan mi The shir Id was made of white flannel with an problem embroidered In blue silk Turks are laid In at the shoulders and th** lower edge of the waist blouses prettily all around The full skirt Is finish'd hy a deep hem and gathered to the waist. Cash mere, nun’a-veiling, pongee, mohair end linen are all adaptable. The medium size will require three and a half yards of Sfi-inr h material. Sizes for 8. ft. 10. 12 and It years. I This pattern will be sent to you on receipt of 10 cents Address all orders to the Pattern Department of this paper. Be sure to give size and number of pat tern wanted For eon veil it: nee. write your order on the following coupon: No 5540 size.. Ns me ... address. Aurora Borealis Causes Panic. A ierent display of aurora horeall* frightened the citizens of a little town In northern Kroner They thought that a neighboring village was on Are. they took out the flre engines and hur ried to the supposed eonflagration Tho brilliant display threw Caen info a panic Afraid to go to bed, the towns people paraded the streets for hours, and tlie churches were filled with wom en, who prayed all thp night through. Liked It “Did old Hamfat, the tragedian, get mad the other night when the audieme threw eggs at him?" “Not in the least, lie thanked them and said he always enjoyed eggR with his role "—Milwaukee Sentinel, The Bnchelor Advise* “Still 1 think you’d do better to wait for a time " •’B it great Seotr. If 1 wait some other fellow is liable to rail in and win the girl away from me ” “That’s what I mean Houston Post. Lots of ’Em. “Do vou think people ought to h* killed to put them out of their mis try'”' ' 1 think some people ought to be killed to put other people out of their niscry,"—Houston Post. TO CIVE EMPIRE EFFECT, The Corset Departments Are Chang ing Their Wares to Suit the Em pire Models Now the Fancy. Slowly «Jut surely a note of novelty Is creeping Into all departments of dress accessories, and. though a hasty tour through the shops may reveal to the careless observer little that is new save In spring dress materials, there are among the familiar and somewhat shop worn articles that clutter the counters various novelties that Indicate the trend of Ash ion's current. The corset departments nre partic ularly emphatic In prophecy, and many of the very newest models indicate clearly the lines demanded In the fash ionable figure by the latest frock ideas. The modish woman must adopt stren uous measures for reducing of her hips In order that she may wear gracefully the popular prlnoesse gowns and be ready for the empire models if they ac tually obtain general favor. Fullness of bust is also desirable In connection with the prinresse and empire lines, and the high bust is demanded by all the most successful bodice models of the day. Many women are compromising'twixt fashion and comfort by wearing the short corsets to which they have become devoted during the reign of the blouse and donning, 5a addition, a bust sup porter which will give the correct bust lines. There aro even new corset mod els made with a back cut all lu one, but with a front divided into a girdle and a bust support, and allowing the comfort In which the corset makers have in dulged women during the past few years. \\ 1th empire gowns some women nre discarding corsets altogether in favor of u bust support and corset makers are experimenting with these little corset Jackets and producing a host of dainty little models to meet the rising demand. There nre. for example, short corset waists terminating Just below the bust, and made of Inch and a-half-wlde satin ribbons woven in and out in basket fashion. These bust supporters ure charmingly trimmed with frills of lace und ribbon knots, and wide elastic matching the satin forms shoulder straps and Is set In the sides under the arms so that, despite the support, absolute freedom is given to the wearer. Other bust supporters are of embroidered batiste in white or dell • ate tint trimmed in soft frills of creamy Valenciennes.—N. V. Suu. TO KEEP DISHES WARM. Various Ways of Solving the Prob lem How to Keep a Course Din ner Nice and Hot. Keeping things warm is the problem wlilrh confronts every user of a gas stove. I ulcss there is a broiling oven sep arate from tho baking oven -and this is an expensive arrangement—there Is no room in the ordinary gas range for keeping u course dinner hot. Even then the heat is of the kind that is death to both the llavor and looks u£ the dishes. A way to manage a warming oven which is perfect, besides being out of the way, is to get a sneet iron or tin oven of the kind which are made to go on over eonl oil or little flat gas stoves. Get just as Jarge a one as you can possibly afford, as every extra square Inch will pay you in more ways than aue. (let a couple of deep iron brack ets to set this on and fasten to th« wall at a convenient height and dis tance from the stove. Under it set a low box or fasten a sheif, anil upon this set one of the little coal oil stove lamps that sell for little over a quar ter. You will flnd that the heat Is of he mild and even kind that keeps filings perfectly. The top Is an ideal place for raising bread and things which require slow baking, as custard >r rice can be cooked in It, to the sav 'ng of gas. In a kitchen In which a coal range <eeps its place beside the gas stove he problem is made simple by setting be little lamp under the warmln? >ven of the range while cooking by (as. In the dining-room the radiator snel' s a means of keeping things warn* hat Is not often taken advantage o! It may be made to ni&tch the wood work and suspended with brackets hj<I have a few of the odd dining room pieces Het upon it, and still leave room for setting the plates and cups lust before meal time. It is an Ideal ?lace for the cracker Ik>w1, and if uade of a piece of marble laid flat on he radiator It will answer as well for < warming table ns one which has hot water under It.—Chicago Tribune. a anma. One who is well versed In salad mak ing gives this toothsome recipe; A strip of the peel of a large and perfect banana may be turned bark and most of the pulp carefully scooped out. The short, thick variety of hansna in either red or yellow is the best for this pur pose. To fill the space left by the re moval of the pulp, prepare a mixture of tbl’jly sliced banana, shredded or ange or grape fruit, seeded and peeled; white grapes and a few kernels of English walnuts or pecan* jn small pieces. In season stoned cherries may be added. All must first be mixed In a howl, with a generr^is supply of dressing, and after the yellow canes are filled with the salad, each must be laid on lettuce leaves. 1 hear must be prepared a short Iime bef »re using. Celery and Olive Salad, Pick and wash well in cold water four or five white celery stalks. Dry them well and use only the tender Inside parts. Cut them in short lengths and place in a bowl with lettuce heart*. Toss up with French dressing and add pltnolaa ant in knives. t .. SCIENTIFIC ITEMS. P.of Koch Is raid to have decided to apply the Nobel prize recently award* cd to him to the publication of a com plete edition of hi* scientific writings. Sir David (till, who ha* been as tronomer royal nt the Cape since 1879. is resigning his post and returning to England for the New Year. Mauy no {able astronomical problems have been wived at the Cape observatory under Sir David Gill's direction. Including Ihe determination of the minor plan ets Victoria. Sappho and Iris. The problem of the ascent of say In trees, an English botanist points >ut. is yet unsolved. It appears that !n the highest trees the total pressure would be nearly 100 atmospheres, anil is we cannot suppose that leaves can txert so intense osmotic suction, tho >nly theory at all probable Is that tho \ living cells exert some sort of pump | ng action In the wood. M. Martel, a French explorer who | has devoted much time to the subject : >f caves, is confident that the stir face af the earth Is fast wearing away by erosion and corrosion, in such n man ner that the level at which water is found In the earth's crust Is being low •reil. He thinks that there will be i disastrous scarcity' of water avnlt »ble for drinking n few centuries nence. (•old lias been easily distilled by Henri Molssnn In the electric furnace. Its boiling point being higher than {hat of copper, but lower than that of lime. In n cold tube, the vapor con densed partly In the form of moss gold, partly ns microscopic crystnls. the general properties being those of Unely divided gold. In slloys with popper and tin. the gold distills over last. On distilling an allow of tin and gold, a purple of Cassius Is obtained In the dry way. EVERYDAY REFLECTIONS. Monday—No man liaa a poorer out look than he who i» on the lookout for himself only. Tuesday—Friendships sown In youth furnish the sweetest fruits for old age. Wednesday—Use not to day what to morrow may want; neither have that to hazard which foresight muy pro vide for or care prevent. Thursday—Your concern should not so much be whnt you get as what you do for what you net. Friday—Politeness Is the golden key that unlocks tne door to many an op portunity. Saturday—The heat help Is not to bear the troubles of others for them, but to inspire them with eourago and energy to hear their burdens for them selves. Sunday—The richest people on earth are those who make the most of what they have and the least of what they aro. TARTARIC TRUTHS. “Kind hearts aro more than coro nets”—and about as scarce. A man is never too old to learn, but be may be too young to realize It. The fellow who shoots off his mouth never seems to run out of ammuni tion While sympathy Is all right In its way. It makes a very poor substitute for beefsteak. A PERFECT HAND. How Its Appearance Became Fa miliar to the Public. The story of how probably the most perfect feminine hand In America be came known to tho people is rather interesting. As tbo story goes the possessor of tho hand was with some friends in a photographer's one day and while talk ing, held up a piece of candy. 'I he pose of the hand with Us perfect con tour and fault lest shape attracted the attention of the artist, who proposed to photograph it. Tho result was a beautiful picture kept In the family until one day, after reading a letter from someone Inquiring as to who wrote tho Postuin and Grape-Nuts ad vertisements, Mr. Post said to his wife: "Wo receive so many In quiries of this kind, that It Is evident some people aro rurlous to know, suppose we let the advertising department have thnt picture of your han<i.to print and name It ‘A Helping Hand.'" (Mrs, Post has assisted him In preparation of some of the most fa mous advertisements.) Thera was a natural shrinking from the publicity, but with an agreement that no name would accompany the picture. Its use was granted. The ease was presented In the light of extending a welcoming bind to the friends of Post im and G, ape Nuts, so the picture appeared on tb ■ buck cov ers of many of the January and Feb ruary magazines and became known to millions of people. Many artists have commented upon it as probably the most perfect band In the world. The advertising dept of the Postum Co. did not seem able to resist the temptation to enlist the curiosity of the public, by refraining from giving tho name of the owner when the picture appeared, but stated that the name would he given later In one of the news paper announcements, thus see King to induce the readers to look for and read the forthcoming advertisements to learn the name of th-? owner. This combination of art and com merce and the multitude of Inquiries furnishes an excellent Illustration of the Interest the public takes In the personal and family life rf large manufacturers whose names ’-.came household words through extensive and continuous an nouncements in newspapers and period icals. 3USINESS AND PROFESSIONAl CAROS. J. H. MEEK, attorney at i,aw. iWAYNE, W. VA. tounlTtn^1 **r*CUP# *n w**u* *4jointi <f. tt. UIKSKK, •Architect, { Ckrkdo, W. Va. Office st Hoard Brick. W. W. MAltCUM, Attorney-til- Law, Ckrkdo, W. Va. Will Inill II r cm it of W . T* 4«v<l ■iH|l,«wr«nra oouuty, Kv . yj m 3 J. C- GEIGER* M. l)V * ... - practice limited to— "V , Eye, Ear, Nosenml Throat. Cor. lit I. St. mid 4lh Ave., Ilunlin^ton, - - >V. Va, r'i I DANIEL WRIGHT, Painter • Paper Hanger Cereilo, W. Va. ML.NV.trli iloii* In III. Ini nlj l. tn(1 ,1 Mitmtbl* priuM. Putnt. and Wall Psp*r k&A i <1 Dr. 11. II. Tinsley* Dentist. Vitalited Air and Oxygen Give© for I'umiIchh Extraction of Teeth. W Crown and ll-ldijc work a Specialty. Ofli.-c «»»cr Itruii’k film. Hlmr CATLETT6BURG, KY„ PHONE 99# W. II. ADKINS, THE BARBER, GUARANTEES HIS WORK to <;i ve ENTI HE SATISFACTION. On In hla aliop mid .ci a c'chu iIiht. and a nice hair cut nii<l you will look i.n ycara yognwar. shop near comer of "H” mid Main alit>imlu, W. Vm. T. T. McDOflO A L, Fire and Life Insu rance Agent, QKItCDO, W VA. Represent.* Strong and Reliable Fire companion and an old-liue Life company that gives large dividend* And iatnjeH eplendid pol. idea. ► Caveats,and Trade-Mirks obtained, and all Pat ent htiimevt conducted for Monttim Fee*. Own Oerter ■« Oeroairr t». 9. Psttmt Ornee and we can set tire patent In leas lime thru tliua*' i remote (ruin Washington. r' Send model, drawing or photo., with dcscrlp-i lion. We advise, l( patentable or not, free •( charge. Our fee not due till patent I* secured. A P»M»HirT, "How to Obtain Patnrr a," With coat of tame In the IJ. S. and foreign cc uutrlca aent free. Addreaa. C.A.SNOW&CO. O*" rirruT OttICt WntN'Ni.tM o. raimlen Interstate Hallway Com puny For government and information of employe* only Not an a<1 vernarmerit of the time of car*. The Company reserve* rh* right to ohange •itki/tn notice. 8TA riONS*. .want wave Huntington. I.V. tohnson’a f.ane Central City * Cererlo ** Oakland A**.. C*«. ** Mlirbtll'l “ Clrffeatde Park. ** Diamond, " Ashland, At 4.00 40$ 4 IS «.30 4.40 4 53 «n» 1.0) 111 IMTW1ID Ashland. U, fliiittnnil, lvffe«l«i# Farh ** Mitchell*# “ l) i U and A ve Oat. ** '.'•redo, M Cenrral City, ** Johnson's l.aae, M M « n * I n g t on a M. 4.1* 4.33 4.W 4.V) 4.4* %.'* 5.15 5.15 iJO If you am thinking of applying for life inaurAtice dr* it while in jrof.d health and before you become old, which neceaearily make* tho premium large. Tho John Han. ! rock Mutual, of Bouton, repreaenU • | ad by T. T Me Donga I, ja one of the boat com pan tea extant. It* dividend* are large. The Palace Hotel, Suth and Vin« Btrreta, t’incinnaii, in a gem in tho n ay of *ervice at rate*, %'i 00 and $i A0, or *3 00 with hath, per day on the American plan; <1.00 up ward*, Kuropo.tn plan. If you want a life manranou poli cy iu a aplendid old lino company that give* large div denda, «oatul| T. T.McDougai