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THE CEREDO ADVANCE.
T. T. McDOUGAL, Publisher. CEREDO. - - WEST VIRGINIA The Fetich of Thoroughness. ▲ perfect housekeeper may not be • real homemaker. Her kitchen and hed rooms raayt be spotless and her dinners fit for an epicure; but if she never has an hour for reading, or, leisure to play with her children or to talk with her husband, she is a failure as wife and mother. Somewhere be tween perfection and slovenliness there lies a golden mean. To reach It a housewife must learn to turn off work, and to distinguish between the kind of work which may be slighted and the kind which must be done with literal thoroughness. “An all-day washing makes a half-day Ironing!" aned to be the motto of a wise wo man, who preferred clothes free from Crime and streak to carefully fluted frills ami starching that would stand alone. There are houses where the fetish of thoroughness demands a daily sacrifice, just as there are other houses where the dragon of laziness and disorder devours both comfort and afTection. An old colored “mam my," for years the chief dependence of a southern family, had a genius for Cutting work done. Nobody ever knew exactly how or when her miracles were wrought; but the house was clean and the ineals were toothsome, and “Aunt Car’line” was always happy and leisurely, says Youth’s Compan ion. One day her mistress sent her ■to put the guest chamber in order for a distinguished visitor. She came downstairs very soon, with the smil ing assurnnee, “Dat room am plumb clean. Miss Gertrude!” “So quickly?” Inquired Miss Gertrude. “Did you dust it, aunty? I don’t see your dust er.” “Law now, Miss Gertrude, don’t you bodder vo’self ’bent Aunt Car’ line. I done dust dat room wld a paa mleaf fan!” There spoke a re sourceful housekeeper. The American Tourist. Every summer Americans overrun teurnjx* in numbers “never equaled be fore.'* And every summer European newspapers, especially the English, discover that the American tourist is bad-mannered, that the father of the family chews cigars, that the mother is uneducated, and the daughter loud voiced. An American at home who reads these accounts of his touring countrymen wonders at first whether the dignified gentleman who was to leave his business and spend a sum mer In England did not go, after all. What has become of that gentle achool teacher who had saved her money for three years to make her 'pilgrimage to Shakespeare’s country and Scott’s? Just where in that out irageous throng of “Amurrican" tour lata are our own best friends who wailed !n June? The last time we saw them they did not chew gum, nor vio late the English language further than to use the word “guess’’ racily and correctly, nor talk with indecent fa mlli&rity to the employes of hotels. Then it occurs to us, remarks Youth's Companion, that many American trav elers do not speak loud enough for the natives to discover that their •peech is American. Our countrymen •broad are visibly and audibly repre sented by the kind of person that we dislike at home. In the same way the conditions of New York society •re portrayed in European papers by •torles of political corruption and the few eccentricities of the many mil lionaires. Normal events do not make sensational press dispatches. The unusual is seen and chronicled. Ameri cans who do not enjoy the reports of the impressions which their country men make upon Europeans have only to recall our rrwn errange notion that Frenchmen gesticulate like jumping Jacks, and that Englishmen are humor less persons In loud-checked suits. It is evident that there is no anti American feeling in the royal family <rf Japan. A Japanese farmer has pur chased a collection of American cows which will be taken to the orient to furnish milk for the use of the sov ereign and his household, ^Moreover this enterprising Japanese agricultur ist, who, by the way, contracted to supply milk to the military hospitals •t Toklo during the recent war and wot only did the work satisfactorily but made a handsome sum by the op eration, has borrowed another Ameri can idea and will gr jnt0 the con densed milk business. The plan has proved practicable and profitable here, and no doubt will work equally well In Japan. A parachute aeronaut dropped from • balloon into a river at Middletown. W. Y., and wan married a few minutes after she had been got ashore, accord ing to the advertised program. First •he got a wetting, and then she had a wedding. ICfng Edward's taste In Jewelry la watremely quiet. A horseshoe or single P*arl pin and a plain gold ring on hi* little Anger are all that he ever wears with the simplest possible ilnke and fftada I The Lunacy of Simon Lane By John V. Mulancy (Copyright, by Dully Story Pub. Co.) It was a busy day in tlie department | store of Marburg & Co. Simon I^iae, head clerk of the fur department, was even more than usually officious. The occasion lor Simon's especial good nature was a new and lavish cus tomer. She was a handsome, richly dressed woman of about 150 years, with a frank, pleasant smile and a very engaging air of condescension, which made Simon more than usually servile In his attentions. She appeared much interested in the display of selected furs. There was a subtle flattery in the manner in which she sought Simon's opinion on the various goods, but her own remarks showed her to be a connoisseur. After much delib eration she selected some handsome seal skins, with careless indifference to their price, and a set of sables, the pride of the Marburg fur display. She" gave a little sigh of weariness as she concluded her buying and unclasped her purse. “I should Ilk© greatly to take my purchases with me,” she said, "I wish to have the furs for this evening. If it won’t trouble you too much, will you have them packed at once and I shnll take them in my carriage. What Is the amount?” She took a roll of bills from her purse and counted them j slowly. Lleven hundred dollars, ma'am,” said Simon, after a somewhat lengthy calculation. A faint flush had begun to color the woman's features. She uttered a slight but startled exclamation. “I must con fess that I have exceeded by purse,” she said, blushingly, “I haven't that amount with me. However, I must have those furs—and I can't wait until to-morrow. May I speak with your employer a moment?” she asked hesi tatingly, blushing a deep crimson from embarrassment. "I think I see a way out of the difficulty.” Simon led the way to the grated window of old Marburg’s office and briefly related the situation. “You would greatly oblige me,” the woman hastened to conclude, “if you would allow your clerk here to accom pany me to my husband's office. My carriage is waiting outside. I shall procure a check for my purchase, which 1 shall return to you through your clerk. You will do me a great service,” she added, “and besides you will release me from a very embar rassing situation.” On the shrewd countenance of old Marburg a frown gathered for a mo ment, a frown of distrust; then, at the thought of losing a new and evidently wealthy customer, his face cleared. “No favor whatever, madam; Mr. Lane here shall accompany you and return with the check.” And old Mar burg turned again to his desk. A carriage awaited them at the curb. Simon followed, sat down oppo site her, and the carriage rolled away. Simon was charmed by the engaging conversation of his companion. Still exhibiting a slight air of reserve, as might well become a society leader thrown into such a delicate situation, she conversed entertainingly on those topics of the day that might interest a clerk. As they talked, the carriage was speeding along, out through the crowded streets of the business dis trict to the quiet of the suburbs. Simon was beginning to experience a slight feeling of uneasiness, when the horses slowed down to u walk and he felt that their destination was near at hand. A hasty glance through the carriage window told him that they were on the grounds of the Chesloa Private Sanitarium. He Immediately conclud ed that the woman opposite him was the wife of some official of the estab lishment. He was more strongly In trenched in this belief when the car riage drew up at the main doorway. The woman arose and spoke with a ravishing smile. “Won’t you please step iii» Into the waiting room while 1 see I)r. ( heslea? I'll be gone but Just a moment.” Simon was only too happy to obey and followed her into a cosy little waiting room, where Rhe left him. Two attendants In uniforms were lounging In the apartment and Simon saw that they were watching hlin closely. The woman was gone but a few moments when she returned. She had a kerehlef to her eyes and was weeping. She stepped quickly to his side and.^before he realized what she had done* she had kissed him Im pulsively on the forehead and rushod from «he room sobbing loudly. The suddenness, the strangeness of It all took Simon completely by surprise, but In a moment be recollected him- I self and started after her. Kre he reached the door an attendant seized j him by either arm. "What df>es this mean?" cried S|. mon. almost stunned at these 4nl<K>k ed for proceedings. He quiet, sir. Calm yourself.” said I one of the men. speaking )n a sooth Ing voice, as if to a child "You must stay here for a while, sir, and enjoy a little vacation ” What kind of a plot is 'his. gentle men? I am a clerk In the employ of Marburg A Company. Let me go!” he cried, beginning to struggle help lessly. "Softly, sir, we know all about you. Mr. Marburg has asked that you 1k> given this little vacation. Your wife ftaked It for you." “My wife! Hut I hare no wife! J * —— don’t believe you. You are all In some plot to ruin me!” and Simon, instead of trying to be cool and ration al, gre.w more excited, more confused and more violent in his resistance. At last he was forced down a corridor and placed in a solitary cell, where he passed a sleepless night. On the afternoon of the n>*xt dav Or. Cheslea, head of the Cheslea Sani tarium, sat reading in Ids private of fice. As his eye moved over the front page of tire “Herald" It was attracted by the following item: "Faithful Clerk Absconds from the Marburg Store. Simon Lane, for ten years a trusted employer of Mar burg and Company disappeared from the city yesterday taking with him n check for $1,100 dollars paid him by a wealthy customer. No news of h'.s whereabount has been obtained." Dr. Cheslea re-read the item with a puzzled expression, then sat for several moments staring before hhn in silence. As if on sudden thought, he then picked up a directory from his desk and looked through it hur riedly. Then taking down the receiv er of his desk telephone he called the number of Marburg’s private office. “Hello,” a little excitedly, “I want to talk with Mr. Marburg at once." "This is Marburg right here,” re turned a gruff voice, “what can 1 do for you?" “This is Dr. Cheslea of the Chevron Sanitarium. I read of the disappear ance of your clerk. Simon Lane, and wish to say that he is here at the sanitarium. He was placed here yes terday at tho request of his wife and at the advice of his physician.” “llis wife? Simon Lane, my cierk, had no wife! You must be mistaken.” Dr. Cheslea saw in a flash the depth of his deception. He dropped the tele phone and pressed a button on his desk. “Go." he said calmly to the attend ant who appeared, “and show .Mr. Lane to my office—Mr. Lane, the geu tleman in number 97." As Simon Lane, dejected and woe begone, appeared in the doorway of the office Dr. Cheslea arose to meet him and shook him warmly by the hand. "Mr. Lane,” he said, “this Instllu tion has done you a great wrong. Aa head of this institution I am responsi ble for it and I offer most liunibie apol ogy. It is plain that we both have been much deceived.” v The two talked earnestly together for ten minutes. In the midst of the discussion a cab drove hurriedly tip the drive. Old Marburg alighted and hastily mounted the steps and entered the office. "Simon!” he cried, halting between his old time confidence in his clerk and his new, suddenly grounded sus piclon. “Mr, Marburg,” said Dr. Cheslea, "be seated. I am afraid, all uncou sciously, we have been parties to one of the cleverest swindling tricks of which I have ever heard. A woman called here at my office the day before yesterday with two gentlemen, one of whom she introduced as her broth er, the other of whom bore the card of a prominent north side doctor, a gentleman for whom I have the great est esteem professionally, but whom unfortunately, I had never met. This woman stated that her husband was insane, to which fact the two gentle men testified. She declared that his Insane hobby was selling furs, and rnat no Imagined himself a clerk in the employ of Marburg and Company. She spoke of him in terms of great affection and seemed much moved. I expressed the hope that we might he able to benefit him by a few months’ treatment. She then explain ed that he was very suspicious nnd wary, also that he was very violent when crossed In his wishes or other wise disturbed In temper, hut that she would fry. under some pretence, to bring him quietly,to the office here, where wo might take him In charge. Well, as you see. she brought Mr Lane, who answered exactly to her description and who, you will pardon me. sir. certainly did exhibit the symptoms she mentioned.” "Where Is tills woman now?” cried old Marburg, very red and excited, starting from his seat. Hut even the beat city detectives failed to answer his question. Squirrels Reared by a Cat. Among the Interesting things shown at a recent meeting of the Zoological society were two young specimens of the Knglish squirrel, which had al most entirely changed in color from the usual rhestnut-brown to a light drab, the ears and feet only showing traces of the original color, ‘it was stated that the animala had been taken from a nest when very young, and put in charge of a eat, which acted as foster-mother, and successful ly raised them. It was suggested that this fact might have caused tin# color change.—St. James' Gazette. Her Best Recollection. Mrs. Lapsling was explaining the nature of the injury sustained by Johnny when ho fell ofT tlm back porch. "It's a wonder he ever went through It alive." she said. "The doctor says he came mighty near fracturing Ids juxtaposition. Yen know that’s the bone next to the McduJjion obligato.' —Chicago Tribune.^ - NEAR $3,500,000,000 TREMENDOUS GROWTH OF OUR FOREIGN TRADE FOR 19C7. Exports Are Close to $2,000,OOO.OGO. But Imports Are Increasing at a Much More Rapid Rate with a Cor responding Decrease of the Trade Balance. A foreign trade for the fhsca! year of 1*907 of $3,315,000,000, or more than $3, 500.000.000 if we take into account our trade with Porto Rico, Hawaii and the Philippines, does not harmonize with the clamor for doors that should open wider for hoth exports and im ports. Our exports are within $200, 000,000 of the three-billion mark, or $1,880,851,024; an increase of more than $600,000,000 in ihe past six years. Our imports are $1,434,401,092, against $903,320,948 in 1902. Compared with 1906 Imports have increased $207,838,646, while the ex ports have increased $136,986,524. We have been buying at a greater rate than we sold, and our trade bal ance is reduced front $517,302,054 in 1906. to $446,449,032 In 1907, a de crease of 70.852,122. At this rate of piling up our pur chases from foreigners we ought not to he accused of maintaining a Chi nese wall tariff. At this rate we shall find ourselves running in debt to foreigners before long, for practically every dollar of that favorable trade balance of $146, 000,000 is needed to pay our freight bills to foreign steamship companies, tlie earnings on our stocks and secur ities owned abroad, the millions spent abroad by our tourists, and the other millions constantly being spent by prosperous American wage earners to needy relatives. Out of our total imports of nearly a billion and a half more than $800,009, 000 represent products that compete with American labor and Industry. Is not that enough? Should we lower the tariff so as to Increase that competition? Should we rig up special trade dick ers so as to make it easier for foreign ers to break into our market with their goods? Should we go ahead with tariff re vision and other trade dickers, so that the present billion and a half of im ports may be swelled to two billions or more? These are questions which every business man, every wage payer, every wage earner should ask himself in con nection with our present foreign trade of fully $3,500,000,009. HAD NOT LEARNED THE NEW UNDERVALUATION ROPES. United Statps Consul (to manufacturer who has not yet grasped the full purport of the undervaluation privilege in the German agreement)—Isn’t there some mistake in this invoice? Manufacturer I think not. sir. That is the actual market price. Consul—I don’t doubt that In Ihe least. But under the new deal you have the right to invoice at a lower price "for ex port only.*’ Your competitors are taking advantage of that privilege and Invoicing to j.( per cent, below market price. y.,u h,!ul better cancel tills Invoice and bring in a corrected one. Manufacturer—Thank you, sir. 1 will do so. A Suggestion. The Brooklyn Standard-Union, re marking on the fact that the National Association of Manufacturers favors (ariff revision and is raising $1,000,000 with which to carry on war against organized labor, suggests that If the tariff should bo ripped to pieces la bor would be reduced to such straits that there would be no need of that million dollars. This Is worth con sidering. Why not use that million doiiara in breaking clown tho tariff? That would he killing two birds with anc stone. The tariff would be re vised downward "at the earliest prac ticable moment,” and so many wage efimeis wpuld lose their Jobs that unionism would go to pieces in the renerai scramble for work and wages. The brilliant statesmen who control the organized manufacturers mat find herein an easy solution of a difficult problem. A Step In the Wrong Direction. Twenty five years ago Daniel Mart-, nlng, secretary or the treasury j„ pr I'i'uit ( leveinnd s first administration, ^'lid in ,'ITI ofllcjal report, in substance, that the treasury was being robbed at the rate of $40,000,000 a year In revenue through the fraudulent under* valuation or imports. Heing a free trader and a hater of protection Mr Manning did not add. as he might truthfully have done, that domestic labor and Indn try wera betas robbed far more than $40,000,000 by this unfair and dishonest competition. It is indeed a long step .In the wrong lirectlon when our government offlci alij lends itself to the fraud and wrong of undei aluatlon.—Vnerican Economist. X x 'v FORAKLR ON TARIFF REVISION. Ohio Senator Has . Comprehensive Grasp of Situation. In his speech of July 19 at Miamls burg. Senator Foraker occupied a plane of high intelligence and sound common sense when he said, in refer ence to the proposed revision of the tariff: “It might be that a more ratisfao tory tariff law would be made than that which we now huve, hut I doubt it. It may be that our general situa tion would be improved, but 1 do not see how it Is possible. With respect to such procedure only one thing is certain, and that is that we would huve a period of suspense, of doubt and of uncertainty, that would work a more or less serious interruption to business.” That is the view entertained by the best business minds of the country. Those who have watched the making and the unmaking of tariffs know from experience what the process involve* in the shape of prolonged discussion and attempts to harmonize conflict ing views. Senator Foraker know* this, for he has had much to do with tariff legislation in the past 2G years. He realizes the wisdom at the remark of the late Thomas Ik Heed that it is very easy to revise u tariff—in your mind, but fai from easy when it comes to a final legislative procedure. Mr. Foraker is right in demanding that those who clamor for a change shall show that they know what they are clamoring for: "I want some man who is clamoring for an immediate revision to tell me what'evil is ho great it can no longer be endured; what duties are to be chang^l and what improvement in the situntW'. is to follow. Let us Ituvo a bill of particulars.” No man among the many who have spoken and written for immediate tar iff disturbance lias answered any of these questions. No man has yet fur nished a bill of particulars. As Mr. Foraker so forcibly puts it, no ono has asked tlie farmers whether and in what way they want the duties chang€»d. No one lias asked this question of the sugar growers, the to bacco growers, the rice growers, the mill owners, the pottery men, the glass men and those whom they employ. Ten million voters who work on farms and in factories have not been asked to state wherein the present tariff is working badly and ought to be changed. Senator Foraker’s idea is for a square deal in this matter of tariff re vision. He wants to know what is intended and for what reason. He does not want to go blindfolded into the business of tariff disturbance. He does not want the tariff ripped up "on general principles.” That is the at titude of conservative men in busi ness and in politics. They want to be shown. It is the attitude of all stand-patters.” They want to know what the great gains are to be that shall overbalance the absolutely cer tain losses through uncertainty, alarm and lack of confidence. They do not say that the tariff should never be revised, but they do Insist that the need for revision has not been made apparent and that the time for revi sion has not yet arrived. Their po sition would seem to be natural, rea sonable, logical. Have Pursued a Practical Course. The fact remains that the Republi can-party Is the only one which has shown any ability to solve the prob lem of tariff legislation in harmony with the Industrial growth of the coun try. The Democrats have tried upon several occasions to reach a solution but their failure is easily accounted for by the Tact that, a«, President liar rlnian said, they are “students of maxims rather than of markets.” Tariff reform cannot be successfully achieved in a studenVs closet. It is not the doctrinaire toachor of political economy In colleges or essay writer who is to blaze the wav of revision along lines that will benefit Instead of harm our industries. Before a so lution of the right kind can be obtnin ed the business men must bo consult ed. and whenever they are brought into the discussion the Democrats are compelled to retire. I he success of the Republicans in dealing with these matters Is due to the fact that they have pursued a practical course. They have consulted the great commercial and manufactur ing interests, and thereby t*ry hi,».e promoted the welfare of the whole country.—Denver Republican. w The Acrobat. The Demorrney of the north ?ut3 al ren»ly repudiated Hryan and Hryan Ism, I he south Is becoming suspi cious. Kit her the western meteor Is losing its dazzling brilliance or the political star gazers are realizing that they have been looking upon a false light. There is something of humor In th< spectacle of political gymnastics prf» Sented by the one time Idol. Govern ment railroad ownership having been so emphatically repudiated, we have had the theory of “ultimate" owner ship, with pronounced regulation In the meantime. Ibis theory, too, having failed to rally the disintegrating factions, wo have had from Mr. Hryan the theory of the initiative and referendum, based upon the apparent success In the cantons of Switzerland. Hut all except thfc socialistic element of tho party has laughed in the face of tho "peerless leader." To-day fie stands high and dry on the lone mount as one who has climbed to unstable heights of theory and cannot And a way to retrace his stens. ten years of pain. b e to Do Even Housework Be f cau*« of Kidney Troubles. ■ Mrs- Margaret Emmerich, of Clin* St.. Napoleon, O., says: “For -jnrteen years I wa:i a great sufferer from kidney trou bles. My back pained me terribly. Every » turn or move caused £ sharp, shooting I pain3. My eyesight / was poor, dark spots appeared before me. and I had dizzy spells. For ten years i couia not do housework, and for two years did not get out cf the houseu The kidney secretions were Irregular, and doctors were not helping me! Doan’s Kidney Pills brought me quick relief, and finally cured me. They saved my life.” Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milbum Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Rule of Cornish Chapel*. In Cornish (Eug.) chapels the In variable rule is for the men to sit on one side of the building and tho women on tb- other. A \ isitor a..cl his fiancee, who are staying in the district, went to chapel, and just before the service began the young man was greatly astonished when the chapel steward, observing that the couple were seated in the same pew, came over to him and, in. an audible voice, said: “Come on out of that, me son; we don't ’av* no sweetheartin* ’ere.” The Three-Milkmen. A man in a small western townu bought a quart of milk and on arriv ing home found It was adfilteraied with water. The next day he posted bills In different sections of the town reading: I bought a quart of milk yesterday which I found to be adulterated. If the scoundrel will bring me another quart I'll not denounce him.” I he next day he found three quart cans on his doorstep. There were three dairymen In the town.—Judge’s Library. Late Already. Five minutes after the tardy gong had struck, the principal of the school was walking through the lower hall when he saw a pudgy little fellow scampering toward the first grade room as fast as his fat legs could carry him. “See here, young man, I want to talk to you,” called the prin cipal to the late comer. “I hain’t got lime to talk to you; I’m late already,” replied the breathless beginner as the door of his classroom closed.—The* Circle. Punishment by Inches. A Rergcn (Genesee county) justice' 'f th« peace has adopted an original ichemc for the dispensation of justice, j tlenry Meyer, 27 years old and seven, 'oet two inches tall, was a prisoner in lis court for stealing four bags of* >ats. He was sentenced to 90 days in ail, one day for each inch of stature ind one for each bag.—Nunda (N. Y.) News. Chance for Collectors. An oil portrait of J. Pierpont Mon pan is among the unclaimed dutiable* goods in the government stores at". New York. It will be offered at public sale. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself; nothing can bring you peaee but the triumph of principles.—R. W«j Emerson. Let thy discontents be thy secrets. —Franklin. FOOD FACTS Grape-Nuts FOOD i A Body Balance $ People hesitate at the statement that the famous tood, Grape-Nuts, yields as much nourishment from one pound as: can be absorbed by the system from' ten pounds of meat, bread, wheat or oats. Ten pounds of meat might con tain more nourishment than one pound, of Grape-Nuts, but not in shape that the system will absorb as large a pro portion of, ns the body ran take up from one pound of Grape-Nuts. Tills food contains the selected parts* I of wheat and barley which are p-e- , pared and by natural means pr»tV* I gested, transformed into a form of' J sugar, ready for immediate asslmlla- I tion. People in all parts of the world fl testify to the value of Grape-Nuts. I A Mo. man says: ”1 have gained ten. fl pounds on Grape-Nuts food. I car* J ‘ruly recommend It to thin people."^ He had been eating meat, bread, etc right along, but there was no tei^B pounds of added flesh until Grape-Nuul food was used. ^^B One curious feature regarding health food Is that Its uso will reducsH flie weight of a corpulent person withH unhealthy flesh, and will add to th«^| weight «,f a thin person not properl j^B nourished. There is abundance o^B evidence to prove this. Grape Nuts balances the body In J^B condition of true health. Scientific '|iB lection of food elements makes Grajv-B Nuts good and valuable. Its delicloV \ flavor and powerful nourishing prtj^/ ertlcs have made friends that InV turn have made Grape-Nuts famous.J “There’s a Reason.” Read "The HoadBfl to Weil villa*” in pkga,.