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Good Jokes REAL DANGEROUS. The BtrNicer In the public play grounds noticed that the little boys *ere giving the little girls a wide berth on this particular morning. “That's queer,” he mused. "Say, sonny, I thought you little boys and girls played together f "We do some times,” enlightened the youngster on the sandpile, “but not today.” “And ■why not?" “’Cause it is as much as we can do to keep out of their way. They are playing suffragettes and ma king believe we are policemen.” Given by Mistake. Disgusted Customer (who has brought back a watch he purchased from Jeweler)—It was a disgrace toi you to sell me a watch like that It's gbsjOlutely impossible to make It go Iasi enough. Jeweler (after examining the time piece)—I most humbly beg you/ fi£r don, sir; you surely have good reason for being dissatisfied. I don’t know how the mistake happened, but I find that I sold you a plumber's watch. Under the Spell. "About this time last night,” said young Harlow, as he lighted a fresh cigarette, "I was sitting on a sofa be* Bide a girl, telling her that she was the only one In all the world I had B'Ver loved.” "And she believed it?” queried Dil lon. “Of course she did.” answered Har low. "Why, I believed It myself at the time.” Not Sympathetic. When I had told Mittens about the unhappy existence of his old friend, Mary Uotuseer, he gave not the slight est Indication ef symathy, but snapped: “It serves her right—It’s the girl’s own fault!” "Why Is It her fault?” I questioned. “It’s her fault,” he explained, “be cause she refused to grasp the oppor tunity I once gave her for marrying tasi.” Too Late. Dobson—Were there no restaurants in Newville? Dinwiddle—There were 10. Dobson—Then why did you have so much trouble getting a meal? Dinwiddle—I arrived too late. Dobson—But you told me you ar- : lived at 10 In the morning. Dinwiddle—So I did; but that was too late; the sheriff had arrived the day before. USED THE PADDLE ON HIM. Will—Say, Jack, your father de lights Id telling people that he pad died his own canoe. Jack—Yes; and I*ve often thought when I wag a boy that he imagined I was one. A Big One. I’d love to make a fortune, A pile big as the dickens; One big as Journals tell you You can make raising chlckena. Another Knock. ' The manager came out before the footlights with all his nerve and egotism. "And our leading lady," he announced In a loud voice, “Is a dyed in the-wool actress.” The old country man In the first row had noticed the peroxide curls of the star. "H’m!" be remarked In a stage whisper. "Sort of a dyed-ln the hair actress, too, eh, Mr. Manager?" A Probable Short Term. Mrs. Samuels—And such a man! But, of course, Mary married him for his money? Mrs. Heardum—Yes, and also be cause no company would run the risk of Insuring his life. Realism on the Stage. "Why don't the theatrical managers want husband and wife in the same company?" "They think the public wouldn’t •bre to see a man making love to bis wife.” "Looks too much like acting eh?” On Funds. "Did Billy call up his girl on the long distance?" "No." "Why not?" "He was too short.” Expecting Too Much. "Has your wife got a cook?" "How do I biowf "It seems to me that you should know if anyone should." "But 1 kaveu>been boms since noon.* kavenVt / •the coming race.1 Tell me, mother. Is It really True, as Jokers love to stats. That when you wers young as f V ou had meat to nvastlcatsT People tell such funny stories. Things that cannot be, you know. So I thought I*d ask you. mother. If this fairy tale were so. Tell me. mother, are they joking ^ hen these foolish people say Tou had butter on Oie table. Sometimes even tw»re a day? Eggs, I know, were once <|ulte common. This I learn from books I read. But that you ate meat and butter Seems Incredible. Indeed. Ullem Wallace Whltclock, Is Nes York Sun. HOW HE UNpgRSTOOD lT. Dr. Qulni—Did the colored doctor treat you very long? Ephraim—No, sah, he nebbah dona say treat once while he were coraio* heab. Oh, Joyl Lift up. ye bardlets, A Jubilant strain; Peek-a-boo trolleys Are with us agalnl Brief and Expressive. “Our chief is witty," said the de tect! ve with the telegram. "In what way?" asked the friend. "Why, the criminal we were after was named Rich. The chief tel* grnped three words that told all." "What were they?” "Get Rich quick.” A Bad Move. First Legislator—I took my wife with me to Annapolis yesterday to protect me from the feminine inva sion. Second Ditto—That was a wise move. 1 wish 1 had thought of it. First L.—Be glad you didn’t. She was converted, and Is now worse after me than they were. Toned Down. “To hear him talk, you'd think he owned the earth.” “You mean when his wife Isn’t around." “Yes.” When his w,fe Is close by, to hear him talk you’d think he owned about as much earth as the average angle worm.” How It Was. “I certainly admire that man.” “What in the world for?” “His will power.” “He has no will power at all." ‘Why, he told me that he Just made up his mind to quit smoking and be quit.” He’s lying; his wife made up her mind and he quit.” All Figured Out. “Why do you refuse to carry an um brella?” “Well, In a heavy storm you get wet anyhow, don’t you7” “I suppose so.” “And In a mild rain you don’t need one. Besides, somebody would steal It” KEPT TABS ON ’EM. Tom—Skinner always employs two lawyers. Jack—What for? Tom—He gets business advice from one and then consults the other about bow much be ought to pay of the first one’s bill. The Eaay-Qolng. Some people fight from day to day. With valor and persistence. While f there choose, along life’s way. The line of least resistance. Literally to. "Jinks tells me he Is living h gb." “So he la. In aaMtUg room, 1 bw llnve.” f ) t I MHI5M AND mtm INDUSTRIAL NOTES. A school devoted exclusively to the study of motor boats has been started at New York. The safest way to destroy black gunpowder is to throw it Into water, th« reby dissolving the saltpeter. A new boat, claimed by the inventor to be unsinkable. Is made by covering a perforated steel shell with grauu lat»‘d cork. A species of stlfT g-ass, which grows abundantly In India, is used for Bticks in the manufacture of matches In that country. The exportation af aluminum of do mestic production from the United States has Increased tenfold in the last seven venia. The use of wall paper containing de signs fn vertical Hues will mako a room in which it is used look both larger ancf fiigher. A patent has been granted for an at tachment to rocking chairs to operate a fan to cool the occupants while swaying to and fro. An Indlaua farmer has patented a potato digger which loadR the tubers into the wagon to which It is attached by an endless chain. For invalids’ use a bedstead hus been Invented in which the center of the head is made to swing out to form a head and shoulder rest. A Chinese has Invented n simple macliiue with which a person can mako straw braid of lino quality 12 times as rapidly as by hand. Within the last two centuries about fifty metals have been discovered by chemist explorers, but use has been found for only a few of them. As flax pulled from the ground yields u longer fiber than that reaped in the usunl way. a Canadian clergy man has Invented a pulling attach ment for binders. The largest wooden structure in the world is the Parliament building In Wellington. New Zealand, timber be ing preferred to stone because of the frequency of slight earthquakes. A Frenchman has Invented a proc ess for distilling gutta percha from the leaves of the Malay tree of that name, saving the trees from the dam ugo caused by tapping the trunks for the sap. A catch that will permit a window to be locked open to any desired ex tent, yet which contains a fusible link connected with a weight to close the window in the event of excessive heat, is a recent invention. A Californian has been granted a patent uj>on tongs for use in connec tion with a derrick In lifting heavy ob jects. the points of which carry wheels, locked automatically with ratchets when a load is raised. READING LAMP IS IMPROVED So Constructed That It Will Burn Gas oline, Kerosene or Alcohol With Equal Brilliancy. What appears to be an Improvement on the ordinary reading lamp has been designed by a Kansas man. It Is so constructed that It will burn gasoline, kerosene, or alcohol with equal bril liancy, It Is claimed, the only change required being a different nozzle for each fuel. The wick can be turned up and down, but there Is no danger of turning It too high or too low, and Its chief feature is that the Inventor claims an explosion to be impossible. Any brilliancy up to 300 candlepower can be obtained with this lamp, but the light is shaded so that no direct rays enter the eyes. The lamp Is said to cost less to operate than a common Chimneyless Lamp. oil burner. yet to give about 20 times the amount of light. There la no chlra ey to break and no wick to trim and the design la auch that It can b« quickly and easily cleaned. All amoke, dirt or disagreeable odors are aald to be eliminated, and as tho center of gravity Is below the handle the lamp la difficult to upset. An Isle of Sulphur. One of the moat extraordinary islands in the world la located In the of Plenty, New Zealand. The amall bit of land Is called White laland. and consists mainly of sulphur, the lat ter mixed with gypsum and other min erals. The Island Is about three hiiles In circumference and rises about one thousand feet above the sea. The Mii phur from White laland la very p ira and efforts have been mt.de to obt In It for commercial u»e AUTO WRENCH VERY USEFUL Handle Co Shaped That It la Especial ly Serviceable In Removing Tires ^rom Wheel. An automobile wrench of manifold uses has bean designed by a New York man. It can be used either on nuts or pipes and the handle is so shaped that it is especially serviceable in re moving tires from the wheel rims or for providing good leverage in the In numerable things to be done around motor cars. In appearance the article resembles an ordinary monkey wrench and with the attachment oft it is noth ing more than that. The attachment, Useful Auto Wrench. however, constats of a sloping jaw pivoted to n loop which passes over the head of the wrench nn»l holds the Jaw firmly In place, thus transforming tho utensils Into a tool by which a good grip may be obtained on a pipe or any other round object. The jaw attachment can be quickly adjusted or removed and the spring loop holds It as tight as If it was fixedly Jointed to the tool. These wrenches are attrac tively made In nlckled or mottled fin ish Hnd come In individual cartons. FOUNTAIN BRUSH IS LATEST Works on 8ame Principle as Pea— Handle Acts as Reservoir for Ink or Paint. Everybody has heard of the fountain pen and knows the principle on which It works, but it has remained for a Michigan man to Invent a fountain brush. The brush works on the satnn principle as the pen. A hollow handle acts as a reservoir for the marking fluid—paint. Ink or whatever It may bo. At the lower end of this handle is a Fountain Brush. cylindrical opening into which th< brush is Inserted, the upper end of the brush closing the inside end of thla chamber and the liquid flowing down through a spring operated valve and filling the lower part of the chamber, which taperfl to an opening Just large enough for the tip of the brush to pas* through. A colled tube admits air to this chamber. FIBER-MADE PACKING BOXES — Scarcity of Wood Creates Demand for I Substitute In Manufacture of Receptacles. An wood grows scarcer and higher In price the demand for a substitute In the manufacture of packing boxen grows more and more insistent. In this connection there has been recent ly brought out a partially made box of fiber, with some Interesting fea tures. As they are shipped to the consumer the boxes are folded flat, cut In such shape as to render them easily set up. The two ends of the fiber are securely riveted together and the fiber Is creased to permit fold ing Into box shape. The cases are se cured In shape with gummed strlpa, the strips being furnished with the cases, cut to the required sire. The point is made that the gummed strips securely seal the case so that there is no chance for "concealed losses." It is possible for wooden shipping cases (o be pried open in transit, some of the contents taken out and then nailed up again ao that they are apparently In good condition at transfer points or when reaching destination. This cannot be done with the fiber case. A saving Is claimed for them In first cost, shipping weight, storage space and efficiency. Canadian Purs. For a number of years Canada baa been exporting to the United States about $1,500,000 worth of furs annual ly, about one-balf the Dominion's out put A ten-year old clove tree will pro duce about twenty pounds Of floras # year ■ iv •> ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT ANegetable Preparation Tor As* similating (tie Food and Regula ting (he Stomachs and Bowls of iVKVN IS. < MILD (UN Promotes Digestion,Cheerful ness and Rest .Contains neither Opium.Morphine nor Mineral Not Mar c otic n /WjRf (H<i 3rSAMKt/nXM£* § $-4* A perfect Remedy forConstipa tion. Sour Stomach.Diarrhoea Worms .Convulsions .Feverish ness and LOSS OF SLEEP. IFac Simile Signature of Twe Centaur Company^ NEW YORK, Alt> immths old 35 Dusks -J j C t > t?> guaranteed under the Food a j Exact Copy of Wrapper, CUSTOM For Infknta mn.A Children The.Kind You Hare Always Bou{ Bears the Signature of In lisn For Over Thirty Years CUSTOM Surprise for the Deity. "Pnpa," taid a littlo girl, rushing Into the room with the air of one bring ing valuable Information, "did you know that the llrowu’s little baby wns dead?” "Yes, dear, I heard of It. Aren’t you sorry?" "Yes. but, papa, it was only threo days old." "1 know, love." “And don’t you think God will be surprised to see it como back so soon?" A Trained Nurse’s Experiences with Resinol Ointment. I npplied Hcsinul to an ulcerated leg of six months' standing. Almost every thing had been tried to heal It. Made two applications a day for four weeks and leg was permanently healed. I have used Heslnol on children’s faces to heal eruptions and for every thing that seemed to need an ointment with satisfactory results in every case. Mrs. Isadore E. Cameron, Augusta, Me. (Graduated Nurse.) He Gets “Commercial Extra.” "Don’t you touch that Hprig of cel ery!” commanded Mrs. Heckpen. "Why not?” asked Mr.. Heckpen. “Ain’t it good?” “Good? Certainly it's good—it’s the best there is. I'm keeping that for the canary.” Red, V%enk. Weary. Watery Btm, Relieved By Murine Eye Remedy. Try . .Vr,n?.F5r You.r KJ* Trouble*. You Will IJke Murine. It Soothos. 60c at Your Druggists. Write For Eye Books. Frss Murine Eye Remedy Co.. Chlcugo. The average man can’t understand why he has enemies. Mr». Winslow’s Soothing Syrup. For children teething, softens t he gums, rcducesln* tUujumUon^Usyspein. cures wind oollc. Iict bolus. Some animals multiply rapidly and sorao snakes are adders. A girl Isn't necessarily an angel be cause she’s fly. v ZSu0\mr9^ fg DODDS ' f Kl D N EY - PILLS J '•>< *• KidneV SrgfJ I WILL MAKE YOU PROSPEROUS ■ Hrawara bonaa* and amhtkloaa write ma .1 w*f »• aMU* *km row lira nr what Bk r«w norn pal Ion. I w 11 tewrfc jm Ilk* Baal Ilf »>late bwalaaaa hr wall at^>1n« row fteadal ■flf *#r>raa«nte*irr of ai (Van pan r la ynwriown; V il»f1 j .i In a i rUWW. ‘ Wawl halp foo mala hit f U Unnaaal apparlunltr far man artthawf •aallal «• haaafna la«a»aa«aM far Iffa. VafwaWte Irak ana full partkawfin mac. Wrfta laWar ■ATIOVAi 80-OffBATtVI RKAITT10. (.riiun H*nl» Rinilag *Mkli(<n, 9. O. I /VBSOPbine R*morf« Rnnwl KnlantDinfinU, Thlfkan^d. Mwollen Tltin«il Cnftm, fllM Temlonl, HorrnuM from *nf MVnU« or Htrnln, I urn Spavin I ,am«n *>•«, Alla/a Polo. I«w» not Hliatar, rtnioTa tb«> hair or I my tli« horn up, 92 oo m !*!*!» Iw** MpoW t T. Irm*. inHORDINK, JR., (ntnklnil |1 and R |x,t4l)i ) ror HynoTiila fHcain*. Oiuty or RkMBtUo 1% •0*1 U. Varl.ojw Vein*, Varicocele, Hydrocele. Alt»r« P**n. io«i’ dnalu ran anpply reference*. Wlllt*llroa mom If you writ*. Send for fr»« b<iok tad trabioi.ltli Mfi1. only by m. w. rorji, p. 9. »„ r.9 t»-,u m., Krrte^uu. Im. FREE IRHKiATORS Very valuable wo _ __ 100 pace «M).odO «<rd,. Actual exper ience In Twin Kail* Country, Ida!#. _ Book worth 1180 &wnd nameeot Bve HARI) BOOK work Jn*t publltbed rdt Actual ^ liv» W. N. U., CINCINNATI, NO. 27-1910. Don't Persecute your Bowels CARTER’S LITTLE LIVER PILLS ^ Purrif vagvtaMa. A<S s±«r' •oo(KadM<Uic4l« TSidxA Car* Cm Se2t tit m Carters ftiefc HnhAi uj liH|i<u, u mBTioni know. Small Pill. Small Doaa. Small Price GENUINE mart boar agnaturTT^ WESTERN CANADA What Governor Danaan, of llllnola. Saya About ItN ir Dwmii, of Illlno of land la fccaAi IIo nil Mid an Interviews dollghtod to KO th« BO Tiinrkuhlo juroirHi of Weatorn Out. ado. Oar P*oplo »ro flook l nS across 4ho boundary In thoa Mndo. and I nsrn not rot ■“ is^who admitted are i-I boro la anartH-l/ a no unity in tho Middle , i,;* g^rn unity *«» tl>« Middle or wsstern llt.itiu that hna 125 Million Bushels el Wheat in 1909 i 'Waatorn Oansila 1VQ will nnxilv »l« •r $170,000,000, "••"•'M-tWMtonf IHOisrrwa. £i Lof IflOurrea * vA?® «n nrrs. Hallway and and (oinnonlna Iiuto land for anla at rwaaonabln prloea. Many farm ern hnvaTpnl# for ihol'r iisuVl'Wut T<«'«e<ls of one **>" prooewda ol N|»l»nilln ellmaiit, g, • s<w>l|rtnt ritllwny f# ((MHlwhiloils! iiciim.-,, low frolwht rntoa. wooil, witer iiud ol>«r iwslljr oblalmdiM m lllIL.rwa . IBHI IlWf Jfnr pamphlet "Laat Moat Went •* particulars aa to an I tabla location iT?Jssfefe M. M. WILLIAMS Law Bulldlno Toledo, Ohio (P«s addraas ns a mat too.) f»j Work While Millions of people have CA3^ CARETS do Health work for them. If you have never tried this great health maker—Get a lOo box—and yon will never nse any other bowel medicine. na CAACAMtTA ioc • box for a week's treatment, all d In U»e world. ] YOU CAN STOP DRINKING Your Husband, Son or Friend from ■f *!.^**i? »f. i. |t tafia*. AMrn, H. (tie. Ckkta(«, III., 40 Dc»rt • tract. tlMolataaacracr ^r .inlwU.’ DAISY FLY KILLER CrSrrcmt Lute Alia*****. IIMit(*/ul*>mte •>lllwu>*r «*.«!• *l»l attmiu** f*«u**. f »na*«i»»» •IMIfu^aMIteNte rimui want IM Mate iu, Br»*H>*. a*« V«*% <tOA !• WHAT WK CAN 8AV1 YOU ON ANY BUQQY Top Baggie*. Runaboot* Carts and Wagons* ) Wboel*, Top Trimming* Writ# for Prtooo TIL CAJU1 an BU08 A SCHEU C'X 400 CMrt ami Sroa«fM| Clne*»maU, 11 you Hfn*1 for my Murc4Ntnftil pirultrjr nxthtxl that toll* how to mkkt 100 tamtlty M a day. Man«ror»l*M^ I wnd Iton fro* trial and anaraatao to mafea yonr lay bo fora yon pay. Bra. a. t mT, in --vt. a» MORE iifSi EGGS DEFI1I0E ITIRCI •«?«? ifbhk to tM Inm.