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A Scottish territorial was having his tlrst experience of night duty and was feeling a little nervous. The pass word was “discount." In the darkest of the small hours a black form suddenly stepped up to falm. ‘Wh-wh-who goes there?" he chal lenged. “Friend." was the reply. Advance, f-f-friend and give the d-d discount." Exposed to Temptation. *T hope you will be happy, Mary.” •aid the mistress to her maid, who was leaving to get married. ’’Thank you, ma’am. My young man is very steady, considering his environment." “What does he do, Mary?" “He's valet to a young millionaire, .•ma'am." NO GOAT MILK FOR HER. "1 got his goat.” I don’t see what good that does. •When w# use cow's milk ’’ Angel Johnny. . Johnny, with a thirst for gore. Nailed the baby to the floor; Mother said, with a weary shrug: "Johnny, dear, don’t spoil the rug.” A 8liding Scale. “What’s your fee for legal advice?’’ inquired the prospective client. That depends,” replied the lawyer. *1? you merely want me to tell you What the law allows you to do, I’ll charge you five dollars, but if you want to find out how you can do what the law forbids, and get away with It, my fee is from $100 up." T orpedoed. Bill—It must be awful to be tor pedoed. Jill—It is. “Why, were you ever?" "Sure." "Where?" "Up In the country." “In the country?” “Yes, by a bee.” Singularly Inappropriate. Mrs. Jonsing—Dls hyah new minis "ter am a fine preachah, but he am de leanest an’ skinniest young man I eb bah see! Mrs. Black—Yes, an’ he done tole «nah husband, what weighs 240, to bo «rar' les’ he should be weighed In de balance an’ foun’ wantin’!—Puck. Paw's Idea of It. Little Lemuel—Say, paw, is the einare of a drum a kind of trap? Paw—No, son. You are probably thinking of the snare of the wily drummer. QUITE DIFFERENT NOW. "When I was a boy I used to think there was a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?" "And now?" "I have turned my attention from rainbows to mining stocks." In the Asylum. "W hat s the matter with the queer patient over there who Is going through such queer antics?" lies crazy on the subject of train itig feds, and ho thinks he s trying to make a moondog bark at a sunflsh." Force of Habit. "How do you suppose her business admirer proposed to Katherine?" "How?" He wrote to her asking ff she would give him the refusal of her Jkand ?" Paw Knew ’Em Both. I.itt’e Lemuel—What Is a pessimist, paw? ,aw A pessimist, son, is a man who meets trouble hulf way. Little Lemuel—And what Is an op timist? I’aw—An optimist Is a man who doesn’t meet trouble at all if he sees tt tirat. 8omewhat Different. ”1 nave just finished reading an ac count of bow they burned heretics at the stake In ancient times.’’ said the moralizer. "Such barbarism would not be tolerated In this enlightened age “ "No. indeed!” rejoined the demoral ■ lzer. "The modern heretic is let oft with a row.st in the religious journals.” The Rea. Jest. ”1 don’t see hoy. that little Mrs Grumpy can seem so well satisfied with her husband. He never kisses her or shows her any mark like that, of afTectlon.” “Maybe not. but he gives her spend ing money without her ever hnving to aak for it” What He Was Thinking Of. Mrs. Macon — 1 see to obtain abso lute quiet a Dutch scientist has had three roomB constructed, one tnsidd another, and has created vacuums be tween the walls. Mr. Macon—Oh. well, every married man couldn’t afford to go to that ex pense, dear. Dead Letters. A legislative act. though fair. May oft he far from strong. We puss a law with patient cars. And then puss It along. A Shy Shopper. That fellow has been dodging around the hosiery department for hours Is he a shoplifter?” Oh, no,” suid the floorwalker. ”1 know the symptoms. He has been ordered to buy some stockings for his wife, and he is trying to catch a moment when there are no women at the hosiery counter." NOT UP TO DATE. Father—Well, my boy. I don t know of any way to make a living honestly except by working for It Son—Oh! spruce up, dad, and shake those obsolete Ideas of yours. It Would Seem So. Old Skinner—Yes. I advertised for a handy man to work about the prem ises. I want a man who doesn’t chew, smoke, drink or gamble. Applicant—And the wages? Old Skinner—Six dollars a week. Applicant—Huh! 1 guess you want a man that doesn’t eat. either. Seeking 8olace. ’’Bllggins Ih careful not to let golf interfere with business " "He has to bo,” replied Miss Cayenne. "Nothing but good business could take his mind off h‘s bad golf.” Repartee. **I came to steel,” said the funny rat. "And I spring to embrace you,” re joined the rnatter-of fact steel trap, aa it gathered the newcomer In. At 8he Saw It. Him -I very seldom associate with anyone who knows more than I do. Her—What a dreary, lonesomo Ilfs you must lead! Familiar Odor. This Is the mcn of gasoline, A truth we realise full well. As proved hy the signs of all men s~«* And also l>y our senso of smell. Facts In the Cats. Mrs. Dash —Are you still keeping hoarders? Mrs. Hash No; my boarders art keeping me. Daily Papers. His Wife—Aren't you ever coming to breakfast, Hahlngton? He- Yes, yos, dear I'vs nearly fin ished the morning papers now, and I only want to glance at the evening papers that have just come in. Still At It. The firltlsh militant suffragette* ' say they want to work like men for i the government Instead of smashing I wlndown " "I see They arA going. Instead. tA smash traditions. / ME EUROPEAN WAR A YEAR AGO THIS WEEK Oct. 18. 1914. Severe fighting near Nieuport and in Alsace. Germans repulsed' by Belgians at River Yser and by French at St. Die. Germans evacuated Courtrai. Austrians repulsed at River San. Serbians routed Austrians on the Save and the Drina. Anti-German riots in London. President Poincare's country house destroyed by Germans. Oct. 19, 1914. Allies, aided by British war ships. repelled German advance between Nieuport and Dixmude. Germans attacked allied line from Ostend to Lille. Fierce fighting near Warsaw and Przemycl. Serbians captured Sarajevo forts. British battleship Triumph dam aged at Tsingtau. Japanese cruiser Takachiho sunk by German submarine in Kiaochow bay Austrian submarine sunk by French cruicer in Adriatic. Fifty thousand Belgian refugees returned from Holland. Irish nationalists in London took pledge to avenge Belgium. Italian fleet mobilized. Oct. 20. 1914. Germans gained near Lille. Battles along banks of the Yser. on the Arras-Roye line and on the Meuse. Allies reported recapture of Bruges. Przemysl forts badly damaged. Austrians advanced in Stryj and Stica valleys. Serbians won at Prekiet. British submarine E-3 sunk. Japanese fleet took islands of Marianne group. Two German ships sunk at Ja luit. Oct. 21, 1914. British monitors bombarded Ger man right wing on Belgian coast. Allies repulsed German attacks at Nieuport, Dixmude and La Bas cee. Heavy fighting on the Yser. Russians defeated German-Aus trians in northern Poland and halted Austrians at the San. Serbians repelled Austrian at tacks in Bosnia. Cattaro again bombarded. German cruiser Emden sank five British steamships in Indian Ocean. All unnaturalized German and Austrian residents in England of military age ordered put in deten tion camps. Oct. 22, 1914. French retook Altkirch. General Helmuth von Moltke. chief of German general staff, re tired on account of health. Russians defeated Germans near Warsaw. Russians captured many Austri ans and some guns in Galicia. French and British warships bombarded German positions on Belgian coast. British cruiser Carmania dam aged. American relief committee cabled $50,00 to Belgians. Oct. 23, 1914. German right wing, re-enforced, gained ground at La Bassee. Heavy fighting between the Ghent-Bruges line and Roulers. Russians won battle along the Vistula and pursued the Austrians in Poland. Germans moved fortified posi- j tions to River Warthe. Austrians reoccupied Czerno- j witz and announced capture of forts near Sambor. German aviators dropped bombs on Warsaw. Woman spies executed in Ger many, They Always Do. ‘ Does anyone think your non ha:i a future?” "Yea; the life Insurance companies.” Life. The Desired Consummation. "I'm troubled with a sense of full ness after eating.’ said the dyspep tic. "Good heavens!” exclaimed the healthy gourmand. Isn't that what you eat for?" The Main Thing. "Seems strange to me how- many various sorts of Inquiries the news papers have about coins' ”Vlhy ao?" » "Irj my circle all a man wants fla kno i about a coin Is if it s good. ^ Boudoir Coat of China Silk Slipped on over a frilly petticoat of silk, or ono of plaited crepe do chine, an embroidered coat of light-colored china silk is pretty enough to put one in a good humor in tho early morning hours. Here is pictured a contribu tion from the Orient that is a thing of beauty and a joy as long as it lasts. The coat is cut like a kimono, on the simplest of lines. ft is somewhat longer than a three-quarter length, and is slashed up at each sido to a depth of about eight inches at the bottom. There is a shaped hand of silk about the neck and down the front opening. The fastening is made with frogs of silk cord that match the silk in color. In the picture a coat is shown made in a lovely shade of grayish blue silk and lined with white silk of the same kind. The color makes the best of ba< kgrounds tor the long sprays of flowers and leaves that wander over the surface of the coat The chrysan themum, shaded from pink to white. Is the flower so faithfully portrayed in tho embroidery. The stems and leaves are in a soft gray green. The embroidery appears at each sido of the front and across the back, with one long spray extending down tho side. Buds and leaves are scattered over the band at the neck and at the bottom of the sleeves. A small white silk cord outlines the band at each side. Other coatB are shown with the wild rose or the wisteria blossom used Instead of the chrysanthemum. Coats of the same shape and design but of heavier silks and richer em broideries, are used for evening wear. The boudoir coat shown is a very in expensive afTalr, but is as beautiful as those used for evening, although it is so much more simple in its decoration. Button Bag. •‘Button, button, who's got the but ton?” It should be in your button bag. madam; but if you have not any, here is an odd little pattern that you might copy. Make a perfectly ordi nary little bag with a square bottom and a drawstring. You may use natu rnl-colored linen, and out of the same linen make four pockets for the out side of the bag, binding them with col ored tape. The flaps of these pockets are fastened with the variety of but ton that is intended to bo kept in each pocket. As decoration, you might em broider some sunbounet babies and, instead of the bonnets, supply faces of painted buttons. Fad for Furs and Feathers' All sorts of furs and all sorts of feathers aro to he found In neckwear and millinery for tho romlng winter. Fur as a trimming for fabrics and in neckwear, and fur sets, appears to he better liked than in all-fur garments. Matched seta of three pieces, show lug muff, neckpiece and hat trimming of the same fur. or all of them made up of some fur trimmed fabric, are among the most elegant and practical offerings of the new season. The neckpiece and fur-trimmed turban at tho right of the picture glv en hero recommend themselves to maid and matron alike. As shown, the high pompon and soft collar are made of white angora, but the same Idea is carried out In other furs such as martin and fox. or any of tho long haired skins. The turban has a high crown cov ered with white satin and a smartly rolling brim of black velvet. The olg fur pompon Is its only trimming. At the left a toque shape entirely covered with hackle feathera In black ^nd Biigiar Wue Is made to conform to the shape of the head. At the left side a fan, made of wide blue velvet ribbon, set together In throe rows, gives tho required height. The feath ers fnll with their own natural gram about tho head at the sides and hark, and the toque in exceptionally becom ing. Moth these hats may be worn by women of middle age, and the all feather tV ban in designed for them. The richness of tho darker furs, used as shown in the picture, make the high-crowned turban trimmed with them a distinctly good model for the matron. JULIA BOTTOMLEY. Apron Is Model. The humble kitchen apron has been the inspiration for many smart semi princess designs; the pinafore of our childhood days has reappeared In the sashed overdresses of checked, striped or plain talTeta. and the dainty, frilly apron of milady* maid appears on afternoon and dance frocks. The finest of laces are used for the lattar. IN STERLING LIVES A GIRL Who Suffered A* Many Girls Do—Tell* How She Found Relief. Sterling, Conn.—“I am a girl of 22 years xnd 1 used to faint away every month and was very weak. I was also bothered a lot with female weakness. 1 read your little book ‘Wisdom for Wo men,’ and I caw how others had been helped by Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegeta ble Compound, and decided to try it, and it has made mn feel HKe a new girl and 1 am now relieved of all these troubles. I hope all young girla will get relief aa I have.' I never felt better in my life.”—Mrs. John Tetreault, Box 116, Sterling, Conn. Massena, N. Y.—“I have taken Ly dia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound and I highly recommend it. If anyone wants to write to me I will gladly tell her about my case. I was certainly in a bad condition as my blood was all turn ing to water. I had pimples on my faca and a bad color, and for five years I had been troubled with suppression. The doctors called it ‘Anemia and Exhaus tion,’ and said I was all run down, but Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com pound brought me out all right.” —Miss La visa Myres, Box 74, Massena, N.Y. Young Girls, Heed Tills Advice, Girls who are troubled with painful or Irregular periods, backache, headache, dragging-down sensations, fainting spells or indigestion,should immediately seek restoration to health by taking Ly dia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. Very Absent-Minded. In Berlin they tell the story of a very learned and also absent-minded professor who returned to his room late one night, and as he was light ing the candle fancied he heard a noise. He promptly called out: "Ts there anyono here?’’ A thief lay concealed under the bed. Hearing the question, and knowing the professor's falling, he Bhoutcd in reply. “Nor Then the professor exclaimed In much surprise: “That’s exceedingly strange! I was positive someone waB under the bed." Then he retired to rest and the thief ransacked the room. Wash day is smile day if you u*e Red Crows Ball Blue, American made, therefor* the. beat made. Adv. Half a lie Is no better than a whole one. Carefully Treat Children's Colds Neglect of children’s colds often lays the foundation of serious lung trouble. On the other hand, it is harmful to continu ally doso delicute little stomachs with in ternal medicinos or to keep the children always indoors. riouty of fresh air in the bedroom and a good application of Vick’s “Vap-O-Rub** Balve over the throat and chest at. the first sign cf trouble, will keep tho little chape free from colds without injuring their di gestions. 25c, 60c, or $1.00. TNC arnuiNCHAS THIS TRADC MARK ‘ VSporu_6 VICKS Pneumonia SALVE Make the Liver Do its Duty Nine times in ten when the liver la right the stomach and bowels are right CARTERS LITTLE LIVER PILLS gently butfirmly comri pel a lazy liver toJgP do its duty. Anm Cures Con •tipation, In* digestion, M Sick ^ Headache,^ ana uutren After bating. SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE. Genuine must bear Signature A Soluble Antiseptic Powder to be dissolved in water as needed For Douches In the local treatment of woman'■ Ilia, anch as leurorrhoea and Inflammation, hot douche# of I’axtlne aro very efficacious. lio woman who has ever used medicated . douches will fail to appreciate the clean and healthy condition I’axtine produces ami tho prompt relief from soreness and discomfort which follows its use.This is because i’sxtimi possesses superior cleansing, disinfect* I For ten years tlie Lydia K. ! Finkham Meditdno Co. has ree om monde-l Far tine in their private correspondence with wo men, whi^h proves its superi ority. Women who have r»een relieved say it is ” worth its weight in /old.” At druggists. EB2 bjkt. larg* ?k»x or ny mail Sample free The Paxton Toilet Co.f Bouton, Mnie, —“TSrReSvS —I HAIR BALAAM A toilet preparation of merit. 1 Help* to eradicate dandruff. For Rnlnrini Color end Beauty toGray or Faded Hair.