THE VOLCANO LUBRICATOR. THE ORGAN OF THE WEST VIRGINIA OIL PRODUCERS. ........ GEORGE P. SARGENT, PUBLISHER & PROPRIETOR ~~~ VOLCANO, WEST VA., TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1S73. NO. .7 VOL. sJ Volcano Lubricator. Published every Tuesday ?by ? GEORGE P. SARGENT. Office: No. S, Raymond street. Subscription Bates: Oue year, invariably in advance, $3.00. Six months 44 44 44 i.a*. :o: 2.00 Advertising Rates One Square, one insertion, Each additional 41 i-oo One Square one year. *5-oo 14 " six months, 15.00 14 44 three months 10.00 One Fourth Column one year, 40.00 14 41 six months. 30.00 " 44 three months,, 20.00 One Half Colnmn oneyear, 70.00 " " six months, 60.00 44 44 three months, 50.00 One Column one year, 140.00 44 44 six months, 90.00 44 44 three months, 70.00 I ocal notices 20 cents per line. Xo notice inserted for less than one dollar. All yearly advertisers pay quarterly in ad Pa rkersb u rg A d vertise men ts? JOHN A. HUTCHINSON. JR. DAVE D.JOHNSON. //??/TCHINSON & JOHNSON, Attorneys and Counsellors at Lazv, Court Square, PARKERSBUR' \ W. V. SWANN HOUSE. ? B. Gilhekt, Proprietor, Parkersburg, W. Va. This is the only first-class Hotel in Parkersburg. It is fitted up with all the modern improvements. Pure soft water is constantly supplied from Ohio River, and is lighted" with gas and heated with steain. Strict attention given to guests. It is head-quarters for oil men ^M. H. BUSH, MERCIIAXT TAILOR, Court Street, PARKEReBURG, WEST VA' 1 I- .... .1 " and .veil se voun oirtci, 1 Always keeps on hand a large and .roll se lected stock of the best of Cloths. Cassimers Vesting*, &c. Sitijs made to orde." and upon the snortestnoce. All work warranted. A a large spplyof Gent's Furnishing Gocds al ways ou hand autn'71-iy. J. R. MEHEN, DEALER IV Groceries, Produce, And a full supply of fresh fish and oysters always on hand. Mar'.c; tiicci, acxtto Market House, Parkersburg, W. Va. m?ya7-4t. J^DWARD BRAIDON. PIOSEER TOBACCO WORKS FARKERSBURG, WEST VA. DILS, Gen. Fire, Marine /acc,,m PARKERSCl'RG, WEST VA. |uoe2C 71 tf. 1858, 1873, j.G. BLACKFORD, Forwarding and Commission 31 Fit ClIANT. Pork-packer, and curcr of the celebrated biantls of Maryland Sugar Cured Hams,' and Shoulders and breakfast Bacon. ? DLALt.lt I.N? Stiplc and Fancy Groceries, Provisions. Liq uors. Argosy and othei choice brands of Hour Agent for Pomeroy Salt Co. Poineroy Iron Co*s. Nails. Louisville Lime and Cement. Xenia Powder Co. <\:c. ?Vc. Ann Street, above Court, Parkersburg, West Va. m.ii'6-6tn Poetry. I Cannot Call Her Mother. 1IY MUS. SAK All T. UOLTON. The marriage rile is over, And ti\ough I turned aside To keep the guests from seeing The tears 1 could not hide ? I wreathed my face in smiling, And led tny little brother To greet my father's chosen, But 1 could not call her mother. She is a fair young creature, With a meek and gentle air, With blue eyes, soft and loving, And silken sunny hair; 1 know my father gives her The love he bore another; But if she were an angel 1 could not call her mother. To-night I heard her singing A song I used to love. When its sweet tones were uttered By her who sing's above. It pained my heart to hear it, And my tears 1 could not smother; For every word was hallowed By the dear voice of my mother. My father, in the sunshine Of happy days to come, May half forget the shadow That darkened our old home. ^Iis heart no more is lonely, But me and little brother Must ttill be orphan children God can give us but one mothci. They've borne my mother's picture From its accustomed place, And set beside my father's A younger, fairer face; They've made her fine old chamber The boudoir of another; But 1 will not forget thee, My own. my angel mother. Humor our. llow can manufacturing pay when it takes ten mills to make a cent? A Detroit furniture man hung out a card inscribed, ''Buggy! For Sale!" and placcd it on a second-hand bed stead. A Cleveland woman was fright ened to death while savi.ig her pet dog from being run over. The dog is all right. ' A Western parson delicately be gan s. funeral discourse by alluding to the fact that lie had officiated at the hanging cf the father of the deceased. Punch sarcastically says: "Educa tion produces great results in the Uni ted States. It is said to make good children even out of the Cincinnati boys." The dying words of a Delaware wo man were: "Henry, if you ever marry again, remember it only tal.es a cupful ol sugar to sweeten a quart of goose berries." Postal cards are now used for the detection of criminals. Photographs of the person are pasted on the cards, which are sent broadcast in every di rection. The sprightly Boston Transcript a?ks, "If a Miss is as good as a mile, how good is a Mrs?" If she is a wid ow she will be good for a league under almost any circumstances. ?? ^ 9 "Do you think," asked Mrs. Pep per, "that a little temper is a bad thing in a woman?" "Cer.ainly not," re sponded a gallant philosopher; "it is a good thing, and she ought never to lose it." A La Ckosse man, who committed tuicide, wrote a note for his wile, which said: "I'm going to a country where red -headed women are never seen." She was so mad she wouldn't attend the funeral. A Quaker having sold a fine-look ing but blind horse, asked the purchas er, "Well, m_y friend, dost thou see any fault in him?" "No," was the answer. "Neiiher w ill he see an y lault in thee." said old broadbrim. After Mr. Casey had finished read ing the "Declaration," on the I'ourlh, at Mound City, ll'inois, a man rose and moved that the speech be publish ed, that it was one of the best speeches he had ever "hecrn" in his life. It is suggested that all the remain ing servants of George Washington attend the Centennial Celebration in one bod_\, with becoming escort. Hav ing been collected, they can be killed oil' altogether, and the country relieved of them lorever. A:v exchange remarks that notwith standing the fact that the recent tor nado in Iowa blew the leathers oil" Irom tin; poultry, we have yet to hear of a single instance of a woman los ing her lalse nair. The moral of which is, that chickens should use hair-pins when venturing out in a tornado. Miscellany. The Danbury News Man. SOME OF Ji la VOU'i 111- CL tXl'tUiENC ES IN ROME. James Montgomery Bailey, the sub ject of our sketch, was born of "poor, but respectable parents," in the good old Dutch ciiy ol Albany, on the 25th of September, 1S41. His fcther, who was a builder, fell, with several others, from a building on the 4th of March, 1844. A few years after his mother married again, and the family removed to Iwme, N. Y. Although it may have a depressing influence upon the coming generation, the truth must be told, that when young he was rather wild, and could always be found with "them nasty boys." At an early age he essayed peddling apples, but not getting vio lently rich, he, at his mother's urging, went to school. When about fifteen years of age James attempted the law, but a linen coat thwarted his purpose and pre vented his shining at the bar. It seems the other oiiice boy was much smarter at throwing ink, and more dexterous in avoiding it. '1 lie damaged condi tion in which James brought that coat home one night to his sorrowing moth er so depressed her that she withdrew him from the bar. He next turned his attention to the grocery business, but a sweet tooth ri valing his assiduity, he clerked "at it'' only long enough to tell the lump su irar barrel in the daik.? I The grocer at parting gave his esti- 1 mate of James' true value, but thought lie would prove a "Lad" to any one who would boil him up or down, lit even went out of his v/ay to inform James' stepfather that his parting with him was very much like parting with the best part of his stock. Turning from "trade and barter," he plunged into literary pursuits, and wrote a novtl! Another boy, similar ly inclined to plunge, surreptitiously obtained type from the Roman Citizen and cheerfully controctcd to publish the work. They reached ihe second chapter, and. owing to the thrilling na ture ( f the tale, were warmed up to their work, when that Roman citizen, in propria persona , made a descent on the publishing house of Bailey & Co., and carried o.T the entire e fleets, in cluding the cherished MSS., in his pocket handkerchief. Thus again was the yearning of his aspiring soul diverted from its course, and his future made a howling wilder ness. The novel v. as of a domestic char acter, abounding in every day occur rences, such as well-performed assas sinations, and cleverly executed poi sonings, all centering around the most enduring love for tiiat "wisest, noblest and best of gifts to man ? wo man." The novel was enlitled "The Aven ger-r r" and was well calculated to make trouSle in the literary world. About 1859 young Bailey returned to Albany, and lived with his grand parents. He again tried his luck in the gro cery business. His employer proved to be a more pleasant chap than the Roman, and became so att&J.cd to Jimmy that he took him along while going through bankruptcy three months later. Having struck in a solt place, his employer shortly al ter went I into the grain business, aud cngageu young Bailey as clerk. Admonished by late experience, his employer became tearfully economi cal, and after purchasing a boat load of oats, that had been under water, he J violently exercised this- new trait in netting lames to turning a fan mill in the tup Ion of a four-story building. Having raised the wind considerably, and cleaned out the oats, he went home to die, but eventually recovered, and in the fall of iooo removed to Dan bury, Connecticut. ? Albany Evening Journal. ' A poor lone widow, with seven children arid a sore throat, paid the necessary taxes and took six dogs from the Milwakee pound. # * ? - A Scold; newspaper adds to the mystery of the lichoonic trial, when it solemnly avers that the genuine Ar thur Orton lately passed through Clj on his way to England. Tiie proprietors of the Melbourne Argus, as the representatives of the Australian aosj. .1 ? ?. have ft:c? cccdcd in establishing the cop.? right of telegrams published in newspapers. The Persecution c,l Jones. We have no other authority for it than Jones himself, and therefore Cun nnl vruch foi it> truthfulness. Jor.ei told us that lie was persecuted nearly to death some time ago by a sewing machine agent, v. iio wanted him to make a purchase. Unable at last to endure the persistence of the man, Jones says lie bought a diving bcii and went out 400 miles from land and de scended two n.iles into the ocan to spend a few days in pcace. lie had iiardiy touched bottom when he saw the sewing macl.L.e man cominpHown in divers' armor, carrying with him a "?hutlle-leed and sixty strong testi monials to the merits of his buttoi. lioie attachment. Jones informs us that he suddenly roie 10 the surface anJ pre pared to sail home; but just as the ship's anchor was being hauled over the side, it fell and upset tiie cock's caboose, scattering the live coaL ir.lo powder magazine. This caused a ter rific explosion, and Mr. Jones was blown four miles upward into the air (This is Jones' statement, remember). Just as he began to come down, he met the sewing machine solicitor .coining up in a balloon, with a bucketful of samples of the lock stich, and a model ol his patent reversible heuuncr. When Jones fell he was picked up, and he sailed straight for home. As the vessel drew near the dock Jones perceived the a:;ent standing on the wharf waiting for him with a "noise leas button-hole attachment." (We thought all button-holes were neeessa rii_y noiseless, but Jones is responsible.) Thereupon Jones hid himself in the eabin, and instruc:ed the captain to any to the agent that he, Jones, had died of yellow fever on r he voyage. When the sawing machine man heard this, he seized a copy oi a certificate from a clergyman's wife and then blew out his brains with z pistol, evideatiy determined to follow Jones into the next world, ur.'j sell him a machine at all hazards. We give this for what it is worth. We only know that Jonca was educated by his parents to btl.cvc that it was wicked to tell a lie. Small Bey c* the Period. Says the Stockton Gazette: Where the road b'etween Merced and Spelling crosses the Merced river, that stream is about two hundred yards in width, ar.d even at this season of the year, when the water is low, it looks like a dangerous and deep s'ream to cross. Last Thursday a patent medicine a^ent, traveling on horseback through | that section, came to the river, ar.d hesitated about attempting lo ford it as he saw the wide expanse of rushing waters. There is no briuge anywhere along there, so. af^er some indecision, he concluded to swim his horse across. Spying a !jo> fishing in a &mall punt near that bank, he said: "liello, bub!" '?Hello, yourself." "Can 1 get \ ou to take my clothes across the river in your boa:?" 'T reckin you km if you've got any soap." "All right, I'll give you a quarter to take over my clothes and this car pet-hack to the opposite shore." To this the boy nodded assc.it, the oliuiigej disrobed, turned over the car pet-sack and habiliment* to the j""e nile, who paddled oul in'.o'-.c sueam. The s'raii^er mounted his horse, pre pared 10 swim the river a:;d enjoy the luxury of a bath. Willi a sj'iati; e> cry movement, the hoise stepped in to the stream and walked u-ios? ? the water nowhere was jnore than eiBht een inches deep! To say that the med icine man, p?.? wii?.d on tin: Lack 01 a horse, wa? a man ot' iniquity fur the space ot" hail* an hcur would hardly do justice to tl.e occasion. There were enough "dams" along the Meited (hat afternoon to supply a hundred mill sites. ? ? ? ? Alligator ieati.cr is coming into iashion lor ladies' b<*.lts and satchels. Mr. Alexander iiainar, who has been conrined in tiie Pittsburg jail lor contempt of Court, in disobeying the injunction of the Uni"e'J States Court in the Roberts' torpedo cases, was re leased from jail la>t Sunday morning, his term of sentence having expired. i A max in Jackson countv Wiscon i , , , . ? sir, wishing sj net iid of his wife, sold her to a neighbor, intending to send ner and her purchaser to state prison after they should bt^in to cohabit. He next proposes lo get a divorce and marry his ex-wile's sister whom he has been courting for some time.