The Volcano lubricator., December 23, 1873, Image 4

About The Volcano lubricator. (Volcano, W. Va.) 1871-1879

Image provided by: West Virginia University

                
From Forest ami Stream.
?<I Would Eat Some Oysters.-'
There is a weird story of an oyster
eater, which still floats around the
wharves at Baltimore, where oyster
boats do congregate. One morning,
'twas years ago, the sloop Martha Ma
ry came from some oyster bed on the
Chesapeake, laden gunnel deep with
prime oysters, and was moored safely
alongside of a Baltimore wharf.
skipper, pleased with the prospects of
the voyage, lounged on the wharf,
awaiting a customer .
There came to this captain a lean,
lank and sallow- faced man, who said
with a deep, cavernous voice, "I would
ea* some oysters.
"Plenty on board, there!" was the
bluff reply. ?
"But I would pay for what 1 tat,
interposed the stranger.
"All right, go aboard; eat your ml
for a quarter," cheerily replied the
skipper, for in those early times oys
ters were worth not more than fitteen
cents a bushel.
"Willingly," said the thin man. pro
ducing with alacrity the old Spanish
quarter with the pillars on it, the coin
of that time, and drawing a large, rus
ty ovster knife from his pocket. Then
the thin man opened the hatch ot the
iittle vessel and dived below.
The captain went to his breakfast.
The meal over, he returned to his
sloop. Below he heard the click of
an ovster knife. He thought little a
bout it, only said, "He has a good ap
petite" Ovsters were not rapid of
sale that day, as two more oyster
smacks had come in, and purchasers
were slack. "Makes no matter, said
the captain, "the weather is cola, them
oysters is sound, and they will keep in
prime order for over a week."
The captain went to dinner. Again
he paced his little vessel's deck, and
still he heard the monotonous, inces
sant "click," "click," from below,
working away with mechanical regu
larity. Anxiously, then, that captain
strode along, and was full or fear.
As the sun set, still the click of the
ovster knife was heard. In terror I the
captain fled from his smack. Next
morning early, as he approached the
wharf, still his affrighted ear heard the
click. He could stand it no longer.
Rushing below, scattering aside whole
heaps of empty shells, he found the
lean, lank and cadaverous man still
opening away at the very bottom of
the vessel.
"They are good," said the cadaver
ous man, swallowing with artistic flirt
a singularly large oyster, "but scarce
as salty as I like 'em; ef I had a crack
er, or just a dash of vinegar, mebbe 1
might have engyed 'em more. See
here, Capting, it's just a case of
knife with me. This 'ere oyter kmfe
and he held up the attenuated blade,
worn now to the size of a penknife, j
"wasn't good steel, or I might have
had my fill," and saying this, he de- 1
liberated climbed up the; hatchway,
and still lank and lean, disappeared in j
the distance. 1
Better than Whisky. ? "Bill
Arp" writes: Gentlemen, there is one
thing about drinking, I almost wish
every man was a reformed drunkard.
No man who has never drank whisky
knows what a luxury cold water i6. I
have got up in the night after I had
been spreeing around, and gone to the
pump burning with thirst, feeling as if
the gallows, and the grave, and the in
fernal regions were too good for me,
and when I took up the bucket in my
hands, with eyebrows trembling like I
had the sharing ague, and put the
water to my lips, it was the most deli
cious draught that ever went down my
throat.
I have stood there and drank until
I could drink no more, and gone back
ro be thanking God for the pure, in
nocent and cooling beverage, nnd
cursing myself from the inmost for
ever touching the accursed whisky. ?
In my torment of mind and body, I
have made vows and broken them
within a day. But if you want to
know the luxury of cold water, get
drunk and keep at it until you are on
fire, and then try a bucketful at the
pump in the middle of th^hight. You
won't want a gourd full ? you'll feel
like a bucket ain't big enough, and
when you begin to drink an earth
quake couldn't stop you. I know a
hundred men who will swear to the
truth of what I say; but you see its a
thing they don't mean to talk about;
it's too humiliating.
Bishop Heber wiote the popular
hymn "From Greenland's Icy Moun
tains" one Saturday evening in the old
vicarage house of his father-in-law,
Dean Shirley, who needed it lor a
special occasion. He composed it in
a very short time, only one word need
ed correction, and it was printed that
evening and sung the next day in
Wrexham Church. The printer is
till living who set up the types when
a boy.
Humor.
" Doctor, what will cure the fever
of love?" "The chill of wedlock,
mademoiselle."
Which travels quickest, heat or cold?
Heat of" course, because y oil can catch
cold.
Do not run in debt to the shoema
ker; it is unpleasant to be unable to
say jour sole is not your own.
The river of extravagance this year
leaves many people on the bank re
marking that they can't afford it.
The spirited editor of a Michigan
weekly advertises for some liquor that
will make his "shanty tight."
Water will find its level. In Ma
rietta, Ohio, iast week, John C. Water
was married to Caroline Level.
Mrs. Partington will not allow Ike
to plav the guitar. She says he iiad
it once when he was a child, and it
nearly killed him.
A Slawson man created a tempora
ry corner in life insurance agents on
Saturday, by falling off his roof on
three of them.
Coleridge, when lecturing as a young
man, was once violently hissed. lie
immediately retorted, "When a cold
stream of truth is poured on red hot
prejudices no wonder that they hiss."
They have found gold in Alaska,
and the San Francisco people arc ex
cited about it. We always knew there
was gold there. The Russians got
seven millions out of it.
Josh Billings says Diogenes hunted
in the da}' time lor an honest man,
with a lantern. If he had lived in
these times, lie would have needed the
hed lite of a lokomotilT.
"I declare, mother," said a pretty
little girl, in a pretty little way, " 'tis
too bad! You always send me to bed
when I am not sleepy; and you al
ways make me get up when I am
sleepy."
We are inclined to believe that wo
men arc going to the polls in dead
earnest, from the fact that of nine mar
:ied men talking politics in aDanburv
grocery. Saturday evening, seven were
enthely bald.
A gentleman with one leg broken
in four places, three fractured ribs,
and a hand with two fingers pointing
in one direction, was in Danbury,
Friday, making arrangements for or
ganizing a base ball club.
A Little Piece of Advice to
all who Write Letters.? Always
put at the head of your letter your
full address ? town, county, state, and,
if living in a large city, the street and
number.
We say put the full address always
? at the head of every letter you
write? especially if you live in n city.
Your friend may be in the habit of
writing frequently, and yet may not
be able to remember with certainty
your exact street and number; and the
time he has to devote to bunting up
these necessary facts, is time wasted
on account of your carelessness or
stupidity. And if he is a man whose
time is fully employed, your failure to
do so necessary a thing does not raise
you in his estimation.
Our latest production report from
Modoc, which was received here by
telegraph late on Sunday night, speaks
for itself. It will be read with inter
est by the trade generally, and simply
goes to prove that the second crop of
wells on that belt have nearly all been
heard from, and they* have failed to
yield as large a daily production as
the first crop, although the area of
territory has been enormously increas
ed. Whether the fourth sanu belt,
which so far is confined to an area of
only about two miles square, will be
any more prolific, is a question which
time only can decide. There are, with
one or two exceptions, no new wells
starting from the top of the ground at
present, and there is no indication of
any further developments until the
fourth sand is thoroughly tested. ?
[Herald.
Among the few "contingents" to be
considered in estimating whether a
business will pay a profit are the fol
lowing: Advertising, agents, bad
debts, -clerks, collections, commission,
dirt, discount, depreciation, express
age, freight, fuel, ice, impositions, in
terest, insurance, labor, losses, mis
takes, nonsense, printing, postage, re
pairs, stationery, stealings, swindlings,
traveling, taxes, water, waste, wear,
watchmen, worry, usury, and an in
finity of other trifles, etc., etc.
This has a deeper meaning than ap
pears on the surface. The other day
a little boy went into a book store
with his- mother, crept up to the ju
venile of the establishment with the
sly inquiry, "Say, have you got any
books for boys that ain't got religion
in 'em?"
The latest definition of solitude
" The store that don't advertise."
'piIE
VOLCANO
Lubricat'r 1
IS PUBLISHED AT
J VOLCANO, W. VA
BY
GEO. P. SARGENT.
TERMS
)
S2.00 per year, inva
riably in advance.
NOW IS TIIE TIME TO SUB
I
SCRIBE !
SEND IN THE NAMES.
ADVERTISE !
IN THE
LUBRICATOR.
Mlscellun y.
^ E. SMITH,
PRACTICAL
Watchmaker \ Jeweler
Court St., Parkcrsburg, West Va.
Is offering unusual bargains, viz:
Fine Gold Opera and Gents' Chains a
$1.25; iS Carat Finger-rings at $1.50
per penny weight. Raymond Move
ments in fine cases at $65 a piccc, and
every other article in proportion.
WATCHES, JEWELRY, &c., care
fully repaired and warranted.
I Please call and examine my stock.
w ANTED?
AN ENGINE,)
The undersigned desires to trade a |
FARM OR FIRST CLASS PROP
ERTY, in the town of Cairo, West
Virginia, on B. & O. R. R., for a
25 or 30 Horsa Power Steam
Engine.
An y one desiring to negotiate such
a trade will address, with price, ;
J. W. CLARK,
Clover Dale, Doddridge Co.
West Virginia.
T. DEVORE,
DEALER IN
ft V ?
WATCHES, CLOCKS
JEWELRY,
?SPECTACLES, NOTIONS, &c.
Watches and Clocks rcpai.*cd and
varrantcd. Every watch or clock
aid warranted for one year..
Tobacco and Cigars of the fine?t
orands; Tips and Wheeling stogies.
Italian strings, Cartridges, See.
Orders promptly attcnted to and
satisfaction guaranteed.
Raymond st, next door to Lubricator.
VOLCANO, WEST VA.
PHOENIX FIRE
Insurance Company,
OF
Hartford , Connecticut.
The 27th Financial Statement of the
r IT (E N 1 X
on the first day of January, 1S73.
Cash on hand, and in bank. $303,381 16
U. S. and State stocks and bonds, 129,842 50
Corporation & R.R. stocks, bonds, 275,262 03
Tota liabilities, ?2Ss,720 73.
Shaff.r & Steen, Ag'ts.^
Vrolcano, West Va.
Loans on approved securities,
Hartford Bank stocks,
New York Hank stocks
Miscellaneous Bank stocks,
56,62s 40
473,700 00
33,400 00
52,950 00
City and water bonds,
Real Estate,
Cash assetts.
178,470 00
79'oi2 46
$1,582,646 55
JOHN SCHAFER
BAKERY, CONFECTIONARY
And First-class Groceries.
OYSTERS,
Raymond street opposite post office,
Volcano, Woet Vn. tf
NICHOLAS 110 USE,
GEORGE II. NICHOLAS, PROPRIETOR
Volcano, West Virginia.
The patronage of the travelling' public is
respectfully solicited.
Volcano, November ai, iSja.-tf
j M. BENEDICT,
Manufacturer of
Sucker Hods and Boring Poles
I have on hands at all times a large assort
ment of the very best in the market.
J. M. Benedict,
Volcano, Wood county West Va.JfT juncS-71
H. SHARP, M. D.
Physician & Surgeon,
VOLCANO , WOOD COUNTY ,
West Virginia.
The Mansion House
MARIETTA OHIO.
SAM'L E. LEWIS, Prop.
THIS ELEGANT HOUSE 1IA5
just been opened in strictly first
class style, having- been thoroughly refitted
inside and out. Contains some ol the finest
sample rooms in the'eity; and :is 'delightfully
situated on the Ohio* river, convenient to the
steamboat landing and railway station.
junc 2 -St.
GO TO
SHAFER & STEEN
For Your
DRY GOODS
GROCERIES OF ALL DESCRIPTIONS
HARDWARE, TIXWARE,
QUEENSWARE, NOTIONS, LADIEr
Hats, Ribbons, Gents furnishing goods, Ready
Made Clothing, Roots Shoes, Wall Paper
Carpets, llats, Caps, Mining Powder, etc.
If you want.'a good fit, for a ?oit of clothcs,
For a pair of boots, or fora fashionable shirt,
cut low in the neck, be accommodated by
leaving your measure at the store of
april 29 ly. SHAFER & STEEN.
VOLCANO
COAL BANK
Coal Delivered at Summit of
Hill ,
?or on the line of the
Laurel Fork and Sand Jlill
Railroad and Baltimore
and Ohio Railroad.
ORDERS PROMPTLY FILLED.
W. C. STILES, Jr?
General Agent, Volcano, W, Vn.
iipr?o'7itf
T^OLCANIC
Oil & Coal Company,
NewDominion Oil Co.
LA UREL FORK
Oil & Coal Company,
Producers ol
HEAVY AND LIGHT
West Virginia Oils.
W. C. STILES, Jr., Gen. Agt,
| (ipr30'7iU. Volcano, Wood Co., W. Vi.
Volcano A dvcrtiscments.
It. K. Thomas, Wm.;Schillino
W\t, W. Bowen.
?Y?homas, Schilling & CO.,
I Will sell you all kinds oi
Groceries &; Produce
AS CHEAP AST HE CHEAPEST,
| And invite their friends of White Oak and
I vicinity to call and examine their large
and extensive stock
I
?yHOMAS, SCHILLING Si CO.
-DEALERS JIN?
DRY GOODS
Special bargains'in(
DRESS GOODS,
HOSIERY ; GLOVES,
UNDERWEAR,
HOUSE FURNISHING GOODS.
NAPKINS,
TOWELS,
TABLE LINEN
Just received th? largest and best selected'
stock of Dry Goods ever brought in this mar
ket, consisting ol
LAWNS,
ALPACAS,
SURGE PLAIDS,
MOHAIRS,
BROCADES,
POPLINS,
SILK POPLIN REPP,
ALL WOOL DELAIN8,
CHAMBRAS,
GINGHAMS,
JAPANESE EMBROIDERED
MOHAIRSI
BROWN AND BLEACHED
MUSLINS. CALICOES,
and in lact everything in the Dry Goods lino,
and altogether the nicest lot'of goods
to be found in Volcano, which tiiey
will sell at nnprecedentcd
LOW PRICES!
pgy* Call and examine.
?yHOMAS, SCHILLING & CO.,
General Dealers io
NOTIONS!!
BOOTS, SHOES,
READY MADE CLOTHING
HATS. CAPS,
a large and general assortment of
Hardware, Stationery,